Post: #101

(07-10-2013 11:25 PM)Vitriol Wrote:  

(07-10-2013 09:31 PM)MrXY Wrote:  rather than seem like a weirdo loner like a lot of guys seem to fear (and it's a greatly exaggerated fear)

This type of thing is REALLY exaggerated. Do you really think anyone knows or cares that much about some random dude in a big city?

Stop giving a shit and do what you came to do.

Consider this; maybe the weirdos are the people all around you that feel the need to have a social crutch (friend or wingman/wingwoman etc), and you're just a step or two ahead of them in the true art of socializing.

Post: #102

went out solo this Friday night. met some friends after work, about 5 beers later they had to leave - I didn't want to call it a night. back to my apt for about 30 to quick change get fresh and drop some work stuff off - this is usually my sticking point, in the comfort of my place, why leave if I have no plans.

decided on the way that I was NOT staying in, and would move fast as hell not to get stuck (I tend to let one thing turn to another and 2 hours later...)

went to this new happening place by a marina, outdoors with a tent, dancing, 4 bars. packed. perfect spot right?

lost all of my energy!! I was in a bad place to begin with - my on again off again ex / childs mother told me earlier in the week that she's in a relationship - and I thought we were going to continue working on things

plus my buzz was whacked due to time between drinks probably 1 hour. I wandered around but made no approaches. I sat at the bar and 5 mins later 2 women came by and said I was in their seat lol - I was like serious? their friends were all around me and nobody told me. danced with them for a bit later on the floor but never tried to make that connection. danced with a couple of older women but no approaches on the hot young ones who were all around me.

didn't try any game - couldn't think. approach anxiety / depressive moment - bad buzz, bad week. at least I went out but man next time I think ill roll in sober, get my good buzz point there, which unfortunately I need a bit, and try harder.

Post: #103

pro14,

You have to get yourself in the right mindframe.

I did a thread earlier on how I prepare: /thread-20868.html

Post: #104

I've been taking baby steps and being rolling solo a few times now, but didn't approach girls at all, but i'm still happy because just the mere act of going out alone is a success for me.
Before doing this i was scared of what people would think when they will see me alone, but in fact people don't give a shit about you, and now i start to become more confident while solo.
I will now focus on going out solo more often AND approach !

Post: #105

(07-14-2013 03:21 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  pro14,

You have to get yourself in the right mindframe.

I did a thread earlier on how I prepare: /thread-20868.html

thank you my friend - going to check this out right now.

Post: #106

@pro14- dress for going out before meeting w/friends. Losing momentum is death. Flask it if you have to.

Post: #107

You will be forced to go out solo as you get older and your boys get tied down and have kids. You might as well start early than late.

Post: #108

Houston,

What venues do you hit up solo?

Bars, clubs, concerts, events etc.

Post: #109

^^Everywhere except clubs. I'll admit I'm not a big fan of going to places with huge groups of people if I'm alone.

Post: #110

ha. I hit all venues now. Sometimes Ill have a solo expedition. Start at sushi bar (ideal place for solo eating and socializing), then hop to a bar (for extended happy hour- college students love late happy hours), then another bar or a club (sometimes bouncing girls or a group w/me), then afterhours.

Thats why its so important to have good venue understanding.

Post: #111

In the moment, people do not know you are solo anyway. When I got out with friends I often break away from them anyway (and then come back to them and the go away again), as far as anyone in the crowd is concerned, at any moment, you are just another person there who happens to be by himself at that time.

But what you are working against often, is I think, everyone elses fear of being alone, an outcast! you can really notice how much effort so many people put into NOT being alone! It really does put the pressure on.

My advice is to start early. The earlier the better. Take it easy with yourself and warm up into being social. It is hard to keep momentum if you turn up somewhere at midnight where people are already in full swing. If you can start at nine when things are just beginning to warm up, then you can be full warmed up and have the momentum you need to deal with 11-12pm.

Post: #112

I fear going out by myself because my city has a high percent of gay dudes who try to date rape straight men.

Post: #113

For rolling out solo, I've found that timing and venue are key. Recently I hit up some spots in LA around 8 or 9pm on weekdays and it's been dry (probably due to winter). Not a lot of girls out, so I was only able to make a couple of approaches before heading back around 11.

Thoughts for next time:
- Perhaps the sweet spot is 5-9pm, when young professionals hit up happy hours and maybe grab a drink after.
- Go out earlier. Even though I like to eat at home (healthier, tastier and cheaper...meaning more money for drinks), if you don't hit up a good spot by 7pm, there will probably be slim pickings.

Still, the best thing is to find a networking / socializing event to hit up. Girls love this stuff, plus it demonstrates a bit of status. The previous week I met models and actresses that were very approachable just because we went to the same event.

LA is not the easiest nut to crack, but in time, it'll be worth it.

Post: #114

In my experience, it's about progressively leaning into your edge.

Constantly working to expand your comfort zone.

Meditation helps tremendously as you train yourself to be unreactive and dissociate from your neurotic thoughts and ego which are the source of your anxiety.

Getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and just being with and accepting the feelings/emotions going on inside you at all times instead of resisting them.

What you resist, persists.

Trust that by taking right action and facing your fears, over time you will adapt and it won't be a big deal anymore (think of the principle of progressive overload and the adaptations that occur when you lift weights, at first you could barely bench 135 but soon after progressively and consistently putting in the work, you're throwing it up with ease).

Fear can only survive as long as you resist it.

Work through it, instead.

Post: #115

From my first experience going out solo I can remember that it was a good night and I had no fears.

The reason was that when I'd party with friends, I'd always end up separated inside the venue and had to learn to adapt to being alone in a venue.

So by the time that I first went out solo I was effectively already used to doing so, the only difference is that I also had to walk in solo which no big deal. Once inside it was the same old. I'd highly recommend separating from your friends inside a venue as a training wheels method to anyone who is apprehensive about going out solo.

Post: #116

I like going out solo. When you pull, you're a game god. When you fail, you have nobody else to blame but yourself. You can also control much better the variables (time of arrival, warm up, quantity of alcohol drunk, the best spots on the venue, the targets you approach, etc.)

The main problem with going out solo is that it accelerates the burn-out process of going out at night. I have done it consistently for the past two years and a half. Being an introvert, I have to drink a lot to re-create the energy that a wingman typically gives you. It's also much tougher when I'm going to a venue for the first time. After the place becomes familiar, I get more relaxed and my vibe and confidence naturally improve - and so does my perceived social proof.

The more high-end, less alternative the venue is, the more important social circles and social proof will be. So the more frowned upon going there solo will be. In such venues, I don't ever recall admitting to a girl to having gone out solo. Some examples of answers I have given to them:
- My buddy is with some girl in another area of the club (only works on big , full-housed venues). If I end up hooking the girl, I say "my buddy has just messaged me, he left with the girl" - that could also be good in potentially convincing your target that other girls are actually doing ONS.
- My buddy has already left for some bullshit reason (drank too much, was tired, received a booty call from his ex-gf, etc.)
- If the night has just started, I say my buddy is coming. If I hook the girl, I say, "he probably fell asleep at home". Had that happen to me actually once, so it comes naturally.
- A few times I have pointed to a group of random people near me and said, "I'm with them, but don't really know them well, they're friends of a friend that was with me in another venue but didn't come".

All the examples above work.

Even then, I'm pretty sure I have missed out on a few ONSs because of being solo at the venue. If I were rolling with a group (i.e. had more social proof), the girl would have trusted me more, possibly enough to leave with me. Still, while you're delaying the bang, you're still doing something good to your game instead of staying at home and jerking off to XVideos.

When I'm not in my home city, then it's easier and more natural to pull the "I'm solo because I don't know anybody here" card.

Post: #117

I forgot how scared I used to get. I still feel nervous sometimes but I push it out of me and keep on going. You have to be somewhat of a lone wolf if you plan on hunting fresh pussy for your adult life.

Post: #118

This is almost worth a separate thread, but culture and location are so important when rolling solo. When I lived in NYC I would ONLY roll solo and often turned down social events with friends so I could go out myself instead....going out with male friends was just an occasional "grab a beer and watch the game"-thing that was totally different then trying to get laid. Because I went out regularly I had huge social proof everywhere I went...if u walk into a good lounge or restaurant with a bar and get a big hug from the hostess and the bartender drops what he is doing to come say hi that is way better then entering with friends even if they seem cool. Usually i didnt have to do really "cold" approaches because women would give me huge indicators of interest or even would just approach me....if no women showed interest or opened then i'd just go to the next spot until something hit. It worked and it was a lot of fun.

Fast-forward a year, I moved to London and it destroyed this aspect of my game. People in London seem think it is very weird to go out alone at night and the service industry doesnt have the same setup where bartenders/hosetesses "proof" regulars in return for repeat business and tips. Also weeknights were the bread and butter of my solo game in NY and weeknights seem much tougher for me in London. It's been really the hardest part of adjusting to london and the quality of women i am pulling has fallen pretty dramatically.

Anyway not to bitch or sound like I'm making excuses, but i think NYC is great for solo game and London has really set me back in this area...maybe i need to focus on day game.

Post: #119

(02-23-2014 08:09 AM)tbone46 Wrote:  This is almost worth a separate thread, but culture and location are so important when rolling solo. When I lived in NYC I would ONLY roll solo and often turned down social events with friends so I could go out myself instead....going out with male friends was just an occasional "grab a beer and watch the game"-thing that was totally different then trying to get laid. Because I went out regularly I had huge social proof everywhere I went...if u walk into a good lounge or restaurant with a bar and get a big hug from the hostess and the bartender drops what he is doing to come say hi that is way better then entering with friends even if they seem cool. Usually i didnt have to do really "cold" approaches because women would give me huge indicators of interest or even would just approach me....if no women showed interest or opened then i'd just go to the next spot until something hit. It worked and it was a lot of fun.

Fast-forward a year, I moved to London and it destroyed this aspect of my game. People in London seem think it is very weird to go out alone at night and the service industry doesnt have the same setup where bartenders/hosetesses "proof" regulars in return for repeat business and tips. Also weeknights were the bread and butter of my solo game in NY and weeknights seem much tougher for me in London. It's been really the hardest part of adjusting to london and the quality of women i am pulling has fallen pretty dramatically.

Anyway not to bitch or sound like I'm making excuses, but i think NYC is great for solo game and London has really set me back in this area...maybe i need to focus on day game.

Great post. I find I have no problem going out solo when I'm on vacation but back home I still have a bit of fear of being recognized by by somebody.

Post: #120

Went out solo for the first time last night. It was one of the best nights i've had in ages. I didn't pull or focus too much on gaming but still had so much fun (from what I remember).

Definitely going to roll solo more in the future. Less booze and more game next time.

Post: #121

starting to go out solo more. had a tinder date that ended around midnight, and on my way home stopped in front of this lounge near my apartment. stood outside for a bit and looked at my phone and was opened almost immediately by a few women outside looking for cigarettes. I didnt go in, because all I think I would do is stand there and look at my phone, which is lame. Maybe I will try it tonight. I can do pretty much anything alone, day game, travel, dinner at the bar, museums, concerts, but going into a stupid bar and getting a drink by myself has always let me uneasy. maybe its associating it with when I was growing up and saw the regulars in a family members bar everyday, who had to come in and get plowed. but I have to force my comfort zones, and every time I do I usually have a good time and talk to girls.

Post: #122

Going out solo is all about getting mentally prepared and not seeming desperate cause your setbacks will hurt much more. Getting in the groove and taking extra time for preparation is pretty much mandatory. Also, you gotta focus and have your eyes on the prize, if you think you look like a drunk getting pissed alone then ,well, you are a drunk getting pissed alone. Focus on positivity and remember why you got out at the first place.

Now, once you have established a good stable positive outlook, you can imo try two different types of game:

1)Mystery man in the corner as I like to call it - I do this by going into the bars a little early and taking a book with me. Simply set your position up as you would be a sniper, overlooking the bar but at the same time getting noticed enough. Now this style is very venue-dependent, but in any case you just can't seem desperate with something intellectual in your hands. You just seem to be casually reading and maybe waiting for a friend, but peoples eyes will drift on you and you will be deemed intriguing. Anyway, with this approach to going out solo, you automatically seem less desperate and more intriguing and on top of that, you can make up cool backstories on the go.

2)The new guy game - relatively easy and fun to pull off, for this a stable social circle and going to the bar well before its packed is pretty much a must. You get into a discussion with a big table and start to socialize with them, making you seem like one of them for the outsiders. That way, you can easily dodge the 'who are you with' or 'are you out alone' bullets with girls you're mingling with later on. In case your 'friends' leave at one point or another, you can just say that they weren't really feeling it today or whatever.

At least in my opinion, the key to soloing is turning the 'desperate' emotion into 'intriguing' and under any circumstances not letting your spirits go down. Hope my ramble added to the discussion at hand.

Post: #123

Went out solo last night for the first time in a while.

It started with me sitting around my place at 8, watching a movie, and thinking that I shouldn't be wasting my time. I put on a nice shirt, sport coat (w/ pocket square), and dress pants, listened to some McQueen podcasts (incidentally, the one where he and Dagonet were talking about flying solo) and headed out around 9.

I went to my favourite burger restaurant in the city and sat at the bar. While I was ordering, a 7 blond sat down around the corner of the bar from me. I have been reading Bang recently, and thought about talking to her right off the bat, but being severely out of practice, I hesitated. Part of me was thinking, well, if this goes to shit, then we both have to sit here and eat our food in silence.

I noticed though she had a book that was named after a building on the campus I work at, so I knew I had at least one thing to ask her about. I ended up waiting until she was done, and then opened her by asking what she had and if it was any good. We shot the shit about other burger joints, then about the book, from which I confirmed that we went to the same school. I asked her what she did, and she asked me what I did (...Green light). I work in a field here that is pretty uncommon, and I'm pretty advanced in it, so she was pretty excited to find out more about what I do. She asked where I'd like to end up, and I told her I had been to the UK in the last year, and wanted to work there in the future. She said she had been there a fair bit as her 'BF' lives in London. Now, previously, if I had heard the boyfriend word dropped on me, I would have pulled the 'chute on the convo pretty quickly. However, I ignored it and plowed on. We then moved on to talking about films, as she's apparently in Cinema Studies, and it turned out she and I both really loved the same poorly received movie.

We finished our pints around the same time, and while she was paying her bill, I asked her name, and gave her mine. She wished me luck with my work, and I then said: "Look, I know you have a boyfriend in England, but let's grab a coffee sometime.". She immediately agreed, and I gave her my number, which was a big mistake of course, as I'll likely never hear from her again. However, the biggest thing I took from this is that I can actually approach girls sober while solo. I'm not an extroverted guy, so this was an accomplishment for me.

I ended up going to another bar, and bailed after a couple drinks. The great thing about this though is that I made up my mind that I didn't want to be there, and just left. If I was out with a couple of dudes, it for sure wouldn't have been that easy. Walking home, I was pretty pleased with myself. I showed some initiative, did two things I didn't think I could do (go solo and open up a girl relatively sober), and learned that it isn't a big deal. I'll definately be doing this more in the near future.

Post: #124

Good work Frontenac, what most guys don't realise is that most women are flattered when a man talks to them, so long as he's reasonably confident, not dressed like a total bum, and has ok body language (all of which gets better with practise).
I think in 9/10 cases, the worst you will get is a polite response and a conversation closing response, rather than outright rejection, which is pretty rare (that's the 1/10 and this lessens as you get more experience).

Post: #125

(01-28-2012 09:32 PM)Screwston Wrote:  That first night inspired me to go to concerts alone, art events, museums, anywhere I could possibly fuck a girl. I felt "player baptized" and like I was seeing the light for the first time. I truly believe if I can do it, anyone can. Hell, think of me not even being able to park my car because I was so scared of what was inside if it makes it easier for you.

Fuck yeah - great thread. I know this is an old one but congrats on rising to the challenge.

I got out solo 99% of the time, especially now that I live overseas. But I was like that back home too. I can't even remember what it was like being nervous to do so - just love it and I almost feel too on the spot gaming if I go out with guys to pick up chicks.

A lot of guys seem too concerned about making it happen when they're together, whereas I'd rather just hang about and see where the night takes me instead of being on some kind of rush. Solo allows to go where I want, do what I want, leave when I want, and do things my way.

I think I have slipped into the bad habit of looking too much like I'm on the prowl lately though. Walking in the door and looking all over the room for girls worth hitting on or sitting with my own thoughts rather than talking to people immediately. I don't think I've appeared as "fun" as I did in the past.

This thread was a good reminder to lighten up and have a good time with it again.

(01-29-2012 08:07 AM)ElJefe Wrote:  Wager for a beer/drink, and the wager is you bet she can't repeat the same moves you're about to make. Remind her it's important to follow you closely. Has to be done with a glass, bottles won't do. Save it until 15-20 minutes into the interaction when already thinks you're cool and you guys are having a decent convo.

Do everything slowly so she has a chance to follow.

I place my hands on the table/bar, one on each side of my glass, so does she. I move one hand forward, then back, then the other forward, then back. She's going to think it's a "mirroring" challenge. I take a sip from my drink, so does she. I DON'T SWALLOW, I just keep the sip in my mouth without saying anything. Naturally, she swallows.

Then I repeat the hand movement as before. So does she, wondering why I am so retarded. Then I take my glass, raise it to my mouth as if to toast (she HAS to look you in the eyes while doing this). She does the same.

Then I spit the sip out back into my glass, and she cracks up.

This was awesome. Going to try it.

Have any more?

(06-23-2012 05:02 AM)dk902 Wrote:  I actually turn down offers from friends because I prefer to go out by myself.

I do this all the time too. haha

Quote:I think G said it best: 'There's no one's company I prefer more than my own.'

And that is why the G is a legend.

What a great line.

(07-06-2013 01:23 AM)GLethal85 Wrote:  

(07-06-2013 01:16 AM)Therapsid Wrote:  GLethal - Did you drink?

It seems like you were on a different wavelength because all those chicks, like shot girl, were getting sauced.

No I was sober. The sprite lasted me a while then I got a bottle of Newcastle.

Didn't really think about their drunkness, but definitely will keep that factor in back of my head moving forward.

Didn't even think about it? that's huge, Man. You're way ahead of the game if you're out sober and not even feeling self-concscious about it.

(07-08-2013 07:39 PM)kenny_powers Wrote:  3. I am looking for women that are out solo. (there are more than you think)

Truth! And we all no what a woman is doing out solo!

(07-10-2013 08:53 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  skydiving

Skydiving solo would be fun. Going to do it next time I get a chance.

Some cool points in your post.

At the end of the day, YOU DO EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD SOLO. Most people just have others holding their hands to the busstop and back.

Realizing you can let go of those hands and walk your own damn self to the game of life is a liberating moment!

(07-10-2013 09:31 PM)MrXY Wrote:  We sat down at the bar, and the bartender came right over and said "Do you want "xxx" (a certain cocktail) or "yyy" (a certain beer). The bartenders there know I always start out drinking one of those two. I told the bartender which and the girl just turned to look at me with astonishment and said "Cool!" Instant DHV and comfort building.

Good bartender helping you look important like that. Hope you tipped him well.

(07-11-2013 01:38 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  Let me give you guys a wake up call. I am an Asian. I go out solo in 90% white state. I am one of few asian guys at a bar and will probably the only asian guy hitting on white girls and I get stared at. But I still go out.
Plus, I am not a native speaker. The first thing I worked on was delivering 'hey how's it going' and saying my name correctly.

Unless you are a white/black dude in china, you can't make any excuses.
Why are you scared of people just looking like you and grew up in the same culture?
Just go out.

Right on, Brother. You speak truth. I'm doing the same thing Asia-side.

I can relate to trying to talk to people when you don't know their language. And then succeeding with the infiltration.

Nothing like it.

May your solo pussy adventures be long and prosperous.

(07-22-2013 12:04 AM)Wavy Wrote:  I fear going out by myself because my city has a high percent of gay dudes who try to date rape straight men.

(02-22-2014 04:43 PM)shotgun Wrote:  I like going out solo. When you pull, you're a game god. When you fail, you have nobody else to blame but yourself. You can also control much better the variables (time of arrival, warm up, quantity of alcohol drunk, the best spots on the venue, the targets you approach, etc.)

The main problem with going out solo is that it accelerates the burn-out process of going out at night.

A lot of truth in this. You can easily become an alcoholic when you get too comfortable with solo bar missions. Easily the greatest pitfall here.

Quote:If I end up hooking the girl, I say "my buddy has just messaged me, he left with the girl" - that could also be good in potentially convincing your target that other girls are actually doing ONS.

I like it - nice jedi mind trick slipping in that little morsel of social proof there.

(04-24-2014 08:35 AM)Frontenac Wrote:  I ended up going to another bar, and bailed after a couple drinks. The great thing about this though is that I made up my mind that I didn't want to be there, and just left. If I was out with a couple of dudes, it for sure wouldn't have been that easy.

It really is so much fucking easier. I hate the way you always spend so long rounding everyone up with groups, especially big groups. Drives me insane.

I studied in Europe for a while with a bunch of other Americans and I went out every single night, almost, while there. On the nights everyone came, I'd almost go insane, and eventually, I'd just turn a corner and split.

After a while people caught on and two or three stragglers would make sure to keep their eye on me so they could follow me to the next place. They knew I was the one having all the fun. haha

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling