My new approach to this date, and future dates was to not kiss her unless she was back in my bedroom.
Instead, build comfort. Drop bait midway. Tell stories. Touch her. Let her speak 70% of the time.
Setting up the date:
Girl age, 23. I met her at an open mic. I approached her in between sets to talk to her for a short minute. Then again at the end, we talked for three minutes tops. She was with a friend and in a rush. But to my surprise, she asked me out by saying, “maybe you’d like to get coffee sometime.”
Texting with her was a breeze. I texted her three days later, “Yo (name) its Jagnum” She responded with something like, “Hey, I’m glad I finally heard from you.” I got her schedule for the week, and we met up.
We went to my favorite dive bar, stayed for about 90 minutes. I didn’t venue change, possibly in response to fact she wasn’t drinking alcohol (first time a girl didn't drink on a date). She brought along coconut water.
On the date:
I made sure to sit right next to her immediately. She was really curious about me, so she went right into asking me many questions. I told a higher value story about my acting class (previous night) how I was in a scene with simple lines, yet I was able to subcommunicate a serious feeling/emotion to the audience. She thinks I’m in serious study of acting now (I’ll take it). I also did something new called “bad listening”, where you deliberately be a bad listener for a little under a minute. The idea is to create a void of comfort so you suddenly become a good listener again, and in doing so, the comfort created is stronger. It’s a new concept, I think it worked. Send me a PM for more info.
Overall, she was asking me a lot of questions. Her body language was poor at first. She was sitting next to me, but kept a distance, her very, very nice ass was angled away from me on the bench. I asked about her watch. I touched her a lot and she wasn’t pulling away more, so that was a good sign.
It’s a barcade, so we went up to play pinball after around 30 minutes. We sat back down and this time we sat closer. She was feeling more comfortable. We talked sexual topics a bit, I asked if she had “satisfying sex in the last three months” (from Braddock’s questions game). I also asked if she fantasized about sleeping with any of her coworkers. A good moment came when she said, “you probably have more experience than I do.” I responded with, “I’ve found all women to be different. Some like it when I kiss them deep in their mouth and pull their hair back, where others like it when I kiss towards the front of the mouth. No matter what, I’m always kissing with passion.” But there would be no kiss for her tonight.
I did two things differently, based on these three forum posts:
1. Focusing on comfort. I did nearly everything I know kino wise, especially in the last thirty minutes—salsa dancing with her the “basic” movement, body backwriting (from Lovedrop’s Kino escalation), drawing a map on her leg so she could show me her town relative to the city (from Gambler), hair stroke move (Roosh), asking if she works out and then for her to flex her arm (Roosh), cupping her lower back with my arm (Roosh), etc...
Comfort was also letting her talk as much as possible, although she was asking me a lot of questions throughout the night.
2. Not kissing. First time I’ve gone on a date without intending to kiss her, but I like this approach. I think it leaves her wanting something, so she’s more inclined to meet again.
Ending the date:
After we did body backwriting, about 90 minutes in to the date, I needed to pull the trigger, I paused and said,
“Let’s go and I can show you some of the photos I took in New York.” (I dropped bait mid-way about an interest in street photography, and she also mentioned she will be going to NYC for the first time later this summer).
She shook her head and said, “No”.
I wasn’t sure what to do next. I decided to bring it up a few more times (being persistent).
We talked for another two minutes in the bar and I told her, “Let’s get out of here" without specifying where. Outside the bar, I added I had to be up early and told her, “We can only hang out for a little bit anyway”. She said she no again; she had to go to bed. I asked if she drove to the bar (yes) and whether she could drive me home. In the car ride, I rambled with light conversational topics for a minute and then asked her once more “You don’t want to come in for five?” (I admit this was poor wording). She said, “No. Maybe another time.” With not much gusto. Then I say something dumb—“It’ll be fine though. You’re nervous.” She replies, “No I’m actually not [nervous] at all.” A bit later I tell her, “I just wanted to hang out.” She replies, “Yeah, that’s fine.” We get to my place and she says, “Well thanks for showing me the bar. It’s a cool place.” I climb over to the driver’s seat and whisper in her ear, “Maybe another time.” She replies with a weak, “Yeah” followed by, “Have a good night.” And then I got out of the car. I don't know.
I felt more relaxed not worrying about the kiss. Roosh was so adamant in "Bang" to get the kiss on the first date that I was always pressuring myself to get the kiss in.
OregonToSoCal has a few nice posts with conversations after she initially rejects an offer to come back to his place. I think the forum would benefit with more conversation examples of responses when she tells you “no” after your invite.
Overall, it felt good, but not great. She wasn't convinced I just wanted a private place to kiss. I think she likes me enough, I’m planning to text her in a few days, invite her over to cook dinner. I dropped bait about how much I love to cook.
As for venue changing, next time I’ll get her to a second bar, then hit my hands on the bar and say, “You know what — screw it. Let’s check out some of my New York photos and watch an episode of Arrested Development.” Probably wouldn’t have changed the outcome this time, but I’ll give it a shot.
I’ll keep you updated. You guys are all a motivation.