(07-02-2015 02:08 PM)swuglyfe Wrote:  Super annoying girl on Tinder. Matched and started convo Sunday evening.

IHer: Maybe
Me: Ever been to x
Her: In x town
Me: Yea
Her: Anywhere closer to y
Me: z? (in between but still closer to me)
Her: Perhaps
Me: That's your buzzword isn't it (I'm tired of her worming around like this)
Her: I would say perhaps but you figured out my system! Haha

WTF game is she playing? Is this pure attention whoring?

Whatever happened with this? Looks like one of three things to me.

1. Attention whoring
2. Someone trolling (seems most likely from convo)
3. Girl who legitimately is playing hard to get and likes a dominant push back.

The first two are throwaways so you really only need to think about how you would respond to the third scenario. I would go something dominant and sexualize it, something higher risk than what youre doing because what youre doing clearing isn't working.

I would go with something about how she needs discipline or tell her "perhaps" and "maybe" are banned words etc / you'll punish her if she uses them.

I've had decent success with this in the past when girls were giving me this same shit. It's a little hard to recognize because at first you thinks its typical flakey girl talk, but its actually more antagonistic than that.

(07-09-2015 09:52 AM)blackaldr Wrote:  

(07-09-2015 04:18 AM)STriple-R Wrote:  Recieved a text a few hours ago she had fun but I was her first and last Tinderdate and she does't feel like meeting up again.

If she said she does not feel like meeting up again you should NEXT her. Delete her number and stop trying to convince her to meet you. It won't happen.

Yeah that's what I was thinking. Some part in me tells me she just needs a little push.. I didn't reply yet. How do u guys feel about just sitting out for some weeks and contact her later?

I went on a date and ended up using "Need to use your bathroom" to get into her place. She mentioned how this other guy we both knew did the same thing once.

I tried to kiss her and she turns her face away. After I leave, she texts me:

"Just so you know, I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with guys the first day she meets them, and even kisses them... just to set things straight."

I just laugh but my game isn't that great yet so I know I could've done better. No big deal.

Anyways, I'm trying to set up a second date where we make dinner together at her place.

Her response after I tell her the time:

"You know, I thought about it, and I think we should first hang out and talk more before proceeding into any conjoined cooking escapades"

Seems like she's not comfortable enough with me after the first date to do this. Not sure how to respond effectively. I'm thinking just "lol" but dunno what good that would do.

Say "perfect, let's conjoin for drinks at xyz. That way I don't have to worry about you burning the lasagna, escapades or no."

Shifts it to drinks, builds comfort, negs her cooking skills, sex to follow. During the date, tell her you were impressed with her trying to lure you into her house with the old "want to use my bathroom line." Then say, " I thought better of you." Always shift and deflect the shit test back on them.

Have a good interaction with the girl over the weekend. Very attractive and she knows it, but has a viciously protective friend group. I manage to isolate her for about an hour while they barrage her with text messages and guilt. We have a surprisingly good conversation. She practically begs to give me her number so we can be "friends" though nothing about our interaction content or body language says "friends" She texts me heart-eyed emojis.

I text her on Monday
Me: Already expressing ur love... smh. Genuinely had a good time Saturday ur fun
Her: Yea in ur dreams, and I knw I am . see you around

Seems positive but the "see you around" is odd, like she's saying to not text her. Feel like this second text is critical. Thought about this, tell me what you think.

Me: Yea, instead let's meet up. Wednesday bar X. They've got vegetarian margaritas. (she's a vegetarian)

It's good...I always go for the meetup quick and veer out of text hell. Her friends sound like a vicious little pride of cats that you'll continually need to isolate her from and she's rolling an over inflated ego. If you can pull one bang, make it good and you may get a couple more. That's about it with these types.

went on one date with this girl. We had good chemistry and we ended up messing around and she gave me a bj. After the date the next few days she kept sending me sexual texts and wanted to meet. She gets her period and apolgizes and every since then she's been flakey and hard to reach. I keep getting into these situations where I lose steam after the first date. I set up something with her today and she flakes again so I get pissed and send her this

http://imgur.com/FCarv9N

where to go from here?

(07-14-2015 06:28 PM)Valhalla Wrote:  went on one date with this girl. We had good chemistry and we ended up messing around and she gave me a bj. After the date the next few days she kept sending me sexual texts and wanted to meet. She gets her period and apolgizes and every since then she's been flakey and hard to reach. I keep getting into these situations where I lose steam after the first date. I set up something with her today and she flakes again so I get pissed and send her this

http://imgur.com/FCarv9N

where to go from here?

Should've gone with "I don't care about your period, come over we'll chill and you'll have a good time" the first time. You let her keep setting the frame.

She had her period, it's not like her mouth didn't work or you guys couldn't have some fun. Later is just more of her setting the frame. You think you put your foot down with the text you sent but you just failed her test.

I'd go radio silence on her and re-initiate contact in a couple weeks, act like the conversation didn't happen.

She didn't come that period day because she flat out told me she wanted to have sex. She was interested and wasn't making bs at the time but by the second week I felt us losing steam and that's when the bs started.

>Later is just more of her setting the frame. You think you put your foot down with the text you sent but you just failed her test.

How should I have set the frame in this situation? What was the test and what was the appropriate response to her shit test?

I genuinally feel saying "ok" and acting like you don't care sends a signal that I approve of her behavior. It peeves me when girls flake and don't offer to reschedule and just let you chase them on and on. It puts me in a situation where I feel uncomfortable.

My game is rusty (been in an LTR for the last 2 years). I met this girl at a bookstore last week and got her number. We agreed to hang out tonight and suddenly she texts me this:

Girl "Hey lucky i'm so sorry i forgot, that i promised my friends to go with them to the cinema :/ would you like to join us for the movie and would it be ok with you if they join us for dinner ?"

And followed it up 3 minutes later with

Girl "I'm really sorry aboit that i got a little confused with my schedule :/"

We agreed to get drinks but now she's talking about dinner. How should I play this?

So here's how it played out after the above texts:

Me "actually i want to get to know you better, your friends can come another time"

Girl "okay, but you're aware of me having a boyfriend?"

Me "your mom mentioned it-- how about we met at cafe X at 7?" (her mom was present when i got her phone number)

Girl "Okay sounds good"

I thought about why I would even consider going with her and her friends to a movie and fucking dinner. I haven't gone to dinner with a girl on a first date ever. It's because I was concerned that if I said no I wouldn't see her again.

It's easy to revert back to that kind of thinking after being out of the game for awhile.

This is an example of the Risk Policy principle from Nobel Winner Daniel Kahneman (author of Thinking, Fast and Slow).

Quote:Implementing a sound risk policy involves your ability to reduce or eliminate the pain of the occasional loss by the thought that the policy that left you exposed to it will almost certainly be advantageous over the long run.

For me, that means never agreeing to a hang out with a group of friends for a first date even if in some cases it might work against me.

(07-15-2015 06:45 AM)Lucky Wrote:  This is an example of the Risk Policy principle from Nobel Winner Daniel Kahneman (author of Thinking, Fast and Slow).

Quote:Implementing a sound risk policy involves your ability to reduce or eliminate the pain of the occasional loss by the thought that the policy that left you exposed to it will almost certainly be advantageous over the long run.

For me, that means never agreeing to a hang out with a group of friends for a first date even if in some cases it might work against me.

This the perfect frame of mind to come from, though it's often emotionally difficult to implement at the time. Positive examples (observational learning) like this help bolster my own ability to do this. Well played.

I'm talking to and losing more girls than I can count at the moment and its driving me crazy.

My problem is having to use fucking text messages and even online messages to communicate. It is shit.

I end up going for it, early on, getting the number and setting up plans fast in a few messages. I read some advice on this forum recently about doing things in less messages, not less time. I think this sets up a good frame.

Problem is girl's are flakey as fuck, so I figure ok, I'll talk to them a bit get to know them. It always fucks me up. I never get the balance right. They normally go cold after that. So I would like some advice with this 6 from POF just for my sanity.

I message her for a bit, I can tell from her smileys and nervous ahahas that she likes me, thing is I didn't check my POF for a week so I get her on FB to talk for a bit, her choice of platform, not mine. She seems nervous asks how old I am and then says im only 19 aha, stuff like that, shes into me, cool.

I suggest meeting up tuesday, and she says she'll give me her number when she gets home. (she left her phone at home)

I wait til tuesday message her again "hey we still meetin up? jk been busy last couple days" (i still don't have her number)

nothing. I see her online but nothing, not even read. she even goes offline.

So today I sent her this funny image, hoping she'd fucking respond cos she loved me on sunday.

   

Nothing and goes offline again.

Any advice friends? It doesn't have to be yet another message to send her, cos I've messaged a couple times in a row now, and will look desperate. Maybe just general advice? I'm just pissed off how I keep fucking up with these girls, especially when I am very sure they like me.

EDIT: Ignore all that she just replied laughing her ass off!

Maybe just some help so I don't get so annoyed by all this flakery!! hahaha less coffee perhaps?

^ Game other women.

(07-15-2015 01:11 AM)Valhalla Wrote:  She didn't come that period day because she flat out told me she wanted to have sex. She was interested and wasn't making bs at the time but by the second week I felt us losing steam and that's when the bs started.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but how if she wants to have sex is that a reason to not come over? How is that anything but her bullshitting you? The bullshit started that period day.

(07-15-2015 01:11 AM)Valhalla Wrote:  >Later is just more of her setting the frame. You think you put your foot down with the text you sent but you just failed her test.

How should I have set the frame in this situation? What was the test and what was the appropriate response to her shit test?

You would've set the frame by not dignifying her text with a response. I would've gone 100% cold on her when she sent you that bullshit non apology about an assignment for class. Then you followed it up with a butthurt text.

(07-15-2015 01:11 AM)Valhalla Wrote:  I genuinally feel saying "ok" and acting like you don't care sends a signal that I approve of her behavior. It peeves me when girls flake and don't offer to reschedule and just let you chase them on and on. It puts me in a situation where I feel uncomfortable.

If you're the man, why are you continuing to talk to a girl who puts you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable? You're doing things on her terms by even acknowledging her bullshit. Best response would've been nothing or something ambiguous like "hm" or punishing like "gay." Saying "k" then following up with a butthurt text just showed her how incongruent you are and that your frame is weak.

Sup guys,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I don't want to text the wrong thing.

Backstory: Last weekend I met this woman on the streets of NYC. I cold approached and we got to chatting and she liked me. My body language was good and we made out, and we had a good long conversation about her life and how she's unhappy and blah blah blah. I basically entered a therapist frame. I decided to cut things short because I didn't know how to switch gears (yeah I'm new to this game stuff) and our convo was passing the peak makeout moment, and also because my buddy was winging with her friend who was a certified blue whale.

Some more context: She's 31 and married. I'm 24 and single, well in a LTR but I'm spinning plates when I can. She claims to be happily married (right) and that the only problem is that her 49 year old husband forgets the "little things" like anniversaries and shit. To add to that, she's a career woman who's a boss at her job and makes 150k a year. Not that the money matters but I figure it factors into her psychology. As far as ratings go, I'd say she's a solid 6. A little bit of extra weight, but she has those hips and that ass like I like. I'm doing this for the practice and the possible bang. Gotta get my reps up. But at the same time I won't compromise too much for this woman.

Anyway, the exchange:

Me: I was thinking drinks and good conversation this week. Sounds good?
Her: Sure, let me know when you're available. I'm good all week except for thurs.
Me: Ok great, I'll text you soon with details

(next day)

Me: I get out of work at 11 on Fri if you're with it? and sat too
Her: Good morning. That might be a little late for me. Can I let you know later on today?
Me: Sure, let me know

(later that day)

Her: Sorry for late response. Friday will work. Hope you had a good day.
Me: Ok great. My day was good. Hope you had a good one too
Her: That's awesome, my day has been good so far.

(thurs)

Her: Good morning. what's the plan for tomorrow?
Me: Morning, tmr I get out of Blank The Musical around 11pm. Can you meet me on (redacted) around that time?
Her: Sorry for the late reply got busy at work. I might be at the (redacted) where we met attending a work event, can I text you tomorrow and let you know where to meet.

*Game recognized. A strong reframe on her part. At this point I truly questioned if it was worth it, going along with this woman's plans. The neighborhood I positioned initially and the one where she wants to meet are about 20 mins apart. Sure I'm in NYC and have access to public transportation and such, but that's not the point. So I text back...

Me: Might be/will be at work event? And if that's so, then you have to find a nice spot in the (redacted neighborhood) for us and you have to get the first round of drinks.

So she texts me today, the day of our tentative date and says:

Her: Good morning, I'm not sure yet it depends on how my day goes today. Fridays are typically busy for me but I'll let you know ahead of time. If I meet you on (the neighborhood I suggested), where are you taking me? How many rounds of drinks are you treating me to? (winky smiley)

Now I see the game she's playing, and I'm not sure how to play back. My initial response would be to troll her.

What would you more experienced players do in this situation?

Date with a 19 year old who lives in a town an hour away from me tonight. She moved it to 10 from 8 because she has a dinner. when I asked her if she knew where the hotel lobby we were meeting at was she said:

"Yes but I don't have a ride home"
Me: " shouldn't be a problem. a friend dropping you off?"
Her: yes, but i was just informed she will wait for me but that doesn't imply a rush for you and I. i told her about an hour and a half"

I was thinking of replying something like: " oh I see. it's not necessary for her to wait, I'll see that you get home"

implied - ( in the morning of course after banging as I don't want to drive an hour tonight!)

Ideas for how to respond to the fact that her friend's going to wait for her. If that happens, it seems like a wasted date...

(07-17-2015 03:15 PM)robreke Wrote:  Date with a 19 year old who lives in a town an hour away from me tonight. She moved it to 10 from 8 because she has a dinner. when I asked her if she knew where the hotel lobby we were meeting at was she said:

"Yes but I don't have a ride home"
Me: " shouldn't be a problem. a friend dropping you off?"
Her: yes, but i was just informed she will wait for me but that doesn't imply a rush for you and I. i told her about an hour and a half"

I was thinking of replying something like: " oh I see. it's not necessary for her to wait, I'll see that you get home"

implied - ( in the morning of course after banging as I don't want to drive an hour tonight!)

Ideas for how to respond to the fact that her friend's going to wait for her. If that happens, it seems like a wasted date...

Update- I know no one's answered yet but I wanted to update in case someone wants to add their 2 cts.

I texted her: Sounds like you've got a good friend but she doesn't need to wait. I'll see that u get home. Besides we may bounce somewhere and that would be inconvenient.

She texted back: Ok but how will I get home then.

I don't mind taking her home in the morning if she spends the night with me, but the last thing I want is to drive an hour or more after our date tonight if she insists I take her home tonight ( could be post bang or no bang depending if she'll come back to my room with me). I'd like to suggest that I'll take her home in the morning in my text before we meet so there's no confusion, but I don't want to spook her off if she's not even thinking that. I think she's thinking along the lines of her going home tonight ....but I'm not sure

Here's an excerpt from text exchange from earlier with a chick I've been out with twice before. I want to get your take on it.

Me:"let's do movies tonight"
her:I gotta go to xx tonight :/
Me:
her: I'm renting some dude's truck and bringing my furniture up
Me: aight, let's shoot for when ur back, i'll help set the bed

of course after the last text with innuendo, she went cold again...

(07-17-2015 05:12 PM)robreke Wrote:  

(07-17-2015 03:15 PM)robreke Wrote:  Date with a 19 year old who lives in a town an hour away from me tonight. She moved it to 10 from 8 because she has a dinner. when I asked her if she knew where the hotel lobby we were meeting at was she said:

"Yes but I don't have a ride home"
Me: " shouldn't be a problem. a friend dropping you off?"
Her: yes, but i was just informed she will wait for me but that doesn't imply a rush for you and I. i told her about an hour and a half"

I was thinking of replying something like: " oh I see. it's not necessary for her to wait, I'll see that you get home"

implied - ( in the morning of course after banging as I don't want to drive an hour tonight!)

Ideas for how to respond to the fact that her friend's going to wait for her. If that happens, it seems like a wasted date...

Update- I know no one's answered yet but I wanted to update in case someone wants to add their 2 cts.

I texted her: Sounds like you've got a good friend but she doesn't need to wait. I'll see that u get home. Besides we may bounce somewhere and that would be inconvenient.

She texted back: Ok but how will I get home then.

I don't mind taking her home in the morning if she spends the night with me, but the last thing I want is to drive an hour or more after our date tonight if she insists I take her home tonight ( could be post bang or no bang depending if she'll come back to my room with me). I'd like to suggest that I'll take her home in the morning in my text before we meet so there's no confusion, but I don't want to spook her off if she's not even thinking that. I think she's thinking along the lines of her going home tonight ....but I'm not sure

I know this is coming late but I'd just tell her whatever to make the date happen. If you don't do that there's no chance of getting the lay right? If the friend drops her off then there's only 3 possible outcomes (to my way of thinking) ...

1. Date goes well, she spends the night, you bang, you happily take her home tomorrow

2 Date goes well but she's not down to bang...you tell her you've had too much to drink and cant drive her home tonight and she stays on the couch.

or

2b You tell her "you can can sleep in bed with me but there's no way we're having sex so don't even think about it having sex...yada yada" and you end up banging anyway (I wish I had a buck for every time this scenario ended up balls deep for me...there's an entire thread worth of material on this scenario alone)

3. Date doesn't go well and she insists on leaving. Id still go with the "Ive had too much to drink (or whatever)" She'll bitch about it but I guarantee she'll get someone to pick her up, UBER. whatever.

In essence dont worry about what happens if you dont get the bang. (At that point what does it matter?...right?). I assure you she's not worrying about your feelings or convenience if she decides she's not DTF,

As I continue my efforts for a day 3 and securing new leads, I've pinged text the blonde about the bed situation after an awesome picture of me doing something interesting.

Me:"how was the trip for the bed, i watched hours of instructional video of how to set one up"
her: "LOL! you didn't have to do dat!! I love tabogins (I mentioned having a lot also references the picture)
her: "I've set the bed up befo its ez
Me: "I was joking silly (*cool baby monkey covering eyes emoji*) sounds like a fun way to start trouble.
her: Hahaha no no trouble haha.

This is the 21 year old btw. I don't want to steer the conversation to get too sexual or anything. I want to encourage the thought of us hooking up and then propose the meetup from there. Any idea how I should play this one?

Earlier this week, I was walkin' the streets and up ahead along the sidewalk, I spot this short, curvaceous Hispanic heading my way. As we pass each other, I ask about her boots. Given how she had earbuds in, I had to repeat that louder, and only then does she turn to face me.

A decent-sized chat ensues, by where the initial topic of where she got the boots and what-not easily segued into a wealth of other topics. She never asked me any personal questions I don't reckon, but the exchange seemed to flow easily, and surely, she could've broken away at any time.

From my initial opener material, we drifted through such topics as academic course of study (she's prepping for veterinary tech), and from there springboarded into pet ownership. She got into some family-oriented material, mentioning how she was emancipated at 16, and regarded her contemporary generation with considerable disdain. I teased her about that, jibing her for coming off as negative. She also makes a brief mention of a boyfriend, but the reference doesn't arise again throughout the dialogue.

As we talked, the wind cause her short dress to flap about, prompting her to continually hold it in place around her voluptuous thighs. I snuck a few looks at her body. She appeared to be a little on the doughy side, but the overall proportions ignited a strong appeal. Her hip-to-waist ratio looked quite optimal, and her breasts were large and plump.

Ultimately, I figured on being the party to sweep it up, first offering to hang out later on sometime, to which she replied with how she was on her way to wherever, and so, I quickly got the number. This was the 1st time a girl offered both her first and last name.

The next day I txt her . . .

She responds within 2 minutes.

me: hey Dr. its Mess. how are you
her: Oh, how formal. Actually, Im catching up with a friend whos a psych major
me: Do you want to meet later this week
her: Actually, I'm gonna be pretty busy all this week tbh
me: let me know
her: Alright for sure

What next, dudes?

(07-25-2015 11:41 PM)Mess O. Wrote:  The next day I txt her . . .

She responds within 2 minutes.

me: hey Dr. its Mess. how are you
her: Oh, how formal. Actually, Im catching up with a friend whos a psych major
me: Do you want to meet later this week
her: Actually, I'm gonna be pretty busy all this week tbh
me: let me know
her: Alright for sure

What next, dudes?

Sounds very non-committing on her side. Well, as you suggested to her by texting "let me know", the ball is in her court. Assume she won't text back (she mentioned boyfriend, right?). If she doesn't respond, perhaps best to re-enagage one more time with some hail mary offer on a weekend night for her to come over? If that doesn't work, either go with the school that suggests deleting the number or transfer her to a retentions department and include in a spamtext every six months with other girls. After all, boyfriends come and go.

Perhaps "Do you want to meet later this week" could have been rephrased a bit better. As it stands, it suggests you've got not other options (if you had had, you wouldn't have let her to pick the day, I think?) and girls can often see through that. How about more leading, action-driven, sprinkled with scarcity principle: "going to check out this new bar/exhibition/festival/whatever on thursday, you can keep me company but no later then 9pm". Instead, she pulled that trick on her with "Actually, I'm gonna be pretty busy all this week tbh". I've got something similar with a Russian girl, and will write up my conundrum promptly.

Anyway, keep approaching. I like your literary write ups, by the way.

I'd rather pose my question as "To text or not to text?", for I think not much can be done in this situation. Anyway, here's the background:

Street approached a Russian devushka, a student here, as blond as they come, decent looking though no stunner by any means and with a tight little butt. She had her headphones as approached her but turned out to be surprisingly chatty and called herself from my phone as well as punched in my name. Interestingly, she half-jokingly said she was lonely. Extremely repsonsive over texts, got her to hang-out at the bar the day after. At a bar she sat at the table across from me, told her to sit next to me, complied, I bought a round, then she bought around, stayed until bar close but she said she worked early tomorrow and was such a chatterbox (but wouldn't ask me anything - I know, strange) that I got tired of it! Thus thought I'd tell her to come over to my place on Friday to hang out. Learnt she did pole dancing for fun and dad was an ex-military.

The texting part:

Suggested to meet this Friday (but without being specific what and where - perhaps should have) to which she replied on Thursday afternoon "I'm not sure about Friday evening yet, as I have some plans wit my colleagues. But we'll see".

Radio silence since then, didn't get back in touch with her. My take is, for whatever reason, her interest evaporated or she likes to be chased hard. And which woman doesn't, really?

Girl was sending me texts yesterday and seemed pretty interested. I had plans this weekend, but I wanted to set something up for the middle of this week and so I tell her I'd like to talk with her that evening (I never meet up without hearing what a girl acts like on the phone first). I get the usual "oh well I'm not very good at talking on the phone I like texting" and so on, and says "well maybe but I don't know I might be going out tonight..." I let it drop and we talk about some other stuff for a while.

I get a text early in the morning hours "I'm at a party..." I don't reply.

I got a text this morning "Oh! Crap. I was supposed to talk with you yesterday, right?! I didn't even think..."

Response? I'm thinking about nexting. I don't much enjoy "Supplies are limited! I'm doing stuff without you! Act fast!" hard-sell tactics. I'm middle aged and maybe it's just me, but there's no way I'm meeting you without a phone call first, that's for sure. A single phone call has allowed me to dodge serious (crazy) bullets in the past.