Post: #51

Not going to lie guys, this thread is providing me with a great crutch/support to rely on. I can't thank you guys enough. To all my brethern, Beyond borders, Anonymousbosch, pitt, all of you guys, thank you so much.

Haven't spoken to her in about 3-4 days now. Nothing, radio silence. While it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought (she was a complete bitch that last few months) I do miss her deeply. Call me whatever, but we had a great bond, and a great beginning. It's hard to just throw away this girl, despite everything. Emotions are a bitch....

The urge to call her/establish contact is crazy.

Restarted the gym, getting back into strongman training. That's one positive...

Using this thread to sort've bring out whats inside of me. The true lonely, sinking feeling is really beginning to kick it. Why? why do I need a female figure in my life so bad that it causes me to feel this fucking way? It's a crazy thought. There is literally not a single female alive on this earth that actually gives a shit about me. Though I have my father and younger brother and good friends, I can't help but feel alone.

It's going to be a long, long fight to restore the happiness I felt as a young boy. I never realized the hole in my spirit this girl actually filled up...

Post: #52

(01-06-2014 11:32 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Haven't spoken to her in about 3-4 days now. Nothing, radio silence.

Using this thread to sort've bring out whats inside of me. The true lonely, sinking feeling is really beginning to kick it. Why? why do I need a female figure in my life so bad that it causes me to feel this fucking way? It's a crazy thought. There is literally not a single female alive on this earth that actually gives a shit about me. Though I have my father and younger brother and good friends, I can't help but feel alone.

It's going to be a long, long fight to restore the happiness I felt as a young boy. I never realized the hole in my spirit this girl actually filled up...

First of all, bro, GOOD ON YOU! Radio Silence is the place to start. You sacked up. You took the initial step. To use the common metaphor, you chose the Red Pill. I would say 'keep it up' but you know that already. And it's not like you have a fucking choice anyway.

That 'true lonely, sinking feeling' you speak of? Yeah, IB, it can suck. You FEEL that you need a female in your life because that's what you're used to. You gained validation, support, and tons of other feel-good dopamine releasing emotions and pheromones, plus sex, and a social circle...

...and all that is gone now, along with the cycles you yourself recognized as unhealthy, even in your totally fucked-up mental state. She DID fill a hole in your being. You were incomplete and broken. Now you realize it. You have a chance to fix it.

You are lucky to have father, brother, this forum. It could be worse. But be careful not to rely too heavily on anyone or anything if you feel that you have the strength to do something on your own. A crutch is what they give you when you break your ankle. After a few months, that shit is just a useless prop tossed aside in your garage, and you're left with nothing but some wicked stories and a scar. You will run again.

The 'long, long fight' never NEVER ends. The beauty and the poignancy of being a man is that, the further you suffer, the greater the heights of your joy. The deeper you go, the higher you climb--so to speak. You will never be as happy as you were when you were a boy, for more reasons than I can think of. But you have a shot at deeper, more sublime experiences that a boy can not even dream of.

You're like a user coming off a drug cold-turkey. What, did you think you could get all that feel-good shit without paying a price? Your brain is accustomed to circuitry and neural pathways that got built up and reinforced because of external stimuli, and now that those stimuli are removed, those circuits will no longer fire. You will feel seven types of fucked up. Own it. That's the only thing that gives you a shot at getting through it with some matter of sanity and grace. When you find yourself in a funk--and you will, believe it--this understanding will allow you to realize that it's not a flaw in you as a person, as a character in your world. Your brain is literally fucked up. With time it will get better. You will realize: "This is anxiety/depression/anger/neediness/insecurity/etc........so THIS is what that feels like. THIS is what it's like for ME to go through it. Huh." An eased sense of detachment comes over you. You realize that those negative mental states are the result of your brain being low on neurotransmitters, on fucking fruits and vegetables and exercise and sex and sleep. Nail those down and you're on your way up, satis-fucking-faction guaranteed.

You got lucky, bro. You got OUT of the Matrix. You took the pill, and Yes it takes a long-assed time for it to fully digest, but you will get there if you put the work in.

Now go get some.

Post: #53

^great post

Yesterday I spent some time thinking that the things that have given me the most happiness in life, (relationships and experiences) have also brought me the most emotional pain when they've ended.


Recognising and dealing with that truth is the first step toward a higher level of consciousness where you will find a deeper happiness independent of external pillars.

Post: #54

(01-06-2014 11:32 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Not going to lie guys, this thread is providing me with a great crutch/support to rely on. I can't thank you guys enough. To all my brethern, Beyond borders, Anonymousbosch, pitt, all of you guys, thank you so much.

Haven't spoken to her in about 3-4 days now. Nothing, radio silence. While it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought (she was a complete bitch that last few months) I do miss her deeply. Call me whatever, but we had a great bond, and a great beginning. It's hard to just throw away this girl, despite everything. Emotions are a bitch....

The urge to call her/establish contact is crazy.

Restarted the gym, getting back into strongman training. That's one positive...

Using this thread to sort've bring out whats inside of me. The true lonely, sinking feeling is really beginning to kick it. Why? why do I need a female figure in my life so bad that it causes me to feel this fucking way? It's a crazy thought. There is literally not a single female alive on this earth that actually gives a shit about me. Though I have my father and younger brother and good friends, I can't help but feel alone.

It's going to be a long, long fight to restore the happiness I felt as a young boy. I never realized the hole in my spirit this girl actually filled up...

Right on bro.

I'll tell you what, Man - I can't even say how many times during my 20s (before I got wise enough to start tuning this shit out) that I had a conversation with guys I know, in person, similar to the one that occurred in this thread. Usually transpired over some beers, started with them bitching and moaning about their woman, and ended with them boldly declaring how shit was going to change.

Know what though? I can't remember a one of them that actually manned up and followed through on their buzzed-up assertions.

You have my respect for recognizing you were getting dicked around and then, most importantly, following through and forcing some change, even if it's uncomfortable. To be perfectly honest, I figured you'd just go silent on the subject.

Well done, man. I know cutting ties with someone you've shared so much with isn't easy; believe me, I'm a sensitive bastard myself (haha just kidding - we're all human). Sometimes you gotta do it though.

At the end of the day, we've only got one life that we know of; we can't waste it in situations that make us miserable.

EDIT: Don't mean to completely ignore the issues with your mother dying. Sounds like you have some heavy stuff to work through there and don't know if I'm qualified to speak on it. Have you considered therapy or grief counseling? Even just a few sessions can sometimes set you straight if you just need to get some stuff off your chest and sort through it.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #55

(01-06-2014 11:32 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Haven't spoken to her in about 3-4 days now. Nothing, radio silence.

good riddance. you're doing the right thing bro. keep it up! i'm with you 100%. even if she contacts you, do not respond. do your thing.

Post: #56

(01-06-2014 11:32 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Not going to lie guys, this thread is providing me with a great crutch/support to rely on. I can't thank you guys enough. To all my brethern, Beyond borders, Anonymousbosch, pitt, all of you guys, thank you so much.

Haven't spoken to her in about 3-4 days now. Nothing, radio silence. While it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought (she was a complete bitch that last few months) I do miss her deeply. Call me whatever, but we had a great bond, and a great beginning. It's hard to just throw away this girl, despite everything. Emotions are a bitch....

The urge to call her/establish contact is crazy.

Restarted the gym, getting back into strongman training. That's one positive...

Using this thread to sort've bring out whats inside of me. The true lonely, sinking feeling is really beginning to kick it. Why? why do I need a female figure in my life so bad that it causes me to feel this fucking way? It's a crazy thought. There is literally not a single female alive on this earth that actually gives a shit about me. Though I have my father and younger brother and good friends, I can't help but feel alone.

It's going to be a long, long fight to restore the happiness I felt as a young boy. I never realized the hole in my spirit this girl actually filled up...

This may be insane, and I don't know if you are able to afford it budget wise but back when I had hired a cleaning lady to come by my house and clean up, do laundry once a week. She was an old lady and she would often be finishing up when I came home from work.

I appreciated my grandmothers (both passed away) way more than my mother and it was like some weird childhood comfort having some kind old lady tidy up and check up on me (despite being paid for it) she enjoyed it too as cleaning up after a mature single guy was way less hectic than the family homes she usually did.

That may work for you, getting a 'mom' replacement from a cleaning lady is way cheaper and less fucked up and complicated than an LTR while you deal with the loss of your actual mom. Best $160/month I ever spent.

Post: #57

IB- sorry to hear about your loss.

Agree with almost all of above excellent posts. Will just add:

1. The best way to forget about someone is to be busy with other things and thoughts
2. For the loss of your mother: a) see a grief counselor b) make a little space in your home that you dedicate to her, and another little space that's only for you. If she comes in your thoughts in your room eg (and it will happen, entirely normal), you go visit her space.
3. As for the girl- good to see you moving on. Not worth the drama. I've been through an LTR breakup not too long ago, and you just need to turn the switch and stay strong. Never call her, and don't talk to her if she calls. She'll move on faster than you think. And you can use the space technique for your GF too (make sure somewhere uncomfortable and far from your bed)
4. Go out, meet friends and new people with sole intention of spending good time, not for dating etc. Will keep you social but take your mind off of these issues.

Good luck mate, feel for you.

Post: #58

It's quite funny, and sad, how easily a women can forget you, forget the experiences you shared together, at the drop of the hat. I mean, I've come to terms with reality, and how most women operate, but, it's just so difficult to wrap my head around. A good portion of me wants to not believe, despite evidence point blank, it's just so sad, so cold.

I mean yeah, we had a couple fights, I said a few curse words. But you can forget a man this easily despite the many months and borderline years? I know I shouldn't be thinking to deeply on this, but this kind of preludes a loneliness I know existed, but just couldn't/can't come to terms with...

Just had to write this out, get it off my chest.

Post: #59

(01-08-2014 09:00 AM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

(01-06-2014 11:32 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Not going to lie guys, this thread is providing me with a great crutch/support to rely on. I can't thank you guys enough. To all my brethern, Beyond borders, Anonymousbosch, pitt, all of you guys, thank you so much.

Haven't spoken to her in about 3-4 days now. Nothing, radio silence. While it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought (she was a complete bitch that last few months) I do miss her deeply. Call me whatever, but we had a great bond, and a great beginning. It's hard to just throw away this girl, despite everything. Emotions are a bitch....

The urge to call her/establish contact is crazy.

Restarted the gym, getting back into strongman training. That's one positive...

Using this thread to sort've bring out whats inside of me. The true lonely, sinking feeling is really beginning to kick it. Why? why do I need a female figure in my life so bad that it causes me to feel this fucking way? It's a crazy thought. There is literally not a single female alive on this earth that actually gives a shit about me. Though I have my father and younger brother and good friends, I can't help but feel alone.

It's going to be a long, long fight to restore the happiness I felt as a young boy. I never realized the hole in my spirit this girl actually filled up...

This may be insane, and I don't know if you are able to afford it budget wise but back when I had hired a cleaning lady to come by my house and clean up, do laundry once a week. She was an old lady and she would often be finishing up when I came home from work.

I appreciated my grandmothers (both passed away) way more than my mother and it was like some weird childhood comfort having some kind old lady tidy up and check up on me (despite being paid for it) she enjoyed it too as cleaning up after a mature single guy was way less hectic than the family homes she usually did.

That may work for you, getting a 'mom' replacement from a cleaning lady is way cheaper and less fucked up and complicated than an LTR while you deal with the loss of your actual mom. Best $160/month I ever spent.

Yes! My father actually hired a maid from actually the same village/area my mother was native to. She reminded me of my mother in so many ways, I do miss her haha. She would talk to me, comfort me, tell me everything would be alright, and cry beside me at times. She was a sweet lady.

Post: #60

(01-03-2014 11:34 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  Im afraid if shell do something nuts, like harm herself or what have you.

This should be of no consequence to yourself. If she's nutty enough to harm herself to try and prove a point, it's better that you've removed yourself from the situation so she cannot attempt harming you too.

Get out of the relationship, cut off all contact with her, and get your life together. You're 20 years old man, the future is too bright to be so miserable, especially over one woman.