This is a write-up for a date I went on in August. I decided to post it now because the good advice I received might help others browsing this thread.
Short story, met a 35yo half german half filipina, looked almost Latin, at coffee shop around 11 am on a Wednesday. She was visiting from out of town. Very, very receptive in coffee shop. She basically asked me to meet her later for dinner. I told her, maybe I’ll have to see my schedule. In the afternoon, I texted her saying “she could take me out to dinner” (role reversal) and she replied back with some stuff and "just so you can manage expectations, I’m spending far too much money on stuff to be able to be your sugar momma tonight ;-)". I replied back with a joke about my other sugar mommas. She laughed, then said “see you tonight.”
I met her. We had appetizers, then I bounced her to a bar, then an Uber back to my place. I told her, “let’s have round two in my neighborhood”, but I didn’t specify it was to be at my place. She was laughing and smiling a lot throughout—by the end of our time at the bar, she was giving me the glazed-over eyes look.
We get to my house, I pour some wine. I bring her to my room and we start watching TV on my bed, she rests her head on my chest. After about 15 mins on my bed, (2.5 hours into date), I go for kiss, she very enthusiastically kisses back and puts her hand through my hair. I escalate, letting my hand roll down her bare legs (she was wearing a dress) and then, she closes herself off. I move away from her so we're no longer touching, we watch more TV, and I try again after a few minutes (I should have waited longer). We kiss a bit more and she shuts down, “I’m not looking to do this. I didn’t realize we would be going back to your place. I’m going to leave.”
She gets off my bed, and begins to walk downstairs. I’m a bit emotional to be honest because it came suddenly; but, it isn’t the first time I got rejected at my house. I’m less fazed this time around. We chat for a bit on our porch, and then she goes.
After she left, I sat down and came up with this list of takeaways and learnings:
* Disqualify her early in the date, “you know I shouldn’t be here doing this—you’re not my type.” Set a standard so she feels like she’s working for something.
* First kiss, keep it short. Even if it’s on my bed.
* Specify that we’re going back to my place instead of my neighborhood, “Let’s do round two with wine and conversation at my place.” [After we made out and she gave resistance, she explicitly told me, “I didn’t realize we were going back to your place”.]
* At any resistance, wait ten minutes, not three. Shrug it off—hold her again like you were before and wait.
* Women can smell bitterness. Important to not be fazed. Go back to what we were doing (in this case, it was watching TV and she was resting her head on my chest) and wait ten minutes.
* If she says, “I’m going to go”, let her. Respond with, “That’s fine, I had a good time.” or in this case add, “I’m not going to see you again.” (but not at all bitter).
Upon re-reading my list now, only one or two pieces of my learnings I'd actually consider meritorious (1. Specifying we are going back to my place, and 2. Not being fazed). A guy I have loads of respect for here, OTSC, gave me some additional advice that I'm reprinting here with his permission:
So, long story short and this may not help you but from what you wrote I don't see anything wrong in what you did. For every successful bang I have earned there's at least 3-4 stories almost identical to what just wrote. The reality is some women are just not down for having sex even if they're giving off all of the early signs and come back to your place with you. So with that being said here are some things to keep in mind for next time:
- Avoid dinner dates until after you've banged her at least once. Buying meals can trigger her "provider alarm" and she will subconsciously make you wait before sex since you could potentially be a good boyfriend. I'll buy an app plate or two on occasion but try to keep it to just drinks.
- When you're on the date do everything you can in both your body language and manner of speaking to come across as relaxed, chill and almost indifferent to her.
- Another blogger who I follow (google blackdragon) says something to the effect of "cool guys don't necessarily get laid but RELAXED ones do". This really hit home for me and has helped my success rate.
- While you're on your date, try to get her talking about sex in a very casual way. Don't start dirty talking to her but talk about it as if you two are discussing a mutual hobby that you both enjoy (which should be true right?) Especially get her talking about what she likes and her complaints about other guys and how they just don't get it. It will separate you from the crowd and get her curious about how good you really are.
- Never kiss her until you're at a place where you can easily have sex. When you invite her back to your place make sure it's under the premise of doing or seeing something non sexual. Women need that plausible deniability. Also never trick her into going back to your place. When I'm on a date and we leave there's no confusion that she's coming to my place.
- Once you're back at your place, try to kiss her within the first 10 minutes of being there but keep it quick and immediately disengage and go back to what you were doing/talking about. Women need a little time to process what happens and think about it
- After you've kissed her and you're sitting with your drinks and talking, go for the kiss again when you feel the moment is right. Keep escalating and if she resists stop and go back to what you were talking about or be ready to ask her a "random" question to get her mind off of what just happened.
- Wait between 5-10 minutes and when you are on a high point (she laughs, touches you, gives you a positive sign, repeat and kiss her again. Also, pull her into you and don't move over to her. It's subtle but shows you're in control.
- If she verbalizes that she's not ready for sex yet agree with her and say something to the effect of "no worries, let's slow down and do what's comfortable for both of us" That's a line straight from the old school PUA Ross Jeffries and it's pretty effective.
- When you're sitting with her and you're about to make your move or even if you're in between escalation attempts really try to internalize and believe the mindset that you don't give a shit what happens one way or another. Maybe even think about how you're looking forward to getting back to that book or tv show that you like once she leaves. It can help diffuse your own neediness.
- If she says that she needs to leave don't beg her to stay but you can be persistent and say something like "We're having a great time, stay for 10 more minutes and then you can go." I had one girl who came back to my place and when I kissed her in the kitchen after we got back (like 2 minutes in) I said that very line and 10 mins later I was banging her on my couch.

- If she's adamant about leaving let her go but show no emotion about it. The odds are you'll never see her again but if you show anger or neediness those odds go up to 100%.
- Finally and most importantly, it's a numbers game and you can and will get these women who are a no go regularly. If you're a baseball fan think of all the times you see sluggers hit deep balls only to be caught by the fielder reaching over the fence and stealing the home run.
That's about all I got man but just to reiterate the thing that has helped me the most in the last few months is really working on relaxing myself physically and mentally while on dates. It's now a habit where my posture is almost like slacking or lounging in my seat. If you remember the first star wars movie where Han Solo was sitting in the bar and Greedo confronted him that's how you want to be. He's leaning against the wall like he really doesn't give a shit about him. I've had women literally climb over on me while doing that. And this is coming from a guy who used to lean in and nervously nod and grin while a woman was talking to me.