Post: #276

Day 24:

From Good to Bad

Today I woke up to a text from my date #2 from yesterday and promptly scheduled a date for the afternoon because I had two other dates lined up for today. I was worried about my main girl finding out so I left the evening open for her as well. I think I might have overdone it with lining dates because by the end of the first date I was dead tired.

Dating Frustrations:

I met up with her around 2pm. Things started off good. We hit the arcade and played bumper cars and some games. She even paid for all of the games while I paid for the bumper cars. Afterwards I ordered us drinks and we walked around the mall for a bit before she suggested that I buy her flowers because it was valentine's day. I already gave her a rose yesterday, wtf? Anyways I used that as an excuse to bounce her close to my place suggesting that they sell flowers at Ben Thanh Market. I held her hand while we walked over to Ben Thanh Market and got her a single white rose which increased her interest a bit. In order to try to bounce her over to my place now, I suggested that we go watch a movie and that it was frigging hot and humid and I needed to cool off and relax for a little bit before we go for food. I suspected my new hotel would give me shit for bringing over a girl so I bought somethings at the convenience store and had her help me carry some of the stuff. As expected as soon as I got through the doors and headed for the elevators, one of the guys stopped my girl and asked for her ID. He then asked if she was staying over but I said no so he left us alone as I brought her up to my room.

Right from the start, she gave me serious LMR, suggesting that I keep the door to our hotel open lol. I told her she was letting out all of the cool air from the air conditioner and that it was weird to keep the door open like that. After like 2 minutes I just shut the door and ignored her. She then picked to sit in some stool I had tucked away under one of the desks. There's 2 chairs that I had earlier dumped a bump of my clothing and luggage on to prevent her from sitting on them but I didn't expect her to grab the stool. Anyways, I didn't make a move on her yet because of the serious LMR so I toyed with tv but couldn't get the damn thing to work so I whipped out my laptop forcing her to lean in to see it but she wasn't taking the bait.

She kept a good distance between us so I decided to just relax and watch the movie for a bit and then went to the bathroom. When I returned, I noticed she had decided to sit on the edge of the bed and when I suggested that she move over, she wouldn't so I walked over to the other side of the bed and tried to get close to her. She wouldn't lean back into the bed rest but instead had her legs in a criss cross fashion and was upright. I knew she wasn't ready yet. I grabbed the computer and slowly inched it closer and closer to us to try and force her to lean back and after several minutes had pasted, she finally did, sort of. I think there was probably where I fucked up the most by not trying to escalate on her right away, although that may also have frightened her so who knows. She then called her father at around the 30 minute mark, which made me feel like I had to hurry but she didn't appear ready and had a closed off body position. Her focus was entirely on the movie.

I wasn't sure if I should have made a move on her or not because of her non-verbals but then several minutes later, she called her dad and told him she was ready to leave. I was like wtf. She turns to me and says she's leaving in a few minutes. I was thinking shit, I have to get to work and started to escalate on her by placing my hand behind her back and rubbing her skin gently but she was completely apathetic and glued to the computer screen. Then all of a sudden, she turns towards me says she has to go now and gets up from the bed and starts putting her shoes on. I tried to plead with her to stay longer but she wouldn't budge while I increased kino and became more touchy feely with her. I must have spent like a good 10 minutes trying to overcome her objections but she just walked to the door and opened it and walked outside the elevator. I told her ok fine, I'll come take you then but let's go rest for 5 minutes only but she wouldn't come back in and said she would wait for me outside. She then whips out her phone again and calls her dad.

I was kind of pissed off at this point. I got her all the way back to my hotel room but she wouldn't let me escalate and do nothing to further the date. I was thinking I could have scheduled another girl in this time slot instead of wasting my time here, especially after buying her a stupid fucking flower. I said fine, got dressed and then started to walk towards Saigon Center where she was meeting her father. I was completely apathetic and didn't speak to her at all while we walked. I punished her by withdrawing all of my attention and I'm sure she felt the big tension between us but I didn't give a shit. I was fucking pissed off and frustrated. I got her all the way to my hotel and then she called the date off within an hour.

Anyways when we got to the inside of the mall, she called her dad and said he was coming down. There was no fucking way I was going to meet her father, fuck that! I just waved her goodbye and took off downstairs to buy some food and something to drink to cool off. I was still fuming inside because of what happened. It's fucking valentine's day and she called off the date at around 5pm to go meet with her dad, wtf. Who the fuck has a 5pm curfew? My main girl also texted me asking me what I was doing so I suggested a later meetup with her at 8pm.

While this was going on, I had received several texts from my next date. I finished my food and headed over to Vincom mall to meet my next date. We had agreed to meet there at 6pm in front of Zara but when I got there, she was nowhere to be found. After a tedious back and forth text exchange, I got fed up and really pissed off. She tried to change the meeting location and wouldn't pick up her phone when I called her. She sent me some bullshit photo of some place that I had no idea of. After several more text exchanges, I gave her an ultimatum, either get her ass down there in 5 minutes or I'm going home. She tried to give me the run around so I told the date was off, I'm going home. Fuck this shit, I don't need this shit from any chick. I was fucking angry and pissed off at both chicks for putting me through this bullshit so I just headed back home to take a shower and nap for a little bit.

I was even contemplating cancelling meeting my main girl because of my bad mood and because she asked me if I wanted to hangout with her and her friends or just meet tomorrow. I figured since it's valentine's day and I didn't want to be alone and also if I can get the friends to like me, it will even further the relationship so I went along with it.

The little break I took definitely helped as I felt my spirits being lifted up again and my mood changed. I arrived at the Saigon center to meetup with her. I was actually kind of scared now because of my first date earlier today. I was worried that I might run into her or that even some of the employees would recognize me. I meetup with her at the top floor and then was escorted over to meet her friends who looked surprisingly very mature and older then what I expected, late 20's to early 30's. There was even two kids there that belonged to one of them.

None of her friends spoke any English except for one guy who was the bf of one of the girls. I tried to play things cool and be social and friendly. The dude was friendly but tried to shit test me a few times but I fired back and returned the teases. The two girls that she was with were initially standoffish but slowly warmed up once they heard me speak a little Vietnamese or at least attempt to. I also tried to play with the two kids to give off that friendly vibe. I overheard her friends suggest to her to take me to some places in Vietnamese. After they finished eating, her friends suggested we take some photos together both with her friends and me and me with my girl alone. I suppose I won them over as they probably wouldn't do that if they didn't like me. I couldn't take my girl home today because she had to drive one of the girls home so we agreed to meet tomorrow afternoon.

After dealing with all of that bullshit today, I'm actually kind of glad to have this chick. She gives me very little bs and seems low maintenance with the exception of being a little needy through her text messages. She and her friends kept on hinting on bigger commitments by teasing me about her getting married next year and also if I will return back soon. Overall not too bad and I think I left a positive impression on her friends.

Closing thoughts:

I'm at the point right now where I just have a very low tolerance for female bullshit. I gave that girl the boot when she refused to put out and then kicked the other one to the curb when she wouldn't meet at the agreed upon place and cancelled the date. My life is already stressful as it is right now, I don't need more female drama in it.

I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get to fuck that chick after getting her all the way into my hotel room. I'm running outta time and would have liked to have fucked another chick before I leave her but it appears it isn't meant to be.

Do you guys think I did the right thing by completely withdrawing my attention from her as a form of punishment or should I have just kept it cool and pretended nothing happened?

How should I have dealt with the LMR from her?

Post: #277

Destiny,

Some ideas to ponder:

Some things you did well

- Getting several girls to meet up with you
- Having fun on dates
- Brings girls back to your room
- Openly reflecting in detail

Some things you can improve on

- Neediness to get laid
- Lack of calibration to girls' signals
- Sense of entitlement to sex
- Anger with a lack of banging or compliance

Some of this may be difficult for you to swallow, however if you actively incorporate the following advice into your behaviour and thinking then I am confident you will see better results and enjoy greater emotional-mental health.

(02-14-2017 12:57 PM)destiny Wrote:  ...She turns to me and says she's leaving in a few minutes. I was thinking shit, I have to get to work and started to escalate on her by placing my hand behind her back and rubbing her skin gently but she was completely apathetic and glued to the computer screen. Then all of a sudden, she turns towards me says she has to go now and gets up from the bed and starts putting her shoes on. I tried to plead with her to stay longer but she wouldn't budge ...I punished her by withdrawing all of my attention and I'm sure she felt the big tension between us but I didn't give a shit. I was fucking pissed off and frustrated. I got her all the way to my hotel and then she called the date off within an hour

...I'm at the point right now where I just have a very low tolerance for female bullshit. I gave that girl the boot when she refused to put out and then kicked the other one to the curb when she wouldn't meet at the agreed upon place and cancelled the date. My life is already stressful as it is right now, I don't need more female drama in it.

Suggested solutions and considerations:

Work on calibration

You seem to ignore a lot of clear "no" signals, as if you can bulldoze through resistance. I don't know what pick up material you have absorbed, but you must get out of your head and into the moment, which means paying close attention to the girls' behaviour and reaction to you. In this instance the girl showed many signs that she was not anywhere close to ready for sex, yet you still persisted even though she:

- suggested you keep the hotel door open
- sat on a stool away from you
- sat away from you on the bed
- kept her distance on the bed even after you inched towards her
- didn't open her body language
- called her father (!)
- told you she was leaving in a few minutes (!!)
- started putting her shoes on (!!!)

The most glaring lack of calibration was your repeated escalation even after she had called her dad and so on. Honestly this is a bit alarming and I hope you seriously re-think how and when to escalate.

When she called her dad it was 100% over and "punishing" her with silence afterwards only proved to her that you were utterly dependent on the outcome. This was far from you justifiably punishing her for bad behaviour; rather, it was you sulking for not getting laid, end of story.

Learning calibraton takes time and practice. Now, if you're at the point of wondering if you should escalate when a girl is calling her dad and getting ready to leave, the best advice I can give you is the following:

-->> If she pulls back or gives you a "no" signal, please do NOT keep pushing or plead for compliance. Rather, give her some space and pull back yourself before even thinking about trying again <<--

Lower your expectations

You seem very angry in regards to what you deem to be female "bullshit" and "drama". However I see nothing wrong with the girl's behaviour.

You just lost your virginity, which is great. But that doesn't give you the right to demand every girl to suddenly drop their panties just because you hung out for a few hours. This girl's resistance and walkout is completely understandable and not in any way "bullshit". Likewise, a girl meeting you for a date on valentines day and expecting romantic gestures like getting a rose is completely normal - it's not a "WTF" moment. Also, flaky or non-committed behaviour is a non-negotiable part of the game, especially for a rookie. Remember - women owe you nothing.

If you come back after putting in the hard yards for a couple of years then perhaps having such high standards would be more justified.

Enjoy the process

* Practice gratefulness. Before going to bed each night, write down 3 things you appreciated about your day. This will help to train your mind to be more grateful for the exciting life you have.

* Have more fun and stop taking the dating process so seriously. Although competence builds both confidence and enjoyment, it's still possible to have lots of fun even as a rookie in the game. The #1 reason I lasted so long in the game, despite all my failures, was because I focused on having fun above all. Ask yourself, "how much fun can we have?" rather than "how do I get the bang ASAP?"

The mindset of fun has other benefits such as focusing your energy in the moment rather than being emotionally dependent on any sexual outcome...

Kill the thirst

I've read debates on whether a woman can sense if a guy is getting laid or not. In my experience, many women -- especially hot women -- absolutely can perceive your sense of calmness, detachment and other implicit cues of thirst. Considering that I can smell the neediness seeping all through your writing, it is 100% guaranteed that the girls feel it too.

Being needy for sex or approval is not only anti-seductive, it increases a womans' defensiveness and self-perceived-value, and moreover takes a heavy toll on your emotional health and has links to unhelpful attitudes.

* If you are overwhelmed by horniness, then by all means jerk it before you go on a date. Although I generally subscribe to the benefits of NoFap for reasons of prostate health, high energy levels, and motivation to persist, being too horny is a recipe for unrestrained thirstiness and therefore should be carefully managed. Your logical mind will be hijacked by your emotional-reptilian impulses to pass on your genes -- at any cost -- and all rational thoughts go out the window (e.g., by raw-dogging randoms or, in this, persisting in the face of clear disinterest). Too much libido = no chill.

* Practice psychological detachment from outcomes with women. For instance, if you look 6 months into the future, are you even gonna remember these randoms that didn't put out? Cultivating a mindset of 'preferences' rather than 'needs' will go a long way here, e.g: "It would be nice to bang her, but if I don't then that's also cool."

* Develop a life purpose that is more important than getting laid. Find interests outside of women that excite you, give you intrinsic meaning, and the potential for achievement. Having a purpose bigger than women = less reliance on female approval for validation.

* Get some more leads. More options = less neediness.

Practice patience

* Cultivating a mindset of calm, unflappable patience will take you far with women and will make your life more enjoyable. First, you need to spend more time building value with women in person before you can hook up. Second, these internal issues will not change overnight; instead, they will take continuous practice and discipline to manage.

* Similarly, LMR will not magically disappear once you start working on these internal beliefs, but it will reduce over time. Work on your emotional stability, mental attitudes, social abundance and life purpose first, and then perhaps a discussion of more advanced LMR tactics would be warranted.

Summary

You have made a lot of progress recently. Now, if you take action in relation to chilling out, being patient, paying attention, and having fun, then over time this will lead to greater success with women and a better quality of life.

Links

- RE: How does one deal with a long dry spell? The thrist, mental and physical frustration
- On detachment
- Dusty - Book Study: A Guide to Rational Living
- Franco: Neediness Management

Post: #278

Plot twist: "dad" is not her dad haha

Post: #279

Day 25:

Combating Neediness

After reading what Dream Medicine wrote, I decided to heed his advice and evaluated my neediness which I started to notice early into the day by the way I texted my main chick asking her what she was doing. I took a little break and walked around Saigon center, hoping to game the store employees but didn't see any girls above a 5 working so I didn't bother. I headed over to Vincom mall to hang around the arcade instead. I was bored as fuck and needed to kill some time for my date later in the evening with my main chick. I've pretty much given up trying to look for new leads and prospects due to my trip ending soon and I suppose this was causing some of my neediness. I felt kind of lonely and wanted some company. Luckily while I was chilling out at Vincom mall, I received messages from two old leads. One of them wrote me some big ass message about how she felt about me and coming to ho chi minh city and vincom mall all alone. She mentioned that she checks whatsapp like 20 times a day to see if I online and if messaged her and now she will never use it ever again because of me. This one was the one I was supposed to meet yesterday at Vincom mall but she was being stupid and playing games so I gave her the boot.

The second chick also flaked on me yesterday and then accused me of not liking her because I didn't send her a message saying happy valentines day. I flipped the script on her and accused her of not being serious about meeting me and caring only about her work and getting her to qualify herself to me instead. She wants to meet me tmr at 4pm for an hour. I agreed but not really sure how I'm gonna manage to meet her because I'm meeting my main chick tmr around the same time lol. Thank god for having both of these chicks message me because it certainly helped kill my neediness and needing validation.

Things are starting to get serious

Me and my main chick have seen each other several times now and I've now met her friends. Things seem to be more serious now between us, although I don't think I could trust her 100% but I can tell she's really into me though, which is great. I remembered Dream Medicine's advice and focused on having fun. We met up at the Saigon center and then we fooled around in the kids section in the mall where I cracked her up along with an employee. We then headed over to the Bitexco tower where we had a drink overlooking the entire city. It was a beautiful romantic view and I'm sure it made her dig me even more. Later, we bought takeout and headed back into my hotel where we banged it out. I fucked the shit outta her and made her cum multiple times and now my bedsheets are ruined lol. She keeps on bringing up my facebook, wanting to add me and stuff which I used to accuse her of wanting to spy on me lol. We cuddled and embraced for a quite a while and then I sent her on her way home. We agreed to meet tmr and she will drive me around the city. It will be my last night with a hotel tmr.

Post: #280

Day 27:

Caught!


So after spending a day with my main girl and having her drive me around the city and us just spending some time together, when we finally got back to my hotel, I found my aunt standing outside of my hotel and calling out to me. Shit! I thought. I had no choice but to introduce her to my aunt and soon my uncle as well who came out of the hotel. I could tell meditatively by my aunt's body language that she didn't approve of my girl. I had earlier in the mall discussed with her about possibly introducing her to my family really quickly because of my grandma's birthday the next day and me not having a hotel room anymore. She agreed to but I also said if at any point she didn't feel comfortable, we wouldn't go through with it but now it was too late. I spoke with my aunt and uncle about possibly introducing her to the family and my parents. They both agreed but said that I should call and ask my parents first before bringing a chick home. The very next day when I spoke with my aunt didn't really say much and was pretty neutral when we talked after I had gotten the OK from my folks. I could tell though from her body language she wasn't too pleased with my girl but was just trying to give me face.

We had a family lunch together along with my girl and then my relatives said to tell her to come to the family dinner at a restaurant this evening. My main girl shows up to pick me up and drive me to the place. While at dinner, One of my cousins kept on asking my date questions and showed interest in her or it could have just have been me being jealous lol. Also my date asked several questions about one of my other cousins but I think I was just being insecure about it or it could be a yellow flag, who knows. Anyways the same cousin kept on pestering my date to drink beer and she finally relented as did I. My date drank like maybe half a bottle of beer while my aunt came over to our table to take photos. This point is very important as I will later refer back to it. I didn't really give a shit about this family dinner and just wanted to spend my last second night or so fucking my chick or something else more low key but agreed to this shit to please the family.

We took several family shots together along with several with me and my girl together alone. I had told my girl that I wanted her to come sleep over tonight which was probably a mistake because the hotel that I am staying at is almost directly in front of my uncle's house and alot of family is there. My girl was worried about my parents and relatives seeing her go inside but I tried to reassure her about it and she finally agreed. I probably shouldn't have brought her over but it was my second last night in Ho Chi Minh City and I was sick and tired of getting constantly cockblocked by my relatives. I even stopped answering their fucking phone calls because they kept on harassing me calling multiple times a day. So against my better judgement, I convinced her to come over after she had went home and grabbed her things. While discussing plans with her for the evening my cousins yet again tried to cockblock me non-deliberately but suggesting that I go out with them to some fucking beer club and get wasted and said I could take my girl. I played it off cool and said I was tired after my girl had left and gone home to grab her things. When I got back to my hotel, I texted her to drive directly into my hotel's parking lot located inside the building and come directly up to my room.

She forgot to check her phone and instead showed up back at my uncle's house after I had gone back to my hotel. My cousin called me so I had to go back downstairs to grab her but then my cousin was pestering me about going again but I told her NO! I told him my girl was just going to drive me around the area and then drop me off. Unfortunately when we got back, there were still at in front of my uncle's house. My girl told me we have to go with them now and can't stay. I was kind of pissed off but relented. While waiting for my cousins to get ready, I got called into the living room by my aunt. She is like be very careful of this girl or she's gonna eat you alive. She's like I was watching her like a hawk at the restaurant. I saw that she was drinking beer. I was thinking that's fucking ridiculous. My cousin kept on pestering her to drink beer and she had like half a bottle at most. My aunt then says my cousin told her the area where my girl lives. It's apparently a sketchy area and the girls in that area are known for being bad or something. She told me to not take the girl seriously and just use her for fun and that's it. This really bothered me. I felt quite disappointed in my family and upset about everything.

Why couldn't they just be happy for me? No, every little happiness or success, they have to steal it away from me. I was extremely bothered by what she said and when I returned back to my girl, she could tell something was upsetting me. She asked if my aunt wasn't happy with her. I tried to reassure her it that it wasn't because of that, but she knew it was because of her and that my family didn't like her. Why the hell did I go through with it? My cousins took me to that bullshit area called Pham Ngu Lao which was populated with trash. They ordered food and then pestered me to have a beer but I was confused and dead tired. My girl tried to get me to eat but I was already fucking stuffed and not in the mood. After wasting 2 hours of my time that I could have used for something else, we finally left and I snuck her inside of the hotel. Because she was on her period, we didn't have sex but I did a lot of foreplay and she gave me a blowjob and let me cum inside of her mouth. She just cuddled for the rest of the night...


Thoughts

I'm really confused right now. I mean prior to introducing her to my parents, I already didn't fully trust her 100% because of her bedroom experience and the fact that she once asked me if she needed to give her ID when I tried to sneak her into one of the hotels during our second date but other then that, I didn't really see anything wrong with her. There wasn't really any red flags or anything and her friends checked out and seemed normal. After the talk with my aunt and all of the bullshit my relatives and family have said about online dating and about her without even really knowing her, I feel like they just wanna crap all over my successes. My aunt tried to introduce me to some old "31" year old hag who looked old enough to be my mother. I mean seriously, wtf? She told me that this woman is "safe" and has never had a bf or dated before. Gee I wonder why? Why the fuck would I want to get involved with someone like that? I'm not gonna sell myself short just because of my need to get their approval. It's my happiness, not there's.

I suspect my aunt was kind of jealous that I had picked this girl over the girl she wanted me to date and is now kind of pissed off at her. Who knows. I'm so confused right now, and questioning everything between me and the girl. I mean I know girls are very good at bullshitting but her non-verbals don't reveal any red flags, if anything I would consider her a little clingy, always wanting to hug and cuddle with me, always wanting to grab my hand and put it around her shoulder. If this mean's she's trying to play me for a fool, then I obviously don't know jack about women but my intuition tells me otherwise.

Post: #281

Day 28:

I woke up around 7:15am to the sound of my alarm. I quickly got ready and told my girl to get ready so that I could sneak her out before my aunt calls or comes by. While walking down the stairs, I saw my father walking towards his room and immediately motioned for my girl to stop with my back hand. Then I tried to distract them and told her to go. Luckily, I managed to sneak her to her motorbike and she immediately took off. I then made my way over to my uncle's house where my aunt was already waiting for me. Just then, mother comes out of nowhere and asks why my girl was at my place so early. Fuck! My father knows. I told my mother some lie about her forgetting her phone and soon changed the subject. I then walk up the stairs to where my mom is and overhears my aunt talking shit about my girl to my mom. She says my grandmother who was a stroke says my girl is a ghost and that I should shoo her away. She said after my girl shook hands with her, she felt like she was a ghost. My aunt kept on saying this to my mother. I was thinking wtf? This sounds so fucking ridiculous. Like seriously? This is the reason why you don't want me to go see her anymore? My mother saw me standing there by the stairs and is like "ok" to my aunt to hush her up but it was too late. My aunt then sees me and is like I don't care, you heard what your grandmother said. I didn't shit, except what you said. Me and my aunt and uncle then went to eat some Banh Mi Op La (bread with eggs) nearby where my aunt basically told me how this girl was no good for me. She repeated herself "she's no good, just for fun." I was really pissed off but was holding my tongue out of respect. We had a little friendly chat where I basically told her, I have been played before and have experience. Don't worry about me. She said any girl that lets you hold hands during the first time or is touching or cuddling with you in front of elders are no good. That was fucking retarded. This is completely normal in North America and to condemn someone for showing me affection out in public is stupid. She also mentioned that my father doesn't approve of her and doesn't like her so now he's pissed off at me. When I got back home, my father completely ignored me and just walked past me. What a fucking great family eh?

Some of my relatives soon arrived so I kept them company while also helping my parents pack when suddenly I received a text from my girl asking me if we could meet. We agreed to meet in the afternoon and I already told my aunt about it being a final farewell and she gave me her blessing so that it wouldn't be a problem. At around 2pm, my aunt helped me sneak out but one of my other aunts saw me leave the hotel while everyone was getting ready to eat lunch. My girl drove me downtown to some gift shop and bought me a big teddy bear as a going away gift. I don't know about you, but if a girl really wanted to fuck you over I wouldn't think she would go taking you around town to buy you a gift and also be cuddling and touchy feely with you at all times, even if it means risking her reputation. We went out for lunch and drinks right after and had a talk. I invited her to come see me off tomorrow saying it might make my family think she is more sincere about it. At first she was onboard about it and even called her mother to tell her she wasn't coming home today but then changed her mind when she asked me if it would cause problems with the family. I didn't want to force her or anything so I just said ok.

After that, we drove me home and had her motorbike right in front of my hotel. She was afraid of being affectionate because of what happened yesterday so just stood oddly beside me even though she wanted to hug me so I told her "alright, just come in for a little bit." As soon as we got back to my hotel room though, this girl got on top of me and started to button my shirt and cuddled up against me. "So smooth, so cute." she kept on saying. She then looks at my pants, hinting at wanting to give me a blowjob. I was little torn up inside about everything and this being our last time together but she convinced me to let her give me one final blowjob. Holy smokes, it felt amazing and she let me cum inside of her mouth too. After she washed up, we cuddled for quite a while and she just kept on kissing me all over my face and head and hugged me very tightly. Either I'm completely under her spell, or she genuinely really liked me. I picked her up, hugging her tightly and swung her around before dropping her back to the ground. We went downstairs and then said our final goodbyes. As she got , I felt this intense emotion inside of me, and I was trying really hard not to let tears come down my eyes. Who would known that this would happen to me. Damn, I'm still feeling these intense emotions while I'm writing this right now.

What do you guys think? Was I being played and manipulated or is my family just batshit crazy?

So I guess that's it for this trip. I managed to lose my virginity and get into a mini-relationship with this girl. I'm flying out tomorrow morning. See yall back in Canada!

Post: #282

The honest truth:

1- you have a lot of maturing to do as a person. Youre smart and analytical but sometimes the posts are a bit childlike in your attitude. Its normal considering how overbearing your family is. But still, you should work on that. You sometimes come off as naive and entitled as sheltered or spoiled people can be.

2- with that said, it doesnt mean that the girl is any good. Its kind of random and typical of new to getting laid guys to get quickly tangled into stuff. You have no experience in the culture and little experience with girls. Your aunts arguments are ridiculous but either way you shouldnt jump into a serious thing like that so soon.

Post: #283

Ever since I've gotten back from my trip from Vietnam, I've been doing a lot of thinking. In some instances the trip helped resolve some issues and provide some answers while at the same time, it created new questions and uncertainties.

It was a great feeling for the first time in my life, I actually had some semblance of a normal relationship with a girl. She treated me well and was very low maintenance. Once when we were at the movie theaters when I mentioned that I was thirsty, she quickly got up from the seat, ran out to the concession stand and got me a soda without me even asking her. She loves to cuddle in bed and is very affectionate even outside, always grabbing my arms and putting it around her shoulder or something. She even started to feed me lol. On my last few days left in Vietnam, she drove me around on her motorbike and then got me a big teddy bear as a going away gift for me. She even offered to pay for lunch but I didn't let her. I have never been treated so nicely by any chick who I ever dated before, especially from Canada like this. In fact the complete opposite, constant flakes, attitude and arrogance, pretending to want to pay for her share of the meal, etc. It's easy to see why I didn't want to let her go especially since I have no options at home.
She's been texting me nearly everyday and we video chat quite often, saying she misses me and has put a photo of a cup I got her as a going away present as her cover photo on facebook. She even told me about her ex from Singapore who had texted her several days ago, saying he misses her and that he's gonna ask her mother if he can marry her. She sent me a screenshot of him being needy and saying how he's gonna ask her mother for her hand in marriage even though she responded and called him crazy a few times. She's quite clingy and needy saying she misses me and asks me all the time if I miss her. I need to figure out a way to text and video chat with her less because I'm worried that the attraction will be lost if we speak too often. I think ideally 1-2 times a month should be enough.

We agreed that I would be back sometime in 6-12 months from now and that she would wait for me. She thinks 6 but I'm looking to stretch that to about 8-9 months.

I can start to feel a bit of the neediness from my end now that I've left Vietnam due to having virtually no dating options here. I don't want to end up like her ex being needy and clingy like that. In order to try and combat this, I showed up at my boxing class this week and found only 2 females in my class. One was shorter and already had a dude which left a slightly taller Asian chick with a back shoulder tattoo. I started talking to her. She's nowhere near the same level of quality as my main chick back in Vietnam but I need to get rid of this neediness, so she will do for now. I also matched with several chicks on tinder as well and started talking to them.

Now here's my dilemma. I know my dating life here in Toronto will be virtually non-existent if I stay here but I can focus on working on improving my career here, although the options are kind of limited for my field of study. I could take a vacation once a year abroad but the problem is that we are usually only entitled to 2-3 weeks of paid vacation a year, maybe 4 for senior level staff. That's no where near enough time to fly off and date someone and really get to know them. I wouldn't be comfortable bringing a women back from abroad here to live with me if I only spent like 1 month getting to know her. This leaves me in a quite the predicament. I've come up with two options and I hope either one works out for me.

1.
Work some mediocre job here in the greater toronto area, save up for 8-9 months of work, then take off to Vietnam again for about 4-6 weeks to calm my chicks nerves and also date some other girls on the side to continue to get some more experience dating and to hone my skills. It will also give me more time to get to know my main chick and see if there's any red flags or if she's gf material and potentially wife material for later down the line.

Then look for some career type of jobs in Poland when I return. I have seen a good amount of entry level office jobs in Poland which would be fairly good for improving my resume and career. I can't really go to Poland right now because I spent all of my money during my travels. I have a few contacts in Poland as well which could help me with searching for jobs. I'm fairly certain I can land something decent there assuming they take care of the paperwork, if not, I can apply for a working holiday visa with my savings which would make things easier for them.

When I land in Poland, I could also continue dating chicks in Poland or travel around all of Europe on weekends as well to continue honing my skills with women. My vacation time could then be used to travel back to Vietnam in 2 week bursts spread throughout the year. In either case, I would have an abundance of options in terms of dating either in Poland, europe or in Vietnam. Assuming everything goes well with the chick in Vietnam and I've screened her properly and made sure she ain't just after a greencard, I could potentially sponsor her and bring her over to Canada in 2-3 years from now and have a family or replace her with someone else. Also I would have better career prospects due to having more international experience as well as more experience in general and could land a better job when I return.

Pro: Can continue dating my main chick and get situation sorted out. Can date both white chicks in Europe plus Vietnamese chicks in Vietnam. Can help improve and advance my career down the line. Can screen and continue to develop a relationship with my main girl and see if she has gf potential and someday even wife potential.

Con: Need to save up quite a bit of money to pull it off. Will need to travel back and forth a few times to Vietnam in order to continue dating my main chick or Asian chicks in general. Much lower salary for jobs in Poland. Not really sure how I would explain this to main chick that I want to move to Poland for 1-3 years to work on my career.

2.
Try to land a job in a 4 or 5 star hotel in Vietnam. I would probably need to work from the bottom up in front desk or something but following the instructions from this thread /thread-54801.html, I could see myself moving up quickly within a few years to perhaps a managerial role. I don't know the likelihood though of being able to transfer back into Canada though once I've been abroad. I considered teaching English as well but the salary was quite low and let's face it, there's no career prospects in being an English teacher. I mentioned both options to my main chick and she appeared less then enthusiastic saying I should just stay in Canada because she doesn't want me to suffer in vietnam.

Pros: Can date my main girl long term, as well as other chicks in Vietnam. Can also request a transfer later on to another region like Europe. Accommodations + food? would be covered by the hotel which means most of my salary would go into my pocket.

Con: Salary is quite low from what I read. Not sure if I can realistically land a job though without speaking Vietnamese. Career suicide if it doesn't work out?

Last resort:

The other choice for me is to stay and rot here in Toronto. Try to find a decent level job, slave away with very little social life, very poor dating prospects and use my measly 2 weeks of vacation a year to go travel to Vietnam or somewhere else to date the women. I could potentially try to buy the girl a plane ticket to come visit me during her vacation time but the time away and cost of doing this makes it very unfeasible. Also I cannot screen her for ltr potentially due to not being able to spend a lot of time with her. Bringing her back to Canada without doing this represents a big risk.

I'm kind of leaning towards the first option right now although the second option is not bad too. I'm so confused right now on which option to take.

Post: #284

I think you are thinking way too far ahead with your Vietnamese chick. The attraction from both sides will wear off after a few months. I had the same happening when I was 17. Felt in love with a Russian chick which I met on a family holiday in Turkey back then. I was making plans how I would move to Russia and what not. But after a few months our text messages and Emails (no Facebook or Whatsapp back then) got less and less we lost touch but it did not hurt me at all.

And what I also don't understand is why you are so obsessed with Poland? I follow your journey almost from the beginning and you did not have any success at all in Poland so why do you want to live there so badly? Warsow for example almost feels like a very Western European city. It can be only interesting if you are able to get into the circles with Ukrainian and Belorussian university girls.

Career wise a move to London or Berlin would be much better for you. You could make trips to Poland every weekend. And also your looks and game might suit more within an international environment you will find in London or Berlin. Also in London you would be able to date pretty much any kind on nationality if you know where to hang out.

Anyways good look on your journey and keep us updated.

Post: #285

(02-27-2017 03:40 AM)superschalk Wrote:  I think you are thinking way too far ahead with your Vietnamese chick. The attraction from both sides will wear off after a few months. I had the same happening when I was 17. Felt in love with a Russian chick which I met on a family holiday in Turkey back then. I was making plans how I would move to Russia and what not. But after a few months our text messages and Emails (no Facebook or Whatsapp back then) got less and less we lost touch but it did not hurt me at all.

And what I also don't understand is why you are so obsessed with Poland? I follow your journey almost from the beginning and you did not have any success at all in Poland so why do you want to live there so badly? Warsow for example almost feels like a very Western European city. It can be only interesting if you are able to get into the circles with Ukrainian and Belorussian university girls.

Career wise a move to London or Berlin would be much better for you. You could make trips to Poland every weekend. And also your looks and game might suit more within an international environment you will find in London or Berlin. Also in London you would be able to date pretty much any kind on nationality if you know where to hang out.

Anyways good look on your journey and keep us updated.

Yup this is why I want to capitalize on it before it wears off. I'm sick of being stuck here and getting nowhere with the women and all of the women that I met abroad I end up losing because I'm here. I was videochatting with my girl like yesterday and her friend mentioned to her that because of my zodiac sign, I have bad luck in love and relationships. I'm just sick of getting nowhere with women and when I finally have some success, it feels like its taken away from me immediately. Going over to Vietnam and dating was like complete night and day compared to both Toronto and Europe.

Well I'm looking at it not just from a dating perspective but also quality of life. I had a blast in Krakow despite not having much success there and I made a lot of friends there as well, who could help me out with things. I don't think London would be the answer, lots of guys leave London because apparently the dating scene there is really bad. In fact, I think I would be discriminated against in dating with the local chicks because of my minority background. I only matched with 1 chick on tinder who was from Australia when I was in vietnam despite their being a crap tonne of Anglo speaking chicks from UK, USA, Canada. I mean if Europe is not the answer then I'm hitting SEA especially Vietnam or China could be it but staying here in Toronto definitely isn't.

I just want to get the hell outta here.

Post: #286

You have to build your way up to those Anglo (white) chicks.

White chicks are the most valued women in the world bro and you have to understand you are crossing racial lines (just like I am). You are going to have headwinds.

You are JUST starting to have success. You aren't going to get those girls overnight. Its a process. You CANNOT judge your level of success with them based off of Tinder. I do garbage on Tinder because I am black and do much better at night game... and thats because I trained those skills for YEARS to get where I am today. I been following you for a while and you have developed some overall skills but you aren't an expert at ONE SINGLE aspect of game yet. You haven't found your niche yet. When you finally do youll see more of the results you are looking for.

I don't doubt Toronto is bad and you need to get out there.

Post: #287

(02-27-2017 08:48 AM)kirdiesel Wrote:  You have to build your way up to those Anglo (white) chicks.

White chicks are the most valued women in the world bro and you have to understand you are crossing racial lines (just like I am). You are going to have headwinds.

You are JUST starting to have success. You aren't going to get those girls overnight. Its a process. You CANNOT judge your level of success with them based off of Tinder. I do garbage on Tinder because I am black and do much better at night game... and thats because I trained those skills for YEARS to get where I am today. I been following you for a while and you have developed some overall skills but you aren't an expert at ONE SINGLE aspect of game yet. You haven't found your niche yet. When you finally do youll see more of the results you are looking for.

I don't doubt Toronto is bad and you need to get out there.

That is also another reason why I need to get the hell outta here. If I stay here my skills will never improve and remain stagnant or even worse digress. I just started to see some success and need to maintain this momentum and keep on going, otherwise I will return back to my old sad miserable self. I need to go somewhere else where I can at least expect some level of results for putting in the effort. The ROI in Toronto is extremely low and most guys I know have given up on dating entirely.

Post: #288

(02-27-2017 08:48 AM)kirdiesel Wrote:  You have to build your way up to those Anglo (white) chicks.

White chicks are the most valued women in the world bro and you have to understand you are crossing racial lines (just like I am). You are going to have headwinds.

Not in my experience.

I've gamed and bed Asian girls occasionally and they are no easier to game than white chicks. The initial opening might seem easy , but these girls love dragging it out.

I know it was just bullshit playing game on their part because I can pull very cute white chicks.

Its the same thing with pulling a 9. If you can pull a 7 you have the game to pull a 9. The only difference is that you dont have access to the 9s like the 7s.

OP's situation right now, he doesn't have access to 7s grade women yet, and his game both inner and technical are still very weak. He can barely manages his life, family and emotion. Someone say because of his zodiac sign he has difficulty with women, and he let that affects him.

I say that not to shame you destiny, we have all been there. Just saying you still need to put in solid work.

If we are talking Canada how about Montréal? Another asian bro has great success there.

Frankly there are lots of advantages being an Asian players because most Asian are very lame, so its very easy to be the cool Asian guy.

That and wait until you are 35s, you will see the superiority of the Asian gene because we practically do not age

Post: #289

(02-28-2017 09:51 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

(02-27-2017 08:48 AM)kirdiesel Wrote:  You have to build your way up to those Anglo (white) chicks.

White chicks are the most valued women in the world bro and you have to understand you are crossing racial lines (just like I am). You are going to have headwinds.

Not in my experience.

I've gamed and bed Asian girls occasionally and they are no easier to game than white chicks. The initial opening might seem easy , but these girls love dragging it out.

I know it was just bullshit playing game on their part because I can pull very cute white chicks.

Its the same thing with pulling a 9. If you can pull a 7 you have the game to pull a 9. The only difference is that you dont have access to the 9s like the 7s.

OP's situation right now, he doesn't have access to 7s grade women yet, and his game both inner and technical are still very weak. He can barely manages his life, family and emotion. Someone say because of his zodiac sign he has difficulty with women, and he let that affects him.

I say that not to shame you destiny, we have all been there. Just saying you still need to put in solid work.

If we are talking Canada how about Montréal? Another asian bro has great success there.

Frankly there are lots of advantages being an Asian players because most Asian are very lame, so its very easy to be the cool Asian guy.

That and wait until you are 35s, you will see the superiority of the Asian gene because we practically do not age

Yes, I agree. My inner game still needs a lot of work as I still have a lot of difficulty managing my emotions. My career is kind of in a bit of a mess and I just started to see success in my love life but now it feels like its just being stripped away from me yet again which is making me angry and bitter. I believe these are the two things that are causing my weak inner game issues. If I stay here my love life is screwed unless we talk about importing a wife over from abroad but I could maybe get my career back on track. Now this runs the risk of me bringing over a chick who's only interested in getting a Canadian citizenship or having the feelings dissipate over time because we don't spend time together over long periods as mentioned by superchalk. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing over some chick and marrying her after only spending 1 month or less time with her in person.

I actually looked into moving to Montreal a few years back, unfortunately you need to speak fluent Quebec French to have a good shot at jobs which I don't speak. In addition, there's also a very large feminist presence there just like Toronto. If anything moving there, I would only have a slightly easier time with the women, but after dating women from abroad, I honestly don't think I could ever date and marry any chick from Canada or the Anglosphere. Dating fobs or what not, you run the risk of them becoming westernized in a few years as well but even then, it becomes an issue of access to fobs and I've yet to meet a single attractive quality fob, only ache laced thick glasses geeky nerdy types. Notice how as soon as I went to Vietnam, I suddenly found the women there attractive?

I was looking at hotel jobs yesterday to maybe relocate to Asia and in a lot of the postings, especially in China, they stated that they would prefer a "European face". I remember this same level of discrimination 1.5 years back when I tried to apply for a teaching job in China. Recruiters would tell me they didn't want me because I looked oriental. Software development and other STEM jobs (not my major) in Vietnam offered salaries of like $600-1500 a month for senior positions. ESl teachers got paid more than that.

Jobs in Poland were mainly 90% tech support, engineering, and finance. I could do the tech support jobs but they lead nowhere which was why I left that field over a decade ago.

I'm stuck in a bit of a crossroads right now. Do I throw myself into the unknown not sure of where it would take me or do I "play it safe" and stay here in Canada, hoping to find a unicorn while not being able to continue working on my technical gaming skills?

I'm thinking another option is this, work some jobs here, save up so that I can spend 2 months in Vietnam. Once I land, I could look for a part-time teaching job and in my spare time try to network with people. This would require me to stay in Vietnam for 1 year due to the teaching contract. I could continue dating this chick and screening her properly once I'm on the ground while dating other chicks on the side which would greatly help improve my dating skills with women in general. I could potentially network and meet some people who could help me out with career prospects once I've befriended them. If anything, after 1 year I would have vastly improved my dating skills, be in a potential LTR, and have a lot of networks and maybe career opportunities too. Worse case scenario, I wasted 1 year of my life going to vietnam, dating numerous women, and unable to get into a LTR with any of them, and still exactly where I am right now in terms of career movement vs me potentially being able to find a job in my field of studies after months of job hunting here in Canada, being completely abstinent and further depressed.

Being stuck at home right now is just making me feel really depressed and unmotivated. I need to get out!

Post: #290

I would seriously check your train of thought.

The whole premise of this thread is that you are not attracted to Asian girl in general. And in other posts you said there are lots of things you dont like in Viet and you cant picture being there long time.

Now you are considering moving there for 2 months, just to be with this new girl. Who can get up and leave at any moment. There's no guarantee she will be there or she will not cheat on you. If anything Viet girls are famous for hypergamy.
If that's not a symtomp of oneitis, I dont know what is.
There's no urgency to stick with her for fear of "losing your edge" because I dont think you have it yet. You are either good with women or not
If however, you think that you have discover a taste for our women, please do come and live in our glorious country!

I get it, you are getting a whiff of pussy and now you are afraid it will be "taken" from you, and your mind rages. Its normal, but it should not affect your decision making.

Understand, you accomplish A LOT during the last couple of months of travel. You finally achieved the objective you set out for, even though it wasn't a white girl. You also digested a lot of information crucial to your happiness. Now it's time to take a step back, look at your recent experience, see what you can make of it, and above all do not let unhealthy obsession govern your logic (Poland, this Viet girl, etc.)

Post: #291

(03-01-2017 09:50 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  I would seriously check your train of thought.

The whole premise of this thread is that you are not attracted to Asian girl in general. And in other posts you said there are lots of things you dont like in Viet and you cant picture being there long time.

Now you are considering moving there for 2 months, just to be with this new girl. Who can get up and leave at any moment. There's no guarantee she will be there or she will not cheat on you. If anything Viet girls are famous for hypergamy.
If that's not a symtomp of oneitis, I dont know what is.
There's no urgency to stick with her for fear of "losing your edge" because I dont think you have it yet. You are either good with women or not
If however, you think that you have discover a taste for our women, please do come and live in our glorious country!

I get it, you are getting a whiff of pussy and now you are afraid it will be "taken" from you, and your mind rages. Its normal, but it should not affect your decision making.

Understand, you accomplish A LOT during the last couple of months of travel. You finally achieved the objective you set out for, even though it wasn't a white girl. You also digested a lot of information crucial to your happiness. Now it's time to take a step back, look at your recent experience, see what you can make of it, and above all do not let unhealthy obsession govern your logic (Poland, this Viet girl, etc.)

I had to take a few steps back and rethink everything yesterday and today and your right. I think I developed a case of oneitis for this chick. I called up my aunt in Vietnam yesterday and asked her to try and introduce me to some chicks there when I return. Also I'm gonna have to hit on some chicks here in Toronto in the meantime to try and clear up my mind. I have also had a few chicks who I spoke with online but didn't get a chance to meet up with whatever reason add me on facebook. Hopefully these remedies help relieve some of the symptoms of oneitis.

Like you mentioned, I have actually indeed developed an appetite for Vietnamese chicks from Vietnam and want to enjoy more of them. I didn't think it was possible because of how bad the quality of Asian girls here were, but over there, the pale white skin, big round eyes, long black silk hair, curvy bodies, and feminine traditional nature really struck a chord in me. Watching how the women treated their men, watching how happy and loving my cousin and his wife was with their two kids, really made me think about settling down and starting a family someday. It was never really my goal to become a playboy or bachelor for life. I originally decided to learn game because I got massively played and screwed over by a chick in my graduate program. I wanted to learn everything so that I would never be taken for a ride like that ever again and also so that I could become great with women so that one day I could find someone that I could settle down with, someone who I found attractive and who exhibited excellent qualities as both a partner (loving, taking care of me, loyal, supportive) and mother (loves children, knows how to cook, clean, good traditional family values, good upbringing,etc).

In fact, now I'm kind of confused about pursuing white chicks, although I still want to bang a white chick just to prove to myself that I am capable of doing it.

I still intend on returning back there for two months because I didn't feel like I got the full dating experience this time around with the massive cockblocks from family and things ended quite pre-maturely between me and that girl. Realistically I only had like less then two weeks of actually dating while there. I feel like I really need to get this outta my system and just date for a while abroad to play catch up.

As for Poland, I thought about it, although I do quite like the look of Polish girls and like how they aren't nearly quite as materialistic as some other girls I have met, working in tech support for less than minimum wage for at least a year there with the bad air quality, plus the recent increased level of difficulty there due to the massive invasion of Mediterranean men, I'm gonna hold off that decision for now.

I need to get my career back on track and it seems the only continent where my major (kinesiology + health promotion) actually has any value is here so I'm gonna look for jobs in my field when I return back from my next trip to Vietnam. I don't want to apply now for those jobs only to quit in a few months from now and burn bridges. I'm gonna use my vacation days (2-3 weeks) next year to venture off to either vietnam or somewhere else in Europe. If things end up working between me and the Vietnamese girl, I might bring her back to Canada just to continue dating on a tourist visa and take it from there.

Post: #292

Good job destiny! Congratulations for the achievements during your last trip with this girl!

Post: #293

Update:

Finances:

It's been a while since I posted. Since then, I've gotten a temporary crappy job at a factory which I hoped to use to save up enough cash to spend a few months in vietnam to visit that girl. Unfortunately, the company has other plans for me. I was urged to apply for a promotion to be a team leader at the company by one of my supervisors as well as several coworkers. I had my interview for it last week and just waiting to hear back now. I never really had any intention of sticking to working in a factory but it seems fate has other plans for me. If the pay is shit and there's no other career growth opportunities I'm gonna bounce. I do have to say though that having a steady job and money coming in has helped with my confidence a bit, even though the pay is shit at the moment.

Dating:

As for the girl, we've had some problems. I had originally promised her and we discussed it that I would come back in September and spend 2 months there with her. I actually was going to spend 3-4 months but wanted to keep it a surprise for her. During the first two months that I got back to Canada, she was all over me, super clingy and needy. Calling/texting me multiple times in a day, asking me if I missed her or not and made me kiss her on the videochat. However, she moved away to another apartment with some new friends and roommates after two months from her old apartment. They aren't exactly the best people to be around. One of them is a promotional girl/model at big events and also has a tattoo on her wrist. The other is some designer that has multiple tattoos who lives with her bf in one of the rooms. Initially she was doing an internship at the bank and was just busy with work and school, but since then, she's taken a leave of absence or finished the internship and now doesn't want to work in the banking industry because she complains that the pay is crap and its very stressful. She's spending most of her time, going out with these shady people and is also working part-time as a promotional girl as well at big events.

After she moved, I noticed her behaviour started to change. Her interest level dropped, and she contacted me less and less and she appeared less enthusiastic about our conversation. Once I recognized the signs, I immediately went no contact and distanced myself which managed to spike her interest level back up but its definitely no where near where it was before. She stopped being affectionate and no longer tells me she misses me or asks me if I miss her and there's no longer any kisses. Also I feel like she's not being 100% honest with me when I ask her what can we do to improve our situation until I come back. I feel like she wants me to contact her more by her posting random nonsense on her facebook saying "he slowly writes less" at the top of a song or some random love crap that bloggers write and that she shares on her wall. I have so far been letting her do about 70-80% of the pursuing and initating contact but I feel like maybe I should be doing more. I started to implement a rating system into our conversations just to gauge her interest level. She gave me about a 7-8/10 and I asked her why it wasn't a 10 and she said because of the distance and that I couldn't be there with her physically. She has actually brought this up previous when I first got back and said she wasn't sure about us because of the distance.

This past week, she said something that completely caught me off guard. She told me that she was going away to Singapore to work at a "restaurant" as a "receptionist" for two months during Aug/Sept and that I should pick another month to come back. I was like wtf. Just a few months ago, you were practically begging me to fly back immediately and now that we are only 3 months away, you tell me to come back later. She also mentioned to me that I shouldn't tell my parents or aunt and uncle about this. When I pressed her for a bit more details, she just said that it wasn't suitable right now to tell me. I'm thinking wtf.

This made me extremely suspicious that something was up. The only thing I could think of as to why, she would just suddenly decide to change our plans is either:

1. There's a guy or multiple guys in Singapore in the picture
2. She's going there to work in something indecent like in a bar/karaoke, club, or maybe even prostitution.

I'm leaning more towards the first option because she has an ex from singapore. She showed me several texts from the dude when I first got back and he was begging and pleading with her to marry him saying he was going to talk to her mother even though she was rejecting him. I also know that there's some ugly ass korean beta male nerd orbiter over in singapore whose been constantly chasing her because he always likes and writes shit on her wall. I also seen a lot of beta orbiters writing on her wall and also liking her posts. I also did some digging by looking at the people who follow her on facebook and discovered, there is another viet guy in singapore that she saw last year. He looked quite old like in his 40's and looked super beta by the way he dressed and body language. I'm guessing one of these guys has been talking to her and demanding that she goes and visits them in Aug/Sept which was why she suddenly changed her plans. Could be a sponsor. It bothered me quite a bit and a lot of people who I discussed this with demanded that I ask her what's going on so the following day, we had a videochat and I asked her to be frank with me. I expressed how open communication and honestly was very important in a relationship and told her that whatever it was, she could tell me and that I wouldn't judge her or anything.

I probably didn't have any right to ask her to give me an answer since we aren't in an exclusive relationship, however, I felt like she should have told me something because this was something we had talked about for months now and suddenly she just sprung this up on me. She appeared uneasy when I asked her and said that her friend's bf was also allowing her to go, but I told her "well that's between them and this is between us and besides I never said you couldn't go. I just want you to tell me a little bit more about this job." She told me it was a decent job and that she told me everything about it yesterday. After asking her one final time, she stared on the floor and her facial expression looked like she wanted to tell me but was conflicted about it. She looked at the ground for a good minute before returning her gaze at me and just smiling so I said ok. We switched topics and she asked me if I would come back later this year in either Oct/Nov/ or December and I soon ended the chat.

I understand that she has doubts about our future because the distance so she is looking at other options but this definitely hurt my trust in her. After what happened, I even considered breaking up with her because the trust was not compromised. Because of this latest revelation, I have decided to not quit my job but instead just ask for a temporarily 3 week leave of absence in the fall. I figured, since she's already looking at other options then I should too. I know that if I were to end things with her right now, I would be pretty fucked up for a few weeks/months because I have no other options at the moment because I'm stuck here in Toronto. I don't want to be sitting in my room, all alone, depressed and shit for weeks and months because of a girl. I've been there before and don't want to go back. So I figure now, she has been downgraded to just a fuckbuddy and I will look for other options as well. I think I definitely need to go back to vietnam, because if things don't work out with her then I can find a replacement really quickly and this will help me forget about her and move on. I am also 100% confident that I can outgame the other guy if there really is another guy in the picture from singapore. It's just the fucking distance that's killing me here. Right now I'm not sure how I feel about her anymore but I do need clarification and perhaps closure and I don't think I will get that here in Toronto. I'm gonna have to feel out the situation when I get back to Vietnam.

Since I'm in toronto, my options are pretty sparse. I have been speaking to several girls since I got back to vietnam but now have started to kick it up a few notches. There recently has been one vietnamese girl who has been super clingy and needy online that I spoke to back in January. She photoshopped her photos and looked a hell of a lot prettier but when she added me on facebook, I got instantly turned off. I've started to try and target fobs here in Toronto but have gotten no where. Tinder has been completely useless. There is however, one ok looking chinese girl at my workplace who's a fob and appears kind of masculine. She works the day shift though. I think I'm gonna try and game her and also look into going into some of these church type of groups or those ethnic social events for fobs to try my luck. It isn't ideal but it beats sitting on my ass right now feeling sorry for myself.

Friends/Social life:

Since I've gotten back, as predicted my so called friends have reached out to me and have been negative about my whole trip and the chick who I met. My vietnamese so called friend said she was hot but then immediately starts trying to lecture me how all the girls in vietnam are scammers and all are trying to get a citizenship to leave vietnam. He told me he wanted to videochat with her to see if she was geniune or not. He then goes on and tries to lecture me about how I can't support her and how I leech off my parents and need to get a real job. Like fuck off man! Who the hell are you to lecture me about these things, your a fucking university drop out too and aren't exactly making a lot of money neither.

The other friend said the exact same shit, and that I should settle for some fucking old fatty just like he is. wtf man, seriously. These fucking pricks are really pissing me off. Even though I tried to distance myself from them and stopped contacting them, they always once in a while contact me and then act all patronizing and condescending towards me, shiting all over my efforts. Both of them reached out to me again recently. I pretty much decided to keep my private life undisclosed from them from now on. One of them pretended to ask me about my job and then immediately jumped to asking me about the girl and how everything was going. When I mentioned that everything was going ok, he said he was surprised that it was still going on. I told him, that we both try to make it work and then I never heard from him again. I guess he expected me to have ended it with her which was what he was trying to push me to do as soon as I got back. When he saw that we still were communicating he got butthurt and felt jealous about it and left the conversation. What a fucking asshole. This fucking guy never really wanted me to have any happiness, he wanted me to be fucking miserable just like him and his fat piece of shit post wall fiance.

My other vietnamese friend reached out to me yesterday but when I didn't mention anything about my girl, he stopped replying. These two fucking pricks! Since this is what I have for so called friends here in Toronto, I have decided that I need to replace both of these fucking assholes with new friends who are high value and actually raise my spirits, instead of trying to kick me while I'm down.

Game plan going forward:

After some serious consideration I have decided to follow this game plan. I figured that my happiness is what I make of it and only I have the power to change it.

1.
Continue with the job, hopefully I get the promotion and make a bit more money. If I don't get the promotion, I'm gonna stay at the job for a while longer and save up some money and then quit and hit up Vietnam and China and either continuing dating the girl in vietnam or go on a fuckfest all over vietnam and china and just get it outta my system. This will probably be my last and only long-distance relationship. It's too much work and you always don't feel like you can fully trust the other person. If I get involved with some new girls in Asia, I'm just gonna end things with them when I leave and if they are still single when I return back, we can resume things.

2.
My life is currently fucking boring here in Canada. I seriously need to improve my social life. All I do is go to work, come home, go on the computer, maybe workout and then go to sleep. It doesn't help that I work afternoons and get home at 12am every night. I need to improve my social life drastically. I need to build a large support network of friends that I can rely on and lean back on in times of hardship instead of having these fucking vultures coming after me and trying to kick me down at every opportunity. I don't want to burn any bridges because you never know when you might need something from them down the line, but they are seriously making me want to tell both of them to go fuck themselves and to never contact me ever again. Like seriously, what the hell do I have to do to get these fucking people to leave me alone? I already went no contact on both of there asses, and yet they still pester me.

So this is what I'm gonna do. I already reached out to a few classmates and tried to suggest a meetup for a beer or something but nobody seems to have any time, so fuck it. I'm gonna look into some couchsurfing and meetup events to go to so that I can network and befriend some people. Who knows, maybe I might meet some international tourist chicks at some of these couchsurfing events that I could use to improve my dating life. It'll take a while but I'm confident that I can rebuild up my social circle with some high value people. I'm gonna use these events and people as well to help build up my social media presence as well which will increase my SMV as well online. It will also raise my value in the eyes of that chick and postpone her interest level from fading as well until I land back in vietnam. I never really paid much attention to social media like facebook in the past but I know realize that if used right, you can display a lot of value to potential prospects.

Finally, I'm thinking about flying out to San Francisco as well to meetup with those two guys who I met in Krakow that I partied hard with. It might just be the thing that I need to get myself back mentally and to see how real friends treat each other.

3.

Like I mentioned, I'm gonna hit up vietnam for about 3 weeks in November or so. This will give me even more time to make more money that I can use to spend there. In the meantime, I think I will do the following:

Continue videochats with the girl and try to maintain her interest level. Try to keep all conversations light, fun, and positive and don't converse more than 2-3 times a week. Talk to more girls online and line up several backup chicks for when I land in Vietnam. One of the girls who I have been skyping with told me that she's actually coming over to Toronto next year to study English or something. The problem is she barely speaks any english and is quite short (150cm) and is not quite as good looking as the other girl but whatever, beggers can' be choosers. She's still a prospect that I can date for next year. I could use the experience. I will try to hit up some of these church groups and ethnic community events to look for some more prospects. I will also try to look for some couchsurfing events that suit my timetable to further expand my opportunities to meet women.

4.

I plan on using the extra money from my job to reduce my student loan debt by half by the end of this year and finally paying it all off by the middle of next year and be debt free. Since I will no longer be going to vietnam for several months, that money can now be used to pay off student debt. I don't intend on quitting my job until sometime early next year if there is no future promotions available. I'm just gonna jump ship to a new company after I get back from my trip and negotiate an even higher salary because of the new work experience I acquired.

5.
Continue with my workouts and work on slimming down again. I improved my diet drastically last year and got my bf% down by a lot but then gained it all back when I went on my trips. I need to take better care of my body so that I feel more energetic and positive.

Final thoughts: Hopefully with more money, a potential job promotion, improving my social life and social circle, and getting some new dating prospects will drastically improve my inner game and inner demons.

Post: #294

Update:

Work/Finances:

So I got called into the owner's office yesterday right at the beginning of my shift. He just handed me a letter and said your promoted. Then he told me my pay. I tried not to let my jaw drop. This cheap bastard only increased my pay by an extra $2. I seriously considered turning down the promotion because of all the new responsibilities yet being paid like a beggar. I just swallowed my pride and took it, knowing once I have enough work experience or if I get another promotion to a supervisor that I'm quitting this lousy job. So now its just sucking it all up for a year or maybe more if get a supervisor position but I do know I'm leaving this shithole place after 2 years. I'm hoping the cheap bastard promotes me to the production supervisor position within a year. If I were to get the title and I bounce to another company once I got enough work experience, it would make a huge difference to my financial situation and I would finally be earning a generous salary.

Dating/Relationships:

So I did some further digging and found some Cambodian dude living in Switzerland who acts all gangster on her facebook liking her posts. I suspected something was up and well and behold, I went to vietnamcupid and did a search for dudes in Switzerland and he popped up on the first page. This bitch lied to me. I also checked out the dude's facebook page and he landed in Ho chi min city. Today I saw her post a pic of just the drinks, and hands of her, the dude, his friend, and her best friend who has a bf btw. Now I know she's definitely been screwing this guy behind my back. So there's some dudes in Singapore in the picture and this Cambodian guy from Switzerland. I know we aren't exclusive, but damn I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt a bit inside. A part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and break up with her but another part is saying u should still go and see what happens in Vietnam. This chick about 2 months ago was telling me that if she wanted to, if we could get married by the end of next year because she doesn't want to date for too long and too far in the future. I told her no, I wasn't ready for such a big committment yet especially after only dating her for such a short time. I told I would be willing to buy her a ring after the following year if things went well. I had planned to resign from my job after getting 1 years of work experience and saying up just so I could continue dating her and also screening her to see if she was wife material and if we were compatible. I don't think I could ever marry this chick now. As soon as I'm gone, she starts looking for my replacement.

If Toronto wasn't such a piece of shit city, where you can hardly meet any women yet alone get dates, especially if you live in the suburbs, I'm sure I could easily move on from this chick, but as it is right now, I'm just stuck with online dating and having numerous prospects over in Vietnam.

I had a look at ticket prices for San Francisco and its like twice as much as the tickets for Montreal and Halifax so I think instead of going to San Francisco, I'm gonna head to Halifax first next month during the long weekend for 2 nights and then the following month hit up Montreal. Hopefully I have some luck in either cities. I need to figure out what the hell to do to turn my dating life around here in Toronto.

Tinder/online = zero results
Bars/Nightclubs = minimal results and extremely low rate of return
Cold approaching = useless and completely ruined by all of the pua guys

There's a mcdonalds near my workplace that I go to everyday to grab a diet soda before work. I just chill there before its time to head to work. There's two communal tables but no chicks ever go sit there and I've seen like 2-3 chicks who were decent looking since coming here for over 2 months now. I need to find some good hunting grounds.


Social Life:

So I browsed through all of couchsurfing toronto and all of the social events are on weekdays during my work hours so that's outta the picture. There has to be another way to meet guys to increase my social circle.

Post: #295

Mate, you gotta stop. This is a full blown oneitis obsession, Elliot-Rodger type of stalking.

This girl was never exclusive with you. And even if she was, it's not like it's breaking news that a girl is going behind your back with your shitty game and frame. She has the right to actually do it and throw it to your face. Thankfully she didn't because else you would go on a full meltdown rampage here on RVF.

Pull yourself together. I told you before, quit fucking thinking about one plain simple Viet bitch that you probably didnt even really liked in the first place. She's your first whiff of pussy and you are now all obsessed over her. Stop the fuck right now.

Post: #296

Destiny you gotta cut it out man.

We've been following you forever.. listen to what is being said here.

Post: #297

Destiny: We are breaking up now!
Her: Ok.

She is your girlfriend, but the only problem is that she does not know that.

Post: #298

(05-31-2017 06:47 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  Mate, you gotta stop. This is a full blown oneitis obsession, Elliot-Rodger type of stalking.

This girl was never exclusive with you. And even if she was, it's not like it's breaking news that a girl is going behind your back with your shitty game and frame. She has the right to actually do it and throw it to your face. Thankfully she didn't because else you would go on a full meltdown rampage here on RVF.

Pull yourself together. I told you before, quit fucking thinking about one plain simple Viet bitch that you probably didnt even really liked in the first place. She's your first whiff of pussy and you are now all obsessed over her. Stop the fuck right now.

Your right, just that at the moment I have no other options in this POS city. I'm counting down the days until I can fly out to Halifax and game the local girls there. I remember when I first was dating her for the first few dates, I didn't really care that much for her, what the hell happened? I need some local new prospects and soon!

Dude I was seriously even thinking about hoping on a plane and coming to see you just so you could snap me outta this trance right now.

Post: #299

(05-31-2017 07:29 AM)kirdiesel Wrote:  Destiny you gotta cut it out man.

We've been following you forever.. listen to what is being said here.

I'm in a bit of a mess right now mentally. I need to find some new chicks to ground myself.

Post: #300

(06-03-2017 12:49 AM)destiny Wrote:  I'm in a bit of a mess right now mentally. I need to find some new chicks to ground myself.

This is your problem. You shouldn't need women to ground you, this is something you have to figure out for yourself.