(07-31-2016 07:53 PM)Fortis Wrote: That makes 3 of us.
Honestly, I just don't find that I hit the "primal" buttons for american black chicks. This isn't me being down on myself, but I find that we'll interact but my default mode is intellectual and thoughtful. I can be a convincing fake extrovert, but I wanna talk about certain topics and this screens out 90% of black chicks. The impression I get from most black girls my age (25-27) is that they want a simple, fun dude to be seen with. That just isn't me.
A lot of this has to do with how I grew up. I grew up in a pretty white neighborhood so I am often accused of being an uncle tom since I don't have that certain 'swagger' that american black chicks expect. That has stopped as I've gotten older but the stigma still lingers to some extent and it does color my relationships with other american black people. It is what it is. I find that it's less of an issue with blacks from the Carribean, Europe and Africa but it is more of an issue with blacks in america.
I've always felt that black American women just demand a certain kind of masculinity (one that fits their vision of what a black man should be) I'm just not equipped to provide them with. Like you, I feel this comes down to who I am and how I was raised. I just can't give them what they want. For a while, I found this to be extremely frustrating and, frankly, I was bitter about it - I let it color my thoughts, fill me with anger, and turn me into something of a bitter hater. After that stage passed, I was just sad, beating myself up for my inability to connect with these women, blaming myself for all of my failures, and engaging in incredible amounts of self-loathing.
Now I accept it for what it is and, frankly, care less. That's an acceptance that naturally follows the realization that a) there are plenty of other women out there who will like the brand of masculinity you can offer, b) many of those women are black (only 4% of all Black women are American born/raised) and c) I'm under no obligation to deconstruct and rebuild my being just to get in line with the demands of black American women, just as they'd be under no obligation to change for me if I asked them to.
The anger and bitterness (which was followed by sadness and self-loathing) has given way to calm acceptance and understanding. People are who they are, and that's alright. I am who I am, and that's ok.
The answer is simple: move on and get in where you fit in. No need for anger, bitterness, depression, or thirsty and ill-fated efforts to reinvent yourself in the hopes of getting attention. Just continue to be who you are and find women who are okay with that. Allow the women who aren't okay with that to be who they are somewhere else with somebody else. Everybody wins this way.
(07-31-2016 10:08 PM)MdWanderer Wrote: You might be finding your niche (we all have one). One of my white buddies can't stop throwing Latin chicks off of his cock, but has to work overtime for a white girl. He actively complains about this too; he likes Latinas for a good fuck but wants to only seriously date white girls.
I've already banged one Asian girl and had a short LTR with another. Like you, I'm kinda am starting to think this is the way I should go. Also out of all my foreign travels (I have been to over 20 countries) I have gotten the most love in the Philippines. I have banged more white girls than anything but they don't seem interested for anything more than sex. I have the toughest time with Latin and Black girls (although my last LTR was a sista).
Like I keep saying: get in where you fit in.
At the end of the day, I think it always helps to be open minded. I've never had hard racial preferences for a mate. So long as she is attractive to me physically (something a girl of any race can achieve) and we can vibe personally, I am good to go. Her background is largely irrelevant.
Once you've gotten to that stage, it's simply a matter of picking the girls who are most interested in you and just focusing on them to maximize your ROI. Life is too short to waste time hunting in markets that don't want to buy what you're selling.
(08-01-2016 12:08 PM)DimeBait Wrote: Le Sigh & lol @ the sweeping generalizations about black women. On one hand, you can clearly see the vast diverseness of the brothers, but chalk two or three similar experiences with black women as a monolithic group.
We're not making sweeping generalizations about black women.
We're making generalizations about black AMERICAN women, who account for 1 out of every 20+ black women (circa 3-4%) in existence.
Nobody here has said anything about the other 500+ Million black women on Earth.
Quote:Maybe its age, experience or location, but I have not met very many sisters that share strikingly similar personality characteristics and/or values.
I have. Some of us have experience with black women as well, you know.
Quote:Yes, you will get shit tested, but honestly, that's with any woman and of course it will vary depending on a myriad of factors. To me, it's just banter, and an opportunity to exude your wittiness and dominance. Some black women are strong, they have to be, if they're coffee, you have to be espresso.
1. No, it is not with "any woman". Black American women test men harder and more directly than most.
2. You equate these tests with mere "banter" and "opportunity". I equate them with a massive waste of my time and energy.
I'm a quarter-century old. That's about a third of my life gone already. I'm not keen to waste the other two-thirds I've got left on BS. Life is too short for that.
I get enough of these tests in my professional every day life. I don't need extra crap from the women in my personal life as well. She's supposed to make my life more, not less, enjoyable. If she's going to create extra barriers for me to knock down every other day, then what the hell do I need her for?
If you personally enjoy these tests, good on you - keep dealing with them and have fun doing it. I just can't say I'll do the same.
3. There is a fine line between a "strong" woman and a "needlessly difficult, ball-busting, overly-defensive" woman. I know which side of that line I'd like to be on.
4. I hate coffee.