I've got a question on timing of texts. They say to time your text responses to match the girl's, so as not to display neediness/eagerness.

I cold approached this asian last Sunday, whilst dg'ing. Got her facebook. Sent her a msg on Monday afternoon. Convo proceeds as follows:

Me (3:50pm - Monday): "Did you enjoy the weekend?"
Her (4:28pm - Monday): "Ive gotten a good tan but burnt"
Her (4:28pm - Monday): "Did yours pan out ok?"
Me (6:37pm - Monday): "Do you sunburn easily? had dinner with family for sister's birthday"
Her (7:49pm - Monday): "Haha nah I don't. I'm pretty tanned naturally but usually I may get a lil burnt in aussie sun"
Her (7:49pm - Monday): "Older or younger sis?"
Me (8:57pm - Monday): "can't take the Australian sun? why not just slap on some SPF 50+? she's older"
Her (11:34am - Tuesday): "Haha nah I more do 15+ spf. I like being tanned. Nice. Go out for dinner?"
Me (8:08pm - Tuesday): "Why? Being pale is the new look. Didn't you hear? Nah just had din at folks place"

She hasn't responded since. I've seen her on her facebook account (shows that she's active). Now it's Wednesday.

My question is, if i need to time my msgs to match hers, what do I do if she keeps delaying them further and further (like in this case). Feels like she's mirroring my response times, but if that happens it'll be hard to organise a date. On the otherhand, if i msg too soon, it DLVs me.

^You had way too much going on in your text exchange with that girl. Don't dive into too many subjects. The conversation seemed pretty overwhelming. Keep it simple.

(12-15-2015 09:16 PM)Remington Wrote:  ^You had way too much going on in your text exchange with that girl. Don't dive into too many subjects. The conversation seemed pretty overwhelming. Keep it simple.

Yeah pretty much this. You showed way too much interest in petty shit like how her weekend was.

You also may have displayed some lower value by telling her too much about your weekend too. Mysterious studmuffin52 is what gives a girl gina tingles. Not the average, predictable family man studmuffin52.

Equally as important, why did you add her on Facebook and not just go for the number and message like normal?

Unless your name is Dan Bilzerian, never add a girl on social media before you fuck her. She probably stalked you a bit and judged you based on bull shit like where you've checked-in, pictures with other chicks, your friend total, etc.

Even after fucking you shouldn't. That's how you get psychotic stalkers.

^ Thanks for the tips. I went for the digits but she said facebook instead. I new it was so she could look me up before a first date.

(12-16-2015 02:43 AM)studmuffin52 Wrote:  ^ Thanks for the tips. I went for the digits but she said facebook instead. I new it was so she could look me up before a first date.

If you knew that, why did you concede her that? You stumbled out of the gate by not doing things on your terms.

How to address the Facebook shit test has been posted ad nauseam around the Game forum, but say something to the effect of "I'm one of the last 5 people on planet Earth without a Facebook".

If not friending her on Facebook is a sticking point for her even after you just met in-person, then you need to walk away.

(12-15-2015 05:31 PM)studmuffin52 Wrote:  I've got a question on timing of texts. They say to time your text responses to match the girl's, so as not to display neediness/eagerness.

...

Her (11:34am - Tuesday): "Haha nah I more do 15+ spf. I like being tanned. Nice. Go out for dinner?"
Me (8:08pm - Tuesday): "Why? Being pale is the new look. Didn't you hear? Nah just had din at folks place"

...

I don't think this was a timing issue. Obviously you don't want to appear eager to reply, but don't go so far as to try and match your reply times to hers. Mix it up. Reply immediately at times, wait hours at other times. Keep it inconsistent. That's what makes her worry about whether "she" said something wrong while she awaits your reply. This is one way to use push/pull through texting.

Anyway, your mistake here wasn't timing. It was boring conversation. After her comment about "I like being tanned" you should have replied with something totally unrelated and interesting. You don't give a fuck about her tanning habits. Talk about fun shit (but keep your messages succinct)

Wait a few days after her non-response and say something like "you're not gonna believe what happened to me today.." Use a real or made-up funny story and segue into inviting her out for a drink. If she agrees, "send me your number and we'll set it up." If she doesn't send you her number, she's using you for attention. Next.

I think this has been talked about before but in reply to something like this:

me (sunday night when planning a meetup this week): hows monday or thursday
her (monday night..) Haha obviously monday doesnt work but cant do thursday either. Any other ideas?

she pulled the any other ideas line before and i was kind of irritated so i said:

me: Lets heard one of your ideas
her: hm long shot - but maybe saturday

how would you handle that? i'm thinking of the no reply. honestly cant think of anything else. i'm just gonna triple book and see what happened. thoughts?

p.s. - this thread has been great, fully utilizing it for all my numbers until i get my texting game a little more tight.

(12-16-2015 02:04 PM)skipper Wrote:  I think this has been talked about before but in reply to something like this:

me (sunday night when planning a meetup this week): hows monday or thursday
her (monday night..) Haha obviously monday doesnt work but cant do thursday either. Any other ideas?

she pulled the any other ideas line before and i was kind of irritated so i said:

me: Lets heard one of your ideas
her: hm long shot - but maybe saturday

how would you handle that? i'm thinking of the no reply. honestly cant think of anything else. i'm just gonna triple book and see what happened. thoughts?

p.s. - this thread has been great, fully utilizing it for all my numbers until i get my texting game a little more tight.

She is just yanking you around if she suggested Saturday, especially if she also mentioned that it probably wouldn't happen. If this happens, I always say that I already have plans and tell her something awesome I am doing that evening.

"no can do. got box seats to the XX's tonight"

"cant. already have plans with someone"

(12-16-2015 02:36 PM)Remington Wrote:  

(12-16-2015 02:04 PM)skipper Wrote:  I think this has been talked about before but in reply to something like this:

me (sunday night when planning a meetup this week): hows monday or thursday
her (monday night..) Haha obviously monday doesnt work but cant do thursday either. Any other ideas?

she pulled the any other ideas line before and i was kind of irritated so i said:

me: Lets heard one of your ideas
her: hm long shot - but maybe saturday

how would you handle that? i'm thinking of the no reply. honestly cant think of anything else. i'm just gonna triple book and see what happened. thoughts?

p.s. - this thread has been great, fully utilizing it for all my numbers until i get my texting game a little more tight.

She is just yanking you around if she suggested Saturday, especially if she also mentioned that it probably wouldn't happen. If this happens, I always say that I already have plans and tell her something awesome I am doing that evening.

"no can do. got box seats to the XX's tonight"

"cant. already have plans with someone"

is the objective then to see if she suggests an alternate day?

(12-16-2015 02:04 PM)skipper Wrote:  ...

me: Lets heard one of your ideas
her: hm long shot - but maybe saturday

how would you handle that? i'm thinking of the no reply. honestly cant think of anything else. i'm just gonna triple book and see what happened. thoughts?
...

"Reschedule your plans with whats-his-name, I'm way more fun"

(12-16-2015 04:33 PM)SomeFcksGiven Wrote:  

(12-16-2015 02:04 PM)skipper Wrote:  ...

me: Lets heard one of your ideas
her: hm long shot - but maybe saturday

how would you handle that? i'm thinking of the no reply. honestly cant think of anything else. i'm just gonna triple book and see what happened. thoughts?
...

"Reschedule your plans with whats-his-name, I'm way more fun"

I like that, but a bit on the side of trying to qualify myself to her, no?

Not really qualifying yourself. It accomplishes two things: Playfully calls her out for possibly planning to see someone else, and shows you don't give a fuck about it. You're not some weak beta waiting for "your turn" by constantly offering up days that meet her schedule.

(12-16-2015 05:03 PM)SomeFcksGiven Wrote:  Not really qualifying yourself. It accomplishes two things: Playfully calls her out for possibly planning to see someone else, and shows you don't give a fuck about it. You're not some weak beta waiting for "your turn" by constantly offering up days that meet her schedule.

Best line i've used to probe/nuke for this (I got it from here):

"Let's be honest, the guy you're hanging with on X (Day) is going to bore you and you'll want to text me to hangout. Just cancel on him, he'll understand." (you can add a "haha" or "lol" if you want)

This does one of 2 things:

She'll laugh and know you know what's up and admit she's going to hangout with someone else. So you know the score, if she's cute you'll sidestep this and plan accordingly.

She'll laugh and tell you what she's really doing and you have plausible deniability, since you were joking.

I've never had a negative response with this text. Only twice has a girl admitted that she was going on another date.

Only once did I call her out after and ask her if I'm wasting my time, she said no and if I was, I never responded.

With a busier than usual weekend, I asked a girl out for a date Sunday. (Friday_busy, Saturday_gym_work, Sunday_free).

w:"come join me out @xx Sunday, we'll have drinks and ill seduce u in front of strangers"
her: I work till 4.

She didn't say no but I'm trying to figure out how to make something happen given the time. (She

Note: This is a girl who mentioned she likes guys who lead(makes the plans etc)/are dominant/etc. I probably wouldn't have a problem if I had my own place (as I'd suggest that), but now I'm not sure where to steer.

(12-17-2015 02:02 AM)~wrIghter~ Wrote:  With a busier than usual weekend, I asked a girl out for a date Sunday. (Friday_busy, Saturday_gym_work, Sunday_free).

w:"come join me out @xx Sunday, we'll have drinks and ill seduce u in front of strangers"
her: I work till 4.

She didn't say no but I'm trying to figure out how to make something happen given the time. (She

Note: This is a girl who mentioned she likes guys who lead(makes the plans etc)/are dominant/etc. I probably wouldn't have a problem if I had my own place (as I'd suggest that), but now I'm not sure where to steer.

Ignore. Her answer isn't very positive. It's not explicitly sour, but a non-response is best. See if she follows it up. Also you didn't specify what time you called out so it's hard to tell if she was responding that she couldn't make it because she works beyond the time you want to meet up, or if she was just saying she didn't want to because she works.

Initially I asked her to free up her Sunday and proposed the following above. I didn't give a specific time because I wanted to see if she'd be down. Her response didn't give me much to work with though. "I have work until 4" could mean a number of things.

I haven't responded to it yet. I'll wait it out to see if she offers an alternative.

(12-16-2015 06:39 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(12-16-2015 05:03 PM)SomeFcksGiven Wrote:  Not really qualifying yourself. It accomplishes two things: Playfully calls her out for possibly planning to see someone else, and shows you don't give a fuck about it. You're not some weak beta waiting for "your turn" by constantly offering up days that meet her schedule.

Best line i've used to probe/nuke for this (I got it from here):

"Let's be honest, the guy you're hanging with on X (Day) is going to bore you and you'll want to text me to hangout. Just cancel on him, he'll understand." (you can add a "haha" or "lol" if you want)

This does one of 2 things:

She'll laugh and know you know what's up and admit she's going to hangout with someone else. So you know the score, if she's cute you'll sidestep this and plan accordingly.

She'll laugh and tell you what she's really doing and you have plausible deniability, since you were joking.

I've never had a negative response with this text. Only twice has a girl admitted that she was going on another date.

Only once did I call her out after and ask her if I'm wasting my time, she said no and if I was, I never responded.

Thanks guys. I used a modified version last night:

"Just cancel your plans tomorrow with whats-his-name, I'm way more fun. He'll understand."

No reply yet. My gut is screaming that this freaked her out but whatever.

If she doesn't reply it's not because she's freaked out. Her last reply to you about "maybe saturday" shows her interest was already beginning to taper off. Your response was as good as anything else you could have sent, no matter how clever.

There's no magic text to turn around a girl's interest level once it starts to wane. There's a million reasons why a girl's temperature changes abruptly. Don't make the mistake of assuming it's something you did.

Guys I really need your help with this one.

I've matched this chick on Tinder (superliked her, needy me) and now I need to start talking, obviously. The thing is we already know eachother so some background info to fill you in.

I've met her about 1.5 years ago via social circle and we 'clicked' right away. The moment we met I was totally wasted so I wasn't prone to being anxious/needy etcetera, just very flirtatious. We exchanged numbers and that was the start of a very brief fling. We did all those nasty things except for the main act, a bang. Problem is that at that time I was still with my ex girlfriend (we've been toghether over a decade, highschool sweethearts) so I didn't have the balls pushing it any further.

Since after that night we met up in secret and sober, I started creating feelings for this chick and being that needy provider. Texting her all day, telling her I'm catching feelings, you know the deal. Even more so because at that time the only girl I've been with was the girl I was in a relationship with. She broke contact because of that, telling me I was "going crazy" and that was it. I did struggle with that for quite some time.

Back to the present. How do I 're-engage' this chick without making things awkward?

^
"Hey there"

No need to try and over-complicate it or try to sound clever. Doing something like that could have the opposite effect of what you're hoping for. If she has any interest in you at all, she'll bite.

Alright boys, first post here in a while. Feels great to be back I must say.

A little backstory with my situation...

I do beauty photography and I had this sexy girl come over to my place for a shoot three days ago. The vibe at the shoot was good; lots of playfulness, teasing... the vibe was light.

She is super responsive to my text messages and she's already asked to do another shoot.

I am not going to type out the whole text convo because it's basically all about the pictures we took minus some playful banter. Here is how it ended:

Her: *Sends sexy picture to me that she edited (Yesterday 12:20am)
Me: I could get used to waking up to these kinds of pics every morning (the next day)
Her: Hahaha

Anyway. I am wondering if you fine gentlemen have some insight on how I can turn the vibe more sexual and playful rather than keeping it work related?

Sounds like she is just using you for the photo shoot. That last message where she sends Haha pretty much sums it up. Unless you built the attraction with her in person to let her know what's up I don't see how you can convert her.

If she was DTF or flirty she would have sent you a more slutty picture perhaps with her in bed or something like that.

Please tell more of the story because it sounds like just business to me. All that stuff you said with keeping the mood light and such is what photographers are suppose to do if i'm not mistaken.

How did you escalate with her in person in a non-business manner?

You even said she is hitting you up for another shoot as in professional photo shoot.

If she is paying you good money then why would you take the chance of mixing business with pleasure. What are the consequences if she is not receptive of your sexual advances vs the benefits?

(12-18-2015 04:18 AM)LA Savage Wrote:  Sounds like she is just using you for the photo shoot. That last message where she sends Haha pretty much sums it up. Unless you built the attraction with her in person to let her know what's up I don't see how you can convert her.

If she was DTF or flirty she would have sent you a more slutty picture perhaps with her in bed or something like that.

Please tell more of the story because it sounds like just business to me. All that stuff you said with keeping the mood light and such is what photographers are suppose to do if i'm not mistaken.

How did you escalate with her in person in a non-business manner?

You even said she is hitting you up for another shoot as in professional photo shoot.

If she is paying you good money then why would you take the chance of mixing business with pleasure. What are the consequences if she is not receptive of your sexual advances vs the benefits?

Thanks for the feedback. And yes, fair enough... "hahaha" is not an ideal response. Let me give some more background information.

I attempt to keep shoots professional for good business practice. But throughout the shoot I would put my arm around her, grab her hand, direct her around physically as I would in a nightclub. I would add in teases which she would respond to by playing with her hair or blushing. I would try and get sexual by saying how sexy her body looked.

So I am pretty sure there potential for something more than just a professional relationship. But my question is do I try and break out of that frame via text messaging or simply use texting to line something up in person and then work the magic 1 on 1.

Thanks,

Gandt

First of all your relationship with this chick is purely professional and from my point of view it's a 'don't shit where you eat' scenario. I'd be reluctant trying to push this further because of the high risks involved. What if (worst case scenario) shit hits the fan and she accuses you of assault or even rape? This will not only fuck up your personal life, you're putting your business at risk also. And, what if she says "no" but the both of you remain working together..?Think about that before you try and push this any further.

If you do decide you want to see where this will go, here's what I would do. Mind you I'm a newbie, so perhaps you want to wait for the veterans and their view on this!

Do not try to create attraction and make her fall in love with you by texting. That doesn't work and especially since you two know eachother in person the correct route will be a date. I would however try to line up this date by text messaging so if this goes south you've got proof she knew about your intentions and was willing (or not) to go on a date with you. Now this might come across as being too cautious but record your date (audio) on your phone or something else. This advice is been given a lot across the RVF and there's a reason why.

By the way, this is something I'm curious about. Do you have any security cams in and around your studio? You would'nt be the first photographer accused of crimes he didn't commit. Not sure if this conflicts with any laws though.

(12-18-2015 01:23 AM)gandt Wrote:  Her: *Sends sexy picture to me that she edited (Yesterday 12:20am)
Me: I could get used to waking up to these kinds of pics every morning (the next day)
Her: Hahaha

Anyway. I am wondering if you fine gentlemen have some insight on how I can turn the vibe more sexual and playful rather than keeping it work related?

Your response was very, very thirsty.

You realize as a model guys call her sexy and compliment her beauty all the time right?

You realize that if you're an in-demand, high SMV guy who ALSO is a model photographer that you should have about the least amount of thirst short of a rock star or other famous person, right?

You've gotta be VERY careful about putting her on a pedestal. The only way you should be complimenting her appearance is from an artistic perspective, but better if it's a critique and you're showing your mastery of the domain.

Can you see how that contrasts starkly with what you said?

I agree with others that her response is negative. It's a pretty avoidant response.

I'd keep the texts professional from here on out, get her on more shoots, and keep it light/playful and only escalate if she's really showing interest.