RE: Women that want to "take it slow" and "be friends first"
The girl I'm living with now (Filipina from a traditional conservative family) was a virgin when we first met.
We spent a long time dating before we even kissed, let alone had sex.
This was manageable for me because we lived in different cities at first, and because as long as she wasn't satisfying me sexually, I allowed myself the freedom to get the pussy elsewhere. I don't mess around on her now that we've passed that stage (not saying it would never happen but certainly not something I'm on the lookout for).
Anyhow...
We'd been talking online off and on for some months and both had expressed quite a bit of interest in each other. I started making plans to hop on a boat and go meet her.
Suddenly she tried to slip in a little subtle speed bump that day before I even got on the boat...I made a comment about our "date" (probably my own way of verifying expectations) and in a good-natured manner she rebutted that we were meeting as "friends" rather than going on a date.
Uh, wot?
Full stop. I put the issue right out on the table.
I told her, look we've been talking a while now and both made it clear we're into each other. Seeing if we want to move this forward is the ONLY reason I'm coming to see you. I'm fine with taking it slow, but if I'm getting on a boat and coming to get a motel room in your city, it's a date. Period.
If not, I'm canceling this trip and you can find some other guy to take you out.
As you can imagine, she changed the tune on that one pretty fast and begged me to come.
It's a date! It's a date!
She tried to do something similar a couple times later on while courting her, and each time I pulled the brakes again and forced a 100% unanimous agreement of what we were up to and why. No, I'm not another male in a long line of guys who'd feel lucky to be around you - we're dating or we're not.
Again, was willing to wait and get to know each other more before getting physical (and I was, because last thing I want to do is pump, dump, and ruin the world's dwindling supply of principled women anyways), but no way am I doing that on vague terms or lost somewhere there between a romantic interest and a "friend."
Of course I eventually did bang her.
And I won't lie - it was a hard churn to get there and it took a LOT of patience. I almost gave up on it a couple times. even kissing her and then teaching her to kiss was a fucking chore.
Then for a while it was just making out and "petting." First two or three times that I literally tried to put my dick in her it was too painful/scary for her to take more than the tip (and I've never claimed to be packing much either lol).
In the end I had to to use a little guilt tripping and fear of losing me to get the deed done. She'd been teetering on the edge for too long at this point and needed a good push over.
Now, don't get me wrong...no way in hell would I sign up my average player friend just looking to get another piece of ass to this slow torture...
But...
It was worth it all looking back. 100%.
I have a great chick now. I very well may marry her or plant a couple kids in her someday, and before that, I had gotten to the point where I didn't think I had that in me. I'm approaching 40 so the timing seems right.
Other men (and women) who meet her repeatedly make remarks about what a solid girl I've got and about the connection we have with each other. Can't tell you how many have urged me to put a ring on her finger. You don't hear that much around these parts, either; it's all old sleazy players and miserable divorcees.
Being the only guy she's ever kissed, let alone had sex with, has definitely fostered that strong connection between us. She's very sexual now, so I didn't lose out there even if I had to teach her everything ("cherry" on top - her tits even grew bigger after she started having sex.). She worships the ground I walk on.
In her mind, breaking up isn't an option on the table for discussion, ever. Period.
It is for me, of course - I believe men should always keep a willingness to walk away in his back pocket. But for her no way.
She's also fairly intelligent. Filipina women aren't generally bright as a rule, but this one picks up new skills in a matter of a couple days, runs the books at her work, pulls apart broken electronics and figures out how to fix them on her own, and loves playing chess with me so much she actually beats me from time to time.
This may be a stretch, but I think there's a sign of intelligence in women who hold on to their virginity longer. For one, they better recognize what's in it for them, so to speak, and in my opinion, stupid people just aren't all that great at self control.
Clearly, intelligence is a good thing if I do end up knocking her up.
Bottom line, I feel so much more deeply satisfied with this girl than I ever did with any of the hundreds of casual bangs, or the handfuls of girlfriends I had who handed over the puss on the first 1-3 dates.
Yeah, I had to jump through a lot of hoops. But because of that, I ended up reasonably confident that I'm with someone not just any guy can get his hands on. And a young woman who values integrity, genuine connection, and long-term satisfaction over short-term satisfaction. All things I was missing in a way that made me feel hollow inside...
The influence such a woman has had on my life, the life of a man who has spent decades of his life with no real structure, just drinking and slaying and forsaking anything that might make him feel "tied down," is extremely grounding as well. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm obligated to something, that I have something worth working and sacrificing for.
It's an intimidating but liberating feeling both at once.
Do you put a woman on a pedestal by waiting and "courting" her?
I don't think so. It can look that way, and obviously some common sense and awareness is needed - every situation is different. But I think if you're willing to draw a line in the sand (like I did every time she played the "friend" game), it doesn't have to be.
Virgins (and other women who prefer to move slow) are still women and of course will still play games and act like children sometimes. See what they can get away with. Maybe even see if they can get some of your resources without anything in return.
Many guys don't want to rock the boat if they haven't hit it yet, thinking they'll scare the cat. But that's a mistake. Virgins can get emotionally attached before you penetrate, and by default they have more time to toy with you. So you absolutely can and should call them out still when they fuck up.
In my eyes, going slow with a girl isn't necessarily about her value relative to yours (i.e. pussy pedestal concerns). Not at all. It also goes a long way towards defining what you expect in the dynamic between a man and a woman too.
I mean, c'mon - my girl knows I have been a player my whole life and have done all kinds of degenerate shit. I've never hid this from her.
By switching over to old school gentleman for her, we both know I'm "putting on an act" - not as in I'm faking it, but as in I'm accepting a certain role, to play a centuries old "game" with her. And by doing that I send some strong subconscious messages.
Part of that is that yes, you are not like the other girls. I value you more than them.
Not because you are hotter than them or because your pussy smells like roses or something. But because you conduct yourself in a dignified manner and act like a woman worthy of respect (in a world and time where doing that takes true fortitude, no less).
And therefore you deserve my respect, attention, and protection like a lot of other women do not.
That goes both ways, though.
See, if I value and honor those things, I solidify their existence. Now that I've signed on, the last thing my woman will want to do is anything that gives me reason to doubt the game we've chosen to play.
I'm with her because she's a "good girl," and that's very clear. So, if she's no longer that good girl, I have no reason to make the sacrifices I make to be with her.
And then there's this.
You start out with a girl playing "traditional" gender roles and it sets the tone and foundation for your entire relationship. We're not going to be traditional when it comes to the initial courtship and then act like every other dysfunctional gender-confused relationship in every other aspect of our life.
That's just too incongruent.
So, there's sort of an unwritten rule that we've cosigned on sticking with tradition. And that permeates everything we do.
She is 100% absorbed in the art and discipline of being all woman. And has completely submitted to my leadership.
While that's partly just her nature and culture, I believe that signing on to the process of courting and slowly seducing a conservative woman preserves the bargain being struck in a man agreeing to just be a man and a woman agreeing to just be a woman.
And hey, if securing that took some months of blue balls, building massive comfort when all I wanted to do was escalate, and all around feeling like a frustrated 16-year-old kid again...
I'd say what we've got is all the better for it in the end.
Not for everyone, I know. And much easier to find these types in the Philippines than America.
But that's my two cents anyhow.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
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