Post: #801

Ha. And I thought I'm the only one having nightmares about being drunk and wasted.

Sounds ridicilous but it's nothing to joke about.

Post: #802

Yeah, I don't attach meaning to dreams really.

It's hard enough to make sense of the things we do when we are awake.

Post: #803

4 months today.

Christmas through New Years is going to be a bitch.

Post: #804

This isn't easy at all. I felt really positive for the first day or two, then started getting really bad anxiety and dark dreams a couple of days in. That's passed, but now I just feel kind of flat. Going out has felt like a chore, and I get tired really early and go home. I've had some nights where I've been able to work up a good vibe, but it's much more fragile than with booze - like for example if I have to wait a long time at the bar then I lose the good feeling, if somebody pushes into me or acts like a prick then I lose the good feeling, if the move from one venue to another takes longer than a few minutes then I start losing it, etc. I'm also a lot more shy without it, and my game has been weak and felt off rhythm. Also going out late, when everybody is already pissed and the atmosphere is more charged, makes things even worse because I'm not warmed up socially, and everybody around is really boisterous. Being around un-stifled drunk peopole can almost feel intimidating at times.

I'm very tempted to drink over Christmas, because I'll be seeing old friends who will expect me to be my usual self with the ladies. Starting in the new year might be a better idea for me.

I'm sorry to be so negative in what has been a really positive and motivating thread. At least I see now where my weaknesses, are and the things I need to work on.

Post: #805

(12-19-2014 09:16 AM)Kieran Wrote:  This isn't easy at all. I felt really positive for the first day or two, then started getting really bad anxiety and dark dreams a couple of days in. That's passed, but now I just feel kind of flat. Going out has felt like a chore, and I get tired really early and go home. I've had some nights where I've been able to work up a good vibe, but it's much more fragile than with booze - like for example if I have to wait a long time at the bar then I lose the good feeling, if somebody pushes into me or acts like a prick then I lose the good feeling, if the move from one venue to another takes longer than a few minutes then I start losing it, etc. I'm also a lot more shy without it, and my game has been weak and felt off rhythm. Also going out late, when everybody is already pissed and the atmosphere is more charged, makes things even worse because I'm not warmed up socially, and everybody around is really boisterous. Being around un-stifled drunk peopole can almost feel intimidating at times.

That flatness is normal it will pass as well. If you read Allen Carr's book it actually just boredom. Drinking didn't relieve the boredom but just dulled your senses so you seemed like you were not bored. I don't know how long or how heavy you drank but it takes some getting used to.

As far as the being tired part, how long have you been sober? It takes some time for your body to recover from years of heavy drinking. When you're tired, sleep. In a couple weeks you will have much more energy when your body catches up.

The only thing quitting drinking does is make you sober. Working on sober social skills is a side aspect that actually develops fast. Mike over at D&P has a great post on this topic HERE

Quote: I'm very tempted to drink over Christmas, because I'll be seeing old friends who will expect me to be my usual self with the ladies. Starting in the new year might be a better idea for me.

I'm sorry to be so negative in what has been a really positive and motivating thread. At least I see now where my weaknesses, are and the things I need to work on.

If you drink or not is entirely up to you. My wagon hasn't been perfect either. Along with the Carr book, I highly recommend reading Rational Recovery or at very least take 15 minutes and read the crash course on AVRT HERE . This thinking about drinking is nothing more than your addictive voice trying to get the better of you.

You obviously decided to go for the 1 year challenge for a reason. The reasons have not changed. What needs to change is your outlook about being sober.

Post: #806

Thanks for the post and recommendations scubadude. Very helpful.

Post: #807

(12-19-2014 09:16 AM)Kieran Wrote:  This isn't easy at all. I felt really positive for the first day or two, then started getting really bad anxiety and dark dreams a couple of days in. That's passed, but now I just feel kind of flat.

That is exactly how it is supposed to go. After the initial "pink elephant" phase of wagon euphoria passes, there comes a period that can be characterized as dull, flat, and fallow.

This period -- and others like it that may follow over time -- is the absolute key to the wagon. It is in going through the flat and fallow periods that the real work of the wagon gets done. Without them, you will not be able to experience the real benefits of the wagon -- especially the subtler benefits that come over time.

Alcohol has given you an all-too-ready shortcut to intensity and excitement, and it has, over time, coarsened your spiritual palate and desensitized you to life's true and modest charms. Without the sauce, the world is going to seem dull and boring because it takes time to reacquire your taste for life as it is -- for the palate to regain its ability to resolve life in its true depth. This process cannot be hurried -- it must be endured with patience. Drinking has entrained you to impatience, and patience is the only cure for that. You just have to trust that it is worth the wait -- which it is. Or, lacking this trust, lean on your pride of having made a decision and sticking to it, however grimly, no matter what.

This is how you get stronger -- day by seemingly dull and fallow day. There is no other way.

Post: #808

(12-19-2014 08:51 AM)micha Wrote:  4 months today.

Christmas through New Years is going to be a bitch.

The weeks are starting to add up a little at 4 months. It's good.

Yes, Christmas through New Year's can be rough, but you know what? It's only a week. It will be over soon enough.

And a lot of dudes who are drinking hard through the holidays are going to feel very depressed and bedraggled once that first Monday of January comes around. But you will not need to feel that way.

Post: #809

I've almost completed this year's wagon, but I'm unsure as to whether to do another year in 2015.

The benefits of this alcohol-free period have been huge - my productivity has gone through the roof for example.

But I have also had to turn down some fine craft beer, rare Japanese-made wine and champagne on several occasions. And drinking coke instead (often the only alternative) was more unhealthy, if anything.

I'm considering going back to being a casual drinker, but limited to truly social occasions such as these. It's a tough call - I certainly don't miss having hangovers!

Post: #810

I have almost completed the challenge, i.e., I think I'm only 5 days away.

This has been an amazing year. Many thanks to you, Oz, as both this thread and the post by Mike at Danger and Play with his year long no drinking experiment were the main sources of my motivation. Seeing both of them together and mixing them with some events in my life set off the desire in my mind to see this to completion.

I haven't fully decided what's next, now. I could easily go another year or indefinitely without drinking. Recently, I picked up a new two-wheeled toy that will not mix with alcohol, so drinking and riding is out. I certainly won't be hitting the bars or taking out a few bottles of wine a week like I did last year any more. I have next to no motivation to drink, now. I may pick up a beer or a glass of scotch now and then if I'm in good company, but my desire to drink as an event itself is nil.

Overall, this has been the best year of my life. I have learned and grown more than any other year in my memory, and that's a story unto itself. A lot of that is due to not being hungover, as well as having a lot of extra cash floating around by not wasting it on booze.

You're a great motivator to many here, including me, with extremely thoughtful and well-written posts. I strive to be more articulate because of the examples you create on the forum.

Thank you again.

Post: #811

(12-17-2014 03:48 PM)Fisto Wrote:  I had a nightmare that I was hanging out at a party, someone handed me shots and I just took them. Then I was drunk and all of a sudden remembered that I was on the year long challenge. The rest of the dream I was trying to decide if I should just keep drinking or stop right there.

I had the same feeling when I've had dreams about showing up to class but without my homework, or there was a test and I had no idea what the answers were etc.

I have those kind of dreams at least once a month. They're very unsettling.

Post: #812

philosophical_recovery, thank you for the kind words. It makes me very happy that this thread has helped guys, and I hope it will continue to do so.

dreambig and philosophical_recovery, I have no advice to offer on your decisions (not that you need any). For what it's worth, I feel both of you will likely do fine either way -- either choosing to be a very moderate/social drinker going forward, or taking another year off to consolidate the gains. Nothing wrong with either, and I will be curious to see what you decide.

I would ask each one of you (and anyone else nearing the 1 year mark) to make a post on the day you actually complete the 1 year challenge, whether or not you choose to extend it. It is a real achievement and it should be noted, however briefly. It will be good for other guys on the thread who are in the middle of their wagon, or just thinking about it, to see these things on record -- it makes the whole thing that much more tangible. And it should be something that you take some time to reflect on and take pride in.

Post: #813

This is it. Complete. One full year.

For everyone else: Keep going. Work on other things outside of this one goal. You'll surprise yourself with what you can accomplish.

Post: #814

(12-27-2014 01:49 AM)philosophical_recovery Wrote:  This is it. Complete. One full year.

For everyone else: Keep going. Work on other things outside of this one goal. You'll surprise yourself with what you can accomplish.

Well done, and a +1 rep point from me.

Post: #815

I'm in as of 12/27.. rough first three days

Post: #816

BiggNastee, are you in for the full year?

Post: #817

Yessir

Post: #818

BiggNastee, welcome aboard as of December 27th, and I hope to hear more from you on the thread as time goes on.

About the rough days, that is to be expected and there may be more to come. Just take them in your stride -- it will get better but patience is required.

Post: #819

I haven't checked into this thread for a while. I once professed enthusiasm for Beyond Border's suggestion for how to stop drinking altogether. He suggested a book by Allen Carr.

Anyway, last time I had alcohol was early October 2013. I was skimming the forums and it hit me I passed the one year mark without noticing it. I think I'm just going to keep going.

For those who wonder, what really helped me:
* I switched my social scene a lot. I avoid nightclubs. Instead I've been working out and am meeting women during the day
* Before hitting the bars (the few times I do), I drink a massive amount of water and eat a bunch. This way, I don't feel like drinking/eating at the bar and it helps a lot of with staying sober
* Read Allen Carr's book, some gems regarding why we drink and being aware of the fact that we often times use it to relax (replaced with working out, meditating, reading) or as a social crutch (honestly I enjoy deep conversations with a few people far more than I ever enjoyed a night going out)

Post: #820

I've been sober for over a month now, but this is my official post to sign up for the challenge. No alcohol until NYE 2015.

Post: #821

Well I guess it's over. Lets close this thread out and go on to something bigger and better.

Post: #822

(12-30-2014 01:32 AM)Genghis Khan Wrote:  I haven't checked into this thread for a while. I once professed enthusiasm for Beyond Border's suggestion for how to stop drinking altogether. He suggested a book by Allen Carr.

Anyway, last time I had alcohol was early October 2013. I was skimming the forums and it hit me I passed the one year mark without noticing it. I think I'm just going to keep going.

For those who wonder, what really helped me:
* I switched my social scene a lot. I avoid nightclubs. Instead I've been working out and am meeting women during the day
* Before hitting the bars (the few times I do), I drink a massive amount of water and eat a bunch. This way, I don't feel like drinking/eating at the bar and it helps a lot of with staying sober
* Read Allen Carr's book, some gems regarding why we drink and being aware of the fact that we often times use it to relax (replaced with working out, meditating, reading) or as a social crutch (honestly I enjoy deep conversations with a few people far more than I ever enjoyed a night going out)

Great job. My question is how do your dates work? I'm trying to cut down on my drinking (I don't want to cut cold turkey), but I picture dating and sleeping with women more challenging -- unless you are targeting only recovering alcoholics or super healthy vegans. What are your first dates like? If it is at a bar, will she drink and not you?

Also, the idea of stone cold sober sex the first time is alien to me. Yes, I know people have done it and still do it (look at Mormons), but it is just foreign to me.

Post: #823

It's official. My year is up!

It's been a great ride with lots of benefits. I'm very glad to have done this.

I've decided to go back to drinking in 2015, albeit moderately and in social situations such as dates or when high quality liquor is on offer. However, my default state will still be to stay sober. If my drinking starts to descend into binges then it will be time to review this decision.

Happy New Year to all of you! And good luck.

Post: #824

(12-31-2014 05:38 PM)enderilluminatus Wrote:  I've been sober for over a month now, but this is my official post to sign up for the challenge. No alcohol until NYE 2015.

enderilluminatus, welcome aboard as of 1/1/2015, and hope to hear more from you on the thread over time.

Post: #825

(12-31-2014 07:39 PM)dreambig Wrote:  It's official. My year is up!

It's been a great ride with lots of benefits. I'm very glad to have done this.

I've decided to go back to drinking in 2015, albeit moderately and in social situations such as dates or when high quality liquor is on offer. However, my default state will still be to stay sober. If my drinking starts to descend into binges then it will be time to review this decision.

Happy New Year to all of you! And good luck.

Well done dreambig. Happy New Year and +1 rep point from me. Relish your drinks in 2015.