Post: #1

Latest number I got just went like this:

Prof: hey it's [Professor When]. how are you

Her: Hi, Just tying up odds and ends before school starts. Hope you had a good hike.

Prof: it was nice. lets get a drink this week. i'm free thurs or fri

Her: Please know I'm not ready for a relationship at all because I'm trying to make friends first. But I'd love to sit down and talk. Thursday or Friday.


I'm kind of getting tired of the endless cycle of LJBF and me having to ghost her. I'd like to try something different.

Do I just give her a place and time and escalate until she tells me to stop?

If so, how do I respond? I was thinking either joke it off: "It's drinks, not a proposal." Or give her an ultimatum "I don't make friends with women I find desirable."

Post: #2

"It's drinks, not a proposal" actually isn't bad. The other one sounded weird. It may be the reality of things, but how many people want to see reality?

Post: #3

No jokes on text, might be misunderstood.

Just meet her, talk, have some drinks, show dominance, escalate...

Post: #4

(09-03-2018 03:23 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  "It's drinks, not a proposal" actually isn't bad. The other one sounded weird. It may be the reality of things, but how many people want to see reality?

That's just my knee-jerk obnoxiousness. I'm learning to undo the muzzle I put on it in the service of politeness. The second one I read here as a response to the friendzone.

(09-03-2018 03:27 PM)Rocha Wrote:  No jokes on text, might be misunderstood.

Just meet her, talk, have some drinks, show dominance, escalate...

So just text a time and a place?

Post: #5

^^ Exactly. Just time and place.

Post: #6

Rocha is the man.

Post: #7

I should probably move this over to the What Do I Text Next thread, but since I'm already here...


After texting time and place: "You know, I've never been to a bar before. Can we go to a cafe on campus or the student center?"

Do I insist, or do I go to a cafe, then try to move to a bar? Or maybe a non bar location in town?

Post: #8

Just tell her the time and the place, no need for the extra line. Also never ask her to make a decision during the date, it shows weakness. Always phrase it like, "lets go check out this cafe/bar/event".

Post: #9

(09-03-2018 05:04 PM)louiebeans Wrote:  Just tell her the time and the place, no need for the extra line. Also never ask her to make a decision during the date, it shows weakness. Always phrase it like, "lets go check out this cafe/bar/event".

You misunderstood, I just texted: "[BAR]. see you thurs at 8"

She texted me the line about never having gone to a bar.

Post: #10

Oh yeah, my bad. Idk, see what Rocha has to say...

To me it seems like she is having LMR(last minute resistance) about going to a bar.

Post: #11

"There's a first time for everything" OR
"you can finally see the inside of a bar. Typically there's a dancing dolphin or two"

Just of the top of my head. I'm not a great texter either. However, the point is not to fold here (assuming she drinks, of course). It's a bad precedent to set, especially on the very first meet up.

If she pushes back again, move on.

Post: #12

(09-03-2018 05:22 PM)Professor When Wrote:  

(09-03-2018 05:04 PM)louiebeans Wrote:  Just tell her the time and the place, no need for the extra line. Also never ask her to make a decision during the date, it shows weakness. Always phrase it like, "lets go check out this cafe/bar/event".

You misunderstood, I just texted: "[BAR]. see you thurs at 8"

She texted me the line about never having gone to a bar.

Context...?

How old is she?

How old are you?

What country are you in?

How did you meet her?

Edit

(09-03-2018 03:19 PM)Professor When Wrote:  Her: Please know I'm not ready for a relationship at all because I'm trying to make friends first. But I'd love to sit down and talk. Thursday or Friday.[/b]

This could be a shit test or she's really saying "I dont want you to think Im a ho"

If so the "Its a drink not a proposal" is good.

Game 101: What a girl says is far less important than what she does...

Still...more context is needed

Post: #13

I agree with MPD text comeback. I would go with her regardless and try to escalate as much as possible. Sometimes when a girl brings up the LJBF, she shit testing you to see if you are afraid to lose her( agreeing to be friends instead of losing her). But the most important thing, look at her actions and body languages on the date and escalate appropriately from those actions showed to you

Post: #14

(09-03-2018 04:26 PM)Professor When Wrote:  I should probably move this over to the What Do I Text Next thread, but since I'm already here...


After texting time and place: "You know, I've never been to a bar before. Can we go to a cafe on campus or the student center?"

Do I insist, or do I go to a cafe, then try to move to a bar? Or maybe a non bar location in town?

Most important than if she went or no to a bar before, is if she drinks or not.

If she drinks, even better than taking her to a bar, is you picking up two flutes and a bottle of sparkling wine and drink it in the grass of the campus.

If she does not drink at all, it will be a tough mountain to escalate. But if so, yeah agree on meeting her anyway, student center, whatever, and then you can test the waters.

Post: #15

Context: She's 23, I'm 28. We're both from the USA. Met her at transfer student orientation, I was fucking around reading my book and she started chatting with me and followed me a bit. Although I didn't think much of it at the time, apparently this is the first time she's not going to be living with her parents. She might be a bit sheltered.

I ended up texting: "this is your chance to see a real live bar"

She blew me off, but it is possibly the funniest rejection I have ever gotten. My buddies and I got some laughs out of it at least. It reads like she's turning down my job application:

"[Professor When], thank you for reaching out to me. I don't think you would get what you're looking for from me. Please ask someone else who might be a better fit. I hope to see you around and keep talking to you!"



Thank you all for the guidance. I'm going to try to plow through the LJBF a little harder in the future, rather than ditching these girls immediately.

Post: #16

Kudos on taking a swing. I'd keep it cordial if you run into her again at uni, small chit-chat and what not. Her response was nice enough and who knows, maybe she'll indirectly wing for you one day if you both run in similar circles.

Post: #17

She didnt blow you off. She likes you but doesnt want you to think shes a ho. A girl that blows you off because shes not interested just ghosts

This happens with younger girls that have been sheltered.

With a slutty girl the attraction / comfort ratio can be unbalanced.

A bonafide cock jockey is good to go on 100 /0 attraction to comfort

A mid level slut can go at 80 /20

A "good girl" is going to need a more even balance of both attraction and comfort 60 / 40 or even 50 /50

Youre going too direct. Plausible deniability is your friend with a good girl

This is a classic "good girl" shit test.

Shit Test 101

She's looking for a boyfriend and she's afraid you aren't looking for a relationship.

Post: #18

(09-06-2018 10:22 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  She didnt blow you off. She likes you but doesnt want you to think shes a ho. A girl that blows you off because shes not interested just ghosts

This happens with younger girls that have been sheltered.

With a slutty girl the attraction / comfort ratio can be unbalanced.

A bonafide cock jockey is good to go on 100 /0 attraction to comfort

A mid level slut can go at 80 /20

A "good girl" is going to need a more even balance of both attraction and comfort 60 / 40 or even 50 /50

Youre going too direct. Plausible deniability is your friend with a good girl

This is a classic "good girl" shit test.

Shit Test 101

She's looking for a boyfriend and she's afraid you aren't looking for a relationship.

So what would be the move here? 2 days after her last comment I decided to give it another shot and texted her "Going to be at [campus cafe] at about 4 today. Join me." She just said "No."

I got rid of her number after that, but there's a dinner for the transfer students tonight and she'll probably be there. Is it worth giving something a shot?

Post: #19

(09-07-2018 11:23 AM)Professor When Wrote:  

(09-06-2018 10:22 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  She didnt blow you off. She likes you but doesnt want you to think shes a ho. A girl that blows you off because shes not interested just ghosts

This happens with younger girls that have been sheltered.

With a slutty girl the attraction / comfort ratio can be unbalanced.

A bonafide cock jockey is good to go on 100 /0 attraction to comfort

A mid level slut can go at 80 /20

A "good girl" is going to need a more even balance of both attraction and comfort 60 / 40 or even 50 /50

Youre going too direct. Plausible deniability is your friend with a good girl

This is a classic "good girl" shit test.

Shit Test 101

She's looking for a boyfriend and she's afraid you aren't looking for a relationship.

So what would be the move here? 2 days after her last comment I decided to give it another shot and texted her "Going to be at [campus cafe] at about 4 today. Join me." She just said "No."

I got rid of her number after that, but there's a dinner for the transfer students tonight and she'll probably be there. Is it worth giving something a shot?

Do you want to go to the dinner anyway? Without thinking about this girl, what do you want to do? When I get stood up on a date I force myself to go out, it's almost always more fun than staying inside and feeling bad. You don't have to go to the dinner but you have a chance to go to a social event, I recommend you go be social and try to have a good time.

I'll also tell you a secret, on some level she respects you more just on the fact that you made an attempt. She'll likely never admit it but it's true.

Post: #20

Im not a big fan of the one word text thing that everyone here seems to advocate, except with girls where u alreayd have 1000% attraction or already banged.

Texting has turned a lot of maybes and even a few nos into yes and never ruined anything for me.

She pretty much told you that she doesnt wanna go to a bar and you completely ignored that and came off as uncalibrated in your reply. What the girl lacked was a bit of comfort and you just kept pushing the "alpha" thing.

Your only chance now is to go beta for a bit.

Post: #21

Hey, so I was just thinking about this one again. At the beginning of the month I got this:

Hi [Prof], I just wanted to set things right and say I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I know you expected me to be more mature because of my age. I really hope you've gotten off to a good semester.



Other than responding "we're good" to that text, I haven't had any contact with her for the past few weeks. I assumed she was just trawling for attention. But now I was thinking about trying to restart with her and see if she's more open now. Any advice on how to go about this?

Post: #22

(10-21-2018 02:57 PM)Professor When Wrote:  Hey, so I was just thinking about this one again. At the beginning of the month I got this:

Hi [Prof], I just wanted to set things right and say I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I know you expected me to be more mature because of my age. I really hope you've gotten off to a good semester.



Other than responding "we're good" to that text, I haven't had any contact with her for the past few weeks. I assumed she was just trawling for attention. But now I was thinking about trying to restart with her and see if she's more open now. Any advice on how to go about this?

I would just ask, "Shall we try again," or, "This means you're ready for the date, right?"

Post: #23

Whenever a girl says or hints towards anything about being friends you should completely make that ability NOT in the mix for them. If she hints or tries to LJBF then tell her you have plenty of friends and don't need more which only gives her 2 options. Either you fuck or you buck so you don't waste time.

(Didn't really read the thread, I just wanted to give advice on what works for me when/if she tries to LJBF you).

Post: #24

(10-21-2018 02:57 PM)Professor When Wrote:  Hey, so I was just thinking about this one again. At the beginning of the month I got this:

Hi [Prof], I just wanted to set things right and say I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I know you expected me to be more mature because of my age. I really hope you've gotten off to a good semester.



Other than responding "we're good" to that text, I haven't had any contact with her for the past few weeks. I assumed she was just trawling for attention. But now I was thinking about trying to restart with her and see if she's more open now. Any advice on how to go about this?

Let me solve the attention part for you. I'll borrow a line of the Mark Manson book "The models"

1-Always assume attraction and assume no games .
Application in your case : She is attracted and she is not attention whore . You should assume if she is reaching out to you , she wants you to ask her out.
She still could be attention whore, but with mind set didn't cockblock yourself.
If I were you, I would text for a little bit and then ask her out again.

Post: #25

Yesterday I texted her "so, you ready for that date yet." She responded with a "no thank you," then a lengthy paragraph about a place I might like to work (I had previously mentioned getting bored at my job). She seems to want to spend time with me, but is opposed to dating.

We're getting coffee tomorrow. I really don't give a crap where this ends up, but I would like to do something other than tell her to fuck off. Do I act like the coffee is a date and just try to escalate? Help me turn this into a learning experience.