Post: #176

My condolences, such a sad loss.

Post: #177

That is terrible news Roosh. I know what it’s like to lose a close family member.

I wish you strength and patience during this time.

Post: #178

Stay strong Roosh and keep fighting the good fight.

Post: #179

My thoughts are wish you Roosh.

Post: #180

Sorry to hear Roosh, wishing well of you and your family in this time of loss.

Post: #181

(04-01-2018 01:17 PM)Roosh Wrote:  The past three years have been rough. The Canadian lectures, my sister's cancer diagnosis, the meetup outrage, girlfriend breakup, online de-platforming, and now my sister's death. Life is beating me down.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Hang in there Roosh.

We got your back. If you need us, we'll be there.

Post: #182

We're here for you, Roosh.

Post: #183

My condolences and deepest sympathies, Roosh.

Post: #184

RIP, sorry for your loss

Post: #185

So sorry for your loss Roosh. My condolences.

Post: #186

This is a very sad news. My condolences to you and your family.

Post: #187

Sorry to hear, Roosh. My sympathies to you and to your family.

Post: #188

A few days ago, a close friend told me he's diagnosed with cancer. He's extremely introverted and he informed only three other trusted persons.

I remember that article on Roosh's blog written late 2016. http://www.rooshv.com/what-to-do-if-some...ith-cancer

Hadn't I read this post before, I might have given my friend useless advices and told him to "just be strong" or other platitudes. Especially because he locks himself at home now, barely replies my calls. For most people it's easy to wish all the best and move on.

Roosh, if you read this, I express my sincere thanks for this invaluable post. I will consider your advices on how to deal with such a situation and do my best to help out my friend.

Post: #189

Sorry for your loss.

Post: #190

One of my favorite movies is Saving Private Ryan. At the end of the movie when the Americans are waiting for the Germans to arrive for battle, Matt Damon's character tells Tom Hank's character that he can't picture his 3 brothers faces, whom Matt Damon learned recently in the movie had all been killed in combat during the war (World War Two).

Hanks tells Matt Damon that the key to getting an image in your head of a person who has died is not to just think about that persons face, but to think of a specific memory that you had with that person to give it context. When you think of the specific memory, the image of that person will come to your mind much easier then just trying to think of a persons face without context.

Matt Damon thinks of a specific memory of the last time his three brothers and himself were together before they shipped out for basic training. After Damon tells Hanks about his memory, Damon asks Hanks to tell him about Hank's memory of his wife trimming the rose bushes.

Tom Hanks bluntly replies "No, that one (memory) I save just for me."





I had some free time this afternoon and was stumbling around the forum and YouTube, when I came across this gem from 2008.

You let the audience get a peak behind the curtain, enough to be able to feel the bond between you and her but not enough to see her facial reactions.

Like Tom Hank's wife trimming the rose bushes, that one you can save just for you.

Post: #191

I'm sorry brother

Post: #192

Roosh, I didn't express my condolences before, wrapped up as I was with my father's failing health.
I can empathise with the immense sadness you must be feeling in these last weeks as I too am experiencing it now since my father died last week.
I wrote a bit more about my father in the Ireland Politics thread yesterday.
I have one sister and I know I would be devastated if anything happened to her.
Stay the course Roosh and allow yourself to grieve.
Thanks for all you have done to inspire myself and others like me to become better.

Post: #193

It has been one year. I posted the eulogy:

https://www.rooshv.com/eulogy

Post: #194

(03-25-2019 09:38 AM)Roosh Wrote:  It has been one year. I posted the eulogy:

https://www.rooshv.com/eulogy

Powerful read Roosh and I'm sorry to hear she suffered so badly. My best friend, who was as a brother to me, succumbed to pancreatic cancer and I was there for his final breath. The only thing harder than watching him die was watching his mother watch him die. I got a glimpse of seeing what its like to be a helpless family member watching a member of their own blood die before their time. His mother's wailing is locked in my brain for all eternity.

Post: #195

I was crying reading that. Heartbreaking. I haven't cried in two years.

Quote:I wish they told us. I wish the doctors said she was dying. At least we would have spent the energy of her last days and months in a different way than fighting a futile battle to keep her alive at such a high physical and emotional cost, of repeatedly having hope after hope crushed as the cancer spread on its own schedule, regardless of what we threw at it. The doctors orchestrated a great charade that only added to her suffering.

That made me feel really angry at the doctors. Although it's possible they didn't know it would be terminal until the final CT scan. I really dislike dishonesty like that.

I don't mean to be political but knowing that liberals care so little about human life I sort of realise the sort of world we live in and view it with horror and contempt.

I can't in any meaningful way say it wasn't horrible or fucked up but it was at least beautiful the connection you had with her. Many don't have it, and it's something to remember and cherish.

It's fascinating how despite how horrific this is, the sort of experience of people you care about dying regularly must've been standard throughout history, since the world was often much harder and dangerous than it is now. I firmly believe us modern people just have brains that are ill-equipped to deal with realities like this that our ancestors dealt with all the time.

Post: #196

Quote:Although it's possible they didn't know it would be terminal until the final CT scan. I really dislike dishonesty like that.

They knew. Even the nurses knew. I talked to two of them after she died and they told me when they knew she would die, which was way before we knew. Her radiation doctor gave end-of-life care without telling us it was end-of-life care. I only knew because I happened to see the word "palliative".

I found a book which talked about the "deathphobic" approach of modern medicine. It's called Die Wise. I'll share a review on my blog soon. You can see more about it here: /thread-67946.html

Post: #197

Roosh, my condolences to you and your family. I deal with this stuff all the time and your perspective and experience will no doubt influence in me in how I handle these situations.

Post: #198

(03-25-2019 01:07 PM)Roosh Wrote:  

Quote:Although it's possible they didn't know it would be terminal until the final CT scan. I really dislike dishonesty like that.

They knew. Even the nurses knew. I talked to two of them after she died and they told me when they knew she would die, which was way before we knew. Her radiation doctor gave end-of-life care without telling us it was end-of-life care. I only knew because I happened to see the word "palliative".

I found a book which talked about the "deathphobic" approach of modern medicine. It's called Die Wise. I'll share a review on my blog soon. You can see more about it here: /thread-67946.html

Thank you for sharing, Roosh. It's a gift to your sister/family that you were able to write and share such a caring and heartfelt eulogy.

I've lost someone close to me in a similar way, though it was measured in weeks not months or years. It was brutal for those who knew that person and the saving grace is that hopefully this meant it was not as much suffering for that person.

Those who helped us at the medical facilities did not pretend as much and I am thankful for that, yet still I wish they'd let us know more. I am grateful I spent as much time as I did with the person I lost and that they were surrounded by family.

Post: #199

Roosh, I found the eulogy very touching as well, and I choked up reading it. I appreciate your sharing it. Like one of the posters above, I received a great deal of value from your earlier blog post about how to care for and support someone with cancer.

I appreciate the difficulty you and your family had with her sudden and rapid deterioration at the end. I can understand feeling that the doctors sugar coated things. However, I can see the other side of the issue from the doctor's and nurse's points of view.

My wife was undergoing chemo at the time your sister passed. She completed her chemo and is in remission now, but at the time, her case was very severe. The doctors did not expect her to make it when she was first diagnosed and they were able to see how badly the cancer had spread. However, they tried as hard as they could, and didn't really say how poor they thought the prognosis was. I knew there was a significant risk that she might die soon, but I will say that the doctors and nurses presented an optimistic point of view.

The thing is, in my wife's case, the optimistic point of view turned out to be true. Since then she has had some complications, and I have seen this bias towards putting an optimistic face on things. I also saw it with my sister in law, who had the same cancer and died two months ago. I agree that there is a general pattern of doctors and nurses withholding the full probability of things going badly.

However, I think this is understandable and forgivable on their part. Frankly, I couldn't work in an environment like that. I've seen how doctors and nurses and hospice workers care for the sick and dying, and it would be too much for me to see all that suffering. I can relate to your story of having to drink to cope with her final hours and days. When I was seeing my wife suffer, I had to be extremely stoic about it, like putting myself in some kind of emotionless trance. If I saw dozens of cases like this every day, and I knew the patients from initial diagnosis to death, again and again, year after year, I couldn't do it.

I truly appreciate the effort they make in fighting cancer. There are huge advances taking place in cancer treatment right now. My wife is using a treatment that has only existed since 2014, that will likely add at least a year or two to her life, and possibly much longer. I see articles in the regular news about breakthroughs in cancer treatments every week or two, with some extremely positive results. It's an incredibly tough job, and I can understand how they have to find a way to cope. Overall, I felt the doctors and nurses we worked with were very caring and supportive.

I think it is human nature for the doctors and nurses to always take the attitude that "we are going to fight this thing", and to present that attitude to the patient and their family. Often, they know the prognosis is poor, but I feel they really have an obligation to maintain that positive effort to always keep trying. It's human nature for them to avoid telling people the worst case scenario. They need to avoid being outright deceptive, but I think it's understandable that they put the best spin on things, even to a fault. In my wife's case, the best spin actually turned out to be accurate. She still faces a high risk of recurrence, so she's not out of the woods yet. However, if they hadn't fought so hard at first, she would have already been gone for about a year.

Cancer is one of the worst things there is. It's a brutal experience for everyone involved, whether you or your loved one is cured or they die. There're bound to be things that you look back on and say it should have been done differently. There are things like that in my wife's case. Still, overall I think these shortcomings can be accepted in comparison to the service cancer doctors and nurses provide for us and our loved ones.

Roosh, I hope you and your family find peace as time passes.

Post: #200

The harsh reality is we all die alone. You could be 90 years old surrounded by three generations of descendants and a loving wife... but at the end you still die alone. I think with modern technology and lifestyle modern humans block that reality out of their minds, while most not realizing why, because its such a terrible truth. That's why we hide them away in nursing homes and hospice care rooms.

This thread bump has put me in a depressed mood all day. Roosh is extremely critical of modern American women, and for good reason, but he lost that good one who brought value into his life.