Another coping with breakup thread

Hello,

Hear me out on this: so I found this EE girl who ticks all my checkboxes: cooks for me, similar personality, getting along really well, family-oriented, no social-media presence, great sex etc.

I did some dumb mistakes in this LTR because of my limited experience and she broke up with me.

How do you guys get over a potential wife material LTR knowing that it's your fault for breaking up? Should I keep contact with her or delete everything?

I'm trying to find a fault in her for 2 months since we broke up but I cannot find anything(basically I need to hate her to get over her). I feel I am slipping into depression and this is damaging my career and health.

By the way, my objective is to find a good girl to marry and not SNLs. Thanks

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(05-19-2019 01:42 PM)dunn Wrote:  Should I keep contact with her or delete everything?

Delete everything. No more contact and this includes looking at her social media.

Some other advice for you:

Hang out with friends as much as you can.

Start hitting the gym hard.

Leave your room as much as possible.

She is replaceable. Never forget that. It takes time to find a suitable replacement, but you'll do it.

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What was your dumb mistake?

Some men like myself do really dumb shit, but also some women use small excuses to break it off with someone they don't really love.

So, what did you do?

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I second the do not look at the social media advice...looking at an ex’s Instagram is the worst thing you can do. No contact = no contact.

It’s tough, and I’ve written on these forums about my own struggles with no contact, but 99.9% of the time no contact is the way to go.

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No contact.

Nothing gets you over a woman, like another woman.

Hit the gym.

Hang with Bros.

You got this.

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Dear OP, having this oneitis due to a 2-months relationship ending, I could say that your fault was losing frame.

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You seem like a genuine and humble person. It’s good you’ve been able to identify where you went wrong - you now have the tools and the emotional fuel (pain) to become a better version of yourself that won’t make the same mistakes.

There are two philosophies to breakups. One is to just pretend it didn’t happen and move on ASAP. This is what women usually do and it’s imo not a great move, dooming you to repeat the past. The other is to see it as a difficult yet rewarding challenge life has given you.

3 best things to get over a meaningful LTR are the following:

1. Feel/process the emotions and loss for a bit. If it was a good LTR the. It’s going to hurt and that’s a good thing. For a few days/weeks watch movies like swingers, high fidelity, eternal sunshine, 500 days etc. write or paint or play music. Be with family and friends. Do things you enjoy. Plan a get away.

2. Work on yourself. Gym (to help with depression and SMV); career + social life (to increase SMV and confidence generally); eventually game, when you’re in a better emotional frame (to help with abundance and replacing her).

3. With some distance, and after some reflection and improvements that will help you with the next girl stop ruminating on the relationship so much. Figure out what it meant to you and where you maybe could have improved - and close the chapter. Do whatever you need to do to make this a reality to you.

Low and no contact are the right way to go; that said no contact is hard and I actually think somewhat counter productive at times. If you have oneitis the person is in reality totally not as good as you remember/perceive them to be. I can vouch for the fact that seeing an unflattering photo of my ex pop up on one of her relatives Facebook pages (that I want to maintain contact with) has only progressed my recovery. I saved that bad boy down and remind myself every day that as she gets older and more bitter I have younger prospects without any baggage waiting for me.

Just remember, she did you a favour - and if she didn’t believe in you enough to stay through the bad times and work it out she isn’t worthy to have your children.

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A breakup initiated by a girl is a gift.
I usually end things. There's a burden that comes with that. But if the girl ends it, I'm free of all responsibility. It's beautiful. No reason to be depressed.

And get rid of your checkboxes. When I was in my 20s, I was like this. You cockblock yourself by having some kind of list in your head of qualities you want and then that idealized person becomes unattainable. Be open to new things, meeting new people that provide something different and unexpected.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77bVJ0krMlI

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Thank you for your support.

More info: this girl broke up with me but she was not so sure about it and I kept in contact with her (I think this was a mistake, but wanted to show that I care). Problem I am having that I cannot get over yet is that I blame myself for the failure of this LTR with good potential for a better future.

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“Rejection breeds obsession.”

I’ve been in your shoes. When you’re attached to a girl and she chooses to end it...that’s tough.

The rejection will make you pedestalize her and forget her flaws.

I agree with many here. Go complete no contact. No social media peeking either.

Give yourself time to heal. I know you probably want her to come crawling back.

Instead of yearning Invest in yourself. Lift, see old friends, explore new hobbies. When you find yourself broken the best thing to do is build.

When you’re ready to game new girls make sure they’re girls you perceive equal to or better than your oneitis. Otherwise her pedestal grows as the uggos and 5’s can never compare.

Best of luck.

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(05-19-2019 03:07 PM)LINUX Wrote:  What was your dumb mistake?

Some men like myself do really dumb shit, but also some women use small excuses to break it off with someone they don't really love.

So, what did you do?

Dunn?

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Stupid things like messing with tinder (and getting caught by her friend), playing the cool aloof uninterested in her guy, not meeting her family(she always looked for advice from her mom)and other games.

So guys, if you meet a nice girl that seems genuine stop trying to 'game' her and be as honest as possible - or i did not know how to game in a ltr

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(05-20-2019 03:46 PM)dunn Wrote:  Stupid things like messing with tinder (and getting caught by her friend), playing the cool aloof uninterested in her guy, not meeting her family(she always looked for advice from her mom)and other games.

So guys, if you meet a nice girl that seems genuine stop trying to 'game' her and be as honest as possible - or i did not know how to game in a ltr

Once you're in a relationship the game transitions from "acquistion" game to "retention" game...but it never ends

Example: Cool-aloof should transition to strong and steady

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(05-19-2019 01:42 PM)dunn Wrote:  Hello,

Hear me out on this: so I found this EE girl who ticks all my checkboxes: cooks for me, similar personality, getting along really well, family-oriented, no social-media presence, great sex etc.

I did some dumb mistakes in this LTR because of my limited experience and she broke up with me.

How do you guys get over a potential wife material LTR knowing that it's your fault for breaking up? Should I keep contact with her or delete everything?

I'm trying to find a fault in her for 2 months since we broke up but I cannot find anything(basically I need to hate her to get over her). I feel I am slipping into depression and this is damaging my career and health.

By the way, my objective is to find a good girl to marry and not SNLs. Thanks

If a woman breaks up with me, I never speak to her again. EVER.

With the sheer number and variety of women out there, don't waste any time wondering why.

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Abundance mentality. Roosh found 4 of these in ten years I think, and he wasn't even specifically looking for them.

All you have to do is keep approaching.

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(05-19-2019 01:42 PM)dunn Wrote:  Hello,

Hear me out on this: so I found this EE girl who ticks all my checkboxes: cooks for me, similar personality, getting along really well, family-oriented, no social-media presence, great sex etc.

I did some dumb mistakes in this LTR because of my limited experience and she broke up with me.

How do you guys get over a potential wife material LTR knowing that it's your fault for breaking up? Should I keep contact with her or delete everything?

I'm trying to find a fault in her for 2 months since we broke up but I cannot find anything(basically I need to hate her to get over her). I feel I am slipping into depression and this is damaging my career and health.

By the way, my objective is to find a good girl to marry and not SNLs. Thanks

I am in an almost similar position and it kills me everyday.

The trick is to realise there are better girls around but to take the first step and get out there and approach them, even if it means walking away embarassed with your ego and dignity bruised. Just keep doing it. Its really hard, I bottle it so many times.

But always stay close to your friends and social circle. No girl can give you the acceptance and valueness of being a friend to others that your friends will give you.

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