(01-22-2019 08:31 PM)crentist Wrote: New here. I've gotten so much from reading this thread. Reading from the beginning but only on like page 25. I got a girls number day gaming this morning, it was a pretty quick interaction, not really clear that I had solid attraction but whatever, I'm trying to schedule the date.
Me: Hey it's x
Her: Hey its x
Me: How are you
Her: Good. Tell me about you, what do you do?
Me: I'm a web developer, you? (I know, I should have replied with a joke answer here)
Her: I'm studying
Her: Are you here with family?
Her: Or, how long have you been in Colombia?
Me: I arrived in October. No, I live with friends (again I shouldn't have fallen to her frame)
Me: What are you studying?
Her: Accounting
Her: How long are you staying?
Me: Cool
Me: I'm here until July
Me: What's your availability this week. We should get a coffee one day
Her: The weather is always great here
Her: What motivates you about me. Why do you want that we see each other (translated)
I know I fell to her frame already but this last one is a massive test. I clearly didn't know enough intent ("hey I think you're hot") when we met during the day.
I'm thinking about saying something like, "You seemed interesting and I'm spontaneous, so I figured I'd say hello and see if you'd be up for a coffee. It could be fun."
Maybe that's weak though, will take any advice
(01-23-2019 04:47 PM)ksbms Wrote:(01-22-2019 08:31 PM)crentist Wrote: New here. I've gotten so much from reading this thread. Reading from the beginning but only on like page 25. I got a girls number day gaming this morning, it was a pretty quick interaction, not really clear that I had solid attraction but whatever, I'm trying to schedule the date.
Me: Hey it's x
Her: Hey its x
Me: How are you
Her: Good. Tell me about you, what do you do?
Me: I'm a web developer, you? (I know, I should have replied with a joke answer here)
Her: I'm studying
Her: Are you here with family?
Her: Or, how long have you been in Colombia?
Me: I arrived in October. No, I live with friends (again I shouldn't have fallen to her frame)
Me: What are you studying?
Her: Accounting
Her: How long are you staying?
Me: Cool
Me: I'm here until July
Me: What's your availability this week. We should get a coffee one day
Her: The weather is always great here
Her: What motivates you about me. Why do you want that we see each other (translated)
I know I fell to her frame already but this last one is a massive test. I clearly didn't know enough intent ("hey I think you're hot") when we met during the day.
I'm thinking about saying something like, "You seemed interesting and I'm spontaneous, so I figured I'd say hello and see if you'd be up for a coffee. It could be fun."
Maybe that's weak though, will take any advice
There is a significant space for improvement and I won't elaborate about all that could have been done. You didn't provide much about the interaction, though that is not that important - there are some basics you should've covered.
First and foremost, daygaming is a daring act. You've separated yourself from the chaff. You began to sing a different tune from most men. You've opened a bottle with a magic potion but might have spilled it on her shoes, instead of giving her to smell its seductive fragrance. Women dream of being swept off their feet. They love romance (whatever that means), hence that's why that's the most widely read literature the world over. Try to think like a woman. A boring, matter-of-factly conversation, such as yours, is no romance. I did it too, in the past, and it deflates the romance like a fat kid bursting a ballon with a dirty needle. Big it up, paint a dreamy picture, mythologise yourself and her. Make up new universes and make her forget the drudgery of hum-drum, every day life. Be creative (female mind digs it more than you think), daring and with a dash of fun.
I don't recommend your last proposition. Too convoluted and boring. Amateurish. The "We should get a coffee one day" is the way girls speak. It's a passive voice, you approached her, you drive to the date city. YOU arrange things, not put the responsibility on a poor girl. Bad game. And the last part, "It could be fun", sounds like a salesman of used cars, wearing ill-fitted suit with a polyester and stained cravat unsuccessfully persuading a customer to buy a mildly rusty Honda whilst combing with his left through his greasy hair fully knowing that the potential buyer has already set his eyes on another, fancier car... Or, in another words, if you need to tell someone you're a president of a country, you ain't one.
Anyway, let's revisit her penultimate and the last replies. She ignored your date request, then wants to know about your motivation to talk to her. Possibly, low self-esteem - act with caution. In any case, this is not usual type of exchange after getting a number. I wouldn't hold my breath you'll get her out but maybe good for experience. Loosen up, don't expect anything, this may show outcome independence, and increase your odds (mildly). The first order of business is to re-assert your frame (this salvageable only if your face to face one was correct). No more sissy talk. Also, I don't recommend to use Spanish unless you're really fluent and can get all nuances just right. Even then, I still don't recommend it - it sends an implicit signal of your qualifying to her whereas when she speaks your language (I assume it's English), she's qualifying to you. It's subtle, but shouldn't be underestimated. Why to get rid of a key tool from your toolbox?
Me: What's your availability this week. We should get a coffee one day
Her: The weather is always great here
Her: What motivates you about me. Why do you want that we see each other
CowboyExtraBigBalls: not so fast. first, when you're free
It's not about setting up the date now. Slow down, don't be too eager. Re-establish a frame. Maybe a few days, maybe couple weeks. Don't, again, strike out until you'll be sure there's high chance she'll accept. It's about you leading the conversation and her complying. Until she complies, you'll get nothing. As long as she replies you've something to work with. Begin to steer the conversation in the right direction. Hope that helps.
(01-26-2019 01:22 PM)federernadal Wrote: Ok, frikkin Instagram messenger is cockblocking me!!
A chick from my HS days (we are early 20s now) posts an insta story, I respond "Hey is this LA? Im gonna be there next week!" [we havent spoken for years, but I did know she went to college in LA]
She: "No its Bangkok hehe" (we are from bangkok)
She: I wish it was LA tho! Have fun
Me: "Ah, the rain makes more sense now. u visiting or u live there now?"
Me: Dont be too jealous, Im going there for work lol
She: Ah I see
She: Yea I moved back after graduation
This is where Instagram screws up
Me: oh thats cool [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: Ever miss the states?? [SENT]
then after 12 hours of that message it sends
Me: oh thats cool
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work
Feel like this just made me sound douchy and needy. Firstly asking "Ever miss the states??" and then sending the other 2 messages with a 12 hr gap and no response from her.
What is the best play now? Havent heard from her but shes seen them all.
(01-26-2019 01:22 PM)federernadal Wrote: Ok, frikkin Instagram messenger is cockblocking me!!
A chick from my HS days (we are early 20s now) posts an insta story [...]
What is the best play now? Havent heard from her but shes seen them all.
(01-26-2019 01:22 PM)federernadal Wrote: Ok, frikkin Instagram messenger is cockblocking me!!
A chick from my HS days (we are early 20s now) posts an insta story, I respond "Hey is this LA? Im gonna be there next week!" [we havent spoken for years, but I did know she went to college in LA]
She: "No its Bangkok hehe" (we are from bangkok)
She: I wish it was LA tho! Have fun
Me: "Ah, the rain makes more sense now. u visiting or u live there now?"
Me: Dont be too jealous, Im going there for work lol
She: Ah I see
She: Yea I moved back after graduation
This is where Instagram screws up
Me: oh thats cool [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: Ever miss the states?? [SENT]
then after 12 hours of that message it sends
Me: oh thats cool
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work
Feel like this just made me sound douchy and needy. Firstly asking "Ever miss the states??" and then sending the other 2 messages with a 12 hr gap and no response from her.
What is the best play now? Havent heard from her but shes seen them all.

(01-23-2019 06:08 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote: ^ "Can I get your daughter's number then ?"
(01-27-2019 02:07 AM)federernadal Wrote:(01-26-2019 01:22 PM)federernadal Wrote: Ok, frikkin Instagram messenger is cockblocking me!!
A chick from my HS days (we are early 20s now) posts an insta story, I respond "Hey is this LA? Im gonna be there next week!" [we havent spoken for years, but I did know she went to college in LA]
She: "No its Bangkok hehe" (we are from bangkok)
She: I wish it was LA tho! Have fun
Me: "Ah, the rain makes more sense now. u visiting or u live there now?"
Me: Dont be too jealous, Im going there for work lol
She: Ah I see
She: Yea I moved back after graduation
This is where Instagram screws up
Me: oh thats cool [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: Ever miss the states?? [SENT]
then after 12 hours of that message it sends
Me: oh thats cool
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work
Feel like this just made me sound douchy and needy. Firstly asking "Ever miss the states??" and then sending the other 2 messages with a 12 hr gap and no response from her.
What is the best play now? Havent heard from her but shes seen them all.
Ok, so I thought it was over so just ghosted, then after 12 hrs she responded on her own:
She: Woah, never been to [your city]!
She: Yes of course I miss US!
She: I think I will always miss it!
She: Wish you all the best!
Here is what I am planning:
Me: Yea [my city] is sweet. Way better weather here than my college city
Me: It kinda sucks ure not in La anymore, I was totally gonna ask u out lol
Me: [X airline] even has cheap [my airport]-LAX directs, we could have totally made it work haha
My goal here is to ensure I dont get in the friendzone and possibly get close when I visit back. We kinda do have a weak social link (like we may all hang out once when Im back if there is a meetup with like dozens), but it has been years since HS and I live so far away, I couldnt care less if she does get creeped out and tells everyone Im a creep. Usually being bold has worked for me in the past tho!
![[Image: gBZw4k2.png]](https://i.imgur.com/gBZw4k2.png)
(01-27-2019 10:33 AM)Trent W. Wrote:(01-23-2019 06:08 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote: ^ "Can I get your daughter's number then ?"
Brilliant, but she's too young. Ended up going with a variation of the first one, she responded with an ok and a smiley face. Moving on.
(01-27-2019 02:07 AM)federernadal Wrote:(01-26-2019 01:22 PM)federernadal Wrote: Ok, frikkin Instagram messenger is cockblocking me!!
A chick from my HS days (we are early 20s now) posts an insta story, I respond "Hey is this LA? Im gonna be there next week!" [we havent spoken for years, but I did know she went to college in LA]
She: "No its Bangkok hehe" (we are from bangkok)
She: I wish it was LA tho! Have fun
Me: "Ah, the rain makes more sense now. u visiting or u live there now?"
Me: Dont be too jealous, Im going there for work lol
She: Ah I see
She: Yea I moved back after graduation
This is where Instagram screws up
Me: oh thats cool [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work [FAILED TO SEND]
Me: Ever miss the states?? [SENT]
then after 12 hours of that message it sends
Me: oh thats cool
Me: yea I moved to [city] after graduation to work
Feel like this just made me sound douchy and needy. Firstly asking "Ever miss the states??" and then sending the other 2 messages with a 12 hr gap and no response from her.
What is the best play now? Havent heard from her but shes seen them all.
Ok, so I thought it was over so just ghosted, then after 12 hrs she responded on her own:
She: Woah, never been to [your city]!
She: Yes of course I miss US!
She: I think I will always miss it!
She: Wish you all the best!
Here is what I am planning:
Me: Yea [my city] is sweet. Way better weather here than my college city
Me: It kinda sucks ure not in La anymore, I was totally gonna ask u out lol
Me: [X airline] even has cheap [my airport]-LAX directs, we could have totally made it work haha
My goal here is to ensure I dont get in the friendzone and possibly get close when I visit back. We kinda do have a weak social link (like we may all hang out once when Im back if there is a meetup with like dozens), but it has been years since HS and I live so far away, I couldnt care less if she does get creeped out and tells everyone Im a creep. Usually being bold has worked for me in the past tho!
I don't like your plan. She doesn't show any interest in keeping the convo going and you start talking about meeting.
I would not even respond to her last message. If I wanted to keep in touch, I'd let some time go by, maybe a few weeks and then send some provocative message. That could be a) a cool/interesting pic with an one liner of an event, place or something similar, b) funny meme/gif which ideally can lead to a discussion about you two or c) a simple text message about something that would raise her curiosity e.g. "I met your doppelganger/evil twin".
If you're planning to go to Bangkok you can start laying the foundation for a meet with something like that.
(01-27-2019 01:00 PM)Batman_ Wrote: A little backstory: I've been seeing this girl since early December - fucked on first date and have hung out 5-6 times since then. The last text she sent here a week ago on Sunday the 20th. Our last couple interactions seemed off and she seems to be trying to establish some frame control.
I'm planning to continue to stay silent to gauge her interest level. It can go two ways a) she never responds, which means probably lost interest/found other dudes to fuck a while ago b) she reconnects with me again and now I'm not the one chasing her
But if someone has a better solution, I'm all ears.
(01-28-2019 05:15 PM)CJ Wrote:(01-27-2019 01:00 PM)Batman_ Wrote: A little backstory: I've been seeing this girl since early December - fucked on first date and have hung out 5-6 times since then. The last text she sent here a week ago on Sunday the 20th. Our last couple interactions seemed off and she seems to be trying to establish some frame control.
I'm planning to continue to stay silent to gauge her interest level. It can go two ways a) she never responds, which means probably lost interest/found other dudes to fuck a while ago b) she reconnects with me again and now I'm not the one chasing her
But if someone has a better solution, I'm all ears.
First, I'm glad this thread is still going!
Moving on, just as you're testing her, she's testing you. She's seeing if this is serious or if you're just trying to be fuck buddies (common for a first night lay). As you eluded to, she's figuring out boundaries.
If you have other girls on the menu and really don't care, then let it ride. If you don't, I'd reach out before too much time passes. Then work on getting other options soon, unless for some reason you're looking to settle down with this one for awhile.
As for her losing interest/having other guys to fuck, don't ever think that way. You should be more interesting and a better lay than them. If you're not, work on improving!
(01-29-2019 01:24 PM)chvrches Wrote: @Philosopher this sounds super newbie and strange, but im scared to hell i can't get it up for her once she's naked lol or that i will regret it later. im just used to one specific skinny type of body, it's gonna be a first time lowering my standards this much, hence the damn 1 year dry spell, i have too high standard. or maybe im just overanalyzing
(02-05-2019 05:00 AM)Pytonga Wrote: So after yesterday date - she messaged me -
Thank you for a lovely visit. You were a perfect gentleman..
followed by
Not sure if either of us are feeling sparks flying.
followed
Aren't you sweet. I think I'm to much of personality for you no? Very honest and don't care what people think. I don't think that sits well with you.
Not sure but I think that I messed up the date - should bang but could not get over in my head that small kid was noisy in room next door.
There was kino, chat was strange - she was really in to me touching but then she started to talk about her exes and that after divorce she had a lot of ONS just for sex plus that she's got The Contraceptive Coil.
any idea if this is friendzone or just shit test
and yes I am a total beginner (learning via the forum)