Post: #126

^^^ I think what the girl did is pretty good advice right there. I will try it sometime.

Post: #127

I finally had sex. It was never really an immediate goal of mine to lose my virginity, but somehow it does feel more freeing.

Prior to this, I kept getting somewhere with women, but then I'd do something I knew would blow my chances of any future with them. Now, I think some of the self sabotage should taper off a little since in the very back of my mind, I'm no longer going to think "what if this goes too far and she wants sex, but I don't because I'm too religious about it???"

I don't know how it'll be chatting up new women since I'm not interested in playing the field while with this one woman. I'm looking forward to the future though.

Post: #128

I had to drop things with the last girl to pursue some overseas work in Georgia. The work has been slowly getting into gear, but it's been an interesting ride so far.

This country seems to have really conservative values and women that generally only seek relationships that'll lead to marriage. I've also had this anxiety over my head that no native woman wants to be seen even speaking with a minority, so I haven't approached at all lately. I will admit I met one native though.

As a result, I ended up falling really hard for another American working around me. The worst part of it is that it never led to anything. We talked on the phone and saw each other a lot over a long period of time and I would always probe her about her relationship status. The answer always confused me since on one hand it seemed she had someone, but on the other she didn't seem sure if she wanted to continue it, but I still kept talking to her.

Eventually, after a lot of frustration about my uncertainty if she felt the same about me, I told her directly how I felt. She seemed to imply there was something mutual there but then she started asking me weird questions like why I feel this way and then eventually told me she doesn't want more than a friendship.

As for the native, I don't know where we are. I always felt complete after talking to the American, so whenever I spoke to the native, I wasn't really all in. Anyways, in the beginning, she chased me more and we talked, but I never felt all that engaged while speaking to her. But now that I'm trying to move past the American, I can see she's becoming way less available. Also, some of her habits are starting to be a bit of a turn off. So, I don't want to be with this woman now. I'm really getting the vibe that I should just use her to develop a social circle with natives.

As of now, I'm trying to just deal with the bummer of all this. I feel this churning in my stomach all the time and I've only sent a couple messages to American since she told me where she stands, but I still want to speak to her so much more so bad. I'm also extremely frustrated with myself for letting things go so long and literally losing sleep on a woman that likely isn't the least bit occupied with this.

Post: #129

I was able to practice a lot of game and gleam a lot from other people lately. I'm happy for the whole experience since I feel a lot less conscientious about myself approaching. As a result, I would say I've learned that I have to lower the expectations I set for myself when around more advanced players because I noticed that I was more hesitant to approach people because I kept holding myself to the standards of approaching someone with a level higher than me.

The most important thing of all I learned is that you have to be comfortable with yourself. When I was able to stop thinking so deeply and just get to the point where I accept I'm an outsider and everyone already knows it, I felt a lot better about myself.

For example, I was able to just chat with a really attractive woman today in the metro and ask her more about herself today and it felt so much easier since I just felt good about myself.

I've read it all before, but now I can internalize the lesson that you should really focus on bettering you as much as you can. When you do, everything else in your world just flows worlds easier.

I was also able to push the thoughts of the woman who didn't want to be more than friends further back in my mind too. Just hanging with the guys and having great conversations with beautiful women really helped me keep all the moping at bay.