Post: #1

I'm going to try and illustrate this as best as I possibly can. I have no where else to turn to. I'm losing my mind every day.


A little over a year ago, my mother passed away due to cancer, so I was already battling demons, so to speak. Around a little time after all this, I met this girl. At first, she was stunning. Absolutely nice, sweet, loving, and most importantly, innocent. In every sense of the word. She was 19 at the time, me 20. We met through a mutual friend, and hit it off. I was in love, you could say. She was a Muslim convert, european in origin. She seemed like a real charming, classy lady.


For about a year, the relationship was fine. I was her first (took her virginity) and happiness seemed abound. Problems began to develop. She rarely if ever wanted to sleep with me, citing religion as a reason, and wanting to keep things pure until marriage. I don't know how much I can believe this, though. My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children. This innocent, sweet girl developed an attitude unlike any other. She had become extremely grumpy, mean, and bitchy on a daily basis. Little fights would turn into huge arguements, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and saddness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity. No matter how much I tried to sit down, think, and reason, I just cannot figure out how I am the cause of every fight/problem. She'll fight nonstop, no matter how much I beg her to just relax and let things go. I'll apologize nonstop, and she will not nudge.


I've deduced that it isn't another man in the picture, but I just cant figure out how this sweet girl turned out to be so evil, rude and bitchy. What sucks more is that I am emotionally trapped to this girl. I really cant take her shit/ stress anymore, but I dont want to lose her....Idk wtf to do guys.


I should've never gotten into a LTR. Never again.

Post: #2

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children.

Little fights would turn into huge arguments, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and sadness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity.

Get this bitch out of your life immediately. Delete phone number/cut off all contact ASAP/move out whatever it takes. Never let a woman talk like this to you or make you feel like garbage. Her religious renaissance story about sex sounds like BS. Just a typical hamster attempt to control you through sex.

And don't bother rationalizing hamsters--they don't act or think rationally.

You are 20 yrs old and in the prime of your life--enjoy it with women who will appreciate and value you.

Post: #3

You're in control of your life here. Wake up tomorrow, gather your things, and be done. Just be done. The other poster is correct when he says you're in your prime. Make a decision, stick to it and move on with life.

Post: #4

(01-03-2014 07:13 PM)Flavius Aetius Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children.

Little fights would turn into huge arguments, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and sadness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity.

Get this bitch out of your life immediately. Delete phone number/cut off all contact ASAP/move out whatever it takes. Never let a woman talk like this to you or make you feel like garbage. Her religious renaissance story about sex sounds like BS. Just a typical hamster attempt to control you through sex.

And don't bother rationalizing hamsters--they don't act or think rationally.

You are 20 yrs old and in the prime of your life--enjoy it with women who will appreciate and value you.

I know all of this, I really do. I'm just attached to this women in an unhealthy way, I need to break this shit.

She used to be so nice, so sweet, wanting to be sexual with me. These days I'll be lucky to get a kiss from this demented women. I really cannot understand her.....

Post: #5

(01-03-2014 07:30 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 07:13 PM)Flavius Aetius Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children.

Little fights would turn into huge arguments, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and sadness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity.

Get this bitch out of your life immediately. Delete phone number/cut off all contact ASAP/move out whatever it takes. Never let a woman talk like this to you or make you feel like garbage. Her religious renaissance story about sex sounds like BS. Just a typical hamster attempt to control you through sex.

And don't bother rationalizing hamsters--they don't act or think rationally.

You are 20 yrs old and in the prime of your life--enjoy it with women who will appreciate and value you.

I know all of this, I really do. I'm just attached to this women in an unhealthy way, I need to break this shit.

She used to be so nice, so sweet, wanting to be sexual with me. These days I'll be lucky to get a kiss from this demented women. I really cannot understand her.....

You don't have to understand her. Just pack your shit and leave as soon as possible

Post: #6

(01-03-2014 07:30 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  She used to be so nice, so sweet, wanting to be sexual with me. These days I'll be lucky to get a kiss from this demented women. I really cannot understand her.....

Well, first off, no, she wasn't EVER nice, sweet, etc. That is just her social mask.
Now you can see how she really IS.
Don't destroy your future by reliving the past.

Post: #7

(01-03-2014 08:03 PM)commiejoe Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 07:30 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  She used to be so nice, so sweet, wanting to be sexual with me. These days I'll be lucky to get a kiss from this demented women. I really cannot understand her.....

Well, first off, no, she wasn't EVER nice, sweet, etc. That is just her social mask.
Now you can see how she really IS.
Don't destroy your future by reliving the past.

She used to cook for me, take care of me, etc. Now, like I said, she refuses to kiss me because "shes not good with me".

Wtf? where did it all go wrong? This shit is getting old fucking fast.

Post: #8

It may be a hard truth to swallow but I assert that you are probably a big part of the cause here. The problem here doesn't seem to be one of personality (or if it is there's not enough info to know) but one of a fucked up power dynamic. Hint hint: she's the one in control.

If she can get away with this type of behavior, she'll do it - plain and simple. My brother has a problem of catering too much to his women and they invariably end up acting like this and eventually cheat on him or leave him. I'll admit he probably makes poor selections in the first place but if he acted different he could probably manage their behavior better.

Refer to this thread for some insight: /thread-31315.html You also might want to pick up a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover; I haven't read it but it's highly reviewed and for guys that tend to end up in situations like this.

If you give someone enough reign in a relationship, especially a woman, they will just keep taking.

Leaving her and starting over from scratch, and then improving yourself along the way, is probably the best answer. There's a possibility of snapping her out of it if you check her and show you no longer give a fuck (and back it up). Walk out the door and she'll flip a script real quick. Chances are she'll beg for you to stay and change her behavior like flipping a switch.

But that change will be short-term if you can't maintain your new attitude.

The real challenge is that most guys who get here in the first place aren't able to sustain their new power in the relationship. They go back to acting just like they did when shit was miserable and scratch their heads in frustration when the woman goes back to acting like a cold bitch.

At the end of the day, if you don't want women to treat you this way, you really need to work on your frame. And it may be impossible to do that from in the middle of a lopsided, unhealthy relationship.

Not to mention that like the other guy said, you're 20 years old. Why struggle so hard to salvage this one when there are so many more out there, minus the attitude and resentment? Minus the having to rethrow the balance of power? You could instead work on yourself while playing the field and being happy.

I imagine the not being a sexual creature is linked here too. It can't always be changed - some people really aren't that sexual - but she'd probably get hornier more often if the dynamics of the relationship were different...

Our relationships are often a brutal reflection of who we are and where we need to improve.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #9

How is it possible that you have 68 posts here, a forum chock full of observations of female behavior, and are asking these questions?

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  I've deduced that it isn't another man in the picture

I suspect you're wrong.

But even if another man isn't in the picture, you've obviously turned her off. She's not asexual - your behavior is causing her pussy to snap shut.

Post: #10

(01-03-2014 07:13 PM)Flavius Aetius Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children.

Little fights would turn into huge arguments, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and sadness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity.

Get this bitch out of your life immediately. Delete phone number/cut off all contact ASAP/move out whatever it takes. Never let a woman talk like this to you or make you feel like garbage. Her religious renaissance story about sex sounds like BS. Just a typical hamster attempt to control you through sex.

And don't bother rationalizing hamsters--they don't act or think rationally.

You are 20 yrs old and in the prime of your life--enjoy it with women who will appreciate and value you.

I agree with this 100 percent. don't let this woman walk over you man live your life

Post: #11

(01-03-2014 08:32 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  It may be a hard truth to swallow but I assert that you are probably a big part of the cause here. The problem here doesn't seem to be one of personality (or if it is there's not enough info to know) but one of a fucked up power dynamic. Hint hint: she's the one in control.

If she can get away with this type of behavior, she'll do it - plain and simple. My brother has a problem of catering too much to his women and they invariably end up acting like this and eventually cheat on him or leave him. I'll admit he probably makes poor selections in the first place but if he acted different he could probably manage their behavior better.

Refer to this thread for some insight: /thread-31315.html You also might want to pick up a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover; I haven't read it but it's highly reviewed and for guys that tend to end up in situations like this.

If you give someone enough reign in a relationship, especially a woman, they will just keep taking.

Leaving her and starting over from scratch, and then improving yourself along the way, is probably the best answer. There's a possibility of snapping her out of it if you check her and show you no longer give a fuck (and back it up). Walk out the door and she'll flip a script real quick. Chances are she'll beg for you to stay and change her behavior like flipping a switch.

But that change will be short-term if you can't maintain your new attitude.

The real challenge is that most guys who get here in the first place aren't able to sustain their new power in the relationship. They go back to acting just like they did when shit was miserable and scratch their heads in frustration when the woman goes back to acting like a cold bitch.

At the end of the day, if you don't want women to treat you this way, you really need to work on your frame. And it may be impossible to do that from in the middle of a lopsided, unhealthy relationship.

Not to mention that like the other guy said, you're 20 years old. Why struggle so hard to salvage this one when there are so many more out there, minus the attitude and resentment? Minus the having to rethrow the balance of power? You could instead work on yourself while playing the field and being happy.

I imagine the not being a sexual creature is linked here too. It can't always be changed - some people really aren't that sexual - but she'd probably get hornier more often if the dynamics of the relationship were different...

Our relationships are often a brutal reflection of who we are and where we need to improve.

I often wonder if it is that I've let the nicer side of me out more often, the more apologetic side. I've noticed when I ignore her, she does at times come running back to me. I'm tired of this power trip shit. I honestly worry that if I ignore her outright and tell her to fuck off, she may just not care and dip.

Basically, im worried if its more of a "pull" problem, rather than a "push". But like I said, I really cannot figure out how I am "fucking up this relationship" like she says....

(01-03-2014 08:37 PM)assman Wrote:  How is it possible that you have 68 posts here, a forum chock full of observations of female behavior, and are asking these questions?

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  I've deduced that it isn't another man in the picture

I suspect you're wrong.

But even if another man isn't in the picture, you've obviously turned her off. She's not asexual - your behavior is causing her pussy to snap shut.

I used most of the knowledge here to get myself a girl. Was always the LTR type, but damn this is getting old....

Post: #12

Your responses confirm my suspicions. Honestly, Man - go read that book, whether you try to salvage the relationship or not.

It'll probably be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

If you're unsure about it, download the sample first. I looked it over recently and the relationships and struggles he describes sound just like yours.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #13

(01-03-2014 08:37 PM)assman Wrote:  your behavior is causing her pussy to snap shut.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #14

(01-03-2014 07:13 PM)Flavius Aetius Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 06:47 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  My head really started to spin when she began telling me that she isn't a "sexual creature" and grimaced at the though of having to sleep with me in the future, wanting only to do it to make children.

Little fights would turn into huge arguments, where I was always blamed for everything. The stress and sadness resulted me in skipping work numerous times, losing alot of money and productivity.

Get this bitch out of your life immediately. Delete phone number/cut off all contact ASAP/move out whatever it takes. Never let a woman talk like this to you or make you feel like garbage. Her religious renaissance story about sex sounds like BS. Just a typical hamster attempt to control you through sex.

And don't bother rationalizing hamsters--they don't act or think rationally.

You are 20 yrs old and in the prime of your life--enjoy it with women who will appreciate and value you.

THIS

Delete her number, when she calls you tell her to fuck off and just move on with your life. She thinks you are a little bitch and she is taking advantage of you. Never (over) apologize to a woman, always blame them, you are never wrong.

Note that the guys replying on this thread have way more experience than you and know what they are talking about. Simply move on, don't even think of dating her again, if you do this, then you really don't want to make your life better.

Hit the gym, read a lot and start gaming other women. Learn the art of approaching.

Post: #15

I appreciate all the responses I've gotten in this thread so far. Looking back, I was a doormat to this girl. While she isn't the worst girl out there, my behavior, needy nice guy behavior, definetly messed it up. I should've put my foot down long ago....

I'm worried if this women will do something over the top if I try to end it, though...

Post: #16

(01-03-2014 09:39 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  I appreciate all the responses I've gotten in this thread so far. Looking back, I was a doormat to this girl. While she isn't the worst girl out there, my behavior, needy nice guy behavior, definetly messed it up. I should've put my foot down long ago....

I'm worried if this women will do something over the top if I try to end it, though...

You are showing again that she is in charge of that relationship.

Fuck her..You don't give a fuck if '' she tries to do something over the top'',,there is nothing she can do to you. Change your phone number and move on.

Post: #17

(01-03-2014 09:39 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  I appreciate all the responses I've gotten in this thread so far. Looking back, I was a doormat to this girl. While she isn't the worst girl out there, my behavior, needy nice guy behavior, definetly messed it up. I should've put my foot down long ago....

I'm worried if this women will do something over the top if I try to end it, though...

I don't think we can give you an answer that will satisfy you. What you're really asking us is: "How can I turn this girl back into what she used to be when I first met her and make her be in love with me again?"

Answer: you can't, and she doesn't love you.

You took her virginity, so the pre-marriage 'purity' thing is purely an excuse to not fuck you. She's miserable with you, and you're miserable with her. You're holding on to an idealised memory of the potential your future relationship held at the beginning. That potential was pure fantasy. The reality is that you make each other unhappy, but both lack the strength to walk away from it, as the unknown is scarier.

Walk away. There'll be other women, and your life can continue instead of stagnating. I doubt she'll put up a fight. Keep on going with your life and work towards your goals. You're young. Trying to regain frame in an already broken relationship is a waste of time.

Post: #18

I hate deleting numbers. If I think I recognize the number I'll typically answer it. So what I do is use DO NOT ANSWER as the first name, or Flake, or Psycho. An example would be Psycho Ada Rios. This way I know not to bother. And something else that I've done is download a silent ringtone, so even if they do call I never get alerted.

Post: #19

Women at that age are too capricious.
Don't be the doormat -- I've been there.
Maintain radio silence and find some other chick to hang with.
Even if you don't, plant the seed that you are, and you can gauge how she reacts accordingly.

No man your age needs to be saddled with such a poor ROI.

Post: #20

Honestly, a clean break up looks amazing right now.


Again, irrational fears are taking over. Im afraid if shell do something nuts, like harm herself or what have you. I really dont want any issues, just to move on with my life..sigh...


Thanks for all the advice and insite, guys. This site has improved my life so freaking much.

Post: #21

(01-03-2014 11:34 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Honestly, a clean break up looks amazing right now.

Again, irrational fears are taking over. Im afraid if shell do something nuts, like harm herself or what have you. I really dont want any issues, just to move on with my life..sigh...

Thanks for all the advice and insite, guys. This site has improved my life so freaking much.

I know that feeling. I've stayed with women longer than I should have - like much, much longer - for the simple reason that I was afraid they couldn't take the breakup. I've done it repeatedly and it has been one of my biggest faults in relationships.

And you know what? It ALWAYS makes things worse if you stay for that reason. It just drags it out and makes it that much more dysfunctional and emotional when it finally does happen.

For one thing, if she does or says anything to make you feel that way, it's emotional abuse. At least that's what they'd call it if a guy did it to a woman. Or emotional blackmail, if you will.

You are not responsible for her choice to do something stupid or harmful to herself. That's 100% on her, Man, because it isn't sane behavior. Simply put, normal people don't hurt themselves because they get broken up with. Sure, they suffer, but they move on with their lives. So let that shit go now.

Especially considering that she's not pulling her weight in the relationship....

Also, consider her complete lack of emotion and lack of give right now. It's possible you're only crediting her with the risk because of your own selfish need for her to feel like that, but if she really flips the script so hard to go from giving nothing to endangering herself because her emotional pain is supposedly so strong, you are definitely with a manipulative fucked up person that only cares about herself.

Women don't get the right to jump from cold to clingy in a heartbeat and be taken seriously. Hell no. If she does that, it's because of the pain of rejection, and well, tough shit.

Look, I understand what it's like to be overly-sensitive like that and always worrying about whether a woman can take it, but you've really got to let go of your fears; don't let her be a spoiled child. You've already acknowledged it's irrational. It's just another extension of that "always trying to be nice guy" and always do "the right thing" part of your personality.

It's not doing you or her any favors.

There's nothing you can do but man up and start taking the risk of being a polarizing person. You'll never make every situation harmonious or make every person on this Earth like you and every memory with you.

And whatever you do, don't show that the thought scares you because if she senses such threats will carry weight it's very likely she'll use them to her advantage. Guys who are afraid to upset people tend to end up with the type of women that will use that to their advantage....

I'm not telling you break up with your girl - that's your own decision, ultimately. But never let this be the reason that stops you.

You'll only regret it if you do.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #22

(01-03-2014 08:32 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Refer to this thread for some insight: /thread-31315.html You also might want to pick up a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover; I haven't read it but it's highly reviewed and for guys that tend to end up in situations like this.

Seconded, heartily. I just finished No More Mr. Nice Guy and it is chock-full of effective diagnoses and treatments for the kind of behaviors and thought patterns that many guys employ that lead them to fail with women. The key insight is to put yourself first and to declare some boundaries so people don't take advantage of you; it's well-known in the game circles that articulating some boundaries causes women to respect you more which leads to tingles. It's not specifically a pickup/sex book but its recommendations pay off handsomely in that arena.

Post: #23

Sorry about your mother. That's my biggest fear in life.

For the rest, all I can say is harden the fuck up and boot that bitch. You're too young for s LTR anyways. Take it from someone who had a LTR from 20-26. Dont do it.

Post: #24

(01-04-2014 12:57 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

(01-03-2014 11:34 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Honestly, a clean break up looks amazing right now.

Again, irrational fears are taking over. Im afraid if shell do something nuts, like harm herself or what have you. I really dont want any issues, just to move on with my life..sigh...

Thanks for all the advice and insite, guys. This site has improved my life so freaking much.

I know that feeling. I've stayed with women longer than I should have - like much, much longer - for the simple reason that I was afraid they couldn't take the breakup. I've done it repeatedly and it has been one of my biggest faults in relationships.

And you know what? It ALWAYS makes things worse if you stay for that reason. It just drags it out and makes it that much more dysfunctional and emotional when it finally does happen.

Ditto.

http://dangerandplay.com/2012/07/19/play...t-over-it/

"A lot of players have a conscience. We think, “I’m not happy in this relationship, but this girl will kill herself if I dump her.” Instead of doing what’s best for ourselves, we do what is best for a woman.
...
If a girl is attractive, she’ll have forgotten about you in days."

I learned from experience that the moment the tingle is gone, a woman will be ready to leave you without a blink, she just needs a push (like an eligible new dude entering the picture). So why should a man be expected to do any less/more? Don't be a white knight for someone who wouldn't do you the same favor.

Post: #25

Good little article. I don't agree with on the "she'll have forgotten you in days if she's attractive" part though. Vast oversimplification. Some women do get pretty sprung and heartbroken.

But I agree with the overall spirit of the post. And yeah, they will move on with their lives for sure, especially if the relationship isn't going all that well.

I also agree that women can be cold as shit when they're the one ready to break it off.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling