Post: #26

(01-04-2014 01:20 AM)RioNomad Wrote:  Sorry about your mother. That's my biggest fear in life.

For the rest, all I can say is harden the fuck up and boot that bitch. You're too young for s LTR anyways. Take it from someone who had a LTR from 20-26. Dont do it.

Perhaps my largest mistake to date. I got into an LTR roughly 3 months after my mother passed away.


The happiness of a new LTR masked some of the pain of my moms death. Essentially, pain I have yet to experience/get over.

Honestly, if I could redo the past year, I would...

Things are so shitty right now, but what am I gonna do? Gotta just muscle through all this shit.

Post: #27

Why do you have to put yourself through more shit after going through some bad shit?

Get rid of the girl, and don't give it a second thought. She WILL try to pull some emotional stunt (crying, threatening suicide, anger, violence, etc.) but that is just so you will come back to be her slave some more. It's all a light show to keep you coming back like a moth to a flame.

Are you dependent on her for a place to live or something? What is actually making you stay with her? I'm not asking what emotions are keeping you there.

Post: #28

You probably lost your focus and didn't react when she started crossing your boundaries which gave her permission to turn into this monster. It's very typical.

Remember that any time your girl misbehaves or disrespects you and you do not confront her decisively and immediately you unintentionally set a new standard of relating to each other. She now knows she can treat you like that cause she's allowed to. That's how roles are set and pushed in relationships. It's our fault that our girls turn into such bitches with time.

That's what probably happened to you. Or she started cheating on you and gave that guy the best of her leaving her worst side to you. But I'm just guessing. Learn your lesson and move on.

Post: #29

How hard would it be to friendzone this chick?

Post: #30

(01-04-2014 01:23 PM)commiejoe Wrote:  How hard would it be to friendzone this chick?

Based upon all above, I don't think what this man needs is to try some half-cooked game to try and keep this woman anywhere near him. Doing so is transparent, because you're just doing it to be needy-- "Let's just be friends......wanna hang out later?"

Nah, he needs to Nuke this shit from orbit.

Honestly, Iron, what it comes down to is doing WHATEVER you can to save your dignity.
It won't be the 'right thing' because there is no right thing in this scenario. You WILL fuck up, somehow, somewhere. That's how breakups like this are. Own it. You own it by decided that enough is enough, all of this has crossed the line, and that no matter what, you are going to ______.

"No matter WHAT, I'm going to tell her off, and remind her that her sister came onto me that one time."
"No matter WHAT, I am going to maintain radio silence. I don't cae if she badmouths me, or tries to crawl back into my life, she is toxic."
"No matter WHAT, I'm not going to lose my cool, and I'm just going to pick up my shit and go."

You get the idea. But there HAS to be a bottom line, or you will revert, and not find the strength.

You've got two pages worth of posts pulling for you, man. And it doesn't seem like it right now, but there is something really oddly liberating about being completely torn up and broken up. It's just going to be YOU, and you are going to feel very alone, and you are going to have to work on yourself very hard for very long to get back to where you were, when you had enough game to get this chick. But, despite the pain and the long haul ahead, you will have your dignity.

Post: #31

Thank you guys, for all the support and advice. I did this all to myself, I let her become this evil wicked bitch.


Shit still hurts like hell. With the passing of my mom too, this stress is literally fucking killing me. Brain pain, weak muscle. I really don't know what to do.

Nothing is tying me down to this girl except rigid emotions.

I should've been cold after mom went, I mean, isn't that the one women who should always love you? Hell, even that got taken away from me. Should've learned right there and then, women come and go, no matter the form. I can't just shake off these emotions for this girl. She was damn near the sweetest thing.....over a year of my life wasted, on fuck nothing.

idk wtf to do, this shit hurts, badly. The circumstances.

Ive learned my lesson, never again....

Post: #32

Hey man, don't be so stressed. How old are you?

Post: #33

(01-05-2014 12:37 AM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Hey man, don't be so stressed. How old are you?

too young for this, 20.

Post: #34

Understand that you have your whole life ahead of you.

You aren't trapped in anything -- you are free to do whatever you want.

Don't think of yourself as trapped, because it's not true. It's just an idea in your mind which you can let go of.

Let yourself feel the sadness about your mother and about how it went with this girl. Let yourself feel it completely.

Then exhale and understand that all your life is ahead. There were good times early with this girl but it didn't work out.

It doesn't matter why or what you did wrong or whatever. Just let it go.

Then get on with the rest of your life.

Post: #35

What region are you in? @ironbound
Hang out with someone near you from the forums.

Post: #36

(01-05-2014 12:48 AM)Ironbound Wrote:  too young for this, 20.

Hey man, I hope you take in the words of the guys here. A lot of these fellas have wisdom simply out of the years they've lived ahead of you. Some of us have even experienced the same kind of pain. But it is through that pain that we learn. Take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. You are in a relationship that makes you unhappy... it is not self-serving to pursue your own happiness, it is self-caring. On the most basic level, it is essential to your survival.

A good friend of mine, a fraternity brother, used a very effective tactic for breaking up with his ex. He flew to Brazil for a month.

When you decide to end it, take it from my experience to rid yourself of anything that reminds you of her. Out of sight, out of mind. Then go out with a couple of bros. Keep yourself busy through work, gym or anything that improves your health, wealth and happiness. Makes things a lot easier, believe it.

Lastly, whether you admit it or not, things are already going to play out a certain way (Read: Not in your favor) unless you do something.

Alea iacta est.

Post: #37

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  I'm going to try and illustrate this as best as I possibly can. I have no where else to turn to. I'm losing my mind every day.


A little over a year ago, my mother passed away due to cancer, so I was already battling demons, so to speak. Around a little time after all this, I met this girl. At first, she was stunning. Absolutely nice, sweet, loving, and most importantly, innocent. In every sense of the word. She was 19 at the time, me 20. We met through a mutual friend, and hit it off. I was in love, you could say. She was a Muslim convert, european in origin. She seemed like a real charming, classy lady.


For about a year, the relationship was fine. I was her first (took her virginity) and happiness seemed abound. Problems began to develop. She rarely if ever wanted to sleep with me, citing religion as a reason, and wanting to keep things pure until marriage. I don't know how much I can believe this, though. My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children. This innocent, sweet girl developed an attitude unlike any other. She had become extremely grumpy, mean, and bitchy on a daily basis. Little fights would turn into huge arguements, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and saddness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity. No matter how much I tried to sit down, think, and reason, I just cannot figure out how I am the cause of every fight/problem. She'll fight nonstop, no matter how much I beg her to just relax and let things go. I'll apologize nonstop, and she will not nudge.


I've deduced that it isn't another man in the picture, but I just cant figure out how this sweet girl turned out to be so evil, rude and bitchy. What sucks more is that I am emotionally trapped to this girl. I really cant take her shit/ stress anymore, but I dont want to lose her....Idk wtf to do guys.


I should've never gotten into a LTR. Never again.

A red pill forum for married/LTR people is http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/

The community is pretty helpful - even if you don't want to stick around. The advice is pro LTR/Marriage, so it will be from a different angle than around here.

The guy who runs the sight, Athol Kay, has great advice for married man game. He has two books that I think you could find useful as well.

http://marriedmansexlife.com/

It does translate pretty well into LTR game, but not completely depending on your circumstances.

That said, chances are you're not building attraction in the long term sense that women want - security.

Post: #38

(01-04-2014 02:06 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Good little article. I don't agree with on the "she'll have forgotten you in days if she's attractive" part though. Vast oversimplification. Some women do get pretty sprung and heartbroken.

You're right, of course, but I question how much of that is really heart-rending and how much is just self-reinforcing emotional theater, wallowing in feelings. A "heartbroken" woman who is back in the game and smiling proudly a week or two later makes me wonder how deep the wound really was or if it was just the "feeling of the week."

I tend to be an emotional guy and take things pretty intensely (and pretty hard if negative), so maybe I'm just feeding my ego saying that nobody's emotions are as real as my own.

Post: #39

" I should've never gotten into a LTR. Never again."

I understand and empathize with your being upset, but I don't think swearing off LTRs is a reasonable response at your age. You should deal with getting rid of this girl before you start generalizing the experience to become life rules. You have your whole adult life ahead of you, don't think that a bad experience has you destined for further failure.

I do think you might want to just put women on the backburner for a couple of years - losing a parent is extremely difficult, losing a parent at your age doubly so. I hate to sound like a broken record vis a vis the rest of the advice on the forum, but I think you'd benefit from (a) a consistent workout routine if you aren't already doing that along with other health focused moves, (b) lots of time with friends who can either help you deal with your pain or distract you from it, © reading some philosophy, or some other stoic/meditative activity to help get your mind centered, (d) control your alcohol/drug consumption so it doesn't threaten your health or psyche.

I'm not an analrapist but I would guess the girl issues are secondary to (IOW an outgrowth of) issues around your mother's death, so you'll eventually want to get serious about addressing that when the time is right before you put pressure on yourself to make another LTR work.

Good luck man, we're all pulling for you.

Post: #40

(01-05-2014 12:17 AM)Ironbound Wrote:  Thank you guys, for all the support and advice. I did this all to myself, I let her become this evil wicked bitch.

Don't blame yourself too much. Wrong shit at the bad time.

You lost your mother, and your sense of security was shattered. This girl came along before you had time to healthily-process your mother's grief, and it's likely you latched onto her as a substitute for the security and unconditional love you'd lost, and were far too needy and vulnerable as a result, which is why she was turned off. Since a mourned object risks becoming idealised, she would never be capable of supplying the level of security you're imagining existed with your mother alive.

Now the looming breakup means facing another reminder of loss and the transitory nature of life. Of course it'll be hard.

Quote:Shit still hurts like hell. With the passing of my mom too, this stress is literally fucking killing me. Brain pain, weak muscle. I really don't know what to do.

You're transitioning between child and man. This loss will forge greater resilience in you, and force you into adulthood. In time, you will realise that you are able to quietly bear the burden of grief on your shoulders without it causing you to stumble. You will have a greater knowledge of your own strength, and be more confident that you can face the challenges ahead of you, knowing that you didn't fall. This translates into gravitas, low-reactivity and deep emotional strength, all of which women find hugely-attractive in men, as it gives them permission to be the weak one, knowing they strong arms to fall into.

I'm not talking shit IB. I've been through this.

I remember being 16, and watching my mother bury my grandmother, and be stoic and strong throughout the entire process -she was a tough woman - only to finally break down after everyone had left after the wake.

She reverted to a child, sobbing into my chest, repeatedly-saying 'My mummy's dead'. I was struck that I was now the adult, and that being a man instead of a boy allowed others to rely on you when their strength fails. It reinforced my masculinity.

Years later, my mother was diagnosed with her own cancer, and started a seven year battle against it. The family reacted in different ways: her brother withdrew and she never saw him again; my sister buried her head in the sand; my stepfather refused to recognise the seriousness of the situation and said things would get better.

That left me to care for her and support her to get to her destination, watching her wither and weaken and atrophy with each step of the journey, yet somehow staying positive, both of us being unable to stop the inevitable. I barely recognised her by the end. Neither of us gave into despair, and eventually found peace in recognising the natural cycle of life.

Towards the end, she thanked me for the support, and said that she knew I was strong enough to bear that burden, and was proud of raising me to be that kind of man. She quietly went into a coma on Christmas Eve, and died in her own home on January 5th, 2010.

I shit you not. Four years ago yesterday, and I completely forgot. I had a great Christmas, because I allow myself to still be happy, despite the bad association.



I completely forgot. Do you see how a person accepts what they can't change, moves on, and can be happy again regardless of loss, without it consuming their very existence?

For you own sake, see a grief counsellor. There's no shame in seeing someone to guide you through this process, and they can offer real world support that's beyond a message board.

Quote:I should've been cold after mom went, I mean, isn't that the one women who should always love you? Hell, even that got taken away from me. Should've learned right there and then, women come and go, no matter the form.

Now you understand the reality of loss. Life is transitory. Keep moving forward, and don't waste time on destructive, distractionary activities when you could be achieving your goals. The past is the past. Mourn her, be greatful for the love you shared, don't obsess over her, let her go. Am I talking about your Mother or your Girlfriend?

Both.

Don't shut off your emotions. Realising you have the capacity to still deeply love another person, with the knowledge that you are strong enough to bear their inevitable loss, is true strength. Don't shut down your feelings and isolate yourself out of fear of being hurt again. Just understand that your emotions have to be carefully-moderated in the presence of women if you want to retain their attraction to you.

Trust me, this will becoming easier as you mature and grow. I'm fucking unflappable now.

Post: #41

Bosch:

Quote:I remember being 16, and watching my mother bury my grandmother, and be stoic and strong throughout the entire process -she was a tough woman - only to finally break down after everyone had left after the wake.
She reverted to a child, sobbing into my chest, repeatedly-saying 'My mummy's dead'. I was struck that I was now the adult, and that being a man instead of a boy allowed others to rely on you when their strength fails. It reinforced my masculinity.

I've been through something quite similar, and in reflecting, came across this notion: Men don't grieve until their women are done grieving.
Maybe there's an evo-psych angle to this.

IB:

Quote:"I should've never gotten into a LTR. Never again."

Don't let yourself become bitter and rule it out. If anything, this strengthens your standards regarding the women you will see in the future, and what you will tolerate from them.

Ditch the woman, or at least put some distance and time between yourselves.
Your mother wouldn't want you to be this miserable, would she?

("What Would Mom Say?" -- never thought i'd entertain that thought. )

If anything, just know there's always someone out there who has it worse.

Good luck.

Post: #42

(01-03-2014 07:30 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  I know all of this, I really do. I'm just attached to this women in an unhealthy way, I need to break this shit.

She used to be so nice, so sweet, wanting to be sexual with me. These days I'll be lucky to get a kiss from this demented women. I really cannot understand her.....

Man, let me tell you - it will not get better. In dating, the early days are as good as it gets. She's trying to sell you on a relationship. After that the demands start, the ultimatums start. If you fall into the trap of putting up with her, you're setting a bad precedent. You haven't even put a ring on it and she's a bitch? Would you take abuse from a car salesman before you plunked down your cash?

I went through this exact situation (Christian girl who decided to quit putting out until marriage). The bad news is that I still married her. This situation is a gigantic flashing warning sign with sirens and red flags flying Worst case, she's telling the truth and she hates sex, so you're signing up for a lifetime of bad sex. Best case, this is a power play, and she's using sex to manipulate you. Either way, it's not good, and she's shown her colors - there is no upside here.

Ironbound Wrote:I'll apologize nonstop, and she will not nudge.

That's the problem! Don't fucking try to placate her! Go read Roissy, he covers this stuff in detail.

Listen, man, imagine I'm your future self 15 years from now. I'm going to tell you what I wish someone had told me - listen to everybody on this thread and GET THE FUCK OUT.

Post: #43

Thank you everyone, just thank you. Not gonna lie, a bit teary eyed typing this.

Things are just beyond difficult for me, you guys pushin' me to fix all this, I'll never forget it.

I miss my mom everyday of my life, she was red pill herself, warning me about the dark side of women, etc. Hah. I miss her. I'll never forget that day she departed, it was like dream, that whole day, blurry and scarred.

Funny thing is, I remember my uncle told me after she passed away, To let her role/space in life to die along with her. Essentially, do not fill her space up with another person/women. Boy was he right.

I never got the chance to feel the loneliness I was ment to feel. At least, not until now. Its a loneliness I have to muscle through. Mom, and everything about her, must die once and for all. I need to feel loneliness, appreciate it.

Thank god for the good men in my life, time to start up the gym again, and rebuild my fucking life. More than a year wasted on absolutely nothing that got me nowhere...
Thank you guys, every single one of you, for your words and wisdom.

Post: #44

(01-05-2014 07:41 PM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

(01-05-2014 12:17 AM)Ironbound Wrote:  Thank you guys, for all the support and advice. I did this all to myself, I let her become this evil wicked bitch.

Don't blame yourself too much. Wrong shit at the bad time.

You lost your mother, and your sense of security was shattered. This girl came along before you had time to healthily-process your mother's grief, and it's likely you latched onto her as a substitute for the security and unconditional love you'd lost, and were far too needy and vulnerable as a result, which is why she was turned off. Since a mourned object risks becoming idealised, she would never be capable of supplying the level of security you're imagining existed with your mother alive.

Now the looming breakup means facing another reminder of loss and the transitory nature of life. Of course it'll be hard.

Quote:Shit still hurts like hell. With the passing of my mom too, this stress is literally fucking killing me. Brain pain, weak muscle. I really don't know what to do.

You're transitioning between child and man. This loss will forge greater resilience in you, and force you into adulthood. In time, you will realise that you are able to quietly bear the burden of grief on your shoulders without it causing you to stumble. You will have a greater knowledge of your own strength, and be more confident that you can face the challenges ahead of you, knowing that you didn't fall. This translates into gravitas, low-reactivity and deep emotional strength, all of which women find hugely-attractive in men, as it gives them permission to be the weak one, knowing they strong arms to fall into.

I'm not talking shit IB. I've been through this.

I remember being 16, and watching my mother bury my grandmother, and be stoic and strong throughout the entire process -she was a tough woman - only to finally break down after everyone had left after the wake.

She reverted to a child, sobbing into my chest, repeatedly-saying 'My mummy's dead'. I was struck that I was now the adult, and that being a man instead of a boy allowed others to rely on you when their strength fails. It reinforced my masculinity.

Years later, my mother was diagnosed with her own cancer, and started a seven year battle against it. The family reacted in different ways: her brother withdrew and she never saw him again; my sister buried her head in the sand; my stepfather refused to recognise the seriousness of the situation and said things would get better.

That left me to care for her and support her to get to her destination, watching her wither and weaken and atrophy with each step of the journey, yet somehow staying positive, both of us being unable to stop the inevitable. I barely recognised her by the end. Neither of us gave into despair, and eventually found peace in recognising the natural cycle of life.

Towards the end, she thanked me for the support, and said that she knew I was strong enough to bear that burden, and was proud of raising me to be that kind of man. She quietly went into a coma on Christmas Eve, and died in her own home on January 5th, 2010.

I shit you not. Four years ago yesterday, and I completely forgot. I had a great Christmas, because I allow myself to still be happy, despite the bad association.



I completely forgot. Do you see how a person accepts what they can't change, moves on, and can be happy again regardless of loss, without it consuming their very existence?

For you own sake, see a grief counsellor. There's no shame in seeing someone to guide you through this process, and they can offer real world support that's beyond a message board.

Quote:I should've been cold after mom went, I mean, isn't that the one women who should always love you? Hell, even that got taken away from me. Should've learned right there and then, women come and go, no matter the form.

Now you understand the reality of loss. Life is transitory. Keep moving forward, and don't waste time on destructive, distractionary activities when you could be achieving your goals. The past is the past. Mourn her, be greatful for the love you shared, don't obsess over her, let her go. Am I talking about your Mother or your Girlfriend?

Both.

Don't shut off your emotions. Realising you have the capacity to still deeply love another person, with the knowledge that you are strong enough to bear their inevitable loss, is true strength. Don't shut down your feelings and isolate yourself out of fear of being hurt again. Just understand that your emotions have to be carefully-moderated in the presence of women if you want to retain their attraction to you.

Trust me, this will becoming easier as you mature and grow. I'm fucking unflappable now.

You felt it as I did. The passing of your mother (may god bless her soul) essentially, detached you from the pain of loss. You could lose almost anything in life, and still feel whole. Yes, this is as I have felt, and still do.

For me however, I feel a sense of detachment from the world as well. Perhaps this is due to age? Nothing has much meaning to it, as it did when I was younger. Ha, when I was younger, I'm only 20. I both love and hate this, loss doesn't affect me nearly as much, yet, I feel detached from the earth, nothing truly has meaning.

It is quite a difficult feeling to explain.

But yes, you understand me. Like I said, I need to let both my mother and my girlfriend "die". Meaning, the role that they both shared needs to "die".

I can sense only more pain and harshness in the future...fuck it, we all go anyway, ima deal with this shit head on. none of this even fucking matters in the end anyway.

Post: #45

(01-05-2014 11:38 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Thank you everyone, just thank you. Not gonna lie, a bit teary eyed typing this.

Things are just beyond difficult for me, you guys pushin' me to fix all this, I'll never forget it.

I miss my mom everyday of my life, she was red pill herself, warning me about the dark side of women, etc. Hah. I miss her. I'll never forget that day she departed, it was like dream, that whole day, blurry and scarred.

Funny thing is, I remember my uncle told me after she passed away, To let her role/space in life to die along with her. Essentially, do not fill her space up with another person/women. Boy was he right.

I never got the chance to feel the loneliness I was ment to feel. At least, not until now. Its a loneliness I have to muscle through. Mom, and everything about her, must die once and for all. I need to feel loneliness, appreciate it.

Thank god for the good men in my life, time to start up the gym again, and rebuild my fucking life. More than a year wasted on absolutely nothing that got me nowhere...
Thank you guys, every single one of you, for your words and wisdom.

Time heals all wounds man. Lost my dad in a sudden motorcycle accident and that left me ruined at the time. It's been 7 years now. Keep moving ahead and keep staying busy. It'll get easier, believe.

Post: #46

Now that I think about it, relaxation only knew my childhood....

Even in marriage, I'll need to constantly lie and game and pretend? Where does that famed women of my dreams come in? The women where I can just kick back and be myself, not have to try hard...


Fuck it, its true, that shit dont exist. Took all this to see it...

Post: #47

(01-06-2014 12:23 AM)Ironbound Wrote:  For me however, I feel a sense of detachment from the world as well. Perhaps this is due to age? Nothing has much meaning to it, as it did when I was younger. Ha, when I was younger, I'm only 20. I both love and hate this, loss doesn't affect me nearly as much, yet, I feel detached from the earth, nothing truly has meaning.

You're describing depression, dude. I still feel emotions. I'm still sad when things end: it just it doesn't have the power to destroy me like it once might have.

I don't think you're there yet. Look into grief counselling. I'm serious.

Quote:Even in marriage, I'll need to constantly lie and game and pretend? Where does that famed women of my dreams come in? The women where I can just kick back and be myself, not have to try hard...

You don't need to lie and game and pretend in a marriage. You actually become that stronger man.

Quote:I can sense only more pain and harshness in the future...

Another sign of depression. Recognise what you're going through for what it is, and know that it can be controlled and dealt with, but you need to seek out help with it. That's within your power.

Post: #48

(01-03-2014 11:34 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Honestly, a clean break up looks amazing right now.


Again, irrational fears are taking over. Im afraid if shell do something nuts, like harm herself or what have you. I really dont want any issues, just to move on with my life..sigh...


Thanks for all the advice and insite, guys. This site has improved my life so freaking much.

I've been there bro in a LTR with a girl who talked of suicide and her seemingly irrational depression... The thing is you need to realize you are not a sacrificial person put here on this earth for someone else's sake. You are not here to be tormented by someone elses problems. This is your life and if she is bringing you down then she needs to go.

If she is going to harm herself she is going to do it now or later with or without you... you won't be harming her she will be harming herself. It's on her. You didn't make her psycho but you will make yourself psycho if you don't do whats right for you. It will be like removing a bandaid- the faster you do it the less time it will sting.

Get out and you will be happy soon trust me.[/b]

Post: #49

(01-05-2014 01:52 AM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

(01-04-2014 02:06 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Good little article. I don't agree with on the "she'll have forgotten you in days if she's attractive" part though. Vast oversimplification. Some women do get pretty sprung and heartbroken.

You're right, of course, but I question how much of that is really heart-rending and how much is just self-reinforcing emotional theater, wallowing in feelings. A "heartbroken" woman who is back in the game and smiling proudly a week or two later makes me wonder how deep the wound really was or if it was just the "feeling of the week."

I tend to be an emotional guy and take things pretty intensely (and pretty hard if negative), so maybe I'm just feeding my ego saying that nobody's emotions are as real as my own.

I don't know. A woman smiling and fucking a week later, sure, maybe it's an act then but you can't pretend all women are doing that. Though I know a lot of guys on here will try...LOL

Even if they are doing that, though, I used to do the same thing when I was newly dumped just trying to move on and feel better. Just because I was downing some drinks, trying to have a good time and partly succeeding, and chasing women didn't mean I was over it.

Also, I've had women still come around to stalk me even months after breakups (one in particular for years, but she was batshit crazy). Another followed me to Thailand about 7 or 8 months after I dumped her and tried to get me back the whole time she was there (she came uninvited to "surprise me"). A few years later I went home for a visit and she was still switched on and trying.

I've tried to maintain friendships with all my long-term exes and most of them reach a point were they have to cut it off because they couldn't take it - you get the drunken late night phone calls, crying and shit, asking for another chance, even way down the road if they're really into you.

Not saying these birds aren't getting fucked elsewhere, but they don't just get over it with the snap of a finger. But a girl who is kind of bored with the relationship I guess will.

I've got no "god rod" either. But my "relationship game," I guess you'd call it, is pretty solid and I tend to make a big impression on a girlfriend's life. I then get bored and string her along for a long time, so maybe that's why I get such an intense response.

I've seen other women do it too though. My sister, who is a pretty reasonable person, got dumped and then came to Asia with me and a few months later was still pining for her ex. She went on a date or two but she just couldn't gather the energy for much more. She ran away from America essentially to get over the breakup and start a new life, but she still couldn't shake her heartbreak. I've seen plenty of other woman friends act this way too.

Could it have been emotional theater? Sure, I guess so, but that just seems like a convenient manosphere assertion. Honestly, you could say the same for guys who wallow in their self-pity. We're always looking for another reason to call women selfish, cold-hearted attention whores here, but I assure you they do feel pain. HAHA

Women who want something they can't have will especially fall apart inside and go a little crazy, letting their whole life fall apart around them. I read somewhere it's not uncommon for them to go celibate for a long time either as they sink into their depression, as women don't quite "need" sex the way we do.

And remember, a woman gets turned on largely on an emotional level; therefore, when her emotions are all fucked up, it can really ruin her sex life.

Not trying to scare the OP out of his breakup at all, so don't get me wrong. I just felt that particular article was oversimplifying.

Anyways, I'm getting way off-tangent yet again....

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #50

(01-03-2014 08:32 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  It may be a hard truth to swallow but I assert that you are probably a big part of the cause here. The problem here doesn't seem to be one of personality (or if it is there's not enough info to know) but one of a fucked up power dynamic. Hint hint: she's the one in control.

If she can get away with this type of behavior, she'll do it - plain and simple. My brother has a problem of catering too much to his women and they invariably end up acting like this and eventually cheat on him or leave him. I'll admit he probably makes poor selections in the first place but if he acted different he could probably manage their behavior better.

Refer to this thread for some insight: /thread-31315.html You also might want to pick up a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover; I haven't read it but it's highly reviewed and for guys that tend to end up in situations like this.

If you give someone enough reign in a relationship, especially a woman, they will just keep taking.

Leaving her and starting over from scratch, and then improving yourself along the way, is probably the best answer. There's a possibility of snapping her out of it if you check her and show you no longer give a fuck (and back it up). Walk out the door and she'll flip a script real quick. Chances are she'll beg for you to stay and change her behavior like flipping a switch.

But that change will be short-term if you can't maintain your new attitude.

The real challenge is that most guys who get here in the first place aren't able to sustain their new power in the relationship. They go back to acting just like they did when shit was miserable and scratch their heads in frustration when the woman goes back to acting like a cold bitch.

At the end of the day, if you don't want women to treat you this way, you really need to work on your frame. And it may be impossible to do that from in the middle of a lopsided, unhealthy relationship.

Not to mention that like the other guy said, you're 20 years old. Why struggle so hard to salvage this one when there are so many more out there, minus the attitude and resentment? Minus the having to rethrow the balance of power? You could instead work on yourself while playing the field and being happy.

I imagine the not being a sexual creature is linked here too. It can't always be changed - some people really aren't that sexual - but she'd probably get hornier more often if the dynamics of the relationship were different...

Our relationships are often a brutal reflection of who we are and where we need to improve.

I am...going to read this book