Post: #26

General observations of your girl having gay friend(s):

- They talk more and more about depraved things and situations which in their world are normal but in your girl's world these become fantasies or exotic adventures.
- More and more gossiping, this is like catnip for women and gays just add fuel to the fire, thus more drama and low level thoughts.
- The gay "friend" as they say, it's the best of both worlds, they talk to a man that allegedly has a girl's "mind"... biggest lie ever, this is their weapon to turn the girl against you so that they are the only "man".
- More "you go girl" attitude, giving her a lot of entitlement and feminism injection.

All above are time bombs about to explode in your relationship. Also fully cosign what Eugenics mentioned about them switching, those fuckers are sneaky bitches and would not think twice fucking any girl...read point one above about depraved things.

Post: #27

i was in the same boat as this. my 4 year LTR told me of out of he blue she went with her male work collegue every weekend to do yoga in the studio as im not a sports person myself. it means sadly the LTR is over.as soon as a girl mentions another guy end the thing... dont wait for her to bang another 3000 guys behind your back.that guy is not gay. he likes her

Post: #28

(11-05-2018 10:12 AM)kuqezi Wrote:  General observations of your girl having gay friend(s):

- They talk more and more about depraved things and situations which in their world are normal but in your girl's world these become fantasies or exotic adventures.
- More and more gossiping, this is like catnip for women and gays just add fuel to the fire, thus more drama and low level thoughts.
- The gay "friend" as they say, it's the best of both worlds, they talk to a man that allegedly has a girl's "mind"... biggest lie ever, this is their weapon to turn the girl against you so that they are the only "man".
- More "you go girl" attitude, giving her a lot of entitlement and feminism injection.

All above are time bombs about to explode in your relationship. Also fully cosign what Eugenics mentioned about them switching, those fuckers are sneaky bitches and would not think twice fucking any girl...read point one above about depraved things.

She did actually tell me that this gay guy was extremely promiscuous, how her best gf would offer her vagina to him by joking 'if you're still single at 40 how about it, I'd be available'. She claimed these offers were almost met with disgusted rejection, but I rather doubt it, obviously there is an undercurrent of sexual banter in these meetings.

I know for a fact the gay friend has tried to paint me in a black light repeatedly, though he has never met me.

(11-05-2018 10:17 AM)zamfir112 Wrote:  i was in the same boat as this. my 4 year LTR told me of out of he blue she went with her male work collegue every weekend to do yoga in the studio as im not a sports person myself. it means sadly the LTR is over.as soon as a girl mentions another guy end the thing... dont wait for her to bang another 3000 guys behind your back.that guy is not gay. he likes her

The problem is they both like each other. A lot. They used to go dinners, alone, and with her best gf. I hear stories of his gay behavior and have seen his ex bf, so I think he is gay, but I am not comfortable with the sexual undercurrent in this relationship they have.

Post: #29

Wayyyyy too much telling / talking and not enough showing / action. All this back and forth is attention via drama as proxy. Youre playing a woman's game

Youre trying to use reason and logic with a girl thats been conditioned by society to feel the way she does. You cant win that.

My suggestion would have been to tell her how you feel once and leave it at that. If she knows your stance and proceeds anyway then thats when you go dark and hold the line. Dont cave in and respond as soon as she sends the angry text. Thats when you know its working and your responding just deflates the effects. Make her come looking for you...and she will

Withholding your attention is the only currency you have to make her feel / understand your disapproval.

Post: #30

PT, thank you, as always excellent advice. So if she reaches out with an angry text just ignore. If she reaches out with compliant text I will re-engage.

Post: #31

(11-05-2018 09:51 AM)Jefferson Wrote:  Should I have played this differently? To be honest I am more than disappointed that a 3 year rel would go down the drain because of something like this.

Under the circumstances, I think this is the best you could have done. Ideally, you would have done it like PapayaTapper suggested because with all the back and forth she thinks she can push you around on the subject. But that is water under the bridge now.

The point is that you know this other person is not good for your relationship and will add unnecessary stress to it. You are trying to build a stronger and more serious relationship with this girl and she is instead trying to expand her circle of friends. So you have competing objectives for the future of the relationship.

I think you have to stick to your guns and continue going dark and hope she comes back in a week or two with her choosing to agree with your objective for the future of the relationship. However, even if she does call back and agrees to change here, and I hate to say this, I would fear that she is not really committed to building a stronger relationship with you. I would predict she will try testing you again at some point.

Post: #32

Yes, PT made an excellent point, I did write too much. I will take that on board. Much better to make concise points and disappear.

To be honest sometimes I think she's reading some red-pill blog or something, she often uses dread and take away, maybe just a natural.

The annoying thing before this we were going good, more or less, we were going to meet in ten days for five months, but then this happened.

It's not so much expanding but about retaining her circle of friends.

I do seriously doubt her commitment if she refuses to cut out the gay friend, and I think that will be a dealbreaker. Not because of what influence the gay friend may have, but purely due to the fact that she would choose him over placating me.

Post: #33

You said she's 29...how old are you?

Here's the thing. Only you can decide how "big" the issue regarding the gay friend really is. There's a line between drawing a line in the sand on principle and "cutting your nose off to spite your face".

Is her occasional association with the fag worth blowing up your relationship? I dont know...only you do. Im not suggesting you compromise your principles...only that you keep a proper perspective. This doesn't seem like an apocalyptic breach of trust and respect on her part....to me.

Example: If she banged another dude? ...done...automatic status changed "rear view mirror mode". THAT would be a major right?

Again not up to me...maybe it is to you. But this rather seems like a relatively small peccadillo that you let get big because of ego and engaging her.

I would have ignored her comments re what the fag said because

1) I cant possibly care less what a fag thinks about me.
2) He /it cant control my relationship if I have a proper handle
3) I know its a dread ploy / shit test on her part. Ignoring that shit is effective 90% of the time

This is all academic now on this issue of course. The problem is you cant back down now without a major transfer of frame / power to her. You have to hold the line or she will lose respect albeit subconsciously.

Id go hard radio silence and make her come find you. Once she does...and she most certainly will if you maintain the discipline, you will have regained some of the power you've likely but unknowingly ceded to her over the course of the relationship.


PS. Does being on Face Book create a net positive for anyone,... ever?

Post: #34

Flip the Script with your own hard dead stop Dread/Takeaway...

Sample Texts:
Bishy - (The FOMO Build up) I was starting to feel deep feelings for you and began to envision us together with the White Picket Fence American Dream potentially as husband and wife.

(The Dread) However, you have decided to bring elements into the relationship that for me are a hard stop Deal Breaker.

You know that in my world actions are always greater than words and I will know your answer by your actions.

(The Takeaway) Your actions will determine when, if and how I decide to move on to find someone who actually values me as a life partner.

NOTE: Anything less than this and you will be able to drone on through life with the certain knowledge that she has her little fist way up into your mangina and dragging whats left of your ballz around to serve her every whim until the time comes you are no longer a useful provider FinDom servant while she finds new thrilling demented deviant evil GBF D that will fulfill her Phocked Up fantasies.

We are not here to Judge you or her but to advise - just saying.

Post: #35

You can come up with rules in your head all you want, but let’s look at this.

The guy is her best friend or one of, has been a part of her life forever, has helped her out when she had problems, etc...

Even if he was harming her she’d have trouble getting away, let alone when in her mind all he did was just say a few words about you without having met you.

Do any of you see any scenario where a girl would cut it off with her lifelong close friend over this and NOT lash out in another area passive aggressively even worse for the relationship? Unless you have massive value gap (ie found a girl from a 3rd world village and are basically changing her life)
The advice is by members I respect a lot but frankly it’s not good advice because there is no plausible scenario where she says “ok yes” and then everything works out. So basically it’s a lose lose situation you put yourself in.

Would you ever cut it off with a lifelong friend just because he said bad words to ur face about a gf he hasn’t met? I wouldn’t. That’s like half the convos me and my friends had.

You can have all the alpha rules in your head that you want but real life is much greyer. If you want the man gone you’d have to engage in long term manipulation to make it happen in a clean way. Something like what deepdiver got into in his last post but over more time and effort

Post: #36

@Deepdiver

I like your text.

The situation currently is that we ended our communication yesterday with me basically saying 'you're loyal to your GF, have a nice life', and her saying 'thanks for everything but you can't control my life, take care'.

So it would be okay to send this text now I take it, I would not need to wait until she reaches out again?

Post: #37

(11-05-2018 03:29 PM)Beirut Wrote:  You can come up with rules in your head all you want, but let’s look at this.

The guy is her best friend or one of, has been a part of her life forever, has helped her out when she had problems, etc...

Even if he was harming her she’d have trouble getting away, let alone when in her mind all he did was just say a few words about you without having met you.

Do any of you see any scenario where a girl would cut it off with her lifelong close friend over this and NOT lash out in another area passive aggressively even worse for the relationship? Unless you have massive value gap (ie found a girl from a 3rd world village and are basically changing her life)
The advice is by members I respect a lot but frankly it’s not good advice because there is no plausible scenario where she says “ok yes” and then everything works out. So basically it’s a lose lose situation you put yourself in.

Would you ever cut it off with a lifelong friend just because he said bad words to ur face about a gf he hasn’t met? I wouldn’t. That’s like half the convos me and my friends had.

You can have all the alpha rules in your head that you want but real life is much greyer. If you want the man gone you’d have to engage in long term manipulation to make it happen in a clean way. Something like what deepdiver got into in his last post but over more time and effort

I am actually concerned about this, ie backlash if she does comply. We've had something similar previously, where she had like 30 guys, again some gays and old high school guys who she admitted had a crush on her. I made her delete all of them off her facebook. It was again huge drama, no contact, but she eventually complied, but with a certain aggressiveness thrown in. We went past it, and actually it seemed like she developed more respect for me after the fact, but certainly there was a substantial backlash.

Post: #38

(11-05-2018 03:32 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  @Deepdiver

I like your text.

The situation currently is that we ended our communication yesterday with me basically saying 'you're loyal to your GF, have a nice life', and her saying 'thanks for everything but you can't control my life, take care'.

So it would be okay to send this text now I take it, I would not need to wait until she reaches out again?

Youre both invested in the relationship so youre both in dread (fear of loss) right now.

You've backed yourself into this corner with the ultimatum and "have a nice life" but you need to stick it out.

Youre in a staring contest now. Whoever blinks first loses

Hold the line and she will blink (reach out) first

Then send the text

Post: #39

(11-05-2018 03:18 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  You said she's 29...how old are you?

Here's the thing. Only you can decide how "big" the issue regarding the gay friend really is. There's a line between drawing a line in the sand on principle and "cutting your nose off to spite your face".

Is her occasional association with the fag worth blowing up your relationship? I dont know...only you do. Im not suggesting you compromise your principles...only that you keep a proper perspective. This doesn't seem like an apocalyptic breach of trust and respect on her part....to me.

Example: If she banged another dude? ...done...automatic status changed "rear view mirror mode". THAT would be a major right?

Again not up to me...maybe it is to you. But this rather seems like a relatively small peccadillo that you let get big because of ego and engaging her.

I would have ignored her comments re what the fag said because

1) I cant possibly care less what a fag thinks about me.
2) He /it cant control my relationship if I have a proper handle
3) I know its a dread ploy / shit test on her part. Ignoring that shit is effective 90% of the time

This is all academic now on this issue of course. The problem is you cant back down now without a major transfer of frame / power to her. You have to hold the line or she will lose respect albeit subconsciously.

Id go hard radio silence and make her come find you. Once she does...and she most certainly will if you maintain the discipline, you will have regained some of the power you've likely but unknowingly ceded to her over the course of the relationship.


PS. Does being on Face Book create a net positive for anyone,... ever?

PT, as I was thinking things over I actually came to a conclusion on similar lines, whether it was really worth to cut out the GF. I actually felt fairly secure in my position and did not think anything the GF says would really end the rel. I think I just have a personal dislike against the guy because I am aware of a great chemistry he has with my girl, and he's a guy after all, and from what she told me, albeit in relation to her gf, that chemistry has sexual undertones. I'm 47 btw.

I actually did NOT want to make this an issue. However, I honestly told her I did not like it, and when she then blew up over it , we had a fight about him, and as I saw her clinging to the GF THAT made me concerned. My thinking was that if she chooses to hang on to her GF rather than to me, effectively she minds losing me LESS than losing the GF. And THAT would be the dealbreaker. Not the threat GF might or might not pose. My theory is that if a woman is in love she would betray her own father, mother and children to be with a man. That is not the vibe I am getting right now. I think she may well hold on to her GF. But I think she will be in touch again.

I hear you on the staring contest. So you would not have escalated to the ultimatum? How would you have handled it?

Post: #40

How old are you OP?

Post: #41

I'm 47, PT.

Post: #42

(11-05-2018 03:54 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I'm 47, PT.

Ok I see

Has she been married before or have kids?

I ask because at 29 her fear vs desire "matrix" is different than a girl who's <25. Kids are another variable

Post: #43

No, no previous marriage and no kids. She did have a serious rel with a guy, for three years, she cheated on him with another guy, seeing both at the same time, until one ended it. Then with that second guy she claims she ended it then, but I suspect it was him because she is a very difficult person (some sort of BPD or Narcicisstic PD). She then had a couple of nights with a guy for fun, and then met me. She had sex with another guy after meeting me but then claims she was faithful to me for the last two and a half years. She only told me all this recently and swears it is the full truth.

She's a difficult person, very headstrong but ultimately with a soft core, but strong will, beautiful slim legs, perky breasts, full lips and big eyes, let me just say the juice is worth all the pain so far (course everything has limits, her choosing a GF over me would be such a limit). Despite her being 29 she believes her SMV is extremely high, due to being very slim and having a beautiful face and magnetic personality.

She said she does not want to have kids, after first telling me she did.

Post: #44

Ok

What do you want to happen?

By the way are you familiar with HPDs ?

Post: #45

I would like her to cut out the GF and say she chooses me.

We were actually scheduled to end up meeting in ten days for five to six months, but this would now be delayed for around two months, which she doesn't know yet, due to work reasons.

We have been living together for a year, on off, ie her coming to visit me around the world, during the last three years.

I was hoping to end this nomadic existence and settle down with her. But her histrionic behaviour, anger issues, and allround difficult behaviour have me cautious. Plus I am aware she is about to hit the wall. Nevertheless, I really like her and was going to take the risk of living together for an extended period. But she seems to have respect issues, generally, with everyone, not just with me, she's quick to use insulting language and fly off the handle. Her bouts of anger last two days at the least.

I actually came across your HPD thread and had to nod in agreement with it a lot. I'd never seen that before. I know she has anxiety issues at times, she had the odd bout of mild depression before and even something called sleep paralysis which completely freaked me out.

I know most people would shake their heads and say why even bother. However, of all the women I've met she is by far the most entertaining, sweet, loving, and also very kind on occasion. And pretty creative and eager in bed. Great cook, and laundry magician. So all in all, again, the juice seems worth it to me.

We were both considering LTR, she was pushing for marriage at one point and I think she is keen on that. I really like her, but am apprehensive because of the behavioural issues and that she displays very little respect towards me, which I am not used to. It's fascinating and annoying at the same time.

I guess what I would like is to have an LTR with her, where the respect level increases, the drama decreases and we are both comfortable.

Post: #46

(11-03-2018 04:11 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  Gay dudes are nothing but trouble. I used to have some gay friends and they were all degenerate social leaches. A lot of them were switch hitters as well, each gay friend I've ever had talked about disarming women with their gayness and then partying with the girls getting drunk and fucking them. You may be surprised how often that works, a lot of those dudes were getting laid by more women than I was at the time.

This is the only way I get to seal the deal with women.... its not a easy trade off.... sucking dick all the time in seedy gay club bathroom stalls. But every once in a while I lure some unsuspecting gal into letting her guard down around me long enough to give me that sweet sweet vagene and all that crusty cum in my beard seems worth it.

(11-03-2018 04:11 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  29 is too old anyway.

11 years past her prime

Post: #47

I was told by an ex that sometimes girls keep gay dudes as friends as potential sperm donors if they can’t find a straight dude willing to wife them up.

Recently I was told by a female friend that two of her “married” lesbian friends used a male friend to get pregnant. He didn’t even get to do the honors. They literally used a turkey baster.

What a time we live in. Progress!!

Post: #48

(11-05-2018 03:32 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  @Deepdiver

I like your text.

The situation currently is that we ended our communication yesterday with me basically saying 'you're loyal to your GF, have a nice life', and her saying 'thanks for everything but you can't control my life, take care'.

So it would be okay to send this text now I take it, I would not need to wait until she reaches out again?

J Dawg - Answer: No go radio SILENT - she is still practicing hard frame control ("You can not control my life!" bull shite) meaning she is completely disrespecting you - if the woman is controlling frame the relationship is OVER because she was never a proper respectful GF and definitely NOT wife material - period. She has now demoted herself to just a random spinning plate to use as a cum dumpster for periodic sex with the ex.

In strongest terms possible it is time to move on to newer more friendlier younger higher SMVs - I have a couple Paul Janka PDFs that helped me get my mind off an old plate and back in the game so to speak - PM me a gmail adx and I will forward same to you.

Post: #49

Okay, she just blinked.

But I think it's a bluff. She had bought some combs as a present for me when she was going to come.

She texted that she sent them to me by post in case I get a text from customs and 'All the best'. She pulled a similar stunt before in a similar situation, claiming that someone was going to pick up her suitcases at my place. It was a total bluff.

Obviously the aim of this is to reinforce the dread in terms of trying to imply things are so over that she's sending the combs by post rather than bringing them.

Do I respond at all? With a text saying something along the lines of deepdiver's text above?

Or I could reply "I will throw them right in the trash, I don't want your combs. You should cancel it and give them to John, the most important man in your life".

Maybe too butthurt. Alternatively

"I don't want the combs, I want you. I saw myself potentially being married to you. But you have insisted in placing another man in your life, something that is not acceptable. You know I am a man of action, and my actions will follow my word. It is your actions that will determine if I have to go out and find someone to whom I am the most important man in her life."

Post: #50

(11-05-2018 06:05 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  Okay, she just blinked.

But I think it's a bluff. She had bought some combs as a present for me when she was going to come.

She texted that she sent them to me by post in case I get a text from customs and 'All the best'. She pulled a similar stunt before in a similar situation, claiming that someone was going to pick up her suitcases at my place. It was a total bluff.

Obviously the aim of this is to reinforce the dread in terms of trying to imply things are so over that she's sending the combs by post rather than bringing them.

Do I respond at all? With a text saying something along the lines of deepdiver's text above?

Or I could reply "I will throw them right in the trash, I don't want your combs. You should cancel it and give them to John, the most important man in your life".

Maybe too butthurt. Alternatively

"I don't want the combs, I want you. I saw myself potentially being married to you. But you have insisted in placing another man in your life, something that is not acceptable. You know I am a man of action, and my actions will follow my word. It is your actions that will determine if I have to go out and find someone to whom I am the most important man in her life."

I will be curious to see what others have to say on this.

If it were me, I would not do anything for at least a couple of days. It seems like she is trying to bait you into talking but you have already made clear your thoughts.

After a couple of days, I would do nothing or might respond with something short and sweet. It would be closer to what you have in your second response and I would avoid the first response altogether. I would just say it with less words to give it more power. Maybe something like:

You know how I feel. I want you and I need you and could have seen myself marrying you one day. Your actions will tell me how you really feel about me.