RE: Why Hasn't Game Worked?
Alright, thanks for all the replies guys. I'm gonna do my best to address the topics that you brought up. In no particular order...
Finding my personal style of game
My style is definitely more direct. I really don’t like indirect – I cringe every time I have to make up something that didn’t happen, or talk about X while I’m really thinking of Y. One of the aspects of confidence is being able to come through an interaction thinking “I lived up to my principles and was true to myself.” As long as I come out of it with that, the rejection doesn’t bother me.
The Filipina girl who I slept with
The one time I slept with a girl who wasn’t a prostitute, I was too tired to actually fuck. I should have said the more accurate term, “I slept with her.” I’m sure I’ll get plenty of flack from some of you, saying that I should have taken a Redbull or a Viagra or who-knows-what. But basically, I was exhausted after a day of traveling and taking public transportation around Manila, and for those of you who have been to third-world countries (and I’m talking serious third-world, not your fancy-ass Latin American barrios), you know that just being in some of those enormous, polluted, noisy cities can drain your energy really fast if you’re not used to it. That’s what happened. I was so tired I just plopped down on the bed. My head was spinning and I could barely keep my eyes open. She gave me a BJ, we made out some, and I fell asleep. Perhaps a real man would have doused himself with a bucket of cold water, done a line of coke, and purposely stuck his fingers in an electric outlet. Hindsight is 20/20.
Creepiness
Perhaps there’s some validity to that, but I wouldn’t use the word “creepy” – I would use the word “unusual.” I’m definitely unusual, no doubt about it.
Creepy is when a person has no empathy, no ability to put himself in the position of the other person to know what the other person is feeling. Creepy people don’t notice (or care) about the effects their behavior is having on others.
An unusual person is someone who doesn’t fit into any recognizable roles. That’s me. I’m very aware of the person’s emotional state who I’m talking to, and I care about making sure the vibes I put out are positive.
But a lot of people tend to conflate the two. This is especially common among the cookie-cutter/blue-pill/in-the-matrix/9-to-5 type people, and so I’ve tried to overcome it by hanging out with more alternative/open-minded/hippy/unconventional crowds. The problem with those crowds, however, is that they often have their own equally rigid standards, and demand just as much conformity as the “mainstream” crowd – just to a different set of rules. And they tend to be militant feminists who treat penis-carriers as a lower caste.
On Not Needing Women to be Happy
Yep, heard this many times. The guys who say this are usually the ones who get pussy. Of COURSE it’s not a big deal. Something is never a big deal until it’s missing.
I admit I haven’t ever really grasped this concept. I can’t even wrap my head around how a person could be happy without at least some level of intimacy with the opposite sex. I’m not saying such a lifestyle doesn’t exist – I’m just saying that I can’t conceive of it. It’s not in my reality at the moment. I don’t want to sound too emo, but living a life without girls is fucking PAINFUL. I walk around with fucking pain all over my body. It’s not localized in any particular place – it’s just my whole fucking body, in a default state of pain. It feels like all of my muscles are made of sandpaper, and whenever I move, it’s sandpaper grating on sandpaper. The only time it goes away is when an attractive, feminine girl comes within a few feet of me. Then the pain turns into an exquisite sense of relief, like a wave washing over me, turning the sandpaper into smooth, wet, well-oiled parts that glide over eachother with ease. And when the girl walks away, it’s back to pain again. Nothing I do makes it go away – not yoga, not hiking, not jogging, not working, not working out – no matter what I do, my body just hurts all over, from the time I wake up to the time I go back to bed, and the most I can do is distract myself from it by doing activities that take me OUT of my body, away from the physical, and into my intellect (and hence the reason why I overthink so much!) The only way to actually alleviate the pain, and not just distract myself from it, is to be with a girl. Is this normal? Am I the only one who deals with this? Is it totally unheard of? Does anyone else know what I’m talking about, or am I like another fucking species or something?
I’d actually like to know. I’m not here to ruin your day with emo talk – I’m just telling the symptoms so I can get a diagnosis. Is this condition “found in the literature”?
Distant Light’s post
This is some really good stuff. I like how you’re reframing it as ME giving HER the opportunity to kiss and be sexual and mess around. That’s a nice twist. Usually I’m going around thinking if only I had the opportunity to be with her – and you’re coming from a reality in which I’m actually holding BACK my sexuality and love from her, and all I have to do is ALLOW HER to do what she already wants to do. So basically, she wants to do it with me, but I’m not letting her. Wow. I want more of that!
I’d like to expand on “giving women an experience.” I’m pretty sure I don’t do that. I leave an impression – but it’s usually an intellectual one, a la “wow that was fascinating”, rather than a sensual one that they want to fantasize about later. I have no practice doing that. Where do I begin? What is the first skill to learn, for giving a woman a sensual experience? Is there something that I can go out and practice right now? I'm gonna be meeting EddieBee tonight at a bar. I'm sure there will be women, and I want to practice this on one or three.
On Bringing Value to the Table
I also am not quite sure what I can “offer” women. You mentioned (or somebody mentioned) that I talk about myself all the time – “I, I, I”, and don’t ever talk about what I’m “bringing” or “giving” to the people I’m interacting with. And that this might indicate narcissistic tendencies. I get where you’re coming from. I understand if it sounds like that. But actually, what’s going on inside me is I’m thinking “I wish I COULD bring something to this interaction… I wish I HAD something to give to these people.” It’s not a matter of being selfish or narcissistic – it’s a matter of just not knowing what I can offer them. That, and being in a state of starvation (real or perceived), and being stuck in a sort of "socio-sexual survival mode". I want to give, I want to make people happy. I want to improve lives. I think about it all the time – how to make our world a better place, how to alleviate human (and animal) suffering. But I’m wondering where my next “meal” is coming from. I’m wondering if I’m going to spend the next week alone. Or month alone. It’s scary, and although I try to get past it, it’s gotta be showing up in my demeanor. I’m sure girls can sense it. They’ve got to. They have Spidey senses for neediness. No matter how much I try to cover it up and hide it, there's probably some tell-tale sign that gives it away that I haven't had a sexual experience since my previous incarnation (and possibly longer if I was some kind of monk in that one).
And I actually know, deep down, that I would make a wonderful friend, and an amazing boyfriend/mate/husband/fuckbuddy/whatever, if only someone would just give me a damn CHANCE. I have enormous confidence in my good qualities – I just don’t have any confidence in other people’s ability (or willingness) to recognize them. And I don’t know WHY they’re not recognizing them… all I know is that they’re not.
Occasionally, MEN will notice that I’m a good person. This has happened with a few of you guys here, and I thank you for it. It does make a difference. But the hangup comes in showing this to WOMEN. For some reason, WOMEN can’t see it (either they can’t see it, or they ARE seeing it but I’m unable to see that they see it!).
Maybe it’s because women don’t care about whether a guy is a good person or not, and only care whether he can make their pussies wet immediately upon meeting. I think this certainly has a lot to do with it. Most girls in the major cities are like this. However, I’ve been out in the countryside. I’ve traveled to the south, and the west. I’ve been hanging out with Mormons – the most traditional, non-carousel-oriented subculture that still exists in western civilization that simultaneously allows its members to use electricity. And even there, it doesn’t appear that anyone wants to be my friend. They talk to me at church – just a “hello, how are you”, and maybe a brief conversation about this or that. But they don’t CALL me. They don’t want to HANG OUT with me, or DO anything together. At least that’s how I’m perceiving it – perhaps they are reaching out to me, but I’m not noticing? It’s a possibility. And if true, it would beg the question, “why am I not noticing?”, and “how do I start noticing?”
Distant Light’s Action Plan
This sounds like a good idea. I’ll put it into use the next time I’m out (which might be as soon as tomorrow night).
Tinder
I didn’t even know what Tinder was until a week ago, when I read that post on ROK about it. At the moment I don’t even have Facebook, which apparently is required to use it.
But nevertheless, my reasoning for being reluctant to get involved with it, is that it wouldn’t be the most productive use of my time. It only goes on looks – nothing else. When I’m showing up in person, I have my personality. Even on a regular online dating site, character can come across through writing. But on a ‘swipe left/swipe right’ system, looks is all there is. I’d rather spam girls on okcupid, because at least they can see something about me besides that im bald and short and don’t have stylish clothing.
Nevertheless, if the consensus among ya'll is that Tinder would actually be a prudent use of time, then I'll try it out.
Style
Which brings us to style. I just don’t even know where to begin with that. My fashion process consists of a repeating cycle that goes as follows:
1. Look at my wardrobe, feel awkward and uncomfortable about every item in it
2. Go to the mall to shop for new clothes.
3. See something that (I think at the time) looks good, buy it and a few other things
4. The new item gets worn one time, and I feel uncomfortable in it
5. I don’t wear it again, and it sits in the wardrobe untouched for months
6. I can’t stand to look at it anymore, so I give it away to a clothing donation center
7. Repeat step 1
Often times I’ll read men’s fashion websites or magazines if I see one laying around. And I can’t understand what’s in it – to me it’s like reading an alien language. The only things I glean from it are names of brands and stores to go to – but once I GET to those stores or brand racks, I have no idea which items will look good on myself. Sometimes I’ll take a shot in the dark, and buy one. And then the cycle repeats in the way described above.
So, after a period of simplification in my life, I now go with simple jeans and t-shirts. That’s what I wear all the time. I might wear my one remaining collared shirt when I go to church, but other than that, it’s just jeans and t-shirts.
Roosh –
When all is said and done, you’re probably right – my problems might be too complex and intertwined to unravel in the context of the average American dating scene. It might just not have the setup that I need. What I need is a girlfriend, as paradoxical as that sounds. A girl to just fucking sit there with me and let me explore, like I’m 13 and just hitting puberty. I need to get those developmental neural connections that I missed. The girlfriend experience? I just looked it up - didn't even know that was a thing! Maybe that's the way. I'd definitely be able to afford it in Asia.
If that's the only way, fuck it. Call me Chong.
(This post was last modified: 06-06-2014 03:14 PM by thegreenman.)
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