Seems about 70% of the time, I get a promising lead on OKC with an engaging chat and getting a #, then they go ghost and I check back on OKC to see if they're online and they had deleted their account.

(01-26-2016 10:50 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Seems about 70% of the time, I get a promising lead on OKC with an engaging chat and getting a #, then they go ghost and I check back on OKC to see if they're online and they had deleted their account.

7 of the last 15 girls I've talked to on OKCupid have deleted their account, many of them pre-Christmas probably got back with their old boyfriends for the holidays. Women are predictable.

I was talking about this month alone. After the holidays. I think they were just farming leads and then they bail as soon as they find one.

(01-19-2016 12:49 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Sadly, it seems like more chicks are openly running "I AM A BIG SHOT" game online and straight up telling dudes they're being booked in like my dentist. And unfortunately, I'm sure there are plenty who will take them up on it.

This is so true. I actually fell for it once, but now that you point it out, I won't again.

(01-25-2016 06:18 PM)VforVlad Wrote:  <snip insane rant>

According to her cupid answers, she is still a Virgin

histrionic/borderline/some variety of cluster B if I ever saw one. As I mentioned in another thread sometimes they're hard to identify, and sometimes...not. The weird thing is - almost every really fucked up woman I've ever encountered who posts shit online does that THING where they capitalize random WORDS because it would be the words they'd be SCREAMING at you in their PSYCHOTIC FIT if she had you in front of her. It's really uncanny. I always consider that a huge red flag.

They were messed up going in, and the dynamic of online dating breaks them even more.

Imagine what she's like in person.

I take all of my internet dates to a really nice wine bar in the city, it's a place none of them have ever heard of and are always impressed by my choice. Had about four dates with this blonde minx about a month or two ago and on the first date I took her to my usual spot. She had never been there before and loved it.

Fast forward to tonight and was on a first date at this particular bar. Guess who was there! The chick from a few months back! With some new dude!

These fucking chicks are co-opting my spot!!

I couldn't believe it. She never spoke to me but must have seen me. I avoided eye contact. She was laughing at everything her date said, which I thought was attention-seeking. There was only four people in the joint. Us and them.

Fuck me!

Helpful way to check out an online chick once you get her number is to look up that number on facebook. This usually filters out SIFs as they often have enough facebook pics to expose themselves. 90% of the time I find their profile, and the other 10% of the time it ends up being a dude named Steve

(01-26-2016 10:39 PM)Balkan Wrote:  Helpful way to check out an online chick once you get her number is to look up that number on facebook. This usually filters out SIFs as they often have enough facebook pics to expose themselves. 90% of the time I find their profile, and the other 10% of the time it ends up being a dude named Steve

I didn't even know that was possible - I'm not hip with the social media technology...

(01-26-2016 07:05 PM)griffinmill Wrote:  Fast forward to tonight and was on a first date at this particular bar. Guess who was there! The chick from a few months back! With some new dude!

These fucking chicks are co-opting my spot!!

You should have gone over and introduced yourself. "Hello sir! May I make you aware that your online dime is in fact a habitual and incorrigible serial-dater? Who also suffers from a lack of creativity?"

Over the summer I often took online dates to the same park near a coffee shop/snack bar that I like. I probably had four or five sloppy makeouts on the same bench, sitting in the exact same spot.

It's a pretty nice area; it would have been hilarious if I saw one of them there with another dude...

(01-26-2016 10:57 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(01-26-2016 10:39 PM)Balkan Wrote:  Helpful way to check out an online chick once you get her number is to look up that number on facebook. This usually filters out SIFs as they often have enough facebook pics to expose themselves. 90% of the time I find their profile, and the other 10% of the time it ends up being a dude named Steve

I didn't even know that was possible - I'm not hip with the social media technology...

Yeah it's pretty straightforward. Search the phone number in the facebook search bar and the affiliated profile will appear. Once again, 90% of chicks are easily found as you need a legit facebook page to connect with most dating apps.

(01-25-2016 06:18 PM)VforVlad Wrote:  

Actually I pretty much agree with everything she wrote. The fact that she hates online dating and is still a virgin... 9/10 would wife except...

...the reality is that she's doing online dating because she's exactly as bitchy in real life as she is online. We just haven't gone far enough into the Matrix that they've totally figured out how to entirely replace meatspace with cyberspace.

All chicks like to work hard and play hard while they live life to the fullest. They're all adventurous and you know this because they have a picture of themselves doing a headstand on the beach in their Lululemons and another of them with Machu Picchu in the background, so shit, she's got a PASSPORT at least, that counts, right? And if it's not yoga, she's got a picture of her doing Crossfuckingfit, or of her crawling through the electrical pit at the Tough Mudder/Spartan Race or Warrior Dash for the fitness dilettantes. Every goddamn one of them is independent and successful, fluent in sarcasm, a little sassy and knows how to treat a man, but only if he knows how to treat a lady. You know, how to treat a lady... she likes to be spoiled a little bit, especially if she's in her 40s.

Not a damn bit of it will stand up to the harsh light of day in the hipster coffee joint of your choice - yes it's your choice, you're the man so you have to plan the date, stupid.

(01-27-2016 12:18 PM)RockHard Wrote:  All chicks like to work hard and play hard while they live life to the fullest. They're all adventurous and you know this because they have a picture of themselves doing a headstand on the beach in their Lululemons and another of them with Machu Picchu in the background, so shit, she's got a PASSPORT at least, that counts, right? And if it's not yoga, she's got a picture of her doing Crossfuckingfit, or of her crawling through the electrical pit at the Tough Mudder/Spartan Race or Warrior Dash for the fitness dilettantes. Every goddamn one of them is independent and successful, fluent in sarcasm, a little sassy and knows how to treat a man, but only if he knows how to treat a lady. You know, how to treat a lady... she likes to be spoiled a little bit, especially if she's in her 40s.

...and if you can't handle her at her worst, you don't deserve her at her best.

(01-27-2016 12:47 PM)griffinmill Wrote:  ...and if you can't handle her at her worst, you don't deserve her at her best.

Oh, how I love that saying. It's a male shaming tactic, female SMV elevation tactic, and a girl power horn toot all wrapped into one.

It's all bullshit, of course. Not falling for that one again.

(01-27-2016 12:18 PM)RockHard Wrote:  ...the reality is that she's doing online dating because she's exactly as bitchy in real life as she is online. We just haven't gone far enough into the Matrix that they've totally figured out how to entirely replace meatspace with cyberspace.

All chicks like to work hard and play hard while they live life to the fullest. They're all adventurous and you know this because they have a picture of themselves doing a headstand on the beach in their Lululemons and another of them with Machu Picchu in the background, so shit, she's got a PASSPORT at least, that counts, right? And if it's not yoga, she's got a picture of her doing Crossfuckingfit, or of her crawling through the electrical pit at the Tough Mudder/Spartan Race or Warrior Dash for the fitness dilettantes. Every goddamn one of them is independent and successful, fluent in sarcasm, a little sassy and knows how to treat a man, but only if he knows how to treat a lady. You know, how to treat a lady... she likes to be spoiled a little bit, especially if she's in her 40s.

Not a damn bit of it will stand up to the harsh light of day in the hipster coffee joint of your choice - yes it's your choice, you're the man so you have to plan the date, stupid.

Irritating exchange the other night with a girl near me after getting her # from the site (a process which took up a decent amount of both of our time over two days):

Me: "So I should be able to come see you end of this week"

Her: "That'd be great, looking forward to it!"

Me: "I'll be there Thursday night, then"

Her: "no I'm working evening hours then"

Me: "Okay, well I might be able to do Sat."

Her: "no I'm busy all day Saturday"

(and so on trying to make me figure out her schedule all myself)

Her: "hmm I guess end of this week isn't so good"

Then she ghosted

I know in theory, that after she balks at the first suggestion and doesn't provide an alternate, it's probably best to throw her on the back burner, but it's really hard not to want to pull something out given the time invested. Thirst likely killed me on this one...

(01-28-2016 08:32 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Irritating exchange the other night with a girl near me after getting her # from the site (a process which took up a decent amount of both of our time over two days):

Me: "So I should be able to come see you end of this week"

Her: "That'd be great, looking forward to it!"

Me: "I'll be there Thursday night, then"

Her: "no I'm working evening hours then"

Me: "Okay, well I might be able to do Sat."

Her: "no I'm busy all day Saturday"

(and so on trying to make me figure out her schedule all myself)

Her: "hmm I guess end of this week isn't so good"

Then she ghosted

I know in theory, that after she balks at the first suggestion and doesn't provide an alternate, it's probably best to throw her on the back burner, but it's really hard not to want to pull something out given the time invested. Thirst likely killed me on this one...

I always ask, "What's your schedule like this week? We can go out for a drink. Or add these /coffee/pools/bowling/etc". I stick to drinks though.

They give you a general idea of when they're free, works like a charm and it can be interjected after anything written before without sounding needy. Your post sounded a little needy and unsure. Another tip, don't spend days talking to these girls. I go for a maximum of 15 to 20 messages in a span of about 30mins. That's all thats needed, even less if your profile is optimised. My profile is literally a joke profile with nothing related to me in real life and I've had success with attractive women.

Have a chuckle at my profile, this profile got me a date or 2 every week for 2 months when I was single. Not one fatty. My weakness, didn't have my own place still lived with the parents.

(01-28-2016 09:18 AM)zombiejimmorrison Wrote:  I always ask, "What's your schedule like this week? We can go out for a drink. Or add these /coffee/pools/bowling/etc". I stick to drinks though.

They give you a general idea of when they're free, works like a charm and it can be interjected after anything written before without sounding needy. Your post sounded a little needy and unsure. Another tip, don't spend days talking to these girls. I go for a maximum of 15 to 20 messages in a span of about 30mins. That's all thats needed, even less if your profile is optimised. My profile is literally a joke profile with nothing related to me in real life and I've had success with attractive women.

My profile is mostly the same, but I do put in a small amount about my real-life work and interests. And there are a few more words, but not too many. Just enough to maybe show that I'm not a complete weirdo, but not enough to give away the farm.

It's a warning sign to me when a girl's profile is so long I have to hit the page down button for more than a couple seconds to get through it - narcissistic and self-absorbed. Don't even waste time with the girls who approach their profile like it's a college essay.

Same goes for if she's writing down detailed explanations to those "match" questions and editing them every couple of days. Nobody cares, seriously!

The main reason I like OKC as opposed to Tinder etc. is that you can tell a lot from a girl's profile and answers. Who's going to take a lot of time hitting up someone whose primary "negative" attributes are "less sex driven", "less trusting", "more aggressive", and so on? Yikes. Some women seem to think that men spend no time looking at a profile, but that's definitely not true. You can spot the hostility and crazy a mile away, and letting a crazy into your life as an older man who has at least a few things going for him is playing Russian Roulette. Even for a SNL.

On Tinder, well...do you feel lucky?

Another data point: almost every girl from the site I've had a good experience with has been smiling or laughing in her main photo. Frowny faces, bitchy resting faces, or "come hither" looks get no traction. And it also doesn't take an empath genius to spot the smiles that are because she's genuinely having fun, and the ones where it's clear she's desperately trying to temporarily modify her natural state of bitchy-ness. Keep that one in mind.

I definitely try not to let shit stretch over days, but sometimes I don't have a choice. Sometimes I fall asleep - these chicks all seem to want to text me at 1, 2, 3 am even on weeknights. What are these chicks doing? Don't they have jobs they gotta get to?

The basic conundrum of online dating (and why many women enjoy it so much) is the following: Men are primarily focused on the results of the process, while women derive much of their enjoyment from the process itself.

For women who do online dating, the entire process of selecting flattering pictures, writing about themselves, receiving and responding to messages, having their phone blow up and feel desired, complaining to each other about "creeps" making sexual comments and texting them unsolicited dick pics and the dumb things guys with no game say, making dates, flaking on dates, going on dates, ghosting, and making dates again, is immensely enjoyable. It's a worthy substitute for Netflix and a suitable distraction from their 9-5 grind and their otherwise often unremarkable lives. It's good entertainment.

Does a man get any enjoyment out of the "process" of online dating? Almost certainly not - we'd rather be doing just about anything than chatting with random internet girls about bullshit whom we're more often than not never going to meet. I'd rather get my taxes done.

So a chick who texts with you for two days and then ghosts on you prior to a date likely doesn't feel that her time was "wasted" in any sense. It provided good entertainment and validation for the period the engagement lasted, and that was value enough. The story is often the main subject of interest, not the ending. Which is why soap operas last for 27 seasons.

On another thread someone called women who make plans and flake to be "loser females." To an extent, I certainly agree. But women are what they are, and even if they end up bailing on you, they're always getting something out of it and you're not. So who's the real loser? Even women with a lot going for them and whose time is valuable will still enjoy this stuff occasionally - it's the way they come, as surely as with all I know about conflict resolution that I still want to bash someone's head in with a rock from time to time. The only real "winning" move is not to play, except that's not winning at all. Unfortunately there's no way around it, you have to lose to win. Nature has engineered things such that I think this is unavoidable.

I don't know that these are in any way "revolutionary" truths about women, but I think that's the mentality one should always keep in mind.

Yes I doubt any guy enjoys messaging 100 women on this thing and getting 5 replies back. Many women online are either attention whores or seeking a david beckham lookalike who would fuck them and validate their existence and would not even consider a 7 or an 8.

I only enjoy the process if it ends in a bang. The feeling of going out with a girl on a first date and you end up in your bedroom and she is having a screaming orgasm as you are there thinking that a mere two hours ago you were both chatting shit at the bar.

I've kind of got used to flaking and expect it, generally considering it as 50% probability which is why double booking is a must.

What still bothers me most to this day is ghosting. Certainly the woman does get her attention/validation for it. You get nothing in return. For the beginners out there it is still useful as it helps them with their text game, as you get more advanced these girls becomes a bigger waste of time.

Social media and online dating are all geared towards women, men (i.e. the average joe) are second class citizens as in modern society. Just look at the OKCupid recent redesign they made it look like Facebook so it's simpler for women to use. The worst is Bumble though, they took it to such extremes that they made it fucking useless.

Time can often also be more of an essence for a guy than for a girl (who would typically be younger than the guy, many less career oriented and view work life balance as the priority in life). Add to that that women can attract completely passively (no need to message 150 guys) and it's clear why men can view this whole thing as so frustrating.

As with general game abundance mentality is key. The more you have of that the less you give a shit about women's game and this whole process which you by then would have mastered many times over.

(01-28-2016 04:31 PM)Vincent Chase Wrote:  As with general game abundance mentality is key. The more you have of that the less you give a shit about women's game and this whole process which you by then would have mastered many times over.

True. I think it's a razor edge path to walk - if you push her too aggressively she'll think you're a needy clinger with no options, but if you're really lackadasical (like I was sometimes over the summer when I didn't know what I was doing) you're going to lose out on things you could have had had you been more aggressive.

It's hard to stay in the "abundance" mindset when you don't really have it, and slumming it out here in the 'burbs in the dead of winter, for me abundance definitely ain't there right now, compared to six months ago.

And I STILL need to get better pictures. If I were a woman I would've gotten this sorted ages ago, but again, as a man, it's a laborious, uninspiring, unpleasant process (in my 30s I don't really get much of a thrill out of looking at myself, though some women seem to like it well enough) and I just haven't had the time. No more spending time on the site for me after this weekend until I get that taken care of. If it increased my response rate even 15% I think it would be worth it.

(01-28-2016 04:57 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(01-28-2016 04:31 PM)Vincent Chase Wrote:  As with general game abundance mentality is key. The more you have of that the less you give a shit about women's game and this whole process which you by then would have mastered many times over.

It's hard to stay in the "abundance" mindset when you don't really have it, and slumming it out here in the 'burbs in the dead of winter, for me abundance definitely ain't there right now, compared to six months ago.

It's certainly hard to fake, say like faking a dollar bill, which is why women view it as so genuine and take those guys seriously. My whole game revolves around the abundance mentality. It is sad to say but I spit my best game when I'm in a relationship or have a couple of long term plates for this very reason. You can fake it but when you have other options and girls you can call on to see later in the night it makes you look completely natural.

Despite being fairly well off, having a solid job and having good life experiences I also end up on occasion back at square one where the aloofness is gone and the insecurities begin to appear. Usually more so after a breakup.

Overall, as per a business transaction, the quality of woman you can attract is the quality of woman you can walk away from.

(01-28-2016 10:12 AM)zombiejimmorrison Wrote:  Have a chuckle at my profile, this profile got me a date or 2 every week for 2 months when I was single. Not one fatty. My weakness, didn't have my own place still lived with the parents.

I'm going to borrow this, or make something similar, if that's cool with you. I'm terrible at writing my own profile. I can write one for a mate in about 5 minutes and have it be top notch, but have jack all for myself.

You aren't in Brisbane are you? Would be awkward if we had the same/similar profile.

(01-28-2016 04:12 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  The basic conundrum of online dating (and why many women enjoy it so much) is the following: Men are primarily focused on the results of the process, while women derive much of their enjoyment from the process itself.

For women who do online dating, the entire process of selecting flattering pictures, writing about themselves, receiving and responding to messages, having their phone blow up and feel desired, complaining to each other about "creeps" making sexual comments and texting them unsolicited dick pics and the dumb things guys with no game say, making dates, flaking on dates, going on dates, ghosting, and making dates again, is immensely enjoyable. It's a worthy substitute for Netflix and a suitable distraction from their 9-5 grind and their otherwise often unremarkable lives. It's good entertainment.

Does a man get any enjoyment out of the "process" of online dating? Almost certainly not - we'd rather be doing just about anything than chatting with random internet girls about bullshit whom we're more often than not never going to meet. I'd rather get my taxes done.

So a chick who texts with you for two days and then ghosts on you prior to a date likely doesn't feel that her time was "wasted" in any sense. It provided good entertainment and validation for the period the engagement lasted, and that was value enough. The story is often the main subject of interest, not the ending. Which is why soap operas last for 27 seasons.

On another thread someone called women who make plans and flake to be "loser females." To an extent, I certainly agree. But women are what they are, and even if they end up bailing on you, they're always getting something out of it and you're not. So who's the real loser? Even women with a lot going for them and whose time is valuable will still enjoy this stuff occasionally - it's the way they come, as surely as with all I know about conflict resolution that I still want to bash someone's head in with a rock from time to time. The only real "winning" move is not to play, except that's not winning at all. Unfortunately there's no way around it, you have to lose to win. Nature has engineered things such that I think this is unavoidable.

I don't know that these are in any way "revolutionary" truths about women, but I think that's the mentality one should always keep in mind.

I agree and disagree. When the game is rigged, playing the game is stupid.

OKC is largely a rigged game today. It's the fucked up dating environment on steroids; amplifying the worst aspects of the real life dating environment. Worse ratios and worse quality and a format that gives women additional leverage.

But OKC is just an extension of the real life dating market; which is rigged as well in the western world.

The only way to truly win is to change your real life environment.

I'm working my leads on online dating 2 weeks prior to valentine's day, you'd hope all the lonely girls will come out.

At the moment they aren't.

I've had some bangs but OKCupid has generally been abysmal for me in the past 3 months. It also barely has any hot girls left they all seem to be on Happn or SA and maybe some left on Tinder. They probably view it as less geeky and more fun to have it on their phone (their secret modern attention devices) and more of a little game thing for Happn and Tinder, while SA is for the status/money.

I asked one plate who I really should consider ditching (and I'm only keeping her so I can bang her sister) who is no more than a 6.5 about OKCupid when she was on it, she told me she gets a shitload of messages but chooses to ignore 98% of them. I asked her why, she said that she's not attracted to them. I just view it that she has options and it would take a fucking stunning looking guy with near perfect text game to get her excited on there.

It's completely fucking imbalanced.