Post: #1

If I had to describe my game its a high energy, move-and-grove, have a good time, jokester, with a hint of james bond-esque seriousness when it comes to seduction.



I try to impose my will/energy on the group/targets and suck them into my reality then I do as I please like a king in his castle. This is usually made pretty easy in social gatherings or when I approach girls because there is a vacuum for someone to lead the interaction and make things less awkward.

I love awkward. Its like metropolis under siege begging for superman

In social settings while gaming the room when I find people/girls that are extremely receptive to my energy I'll pull out my best dirty jokes and dad jokes. Keep in mind I use these to establish myself as the guy you want to be around so you can smile, laugh, and have a good time.

Jokes:

• Q: Whats the fluid capacity of monica lewinski's mouth?
  .........
  A: One US Leader
• A priest, a lawyer, a boy scout and a good samartin are on a burning plane with one parachute. "Give the parachute to the boy scout!" hollers the good samaratin, "Fuck the boy scout!!" shouts the lawyer, "When?" asks the priest
• Q: whats the difference between a chick pea and a potato?
  ........
  A: Ive never paid 100 dollars to have a potato on my face
• Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
  .......
  A: A gummy bear
• what do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
  .......
  A: Roberto
• thank god for nipples without them boobs would be pointless
• Q: Why can't zoo animals take tests?
  ....
  A: Too many cheetahs
• Q: what did the red light say to the green light?
  ....
  A: don't look I'm changing
• Q: what type of shoes does a pedofile wear?
  .....
  A: White vans
• Q: did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
  .....
  A: He worked it out with a pencil
• Say "addicted" after everything I say...
  [long pause like your thinking]
  What do you call someone who smokes too much?
  ...
  What do you call an alcoholic?
  ....
  Last night what hit you in the face?
  .....
• Q: What do you call a cheap circumcison?
  .....
  A: A rip-off
  
  one of my favorites its a two parter
• I was gunna make a gay joke
  .....
  But fuck it
  .....
  Oh Gay jokes aren't funny?!
  .....
  Come on guys
• I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
• Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
  .....
  A: A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
• Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
  .......
  A: A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
• Q: Whats long and hard and full of semen?
  .....
  A: A submarine
• Q: What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
  ....
  A: cherry float.
• Q:What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
  ....
  A: Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
  

Another good use is in social circle game after you have established your person. So you're standing next to a girl at flip cup and you just ask her if she wants to hear a joke. You drop one of theses dimes and get her laughing.
Maybe afterwards say something like "its good right" as you put your hand on her shoulder and use some lingering touch.

For me jokes can be used in a multitude of ways: breaking down some bitch shield, turing things sexual, pulling a target into my world, a chance to show I don't care about her PC bullshit, etc.

May this help you dominate shit

Post: #2

This is gold Jerry, gold!

Post: #3

This is great.

These jokes wouldn't be congruent for me right now, but I can definitely practice saying things that will get everyone's attention and make them laugh.

In group situations, I would always shut down, even with people I know. I've always preferred one-on-one conversations. But I've come to realize the being outgoing in a group makes it much easier to get into a one-on-one.

I've always found the chatty guy who always has something to say in any situation to be annoying. Now I want to be that guy.

Post: #4

(03-01-2017 12:26 PM)Corollary Wrote:  I've always found the chatty guy who always has something to say in any situation to be annoying. Now I want to be that guy.

When its not me I still do too man. Just think about it as getting everyone involved on a good time. Everyone wants to be a lion, few know how or get the chance to be a lion. You gotta be the guy that gives everyone permission to lion it up

Post: #5

Some gems in here ! tnx !

Post: #6

Q:How do you find will smith in the snow?
....
A:You look for fresh prints

Post: #7

Credit for these jokes go to my father..

-----------------

"Do you know why sex is better with women who smoke ?"

"No. Why ?"

(Make a loose fist, leaving a hole, and ask her to put her finger in the hole..)

(Cough a few times while squeezing her finger in sync with the coughs)

------------------

(Touch your index finger to your ring finger, with your middle finger laying on top of them)

Tell her to make a loose fist around the three fingers, and ask her what it feels like..

Post: #8

This is a good one for when you are with a group and you are outside in the cold, like swimming at night, or huddled in line waiting to go to a show, or going from a sauna to a cold pool. It doesn't really work when it isn't cold.

A baby polar bear came to its dad and said, "Dad, are you sure I'm a polar bear."

His dad said, "Yes son, you are a polar bear."

The son said, "But are you really really sure I am a polar bear?'

His dad said, "Yes, son you are a polar bear! Why do you keep asking that?

"Because I am fucking freezing."

Post: #9

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
because they taste funny.

Post: #10

These joke are "canned" or pre made. The only problem with pre-ready jokes is that they can't be adjusted for the situation at hand. It would be better to be naturally funny, and flow with what the group gives you as meterial.

Post: #11

I love telling this one to a mixed group..especially if there's at least one fag among them:

A group of gay guys are sitting in the jacuzzi. All of a sudden one of them notices a big cum wad come floating by and says (in your best faggy voice): "Ok...who farted?"

You'll this for immediately sure:


But possibly one of these as well:

Post: #12

(03-13-2017 01:02 PM)Sketness Wrote:  These joke are "canned" or pre made. The only problem with pre-ready jokes is that they can't be adjusted for the situation at hand. It would be better to be naturally funny, and flow with what the group gives you as meterial.

Well, it is also better to be a natural with women and never have to ask for advice, and it also better to be naturally tall and naturally muscular.

This is a forum where men help each other and offer advice.

So if you can't naturally come up with one liners that perfectly fit any situation on the spot, it is better to have a few jokes to fall back on than to sit there mute.

You do realize that even most professional comedians can't do this most of the time? They will spend an whole year getting together an hour of material they are happy with?

If you have some tips to help people improvise jokes, feel free to share, but while what you wrote is true, it doesn't help anyone to tell them it is better to be naturally funny.

Post: #13

(03-13-2017 01:41 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  I love telling this one to a mixed group..especially if there's at least one fag among them:

A group of gay guys are sitting in the jacuzzi. All of a sudden one of them notices a big cum wad come floating by and says (in your best faggy voice): "Ok...who farted?"

lmao thats good

this is also one of my favorites





WB
@Sketness

Jokes are canned lol. You tell me how to make up a non-canned dad joke and I'll start practicing.
I use these things just as spur of the moment funny-times and they are always met with positive reception. My game is all about separating myself from the pack and this is a quick way to establish that. having a "joke telling" skill may not be favorable to natural funniness but its better to be over prepared than underprepared

Post: #14

wow, a lot of these jokes are really old.

Post: #15

@mufasa and @ debeguiled

Hey I hear you both, I guess for me coming from my background as a comic I see those jokes and I cringe lol but I see your point of having something on deck just to get the group going.

I know for me the thing that got me thinking naturally funnier was listing to comedy podcast. For me it is a great tool that starts to train your brain to look at life in a more comedic sense.

Some of my favorite comedy podcasts are:
-Race Wars
-Legion of Skanks
-YKWD: You Know What Dude
-Your Moms House's

All of these podcast will get you thinking naturally funnier,which helps relief you of relying on the canned material.

Post: #16

Post: #17

(03-13-2017 05:07 PM)Sketness Wrote:  @mufasa and @ debeguiled

Hey I hear you both, I guess for me coming from my background as a comic I see those jokes and I cringe lol but I see your point of having something on deck just to get the group going.

I know for me the thing that got me thinking naturally funnier was listing to comedy podcast. For me it is a great tool that starts to train your brain to look at life in a more comedic sense.

Some of my favorite comedy podcasts are:
-Race Wars
-Legion of Skanks
-YKWD: You Know What Dude
-Your Moms House's

All of these podcast will get you thinking naturally funnier,which helps relief you of relying on the canned material.

If you only had time for one podcast to get your comedic creativity juices flowing, which one would you listen to from the list?

Post: #18

Q: What did one tampon say to the other?

A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

Post: #19

I don't hate on the canned jokes. Having the confidence to make an attempt at humor is more than half the battle. Do you think a joke, routine, impression, or personality is funny? Then just go for it!

Then build off of it to make your own material off the cuff. Think about your favorite funny movie or joke. What about that joke or the way it was said made it funny to you? What other jokes do you know that have same characteristic or style? Identify what is funny, then just look for opportunities to bring that special "thing" to life. It could be something simple as comedic timing.

This is my biggest strength. I have clearly identified the situations, language, expressions, and irony that I KNOW are funny to me. Now I can use my surroundings to crack original jokes to any group of people at any place, any time. I am truly a master at this, by anyone can do it as long as there is anything in the world that makes you laugh.

Develop your one or more humor formulas that work for you and then just plug in the variables.

Post: #20

imo the thing about dad jokes/corny jokes is that they are suppose to be awful and that it takes confidence to tell a bad joke. But a bad joke when told with confidence is what makes the joke work. To me its not about the joke working, its about them recognizing my confidence to tell a shitty joke to a bunch of strangers (not giving a fuck how they are going to judge me) on a subconscious level.

Being naturally funny is good to display social value and eptitude and thats what I use that for.
The corny jokes are there to check off another box--confidence

At least thats the purpose they fulfill for me. With all that said you do need a natural funny skill or be incredibly socially inclined because even if you do sell the dad joke, if you turn into a social retard then everyone knows you're a fraud.

Post: #21

(02-27-2017 05:14 PM)Kona Wrote:  

(02-26-2017 11:49 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(02-26-2017 09:24 PM)Kona Wrote:  

(02-26-2017 09:11 PM)Paracelsus Wrote:  Q: Why do they call it PMS?
A: Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

I like it.

Here's my go to antifemale joke:

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

They're ugly and they stink.

Aloha!

My favorite:

"She said try to look at it from a woman's point of view so I looked out the kitchen window"

This isn't a joke, but it think its funny:

When I was in the Navy I had to do some purchasing. One of the items was "feminine products" and the guy I worked with asked if the meant "white out or something?" He got in some trouble.

This is a joke:

Did you hear about the man who got a ticket for running over the woman?

Driving in the kitchen is illegal.

Aloha!

Post: #22

@ Remington

I'd say Leigon of Skanks. Hearing how comics forum jokes and funny points will help you find the funny parts of your own life and be able to illustrate it to others.

Post: #23

(03-13-2017 01:02 PM)Sketness Wrote:  These joke are "canned" or pre made. The only problem with pre-ready jokes is that they can't be adjusted for the situation at hand. It would be better to be naturally funny, and flow with what the group gives you as meterial.

And sometimes when you can tell that a joke is being set up, you sometimes find yourself going "OK, get to the punchline" just so the joke's over.

The best jokes are the ones that come organically and unexpectedly.

Post: #24

(03-25-2017 10:14 PM)MKDAWUSS Wrote:  

(03-13-2017 01:02 PM)Sketness Wrote:  These joke are "canned" or pre made. The only problem with pre-ready jokes is that they can't be adjusted for the situation at hand. It would be better to be naturally funny, and flow with what the group gives you as meterial.

And sometimes when you can tell that a joke is being set up, you sometimes find yourself going "OK, get to the punchline" just so the joke's over.

The best jokes are the ones that come organically and unexpectedly.

That's the point but people seem to enjoy canned jokes, on my part that's to much to learn and after 2 jokes you're not fun anymore you become THE clown of the night...

People who stand up comedy, conference or representations in any way are given the mechanism of "how to make people laugh".
As human being we tend to make mental assumptions and from there we make shortcuts, now the funny part is that once those are set up people are waiting for the confirmation of their mental thinking and that's where the punchline enter and turn everything around.

Example :
My grand mother walked 3 miles everyday from the passed 5 years and now...
We don't know where the fuck she is!

My .02cents

Post: #25

Here's a good one I'll let you dudes have. This will only work for people who are from a small town. Full credit to my father for this one; he's been telling it since I was too young to get it.

Girl asks you where you're from.

You: I'm from ***buttfuck nowhere***

Girl: Oh, I've never heard of that place

You: yeah it's tiny, there's only 1000 people there. Oddly, the population has been 1000 for years, never changes at all.

Girl: looks confused and/or asks why

You: Because everytime some chick gets pregnant, some dude leaves town.

This one has had fantastic results for me, time and time again. It's also so easy to casually lean into it, and get to the punchline before they even realize it's a joke.