Post: #101

Made two street openers. The first one was a woman that was walking down the street next to me when some dude started honking his horn randomly. I joked with the woman about this and then we started talking about work briefly while I stumbled over all my words. Then she wished me a good day.

I then started walking next to another woman. I fumbled through my head for an opener and decided to go situational and comment on how nice the day is. She looked up from her phone for a second and chuckled and then went back to looking down. I felt like there wasn't a chance since she was messing with her phone so much so I didn't say anymore.

Then tonight I surprised myself and went out. First I grabbed a bite to eat and then I told myself I was going to go back home. After I finished, I begrudgingly told myself I had to at least check a bar out for a half hour and then I could go home but then that half hour turned into four hours....

So, I walked around for a little bit out of nervousness for being alone and then I chose a bar. I sat down at the counter nearby these two women (one petite brunette and a thicker blonde with great breasts) chatting and just minded my own business. After a little bit, I could tell the brunette was trying really hard to catch my eye and then eventually she just straight up opened me.

We then got to talking and off the bat she was asking lots of personal questions. She wanted to know where I was from, where I went to school, and all sorts of other stuff. The back and forth was cool and I also made sure to bring in the other woman a lot too. Eventually they got up to go and the blonde walked off, but the brunette seemed to be lingering a bit. I really wanted to get the blondes number because I think the brunette was married, but I decided screw it and just asked the brunette for hers. She obliged and then they left.

I'm not sure what to do about this number honestly. This chick was nice and attractive and she seemed into me, but I'm confused she would act this way if she's married. How would get the blondes number out of her if she's off limits?

I then left and just did my own thing the rest of the night. First, I noticed this metal concert and decided why not and checked it out. While there, I saw this nice looking Latin chick that was outside with her friend and a dude. I opened the dude, and looked at the woman while I spoke, but she didn't seem to want to join in on the conversation. After that, another metal chick showed up that had some sweet breasts, but she shaved all her hair off. I talked with her a bit, but then decided her appearance was too much of a red flag and walked off.

Post: #102

(10-20-2017 12:08 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  I'm not sure what to do about this number honestly. This chick was nice and attractive and she seemed into me, but I'm confused she would act this way if she's married. How would get the blondes number out of her if she's off limits?

Why do you think she is married? If she had a ring on that doesn't mean much. Plenty of girls wear one to give that impression and others just don't pay attention to those traditions and do whatever they feel like. If you confirm she is married then obviously she is looking if she gave you her number. If you're not into that just tell her and ask about her blonde friend. Easy peasy.

As far as why she would act that way ... uh, she's a woman. Plenty of married women cheat. She could also be in an open marriage or looking for a third. If you don't care then ignore it and game on. If you do care then just ask. Either way it's worth finding out what she's after IMO.

Post: #103

(10-20-2017 03:39 AM)Mountain Man Wrote:  As far as why she would act that way ... uh, she's a woman. Plenty of married women cheat. She could also be in an open marriage or looking for a third. If you don't care then ignore it and game on. If you do care then just ask. Either way it's worth finding out what she's after IMO.

This. Some women will point out that they're married or a have a boyfriend to stop you. Other women will point out that they're married or have a boyfriend in order to fully disclose that they're cheating. It's not worth over-analyzing. Unless it's a show-stopper for you, it's not even worth addressing.

Post: #104

Sent the possibly married woman a message but she never replied. I probably should've straight up asked her relationship status in the first message instead of trying to lead to it.

Went out to Oktoberfest today also. I think I've finally made the realization it's a pretty dull event if you're not going to drink. I got bad sensory overload for a little bit when I got there since there were just so many people and the music was so loud. However, I noticed what helped was to go to a quieter area where people were selling crafts and just relax for a bit.

There were lots of women out, but I didn't have it in me to yell over all the people. To add to it, there were nothing but large sets and I didn't feel like being the high energy fun guy trying to disarm everyone all night.

One woman actually approached me though. She was definitely a solid 8 and Latin so she checked my boxes out the gate. Anyways, she noticed I was wearing a shirt with the name of her country on it and asked me if I visited there. I said yea and we started talking about what I did in her country and then I asked her why she was here. Not long after, her irritating friends started whining and pulling at her to go until eventually she relented and told me bye. I was actually very very annoyed about it because I was really digging the chick and it kinda soured my mood the rest of the night.

As always my mind works terribly slow. It wasn't until a little later that I figured what I should have done is just man up and straight up told her to hang around a bit longer.

Post: #105

(10-21-2017 01:59 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  I was actually very very annoyed about it because I was really digging the chick and it kinda soured my mood the rest of the night.

This seems to be a common theme with your mood. Why are you annoyed? This chick doesn't owe you the time of day, let alone a conversation. You are letting others and uncontrollable things (like the noise level) control your frame.

This forum often speaks of the hamster wheel in women. Well, guys have it too and the first thing you need to do is put that little guy in a shoe box and bury him in the back yard.

Yes, you should have either told her to catch up with her friends later and assured her friends that you would take good care of her or quickly gotten her number before she got dragged away. But you didn't, who cares? What is there to be annoyed about? You didn't know that girl when you walked into the festival and now you at least have a slight chance of seeing her again AND you practiced and learned. YOU WON!!

Try practicing things that would normally disarm you. Like the sensory overload you were getting. That stuff should not bother you. Remember, NOTHING should bother you. You are strong and confident and nothing in this world can get to you. So practice walking through that sensory overload as if it doesn't bother you. Every time you sense yourself getting annoyed say it OUT LOUD "this shit doesn't bother me". Walk up to someone and tell them that all this noise doesn't bother you. When you get home after something like that write it down "I'm strong and confident and I don't give a fuck". If you have a mirror at home use dry erase markers to write "I don't give a fuck" or "I only care about things that matter". You'll start to see that most things don't matter. Certainly not that girl or how loud the music and people were. Your brain will start to comply.

Everyone goes through this stuff. I sometimes get the "I don't like it here" and remove myself from places because of it. But I don't let it get to me. It's not annoying, I simply didn't like it and I'm a grown ass man so I go somewhere I do like, easy peasy. But for now I think you have to work on getting out of and expanding your comfort zone more than removing yourself.

Annoyance is for the weak. Not being weak is a journey and because you have started the journey you are no longer weak and you never will be again.

Post: #106

(10-21-2017 11:13 AM)Mountain Man Wrote:  

(10-21-2017 01:59 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  I was actually very very annoyed about it because I was really digging the chick and it kinda soured my mood the rest of the night.

This seems to be a common theme with your mood. Why are you annoyed? This chick doesn't owe you the time of day, let alone a conversation. You are letting others and uncontrollable things (like the noise level) control your frame.

This forum often speaks of the hamster wheel in women. Well, guys have it too and the first thing you need to do is put that little guy in a shoe box and bury him in the back yard.

Yes, you should have either told her to catch up with her friends later and assured her friends that you would take good care of her or quickly gotten her number before she got dragged away. But you didn't, who cares? What is there to be annoyed about? You didn't know that girl when you walked into the festival and now you at least have a slight chance of seeing her again AND you practiced and learned. YOU WON!!

Try practicing things that would normally disarm you. Like the sensory overload you were getting. That stuff should not bother you. Remember, NOTHING should bother you. You are strong and confident and nothing in this world can get to you. So practice walking through that sensory overload as if it doesn't bother you. Every time you sense yourself getting annoyed say it OUT LOUD "this shit doesn't bother me". Walk up to someone and tell them that all this noise doesn't bother you. When you get home after something like that write it down "I'm strong and confident and I don't give a fuck". If you have a mirror at home use dry erase markers to write "I don't give a fuck" or "I only care about things that matter". You'll start to see that most things don't matter. Certainly not that girl or how loud the music and people were. Your brain will start to comply.

Everyone goes through this stuff. I sometimes get the "I don't like it here" and remove myself from places because of it. But I don't let it get to me. It's not annoying, I simply didn't like it and I'm a grown ass man so I go somewhere I do like, easy peasy. But for now I think you have to work on getting out of and expanding your comfort zone more than removing yourself.

Annoyance is for the weak. Not being weak is a journey and because you have started the journey you are no longer weak and you never will be again.

Good post. Keep it up

Post: #107

Not really daygaming lately since it seems like everywhere I look, I see married women.

However, I got bumble installed and made a few matches. I sent a couple messages back and forth with one chick, but she went radio silent. I then matched with some fatter women, but I think I can look past it for the dating experience.

Both women seemed pretty dull through our brief text exchanges , so I quickly suggested coffee dates. They both seemed receptive to the idea, so I just have to come up with a place and time to meet.

This should be easy but I always stress big time about picking a time and place for dates since I consider so many factors at once.

Post: #108

I can totally relate to sitting there with my phone in my hands for 30 minutes trying to figure what I should offer. What day, what activity, what part of town, lunch or dinner .... There are literally millions of possibilities!!! I've found that stressing over these kinds of details is always something I do when my confidence is low. When I'm flying high I just don't care!!

It's not about the perfect text or the perfect coffee shop at the perfect time. If the girl is into you the answer will be yes, if she's not the answer will be ....... crickets. So bury that hamster and just have fun. Ask one girl for coffee and another to play frisbee.

Keep on pushing yourself. Sure, it should be easy and it'll get easier and easier. You are not bothered by the outcome. In another 4 days there will be 2 more bumblers to practice on again.

You're doing great man and inspiring me to keep on trying as well !!

Post: #109

^^ Thanks man. I was stressing hardcore about it all until exactly what you mentioned occurred to me. I realized that the time and place aren't really important, but what is is that I'm putting myself out there. Also, I shouldn't worry about putting expectations on the interaction at this point and instead focus on getting comfortable with the dating process.

Anyways, I got my first ever flake tonight. We agreed to plans earlier and she seemed into it, but one of the bumble chicks didn't send a message or anything once the time came. It probably stemmed from the fact we only exchanged six or seven messages before I suggested a meet, but who really knows. However, I wasn't even mad about it since I learned to have other plans from the forum.

With that in mind, I just got myself some food and decided to hit some bars. The first couple bars I hit weren't really lively, so I went onto these two neighboring bars and flip flopped between them the whole night.


At the third bar I sat down at the area where the drinks are served (I keep forgetting what it's called) and sipped some water. Soon a blonde, brunette, and a guy showed up and started talking about food. I then interjected and we started talking about good places to eat cheap. After that, the dude left and we started talking about how horrible the women's money management skills were and then one of the women mentioned where she wanted to go for her birthday and then we got to talking a about travel.

Eventually one of the women noticed I wasn't drinking and asked me about it. I then made up some excuse and afterwards told her how this is a good day to come out. After that, I noticed it got hard to stay included in their conversation and before I knew it they were just talking amongst themselves. I totally wanted the brunettes number....

Later, I talked to another girl. I commented on the music and then she agreed with me and then asked if it's usually pretty hype like it was this night. I said yea and then asked her if she was from here and she said yea. We then talked about some stuff I totally forgot and then I ran out of stuff to say and she went back to talking to her friend.

I then opened these two women I spoke a little with in the street prior. One was ok looking, but the other had a serious body and face on her. I started by asking if they thought this bar was cool and then the ok looking woman started asking about drugs. After that, they went out to smoke and then came back in and the hot chick started dancing a little. I then made a poor effort at dancing up on her and then she walked off but she came back and danced in front of me for a few seconds multiple times.

I then went to the fourth bar and chatted with the bouncer at the door for a bit and then this really hot blonde came up to go in. She started messing with her friend because she took forever to get her id out and then I joked with the blonde about it and then she caught me off guard and pulled my arms around her waist like she wanted me to embrace her. My brain went a little haywire so I just hugged her and let go really quick.

She then went in and I thought about following her, but I got scared and didn't. I then milled around and listened to the music and then decided to reopen the blonde again later.

After a bit, I noticed the blonde and her friend sitting down and decided to open them by asking something. After I asked my question, the blonde invited me to sit down next to her. Unfortunately, I could tell she was drunk, but I couldn't think about what to do, so I did. With that in mind, I asked her where she was from and she told me where and then she remarked that she thought I was hot. I didn't know what to say, so I said I thought she was hot too. After that, it got awkward because she couldn't really say much else coherently and I started to feel like a creep for trying to get the girls number while she was drunk.

-----------


I don't know how I should handle cases when I'm losing ground in a group conversation. That is, I can't maintain involvement in their conversation indefinitely, but I feel like if I'm not saying something every few seconds, I've automatically lost my chance with the set. Perhaps I should've gone personal and asked the women their names and then transitioned to asking for their numbers somehow and then went back to minding my own business.

As for the drunk girl and the chick with the serious body, I think I should've just told them we need to see each other again and asked for their numbers.

Post: #110

From what I have read so far, you seem to be an outwardly attractive guy if you're getting this far with chicks. Despite a lot of awkward missteps and hesitation, girls give you a lot of opportunities to keep moving things forward. Case in point with the hot blonde you talked about. I don't know what your logistics, if you live alone or with other people, but she probably wanted to bang you and was waiting for you to make a move in that direction. Are you a virgin by chance?

As far as the group conversations, those are trickier to navigate than one-on-one, especially if it's a group of people where you do not know them. Some of this depends on where you are when talking to these people. Are they standing in a circle and you can walk into it? Are they all sitting at a table while you stand next to them and talk? Depending on the scenario, you can get away with being quiet and just listening to what people talk about, and instead of leading the conversation you can jump in every now and then and ask questions to keep things going.

Post: #111

^^ Yea, I'm a virgin. To answer the other question, I usually get in on group conversations when I'm sitting where drinks are served. So, in the case of yesterday, the two women were sitting to the left of me.

Post: #112

I saw another post that mentioned "Toastmasters". Can you look for a local Toastmasters group? Not only will this force you to speak for more than a sentence at a time but it will also expand your social circle.

Post: #113

^^I checked that out, but it's not doable since they decide to schedule their meetings during the work day. Seriously, how dumb is that?

I went out to some Halloween parties with a friend tonight. The first party was an all ages event that was cool, but there weren't many attractive women around. I did see two hot Asians, but I felt awkward about approaching since I brought some family along.

I then dropped my family off and went to another Halloween party. I felt really anxious since I didn't get a costume and figured it would make me stand out for the wrong reasons. So, the first half hour I was kind of nervously following my friend around like a lost kid.

Eventually, he said we had to hit the dance floor. At first, I wasn't doing anything but silently questioning why I even came to deal with this and the loud boring music. I then decided I needed to build some courage so I just went ahead and told a few random women I thought they were hot. After that, I remembered what I was told about trying to deal with these situations instead of slinking away and I started to dance.

I still felt a little awkward about it, but I didn't stop for almost an hour and a half. I did try to dance with this set of girls, but they gave me this wide eyed smirk and I turned away.Generally, while dancing I really didn't have any women dance up on me. However, there was one woman with her friends that asked me how to do a certain dance. She and her friends were pretty hot, but I didn't really progress to anything past joking I don't know how to do the dance she wanted to know.

There was also a woman that was dancing next to me alone. She was hot, but she didn't seem to be paying me any mind at all. I turned and danced facing her a couple times but she still kept her eyes ahead.

I then left for another bar. I minded my own business but I did tell about three women I thought they were hot and then I went back to chilling. After that, I left for home.

I was kinda hoping at least one woman would bite on the drive by compliment, but it doesn't seem they did. I'm also glad I came out with a friend tonight; it's nice when I can feed off their energy since they're more active.

Post: #114

I've missed a lot of daytime opportunities since I decided to wait and not immediately pounce. For example, I saw an Asian chick at the bookstore and thought I could catch her later on in there, but she disappeared while I was reading some stupid (but funny) book with comics. Then another day, I pulled up to pump gas and a okay looking woman was nearby pumping, so I got out and said hi and she gleefully said hi back. I figured she'd be there after I paid for my gas inside, but she was already pulling off when I returned.

I went out tonight also. I went out to eat first then I made my way to the first bar. There were a few women standing and talking to each other, but I got too nervous to say something since men were nearby. After that, I left and went to another bar and listened to some music and then I saw multiple sets of women come in and then head to the outdoor patio area. I wanted to go out too, but I couldn't think of a way to not appear weird since I don't drink or smoke.

I then went to another bar. I chatted with the bartenders and some of the people playing music there tonight and then I went outside and chatted with the bouncer a little. After a little bit this blonde woman came outside and stood in line to get food from a food truck outside the bar. I chatted with the bouncer a little more and then I opened her by asking what she ordered. She told me and then we joked about eating junk food and then she mentioned she came from out of town. After that, I asked her if she studied at the town she came from and then we talked about what she was studying for a little bit. After that, we talked about her mom and then she excused herself to go back inside. Before she went in, I asked her name and then told her mine, but I got nervous and decided not to ask for her number. After all that, I got tired and decided to go home.

____


There's this crazy hot woman that works in one of the companies in my building. I want to ask for her number, but I don't know what to do. Every time I see her, I have less than thirty seconds to say something to her since she's always leaving the area when I arrive. With that, my only thought is that I have to directly open her. Everything I think of saying sounds like a terrible idea, but I hope I come up with something soon.

Post: #115

Went to an event with a friend and opened a performer. She was this brunette with a solid body and I started it off by asking about her performance. After that, we talked about her experiences overseas and then she told me about the volunteer work she does. Eventually the conversation started to wind down and then she asked our names and I sheepishly suggested checking out another bar together, but she said she had to work tomorrow.

As we walked away, my friend started to tell me the woman was waiting for one of us to ask for her number. I noticed there were points in the conversation where she focused solely on one of us and i liked her, but I didn't sense a right time to ask her for number.

We then went out to some bars. My friend seemed to be on edge the whole night, so it really wasn't that fun since he kept whining within minutes about every place we went into. Conversely, his mood affected me since I felt like I couldn't open who I wanted to without hearing him whine to leave. This is when rolling solo definitely has an advantage; you can spend as much time as you want where you want.

Anyways, I basically spent the night opening but not really drawing out conversations at all. So, while I was sitting at the bar, a girl came over and got a drink and I opened her by asking what she likes to do and then I joked about how I feel like a loser if I can't come up with a lot of answers to the question. After that, I joked with a girl putting some lipstick on that she missed a spot and then I complimented one woman she was looking good also.

I then said hey to a woman standing outside the bar and she muffled out a hey back, but I kept walking. I think I should've tried to stay and engage her more but I felt anxious about saying more since my friend was complaining about leaving.

I saw a woman sitting alone in a couch messing with her phone and sat down and asked her what the weather is. She seemed to think it was a funny question, but she actually went to search it. I then told her I was joking and it seemed like she wanted to talk to me more, but I left half because I was nervous to say more and half because I felt like I was inconveniencing my friend by staying around to talk when he wanted to leave.

_______

I really need to develop more of a careless attitude and stop trying so hard to please others. Also, I'm still a bit socially inept so I overthink everything and devote way too much time to considering other people's feelings. As a case in point, my friend didn't even drive himself this night, yet I feel like he dictated everywhere we would go as if he was giving me a ride. Thus, I kept deferring to his decisions because I didn't want someone unhappy with me.

I also became more aware it's good to open in all situations. I've seen a girl messing with her phone in a bar alone and opened before, so I automatically knew what to say without hesitation. Thus a lot of situations repeat themselves and the more I try to face them the less I have to think about how to open when they arrive.

Post: #116

Wow, I went out with a different friend last night and it was a utter and complete 180 from the previous night. Everything was so much better; he knew how to converse, he knew how to have a good time, we approached sets like mad, and our styles seemed to compliment each other quite well. Best of all, I legit had a good time.

Anyways, we started out the night at one bar and chilled a little. I first opened some people sitting down that had gone out to an event. The people were pretty receptive, but I couldn't tell if a man and woman sitting together were a couple or not. Eventually, the guy got up from the bar and kept suggesting for me to sit in his chair to get a drink. As I think about it now, I think he was trying to help me out by giving me an in to sit close to the chick.

We then opened a big group sitting down. I made a joke based on a conversation I had with my friend earlier and then introduced him. After that, my friend said a little, but we ejected since the group didn't seem receptive.

After that, I then opened a set of woman playing a cornhole game by saying the best way to play was to miss the board completely. They joked that they were playing extremely well if that's the best way. After that, I asked them if they were going to another club to dance a little since I noticed how they were dressed and they said yea. We then tried to draw the conversation out more with them, but it wasn't working out. So, we just shrugged at each other and ejected.

I then opened another 2 set of women playing another game similarly to the way I did before. They weren't really my type but I was still trying to get myself in the zone. However, they were pretty nice and we ended up talking for a good amount of time. Well, really one of them was nice and the other just stood there looking stupid while we talked with her friend. Eventually, she threw out an exit from the convo and I grabbed it and let them go.

I then decided to leave, but on my way out, I noticed this hot brunette looking kind of annoyed with the night. I then went up to her and her friend and joked that it's hard to tell who's having more fun and the brunette's face instantly lit up. We tried to talk for a bit, but we didn't seem to be clicking and I couldn't think of anything good to say, so her and her friend walked off.

We then went to another bar. It was a pretty good sized crowd. We opened one set of girls but none of them were receptive. After that, we met some out of towners with their girlfriends and chatted with them for a bit and then moved on to some other people. Eventually, we decided to leave since it looked like there weren't any really single women around.

Off to place number three. This was more of a dance club, so I didn't do much but do some terrible dancing with my friend and these women. One had great breasts that I kept dancing at and she actually seemed a little receptive because she would smile and try to do the dances I did. Eventually, I got tired and absolutely drenched in sweat and stopped. I then got a drink and noticed the girl with the breasts was off the floor with her friends too. After that, I walked over to them and said we did some awesome dancing and walked off. However, now that I think about it, I should've transitioned it into a question like "hey!, you guys celebrating with that (random group of chicks) too??" or maybe "you guys from around here too?" and then transitioned into talking about school and stuff.

We then went to another club. It was a cool place, but it was annoying because every chick that looked single had her boyfriend hiding in the shadows. Anyways, I opened one slutty looking woman that was shooting selfies with her friend and we got to talking about her breasts and it was coming along alright, but then her friend misheard something my friend said and she and my girl ended up storming off.

After that, we opened some women sitting down. They were receptive and my friend had his eyes set on of them. The other girl wasn't my type but to help out, I tried to run interference for a bit with her. It actually went ok, but it got really tiring because I knew I wasn't getting the chicks number and I got a few looks from other women that I wanted to pounce on. Eventually, my friend got the number, but when he looked her up, he found she had a boyfriend. Total waste of time man.

I was ready to go home, but we decided to revisit a previous bar to end the night out. There wasn't really anyone single there so we just chilled, but eventually a hot tiny blonde woman showed up with her friends. She wanted to take a picture of something in the bar that reminded her of a movie and with that, I opened her by talking about the movie a bit and she immediately warmed up to me. To start, she started putting her hands all over me and going in for hugs constantly. After that, she left for a second and then returned and start rubbing her hands all over my jacket saying how cool it was and then she went back to grabbing on me. After that, I got her number and then she walked off and came back once again. We then chatted a little about where she was from and what she's doing down here and then I told her about some travel plans and she got all giddy again and started hugging me really tight and kissing me on the cheek while talking into my ear. Eventually, her friends pried her off me and they left together but it was pretty cool.

Post: #117

Brazil has been ok. I've tried using Bumble, but I'm not getting any matches at all. As for Happn, the app keeps telling me people are liking my profile, but when I go through and like all the profiles I'm interested in, I don't get any matches. Lastly, with tinder, I'm getting matches, but they aren't women I like.

Outside these apps, I did manage to check out the city with one woman from a language exchange app. She looks ok and the conversation wasn't too bad with her, so we'll see where that goes.

On the ground, I don't have much to report. I went out to a couchsurfing event and snagged a few numbers from some natives and tried to indulge them the next day, but they didn't seem too interested to say anything. However, I did try to set something up for today with one woman that was pretty attractive and receptive during the meeting, but she said she has some stuff to do and she'll let me know if we can go out today. So, we'll see how that goes.

I also got to check out one place that was sort of like a strip club. I didn't know what it was initially since my friends gave me limited details, but when I went inside and noticed how the first woman I spoke to started immediately feeling me up, it became pretty clear. I had a good time there though, since I was able to work on losing that immense timidness I have about physical contact and escalation.

I'm very disappointed in myself as far as approaching goes. When I was with my friend, I found a little courage to approach more women, but when I'm alone I completely close up. I keep telling myself to approach, but I still have this mental block where I feel ashamed and wrong for doing it and then I start getting scared women will get mad at me and I'll come across as a bad American.

Post: #118

Promising updates ahead.

After my last post, I sat around for a little while thinking about what being ashamed all the time has gotten me. After I thought for a bit, I came to the conclusion being worried about the perception of others has never really led to promising results and decided to work through moments of shame more often.

With that said, I had some good approaches. I went on a short trip to visit another part of Brazil and I opened the woman next to me on the plane. She was more caramel colored with a great body and had accidentally spilled something on herself, so I joked with her a little about that and the turbulence. After that, we talked a little about where she lives and what she does and I also talked to her about interesting places to visit where she lives. After that, I asked her if she wanted to exchange numbers and she said yes and enthusiastically told me make sure and send her a message. I then sent her a a few messages later, but her responses seemed very dull and pointed. After that, I got bored and just gave up sending messages.

I then got another woman's number. Originally, I saw her on my departing flight from SP and complimented her clothes and went back to minding my own business. Later, as I was returning to sao Paulo, I saw a woman and opened her by mentioning I was ready to get on the plane and stop waiting. The woman said she agreed and then to my surprise she said she remembered my compliment on her clothes and we started to chat. In the beginning, we talked about how she learned English and how she studied in the US and then we talked about other stuff I forgot and then I asked if she wanted to exchange numbers. She had some excuse but she still went ahead and gave me the number. As always, we'll see where this goes.

Lastly, I met a girl on tinder. I matched with her awhile back and never sent anything, but decided to message her since there wasn't much else to do. I then sent her just a few messages and then she suggested a meet at a club. Honestly, I was a bit creeped out about it since we barely talked and she already wanted to go out. I then consulted with people more experienced and was suggested to get her number, call her, and see how I feel about everything.

Well, I sat around hashing out possible scenarios where this chick and her friends could rob me blind, and then decided to call. We talked for a little bit and she let me know where to go. I then mulled over everything for a few more minutes and decided to go for it.

I then got to the place. The line was a block long so I chatted with people around me and then I had to tell a few dudes I wasn't gay. After I got inside and got over the mega weirdness factor of registering my thumb print and passport to get in, I found the girl.

She was pretty close to her pictures. She looked okay, but also a little strung out too. Anyways, I met her and her friends and then i got grilled about not drinking for second, but i switched gears by asking one of her friends about themselves. After that, we went to the dance floor. At first I just kind of danced but not with her and then I realized that was stupid and started grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to me. She pulled away for a little and chatted with her friend and then I pulled her back in. After that, we went back and forth like that for a little bit and then I tried to go for the kiss. She denied me and gave some excuse about leaving her friend alone and then we went back to the dancing. After a while, she started rubbing her butt on me and I started feeling her up for a bit and then her friend walked off.

I then decided to go for the kiss again. While she was rubbing on me, I turned her around and then she started wrapping her arms around my neck and I went for the kiss. SUCCESS. I started feeling her up and making out with her more intensively for a few minutes and then she had to go the bathroom. She then came back smelling like smoke, which kind of made me lose interest. Anyways, we made out some more and then she left to the bathroom again.

At this point, I honestly didn't care about getting the lay. As I waited for her to return for what seemed like a twenty minutes and looked around the room, I just saw way to many dudes making out with each other and decided it was time to go. I thought about saying I was leaving, but for some dumb reason, i just walked out without a word. Of course, just before I left, she pops up and seems clearly annoyed I didn't say anything. I then tell her I'm leaving and ask if she wants to go, but she just frowns at me. After that, I turn to leave and she starts screaming my name and then she pouts because I didn't say bye. I then say bye and leave. Yea......I don't think she's going to want to speak to me again...

Post: #119

Dusting off the cobwebs. I went out with one friend first and it was crap. For starters, he kept whining about being tired and anytime I opened some people he would just retreat and start messing with his phone. Anyways, in the first place we went, I said what's up to a couple women walking by and tried to get them to talk, but they weren't having it.

We then chilled and listened to music for a little and then I opened one woman with her friend. We talked about how life is in my town and how it seems nobody ever leaves the town and then we talked about some stuff I forgot. In the end, she said bye and then I asked her for her number. She started to say she could give it and then she said, "but I don't think my boyfriend will appreciate it." After that, I just shooed her off and then my friend started whining more about being tired and wanting to go home.

I then got rid of my friend and went to another bar. I relaxed for a little and then I saw a two set; One was a little heavy and the other one was like a 7. After I got cold feet for a few minutes, I decided to set a time limit and open them. I started off by simply saying hey and what's up and then asked if they were from around here. After that, I joked about how no-one ever gets to leave the town for good and then we chatted about growing up and various other things like school and annoying friends. After that, another friend of mine showed up and he made a lot of funny jokes and we spoke with them for a little bit longer. Eventually the women had to go, so they took off their gloves to use their phones for a uber. Lo and behold, they had wedding rings on. So, I promptly wished them a good day and moved on.

Post: #120

Matched with a chick on bumble. She actually looked pretty good in her pictures. I sent a few messages back and forth to her and then I got bored of that and got her to give me her number. Later on in the day, I gave her a call and we spoke for a little about cars and some other stuff. Once the call was near the end, I set up the date for a place I like and she seemed in to it.

Next up was the date. I got there and noticed she wasn't there and initially thought about sitting down and minding my own business, but I decided that I needed to get my social gears turning and chatted with other people in the area a little.

After we chatted for a bit, the woman showed up. She was a little chunkier than her pics but she still looked pretty good to me. We then chatted for a little and then we got up and started to play some games together. While playing I got to know more about her and where she was from and a little bit about her upbringing.

After we played, we then headed to grab some food and chatted about our interests.After we finished eating, we headed to a bar and sat around and chatted a little more and then we left. After that, we walked around a little and then I gave her a hug and we parted ways.

______

I think this woman was actually pretty sweet and pleasant to be around. Regardless, I didn't really have the best time since I was stressing so much. Every step of the way I was worried about her getting bored with me so I kept talking and talking and constantly getting up and moving us around. I also kept asking myself how long the date was going on worrying it was eventually going to get awkward at some point. And then I kept thinking about going for the kiss and when the right time was or if I should even do it.

Lastly, now that I think about it, I really didn't do anything to let the woman know I liked her. I touched her arm a few times, but I don't feel like I did anything else to show her how I felt about her.

Post: #121

(12-21-2017 10:13 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  I didn't really have the best time since I was stressing so much. Every step of the way I was worried about her getting bored with me so I kept talking and talking and constantly getting up and moving us around. I also kept asking myself how long the date was going on worrying it was eventually going to get awkward at some point. And then I kept thinking about going for the kiss and when the right time was or if I should even do it.

Lastly, now that I think about it, I really didn't do anything to let the woman know I liked her. I touched her arm a few times, but I don't feel like I did anything else to show her how I felt about her.

This is excellent self-analysis.

I told you before, I used to have the same problem with "waiting for the perfect moment". There is no perfect moment. The perfect one is whichever you create whenever you feel like it. If you act with confidence no girl who is attracted to you and available will ever stop you.

Just pull the trigger! No fear!

Once you do it a few times and start getting positive feedback, you'll realize how much hassle you could have saved if you just went and did it without thinking. Commit to it no matter what and trust me, you won't regret it.

Also, in regards to feeling like you have to entertain the chick... This is normal when you first start getting dates, especially if you're getting tons of first dates.

Feeling like you have to entertain the girl, and not the other way around, puts the girl in command - now you're the clown who has to go up and down and side to side to make her feel like she's having fun.

Check out this thread: How much silence do you allow on the date.

I'll repost what I posted there - I think you could really benefit from doing the squinting and staring technique.

(05-15-2017 09:43 AM)Ringo Wrote:  Yeah - silence doesn't have to be a bad thing.

I actually enjoy it sometimes because I don't feel like the ball is in my court, I feel like it's in theirs. I often see silence as a chance I give them to lead the interaction for a moment, start a subject they're interested in, touch my hands, whatever. It's a thermometer of the interaction.

Having said that, sometimes it doesn't work. Maybe the girl is shy or awkward, maybe the chemistry is off.

Off the top of my head, these are some ways that I break the silence:

- Tell a story. It can be about literally anything as long as it's endearing or funny - by that I mean actually funny, not like that time you and your buddies did some weak shit. You can tell any story if you preface it right: "I was walking here and for some reason I thought of a time I..."; "I was watching TV today and saw an old lady like my grandma. This one time...", "You know, I had a weird dream tonight...", etc.

- Look at her for a while (scan her upper body) and say "Let me see your hands". Grab them, turn them upside down, like you're studying them. Take you time with it. Then do a cold read. It can be serious, funny, absurd - it's up to you.
"Your hands are so soft. You're probably not good a very good carpenter"
"Wow rough palms. Do you work out much?"
"You have some mad long fingers. Like an alien. How do you like Earth so far?"

- This is my favorite: stare, cock your head to the side and squint. Think DiCaprio in Inception, but less intense:



They will 100% start talking:
"What is it?"
"What are you thinking?"
"What's wrong?"
"What are you looking at?"

I love it because it puts them on the edge for a moment. Just a little touch dread.

Then you go:
"I can't believe it", with a serious tone.

They'll freak out.

And then you pull something from earlier on during the interaction:

Girl: Oh my God, what is it?? Did I do something wrong?
Ringo: *Long pause to build suspense* I still can't believe you prefer tea over coffee.

If you get a laugh and/or punch to the shoulder, you're doing it right. Tension and release.

Post: #122

^^ Yea man. Funny thing is is that I contemplated exactly what we discussed before the date and then dove into needless worrying once it started.

I aim to get it right with the next chick however. The chick I went on the date with is taking forever to respond to messages, so I think she's out. On the other hand, I've matched with another so we'll see how it goes once I can get something setup.

Post: #123

Tuesday
Really really didn't want to go out since it was so cold. However, I saw I wasted the better part of my evening playing games and I thought, "if a friend called me up to go out in this weather, I'd probably do it". So I went ahead and pulled all my will together and went out.

I went to one bar and got something to drink. They were having some kind of trivia night, so everyone was with their huge group of friends. I made some small talk with a couple of people, but I started to feel really intimated and nervous since there wasn't really anyone there that was alone and then I left.

Onto to bar two.

There was a smaller crowd there and I was still feeling a bit anxious from the last place so I didn't go in expecting to say much or stay long. However, I heard some guys into the music biz talking about some producers I'm a big fan of and I had to join in. I then got to learn about some new good producers, hear some really wacked out stories from the dudes personal lives, and I also got to chat about producing music too.

After that, I looked at my watch and figured I satisfied my hour out and went home.

Today
I had to really push myself to go out again. I got to the place, looked around and noticed a few sets of two women. After that, I just sat down at the bar and....I didn't get up...even one time until I decided to leave.

It was a total waste. The whole hour I just sat, listened to the music, sipped my water, and continuously looked at my watch. There was almost zero social interaction.

Near the end of the hour, a woman came with her friend and said hey. After that I engaged her a little by asking if she had to work tomorrow and she said no since she's a student. I then asked her about where she studies and she told me where and then she started talking with her friend again.

As an aside, I noticed she was bouncing a lot when she talked. Well, I noticed myself start to do it too out of anxiousness, but I was able to catch myself and stop it. This is something I do often when I'm nervous about speaking to someone, so it's nice to see I caught it and stopped.

After that interaction I eyed my watch until my hour was up and left.

-------------
These outings were pretty disappointing to me. I need to stop going in and starting my night off with my mouth shut at a bar. Instead, I need to go in and open the first woman I'm into asap so I can get some semblance of momentum going here.

I initially thought going in, sitting, and chilling to start my night off was good, but the inaction just shackles my drive. The longer I sit like this, the more I start to notice the bad music, the passing time, my growing anxiety, and just everything else that's gonna kill my mood.

Post: #124

Better night tonight. My friends were being all wishy washy about going out as usual, so I decided I wasn't even going to wait and see if things panned out. So, I just decided to just peruse my phone book for some people I hadn't checked up on in awhile.

I ended up calling one old friend and he invited me out to chill with him and his other friends. It was cool to chat with them and they were fun to be around, so I could see us hanging out again.

After I left them, I went to some places alone. When I entered the first place, I made a couple jokes with one girl while I was playing a game. Next, I opened a couple people and chatted with them a little and then went into chill mode. After that, I opened set of girls where one was playing a game and the other was watching, but they totally ignored me. I then joked with a couple women about twerking on a machine and how they could win money by doing it and one of them responded(I probably should have tried to get her to talk more).

I then chatted a little with two women in line for a drink. I opened them by asking if they would get what the guys sitting at the bar got. After that, one of the women (the less attractive one-_-) started to ask me about myself and we chatted a second, but then I got my drink and walked off since I noticed the woman I wanted to talk was talking to the guys at the bar.

Soon, after a many more remarks and short conversations with others, I left.

I then went to another place. I ran into some familiar faces outside and chatted a little and then I went inside.

I kinda stood, sipped my drink and just listened to the live music at first. After a little, I did a toast with one woman since she was just drinking water too. I then went outside and made a couple remarks to some groups of people and then came back in. After that, I sat and tried to chat with the girl I toasted earlier but she wasn't trying to say anything since she was talking with her girlfriend. Afterwards, I really had to wonder why I wasted the time I did trying to open these women.

The music started to die down and then I noticed a group of dudes where one had on a ridiculous costume. I joked with them a little about it and then one of the guys made quip about asking everyone in the bar a funny question about his friend's costume.

I thought a little and realized the guys quip would be a perfect opener. So, I went up to various sets of women and made the quip about the costume and some got a kick out of it. Now that I think of it, I really should've tried to transition, but the thought wasn't passing through my mind.

-----
I was pleased with tonight. I was able to avoid a lot of the inaction and the problems I've alluded to that come with it. However, I didn't like that I made so many passing remarks instead of planting my feet and leading things to an actual conversation. I'm hoping to start more drawn out conversations with women the next time I go out.

Post: #125

Well, it's been a quiet little time in my log. I'm not without news though.

Sometime after my last entry I just got completely sick of trying to approach and completely bowed out from it all. I felt like all I ever thought about was talking to women everywhere I went, everyday, every waking second. Also since I had massive approach anxiety creep up again, I started that stupid cycle of seeing hot women, not approaching, and then feeling worthless all the time and I just had no drive whatsoever. Honestly, it was just mentally exhausting to have the repetitive thoughts in my head all day long.

A woman I met sometime back then started reaching out to me again. She would invite me out to hang with her and her friends and then maybe a couple times we went out together. Nothing really ever happened and I don't know if she wanted to be just friends or anything, but it was nice to just hang out and get to know her and other new people and just get my mind off constantly evaluating my achievements and failures with women.

A month ago I matched with this chick online that's a chef for this huge hotel. I was really online sparingly and I barely cared enough to send a message initially. Something I could attribute since my luck wasn't all that great online and I got jaded by the bland women I've encountered in the past. Anyways, I sent a message and we started to chat and I could see the chick was enthusiastic to speak and have conversations.

We then setup a date. We met at this chill bar and chatted for a bit. I didn't really do much touching and just focused on speaking to see how well I liked speaking to her. After that, when the date was over, I went for a small kiss and she seemed receptive to it.

A few more dates followed. I noticed she quickly became super touchy feely by only the second date and with each progressive one we were just making out tons. I never really ran into this before, but this chick was totally the initiator.

Then after one date last week, we started talking about tv shows and movies and then she suggested that we ought to watch something together. I thought it was a cool idea so I followed her to her place. We first sat down for a little in the living room and watched some of a movie, but then she remarked that she didn't like the tv there and said we ought to just watch it in her room.

We then went to her room. I laid down next to her and we started the movie up again. We then started making out after a little bit and I started moving my hands around her body. I noticed there was no resistance when I started moving my hands around her chest, so I then started to put my hands underneath her shirt to grab her breasts. No resistance. I then got her to take her top off and we made out a little more and then I took her bra off.

I kind of caressed her body and we made out some more. After that, I got her pants off and started to rub her vagina. I then started fingering her for a good bit and then she took her hands and started rubbing on my chest and then she started moving her hands lower and lower until she was gripping my penis. After that, she gave me a handjob and then I finished.

We then went back to making out. I fingered her a few more times and she gave me like three more hjs until I finished and we just kind of laid there for a bit talking and we went to sleep.

We've still been talking, but I don't wanna draw all this out much longer.



-----------
I just felt dirty about the experience in bed with her. The whole time we were getting cozy and stuff, the only stuff I could think was, "man, I probably shouldn't be doing this. How many other dudes have been inside her mouth while I'm laying here sticking my tongue down her throat? How many nastier things has she done? Am I sticking my finger in the wrong hole? My fingers feel pretty gooey right now."

In the end, I took it as far as I felt comfortable and I guess that's good to know. As I think about the experience, I feel more at ease with myself not because I got pretty far with this woman, but more because I'm more able to truly internalize that there's more stuff out there too worry about besides women.