(09-01-2014 03:27 AM)sailor_09 Wrote:  Added a random hot girl on Facebook. One that doesn't seem to be attention whote. ~400 friends, ~20 likes on the sexy photos.

Our convo:
- Do we know each other?
- oop haha, usually I don't add random people. My crazy head probably found you for interesting and charming.
- This means?

She is still replying even when she knows it's random and pushing for very logical answers. Saying something along "wanted to get to know you" or "we can chat" is simply creepy and screams stalking.
I was thinking of something along "we can pretend we met at a club last night and had a really nice conversation so I added you"

What do you guys think?

do not get sucked into a facebook chat with them. try to switch to phone and text and meet up. if they balk, then they are not that interested and just move on.

I texted this girl

" Hey what's up?"
"In lab"

What's a good way to reach her later and set up a meet up?

(09-02-2014 04:09 PM)simondice Wrote:  I texted this girl

" Hey what's up?"
"In lab"

What's a good way to reach her later and set up a meet up?

Dumb question, ignore

I had a flake, the girl responded

" sorry I was definitely passed out "

How to go about it?

(09-03-2014 09:58 PM)simondice Wrote:  I had a flake, the girl responded

" sorry I was definitely passed out "

How to go about it?

Two options:

1) Ignore. Radio silence for at least several days, then re-engage with a feeler text.

2) Assume the sale for another meetup. Start by teasing her for passing out--e.g. call her "grandma," "old lady" or "lightweight". Then say "You'll have to make it up to me" and tell her she has to buy the first round or cook you dinner or something. Shows that she has to work and frames her as chasing you.

(09-04-2014 11:42 AM)Donkey_Riding Wrote:  

(09-03-2014 09:58 PM)simondice Wrote:  I had a flake, the girl responded

" sorry I was definitely passed out "

How to go about it?

Two options:

1) Ignore. Radio silence for at least several days, then re-engage with a feeler text.

2) Assume the sale for another meetup. Start by teasing her for passing out--e.g. call her "grandma," "old lady" or "lightweight". Then say "You'll have to make it up to me" and tell her she has to buy the first round or cook you dinner or something. Shows that she has to work and frames her as chasing you.

I'm already thinking this one is beyond irreparable

RVF please give me the unfiltered version of how I fucked up, do not be gentle.

(09-04-2014 12:31 PM)simondice Wrote:  

(09-04-2014 11:42 AM)Donkey_Riding Wrote:  

(09-03-2014 09:58 PM)simondice Wrote:  I had a flake, the girl responded

" sorry I was definitely passed out "

How to go about it?

Two options:

1) Ignore. Radio silence for at least several days, then re-engage with a feeler text.

2) Assume the sale for another meetup. Start by teasing her for passing out--e.g. call her "grandma," "old lady" or "lightweight". Then say "You'll have to make it up to me" and tell her she has to buy the first round or cook you dinner or something. Shows that she has to work and frames her as chasing you.

I'm already thinking this one is beyond irreparable

RVF please give me the unfiltered version of how I fucked up, do not be gentle.

You sort of followed the advice you received, but it was poorly implemented. I'm going to break down what I see, but I'm sure others who have better text game can clarify further:

"It's fine" - Boom, your first two words excuse her from her forgetful/lazy to outright poor behaviour.

"I had fun anyway" - This is not a DHV. At best it comes off as neutral, but at worst it comes off as defensive/fake. It doesn't challenge her at all and worse it doesn't intrigue her.

"You can make it up with a free drink or a massage." - This is worse with how you started off the line, but I wouldn't ever call out how she can make it up to you until she asks or it comes up. Otherwise it just comes off as tryhard.

ALSO, the line was way too long. Look at the length of her replies and yours.

"This isn't a negotiation. Being sassy is not cute at all." - Too serious, will only add fuel to the fire instead of letting it die out or moving forward. I would've gone with silence, silence followed with "gay" or "unsubscribe," a wrong person text, or a neg-type thing that is somewhat vague such as "real cute."

"Demanding is more fun than it looks" - I actually initially thought this was poor but I think it was a rather good save. You actually gained a little frame since she then started on the defensive with "Yes but also not cute." You probably could've gone into logistics from there or started flirting. Your response was not horrible, but you definitely needed to get the conversation moving towards a more fun/exciting/interesting direction.

Remember, girls just want to have fun.

@simondice:

First of all, it's probably over as soon as she flakes on you. It is very rare for a girl who flakes to ever meet you.

So what you text at this point probably doesn't matter anyway. But as far as the texting goes:

simondice Wrote:This isn't a negotiation. Being sassy is not cute at all.

Not bad, because you're laying things down and challenging her. But it seems like you're putting too much effort into this text. You've used two periods compared to her breezy lack of punctuation. I think it might have been better to go more nuclear here: "ur loss" (note the textspeak with no period). This lays it down and shows her you don't give a shit because you're higher value. She will either respond to re-engage you, or you've culled her out. Another possible response: "pfft"--unimpressed and dismissive; this also puts the ball in her court. Your reply here should communicate that because she's rejected your proposal, she has to be the one to put in the effort to continue the conversation. You want to put her in the situation where it's clear that she can take it or leave it.

As far as the rest of the exchange goes, I think you're caving to her frame too much by responding to her assertions directly. By going off of her comments about "demanding" and "cute," you're letting her lead the conversation. Your replies are too logical. It would be better to challenge her in a more playful/DGAF fashion. E.g. "little spoon doesn't make the rules" (credit to Roissy).

getting shit tested left and right by this very conservative girl. saw a pic of me with some girl and she flips. got her naked last date. starts shit testing me asking if we're "dating" or not i pass all her tests. i ask her for a third date and she shit tests me saying she's too busy for me and she sends this wall of text. she likes me but thinks im some crazy badboy player, really i'm after her because she's ltr material.


how do I address this? I want another date. Currently I'm going radio silent.





I can sense the dread.

(09-05-2014 01:32 AM)Valhalla Wrote:  getting shit tested left and right by this very conservative girl. saw a pic of me with some girl and she flips. got her naked last date. starts shit testing me asking if we're "dating" or not i pass all her tests. i ask her for a third date and she shit tests me saying she's too busy for me and she sends this wall of text. she likes me but thinks im some crazy badboy player, really i'm after her because she's ltr material.


how do I address this? I want another date. Currently I'm going radio silent.





I can sense the dread. :laugh:

I'm not sure I completely got you. You got her naked on the last date and that's it, no further?
if I got it right, the girl freak out becuase of that. it feel weird for her afterwards. what exactly happened?

If I got it right, radio silent is not going to help you, it just make it feel more weird for her.
I would send something like
"[Her name], I understand where you are coming from. I understand that you got hurt in the past. But being on the defensive don't going to help any of us. it's impossible to get to know people in SMS and also it feels weird to talk over here. so, let's meet like normal people, and tell me everything that bother you. are you available tommorow?"

it's less effective the more time that passes..

Damn, hamster is going crazy on this one. ^^^he's right, the more radio silence the more she's ready to eject.

He's also right on meeting up, fuck the texting and phone, meet face to face, eye to eye. Women tend to tone it down when being in an actual conversation. Make sure you're dominant but address her concerns, just don't put her on the pedestal since you want an LTR.

@hu that sounds beta and plays into her frame too hard. Her hamstering isn't even true. She's saying it because seeing me with the other girl let her know im playing the field the messing around is irrelevant.

I'd rather say something like

Pressure flip and drama game

"I'd take you more seriously if you'd make time for me" (pressure flip it on her and create funny drama, i asked her out last week so i went out with a different girl)

One liner reframe

"Good thing I'm a nice guy"

A&A

"That's why me and you and are getting married on the third date so we'll be together...FOREVER an EVER"

Vulnerability and drama game...

"i am looking for something real but I've been hurt in the past and it's hard to let someone in. give it time. it's really complicated I'll tell you when we meet"

(09-05-2014 12:39 PM)Valhalla Wrote:  @hu that sounds beta and plays into her frame too hard. Her hamstering isn't even true. She's saying it because seeing me with the other girl let her know im playing the field the messing around is irrelevant.

I'd rather say something like

Pressure flip and drama game

"I'd take you more seriously if you'd make time for me" (pressure flip it on her and create funny drama, i asked her out last week so i went out with a different girl)

One liner reframe

"Good thing I'm a nice guy"

A&A

"That's why me and you and are getting married on the third date so we'll be together...FOREVER an EVER"

Vulnerability and drama game...

"i am looking for something real but I've been hurt in the past and it's hard to let someone in. give it time. it's really complicated I'll tell you when we meet"

You know that's actually a great point of view, looks like I've got some reading to do.

(09-05-2014 12:39 PM)Valhalla Wrote:  @hu that sounds beta and plays into her frame too hard. Her hamstering isn't even true. She's saying it because seeing me with the other girl let her know im playing the field the messing around is irrelevant.

You're wrong in my opinion. If you're actually interested in her for LTR, you would do well to listen to the advice given. Even a simple, "I'm really busy but let's get together and we can chat about it" would likely work fine.

You need to have her play into your frame while knowing you'll address her concerns. She needs the comfort before she opens up her legs to you.

@Valhalla - She just wrote you almost an A4 size of SMS, almost anything you going to say will not be "beta".
just don't answer to her statements directly - which I didn't did.

It looks like she really into you but at the same time really have some concerns, so:

"I'd take you more seriously if you'd make time for me"
"Good thing I'm a nice guy"
"That's why me and you and are getting married on the third date so we'll be together...FOREVER an EVER"

All of those are too much of Player-flirty approach (what raise her red flags at the first place) doing it will just strengthen her fear. You even don't try to set a date directly and even if she answer you going to beat around the bush without a point.
I think there is a time you need to stop (or at least reduce) playing games - and that time is now, with her.

"i am looking for something real but I've been hurt in the past and it's hard to let someone in. give it time. it's really complicated I'll tell you when we meet"
it's OK becuase she probably hurt in the past and thats why she cautious, but thats ok as long as she believe it. (some girls may take it as bullshit - she already think you are too much of a player)

@AneroidOcean - Sound good too. I just added what I added to show her that I understand why she acts like this, and will understand even better when we meet.

Banged a girl last Thursday first date from online.

I want this girl as a mini-LTR.

My only open slot this last weekend was Saturday night so I said lets hang out then. She responds she is busy. I throw out this last Wednesday she agrees.

Fastforward to last Wednesday she cancels 4 hours before because she got called into work. I text back "k" a few hours later and she responds with a pic of her at her work desk with the message "Booooooooo"

The next day (yesterday) I respond with "whats your schedule this weekend". (Her work schedule is all over the place).

She takes over 24 hours to respond (today) with a short text with her weekend schedule.

Since she was busy last Saturday, then cancelled on me for work Wednesday, then took over a day to respond to me...

I feel like it would be weak to respond soon aka this weekend..

How long do you guys think I should wait to hit her up? Her schedule leaves her open Saturday and Sunday night. I strike now for a 2nd date or let her wait in silence over the weekend. If I don't strike I have to go through throwing out days and guessing her schedule again.

@Travesty444 To build a relationship with a girl you have to first build a strong emotional bond and connection. Use to be that by the time you had sex with a girl that would usually be there but now girls are having sex just like guys. It doesn't mean anything to them. So having sex with girl doesn't mean you have built the foundation for a relationship. For a relationship you have to get a girl to emotionally invested in you. Ironically it is actually easier to do this if you withhold sex. If a girl wants sex and you withhold it, you create sexual tension which triggers emotions. This also makes you stand apart from other guys and gets her thinking about you. The more you can get a girl thinking about you the more emotionally invested in you she will become. Some guys advocate having sex as quickly as possible. I personally don't do this if I am looking for a relationship which I usually am. I focus on building an emotional bond and a connection rather than getting sex from her. Once you have that, the sex is easy, and a relationship becomes possible because you have the foundation for one. There is a good chance if you have sex on the first date that the girl may feel that you will never view her as relationship material. This has happened to me a number of times. In another post I explicitly warn guys about this:

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-38993.html

This should maybe belong on the thread "How to get laid on okc" but I'm stuck. Anyhow , I noticed this perfect 8 on okc and decided to send her a message. I did not come with a unique opener and decided to go straightforward.
Me: Hey Sarah , how r u ?
Her: Fine and u ?
Me: Pretty good . How was your day ?
Her: (she actually never answered since august 31st)

Her profile states that she's interested in LTR which is not my case. "Am'hit that pussy & I'm gone" . I believe that this was the major turnoff for her maybe . Help me out guys.

Ok here is one for the masters on here. I met this chick online very cute MILF 34 originally from Europe, hot sophisticated, dresses really nice. Heels dresses looks good. I am older than her. We hit it off on the phone. It was a strong connection for online. Did a little texting and she was lol and saying I was funny.

I did not carry it too far did not want to be a clown. She seemed to like sending me photos without me asking. She is proud of how she looks.We agreed to meetup when I got back in town. Schedules did not mesh. Couple of weeks later texted her again and she asked me to meet before I could ask her. Set a day and time for drinks. Once again schedules clashed more my fault than hers.

So then she is going out of the country for two weeks. Last text exchange was this. I know this is bad but tell me like it is:

Me: Lets meet up at 6:30 9:43 AM
Her: Sorry but this not going to work for me, the only time I was available was today at lunch the rest of the day I'm busy 11:12 AM
Me: Lol...we can do it another time... 7:07 PM
Her: Yes that is a good possibility... Friday I am leaving for (location)..I will be there for 2 weeks 8:44 PM
Me: (location)?... What kind of present are you bringing back to me? 9:19 PM
Her: Is yoga vacation 9:23 PM
Me: So that's how you get that tight little body...I meditate every day...(location) is a very spiritual place 9:29 PM

I know that last one is try hard. What would you guys do?

Then tonight a week after she should have gotten back I sent this:

Me: Hello cutie...how was your trip? 10:31 PM

How was this? It has been a couple of hours and no response. Not a big deal, but this chick is hot. And I am working on two other ones right now. I am new to this and learning.

You're doing well, just stop playing game and get her out in person. Throw out more than 1 day at once so there is a better chance fuckups don't happen. After a certain point stringing it out too long is going to ruin it.

(09-05-2014 11:09 PM)reco2100 Wrote:  Ok here is one for the masters on here. I met this chick online very cute MILF 34 originally from Europe, hot sophisticated, dresses really nice. Heels dresses looks good. I am older than her. We hit it off on the phone. It was a strong connection for online. Did a little texting and she was lol and saying I was funny.

I did not carry it too far did not want to be a clown. She seemed to like sending me photos without me asking. She is proud of how she looks.We agreed to meetup when I got back in town. Schedules did not mesh. Couple of weeks later texted her again and she asked me to meet before I could ask her. Set a day and time for drinks. Once again schedules clashed more my fault than hers.

So then she is going out of the country for two weeks. Last text exchange was this. I know this is bad but tell me like it is:

Me: Lets meet up at 6:30 9:43 AM
Her: Sorry but this not going to work for me, the only time I was available was today at lunch the rest of the day I'm busy 11:12 AM
Me: Lol...we can do it another time... 7:07 PM
Her: Yes that is a good possibility... Friday I am leaving for (location)..I will be there for 2 weeks 8:44 PM
Me: (location)?... What kind of present are you bringing back to me? 9:19 PM
Her: Is yoga vacation 9:23 PM
Me: So that's how you get that tight little body...I meditate every day...(location) is a very spiritual place 9:29 PM

I know that last one is try hard. What would you guys do?

Then tonight a week after she should have gotten back I sent this:

Me: Hello cutie...how was your trip? 10:31 PM

How was this? It has been a couple of hours and no response. Not a big deal, but this chick is hot. And I am working on two other ones right now. I am new to this and learning.

Fell off near the end.

It seems like she should have countered your offer to meet later in the evening sooner, so you could have got lunch together or something.

I'd just let it play out and go from there. If she doesn't get back to you, there are others out there probably better than her.

I still don't understand why you guys sweat this stuff. Do you really think it matters what you say if a girl really wants to see you? The bottom line is that a woman can and will change her mind based on her emotions which can be influenced by literally a million different factors of which you are only one of them. As long as you have been reasonable in your interaction with her that's all you can do. But don't expect them to be reasonable in return. If anything you can expect them to be quite unreasonable and flaky.

If a girl wants to see you she will help you to make that happen. If she doesn't then she won't and good luck under those circumstances. The moment you start second guessing yourself and micro-analyzing your text messages you are pretty much done. Because that will communicate neediness. And the one thing you cannot be with American women is needy.

If you have trouble seeing a girl I can promise you it has nothing to do with your text message "game" and everything to do with her value of you - which was established when you got her phone number. You also have no idea who you are competing against, which can change day by day. Ultimately you simply do not know enough about what is going on in her world to know why she is seeing you or not seeing you.

Guys thanks for the advice. I will do that. I am still learning this stuff. Does it come off as too needy? What is a good way to eliminate that?

Normally the pattern is a meet a woman usually online. Start the text conversation and set up a time to meet. Then there is a time lag in between when we first texted and we are to meet. I try to build attraction and keep interest going with more texting. Should I not do that? Just wait to the date and then escalate from there? What if the time lag is long a week or two weeks?

By the way Nomad I am going to be in Miami next week. I can meet up.

@reco2100 I don't much about online game because I don't use it but basically it's still the same. You have to establish and communicate value and then build rapport. This is much harder to do online. This is the where the "art" of communicating comes into play. There are a number of threads on here about online dating that you should look into. PM me when you are here.

(09-05-2014 01:32 AM)Valhalla Wrote:  getting shit tested left and right by this very conservative girl. saw a pic of me with some girl and she flips. got her naked last date. starts shit testing me asking if we're "dating" or not i pass all her tests. i ask her for a third date and she shit tests me saying she's too busy for me and she sends this wall of text. she likes me but thinks im some crazy badboy player, really i'm after her because she's ltr material.


how do I address this? I want another date. Currently I'm going radio silent.





I can sense the dread.

This girl likes you a lot and wants to date you, but she fears that you are going to pump and dump her. If you give her an aloof or asshole attitude in response to this she is going to blow you out.

Don't make the mistake of thinking this is a value shit test when it is actually a comfort shit test. Heartiste discussed the difference recently:

Quote:When a woman is seeking sexiness, her unrehearsed interrogation will take the form of value filters. The value shit test is a test for male aloofness, state control, abundance, coolness, and social acumen. When a woman is seeking security, she’ll prod for signals of attainability and seriousness. The comfort shit test is lethal to newbies because they don’t recognize it before it’s too late, and because this shit test can sound *exactly* like a value shit test. But the context in which it is delivered is everything.

What works to neutralize value shit tests won’t for comfort shit tests. For this reason, Agree and Amplify is not a good response to the latter. All that will accomplish is boxing yourself into the “entertainment monkey” cad caricature she can have fun with and then safely and without regret disengage from once the act bores her. The best Comfort Shit Test response alleviates a girl’s insecurity while strengthening emotional closeness.

Another example of a deceptively similar Value/Comfort shit test:

“I bet you’re a player.”

If you get this early on, it’s a value shit test. She secretly wants you to be a player who is loved by women. That’s male mate value. Your reply should adhere to the amused mastery format: “That’s what your mom said too. Strange.”

If she says this during a one-on-one moment of deep rapport, long after she’s dropped numerous indicators of romantic interest, then it’s a comfort shit test. Now would NOT be the time to escalate flirty tension. You want to release the tension, e.g., “I’m looking for someone I click with. I don’t think I’m different than you in that regard.”

Value shit tests tend to happen a lot with higher SMV girls who perceive themselves (at least initially) as out of your league. Comfort shit tests happen with lower SMV girls who fear you’ll use them for short-term sexual gratification, or with high SMV girls who experience a downward shift in their self-perception from the expert application of your SMV equalizing game.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/06/1...hit-tests/

Text her that you want to meet her in person so you two can talk. When you meet you will have to walk a fine line- telling her that you like her and would like to try having a relationship with her but without coming across as a sappy beta. This is not easy. Think about what you want to say beforehand and maintain good demeanor and body language while you are talking to her. Don't act all playerish-she already see you as a player and you don't need to reinforce that at this point. Listen to her and try to build an emotional connection. You will know you are succeeding if you start feeling a warm vibe. She'll probably only give you this one chance. Good luck.