Post: #1

Every article online is about how to tell your partner and work through it but let's face it, for the most part it's not a realistic option.
Does anyone know of a "flowchart" of what to do if you have an STD that you got outside the LTR but don't want to break up the LTR?

Something like:
Your test result is negative - Stop here
Your test result is positive - 1. Does your GF have it? (how to discreetly *test* her)
Your GF doesn't have it - Stop here
Your GF has it - Did she get it from you or did you get it from her (how to discreetly spy on her to determine if she's getting shagged by someone else).
Your GF is seeing someone else - Stop here (you just got your ticket out of an LTR)
Nothing points to your GF seeing anyone else - (How to obtain antibiotics without sending her to the clinic, how to get her to consume a course of antibiotics without her knowledge)

Obviously filling in the "How to"s within () are where the ideas need to come in. Maybe this thread could be the start.

Post: #2

How long have you been seeing her? Is it possible you can say it was from before you knew her?

How deep are you in the LTR? Can you just say you got drunk, banged a random bitch and got the clap while encouraging her to get antibiotics?

I think your integrity matters more than some girl you're probably not going to spend your life with. You'd be surprised what women will forgive you for; and your inclination to deceive her sounds a lot like you being afraid to lose her.

However I understand things can become complicated and if there is too much risk for fallout in your personal life that may not be a viable option but remember to take care of those possibilities in the future by setting up your social structure and the girls role in it properly so you can have your integrity and a favorable situation.

For now

How long have you been with her?
Do her friends know you?
Do your friends know her?
Parents?
Business/work (hope not)?
How embedded is she in your life ?
Are you ready to walk away or have her walk after this situation is resolved?

Post: #3

(08-22-2018 11:53 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  How long have you been seeing her? Is it possible you can say it was from before you knew her?

How deep are you in the LTR? Can you just say you got drunk, banged a random bitch and got the clap while encouraging her to get antibiotics?

Several years into the LTR and we both got tested upon getting into the LTR. Since there's now families and circles of friends in a close knit community in our lives, it's preferable to solve this problem "under the radar"

Post: #4

(08-22-2018 11:53 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  How long have you been with her?
Do her friends know you?
Do your friends know her?
Parents?
Business/work (hope not)?
How embedded is she in your life ?
Are you ready to walk away or have her walk after this situation is resolved?

over 10 years
yes
yes
yes
yes
living together for years now
yes but it would be financially painful to do so

Post: #5

I see. Well it needs to be resolved quickly because it can effect a woman's fertility.

A lot of doctors will prescribe 2 sets of anti-biotic treatments.
Unfortunately man anti-biotics usually have to be taken pretty specifically; they have interactions with some foods, alcohol and need to be taken on time. Even then it's always recommend to get re-tested as they aren't always effective first time around.

I imagine you could get ahold of the medication and feed it to her and take close care to give it to her on time and even go as far to get a urine sample somehow and make sure she's clear after a month or so but the margin for error is pretty large and should you get caught there I would say the fallout would be exponentially worse.

Depending on your country uh "incentivizing" a doctor you know well may be an option - as in he tells her she has a small infection gets her blood tests and gives her medication. Once again can go bad if she gets a 2nd opinion.

If it were syphilis giving her a penicillin shot while she was drunk may be an option but the clap has been showing a lot of resistance to it lately and a cure is not guranteed.

I think your best option is fessing up unapolegetically, taking responsability for your actions and giving her the option to forgive you very matter-of-factly. If you go that route there are a lot of ways to soften the blow for her and it's likely if she's really invested she will forgive you if you don't show weakness.

Edit
Ah shit I just saw the yes answers and the 10 year thing. That's sticky, I dont know if I could even recommend telling her straight up anymore without knowing everything you know about your 10 year relationship. Maybe some another experienced member could help, that's quite above my paygrade.

If you're not worried about damaging her fertility you may want to consider surveillance to see if you can catch her cheating and write everything off as her fault.

Difficult situation all around, sorry to hear all that wish I could be more help

Post: #6

STDs take longer to show up in women and are often asymptotic so get your pecker fixed right away, then forget about it. If she brings it up after then call her a lying, cheating dirty whore and see what happens, you may have to get your pecker fixed a second time but it doesn’t always pass on again. It’s only the clap bro.

Post: #7

Are you symptomatic or did you just get a blood test? Blood test are not reliable.

Take antibiotics quick, say nothing and hope for the best. Abstain from sex with her until you finish the course.

Then suggest she does a medical check up with a battery of blood tests including stds, because you care about her fertility.

With due respect, raw dogging around when you are in LTR is stupid.

Post: #8

(08-23-2018 12:17 AM)scotian Wrote:  It’s only the clap bro.

The clap is becoming very difficult to treat: the CDC's current guidelines are an injection in the ass and a large dose of oral antibiotics simultaneously.

Also, if you've raw-dogged her a few times, she's definitely got it. Women have a >60% probability of catching it from a single round of being boned in the pussy. A guy's probability of catching it from pussybanging is around 20% per round.

Post: #9

(08-23-2018 02:33 AM)Montrose Wrote:  Are you symptomatic or did you just get a blood test? Blood test are not reliable.

A negative blood test may not be very reliable, but a positive is very positive.

(08-23-2018 02:33 AM)Montrose Wrote:  Take antibiotics quick, say nothing and hope for the best. Abstain from sex with her until you finish the course.

The chance of that working is very low because women catch it far more easily than men. You don't want to screw around with gonorrhoea as it's becoming extremely resistant. One round of treatment will probably damage your gut flora, so you wouldn't want to do a second round. Also, you might feel very ill during the treatment while the bacteria die off and release toxins.


Fixing this on the low-down will be difficult, short of mixing some sleeping tablets and oral antibiotics into her tea and then doing the injection while she sleeps. Probably legally questionable in most places.

Post: #10

There are (very few) false positives in gonorrhea blood tests (the likelihood of any individual positive test being a false positive depends on gonorrhea prevalence in your country) and additionally a positive blood test may mean that you were exposed to the bacteria in the past but no longer.

I didn’t realize that the probability of transmission was so high though

Totally agree on the legal risk of giving medication to someone without their consent (not to mention ethical)

Post: #11

After 10 years, you have to tell her. As others mentioned, if you raw-dogged her, she probably caught it.

Plus, there's no way to keep it a secret if she starts showing symptoms. Well, unless she's cheating. Is this what you're banking on?

Tell her and let the chips fall where they may. It's what a man does.

PS: I'm old fashioned like that

Post: #12

(08-23-2018 02:33 AM)Montrose Wrote:  With due respect, raw dogging around when you are in LTR is stupid.

This. If you don’t like her any more then be a man and leave.

Post: #13

yes, don't tell her, unless you WANT the relationship to end. You essentially have to make something up while you're getting your treatment. Something like extremely pelvic pain that would simply make sex unenjoyable.
However, yes, if you raw-dogged your gf as well, then you should tell her and just live with the results. And as someone else mentioned, raw-dogging outside of an LTR is extremely risky also because side chicks can get really jealous and then pregnancy happens.

Post: #14

I would tell her what happened, tell her to go get tested, she'll be pissed but on some level I'm sure she would appreciate you telling her something difficult rather than risking her health because you wanted to avoid the consequences. I understand not wanting to tell her you cheated, if nothing happened and you got away with it then you do you, but for real this is a different situation now that you got an STD, also this double oh seven idea your thinking up is completely unfeasible, tell her, the worst that happens is you lose your girlfriend which isn't the end of the world.

Post: #15

Sounds like you’re trying to sneak around the fact that you cheated if at all possible. To me that’s a waste of life to be in a shitty relationship that you’re lying and cheating. Made that mistake before and never again. Huge regrets on the trail of tears and time I wasted in a relationship I wasn’t putting my whole heart into. So if I’m hearing you correctly that you cheated: Be honest, try and repair the relationship with honesty if you two both still whole heartedly want to be together. What’s the point of lying and stressing yourself out and living a life you’re not even proud of?? I’d rather be single ten times over than dragging myself through that mud. Yea it sucks to have to face the music of family affairs but you did this then there are consequences to it. Especially if you ever want a healthy relationship with anyone ever. You’ll feel immensely better after it’s all over because either theres a huge weight off your shoulders and or you now have a healthy relationship. Live the life you envision yourself living and treat others how you’d want to be treated. The real character of a person is revealed through difficult times not when it’s all peachy. Man the fuck up and stop being a pussy hiding from the truth of what you did by trying to bury this deeper. When the weight of this burden is lifted it will positively affect all areas of your life and until then it’ll negatively affect all areas of your life. I say this from a very similar real life experience I had.

Post: #16

He wrote earlier that there would be social and financial issues if they split. It would have been better not to get into a situation whereby a woman could inflict financial damage, but it's too late now. So this may be more about damage control than lack of balls.

Plenty of guys have a main and side dishes...

Post: #17

(08-23-2018 03:42 AM)DaveR Wrote:  Fixing this on the low-down will be difficult, short of mixing some sleeping tablets and oral antibiotics into her tea and then doing the injection while she sleeps. Probably legally questionable in most places.

This is probably OPs best course of action though. Or he starts building a giant web of lies as to why he can't have sex with his LTR of 10 years and then prepare to look surprised and hurt when she tells him that she has the clap.

I don't want to go all Jordan Peterson here OP, but you may have to just tell her now as opposed to telling lie after lie to prevent her from finding out. The stress of keeping the lie going might not be worth it in the long run, especially if she ends up finding out anyway. I mean what's worse, you immediately telling her that you cheated, you're sorry and that she may have the clap? Or her finding out that you cheated, you caught the clap, you didn't tell her, but you continued to have sex with her knowing full well that you were infecting her with the clap?

Plus as I mentioned earlier the stress of keeping a charade going for a considerable amount of time will take a toll on you, especially if you legitimately care deeply for this girl. And as Peterson would say, all the lies will eat away at your soul and your life will descend into chaos and hell. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

So you're probably going to have to tell her or listen to DaveR and start sourcing sleeping pills and googling how to inject an unconscious woman with antibiotics.

Post: #18

“Plenty of guys have a main dish and a side dish”

And being honest in the first place about that would’ve saved those repercussions. I have two girlfriends and date on the side but I’m upfront so this exact problem won’t happen.
There’s big difference between justifying having side chicks secretively by saying lots of guys do it and being honest in the first place before you have to have those mentalities and big mess on your hands.

Post: #19

edit

Post: #20

(08-23-2018 12:04 AM)TheGrowth Wrote:  

(08-22-2018 11:53 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  How long have you been with her?
Do her friends know you?
Do your friends know her?
Parents?
Business/work (hope not)?
How embedded is she in your life ?
Are you ready to walk away or have her walk after this situation is resolved?

over 10 years
yes
yes
yes
yes
living together for years now
yes but it would be financially painful to do so

You don't think it was important to tell us that you've been with someone for 10 years when you ask for this kind of advice? lol

So clearly if you ask her to get tested its because you were cheating

You just need to tell the truth, you spent 10 years of your life with someone, you owe it to them to tell them and you just gotta accept the consequences. Hopefully she doesn't freak out and tell the whole fuckin world

My best advice would be to still her down and tell her straight up, don't be all sad and sorry. Tell her like its a business meeting but you have some serious news for your partners. You gotta keep the situation calm. If you bitch out and start crying and sobbing n shit she will flip out, start screaming and try to humiliate you with all your friends etc

Just say the truth, say you're a man who's horny all the time and u slipped up, that's it and that's all

Post: #21

Just say you caught something from a toilet seat.

This isn't going to end well in a 10 year situation.

If you're going to cheat in an LTR of any length, wrap it up to avoid this sort of thing.

Post: #22

Before I be a man, fess up, hope for the best, etc and execute the garden variety advice on the internet I want to make sure that I'm not putting out my cards unnecessarily.

I didn't squirt it in when I rawdogged the gf so I'd like to find out in the first place if she even has it. Again why would I fess up etc if she doesn't have it in the first place? For that would not be wise.

There are two possible people I could have gotten this from and one is the gf. The fat drunk girl swears she'd been tested and was squeaky clean , obviously I don't put 100% faith in her statement but it's at least worth consideration that she may be right .
So why would I do this if the gf is the one that gave it to me, definitely not impossible.

I think it would be most beneficial if we focus the discussion on the solution of those two points

Post: #23

1. Deny, deny, deny.

2. Do surveillance, see if she's cheating. If she is, end the relationship on that grounds.

3. Abstain from sex, it's possible she hasn't caught it. See if that works.

4. If you determine she is not cheating then you tell her there is something you need to talk about. Ask her if she has been cheating on you. She will of course, say no (even if she is). After that, explain that you got [NAME of STD Here]. Do not say STD, use the exact medical name for whatever this is. Then say that you asked the doctor and he said that there were only two possibilities-- that you got it from her or that you got it from a toilet seat or other environmental cause, but that those are extremely unlikely. Then ask her again, honestly, in the last 10 years have you ever done something that may have caused this? If she has, she may actually say yes here, but odds are, she will say no. At that point make her promise it or whatever. Then tell her that she needs to get tested.

Basically, you just put the focus on her. But honestly dude, it's 10 years and you haven't gotten married, it's not going to happen. You gotta get out of this thing.

Post: #24

(08-23-2018 06:14 PM)TheGrowth Wrote:  There are two possible people I could have gotten this from and one is the gf. The fat drunk girl swears she'd been tested and was squeaky clean , obviously I don't put 100% faith in her statement but it's at least worth consideration that she may be right

So let me get this straight. You risked a 10 year relationship for a one night stand with a fat girl with the clap?

A fat girl with the clap.

Dude. You got to be better than this.

Post: #25

Dodgy, it was a weak moment I'm not perfect it happens, to me at least.

Dasein, this is a good start to the intent of the thread, thank you!