In line with (and h/t to) samsamsam's "Great Comments By RVF Members" thread ( /thread-51109...pid1131544 ), I think it'd be great to have one for funny stand-alone comments. Same rules apply:
1) No comments about the quotes. If it is good there should be no need to explain it. Any person who likes the quote, just like it. If you have any comments, go to the original thread
2) Put in the link to the post you got the quote/comment from so people can go to it to participate
3) Let's focus on things that apply to all of us, let's avoid topics like race and guns, etc.
4) Obviously, I am not a moderator, you can do what you want but I would like this thread to be one of hilarity generated by our own great writers and thought leaders.
5) Hopefully, the quote contributed is a stand alone. Not something that would require a ton of understanding/following of the thread which generated the comment.
I searched and couldn't find anything on this topic.
Here's what inspired me to start this thread:
(01-25-2016 08:53 AM)Aquiles_Baesta_Parada Wrote:
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
Quote:Hey guys, recently found out I am a god on testosterone, so I hold it in, I don't sleep around till the point when I sleep around then I am back to day 0.
Any way to combine healthy sex life and high levels of testosterone?
Thanks in advance.
Allow me to rephrase; How do I have sex without losing the vitality that comes with the high levels of T?
Yardog replies
Quote:Easy bro - pull out and cum in your hand. Then shove that cum in your mouth and swallow to avoid losing your vitality or lowering your T.
Ancient Greeks did this too.
(This post was last modified: 01-25-2016 01:47 PM by Anabasis to Desta.)
(01-27-2016 04:04 PM)Virtus Wrote: Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khruschev to his bedside. Wheezing his last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "Comrade, the reins of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you some advice."
"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Khruschev.
Reaching under his pillow, Stalin produces two envelopes marked 1 and 2. "Take these letters," he tells Khruschev. "Keep them safely--don't open them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a gasp Stalin breathed his last.
Well, Khruschev succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things started going badly--unemployment increased, crops failed, people became restless. Nikita decided it was time to open the first letter. All it said was: "Blame everything on me!" So Khruschev launched a massive deStalinization campaign, and blamed Josef for all the excesses and purges and ills of the present system, and bought himself some time that way.
But things continued on the downslide--Kennedy successfully rebuffed Soviet missiles in Cuba, unemployment increased even more, crops failed even more, the Politburo was unhappy with Khruschev's leadership and upstarts like Brezhnev and Gromyko were threatening his credibility. So finally, after much deliberation, Nikita opened the second letter.
All it said was: "Write two letters."
A post by Seabridge contained the following gem
(last 2 lines expecially)
Second one last night, a iranian/iraqi girl, which was a first for me. It
is not common in Denmark that migrant/muslim girls hook up with
danish men, but i think its great for the future of my country, that i
blasted deep inside of her pussy.
(01-25-2016 01:43 PM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote: Elmo Louis asks a legit question
Quote:Hey guys, recently found out I am a god on testosterone, so I hold it in, I don't sleep around till the point when I sleep around then I am back to day 0.
Any way to combine healthy sex life and high levels of testosterone?
Thanks in advance.
Allow me to rephrase; How do I have sex without losing the vitality that comes with the high levels of T?
Yardog replies
Quote:Easy bro - pull out and cum in your hand. Then shove that cum in your mouth and swallow to avoid losing your vitality or lowering your T.
Great thread! When I read that comment by Yardog in the original thread it made my laugh so hard, my stomach/abs were hurting.
Dalaran1991 posted this little gem today:
(01-29-2016 04:27 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote: ...This is not beating a dead horse. This is digging up a dead horse, resurrect it with necromancy, beat it to death, then beat it again until you are sure it's dead, then ass-fuck the corpse, then beat it again...
Talking about guys who suck with women is just a form of mental masturbating to persuade yourself that you are better than them...
(10-09-2015 12:13 PM)Cr33pin Wrote: I started drinking beet juice as a natural pre work out before I get them GAINZ in the gym bruh...... and I have done ripped 3 pair or jeans... not from my massive glutes blowing up from squatting 1600 pounds (get on my level) but from the raging erections I get after that beet juice hits my system. I ended up just tying a couple 45lb plates on a chain and putting the other end on my dick and doing dick lifts. But last time I did it I exploded the weight up so fast the plates came up and hit me in the eye. Now I look like I just got out of the ring with Tyson in his prime. So I got these raging rock hard erections but this busted up face.... I don't even have to go to the gym no more I get my gainz from all the fucking fapping I got to do. I don't even know what the point of this post was anymore but I got to go fap.
(fap fap fap fap, oh yea stick a finger in my ass, fap fap)
(01-29-2016 05:40 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote: I always wondered who would get all the cash if lesibains divorced? With two pairs of tits, how would the judge know who to give all the money to?
(12-19-2012 12:36 PM)starmaze Wrote: I am pissed off because I felt I did good job with her. Even if she wasnt interested she could let me know it in more sublte way. I deleted her number but now I think I should throw shit on her for disrespect she showed me ignoring my message. It wouldn’t not change the dynamic but I would definitely felt better.
Would you throw some shit on her or just move on?
(12-19-2012 12:49 PM)Sourcecode Wrote: are we talking...real shit?
(01-07-2016 04:29 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote: She's just a girl. Get her addicted enough to your words and your cock, and she'll construct a Halliburton shrine in her Bushwick walk-up decorated with huge images of a scowling Dick Cheney, and you can come in her luscious coconut-brushed mouth and kale-infused asshole on the Rape Culture™ altarpiece while listening to the faint rumble of a newly purchased, monstrously powerful and energy inefficient Speed Queen washer wasting untold watts on cleansing a single pair of expensive city girl designer jeans that you pissed on the day before.
(This post was last modified: 01-30-2016 01:31 PM by General Stalin.)
(01-07-2016 09:23 PM)AntiTrace Wrote: I once had a horrible ingrown hair in the crack of my ass. Really deep down in there. I couldn't even sit down.
My girlfriend at the time, being the trooper (and disgusting bitch) she was, was all too happy to pull it out for me. She grabbed a pair of tweezers and I layed face down spread eagle in the living room floor. She proceeded to start searching for the offending ingrown.
Of course it was deep down in there and I, like many men, have a hairy ass crack. The fucking thing was camouflaged. I tell her to grab a flashlight, and to get right down in there.
So she did. And there she was, hunching over the asscheeks I was spreading open, wielding a pair of tweezers in one hand and a flash light in the other. He face was mere inches from my ass crack.
What's a man to do? Sure I want this thing plucked out. Sure I want this pain to stop. But at what cost? Was I willing to miss the golden, once in a lifetime, opportunity to show complete and utter dominance over my girlfriend just so I could be relieved of some pain?
No. I chose the pain.
So trying not to give myself away I told her "Get closer, you're almost there. Get closer you can probably see it. It hurts so bad, get closer"
And she did.
Closer she got...
then closer..
and even closer...
And right before she could pluck that horrible ingrown asshair...with her face so close that my ass hairs were tickling her nostrils, I pushed out the loudest, nastiest, beer fart that I could muster.
She revolted backwards against the wall, slamming her head off the closet door in the process. Slapping at her face with one hand, like she was trying to exorcise a demon, and rubbing the back of her head with her other, screaming all sorts of obscenities. I jumped out, giggy as could be, and pumped my fists into the air to celebrate my accomplishment.
That is my fondest memory of that relationship. So yeah, them bitches do some nasty grooming from time to time. But I appreciate it.
Bruising cervix since 96
#TeamBeard
"I just want to live out my days drinking virgin margaritas and banging virgin señoritas" - Uncle Cr33pin
(This post was last modified: 01-30-2016 11:41 PM by Cr33pin.)
DrCotard's signature reminded me of this gem from Cr33pin, that guy is a barrel of laughs.
GoldHawkstar asking him if he is going to play the Call of Duty III beta...
(08-11-2015 03:58 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:
(08-11-2015 01:23 PM)Goldhawkstar Wrote: Cr33pin, are you gonna be playing the beta August 24?
I never play the beta..... the alpha in me wont allow it
Bruising cervix since 96
#TeamBeard
"I just want to live out my days drinking virgin margaritas and banging virgin señoritas" - Uncle Cr33pin
Quote:"An attempt at anti-bullying went awry at Southwest High School in Green Bay, Wisconsin, leading to a teacher getting punched in the face.
Ridwaan Mohamud, a 17-year-old of Somali background, broke his teacher’s nose on December 21 after stewing all weekend over comments the teacher made the previous Friday.
Allegedly, in an attempt to assure Mohamud that he is “not ugly”, the instructor jokingly had told the student “I would date you.”
Mohamud’s family says that 'the interpreted homosexual comment is extremely offensive.'
[Mohamud] is charged as an adult in Brown County Circuit Court with substantial battery and disorderly conduct and could face 3½ years in prison if convicted.
The school’s associate principal, Jeff Vanlannen told police he’d been made aware of the discussion on Friday and assured Mohamud the teacher wasn’t making advances to him, the complaint says.
Mohamud’s mother told school authorities and police that she had tried to talk Mohamud out of being angry over the weekend, the complaint says. Mohamud entered the teacher’s first-hour class Monday, called out his name, then approached and punched him in the face, the complaint says. Witnesses who intervened said the teacher made no effort to defend himself, the complaint says."
(12-30-2015 08:59 PM)LINUX Wrote: Stupid kid. If he keeps on like this, he'll never become a taxi driver.
(12-31-2015 05:32 AM)Suits Wrote:
(12-30-2015 09:40 PM)porscheguy Wrote: WTF is Somali cuisine? 28 ways to cook UN food relief protein powder?
Somali cuisine recipe video.
(12-31-2015 09:32 AM)Moma Wrote: Going strong, if USA and Europe has a lot of hardworking people, how come the immigrants always do better than the average person when it comes to education and work?
Regarding immigrants, you should blame the big companies who dictate the immigration policies, they are the ones who make the decisions
(12-31-2015 09:47 AM)RedPillUK Wrote:
(12-31-2015 09:32 AM)Moma Wrote: Going strong, if USA and Europe has a lot of hardworking people, how come the immigrants always do better than the average person when it comes to education and work?
Regarding immigrants, you should blame the big companies who dictate the immigration policies, they are the ones who make the decisions
how come the immigrants always do better than the average person when it comes to education and work?
I know one shouldn’t kick a man when he’s but I wasn’t able to resist. Please excuse any typos or errors; it was written very quickly. Background Music
Papa, just killed my plan,
Put my guac against it’s head
Pulled my trigger now it’s ¡Yeb!
Papa, the race had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away.
Papa, ooo,
Didn’t mean to make you cry.
If I’m not cucked again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.
Too late, our time is done,
He sends shivers down my spine
Media's buzzing all the time
Goodbye, everybody.
I’ve got to go,
But I'll leave behind my famous guac.
Mama, ooo (anyway the Don goes),
I don't like the Don
I sometimes wish he’d never run at all.
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Daddy Bush, Daddy Bush, will you do the fandango?
Gunshot or cyanide,
Very, very frightening me!
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro―magnifico.
I'm just a rich boy and nobody loves me
(he's just a rich boy from a rich family)
Spare him his life from this low energy.
Easy Don, easy bro.
Will you let me go?
Low energy, no! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Low energy, no! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)
We will not let you go. (Let me go!)
[...]
So you think you can stop me and spit in my guac?
So you think you can bully me and leave me to die?
Oh, Donald, can't do this to me, Donald.
Just gotta get out
Just gotta get right outta here.
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me.
weambulance Wrote:Apparently when we were all worrying about peak oil and the fossil fuel crisis in the last 20 years, we should've been worried about peak creativity. It seems there's none left.
We move between light and shadow, mutually influencing and being influenced through shades of gray...
03-11-2016 07:07 AM
The following 2 users Like Elster's post:2 users Like Elster's post Irenicus, DrCotard
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