(07-31-2015 12:52 PM)Engineer Wrote:  ...write the initial reply, do not send, wait at least 15 minutes, and come back later with this in mind: cut the length in half and double the rudeness.

I like this.

(07-31-2015 12:52 PM)Engineer Wrote:  Cut the length in half and double the rudeness.

Gold.

(07-31-2015 10:54 AM)Dantes Wrote:  

(07-31-2015 10:52 AM)reco2100 Wrote:  

(07-31-2015 10:44 AM)Dantes Wrote:  

(07-31-2015 10:05 AM)reco2100 Wrote:  

(07-28-2015 04:02 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  I totally agree reco2100. Overthink it and miss some of the joy in life. Never fully trust, miss out on that connection with someone who may truly love you.

It is the balance of everything, and I guess that balance shifts depending on a bunch of variables.

My plan is going to be getting an irrevocable trust.

I'll bring in a couple of assets, but park everything outside of it.

Not saying I am there yet to do this. Just my plan.

Also, I plan on working even if I am on some passive income. I need to set an example for my kids.

Samsamsam,

To add to our discussion on dating foreign women and younger women let me add a few observations. Like I said I have dated some from LA and FSU in the US but never been overseas and dating. But I started engaging in some online contacts with some women from the FSU areas. These women have been from about 24 to one that was almost as old as me 52, (way too old but she was fucking gorgeous body and head and personality i could not help it. lol) I have emailed with them, exchanged many pictures, VIBER, phone calls, and SKYPE. And I wanted to share my personal experience so far with some observations.

-The women have been different in looks and character but as a baseline have all been a notch above most women I meet in the US. Also just subtract 10 years off of most Russian women compared to US women. So a 40YO Russian looks about as good as a 30 YO American woman and dresses better, eats better, no tattoos or piercings, works out regularly, and is as sweet and feminine as you can imagine.

-I have been engaged in conversations with women from Ukraine,Belarus, and different parts of Russia, and all have expressed in one way or another several common themes.

-They want to find a man for marriage and not for a green card or financial reward, and most want children or more children. They are very discerning and not a pushover. They are extremely family oriented almost to the point of obsession. And this is with women that are accomplished in their careers and very educated.

-Speaking of educated I have been dealing with Doctors, Lawyers, PHDs, Accountants, Corporate Directors, its really amazing. They are well spoken and well traveled and are not fools.

-Some have been really into me, some blew me off or were not truly interested in me. But there were more if I had the time or the energy to pursue more. None of them were concerned about my age even though I was 30 years older than one. They were concerned about two things family and love. These were the repeated themes throughout.

-Many of them were truly puzzled why I could not find a woman in the US, they told me I was a catch and did not understand. They were almost leery of me. This is not to brag. I am no George Clooney, I am decent looking and dress well not overweight, but I believe that the competition over there is minimal, since there are so few quality men. The ones I talked to are not looking for looks or money. They are looking for family, love, character, and someone who will stick with them, and not leave them for the next younger thing coming along.

-I believe that if you are a player and you are planning to go to this region just to mack on women you have your work cut out for you. Or you are going to end up with a different type of woman. Nothing wrong with that. Just not what I have been encountering for the most part.

-On the age thing. I think we still need to be careful. I actually had to cut off communication with a few smoking hot 20 somethings just because I felt it would not work in the long run. I personally think that if you are out there playing and looking for lots of fun and maybe mini relationships, then go as young as you can down to 18, hell I have done it. But if you are pursuing a woman for a long term family type situation. Then I believe going too young is not realistic. Maybe 20 years at the most. My opinion.

-The quality is outstanding, both looks and character, and if I am looking for a long term spouse or just a LTR this is where I would definitely look.

Cheers.

I agree with most of your points. However, having spent time in the FSU, you are overestimating the looks of older women. I don't see a ten year difference here as you point out. Life is hard here. They keep slim with diet, but they don't eat enough fruit and vegetables. All women go downhill. The difference is the women in FSU retain the femininity and dress sexy even as they age. You can date much younger here for sure. A 21 year old in Russia is much more mature than a a 21 year old in the US.

Looking for marriage or LTR here is a good option. But I encourage you to visit first before making conclusions from online experience. There are good girls to be found online but the quality is much higher meeting them once you get your boots on the ground.

You are spot on about dating and banging young girls here 18-23. They are attainable and fun, but if you are looking for LTR/marriage it is better to look a but older. There are exceptions of course.

Also, be careful. Many women have genuine interest in finding a man for love and building a life together. However, there are plenty of girls online primarily looking to leave their country and looking for a green card. Their motivation will be clear once you meet them in person.

With regard to south america, you can easily meet younger girls there. The main problem I see is they are hot at 20, but they have poor diets and their bodies go to hell as they age and have kids.

@Dantes, I agree and do not pretend to be an expert. Just giving my observations not any final conclusions. And yes you are right about being in the country, will give me a better informed opinion. Which I fully intend to do in the very near future. Will continue to report back my observations along the way.

I encourage you to go. Let me know if I can be of help.

Thanks man. I am not afraid to ask for help.

(07-29-2015 02:56 PM)Gixxy Wrote:  As far as updated style; what would you suggest? I'm not "dated" or anything. I dress business casual for the most part (jeans, button down untucked, shoes dependent on event or occasion, or shorts and short sleeve button down untucked, flip flops a lot.) Fitness needs to get back on point. No excuse there.

That's what I was afraid of; that's what I call "suburban dad" style. It's not awful, but you can add a lot to your SMV by dressing better than the average.

This is a huge subject, but the basics aren't hard to grasp. As a player, you need to stand out from the crowd by being better or different. We call it "peacocking", and it works very well. You have to build your individual style that takes into account factors such as your age, the type of women you want to attract, your location, your personality, and the image you want to project.

Start looking at men's style sites. The biggie is styleforum.net. Be cautious though; it;s not a game aware forum and some of the big posters are way too fuddy duddy in their tastes, but there is plenty of good style for a player to be seen there. Look at tumblr and pinterest for men's style blogs. Dappered.com and putthison.com are good blogs also. Look at thousands of pics-it won't take that long. Experiment-you'll find some things just work for you and some don't. Don't pay retail if you don't have too- look in in the style threads here for lists of clothing discounters. I have a great wardrobe I paid only a fraction of retail for.

And shoes-these are critical. Learn about shoe styles and who the good makers are. Women judge a man by his shoes much more than men realize. If you have questions ask on the style threads here or pm me or the other guys who post about style.

Welcome to the forum.

(07-28-2015 05:49 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  I love that the 40+ guys are showing here. I've got a shitload of down and dirty I've never shared once this thread and credible participants grows I'll let fly.

(07-31-2015 02:47 PM)MrXY Wrote:  That's what I was afraid of; that's what I call "suburban dad" style. It's not awful, but you can add a lot to your SMV by dressing better than the average.

Welcome to the forum.

Thanks for the styleforum tip. Great stuff! However, looking at some of that stuff, it is an absolute no-go in hotter climates. I wear a pilots' uniform. That outfit produces results. Last thing I want to get into after landing in Palm Springs/Houston/Dallas/Miami/ etc. is a suit and tie, or jeans, pants, etc. There's gotta be a middle ground somewhere? I absolutely want to improve in this area.

It should be noted, however, that I'm 6'5/245. I look my best at 227-235. That skinny jean thing will NOT fly on me. I do like linen quite a bit, though.

Suburban dad style - classic way to put it, and a lot of us older guys fall into that trap, but it's easy to avoid - sites like those mentioned can help.

Personally, I avoid shorts of any persuasion unless the situation calls for it - running, beach, gym, etc. I don't care what kind of shape you're in, there comes a point (usually post-20s) where grown men just should not wear shorts in public, period, especially if they are overweight. Take a look at the passengers walking off of a cruise ship to see what I mean. Nuff said.

Can't see your own dick without using a mirror? Then what's with the New Balance running shoes if you haven't actually run anywhere since about fourth grade? The right shoes are the easiest way to step up your game. Flip flops? You're at the beach when you wear them, right? Ok. Otherwise no chick wants to see your feet.

Polo shirts - seriously, is it 1987 again? Tucked or untucked, they scream suburban dad. And if you're going to wear jeans, that can work, but get some brand besides levis and make sure they fit right. No, I don't mean skinny jeans, just good stylish ones that don't look like you're about to go rake some leaves. And no, never pay retail - way too much of a markup on clothes and accessories.

I'll add a few more sites:

fashionbeans.com , thesartorialist.com and greyfoxblog.com

(07-31-2015 10:26 PM)SlickyBoy Wrote:  Suburban dad style - classic way to put it, and a lot of us older guys fall into that trap, but it's easy to avoid - sites like those mentioned can help.

Personally, I avoid shorts of any persuasion unless the situation calls for it - running, beach, gym, etc. I don't care what kind of shape you're in, there comes a point (usually post-20s) where grown men just should not wear shorts in public, period, especially if they are overweight. Take a look at the passengers walking off of a cruise ship to see what I mean. Nuff said.

Can't see your own dick without using a mirror? Then what's with the New Balance running shoes if you haven't actually run anywhere since about fourth grade? The right shoes are the easiest way to step up your game. Flip flops? You're at the beach when you wear them, right? Ok. Otherwise no chick wants to see your feet.

Polo shirts - seriously, is it 1987 again? Tucked or untucked, they scream suburban dad. And if you're going to wear jeans, that can work, but get some brand besides levis and make sure they fit right. No, I don't mean skinny jeans, just good stylish ones that don't look like you're about to go rake some leaves. And no, never pay retail - way too much of a markup on clothes and accessories.

Lol maybe in the US you can't wear shorts other countries like mine you just come over as up tight.
While every other fucker says "Aren't you hot in those pants?"

Fashion Tips and Sites I use to find FSU Stunners:

The Russian sense of style is fairly European - the winters being cold the women still wear furs and whoa be unto any animal rights activists terrorists who try to spray paint a a woman wearing a fur with blood red spray paint as happens in various major USA cities.

The roads are grimey and side walks slippery and stylish shoes take a beating and slips and falls are not uncommon so a black or dark grey over coat is cheap insurance to protect designer duds.

Moscow is like the NYC and Washington DC of Russia combined in one City - the seat of Political Power and the seat of Financial Power - every Russian billionaire has an office and crash pad in Moscow because just about any project needs to be approved and financed via Moscow - the regions have a lot of local autonomy but all major businesses and "Oligarchs" need a Moscow network and "roof".

Russian and other FSU ladies tend to be slim in their 20s and very style conscious - if they can't buy Euro designer brands (Sanctions etc) many just fly to Italy and shop at Italian discount Designer malls and shops - the ones who can't fly to Italy take their fashion magazines to China where the Chinese knock off anything they want for short money... more than one business - flying to chins for fashion knockoffs have been started in Russia that way. Other ladies just show fashion mag pictures of outfits the like and the local seamstresses will copy them in high quality - good old fashioned feminine sewing skills.

They hate the USA Dockers and Polos techie or suburban dad look - only time a Russian man wears shorts is to the beach - lakes rivers or ocean beaches and mostly speedo type banana hammocks - many older men 40+ with prominent pot bellies - Russian men live large or die trying.

The general style is pointed leather shoes designer slacks, (mostly black or dark indigo blue or charcoal grey). A collared shirt, leather belt and a Black leather mid length coat. Business meeting is a tailored two piece suite and crisp collared shirt and tie leather designer business shoes and belts. I never saw a Russian man wear a Polo or Button down shirt - one oligarch's nephew wore designer jeans with a Large Golf graphic shirt to a luncheon - so business casual designer look among the young Rich Russian Rollers is typical.

Whereas Russian Power Guys would never show up in anything less than a 2 piece suit and Collared shirt and tie.

The Russian ladies are laser focused on men's style and accessories and how they roll - Mercedes and Land Rovers being the preferred upscale vehicles of choice with Hummers (Still Plenty 2nd hand now that the GM Civilian Hummer factory shut down by the Obama Environmental Justice Warriors) and giant Suburbans a close second.

One of the Russian women's and men's famous negs is "Tell me please if your are so smart why you are not Rich?" This was in the Moscow where of course their flat tax of 13% is often negotiable.

I wore my standard US American Business suit "Uniform", Dark Navy Blue Pinstrip shirts, French cuff white contrasting collared or solid white business shirt - no button downs, conservative patterned business ties - I managed to pack for a week in Moscow with what i wore, a stuffed computer bag with computer and cell phones and one carry on bag - NO checked luggage.

I recall that the Oligarchs nephews liked my black leather cap toed business lace up shoes - military spit polished.

The Moscow roads and sidewalks were so salty grimey and icey in March that I had to have the shoes resoled - I still have them - interview shoes

The sites I like for Russian ladies - note major public and or social sites can have a lot of GCGs or Pros so must have game to sort them from the sincere ladies:

http://www.luckylovers.net/

http://freepersonals.ru/

http://www.mamba.ru/

http://vk.com/

http://www.getrussianwife.com/russian-wo...ery/page/2
http://realrussianmatch.com/

last two sites owned by a Russian guy in Clearwater FLA who does guided tours for one or two clients at a time ...

(07-31-2015 03:04 PM)Gixxy Wrote:  

(07-31-2015 02:47 PM)MrXY Wrote:  That's what I was afraid of; that's what I call "suburban dad" style. It's not awful, but you can add a lot to your SMV by dressing better than the average.

Welcome to the forum.

Thanks for the styleforum tip. Great stuff! However, looking at some of that stuff, it is an absolute no-go in hotter climates. I wear a pilots' uniform. That outfit produces results. Last thing I want to get into after landing in Palm Springs/Houston/Dallas/Miami/ etc. is a suit and tie, or jeans, pants, etc. There's gotta be a middle ground somewhere? I absolutely want to improve in this area.

It should be noted, however, that I'm 6'5/245. I look my best at 227-235. That skinny jean thing will NOT fly on me. I do like linen quite a bit, though.

Believe me, I understand the climate issue-I live in Florida in a beach town.

I only wear a suit maybe 5-6 times a year. But I do have a nice collection of high end sportcoats in linen and cotton that are great in warm weather.

I'm a big believer in being comfortable while looking good. I have quite a few pairs of pants in very light cotton in bright colors. I favor light cotton and linen shirts. I only have one pair of blue jeans that I wear in cool weather; I'm not a big fan of blue blue jeans because they are so common. I wear light gray or white jeans in summer and dark gray or black jeans in winter.

Look at spring and summer style pics on the fashion blogs or just google image search an item of clothing you are considering , say "blue linen shirt" and this will give you ideas.

I would cut way back on the short wearing. I never wear shorts when I'm going out to approach and only on a date with a girl if I've banged her a lot previously. I don't know about where you live, but here the uniform for middle aged beer bellied fucks is a goatee, cargo shorts, and a t-shirt if they are working class or a polo if they are middle class. When they see you, you want women to think "Who is that guy?!"

Not discouraging you wearing your pilot's uniform by the way- if I had one I'd wear it all the time.

(08-01-2015 01:21 PM)MrXY Wrote:  I would cut way back on the short wearing. I never wear shorts when I'm going out to approach and only on a date with a girl if I've banged her a lot previously. I don't know about where you live, but here the uniform for middle aged beer bellied fucks is a goatee, cargo shorts, and a t-shirt if they are working class or a polo if they are middle class.

Bingo. That's what I'm getting at, exactly.

(08-02-2015 08:09 AM)SlickyBoy Wrote:  

(08-01-2015 01:21 PM)MrXY Wrote:  I would cut way back on the short wearing. I never wear shorts when I'm going out to approach and only on a date with a girl if I've banged her a lot previously. I don't know about where you live, but here the uniform for middle aged beer bellied fucks is a goatee, cargo shorts, and a t-shirt if they are working class or a polo if they are middle class.

Bingo. That's what I'm getting at, exactly.

I live in Florida and it gets hot as hell and humid. But I try to avoid these same dressing problems. I do wear shorts but only occasionally or when doing casual or athletic stuff. Never when going out or when eating out or visiting.

And when I do wear shorts it is really nice shorts not cargo shorts or kahkis, and nice leather shoes not dress shoes but good looking shoes. It can look good if you try put it together right. But better to stick with long pants or jeans most of the time. I want to be the man in the room where they are going "who is that guy?". He looks sharp. I want to stand out in a good way. Not too dressy but really well put together. Also I go easy on the facial hair. And make sure my hair is cut neat regularly.

"-On the age thing. I think we still need to be careful. I actually had to cut off communication with a few smoking hot 20 somethings just because I felt it would not work in the long run. I personally think that if you are out there playing and looking for lots of fun and maybe mini relationships, then go as young as you can down to 18, hell I have done it. But if you are pursuing a woman for a long term family type situation. Then I believe going too young is not realistic. Maybe 20 years at the most. My opinion."

In a developed country I can see your point.
But really the most guaranteed long term relationship is when she has your baby. I see that here with single mothers who are all uppity. The guy is still around in her kid.

Women never "mature" , I don't care if they leave-- there are thousands turning 18 here daily-- and men have enough more power here that she will generally toe the line when she has your kid.

I don't care if women stop liking me any more, because I realize they never like you to begin with, except as a source of utility, status or amusement.. I like THEM just fine. But I realize that it makes no sense to like them unless you also have power over them.

(08-04-2015 09:34 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  I don't care if women stop liking me any more, because I realize they never like you to begin with, except as a source of utility, status or amusement.. I like THEM just fine. But I realize that it makes no sense to like them unless you also have power over them.

I'll never forget that "a woman loves you like she loves a couch" quote.

Even for me though who is extremely gun shy to LTR's I think this is tough on women. Maybe time will change my mind.

(08-04-2015 09:34 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  "-On the age thing. I think we still need to be careful. I actually had to cut off communication with a few smoking hot 20 somethings just because I felt it would not work in the long run. I personally think that if you are out there playing and looking for lots of fun and maybe mini relationships, then go as young as you can down to 18, hell I have done it. But if you are pursuing a woman for a long term family type situation. Then I believe going too young is not realistic. Maybe 20 years at the most. My opinion."

In a developed country I can see your point.
But really the most guaranteed long term relationship is when she has your baby. I see that here with single mothers who are all uppity. The guy is still around in her kid.

Women never "mature" , I don't care if they leave-- there are thousands turning 18 here daily-- and men have enough more power here that she will generally toe the line when she has your kid.

I don't care if women stop liking me any more, because I realize they never like you to begin with, except as a source of utility, status or amusement.. I like THEM just fine. But I realize that it makes no sense to like them unless you also have power over them.

I do not see it as realistic. I am not saying it will not work. I am saying the chances are slim it will work. My brother actually married a chick from the Phillipines a few years back. She was 25 not super young, just ok looking, and he was 46 in very good shape very active and athletic.

They lasted 6 years. When she first got here she was as sweet and naive as they come. My brother is a pretty tough character. They both worked but he would go to bed at 9 pm and she would want to go out with her new found friends. You can guess how that ended. She got more distant. He is not rich just basic income comfortable. He eventually got tired of her increasing bullshit. What happened to the innocent little woman? Who knows. After about 6 years of marriage she was a different person. They were in different places in their lives. She was hanging out with her friends, he as not cool enough for a bunch of 20 to 30 year olds. Who knows.

But now he is doing a hell of a lot better. He ended up marrying a smoking hot, 38 YO latina at 53 and she is cool as hell. And sweet. She has a grown daughter so they don't have the children issue to contend with. It works much much better.

Like I said it may work. But I think you are rolling the dice with your life. But saying women never mature sounds a little simplistic. I have been in several long term relationships with women young and old, and I can tell you there is a huge difference between a 21 YO and a 30 YO woman. They want different things. Isn't that what the SMV curve is all about, and women changing from wanting to have fun and then wanting to settle down and have kids?

Agree with your point about having kids possibly keeping them around. But I am 53 and I am not looking forward to raising any other kids. It is a lot of work and can put a lot of stress on a relationship. Kids magnify the situation. If your situ is good it can make it better, if it is bad it certainly will make it worse. And I would not raise kids in a third world country. That would have its own challenges.

On the last note. Interesting saying your willing to live with a woman that does not like you. I have done that before and it aint pretty. If I think for a second that a woman does not like me. The last thing I am going to do is marry or LTR her. I would not even give her a key to my house. Sure we offer value and utility to them and they do to us. If this coincides then it can work. This is universal in life. People value you for what you can do for them. All of them that is the harsh truth.

I am looking at the second half of my life and I will try to get as young as I can but I am also very leery of trying to lock down some 22 YO hottie when I am 54 or 55. I may be able to do it, just because she does not even know what she wants yet. But whta are the chances of that lasting long term? I am not in the mood to do it all over again five years down the road at 60. I don't want to fight this battle forever.

(07-29-2015 06:52 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  Online game is the worst for older guys from my experience because they have an objective reason to DQ you. They search on age ranges too say 25-37 " A LITTLE over 35 is OK " she says as she fattens at 30...

I don't agree. Younger girls who like older guys don't care, and you can always list your age as 39. As others [incl me] have found 30 is the same as 40 to them. They just want you to be over 25-27 and have a job where you can buy them something non-pizza non-Mickey Ds.

Frankly, from talking to college girls the guys who do the worst online are the younger guys.

Plus online you can see if they're getting fat or not and screen them out. You should be the one screening them for age and looks, not the reverse. You probably will need a younger looking photo than your age.

I've also had to cutoff some girls who were getting serious, you don't want to hear that stuff from a 19-21 yr old. I'll treat you nice, I'll take you out, we'll have lots of fun, stay up late, party, etc. But once they start asking for more, for 'serious,' for 'exclusive' you need to be upfront and say that's not what you want. Most will back down or still sleep with you for a while.
I guess you can always try the exclusive thing for 3-6 months if you can't bag someone hotter, just be prepared for when she catches serious feelings for you, or you do for her.

A question for my older compatriots who are divorced and paying child support...

I got a text from my exwife today. She told me that I hadn't paid my share of the school tuition from last year. School starts in two weeks and she says that if I don't pay she will send the kids to public school this year. She brought up how it says in the Separation Decree I have to pay half of the tuition.

I told her months ago that I don't care what the decree says. She stole $200k from my retirement accounts; cost me over $100k in attorney's fees (which I am still paying); ran up $160k worth of CC debt while we were married (paid her cards off three times); ran up $30k on my credit card buying stuff for her affair partner, their business and travel for the two of them; is going to cost me $250k in child support by the time this is done, etc.

The truth is I don't have the money. I am paying the attorneys for another year and a half in spite of the remarkably shitty deal they got me. My own attorneys took me to court.

Her father has money. The business that I financed is doing very well and I have not seen a penny from it. I don't know if she is playing chicken with me or not. I have not responded yet.

I don't want to pull the girls out of the school. For being so young (seven and ten) they have had so much turmoil in their lives, e.g., death of their sister; mother walking out and more. The school and friends have been the one constant in their lives.

I'm just ranting I know, but I am sick and tired of getting fucked over by her and the family court system. If she takes me back to court the judge can hold me in contempt for non-payment. I just want to be rid of this fucking cunt, bottom feeding lawyers and the feminist cunt in a robe who sits on the bench in Cook County family court!

My older daughter is with me tonight. She keeps asking to go on the computer to look and see who her teacher is. I know she will ask to check tonight. Do I tell her what is going on? Tell her that unless daddy finds a way to come up with even more money that mommy is going to take her out of school and away from her friends?

I know I shouldn't say anything bad about the ex but I have bitten my tongue so many times I am amazed I haven't bitten it off yet!

I was out for a few beers two weeks ago with my now ex-step brother-in-law. He and I have always gotten along great. Kevin told me that no one knows anything about what happened in court or how the settlement played out because she has not said anything to anyone. I told Kevin much of what I typed above and would love to send it to her dad as well.

I copied her text to me and pasted it into a new message with two recipients: her and her dad. I am under no delusions that her dad will take my side but I would like to have her behaviour brought front and center for everyone to see.

Not that it will change anything....

Caractacus Potts,

Hang in there.

Sorry you are going through this.

Welcome to the forum Caractacus, I'm also divorced with kids just (no child support ). The state of IL like many others across the land don't give a damn about fathers.* Cue Jeffery Levin commercial*

At this point, it may not seem like it but you do have options. It sounds like you are an active dad, gainfully employed and you have cooperated to this point. All things that work in your favor, but since you have representation make them earn those outlandish retainers. By filing a modification on your behalf, you can possibly get your payments reduced to free up some much needed cash.

Especially if you come from the angle that a reduction would allow for your kids schooling, which it most certainly would. Most fathers are in shell shocked the entire time and don't realize they don't have to willingly bend over and just take their fucking. You do have rights but you have to do your due diligence and resist some of the bs they are trying to push upon you. Hopefully the court will see how stretched you are, and come to their senses. How can a man take care of his duties when you are cutting him off at the knees? Divorce is the real wealth redistribution.

Whatever you do, do not involve your kids. It's a no win predicament. Let them be kids in good conscience and avoid them feeling caught in the middle or worst yet having to choose sides.

Hope it works out for you

(08-13-2015 06:09 PM)Caractacus Potts Wrote:  A question for my older compatriots who are divorced and paying child support...

I got a text from my exwife today. She told me that I hadn't paid my share of the school tuition from last year. School starts in two weeks and she says that if I don't pay she will send the kids to public school this year. She brought up how it says in the Separation Decree I have to pay half of the tuition.

I told her months ago that I don't care what the decree says. She stole $200k from my retirement accounts; cost me over $100k in attorney's fees (which I am still paying); ran up $160k worth of CC debt while we were married (paid her cards off three times); ran up $30k on my credit card buying stuff for her affair partner, their business and travel for the two of them; is going to cost me $250k in child support by the time this is done, etc.

The truth is I don't have the money. I am paying the attorneys for another year and a half in spite of the remarkably shitty deal they got me. My own attorneys took me to court.

Her father has money. The business that I financed is doing very well and I have not seen a penny from it. I don't know if she is playing chicken with me or not. I have not responded yet.

I don't want to pull the girls out of the school. For being so young (seven and ten) they have had so much turmoil in their lives, e.g., death of their sister; mother walking out and more. The school and friends have been the one constant in their lives.

I'm just ranting I know, but I am sick and tired of getting fucked over by her and the family court system. If she takes me back to court the judge can hold me in contempt for non-payment. I just want to be rid of this fucking cunt, bottom feeding lawyers and the feminist cunt in a robe who sits on the bench in Cook County family court!

My older daughter is with me tonight. She keeps asking to go on the computer to look and see who her teacher is. I know she will ask to check tonight. Do I tell her what is going on? Tell her that unless daddy finds a way to come up with even more money that mommy is going to take her out of school and away from her friends?

I know I shouldn't say anything bad about the ex but I have bitten my tongue so many times I am amazed I haven't bitten it off yet!

I was out for a few beers two weeks ago with my now ex-step brother-in-law. He and I have always gotten along great. Kevin told me that no one knows anything about what happened in court or how the settlement played out because she has not said anything to anyone. I told Kevin much of what I typed above and would love to send it to her dad as well.

I copied her text to me and pasted it into a new message with two recipients: her and her dad. I am under no delusions that her dad will take my side but I would like to have her behaviour brought front and center for everyone to see.

Not that it will change anything....

I have many acquaintances i know who have ex wives that have put them through hell and could care less if you have the basics food shelter transportation etc as long as they can squeeze every last drop of blood and money out of you to take care of herself, her kids and her new leeching loser male bang unit all of whom are living off of YOU.

As you said her family has money and in the Obamanation she and the kids will not go without the basics.

You are sacrificing your retirement quality of life and current quality of life so your EX can shake you down for private schools tuition?

As you said you can not afford it as they are not leaving you with any money to live on

To be blunt - WTF - you are going into a deeper hole so your ex can brow beat you into sending your kids to private school?

These people could care less if you die because the ex and her new Boy Friend, her lawyers and your lawyers are trying to pick the flesh from your bones like the vultures they are - there is basically no way to avoid these people in the USA once they have your social security number and residence info - they can hunt you down and demand your salary be docked and legally attach a portion of your earnings via wage garnishment by court order. All USA based employers must comply with these divorce rape wage garnishment court orders.

So what is the solution - you will have to seriously consider extra legal options when your ex and the Legal-Vultures give you no other choice. - If you still have your passport and some cash you have to get out of the country - best way is to volunteer for a Christian Mission program or NGO for room and board and a stipend in a safe but not particularly extradition friendly country this will give you something to focus on other than your divorce and family court drama and let you have some breathing room... I know one guy was threatened with an open warrant because he lost his job and could not find another quickly and the damn courts were willing to issue a bench warrant that would have shown up on his credit record and killed his chances of getting a corporate job in the USA.

If you have multiple years on your passport you have to consider disappearing that means going to another country getting a new Identity (Legal name Change overseas) and building up a cash reserve in an off shore bank account under the new non USA identity - no contact with family or the kids or filing any IRS docs you have to evaporate.... Whitey Bulger disappeared for 16 years read up on it - only mistake he made was staying in the USA. But now he is a resident at Club Fed and never has to worry about anything again besides his exercise yard and meal times.

This is stark reality and really sux but it is either live in destitution or evaporate - that is how vicious Liberal Marxist Feminist SJW divorce rape and family courts have become.

I went to public schools and then Military STEM schools and life was not so bad... It never ceases to astound me just how ruthless a modern American wife and mother can be and how many think the world should revolve around them and their desires no matter how craven and self centered.

Caracticus you may need to double down. Your lawyers suck.

Great Post Deepdiver - I guess the obvious question is what about his kids? I am sure he will miss them and they will suffer.

My buddy was at a court this week to support a friend of his. He said the system is brutal, lots of dudes there trying to get time to spend with their kids or even get custody.

Dumb question, why do women turn so hostile in these situations? My buddy meets so many of these women online, pumps and dumps them. They are so deluded, they always claim they never loved their ex husbands blah blah. Yet they have several kids with the dude.

Caractacus Potts - the ex is laying a major guilt trip on your ass. If you don't have the money you don't have the money. Your kids are young now, private school will serve them better once they hit high school. I really cannot give you advice, I have never walked down the aisle. I wish you the best but I tend to agree with Deepdiver, might be time to leave dodge.

Caractacus Potts (CP),

Thanks for sharing your story. It should be required reading for a mens-studies course in college. Though never divorce-raped, I have been paying child support since day 1 with now 3 1/2 years left of a 21 yr sentence to go.

Will she really take you to court over the tuition? I ask because I wonder "How did it get paid last year, if you didn't pay?" I'm guessing she (or her Father) paid it. If that's so, I'm also guessing they will pay it this time around also.

We know the Family court system is designed to fuck over Fathers. That said, if you are really in tough financial shape your ex might not want to risk going back to court. If she does, and you show how poor you are (legal bills, alimony/support, etc) then she may run the risk of you getting a downward modification.

After all, she didn't threaten court, she threatened public schools.

I wouldn't say anything to your kids. I suggest you ignore her text and let her make the next move. If she changes schools, she will throw you under the bus for sure, but she probably does that everyday with them anyway.

When they finally ask you about it, you can calmly explain your side of it. Let them know you wish you could, but their Mother is already taking all of your available money and there is nothing left. Just enough for food/clothes/shelter and maybe taking them to the movies every once in a while.

Maybe explain to them you wish she would use all that money she takes from you every month and put some of it towards your education, but sadly you have no control over what she does with it

They might understand.

The number one key to getting through it all is to not engage her. Stop the dance. Every dance needs a partner, when one person stops.....the dance is over. Though they will keep upping the ante, trying to get you to dance again...eventually they give up and move on. Hopefully she re-marries and then there will be less attention on you.

Sounds like your kids are young and you've got a long haul ahead of you. Some people talk about jumping ship. You have to weigh the positives and negatives with that kind of decision. I've thought about it for sure and here's a thread I started some time ago about it. There were some interesting ideas in it. Again, I'm not saying you should do that, just trying to help with as much info as possible.

Going on the Lam

(08-13-2015 06:09 PM)Caractacus Potts Wrote:  A question for my older compatriots who are divorced and paying child support...

Sorry about that. You are facing some serious stress.

Firstly, you're ex - what a whore.

Second, unfortunately, if you don't have the money, you don't have the money.

You'll likely need to be honest with your daughters, after you've discussed this with your ex.

That's the unpleasant reality.

Be straightforward, honest and confident in your dealings with your children and they will respect you. Minimize your interactions with your ex to text, email and very public places, so she can't lie.