Post: #1

Hey guys,

I’ve been posting in the no contact thread...I’ve kept up with no contact, but I’ve found that it’s really difficult for me to approach girls at bars, on the street, etc. earlier tonight I was at a bar and I said to my friend, “I just feel like I have no swagger or mojo after dumping my gf”...it’s been two months since I broke up with my live in girlfriend of over two years and I’m still pretty broken hearted over it despite knowing logically it was for the best...

I know I sound like a bitch, but I’d rather vent on the forums then send a regrettable text. Anyone else found that after a breakup with a girl you were deeply invested in that it takes a bit of time to get back to who you were prior to the relationship? I’ve been banging old plates since the breakup and a couple new girls, so it’s not like I’ve been in a slump. It’s just hard to fully get back out there. Sorry for ranting and as always thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.

Post: #2

(03-10-2019 12:38 AM)Scooby6987 Wrote:  Hey guys,

I’ve been posting in the no contact thread...I’ve kept up with no contact, but I’ve found that it’s really difficult for me to approach girls at bars, on the street, etc. earlier tonight I was at a bar and I said to my friend, “I just feel like I have no swagger or mojo after dumping my gf”...it’s been two months since I broke up with my live in girlfriend of over two years and I’m still pretty broken hearted over it despite knowing logically it was for the best...

I know I sound like a bitch, but I’d rather vent on the forums then send a regrettable text. Anyone else found that after a breakup with a girl you were deeply invested in that it takes a bit of time to get back to who you were prior to the relationship? I’ve been banging old plates since the breakup and a couple new girls, so it’s not like I’ve been in a slump. It’s just hard to fully get back out there. Sorry for ranting and as always thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.

The heart works in mysterious ways. I just posted in the threesome thread about one I just had.

Know what happened after the threesome?

They passed out in the bed. I went to the couch and called the ex.

A quick search will tell all the normal advice: focus on work/biz, lift heavy weights, bang other girls, no contact.

But the heart will still do what it does. Just gotta understand that, respect and actually appreciate the emotions, and drive on. Eventually you will look back and not give a fuck about the ex. It may take a week, it may take a month, it may take years, it may take a lifetime. No one here can tell you that answer.

Post: #3

Thanks man. Appreciate the kind words. It’s tough to admit sometimes that we have emotions and that this shit is tough, but it’s always nice to be able to post here and vent and get feedback from all you guys.

Post: #4

(03-10-2019 01:18 AM)Scooby6987 Wrote:  Thanks man. Appreciate the kind words. It’s tough to admit sometimes that we have emotions and that this shit is tough, but it’s always nice to be able to post here and vent and get feedback from all you guys.

In times of weakness I always find it best to read the classics here. It makes you realize that even seasoned vets have these problems. I'm also a big fan of the book of pook. Google it if you havent heard about it.

Normally when I'm feeling clingy and emotional, a good gym session and the classic here + book of pook + hitting up new girls gets the mind straight.

But again I still feel it's important to embrace the feelings and not be ashamed of them. We are ultimately animals and are whim to biology. And so is that girl we are stuck on.

Post: #5

Know the feeling, been through it quite a few times myself. Sometimes it can actually take quite a while for the mojo to come back no matter what you do. Just keep plugging away, going out approaching etc.

Previously I recall going out loads for months and not really getting anywhere, working twice as hard to get girls half as good as the ex. Feeling like i'm banging my head against a brick wall and thinking maybe I couldn't get a girl like that again. Then bam, out of the blue on a night when you least expect it, you'll score a worldie. And all those feelings you had about your ex will almost completely dissipate overnight and suddenly you're right back on top of your game.

The key is that the catalyst for breaking you out of the rut is not banging a load of 6s, but scoring one really top chick. Like a step up in quality from what you have normally got before. Which of course is not easy to get and may take a while. But ultimately it will happen eventually as you'll use the pain of the breakup to fuel you to work even harder on yourself and get better. It won't be obvious to you though that you're improving as you'll still be getting blowouts (in fact probably more blowouts as you're approaching more and tougher sets) but have faith that under the hood you're getting stronger.

Eventually, with enough nights out you'll inevitably one night also get that little stroke of luck where everything falls into place and you'll score yourself the hottest bird you've ever got so far. And you'll be amazed at how all of a sudden you almost won't think about your ex at all anymore. In fact, it's probably likely that after a while your ex will come back and chase you, but you've already moved onto better things.

So keep working on yourself and putting yourself out there. All the while having the faith that it'll come good eventually. Cos if you stick at it, trust me it will.

Post: #6

Find the root cause of the issue. It's actually technology.

Delete the number, block it. Get rid of social media if necessary.

The problem with such outlets is it makes reestablishing contact way too easy. In past times you would move on rather than being clingy.

Go approach. Go relieve some stress. As some friends of mine say, "bros before hoes." Go do some fun shit and enjoy yourself.

Post: #7

This thread helped me wake up and focus on the important things.

Internalize them steps in any order you want.

/thread-70454...ht=Oneitis

Post: #8

Put in for vacation time and take a trip far away. The distance of the Atlantic or Pacific oceans can do miracles for a broken heart and get your swag back.(Or South to South America if you're coming from the states) Keep your chin up bro. Time rolls on, you'll heal. Just keep moving forward. If you ain't moving forward, or your stagnant, you're moving backwards. But I'd say lesson learned for next time. I believe if a man has dated a good smorgasbord of women to recognize good and evil, after 6 months he should know if a girl is right for him. If you ain't planning on getting her to pop out kids, don't be spending years with a girl. Puts you and her in bad spot, and you just end up more bitter and jaded if it don't work out. We're men, not robots, we do believe it or not have feelings and emotions.

Post: #9

(03-10-2019 01:40 AM)Irish Wrote:  Eventually, with enough nights out you'll inevitably one night also get that little stroke of luck where everything falls into place and you'll score yourself the hottest bird you've ever got so far. And you'll be amazed at how all of a sudden you almost won't think about your ex at all anymore. In fact, it's probably likely that after a while your ex will come back and chase you, but you've already moved onto better things.

Troof.
This happened to me.
My ex walked out on our marriage in February. By October I was in Colombia and found a girl who totally blew her out of the water. Problem solved. It took six months. YMMV

Post: #10

(03-10-2019 02:57 AM)Heuristics Wrote:  Go approach. Go relieve some stress. As some friends of mine say, "bros before hoes." Go do some fun shit and enjoy yourself.

OP is saying that he doesn't WANT to do that.

Post: #11

You hitting the gym, OP?

Resolves 80% of my stress, from all causes.

Post: #12

^What they said. Hit the gym hard as fuck, chill with your boys and work on your hobbies/hustle/cash. It'll come back

Post: #13

Just grasp the nettle, feel the pain and understand that it will take time to grieve and recover.

Its good news because it means you have a heart, still can pair bond and are not a psychopath without emotions...

Time.

Post: #14

Hold fast, power through your emotions, keep yourself busy.

Shit hurts man, it's tough, but there's ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.

Lot's of great advice here - Rat's kept it real simple, time will heal.

Post: #15

Thanks guys! Appreciate the kind words and support.

Post: #16

I went through a bad breakup last year. The relationship with this girl was only around 4 months, but dealing with her, and the aftermath of the breakup, left me with anxiety and in floods of tears for several long months in 2018. I lost the first half of that year. I've never ever in all of my 40 years reacted this way to a girl before, even with my LTR of 7 years. It truly was something that scared the shit out of me. She had a personality disorder and she infected me like a virus.

The good news is, it all passes. No matter how bad it is now. Takes time, sometimes lots of time, but I've went from thinking all day every day about this girl, to now thinking of her occasionally and with little emotion. It gets better. Until then, hit the gym, hang out with your friends, and bang other girls.

Also, one word of advice - do not do not do not look at her social media.

Post: #17

(03-10-2019 12:38 AM)Scooby6987 Wrote:  Hey guys,

I’ve been posting in the no contact thread...I’ve kept up with no contact, but I’ve found that it’s really difficult for me to approach girls at bars, on the street, etc. earlier tonight I was at a bar and I said to my friend, “I just feel like I have no swagger or mojo after dumping my gf”...it’s been two months since I broke up with my live in girlfriend of over two years and I’m still pretty broken hearted over it despite knowing logically it was for the best...

I know I sound like a bitch, but I’d rather vent on the forums then send a regrettable text. Anyone else found that after a breakup with a girl you were deeply invested in that it takes a bit of time to get back to who you were prior to the relationship? I’ve been banging old plates since the breakup and a couple new girls, so it’s not like I’ve been in a slump. It’s just hard to fully get back out there. Sorry for ranting and as always thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.

My man, you do not know how lucky you are. Sincerely. Do you know how many many men go through utter hell of getting dumped and going months or YEARS before getting ANY ass? Really, imagine that bad feeling you have now, and imagine you are totally isolated and alone, not even the remote chance of getting laid because this relationship has set you back so much physically and psychologically as a man. Or imagine you are in a small town, one that you moved too because of the relationship, and there just simply aren't any options.

I'm not saying that to completely put aside your feelings, they are real, and it hurts. But think about how fortunate you are that can bounce back, where so many other men cannot. In fact, you already are. This thread could easily been one of gratitude of how lucky you are to be in position to recover from this relationship, only requiring a relatively little amount of time and effort.

Good luck re-taking the initiative. I think you'll end up A-OK.

Post: #18

(03-10-2019 12:38 AM)Scooby6987 Wrote:  Hey guys,

I’ve been posting in the no contact thread...I’ve kept up with no contact, but I’ve found that it’s really difficult for me to approach girls at bars, on the street, etc. earlier tonight I was at a bar and I said to my friend, “I just feel like I have no swagger or mojo after dumping my gf”...it’s been two months since I broke up with my live in girlfriend of over two years and I’m still pretty broken hearted over it despite knowing logically it was for the best...

I know I sound like a bitch, but I’d rather vent on the forums then send a regrettable text. Anyone else found that after a breakup with a girl you were deeply invested in that it takes a bit of time to get back to who you were prior to the relationship? I’ve been banging old plates since the breakup and a couple new girls, so it’s not like I’ve been in a slump. It’s just hard to fully get back out there. Sorry for ranting and as always thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.

There's a lot of good wisdom and consolation in this thread.

We are in near identical situations: 2 months out of a long-term relationship, upholding no contact, back out in the field, and feeling a general sense of malaise. We go through the day-to-day motions, try to distract ourselves, maybe dive into a hobby, maybe bang new girls, but as you put it, the mojo isn't there.

In the last similar type of relationship, it took maybe around 5 months or so to get it back.

As far as being a 'bitch', to me you don't seem like one.

A bitch goes down, stays down, and allows himself to become permanently diminished. You should feel a small swell of pride for participating in life (even if limited), taking care of yourself, and taking action while acknowledging the pain of heartbreak. Calling her everyday begging for another chance, coping by drinking/drugging yourself into a stupor, and letting yourself go is what a real bitch does.

As Rat and everyone else has said, the passage of time will erode your current sorrow. Meanwhile, maintaining your good habits will allow you to enjoy one of life's harvests when the time is right.

Post: #19

If you are walking through hell, just keep walking.

Nice advices here. It has been year since my breakup and it was my fault, so instead if blaming some bitch, I had to blame myself. Sometimes I felt really shitty, but when I put away emotions and look on my life rationally, it was pretty awesome. I made myself much better person, travelled like never before, banged a lot of girls and invested all time and money only to myself. It will always hurt when emotions get involved, but when I look at this period once, I will be proud of myself, that I handled this life situation like I did.

So invest in yourself and understand, that bad emotions you will sometimes feel is just the thing you can´t escape. Once your are down, once up. Your next way is up. Hey and summer is comig, a lot of girls in skirts are going to have fun in the streets and the sun will provide you with shining required for having good mood nonstop. I can´t wait for first spring days to hit the streets.

Quote:The key is that the catalyst for breaking you out of the rut is not banging a load of 6s, but scoring one really top chick

I agree and maybe that´s my problem at the moment. But it might take time to score top chick and before it happens, it´s better to bang than not to bang.

Post: #20

You've only broke up 2 months ago and already banging plates and new girls?? Your not gonna get sympathy from me bro, most guys break up and become incel for at least a year.

Post: #21

Didn’t think this would turn into such a good thread. It’s one I’m going to bookmark and go back and read from time to time.

Time heals all and just gotta keep hitting the gym and try to keep talking to girls to get that swagger back. Being single is great in the sense that you can do whatever you want. I’ve been in and out of relationships for a while so it’s definitely nice to focus on myself for a change. I live in a large US city with a big nightlife scene and very expensive women, my ex included. So it’s definitely good to get away from that and put all my energy back into me.

We’re very lucky we have this forum. Most guys out there have no resources at all. Thanks fellas.

Post: #22

(03-11-2019 11:46 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  Also, one word of advice - do not do not do not look at her social media.

If I could give one piece of breakup advice, it’s this. I initially broke this rule at first and saw my ex on Instagram looking really, really hot while out with her friends and dudes at the club and it made my stomach turn...learned my lesson and haven’t looked since. Out of sight out of mind. Cliche as fuck, but it’s the truth.

Post: #23

(03-11-2019 02:53 PM)cruzinV Wrote:  You've only broke up 2 months ago and already banging plates and new girls?? Your not gonna get sympathy from me bro, most guys break up and become incel for at least a year.

Amen. A little sympathy is warranted, but only a little. So many guys never, ever bounce back. Maybe they got fat in the relationship and now they are single, older, fat, living in a subdivision in some crappy town, perusing Match.com and double checking to make sure they in fact have the settings right to look at actual women and not androgynous hambeasts.

Post: #24

(03-11-2019 11:46 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  I went through a bad breakup last year. The relationship with this girl was only around 4 months, but dealing with her, and the aftermath of the breakup, left me with anxiety and in floods of tears for several long months in 2018. I lost the first half of that year. I've never ever in all of my 40 years reacted this way to a girl before, even with my LTR of 7 years. It truly was something that scared the shit out of me. She had a personality disorder and she infected me like a virus.

The good news is, it all passes. No matter how bad it is now. Takes time, sometimes lots of time, but I've went from thinking all day every day about this girl, to now thinking of her occasionally and with little emotion. It gets better. Until then, hit the gym, hang out with your friends, and bang other girls.

Also, one word of advice - do not do not do not look at her social media.

The ones with personality disorders are really, really good at getting inside your head.
I was wrapped up with a BPD girl for about 5-6 months who worked me over the same way, back when I was 27. That was the last girl I ever cried over (just once).

It took a while to forget about her. About 2 years. I was obv dating others but she was still living rent-free in the back of my mind.
This chick was totally nutso. Great in the sack.

Searing experiences with a psychotic woman make you less romantic, more killer, as you go thru life. After my divorce from another emotionally dysregulated woman, I'm now like a cast-iron pan. No way will I ever "fall in love" (whatever that means) with a woman again. It's been burned out of me.

On the positive side, getting scorched makes it easier to keep a woman or two on the side. You just don't care about any of them that much.

Post: #25

(03-15-2019 09:47 AM)Savonarola Wrote:  

(03-11-2019 11:46 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  I went through a bad breakup last year. The relationship with this girl was only around 4 months, but dealing with her, and the aftermath of the breakup, left me with anxiety and in floods of tears for several long months in 2018. I lost the first half of that year. I've never ever in all of my 40 years reacted this way to a girl before, even with my LTR of 7 years. It truly was something that scared the shit out of me. She had a personality disorder and she infected me like a virus.

The good news is, it all passes. No matter how bad it is now. Takes time, sometimes lots of time, but I've went from thinking all day every day about this girl, to now thinking of her occasionally and with little emotion. It gets better. Until then, hit the gym, hang out with your friends, and bang other girls.

Also, one word of advice - do not do not do not look at her social media.

The ones with personality disorders are really, really good at getting inside your head.
I was wrapped up with a BPD girl for about 5-6 months who worked me over the same way, back when I was 27. That was the last girl I ever cried over (just once).

It took a while to forget about her. About 2 years. I was obv dating others but she was still living rent-free in the back of my mind.
This chick was totally nutso. Great in the sack.

Searing experiences with a psychotic woman make you less romantic, more killer, as you go thru life. After my divorce from another emotionally dysregulated woman, I'm now like a cast-iron pan. No way will I ever "fall in love" (whatever that means) with a woman again. It's been burned out of me.

On the positive side, getting scorched makes it easier to keep a woman or two on the side. You just don't care about any of them that much.

Thankfully we can count ourselves as strong men, because while it sucked at the time, it passed, and we were able to move on. I was in an emotional quagmire for 6 months that I was terrified I'd never come out of. There was anxiety, depression, then stomach issues. It all passed. Some guys who get involved with these chicks will not be so lucky. I had to pull myself away from this girl and force myself to stay away even while she begged me to return. Just like your experience, she lived rent free in my head even while I was out banging other chicks. I'm also much more discerning now. Don't get emotionally involved so quickly, and be aware of the red flags.