Post: #26

Running away to a different country for a while is the best technique.

Post: #27

(08-09-2017 11:13 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  Thanks for reviving this old thread... The OP really hit home to what I'm dealing with right now.

My question is: Why do we break up with quality women when we seemingly have no reason to do so?

I have ZERO reason to break up with my current girlfriend right now. She is everything that I thought I wanted. I justified my "player" days by saying once I find a girl (like the one I have now) that the game would be over and I'd leave the Peter Pan me behind...

If a woman cheated on me or gave any other acceptable reason for breaking off the relationship, it'd be easier than sunday morning to do.... but right now... How (better yet why?) would I break it off?

There is absolutely ZERO reason to go through with it... other than this little voice saying something is amiss. Something is missing...

Perhaps it's a stage....

Perhaps it's me?....

On this forum we routinely make fun of female's "hamsterizations" but if all we do is dump quality women just to go out to find new quality women... aren't we the ones acting like hamsters on a wheel?

It's a great question.

I can't speak for the other posters, but as for the girl mentioned in the OP, I wouldn't call her a keeper. I cared about her feelings and think fondly of the time we shared together, but marrying her would have been a mistake and I'm glad I got my ass out of there. We touch bases from time to time but I have no plans to ever take her back.

You could say that it's natural for men to always want something new, but I also think a lot of men subconsciously get stuck with women they shouldn't be with out of comfort and familiarity. It's common to romanticize the quality of your woman, both physically and personality-wise, once you pass a certain point, but you often know the truth inside when you're settling for less, and this manifests as relationship restlessness.

I'm approaching 40, and while I enjoy my freedom, for a truly quality woman l would have no qualms keeping her around for the long haul and knocking her up. I certainly can't say I wouldn't eventually desire some strange though.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #28

^ Nothing tempts like the allure of strange.

Post: #29

There's just a certain feeling of momentum in life with NOBODY to answer to (if possible).

Little by little, the routine that builds love and comfort turns into a straightjacket of sorts... the most frustrating part is that I've even felt this with girls who gave me As Much Space As I Wanted... so it's really nobody's fault but our own if we let a routine with a girl sap our drive to Do More (speaking in a business / projects / improvements context, not a new strange context).

I do feel a pang of hypocrisy when I get to this stage in a relationship, especially when girl has espoused the principles we hold dear here.

Saving grace is that I've almost never felt this way because I wanted new girls -- it's always been to get that lone wolf hunger for life and progress back.

How do married guys get past that?

Pan-reduced to it's essence, it's a mode of thought where one wishes they need not ever consider Anyone Else's Needs but their own. I am definitely oversimplifying and generalizing. Also glad the thread is revived.

Post: #30

(08-10-2017 04:43 PM)456 Wrote:  There's just a certain feeling of momentum in life with NOBODY to answer to (if possible).

Little by little, the routine that builds love and comfort turns into a straightjacket of sorts... the most frustrating part is that I've even felt this with girls who gave me As Much Space As I Wanted... so it's really nobody's fault but our own if we let a routine with a girl sap our drive to Do More (speaking in a business / projects / improvements context, not a new strange context).

I do feel a pang of hypocrisy when I get to this stage in a relationship, especially when girl has espoused the principles we hold dear here.

Saving grace is that I've almost never felt this way because I wanted new girls -- it's always been to get that lone wolf hunger for life and progress back.

How do married guys get past that?

Pan-reduced to it's essence, it's a mode of thought where one wishes they need not ever consider Anyone Else's Needs but their own. I am definitely oversimplifying and generalizing. Also glad the thread is revived.

This.

I don't want to trade her in for any other woman... but I want myself back.

I want the guy who had limitless creativity and motivation back...the one who had the hunger to explore the world, start businesses, and simply demand more out of life (and myself).

Of course, it's not her fault (directly) that I feel this way... but the lull of passivity and security rubs off.

Its a tough decision.

Post: #31

(08-10-2017 04:43 PM)456 Wrote:  How do married guys get past that?

My close friends with attractive wives and successful businesses (they own) have always answered that:

children.

They all say their lives and outlook and chemicals produced by the body change once you have kids.

They love and are fiercely protective of the mother of their children. They are in rapture at watching their children grow up and teaching them the ways of the world.

Beyond this, and running their businesses, and occasionally banging their wives who stay in shape and are fashionable and agreeable... they don't have much time or energy.

They are quite content, and when I visit their homes and spend time with their family it is a very tranquil atmosphere.

I have no desire for children myself, so I am just passing this info on. We all talk about it frequently. And these are the types of friends where we discuss the things that piss us off immediately, so there is no posturing going on here.

Post: #32

(08-10-2017 08:17 PM)TooFineAPoint Wrote:  ...

Were these dudes game aware? I'm facing a similar prospect, but can't imagine limiting myself to one woman, even with kids. Maybe that changes.

It's a fine balance, because even the very finest women get boring eventually. So what's to be done except overcome the boredom, or get something on the side?

Post: #33

Of the two friends I am thinking of, one has always been a bit of a natural, but he is also very conservative. He is the only man his wife has been with, and his wife is the only woman he has slept with (he had various solid girlfriends in highschool but like I say he is very traditional, yet not religious, and he always wanted to work towards a wife and family). His wife is one of our best friends from highschool, so they are the two people I've known longest in my life. In a lot of ways he groomed her to be his wife, first taking her under his wing as our friend, then shooing off potential bad suitors. He played a really long game. In terms of actual "gaming", he never really needed it for what he wanted. Also, he is a merciless tease and flirt. It's a good combo. Chicks dig him.

Of my other friend, he had lots of chicks in his life and only got married in his late 30s once he knew he wanted a kid and to settle down. And yes, he is game aware. We discovered game together and he used it to great effect on a few girls that I saw, and then on his eventual wife.

The connecting factor here is that both wives are above-average intelligence, and both have dependable careers, and both liked to stay in shape their whole lives. They are high achievers with in-tact families, and value a dependable man. Both were around a 7 when my friends met them, and now, in their late 30s they have maintained that (at least compared to other women their age).

Again, they say it changes a lot when you have a kid with a woman you love, so I doubt we would feel it until we are in that circumstance. But yes, with their positions of power, and access to hotter, younger women, they could certainly get girls better looking than their wives.

They aren't fags about pointing out or appreciating a hot chick, that's just what we've always done. But I have never heard these guys yearn for another woman. These are also the type of dudes that, when we are out together for the night or on a guys' vacation, they are excited and happy to call their wives to say goodnight.

Post: #34

(08-09-2017 11:13 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  On this forum we routinely make fun of female's "hamsterizations" but if all we do is dump quality women just to go out to find new quality women... aren't we the ones acting like hamsters on a wheel?

Men definitely have a hamster. However, the differences are we are aware of it and we power it with logic and reason.

'Quality' is subjective. If you don't want to be with someone, you don't want to be with someone. Fuck what everyone else may think. My advice is just don't make any hasty decisions. Move through life with no regrets.

(08-10-2017 09:06 PM)churros Wrote:  It's a fine balance, because even the very finest women get boring eventually. So what's to be done except overcome the boredom, or get something on the side?

That answer lies within yourself. No one can answer that but you.

Post: #35

(08-10-2017 05:48 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  I don't want to trade her in for any other woman... but I want myself back.

I want the guy who had limitless creativity and motivation back...the one who had the hunger to explore the world, start businesses, and simply demand more out of life (and myself).

Of course, it's not her fault (directly) that I feel this way... but the lull of passivity and security rubs off.

^-- spot on, CC, thanks for wording it even more concisely.

And, TooFine, thanks for coming through with the marriage + kids angle -- well explained, and provided a positive inspiration rather than tales of woe for that lifestyle.

Post: #36

(08-10-2017 05:48 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  

(08-10-2017 04:43 PM)456 Wrote:  There's just a certain feeling of momentum in life with NOBODY to answer to (if possible).

Little by little, the routine that builds love and comfort turns into a straightjacket of sorts... the most frustrating part is that I've even felt this with girls who gave me As Much Space As I Wanted... so it's really nobody's fault but our own if we let a routine with a girl sap our drive to Do More (speaking in a business / projects / improvements context, not a new strange context).

I do feel a pang of hypocrisy when I get to this stage in a relationship, especially when girl has espoused the principles we hold dear here.

Saving grace is that I've almost never felt this way because I wanted new girls -- it's always been to get that lone wolf hunger for life and progress back.

How do married guys get past that?

Pan-reduced to it's essence, it's a mode of thought where one wishes they need not ever consider Anyone Else's Needs but their own. I am definitely oversimplifying and generalizing. Also glad the thread is revived.

This.

I don't want to trade her in for any other woman... but I want myself back.

I want the guy who had limitless creativity and motivation back...the one who had the hunger to explore the world, start businesses, and simply demand more out of life (and myself).

Of course, it's not her fault (directly) that I feel this way... but the lull of passivity and security rubs off.

Its a tough decision.

If "strange" or "new" as an external catalyst isn't the issue then your issue is simply* one of internal dialogue. If you are truly satisfied with being with this one woman then I'd focus on articulating a well defined life plan.

The average person goes through life just wanting to "be happy" without ever really visualizing the specifics of what that looks like.

For example its not enough to say "I want to be wealthy" Thats too vague. You need to say (arbitrary figures follow) "I want to have $1000000 in cash and $5000000 in equities". A defined goal

In business it is almost impossible to succeed without a well developed business plan (BP). A good business plan includes marketing, sales, financial etc segments that act as a "road map". It allows for way-points so that one can know if they are making progress towards their goal and make necessary adjustments along the way *

Life like a business needs a plan else how do you know where youre going or how youre doing?

Edit: Like business plans of a smart and nimble co , a life plan is an organic instrument that should be constantly reviewed and adapted as needed.

Everyone should approach life as if they were the CEO of it...because you are

*Of course one of the hardest questions one ever has to answer is "What do I really want?" There are tools and methodologies to help one uncover the answer(s) to that all important question...but thats another post

Post: #37

I'm going through this right now too.

At the moment, she's packing her bags and not talking to me.

Last night I had a big argument with her over something stupid. That has happened many times the last month, we've had a lot of stress from outside the relationship and now we've been yelling at each other and then making up with each other. However the last couple times it happened, I decided if this happens again, it's over. This time I don't feel that bad because I've already been through it already recently.

So we were fighting last night and I told her "fine. move out then." I was angry and telling a girl to move out because I didn't like some her old ripped up clothes and other things cluttering up my room

Today I realise, that's a stupid reason to break up with someone. However the thing that's really bothering is this yelling and arguing, she's out of control sometimes. I have tried everything: ignoring it, leaving the house, getting angry back, talking about it but I can't get it to stop

She's older than me, so not someone I have much of a future with beyond the next 6 months to a year.

I feel like shes a lovely girl most of the time but her attitude is a bit fucked up other times, I blame feminism and lack of a strong father figure in her life.

The reasons I like her and live with her are: She's incredible in bed, and has a high sex drive. I will miss that. We just had made things much more interesting recently, also she is very open to the idea of threesomes. So instead of hunting around for girls on the side, I've been hunting for girls to join.

She lives with me, and can and has been extremely useful to me in navigating the strange customs and traditions of another country. I feel kind of loyal to her because of this, even if she's not a good idea for an LTR.

At the moment, even though I broke up with her and was happy about it last night, I'm starting to regret it. I still have hope she can stop being a bitch and we can be together, although I know that is stupid. Also I know "trying to get her back" in the typical beta ways, does not work. I'd be better off letting her leave, not caring and seeing if she comes back.

My heads all over the place right now, which is why this was a bit of a ramble. Any advice would be appreciated. Basically, I also have trouble breaking up with girls

Post: #38

(08-11-2017 10:16 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  If "strange" or "new" as an external catalyst isn't the issue then your issue is simply* one of internal dialogue. If you are truly satisfied with being with this one woman then I'd focus on articulating a well defined life plan.

The average person goes through life just wanting to "be happy" without ever really visualizing the specifics of what that looks like.

[...]

Everyone should approach life as if they were the CEO of it...because you are

PT: great point, keeping it actionable.

In my case What I Specifically Want is large chunks of unstructured time -- that's where my 80/20 huge leaps of personal and business growth happen. [i.e. completing a huge self-derived project that exudes benefits]

I'm lucky if I have a few per year of ~3 week phases where I'm at a personal 27x rate of productivity. There soweth the seeds and tangible results to power the next half year of operating at my normal clip, getting great sleep, still keeping forward momentum, etc.


Girls I let stick around tend to be the ones I meet during or right after such hyper-positive phases. The attraction may even grow from her being in my world as I'm in this zone, sometimes sparking her to create as well, respecting my workflow.

Girls I let go after a few months tend to be those I've met in absence of, or before one of these phases.

A girl who can make it through a few cycles is certainly bumped up a few notches in wifey materialness.


Nothing erodes intimacy like resent born from things like:

- your close girlfriend suddenly having to do (and share with everyone about) her own apartment search after she realizes the true co-hab is not imminent, and realistically should uprade the "more basic" shared pad she's ignored for 10 months

- every other example I can think of is so personal, but you know -- things from A Pullback are never interpreted well


The key to maintaining peace (and it has not always been maintained) seems to be Keeping Hope Alive™ in as honest a way as possible, allowing space for her reactions, and treating it has a test of her maturity and dedication.


If I'm honest that yes, this is a slight setback, but:
- it's to keep being the man you fell in love with (whose off-the-grid timeblocks you tolerated proudly)
- I can't and won't make deadlines or suffer ultimatums
- I truly don't want to waste your time (so you're saying it was a waste now?)
- a true co-hab requires a BIG residential upgrade

Then she has two choices after the initial sulk / misinterpretations / calming-down:

1) to re-energize her own healthy positive activities (creative, financial goal-setting, practicing a skill), respecting your space for now and explicitly saying (even a week later) She Gets It and was being selfish to think she had to timeline you like that. She realizes she has invested a lot, and earned a lot, but has farther to go If She Chooses.

- or -

2) to front about new vague activities and new friends and try too hard to add "mystery" back in / to inspire jealousy / to test and sulk further -- always cut this one off at the pass (it's own discussion)

- but wait -

Ultimately, after as many weeks/months as you want, both 1) and 2) may just as likely decide they are done. If 2), she's moot before this point and you should have pulled the plug already.

The test is for the girl who does 1) and chooses to stay chasing you and earning you WITHOUT asking you to "not rule out" co-hab/marriage/kids/etc.

You also have your choice to make, and it's best to make the one you sense is right. If you know it's wasting her time, it doesn't matter if she does. Likewise if it's meant to continue, then on until next phase!


When it's time to call it off; "it's run its course"; "we were always respectful"; etc.


* the hardest part for me in these moments is that when I finally HAVE that time I craved, it's tempting to overthink the relatuationship instead of trying to move on and converting pain into positive energy with healthy doses of actual sadness, new experiences, and RELIEF, and eventually the wisdom and confidence of having successfully shorted it.

** pps -- much like a girl digging chivalry implies "only if also tingles", my thoughts here are all with an implied "she's only in my life because she met/exceeded my time-honed standards [until now?]"

Post: #39

(08-11-2017 03:10 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  I'm going through this right now too.

At the moment, she's packing her bags and not talking to me.

Last night I had a big argument with her over something stupid. That has happened many times the last month, we've had a lot of stress from outside the relationship and now we've been yelling at each other and then making up with each other. However the last couple times it happened, I decided if this happens again, it's over. This time I don't feel that bad because I've already been through it already recently.

...

Today I realise, that's a stupid reason to break up with someone. However the thing that's really bothering is this yelling and arguing, she's out of control sometimes. I have tried everything: ignoring it, leaving the house, getting angry back, talking about it but I can't get it to stop

Proverbs 25:24: "It's better to live in a corner on the roof than in a house with a contentious woman."

The biggest complaint of my unhappily married friends (and I, when I was married) is a contentious wife.

My happily married friends (and I, now, with my much younger girlfriend) have arranged the opposite life, just so:

1. Choose a woman whose personality is not predisposed to contention.
2. Husband's frame does not allow for excessive contention.
3. The structure of her lifestyle (children, community, husband's friends, comfortable home life) minimizes reasons for contention.

The pussy of a 6-9 doesn't feel that different in the seconds leading up to orgasm. But the other 23.9 hours of the day are vastly different between a chick that puts/keeps a smile on your face, vs one that piles on stress and drama no matter what you do.

Post: #40

Wow. There is a lot of wisdom about women in the bible.

I'm wondering if she and me are just stressed from this last month we've had. A lot of outside problems I don't want to get into while spending pretty much every waking second together.

I mention that to her this morning but she's STILL pissed off today. So it s probably not worth pursuing.

I also remember other arguments with her lasting a day or two over stupid shit. And ive seen how she fights with her mother, who seems like a very kind hearted and generous woman.

So no 1. maybe im just dealing with a contentious woman here who will not change.

2. I've worked hard on keeping a solid frame but probably failed. Hard work when you live together to be on your guard all the time.

3. Unfortunately the structure of her lifestyle is not helping and encouraging contention and confrontation. 

Post: #41

(08-12-2017 11:41 AM)RedPillUK Wrote:  I'm wondering if she and me are just stressed from this last month we've had. A lot of outside problems I don't want to get into while spending pretty much every waking second together.

I mention that to her this morning but she's STILL pissed off today. So it s probably not worth pursuing.

I also remember other arguments with her lasting a day or two over stupid shit. And ive seen how she fights with her mother, who seems like a very kind hearted and generous woman.

You cannot make a woman happy.

Re-read that.

If she's unhappy about other shit in her life that she can't control - and she is - she'll direct the drama at you over the most trivial things simply because you're there. If her father is dying of a terminal disease, screaming at you for leaving whiskers in the sink or looking at her funny when she talks about it for three hours is the closest she can get to curing it. Worse, the more you try to play the hero and solve her external problems, the more it will be your fault that they were solved inadequately or too slowly. You will not resolve this by catering to her, she'll just become more controlling and disrespectful.

She has to learn to get rid of the frustration or take the frustration elsewhere, which is only possible if she has a life outside of you. If she doesn't want to redirect it, withdraw your attention and show her she's blowing up the relationship.

Post: #42

Relevant jariel quote:

"The best time to get the fuck out is as soon as you realize you've been together for a long time, yet you're still thinking about getting the fuck out."

Context was /thread-48028.html -- about how the girl being Good or Sweet isn't relevant if she isn't Right for you. Interesting discussion about pity -- I can recognize it in myself in various relationships. The first time I read that thread (a while back) I kept equating the "not right for you" with "not good"... now I see a little more nuance there.

Also I see a potential to misinterpret that quote as "if there's any doubt, there's no doubt". I think there's some more subtlety -- he's talking about when you are at that first crossroads of "things aren't good But we've been together for a long time" and it hasn't even been that long, and clearly you don't see a future.

"Pity" can develop for girlfriend, who doesn't "deserve" the "fallout" from our wanting to "get the fuck out".

But breaking it down, pity may be a convenient stand-in to help a guy delay the inevitable, framing him as a benevolent doctor, justified in telling some white-lies bedside during a house call to calm his patient down. Meanwhile we're the ones vulnerable to fall ill with indecision or fear of scarcity while generally she'll have a quick path back to abundance.

We don't want to "waste her time" (her best years), but why waste OUR time (these precious months Right Now!) if we need out?

Now is always the most high-leverage time we own.

Post: #43

(08-11-2017 08:13 PM)TooFineAPoint Wrote:  

(08-11-2017 03:10 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  I'm going through this right now too.

At the moment, she's packing her bags and not talking to me.

Last night I had a big argument with her over something stupid. That has happened many times the last month, we've had a lot of stress from outside the relationship and now we've been yelling at each other and then making up with each other. However the last couple times it happened, I decided if this happens again, it's over. This time I don't feel that bad because I've already been through it already recently.

...

Today I realise, that's a stupid reason to break up with someone. However the thing that's really bothering is this yelling and arguing, she's out of control sometimes. I have tried everything: ignoring it, leaving the house, getting angry back, talking about it but I can't get it to stop

Proverbs 25:24: "It's better to live in a corner on the roof than in a house with a contentious woman."

The biggest complaint of my unhappily married friends (and I, when I was married) is a contentious wife.

My happily married friends (and I, now, with my much younger girlfriend) have arranged the opposite life, just so:

1. Choose a woman whose personality is not predisposed to contention.
2. Husband's frame does not allow for excessive contention.
3. The structure of her lifestyle (children, community, husband's friends, comfortable home life) minimizes reasons for contention.

The pussy of a 6-9 doesn't feel that different in the seconds leading up to orgasm. But the other 23.9 hours of the day are vastly different between a chick that puts/keeps a smile on your face, vs one that piles on stress and drama no matter what you do.

If you get deep into meditation and spiritual pathways you'll learn about "storms".. As long as you and said partner are wise you will know that the PERSON ACROSS is not the cause of the STORM but the MIND INSIDE is.
Meditate, calm the storm and approach with a calm, clear mind and heart full of wisdom & love.

But, if the person chooses "Drama" over their own "inner peace" they will bring "drama" into your "inner peace". I've started choosing my PEACE over all else.

I try and stay calm and remind them (man or woman) that it is not THEM that's upset, their MIND (a component e.g. My body, My hand, My mind..my thoughts) is not THEM; and its that MIND is just "stirred up" like water.. Calm the water and you can see clearly.. Muddy it.. and you cant.

This is the way I am going to live or try to.. Those that cannot come along.. well..

Inner Joy & enthusiasm/ bliss come from within when we have a Calm settled mind..

This is gonna be hard "barrier" to maintain.. forget LTRs, even for STRs/ dates / other people/ friends..

(08-12-2017 11:41 AM)RedPillUK Wrote:  Wow. There is a lot of wisdom about women in the bible.

I'm wondering if she and me are just stressed from this last month we've had. A lot of outside problems I don't want to get into while spending pretty much every waking second together.

I mention that to her this morning but she's STILL pissed off today. So it s probably not worth pursuing.

I also remember other arguments with her lasting a day or two over stupid shit. And ive seen how she fights with her mother, who seems like a very kind hearted and generous woman.

So no 1. maybe im just dealing with a contentious woman here who will not change.

2. I've worked hard on keeping a solid frame but probably failed. Hard work when you live together to be on your guard all the time.

3. Unfortunately the structure of her lifestyle is not helping and encouraging contention and confrontation. 

When the mind is not Calm, stupid prevails.. both ought to calm their system.. mind and then come from a higher space.. not the lower chatter.. A women or a mind thats contentious will be always destructive due to the chatter.. unless she realizes that chatter is NOT HER.. its the MIND..

(08-12-2017 12:53 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

(08-12-2017 11:41 AM)RedPillUK Wrote:  I'm wondering if she and me are just stressed from this last month we've had. A lot of outside problems I don't want to get into while spending pretty much every waking second together.

I mention that to her this morning but she's STILL pissed off today. So it s probably not worth pursuing.

I also remember other arguments with her lasting a day or two over stupid shit. And ive seen how she fights with her mother, who seems like a very kind hearted and generous woman.

You cannot make a woman happy.

Re-read that.

If she's unhappy about other shit in her life that she can't control - and she is - she'll direct the drama at you over the most trivial things simply because you're there. If her father is dying of a terminal disease, screaming at you for leaving whiskers in the sink or looking at her funny when she talks about it for three hours is the closest she can get to curing it.

Worse, the more you try to play the hero and solve her external problems, the more it will be your fault that they were solved inadequately or too slowly. You will not resolve this by catering to her, she'll just become more controlling and disrespectful.

She has to [b]learn to get rid of the frustration or take the frustration elsewhere, which is only possible if she has a life outside of you.[b] If she doesn't want to redirect it, withdraw your attention and show her she's blowing up the relationship.

Problem with good people (like me) is the Savior Syndrome.
Cannot save anyone that does not want to be saved. - God Helps those who help themselves .. meaning they cant be helped (even with you as a messenger/ helper/ angel) unless..
Cannot bring out of the mud/ ditch someone who wants to play in the mud or remain in the ditch
Love > Educate > Ignore | DO NOT SELF-SACRIFICE + DO NOT LOSE YOUR PEACE..

You cannot make anyone happy. Happiness, Peace & Contentment is our own INNER "function". We have to take care of it, the holes wont be filled by OTHERS.

Post: #44

I'll revive this thread with a personal anecdote.

I just broke off a 2+ year relationship completely because of my desire to be alone and build a company. I had absolutely no complaints about the girl, and she had a lot of what I would look for in the mother of my child, caring, good looking, sweet, not a party girl, likes kids etc. I was away for a week, and I didn't really feel like I missed her though, she came to pick me up from the airport, and I just didn't really care, and that's when I knew it was time.

I also just felt a lack of inspiration being in a relationship, I feel that to really be building myself and my vision, I need to be on my own, because there is much less comfort. 3 days after breaking up and I have already got more done than in the past month. That's saying a lot.

You also have to realize that out of fairness to her, if you are not invested in the relationship, it's better off for you both to end it. I held a vast amount of power over her (I cared less) but to be honest, I felt more guilty keeping her strung along than to try to pretend like I was going to marry her or something. I know I have hurt her in ending things, but what is worse: ending things now, or being in a relationship in which she will end up lonely because I'm married to my business and ways? She is early 20's, and I didn't want to take any more of her fertile years away from someone that would actually marry and have a family with her.

Even though I feel bad about it, I know that I did the right thing, because I want her to be truly happy at the end of the day, and I did this with no ill intent in my heart whatsoever. Sometimes people are good together, but they aren't great together. I felt like I wouldve been settling, and I would loathe myself if I did.

Post: #45

Thanks, TheFinalEpic. There is a lot of wisdom on this thread. I'll have to re-read it.

Post: #46

TheFinalEpic, spot on.

Silly question: after doing the Right Thing break-up to focus on yourself, do you ever sit there in newfound freedom and immediately feel UNINSPIRED to do all of the stuff you imagined doing when inching towards the breakup?

(If you are generally productive, this would just be a temporary phase.)

I've had moments like that in the past. Still have to persevere and keep climbing upwards.


Edit to add an analogy: this is like someone busting ass at an office job so they can retire early, because they want to be a writer -- yet when they finally retire, they have no creative juices for the writing. Maybe the "writing" wasn't really what they wanted. Anyway that's a far more cynical analogy than the actual situation we are discussing, but I always notice those flashes. Probably a way of coping with a breakup.

Post: #47

I'll just give you my personal experience, and I mean it's only been a week so far so who knows. But, while single, I feel like I have to work to prove my worth in this world, I go to the gym 6 days a week without fail, I can work 10 hour days like they're nothing.

While in a relationship, if the girl isn't pushing for similar things (ie. inspirational to me) I fall off very easily.

I just seem to be this way, not saying that everyone is, but I know my self enough now that this has always been true.

Post: #48

I'll update my experience since its been a couple months.

I've been making ridiculous strides with my startup, we're now a team of 8. It was only me and my partner when I broke up with the girl. I feel awesome, have been hitting the gym nearly everyday, and have a couple girls that are vying for my attention, I just don't care, I'm too busy.

She seems to be doing well and the anecdote that you are not destroying her life rings true for me as well; no more than a month passed and she found a new guy that seems to make her happy. I'm glad for her, I hold no resentment whatsoever, as this was really my end goal in breaking it off: that I knew I wasn't going to make her happy, so I'm satisfied that she is happy (or at least claims to be).

However, there was some shit talking about me from her via Twitter, and that seems to have made my decision a good one; I have seen her underlying character, and I'm glad I wasn't in it for the long haul. Referring to me as a "douchebag", that I "didn't care and never complimented her" etc. I was hoping that she would just leave it as it lay. I don't really care, but it was a confirmation for me.