Post: #1

Like the title states, I'm completely clueless. There's just SO many things that I have very little experience with and SO much hangups and fears I have that I don't know where to begin. All I know is that I'm just tired of being content with the fact that every girl I look at probably isn't interested in me and even if she is I wouldn't approach her anyways.

So, um where do I even begin? Or what questions would you all like me to answer?

Post: #2

Read Bang and Day Bang; keep hanging out at the forum here and read older game threads too.

Everybody's gotta start somewhere--you being here is a great start.

Post: #3

Working out, taking zinc, and upping your style will help too.

Post: #4

Shut your mouth for 12+ months, get a wordpress account and follow every manosphere blog you find. Follow the hate filled MRAs, the Christian puritans, their wives, RSD PUAs, militant atheists, the works.

Read for at least two hours a day and in that 12 months reform your worldview.

In 12 months you will have a grounding in many things - philosophy and knowledge, physical health and style, spirituality and transcendental truth, the male and female mind etc.

And the kicker is all you'll know is what there is to know but your solidifying worldview will give you the confidence you need to continue.

Post: #5

You can refer to this other thread about what new comers should do: /thread-49354.html

Post: #6

Theory is okay,but ultimately you need to go out and practice, make mistakes, personally experience what works for you and what doesn't. It's something Roosh has said, that you could read every dating book out there and it won't get you anywhere unless you practice.
In two words, approach women.

Post: #7

1. Read Bang and Day Bang
2. Maximize your looks (new haircut, new clothes, start hitting the gym)
3. Go somewhere where it is easier to get laid (e.g. Philippines, Thailand, Dominican Republic) and start making experiences with girls.
4. Go back to the US and keep working on self improvement and your game.

Post: #8

(10-01-2015 11:34 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  So, um where do I even begin? Or what questions would you all like me to answer?

Age, physique, fitness level, education, education plans, career plans, career position, financial situation, living situation, past experience, size of town, ethnic background, usage of porn, how you spend your free time, consumption of drugs, typical dress style, describe your friends, describe your understanding of how dating works, describe your goals, describe your dependence or independence on others, your preferences, your hangups.

Post: #9

I'm a guy with a decent body type.

I'm in college. Don't really have clear career plans and I'm only studying at the moment so no job.

I'm able to buy food and pay for basic necessities, but I keep a right leash on the funds l have. I live with my parents.

Don't know what you're asking me to talk about in regards to past experience. Living in a central town with pop of about 400k.

Generally spend free time watching tv shows, listening to music, and chatting online. I don't use drugs or drink and I usually dress with a whatever I see in the closet first style.

Friends are mixed. One is generally quite outgoing and a party type, but all my others are more low key spend the night playing games types.

My understanding of dating is that it's initially a way to feel out if a person's interesting enough to continue dating and then after you've decided you like them, it's just a way to strengthen the relationship.

Goals:
- to learn to get out my head more.
- to be more confident
-Not be afraid to approach
-Not be afraid to clearly tell a girl I like her
-Not be afraid to ask for numbers
-Not to put so much stock in one person that I like



Not really dependent on others, but also not very good with decision making. Not very picky.

Hangups
-Zero confidence with women
-Extremely awkward
-Not able to talk to women without acting super happy and excited and in turn coming off super fake and weird
-fear of silence during conversations
-fear of judgment
- heavy anxiety

Post: #10

Be careful to not get caught in inaction my friend. In order to remove the Hangups in your Game you have to conquer your fear of Approaching. Read some Game by Roosh or Juggler or Mystery and go for it. It is a process but once you start approaching the you'll set increasing goals for yourself and go from there. I remember when I started I was happy to approach, then I went for hugs , then for # and after that for insta date. Enjoy the process in the beginning while you're learning how to Game my friend. As you get better and older, you wish you could have as much fun as you had for the little things such as a # and a hug.

Post: #11

Yeah sounds like you mostly need to "put in the social work". All your hangups and goals are due to lack of experience.

You need to commit to a certain amount of "social work" per day. This can include smiling and saying hello to people, starting conversations with people about things, joining clubs or classes and taking part in new activities, making occasional approaches, trying to get invited to new parties etc.

I'd also recommend the following activity: go into a bar by yourself, stand at the bar, and buy a beer. Then just stand or sit there with your beer, by yourself. After say half an hour, you can leave. If anyone talks to you, talk back. If anyone asks why you're there drinking by yourself, shrug and say "just chillin". The first time you do it, it will be nerve-wracking. You'll think everyone is looking at you and thinks you're weird. Eventually it becomes just as comfortable as sitting in your own living room.

You need to be willing to accept that the payoff of all of these things will be more in the future than in the present. It's like investing. You also need to accept the discomfort of doing these things, in the same way you'd accept the discomfort of work to earn money.

Do as much "social work" per week as you are able to do, and patiently await your future results. They will come.

Aside from that, research style and buy new clothes. Also get in the gym, and get a job as soon as you are able.

Post: #12

Just a report back. I managed to read bang and today I finally got around to doing what phoenix suggested and I went to a bar alone.

I feel like I may have cheated because I went to the bar around 8 when there weren't as many people there. I didn't feel super nervous about being there, but opening people in my vicinity made me really nervous so I just stayed quiet and drank a pop while staring at a game on the tv until my thirty minutes were up and then I left.

I don't have much else to report.

Post: #13

Step 1: Lift weights
Step 2: Read game
Step 3: Apply game
Step 4: Bang biddies
Step 5: Post results in RVF

Post: #14

(10-17-2015 12:17 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  Just a report back. I managed to read bang and today I finally got around to doing what phoenix suggested and I went to a bar alone.

I feel like I may have cheated because I went to the bar around 8 when there weren't as many people there. I didn't feel super nervous about being there, but opening people in my vicinity made me really nervous so I just stayed quiet and drank a pop while staring at a game on the tv until my thirty minutes were up and then I left.

I don't have much else to report.

Good. You can see how when you do these things, you learn about your current strengths and weaknesses, which indicates the next steps and so on.

Next steps would be: going to the bar at a busier time and doing the same thing, then going to the bar again and chinking glasses with or saying "hey how's it going" to at least 3 people.

It is possible to make the goal "say hi to 1 person" because it's smaller, but the problem with that is it doesn't give you enough samples. If you're unlucky enough to say hi to a prick, your experience for the night will be "when I open people they respond negatively to me", which will set you back. Opening 3 people minimum averages this out, and also shows you that everyone is different (so you feel less self-conscious and understand that most of people's response is due to themselves rather than you).

Post: #15

I want to try to go out to a bar alone again, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just really afraid to do it now.

Like tonight. I drove to a bar and sat around in the parking lot ten minutes, but I couldn't get out my car and go in.

What can I do??

Post: #16

Here are some quotes that I feel may help you.

If you don't take a step forward you will remain in the same place.

The greatest obstacles to success is fear.
It's about the journey, not about the goal.

Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same.

If we stopped trying things just because we thought they were impossible. Then we would have never achieved anything.

If you don't make mistakes, then there is no room for improvement.

Post: #17

^ Quotes never helped any one with anything. They're just there for people to knod at, and then do nothing.

"Like tonight. I drove to a bar and sat around in the parking lot ten minutes, but I couldn't get out my car and go in.
What can I do??"

Repeat the original then. If the problem is being afraid of more people because of the time you arrive, just step that time up by half an hour each time. You already have a benchmark where you're not nervous (being in a quiet bar and not starting conversations with anyone), and you have a benchmark where you're too nervous. Therefore the "nervous but not too much" is somewhere in between. Ramp up to that point, and stay there until the nerves fade, and then ramp up again, repeat. There's nothing "wrong" with you, you just need to be patient and persistent. Especially persistent.

Post: #18

(10-24-2015 12:06 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  What can I do??

Yell at the top of your lungs in the car or pump music.

Go approach. It's going to get weird, but you will learn to accept it.

Post: #19

(10-24-2015 12:06 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  I want to try to go out to a bar alone again, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just really afraid to do it now.

Like tonight. I drove to a bar and sat around in the parking lot ten minutes, but I couldn't get out my car and go in.

What can I do??

I think there's nothing inherently wrong with this.

A buddy of mine had a system of forcing himself to work out: his goal was to make it to the gym 4 times a week. Not actually working out. But just making it to the gym. Sometimes, he would show up, change to his workout clothes, and peace the fuck out. Doesn't matter. Still went to the gym. Goal met. 98% of the time he actually worked out.

Baby steps man. Like Phoenix said, talk to three people at a bar. But first you need to be at a bar. Make it a habit to, once a week, put on a nice shirt and drive to the bar. Sometimes you will sit there for 10 minutes, say fuck it, and leave. I guarantee you, more often than not, you will end up going inside. Then, once you're inside, go talk to people.

It seems like too little, but not all people are built to learn to swim by jumping into an ocean. If you're a long term goal oriented and patient person, this might be a better way.

Post: #20

(10-24-2015 02:20 AM)Hygiene Wrote:  

(10-24-2015 12:06 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  What can I do??

Yell at the top of your lungs in the car or pump music.

Go approach. It's going to get weird, but you will learn to accept it.

Seconded. I do this often if I'm heading out for a first date or to approach girls. Blast some heavy metal (or whatever energetic stuff you like) and sing along loudly. It helps get the anxiety out of the system and gets you in a pumped up state

Post: #21

(10-02-2015 03:45 AM)Sooth Wrote:  Shut your mouth for 12+ months, get a wordpress account and follow every manosphere blog you find. Follow the hate filled MRAs, the Christian puritans, their wives, RSD PUAs, militant atheists, the works.

Read for at least two hours a day and in that 12 months reform your worldview.

In 12 months you will have a grounding in many things - philosophy and knowledge, physical health and style, spirituality and transcendental truth, the male and female mind etc.

And the kicker is all you'll know is what there is to know but your solidifying worldview will give you the confidence you need to continue.

That sounds like "monk mode". I can't get behind this advice. You're just going to fill you head with a bunch of thoughts and you need to get out of your head.

Sounds like going to a bar makes you nervous. I bet it's because you're not going to a bar, you're going to a bar to meet chicks. Try just going out to a bar.

Try going to a mall. Start a conversation with everyone. Do the elderly chat with everyone. I'll bet that you're nervous because you're not trying to talk to people, you're trying to talk to chicks who you want to fuck. So don't be so goal driven. When you go to the store, or to the mall, make a point of talking to the cashier, and more then the empty "hey, how are you?". If you're going to ask that question, then act like you actually want to hear the answer.

It also sounds like you're just drifting through life. You "Don't really have clear career plans", "dress with a whatever I see in the closet first style", "Not very picky" - get some damn direction man. You're the whatever dude. Not very exceptional. Not anyone anybody notices. You don't have any opinions worth hearing.

Your overall goals with women are fine, but none of that means anything unless you meet some women, right? You've self identified your problems with women, so that's good. You know that you're not happy with yourself. So what are you going to do, use your shortcomings as an excuse?

I'm going to say this: I think you listed your problems in reverse order.

Zero confidence with women - because you've never had success. You never had success because you're...
-Extremely awkward - and
-Not able to talk to women without acting super happy and excited and in turn coming off super fake and weird - which is probably because you feel the need to talk all the time, because you have a ...
-fear of silence during conversations - and that's a problem but worse you have a...
-fear of judgment - and you probably fear judgement because of your...
- heavy anxiety

And right now your anxiety is what's blocking you. So back to the beginning: work on the anxiety.

Oh, and on conversation, my favorite post on the subject: /thread-36676...#pid744629

Post: #22

Just another minor update.

I went to a meetup where there were a lot of foreigners because I wanted to practice my language and communication skills. All people here were likely in their late 30s to early 40s and some were way older.

I first chatted in Portuguese for a little with a Brazilian woman that was volunteering at the show and then she introduced me to another woman that was from the same place she was and I chatted with this woman a little longer. I think these interactions went well.

Next, I approached a group of about 4 or 5 women, but I only spoke English. I opened by asking if they were all from Brazil. It turned out they were from a mixure of mexico, peru, or Colombia. One of the women tried to tell me she was from Bogota, but I struggled to understand her and I think this came off bad to the rest of the group. I then tried to speak more with them but they seemed to be on the defensive, so I exited

Afterwards, I chatted with a guy from Peru for a little bit and then I moved to a guy from Venezuela but he didn't seem very friendly, so I cut the convo short.

The rest of the time I tried to just speak to everyone else I saw.It went decent with the guys, but it wasn't really working out with the women. I mainly asked where they're from and why they decided to live in my city, but I could tell when I started speaking they wanted to eject as soon as possible.

I tried not to let off a creeper vibe, but I suppose I still was. I only wanted to talk with the women here for the sole purpose of conversation, but I suppose there's still something I was doing wrong.

Post: #23

(11-05-2015 11:43 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  Just another minor update.

I went to a meetup where there were a lot of foreigners because I wanted to practice my language and communication skills. All people here were likely in their late 30s to early 40s and some were way older.

I first chatted in Portuguese for a little with a Brazilian woman that was volunteering at the show and then she introduced me to another woman that was from the same place she was and I chatted with this woman a little longer. I think these interactions went well.

Next, I approached a group of about 4 or 5 women, but I only spoke English. I opened by asking if they were all from Brazil. It turned out they were from a mixure of mexico, peru, or Colombia. One of the women tried to tell me she was from Bogota, but I struggled to understand her and I think this came off bad to the rest of the group. I then tried to speak more with them but they seemed to be on the defensive, so I exited

Afterwards, I chatted with a guy from Peru for a little bit and then I moved to a guy from Venezuela but he didn't seem very friendly, so I cut the convo short.

The rest of the time I tried to just speak to everyone else I saw.It went decent with the guys, but it wasn't really working out with the women. I mainly asked where they're from and why they decided to live in my city, but I could tell when I started speaking they wanted to eject as soon as possible.

I tried not to let off a creeper vibe, but I suppose I still was. I only wanted to talk with the women here for the sole purpose of conversation, but I suppose there's still something I was doing wrong.

It sounds to me like you might be "projecting" a bit when you interact with people. In other words you're approaching interactions with people with the expectation/preconception that they will inevitably think you're a "creeper" (your word). I'm sensing that your subconscious expectation is leaking into your interactions...would you agree with that?

Post: #24

(11-05-2015 11:43 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  Just another minor update.

I went to a meetup where there were a lot of foreigners because I wanted to practice my language and communication skills. All people here were likely in their late 30s to early 40s and some were way older.

I first chatted in Portuguese for a little with a Brazilian woman that was volunteering at the show and then she introduced me to another woman that was from the same place she was and I chatted with this woman a little longer. I think these interactions went well.

Next, I approached a group of about 4 or 5 women, but I only spoke English. I opened by asking if they were all from Brazil. It turned out they were from a mixure of mexico, peru, or Colombia. One of the women tried to tell me she was from Bogota, but I struggled to understand her and I think this came off bad to the rest of the group. I then tried to speak more with them but they seemed to be on the defensive, so I exited

Afterwards, I chatted with a guy from Peru for a little bit and then I moved to a guy from Venezuela but he didn't seem very friendly, so I cut the convo short.

The rest of the time I tried to just speak to everyone else I saw.It went decent with the guys, but it wasn't really working out with the women. I mainly asked where they're from and why they decided to live in my city, but I could tell when I started speaking they wanted to eject as soon as possible.

I tried not to let off a creeper vibe, but I suppose I still was. I only wanted to talk with the women here for the sole purpose of conversation, but I suppose there's still something I was doing wrong.

Just checked back at this thread. Good to see that OP is continuing his work.

On the last point, take note of your body language. Them responding like that very early into the conversation suggests that could be the cause in that example. Make sure your posture is upright and you are smiling sufficiently.

Something else that helps with this is to observe other men who are getting positive receptions, and to note what they are doing differently to you.

Post: #25

OP,
Apart from asking them where they are from and what they do, you'll have to add a bit of fun into the conversation. Brazilians tend to be friendly people, you could have met some bitchy brazilians, but I'll assume the problem was you.

Most conversations will work by asking/teasing about food, weather, why they came to live in a place that's cold and snowy during winter. If you don't have an idea what to talk about, ask: voce gosta de futebol? (most brazilian women like it) And ask them what club they like. Get them to start talking about the Brazilian food they miss (possibly use that as an entry to meet up) etc etc.

Most important: You're there to have a good time!!!!!

It seems like you don't feel comfortable, and these women pick up on that. In a way you're still training to become the interesting version of yourself (interesting to women).

flirty example you could use once women aren't responding negative.
you: where from Brazil are you?
her: I'm from Natal.
you: wow, I should be careful with you, .......... (short pause that makes her wonder why) Nordestinas are dangerously seductive (smile/wink)

Now this is a flirty example that works well when people are relaxed and having a drink. Obviously you don't wanna use the same example to multiple people at the venue you described.