Post: #51

(11-19-2018 04:49 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  The fun times usually are really fun with crazy chicks. The wide variance in behavior indicates you're dealing with BPD.

Let's look at this the way professional risk managers do: estimate the probability of a favorable vs. unfavorable outcome and then put a value on each. I guarantee you the negative outcome is higher and the results of a negative outcome are MUCH more severe than the positive outcome is good.

Having been in both dysfunctional and functional I say GTFO now. This shit isn't going go change and it only takes one blowup to go the wrong way for you to find yourself having a date with the Booty Warrior.

Unfortunately I would say the probability of a favourable outcome is small, perhaps 35-40%, however, the value of the outcome would be great, securing a highly attractive girl that is fun, a good cook, housekeeper etc.

The probability of the unfavourable outcome is greater, 65-60%, but the value of the unfavourable outcome is also very high, as I have a lot to lose.

Rationally you would have to walk to away. But then rationally England would have had to seek terms with Nazi Germany in 1940.

This is more of a fundamental decision, is this girl worth taking the risk. I think she may well be, however, this is far from certain. It may be that she ceases her excessively drama prone behaviour due to facing hard resistance now, and the attrition maybe too severe for both parties. It is not hard to understand that. We can not go on fighting the way we have in the past, we are both tired of it. Of course it could also be that she persists in highly negative behaviour in which case the point would come when a definite break would need to occur. It is all sweetness now, but her propensity for unbridled and uncontrolled anger, well, I would be lying if I said it did not concern me.

But yes, you are exactly spot on, the fun times with this girl are really fun, and when she is in the zone, she's entertaining, original, creative and making a real effort.

Post: #52

(11-19-2018 04:20 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  This forum was built on the mounds of ashes of the threads that were started by men about "this one girl".

Just to reiterate: Your lack of real willingness to actually walk away, in a nutshell, is the exact mechanism that caused you to cede any and all power in this dynamic.

I've never had a girl I was involved with scream "shut the fuck up" at me during a conflict. Not once, much less again. Thats already Jerry Springer territory to me. Im with Noir on that as well. I screen differently

OP says that when enough is enough though, he will put his foot down.

When is that?

The day that she decides to pull a knife on you? Your relationship sounds like a fucking Jerry Springer promo reel.

You came here to ask a question about controlling a girl that is WELL out of the territory of realistic control.

You gave this girl an allowance, showered her with gifts and attention all while she has treated you with about as much respect as she treats shit stuck to her shoe.

Hell, you couldn't even get this girl to stop hanging out with a gay dude when you gave her an ultimatum.

Her respect for you is NON-EXISTENT.

You've been given pages of advice on this from respected contributors like PT and Noir, who have been extremely patient and helpful through this dumpster fire of a thread.

I don't mean to gut punch you here... but you've been cherry-picking through the responses here in search of something that supports what you want to do.

We are all telling you to cut ties and move on.

If you want to stay with this massive headache of a woman... you do you. Good luck with the ensuing years of bullshit (and further domestic abuse).

No matter how many times you say that "the positives outweigh the negatives" the only person believing that is yourself.

The one-itis is strong and I really hope that you can remove yourself from this situation to look at it objectively OP.

P.S. do yourself a favor and install some home security cameras for next time she decides she wants to beat your ass. It will be a real headache if some of that Jerry Springer drama leads her to call the cops and it's your word vs hers without any evidence, especially with hitting involved.

Post: #53

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  OP says that when enough is enough though, he will put his foot down.

When is that?

It's like defining obscenity, you know it when you see it. In the same way you would know it is enough when you feel it. I don't feel that way yet.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  The day that she decides to pull a knife on you? Your relationship sounds like a fucking Jerry Springer promo reel.

She did not pull a knife on me, but it's not inconceivable. Obviously that would be a dealbreaker, just as if she ever contacts an ex or writes to another guy again.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  You came here to ask a question about controlling a girl that is WELL out of the territory of realistic control.

And yet she complied with my recent request to put her profile pic public so I can see who likes it. Maybe she isn't. She complied with a large number of other requests. I asked her to block certain people on FB, including the exes she wrote to, she showed me her blocked list, they were on there. She may not be beyond being guided in the right direction, though perhaps full control is impossible.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  You gave this girl an allowance, showered her with gifts and attention all while she has treated you with about as much respect as she treats shit stuck to her shoe.

Her lack of respect is a serious concern, I am not going to lie. However, respect can be built, like trust. I should emphasize that her lack of respect is mostly during times we've been apart, when we live together, usually, not always, her respect level is much higher.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  Hell, you couldn't even get this girl to stop hanging out with a gay dude when you gave her an ultimatum.

She did not meet him, but yes, her lack of full compliance on this request was a disappointment. Yet, as PT rightly pointed out, that infraction was not a serious one, and I may have over escalated this gay friend issue. I will have her end this relationship in the long term, I have no doubt.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  Her respect for you is NON-EXISTENT.

No, that is not the case. Her respect is not non-existent, she does respect my demands on many occasions, just on too many occasions is her disrespect too intense. Let's not over-exaggerate it like they do on Jerry Springer.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  You've been given pages of advice on this from respected contributors like PT and Noir, who have been extremely patient and helpful through this dumpster fire of a thread.

It really has been excellent advice from PT and Noir, which has been of great help to clarify things in my mind.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  If you want to stay with this massive headache of a woman... you do you. Good luck with the ensuing years of bullshit (and further domestic abuse).

I'm not the kind to get domestically abused, she got physical with me, but quickly understood that would not end well for her, I don't get abused physically. She tried to get physical with me, but it was worse for her. I am a considerably bigger person than she is. This happened three times.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  No matter how many times you say that "the positives outweigh the negatives" the only person believing that is yourself.

Well, I'm the only one who knows the full facts. Like I said, when she is in a positive zone, her trying to please is as intense as her negative behaviour. On balance the good did by far outweigh the bad.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  The one-itis is strong and I really hope that you can remove yourself from this situation to look at it objectively OP.

I am trying to do that, and everyone's contributions here have been of great help in this regard.

(11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  P.S. do yourself a favor and install some home security cameras for next time she decides she wants to beat your ass. It will be a real headache if some of that Jerry Springer drama leads her to call the cops and it's your word vs hers without any evidence, especially with hitting involved.

It is a valid point to consider, there were nights after intense arguments when I slept in my bed and she on the couch when I would not have been surprised if she pulled a knife, but this has never ever happened. She threatened once to call the cops but she never has. If anything like that were to happen that would be a good example of 'enough'.

Post: #54

DUDE - You are concerned she could in a rage pull a Phocking Knife on you, Screamed at you and Physically Attacked YOU.

Wake the Phock UP before you are sharing a cell in the State Pen with other victims of Oneitis with crazy BPD bishes who scratched their itches - until the night she tried to scratch those itches with a butcher knife or her dealer Tayrone's Gatt.

In my real dread game world, ANY sign of disrespect from her is a nextable offense.

Losing her shite and screaming and physically attacking you is WAY beyond disrespect.

Your current path can likely lead to your incarceration or your own funeral.

I dated a very feminine sexy blonde nympho 9 florist when I got out of the service - sex was epic but she could not hold her drinks - took her to my best Nuke Boat's Friend's Wedding and my Nympho date hit the open bar while I was attending to my Best Man duties - when we got back to the hotel room she flew into a sudden jealous rage ripping my Tux shirt off with studs flying and then brought the meaty side of her little fist down right smack in the middle of my Eyeball - I saw stars and lightning bolts of searing pain...

I went to knock her head off in reflex self-defense but caught myself while she was still kicking me in the shins so I rolled her up in the bed covers and held her still till she calmed down and that is how she slept - next morning she was sober and went pure Nympho so I enjoyed the wild makeup sex - but backed out on this one and ghosted over the next month after lots of makeup sex because I wanted to take my .357 Magnum and blow her phocking brains out since the pain in my eye was so severe for weeks following - so I cut her the phock loose to protect both me and her from her crazy self and to keep myself out of prison.

So not judging you Jefferson - I made the right choice as good as the Nympho sex was - NO Man strikes me and walks away unscathed (I live in a Constitutional Concealed Carry State and my Enemies know it) so not about to allow same from any woman not to mention one I was thinking about marriage with. She did us both a favor with her outburst likely saved me from a long eventual stretch in prison. Something for you to consider.

Unless you want to become the real deal Jailhouse Lawyer.

Post: #55

I also went out with a crazy chick for the mindblowing sex and good times but after a year she started to get out of control. We had an argument and she stormed off leaving me alone in the middle of Mexico City a long way from her place where we were staying. I stupidly didn't have a phone, map or knowledge of the city really at all (first time I've been there). I didn't even know her address, just the name of the neighbourhood she lived in. However I actually found my way back to the bus I took and got off near to where she lived and then got a taxi back to her home only costing a dollar or two. Some other cunt tried to rip me off for like 25 dollars but I didn't fall for it. It was pretty lucky I have a good sense of direction and didn't end up anywhere crazy.

I said to myself ok fuck this bitch, this is over. However I stupidly made up with her only for her to basically ruin Christmas for me 5 months later by having a tantrum and throwing some of my shit across the room breaking it. I walked over to her calmly and slapped her right in front of her own mother. lol. They then both left the place. At that point I had no other 'game' or ideas left to try and 'control her'. Slapping her was a last resort and that didn't work either.

I broke up with her soon after that and she still wants to get with me again a year later. Anyway the whole time crazy shit like this was happening I rationalised it to myself exactly as you are doing. The difference is you're like twenty years older than me.

I also did similiar shit with my first girlfriend who was also crazy but I had a strong one itis.

I'm now with a non crazy happy girl for the last 10 - 11 months and its fantastic. We never fight. She doesn't get angry or crazy. We've only had one mild problem in that time, once when I raised my voice and talked over her because she kept interrupting me, she got really sad and stopped talking to me and sulked.

You probably need more experience with different girls and you will find not all of them are crazy, you don't have to put up with this shit. You also probably aren't confident in your game as you're unwilling to walk away. I got with this girl 2 days after breaking up with the last one so I have experience and confidence in myself that I will be able to find another girl whatever happens. So I always have a IDGAF attitude, even though I like her a lot, which helps me keep control in the relationship.

Post: #56

Thinking about Easy C's suggestion :

(11-19-2018 04:49 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  Let's look at this the way professional risk managers do: estimate the probability of a favorable vs. unfavorable outcome and then put a value on each. I guarantee you the negative outcome is higher and the results of a negative outcome are MUCH more severe than the positive outcome is good.

Actually the positive outcome, an LTR with a highly attractive twenty something girl that has many good sides as well a few problematic ones, would be more valuable than the negative outcome, losing a bit of cash and a bit of time.

I think that is why I want to make it work, the positive outcome would be very good and very valuable.

Post: #57

(11-19-2018 09:08 PM)Deepdiver Wrote:  DUDE - You are concerned she could in a rage pull a Phocking Knife on you, Screamed at you and Physically Attacked YOU.

Okay, this is not a meth-head who wants to knife me and physically abuse me. Let me explain. They were very, very silly instances. Like once we were sparring in total jest, they way you do sometimes, you know play Bruce Lee things, and I accidentally slapt her a little too hard on the face. She immediately got into an anger range and started attacking me with full force, because she thought I'd done it intentionally. After I explained it was just an accident, she calmed down.

Then another instance was when a department store was really busy and she walked on ahead of me. I told her very firmly that I don't like her walking 20 metres in front of me. So she then proceeds to walk 30 metres in front of me, because she's then doubly pissed that I told her off on top of having taken her to a very busy store. So as I turned the key to the apartment she says 'hurry the fuck up I have to use the toilet'. Just something about the tone really annoyed me, so I said 'You know what, I'd like to go for a walk around the block'. Only I had the key. Walked around the block a bit, just to piss her off because of the way she talked to me and behaved earlier. So she then wanted to grab my artisan bread I'd bought in Picaddilly, because she knew I liked it, and to throw it away. So we ended up wrestling in the street about this bread.

So as you can see, really silly stuff. Her having anger triggers, and me acting in a way that was reckless. It's not a case of her being a meth-head thug.

Post: #58

Dude...you both behave like immature co-dependent trailer trash.

Post: #59

(11-20-2018 12:04 AM)RedPillUK Wrote:  I also went out with a crazy chick for the mindblowing sex and good times but after a year she started to get out of control. We had an argument and she stormed off leaving me alone in the middle of Mexico City a long way from her place where we were staying. I stupidly didn't have a phone, map or knowledge of the city really at all (first time I've been there). I didn't even know her address, just the name of the neighbourhood she lived in. However I actually found my way back to the bus I took and got off near to where she lived and then got a taxi back to her home only costing a dollar or two. Some other cunt tried to rip me off for like 25 dollars but I didn't fall for it. It was pretty lucky I have a good sense of direction and didn't end up anywhere crazy.

I said to myself ok fuck this bitch, this is over. However I stupidly made up with her only for her to basically ruin Christmas for me 5 months later by having a tantrum and throwing some of my shit across the room breaking it. I walked over to her calmly and slapped her right in front of her own mother. lol. They then both left the place. At that point I had no other 'game' or ideas left to try and 'control her'. Slapping her was a last resort and that didn't work either.

I broke up with her soon after that and she still wants to get with me again a year later. Anyway the whole time crazy shit like this was happening I rationalised it to myself exactly as you are doing. The difference is you're like twenty years older than me.

I also did similiar shit with my first girlfriend who was also crazy but I had a strong one itis.

I'm now with a non crazy happy girl for the last 10 - 11 months and its fantastic. We never fight. She doesn't get angry or crazy. We've only had one mild problem in that time, once when I raised my voice and talked over her because she kept interrupting me, she got really sad and stopped talking to me and sulked.

You probably need more experience with different girls and you will find not all of them are crazy, you don't have to put up with this shit. You also probably aren't confident in your game as you're unwilling to walk away. I got with this girl 2 days after breaking up with the last one so I have experience and confidence in myself that I will be able to find another girl whatever happens. So I always have a IDGAF attitude, even though I like her a lot, which helps me keep control in the relationship.

Yes, mine actually also ruined Christmas 2016. We were in London and I can't even remember the reason, she just went to bed really early. I made her get up to have the duck and roast potatoes I cooked but she was still mad about something, don't even know what it was. Then ruined New Year's as well. I had big plans, watch the fireworks then go to a club. Turned out she got a message from her older sister saying what are you doing with this guy, he has two children, why don't you look for someone else? She defended me against her own sister, they had an argument. But she didn't tell me this at the time. Just refused to speak to me all night and was upset and sulky. So then I of course responded being pissed as well.

These arguments are not a lot of fun, but the good times far outweigh these bad ones in number.

I am well aware that some girls are much lower maintenance. I could be with a girl that is very even tempered. I just find her a bit boring. This other girl is anything but boring.

I know I can easily find another girl. But I put up with this because I really like this particular girl, because of the good things she does to me, for me etc. Yes, she's hard work sometimes, but a lot more fun than other girls.

Post: #60

(11-20-2018 11:40 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Dude...you both behave like immature co-dependent trailer trash.

No but we're not really like that...

We only fight over bread in the street like seagulls...

Pros outweigh the cons my man. She's a perfect 10 on the inside, just needs some control.

Post: #61

(11-20-2018 11:40 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Dude...you both behave like immature co-dependent trailer trash.

I have to admit, I have on occasion acted in ways that were conducive to triggering her anger avalanches. I can be a bit reckless, I don't tread on egg shells for anyone.

Perhaps we are both a bit immature in terms of the way we act. Both of us, it's true.

Post: #62

(11-20-2018 11:53 AM)Jefferson Wrote:  [quote='PapayaTapper' pid='1890037' dateline='1542732032']
Dude...you both behave like immature co-dependent trailer trash.



I have to admit, I have on occasion acted in ways that were conducive to triggering her anger avalanches. I can be a bit reckless, I don't tread on egg shells for anyone.

Perhaps we are both a bit immature in terms of the way we act. Both of us, it's true.

This whole train wreck is your responsibility.

For future reference:- Women are liquid to your vessel.

You want a woman to be loyal, calm, sweet, feminine, loving, etc? Then dont be emotional, reactive, insecure, etc. In other words a child or a woman

BTW. Is she coming on a K-1 or CR-1 visa? (Feel free to PM your response if you like)

Post: #63

I take full responsibility for my share of this state of affairs.

That is why I wanted to do my best to change things, rectify things, make it better.

I know I did pretty much everything wrong with her, I basically trained her to break up with me to get what she wants. Then, when I saw her first testing the boundaries, say by using swear words I initially handled it well, but then let it slide too much.

She's a seasoned player, using game herself, I sometimes think she reads the Roosh forum.

Yes, I know NOW, I can't be reactive, emotional, insecure, I did not know this when I first met her. I never had a woman like this. Most of my women have been compliant, submissive even, it was easy. Not with this one, she seems like a man sometimes in her behaviour. She is fantastically strong-willed, says no as a matter of principle, even if she will do it she'll first say 'no'. Very street smart, clever and after twenty years of being a lawyer I never met a better negotiator.

And btw, it's easy to say 'don't be insecure'. I understand the logic. But in real life, when you're apart I do feel insecure sometimes, especially because I know she wrote to her exes before and she must get hit up constantly by guys, she's a bit of a liar and always out for her advantage. When we're together it's a little different, because I can see what she's doing mostly. But even then I feel I should be installing software to monitor her iphone because she's shown in the past that she'd write to her exes in my apartment when I'm not there. All the while I was trying to show her a great time, taking her to beautiful beaches and we had a fantastic time being together all day. Then I picked up her phone and saw for weeks she was writing to her ex. Nothing flirty, just saying her father died, and how his (the ex's) reply meant a lot to her (he said he was in India and about to light a candle, the hypocritical cunt). She may not fully trust me, but I don't fully trust her either.

I pm'ed you.

Post: #64

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I take full responsibility for my share of this state of affairs.

That is why I wanted to do my best to change things, rectify things, make it better.

I know I did pretty much everything wrong with her, I basically trained her to break up with me to get what she wants. Then, when I saw her first testing the boundaries, say by using swear words I initially handled it well, but then let it slide too much.

This isn't gonna change. You've already shown to her she can break up with you and you'll come crawling back every time.

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  She's a seasoned player, using game herself, I sometimes think she reads the Roosh forum.

Yes, I know NOW, I can't be reactive, emotional, insecure, I did not know this when I first met her. I never had a woman like this. Most of my women have been compliant, submissive even, it was easy. Not with this one, she seems like a man sometimes in her behaviour. She is fantastically strong-willed, says no as a matter of principle, even if she will do it she'll first say 'no'. Very street smart, clever and after twenty years of being a lawyer I never met a better negotiator.

Dude, your perceived pros of this girl are cons as well.

You really want a strong willed woman who derives pleasure from saying no and arguing? She probably has enough testosterone to rival some males.

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  And btw, it's easy to say 'don't be insecure'. I understand the logic. But in real life, when you're apart I do feel insecure sometimes, especially because I know she wrote to her exes before and she must get hit up constantly by guys, she's a bit of a liar and always out for her advantage. When we're together it's a little different, because I can see what she's doing mostly. But even then I feel I should be installing software to monitor her iphone because she's shown in the past that she'd write to her exes in my apartment when I'm not there. All the while I was trying to show her a great time, taking her to beautiful beaches and we had a fantastic time being together all day. Then I picked up her phone and saw for weeks she was writing to her ex. Nothing flirty, just saying her father died, and how his (the ex's) reply meant a lot to her (he said he was in India and about to light a candle, the hypocritical cunt). She may not fully trust me, but I don't fully trust her either.

I pm'ed you.

And to cap it all off, you can't trust her. No amount of monitoring will change ANYTHING. The only thing all the control accomplishes is that you get to be the first to find out when she decides to cheat on you next time.

I really don't understand why you can't see the forest through the trees here.

Post: #65

Jeff to me it sounds like you started with garbage and you mixed in some trash. Best to just start with better material and use good ingredients than to try to salvage a landfill medley

Post: #66

(11-20-2018 02:24 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  This isn't gonna change. You've already shown to her she can break up with you and you'll come crawling back every time.

TGG, I did that at the beginning, but as I understood the dynamic I stopped doing that, it's the other way around now. She'll break up and then come crawling back to me. It was mostly when we were apart that she would break up quickly over ld, because she'd get annoyed over something.

When we lived together it was always me who broke up with her. The first time I let her lure me back, we made up. The second time, when I saw she wrote to her ex in my house I was so mad I broke up on the spot. A few days later I brought her a return ticket and asked her to leave. I was done. She then threw herself literally on her knees and started kissing my feet, crying, and begged me to let her stay so she could find a job. Of course being the sly operator she was it was all about biding her time and getting me into bed. So again we made up.

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  Dude, your perceived pros of this girl are cons as well.

I'm not saying they're pros, of course they're massive fucking cons. It is the way she is.

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  You really want a strong willed woman who derives pleasure from saying no and arguing? She probably has enough testosterone to rival some males.

Of course I don't, but you see when you THEN get a girl like this to be compliant, sweet and not arguing, to do a lot of things for you, the way I have, it feels extremely sweet, a real accomplishment. You really appreciate it then. And yes, I also think her testoserone is most likely too high.

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  And to cap it all off, you can't trust her. No amount of monitoring will change ANYTHING. The only thing all the control accomplishes is that you get to be the first to find out when she decides to cheat on you next time.

Well, relatively speaking, not always. There have been theses instances of her writing to her exes. She told me she had two boyfriends, and then came clean saying it was six. Of course on many other occasions she showed she was trustworthy, but yes I can't fully trust her for now.

(11-20-2018 02:07 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  I really don't understand why you can't see the forest through the trees here.

If only I were looking at a forest it would be a lot easier. I'm looking at complicated human being with HPD, anger issues, who is sweet as chocolate and harsh as acid in turns.

Post: #67

(11-20-2018 02:36 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  Jeff to me it sounds like you started with garbage and you mixed in some trash. Best to just start with better material and use good ingredients than to try to salvage a landfill medley

Look, when I tell you the mistakes she's made you are defining her by those mistakes. She is a liar, a cheater, etc. But people are not defined by their mistakes in every case. If someone is now telling you they no longer lie to you, they apologise, and you can verify from their behaviour that they are telling you the truth then this is different.

Let he who has never lied cast the first the stone. I don't think people are defined by their mistakes in every case, and if they are willing to play a clean hand then I am inclined to give a second chance. Of course if I ever see she'd write to an ex again, or cheats, or anything like this then it would be automatic end of.

And just because I tell you the mistakes, does not mean that she has not hit the right notes on many, many occasions. If the juice was not very good I would not sit at this bar.

Post: #68

At the end of my 6 year tour in the Nuke Boats service in New London CT my main was a School Teacher - looked and built like a 23 year old Gina Lollobrigida in New London who finished her Masters degree at Conn College nights - got off her extra bartending job and would climb up the back stairs into my open window at 2am for a quickie BJ and bang before I had to get up at 6 AM for another Shower Bang and we both drive off for work at our day jobs, me at the Sub Base her at her School.

When my 6 year tour of duty was up I took my honorable discharge and experience and got a good steady job with a Fortune 100 Tech in SoNH/Metro Boston.

So my first Christmas as a civilian I asked her to visit my Mother for Christmas in Oxford CT at the time as it was a big deal holiday and my Mom always went all out. Out of the Blue the Teacher in her cute but crazy Italian superstitious way said she would not visit my Mom with me as I was a Cancer and she as an Aires would always be in competition with my Mother for my attention??? WTF I actually attended Christmas that year by myself pissed as hell when my younger uncle also a Navy Veteran told me think about it this way what if you had an important Corporate event that wives were invited to attend because you were being groomed and evaluated as a husband-wife team to represent the Company - and she decided not to Go and makes you look like a Beta nobody in front of your Boss and Corporate Married Peers... Seriously sidetracking your career.

The result was she was nexted hard and I enjoyed flying around on the Corp Bell Jet Rangers to various meetings and trips and banged my way through plenty of aggressive corporate poon that actually chased after me. Also dated my fair share of hot young local talent looking to lock down Corporate men with good jobs and prospects.

Point is if she disrespects your important wishes and desires then she may be good for an FWB bang buddy but not for a long-term lockdown commitment.

Post: #69

You're right of course.

The thing is she does respect my wishes again and again. I make a lot of demands on her.

Like now for example, she never walks ahead of me anymore. She's understood it would cause a big issue.

She just has bona fide anger issues. She can not control it. If she gets annoyed, or angry, she lets it all out. The intensity of her anger, like I say can take two whole days, longer even. But when that passes you've never seen a more lightehearted, joking, laughing jolly person, she'll dance in a supermarket. Literally.

Post: #70

Does she come from a broken family? She sounds extremely scared of abandonment. It’s probably the reason why she’s so toxic.

I love this story. It’s going to end badly for everybody involved but a good time will have been had.

I was in a strikingly similar situation a few years ago, with a crazy, toxic girl. I was 45 and she was 20. However, unlike you, I didn’t make the folly of divorcing my happy wife for her, even though I briefly considered it. Best decision of my life.

Post: #71

(11-20-2018 02:54 PM)Deepdiver Wrote:  At the end of my 6 year tour in the Nuke Boats service in New London CT my main was a School Teacher - looked and built like a 23 year old Gina Lollobrigida in New London who finished her Masters degree at Conn College nights - got off her extra bartending job and would climb up the back stairs into my open window at 2am for a quickie BJ and bang before I had to get up at 6 AM for another Shower Bang and we both drive off for work at our day jobs, me at the Sub Base her at her School.

When my 6 year tour of duty was up I took my honorable discharge and experience and got a good steady job with a Fortune 100 Tech in SoNH/Metro Boston.

So my first Christmas as a civilian I asked her to visit my Mother for Christmas in Oxford CT at the time as it was a big deal holiday and my Mom always went all out. Out of the Blue the Teacher in her cute but crazy Italian superstitious way said she would not visit my Mom with me as I was a Cancer and she as an Aires would always be in competition with my Mother for my attention??? WTF I actually attended Christmas that year by myself pissed as hell when my younger uncle also a Navy Veteran told me think about it this way what if you had an important Corporate event that wives were invited to attend because you were being groomed and evaluated as a husband-wife team to represent the Company - and she decided not to Go and makes you look like a Beta nobody in front of your Boss and Corporate Married Peers... Seriously sidetracking your career.

The result was she was nexted hard and I enjoyed flying around on the Corp Bell Jet Rangers to various meetings and trips and banged my way through plenty of aggressive corporate poon that actually chased after me. Also dated my fair share of hot young local talent looking to lock down Corporate men with good jobs and prospects.

Point is if she disrespects your important wishes and desires then she may be good for an FWB bang buddy but not for a long-term lockdown commitment.

Always enjoy reading your posts Deepdiver.

OP, like Deepdiver said it is a matter of being a man of principle and staying strong in your demands.

When you put your foot down it has to be for real.

This isn't a game that is restarted daily, she remembers the mistakes you made in the past and she has modeled her behavior to take advantage of your forgiving nature.

She knows that she can do what she wants; cause a bunch of drama and then when you guys make up everything is fine again.

The only way to stop that from happening is to strip yourself of this one-itis, stop giving her all these excuses and take control of the dynamic.

Post: #72

(11-20-2018 03:45 PM)Montrose Wrote:  Does she come from a broken family? She sounds extremely scared of abandonment. It’s probably the reason why she’s so toxic.

I love this story. It’s going to end badly for everybody involved but a good time will have been had.

I was in a strikingly similar situation a few years ago, with a crazy, toxic girl. I was 45 and she was 20. However, unlike you, I didn’t make the folly of divorcing my happy wife for her, even though I briefly considered it. Best decision of my life.

Her parents were together for over 40 years, eight children. They never divorced, the father briefly had an affair but always stayed with the wife. However she had a very strange relationship with her father. She did not seem very close to her father, she often talked in ways that implied she did not respect her father very much. Apparently the father was a farmer, whilst he did well when the children were young when they got older he'd lost his land and it was the mother which earned a living. The father would do odd taxi jobs to bring in a bit of money. He would often demand his daughters or wife buy him things. Like a motorbike. My girl actually bought her father a motorbike because he made such a big fuss about wanting one. He could be a difficult man, I was told he once threw a machete at my girl when he was drunk and very angry. In any event because he contributed little to the family's livelihood for much of their later years my girl seemed not to respect her father very much and did not have a very close relationship with her father.

My theory: The weak position of the father in the family led to the daughter not being disciplined, having a weak male role model. Everything was dominated by the mother, who was very permissive apparently. My girl ran away from home for a few days when she was younger after an argument.

Having said that when her father died recently whilst she was with me she was inconsolable, and she obviously loved her father.

The family is socially middle class now, with the mother heavily involved in church work and a serious believer. So the background is traditional as can be.

However, the family grew up in relative poverty originally. Things changed radically when the older sister became a singer in Japan. She married in Japan and proceeded to buy her family a house. I know that my girl always looked up to her older sister, who was able to help her family so much. Her older sister actually offered to send my girl to further education, however, she'd taken a job in a holiday area where she liked it a lot and stayed there for four years. It was there that she fell in a with a bad crowd. Her boss was a female adulterer, who tried to pawn her off on guys. It was there that she first met a horrific looking, 6ft 7 Amish style American who took her virginity.

I get the feeling that all her life she was looking for that man to marry who would help her to provide financial security, not just for her but also for her family. One of her exes actually paid for the business the mother now operates, a store.

I suspect the reason for her uncontrolled anger issue is merely an issue with chemistry in the brain. I saw she once liked FB pages about depression, from her behaviour I think she suffered from bouts of depression on ocassion. I know she has anxiety issues, she'd sometimes tell me she thought someone was watching her from window and she couldn't sleep, she said she had sleep paralysis once. The thing is when I live with her none of these things seem to manifest themselves. So I wonder if it's just attention seeking. But then my girl freely admits her previous relationships failed 'because I am so difficult'. I actually feel sorry for her, she knows it is her issue but she can not help herself. She is how she is.

So I actually DO think you have a point. She DOES fear abandonment. But not because of her father. Because all the men in her life have previously abandoned her because of her very difficult behaviour. The two guys who were most serious about her, she saw at the same time. One ended it because he thought she was cheating on him, the other because she was very difficult.

Post: #73

(11-20-2018 03:45 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  OP, like Deepdiver said it is a matter of being a man of principle and staying strong in your demands.

When you put your foot down it has to be for real.

This isn't a game that is restarted daily, she remembers the mistakes you made in the past and she has modeled her behavior to take advantage of your forgiving nature.

She knows that she can do what she wants; cause a bunch of drama and then when you guys make up everything is fine again.

The only way to stop that from happening is to strip yourself of this one-itis, stop giving her all these excuses and take control of the dynamic.

It's not just about staying strong in your demands. It's also about making the right demands. Then you can stay strong. I actually made the wrong demands a few times, like asking her to delete her gay friend. If I had stayed strong in that demand I would have cut off my nose to spite my face.

If you make the right demands you can stay strong. Not if you make the wrong ones.

Yes, unfortunately she knows I am crazy about her. She has very much understood this. She counts on it, and therefore acts the way she wants, demands what she wants. I have now understood this dynamic. I no longer make extravagant declarations of love. I no longer give in to all demands. I ended it recently when she made an outrageous demand and on top refused a phone call from me. When she realised I was serious she called me up 25 times on different apps and apologised.

But absolutely yes, I have in the past made unfortunate statements in anger like 'this is the last time you've refused a phone call from me'. Then of course we made up, and sure enough she'd again refuse a phone call, because she knows she got away with it before. She even teases me on this, says 'talk the walk', implying I talk the talk but don't walk the walk. In the past there was some truth to this. But I have now resolved to be congruent with my statements. I can no longer afford to make brash statements or demands which I then give up on.

Post: #74

(11-20-2018 12:47 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Women are liquid to your vessel.

So in a sense, women penetrate men, kind of. But men can control the shape of what is penetrated.

Post: #75

(11-21-2018 06:55 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  

(11-20-2018 12:47 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Women are liquid to your vessel.

So in a sense, women penetrate men, kind of. But men can control the shape of what is penetrated.