Post: #26

My intuition is that she's likely using the girl version of some "dread" game. She's both testing your commitment to her and forcing a cross roads. She's 26. As Leonard stated: You've been "renting" for a couple years and she wants (needs) to know if youre going to exercise your option to "buy". That's understandable and reasonable IMO

The question is: What do you want to do?

A. If you aren't looking to wife her up then just let her ghost and be grateful for the time you had together and that it ended without major drama. Don't let your ego get you hung up with your "need to know" what happened and just wish her well. (I know this is easier said than done)

B. If you actually want to make it a more standard LTR (which it sounds like you were considering) then I'd shoot her a "Let's meet and talk" text. If she was testing as I surmise then you will likely get a prompt and enthusiastic response. If she's actually grasped the next branch then see plan A.


Epilogue. In the future never acquiesce to a mutually "open" relationship. That's just a bad idea on a number of levels. (This isn't about being fair as sport fucking is different for men and women and has far more detrimental consequences for women...but that's another topic). If it looks like youre going to be banging on the regular then drop "I don't sleep with girls that sleep around with other guys" rule early on and establish that frame. Make it a statement, not a negotiation. In my experience they usually don't ask what your going to do or not do. Your own personal code of conduct will dictate what you do (or not).

Post: #27

(12-05-2017 06:32 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  A. If you aren't looking to wife her up then just let her ghost and be grateful for the time you had together and that it ended without major drama. Don't let your ego get you hung up with your "need to know" what happened and just wish her well. (I know this is easier said than done)

B. If you actually want to make it a more standard LTR (which it sounds like you were considering) then I'd shoot her a "Let's meet and talk" text. If she was testing as I surmise then you will likely get a prompt and enthusiastic response. If she's actually grasped the next branch then see plan A.

Gold advice right there.

2 years isn't a LTR you "next and fuck other girls" so easily with. Worth a text.

Its 50/50 if she has another dude or is testing for commitment. I lean towards a test because of her age and her dislike of the OP starting off insisting on an open relationship.

Post: #28

Just found out that there are serious health issues (stroke) in my family back home. Everyone is pulling together and for the time being I will stay here until things become clearer.

Just makes me think - cheating on me/ nexting me / testing me* (*my gut feeling) - how utterly childish she is being.

My thoughts are.. as its a test, wait her out.

The only thing is I don't want to be being equally childish right now.

Thoughts welcome.

Post: #29

Don't spend more than a few seconds a day in your own head. Obsessing over stuff like this is counter-productive. You will inevitably create more evidence out of thin air than anything else. Most of the time we spend in our own heads is simply us creating a plethora of avenues and possibilities even though the vast, vast majority of them are completely irrelevant.

This is really bloody simple.

Are you willing to propose to this chick in the next 3 months or not. If 'not' then politely part ways with her.

I'm guessing that's 90% of the entire equation dealt with. Let's move on to the other 10%.

You want to marry her but you're not sure she's still faithful, or you think she might have already become too bitter about being strung along.

Be a man, arrange a sit-down with her and tell her you're still honouring her. Ask her flat out if she's still honouring you. Don't wait for an answer you want to hear. Scrutinise her every utterance and facial twitch. If she passes the lie-detector test you're still going to do some checking up later. Tell her you're committed to the relationship but "she just needs to be patient and trust you".

If she accepts that then you have maybe another 3 months to go through her social life with a fine tooth comb looking for dirt, as well as making ruthlessly honest observations about whether she's already become too bitter or failing the various marriage-material standards you've set.

By the time that 3 moths is up you propose or fucking bail.

Here's what you CAN'T do (or rather what won't get you what you want). You CAN'T just complain that this chick is a bitch for fucking with your cosy little arrangement, and look for some magic button you can press that will make everything go back to the way it was a few months ago.

Bottom line is this. She's flipped the countdown timer on the end of your relationship in it's current state. In 3 months time (tops) your old life goes boom.

Your options are to move strongly toward marriage, bail out, or wait for her to end things on her own miserable, bitter terms.

Everything else is just static.

Post: #30

This is all good advice.

Thank you gentlemen.

Post: #31

(12-05-2017 09:02 PM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  Just makes me think - cheating on me/ nexting me / testing me* (*my gut feeling) - how utterly childish she is being.

If it's the first or second reason...obviously drop her ass. If it's the third reason, ask yourself...is this type of behavior acceptable? Is this something you want to live with in a LTR with her?

If you do decide to talk to her again, I would recommend laying down the law and tell her you won't be disrespected like that again. And if she does...then drop her and move on.

The problem with giving girls a (figurative) leash, is that they take and take inch by inch. You've got to draw the line and if she crosses it, she's done. And you owe her no explanation to explain yourself after she crosses that line, as you've already told her what is acceptable behavior.

Post: #32

I'm just going to throw this out here, something I found that is fairly profound from the book "For Young Men's Eyes Only"

Quote:---
Putting together what the girls in our survey told us, we mapped out a five-stage inner journey that girls travel in a boyfriend relationship. If you look carefully at these five stages, you'll see something scary. You'll realize that you and she are having the same relationship at only two points: at stage 1 and at stage 5.

Stage 5, by the way, is when you get dropped like a bad habit.

Stage 1: She's warm and nice to you; you're happy.
You know what this feels like. At least we hope you do. After a few fun flirtations, you both realize there's something special between you. Or there could be. You decide to spend more time together. Before long, you decide you're a twosome; no other "special" relationships allowed. She's happy and you're happy. You're both in the same zone, feeling the same vibe, speaking the same language. How could life be this good? And then your happy twosome gets to stage 2. Well, you don't, but she does.

Stage 2: She's nice but cool; you're happy.
At least half the males in the world never notice stage 2. They're still happy and thinking they are in stage 1, and—like we said—they caught the girl. What could go wrong? (Anybody got a doggy treat?) But having a relationship requires ongoing maintenance, and something you are doing—or not doing—isn't working for her. Maybe it's all that scratching and stinky-ball chasing. Maybe she's not sure what she's unhappy about, but something's bothering her.

So she retreats a little. Cools off a little. Doesn't sound quite so excited when you call. What's happening inside her? She likes you, but she wishes something would change or maybe slow down. Most of the time, she's not being mean. She's just trying to change things in the relationship for the better. She's trying to send you a signal that action on your part is required. But what if nothing changes?

Stage 3: She's not happy; you're probably still happy.
She's not happy now. She really wants the relationship to change. Or she wants out. So she's sending up a nearly constant stream of danger flares. She wants you to know that a new ice age is around the corner. But if you're like most guys, you're probably still clueless. Why? Because she's signaling you indirectly. Don't know what "indirect" looks like? Girls gave us some examples:

She gets upset or annoyed more easily.
She says, "You're not listening," a lot.
She becomes less available.
She makes excuses to go home early.

You figure she's just more complicated than you expected. Or moodier. But more than likely she's trying to tell you something important. A girl finds it hard to be straightforward about her feelings. In large part that's because she's sensitive and doesn't want to hurt you. This is especially true if she doesn't like being with you as much as she did or if she wants out. So she'll hem and haw and won't be straightforward about things. Meanwhile, you're running around the yard, happily chasing your tail.

One girl told us, "Months before I actually break up with you, I'm getting
over you. You just haven't picked up on my clues." If indirect signals don't work, girls move on to stage 4.

Stage 4: She's not nice; now you're not happy.

At this point she figures the relationship probably isn't going to work. Why would it? To her, you seem clueless and unwilling to change. You'd think at this point she'd actually tell you what's wrong and what she wants. But no. What happens next, girls told us, is that she'll start being difficult, maybe impossible. She'll treat you badly.

Is that because she's finally turned into the Queen of Mean? The answer still is no, insisted our sources. She's simply trying to get you so irritated that you will be the one to break up with her, or at least you won't be as sad once she does.

Did you get that flow of logic? She treats you like a bad stink for no reason that you can see = She is just trying to get you to notice a problem = She is a nice person who cares about your future.

One college girl told us, "I personally will start trying to be annoying so that he's not as sad about it—so that when we do come to the breakup, he thinks it's for the best. A girl will give him the cold shoulder so he doesn't like her as much. And that makes the breakup easier on everyone. But that's probably what the guys are perceiving as mean."

No, really. Ya think?

Stage 5: She dumps you; you're shocked—and not at all happy.

Think about the last few times you got that punched-in-the-gut feeling with a girl. Did you, by any chance, see a pattern leading up to it? You may not have, since we guys aren't good at picking up the subtle clues girls use. Unfortunately for many of us guys, we only start reading these signs after a girl has already reached the Point of No Turning Back in her mind.

Imagine a guy-girl relationship as a party for two on the deck of a lovely cruise ship (let's say it's the Titanic). The guy is just enjoying the party. The girl? She's been noticing icebergs to the left and to the right for days—and trying to get you to notice too! Suddenly there's a big crash, and your love boat starts to sink. But the only person on deck who is surprised is…you.

Get the picture? Girls say they continually send guys signals when something is wrong. But most guys miss all of them. Then one day—wham!

Here's what one girl told us:
"When I break up with a guy, it might seem abrupt or cruel. But I've typically been thinking about it for months. I've been waiting for him to change in some areas, and I get more and more detached if he doesn't."

Once a girl is detached, then she can break up. By the time she's able to do that, she's cried all her tears and has already checked out.

Post: #33

(12-07-2017 05:16 AM)Tytalus Wrote:  

Quote:...A girl finds it hard to be straightforward about her feelings. In large part that's because she's sensitive and doesn't want to hurt you.
...

HAR HAR HAR!



I love it when women come up with bullshit covers for their total cowardice in approaching problems honestly and straight-on. This is a classic example.

Post: #34

(12-07-2017 05:28 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(12-07-2017 05:16 AM)Tytalus Wrote:  

Quote:...A girl finds it hard to be straightforward about her feelings. In large part that's because she's sensitive and doesn't want to hurt you.
...

HAR HAR HAR!



I love it when women come up with bullshit covers for their total cowardice in approaching problems honestly and straight-on. This is a classic example.

The writers of this book and in their series go out of there way to cast both genders in a very positive light. That said, they do describe a pattern very familiar to me when I was younger and dating. Everything was fine until it was over, and I missed all sorts of signs girls had been throwing my way that things weren't ok.

My coworker described her ex husband being SURPRISED that it was over after she'd moved out for 3 weeks. After she caught him cheating on her multiple times. After she told him 3 times it was over. Dude blubbered like a baby.

Post: #35

Get other girls, then ghost them.

In all seriousness, it’s something that will just take time. My last LTR ended a year ago on horrible terms, and the way the girl “left” me still bothers me.

Ghosting others will humble you, helps to realize that other people get ghosted too.

Post: #36

Sorry to hear about the health issues in the family. Sounds like you have bigger fish to fry than her

Post: #37

Had crazy deadlines which stopped me from updating properly.


Thanks for all your advice.

 As I thought her ghosting was a test I waited it out and last Tuesday morning I saw I had 5 WhatsApp messages from her.

Ignored them all day and went home that night to write her an email.

I turn my phone to airplane at night and as I wrote my email I read the messages which were saying:


“




How are you?”



So I drafted an email based in many ways on the insights that I’d gained from the replies on here.



Namely: 

“You’ve been acting like an idiot.

This shit is unacceptable and if you do it again we are done.

If you want to break up with me then don’t go about it backwards - do it, finish it.

We have three choices - make this work as a committed relationship NOW, split up NOW or let it dwindle into a miserable bitter death spiral complete with recriminations.



I want option A, I want to be with you but YOU have to make a decision. Send me a WhatsApp message saying simply Yes (you want in) or No (you want out) in the next 24 hours and we can go from there.

If you do wanna break up then let’s just be happy with the memories we have, and the good times that we had.

24 hours: up to you”



Saved the document and went to sleep.

Woke up to 15 more messages on my WhatsApp, every message about 10 to 40 minutes apart:


“Hey!

What’s happening in your world?!

Talk to me!

Come on!

Talk to me!
Please!

WTF?

What is going On?

All I know baby is that you’re forgetting about me..
I can’t understand!
This is like 2 + 2 makes 5..

Whats happened?

You don’t feel the same way about me anymore..?
Where is the guy that makes my heart leap?
If you leave me alone long enough I’m going to start writing more of these messages..
I can’t help it baby!
where are you?

Sweetheart..
I started writing a song about you..!! “

I shot her a message back saying “yeah just seen your messages, thanks.
I just sent you an email. Come back to me with a shorthand answer in the next 24 hours. Hope you're well.”

Nothing all day and then the next morning I wake up to:



“ I regret that we can’t have had a proper conversation about this.

I respect your desire for a short answer, there’s so much i want to say..

You've been clear in what you want to hear.. and I want to break up.



Grateful for the memories we had, grateful for the times we’ve had etc. etc.”



Shot back “No worries I had a good time, wish you wel- etc. etc.”



Then I messaged her on another app. “Hope you understand that, now we’ve broken up, I’ll be taking a break from messages, memories, reminders etc.”

then blocked her on all my apps and facebook.



(..she might not realise yet that she’ll be blocked for the rest of her natural life but hey, there you go.. )

We can be as crude or as respectful as we like about whether she was just acting on a gut feeling in her stomach or the feeling of having someone else’s huge cock in her ass.
I hear a lot of reports that she’s just been moping around with her family and friends leading up to this but then I don’t have a window into her mind, or into her fantasies, or the messages on her phone and, frankly; its not my concern now.

Personally I think that, on different levels, everything that people have mentioned has been in play here: Hypergamy, Heartiste’s insight, her roving eye, me becoming less shiny, her hitting the wall, her doubting where it was going. 


Given that we’d been dating a long time I found it hard to just immediately think ‘she’s a whore, dump the bitch’ (the night I posted and saw the replies coming in I was about to insult her, dump her and block her immediately until I calmed down a couple of hours later) and I appreciate what Beyond Borders said about not being too quick to write people and relationships off out of hand.

Grateful to Leonard D Neubache for nailing what was going on here in terms of the relationship and what the options were.

Helped me to bring things to a head.



Gents, this COULD have been a phu—qking long, drawn out disaster, full of bitterness and vindictiveness so thanks for your advice. It made a big difference.

As for me, I’ll probably do a ‘where I am now’ post on the newbie thread.



Its interesting, with work here I had a director ask me if I was interested in being promoted to a new role and now I don’t have to worry about the effect on my relationship.

Nothing tying me down now so..



I think the bottom line reason for what happened here was my financial irresponsibility over a long time and my lack of prospects now. Something I need to work on.



Favourite line: " I regret that we can’t have had a proper conversation about this... there’s so much i want to say.."

Thanks for your help everyone.

Post: #38

(12-04-2017 10:57 AM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  I'm actually really embarrassed posting this.

So I've been seeing this girl for over a year, we've been pretty tight (or at least I thought.. going exclusive discussions, deleting Tinder discussions, facebook relationship status changes, seeing each other about 4 times a week in recent months, I love you's from both of us, her crying with emotion, all that - I mean typing this it doesn't seem to count for much but.. ) .
I'm away from home just now and we agreed that as I was going to be pretty busy we'd aim for two catch ups a week. Of course we talked more than that.
But 10 days ago she suddenly started being sarcastic and indifferent when messaging which was out of character for her. I just sent a sarcastic reply back - "fuck it, whatever.."
She came back a day later saying "I'm sorry I was rude, I love you and I miss you."

Okay so.. more texts and a long phone call after that and then we were chatting pretty amicably the other day and she got sarcastic again, said she was finding it hard missing me, didn't like me being away, she stopped replying to my pretty run of the mill messages and I have heard zero, zip, zilch, nada from her since that aborted conversation.

I check her statuses and she's on the internet every day but for a week its been nothing and I can feel how effective ghosting is.

I am totally mystified.

(I mean maybe there's someone else or she wants to act like a hoe out of nowhere - if that is the case then I've seriously misjudged her but Good Riddance) it just doesn't make any sense to me.

From my side I get that the likelihood is I'm about to be dumped.

I've read Heartiste's and this forum's advice so I've got my flippant, friendly 'no worries, take it easy" style reply saved on my phone for reply when she texts that == and then I will immediately block her on all apps, next her from my life and move on.

I mean I am annoyed. I'm furious with her that after we knew each other for two years and have now been dating for another year-and-a-bit, she was telling me about how she wanted a family and Ive met her family, and our friends are now our mutual friends, and then she just decides to blank me for a week without saying a word of warning.

I won't speak to her until she contacts me. I just.. it's just > not being able to tell her what a c* *t she's being, either now or in the future (because I'm going to be giving her karma as a dish served cold), that frustrates me.

I mean I could just pre-empt her and dump her now and then block her before she can come back but I don't want to jump the gun just for the sake of a bit of insecurity.

Maybe (alright mayyybbeeee...) her Mum's been sick and it's all been crazy: I just don't understand the silence in that case.
For the sake of a week and some pride that I'll soon get back I will give it a chance to play itself out as either one thing or another.

I mean if I'm not about to be dumped (plan already in place) then I don't even know what the f--- she's playing at.

maybe I'll hear her out then dump her but..

any advice greatly appreciated

Advice? Consider yourself lucky. This is an opportunity and a wake up call. Go diversify your portfolio!

_______________________________________________
Sometimes I take notes, sometimes I take hostages. It all depends on what day it is.

Post: #39

Good, it's done then.

I'm glad you got to say what you wanted. You can only say so much to a girl and call her out so much.

Women will hamster away their actions and drop excuses all the time.

Quote:Namely: 

“You’ve been acting like an idiot.

This shit is unacceptable and if you do it again we are done.

If you want to break up with me then don’t go about it backwards - do it, finish it.

We have three choices - make this work as a committed relationship NOW, split up NOW or let it dwindle into a miserable bitter death spiral complete with recriminations.



I want option A, I want to be with you but YOU have to make a decision. Send me a WhatsApp message saying simply Yes (you want in) or No (you want out) in the next 24 hours and we can go from there.

If you do wanna break up then let’s just be happy with the memories we have, and the good times that we had.

24 hours: up to you”



You went in full guns blazing I would've slowed down a bit - maybe to get a better understanding of the situation.

I'd still call her out for acting childish and unacceptable but keep in mind, YOU'RE in control, so guide the conversation better.

I'd of said "You're been acting childish and it's unacceptable - I don't have time for games, etc"

Ultimatums typically never work, but you gave her options, honestly, I wouldn't give her any.

I'd say hey, the shit you're pulling is stupid, shit or get off the pot basically.

By saying you want option A, it makes you have slightly less power in this conversation - always leave it open ended to find out her intentions.

Quote:I shot her a message back saying “yeah just seen your messages, thanks.
I just sent you an email. Come back to me with a shorthand answer in the next 24 hours. Hope you're well.”

This was absolutely solid.

Quote:Nothing all day and then the next morning I wake up to:



“ I regret that we can’t have had a proper conversation about this.

I respect your desire for a short answer, there’s so much i want to say..

If she did, she'd be blowing up your phone with texts and explanations, pleading with you to get back together, not empty typical responses like, "I miss you, you make me smile, etc"

Quote:You've been clear in what you want to hear.. and I want to break up.



Let's be real, she's now clear, she wants to break up but she's using your email as her chance to eject.

Her actions clearly speak louder than the bullshit she's spewing.

She simply wanted an out.

You know the drill now, no contact, block her on everything, move on, work on yourself, game other women.

Keep it moving, don't stay stagnant.

Post: #40

(12-13-2017 12:00 PM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  I want option A, I want to be with you but YOU have to make a decision. Send me a WhatsApp message saying simply Yes (you want in) or No (you want out) in the next 24 hours and we can go from there.

If you do wanna break up then let’s just be happy with the memories we have, and the good times that we had.

This is the part I dont agree with (or quite understand). As Kaotic already mentioned this is an unnecessary "transfer of power" that actually makes me think she might have misread as a bluff on your part.

Nevertheless the good news is "nothing gets you over the last one like the next one". Youre young and have years of new ass ahead of you.

Cheers OP

Post: #41

Looks like you handled it ok. I wouldn't have been so direct or time sensitive in that email, but I'm different than you, and there's no right answers with women. You did fine.

The only general thing I would say... it never seems manly to ever focus on the relationship formality or label. This includes the following expressions used in your email:
"we are done"
"if you want to break up with me"
"committed relationship"
"split up"
"saying simply Yes or No"
"answer in the next 24 hours"

I've always thought a man's power rests in his attention and presence. This can manifest in any number of ways: provisions ($), fun, social status, sexual compatibility, being with a hot guy, thrill (riding on a motorcycle), etc.

I've found women fall back on formality, and it's a weakness in me to fall back on formality.

I'm not trying to nit-pick. Like I said, you did fine. And your authenticity is refreshing, which makes it educational as well. It's good you typed out what you felt. Just learn from it. You may find you were holding on to the label more than you would like to in the future (it's personal and up to you).

But when I look at my player friends and my married friends with good marriages, the men have that general attitude. Their power is internal.

Edit: I should say, while your email was great because it was genuine, another way of typing the email (and seeing the relationship, and treating yourself) would be to use language regarding your time and relationships. It's only fair to offer an example:
"I expect a certain level of behavior and communication from people with whom I spend my time. While we seemed to get along well for a while, in the last few months you've seemed more distant, which I don't appreciate in my friends or with you. It's disappointing because I enjoyed my time with you. This isn't meant to insult you or change your behavior, I'm simply explaining my perspective. You're a cool girl." (leaves the door open for her, but you can leave the door closed if you want...it's on your terms)

Post: #42

heavy, you nailed it, exactly what I was getting at, this should be a pinned reply !

Post: #43

OP, thanks for letting us know how it panned out. I find it curious she would blow up your phone and then end it like that....

I agree with the others you handled it well, and the future looks bright, but no doubt you will have some sad times for a while, this is natural and we are here for you (read the no contact thread).

Good luck mate.

Post: #44

A productive outcome, though it will sting for a while.

Personally I think OP handled it excellently. What many of us are forgetting is that their tribal circles have already been closed in a loop around them. In most instances it's better to be the dumper instead of the dumpee but it's not the case here.

OP can hold his head high on a personal level because he put up an ultimatum like a man but he forced her to pull the trigger on the relationship. He can go out knowing he wasn't a little bitch that rode a shitty relationship into the ground, but at the same time in the eyes of their mutual tribe, she isn't the victim in all this.

The importance of that fact cannot be understated, because if he dumped her then among his family and friends, her whole sorry life saga from that point on would be laid at his feet for failing to "man up".

It might be a bitter pill to swallow but OP knows the real score and he can hold his head high. Meanwhile there will be little tribal sympathy for the his ex because she's the one that ended the relationship herself.

Top outcome. Be careful of doing anything stupid on the rebound, remember the good times fondly, take a good hard look at what's really going to make you happy and go after it guns blazing.

Post: #45

(12-13-2017 06:19 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  OP, thanks for letting us know how it panned out. I find it curious she would blow up your phone and then end it like that....

That struck me as odd as well...hence my thought that perhaps she thought he was "bluffing" since he admitted that his Option A was he "wanted it to work out". I think guys often forget just how differently we (as in with linear logic) process things mentally (especially emotional or relationship subjects )




You run OP's Option A through the signal scrambler that is a girl-brain and you get "He wants me... so my plan is working and I just need to test him some more"

Post: #46

(12-07-2017 09:36 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  Get other girls, then ghost them.

(12-07-2017 09:36 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  Ghosting others will humble you, helps to realize that other people get ghosted too.

How so? I don't really get how it would be humbling to ghost girls, in my opinion it just seems like a childish behaviour instead of just being upfront and telling the girl what you think and what the conditions are gonna be.
It must be better to just be the bigger person and be above all that crap.

But I guess it's different if a woman has already started to "ghost" you, then there's not much else you can do than do the same.

(12-13-2017 12:00 PM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  Then I messaged her on another app. “Hope you understand that, now we’ve broken up, I’ll be taking a break from messages, memories, reminders etc.”

then blocked her on all my apps and facebook.



(..she might not realise yet that she’ll be blocked for the rest of her natural life but hey, there you go.. )

What did you really get out of that though?

Now I don't get all this with deleting contact details, blocking people on Facebook and on every single app they're on and shit like that.
From my perspective that behaviour just seems like one isn't emotionally stable and can't handle relationships with people in a mature way, as an adult.

I also don't think it's natural for people to just suddenly stop giving even two fucks about one another and cut all contact like that when you've actually spent two years together and sometimes seen each other as much as 4 times per week.

For what? Just because she didn't turn out to the mother of your children or love of your life. Sure she was a bit childish and wasn't perfect for you, but she don't seem to have cheated on you and for sure there must have been some great things about her if you decided keep this woman in your life for two years.

You could have just unfollowed her on FB so you didn't have to see her updates anymore and then just wish her "Merry Christmas" once a year.

You never know if she might have been a useful contact to have in your life in the future. With that said, I've done the same to people in the past and I know it feels good for the ego for a few seconds, but I regret it because in some cases it has also burned many useful bridges in life.
And it also feels pretty good to be the bigger person or what not.

But good luck with the future, you have some exciting times ahead of you now.

Post: #47

Yeah I can decently see your point.

In defence of macetyrell I think that he miscommunicated himself and was trying to say that its all very well ghosting chicks but when it happens to us then we find out what it feels like.

In my case you might be right.

My issue is that at break up time I get a tad obsessive and Jealous and the last gf I 'unfollowed' and stayed social media friends with I did all kinds of secret online stalking of/ obsessing about.
Blocking people just protects me from myself in that respect.
I've got some old facebook profiles that I use now and again (she's not friends with me on those) and I've blocked her on those too.

The other side is, and this is just my opinion, a la her "I regret that we can’t have had a proper conversation about this.. there’s so much i want to say.." which was a) bullshit - she just wanted an out and b) would have been her opportunity to make herself feel better about herself and the way she's acted..

Anything I would have either read or texted back after the breakup would have only set me back further. It would only have been useful to one of us, her, for all the rationalisations and 'caring, loving' self-image repair work it would have allowed her to do.
It wouldn't make me feel better. It wouldn't have helped me.
It certainly wouldn't have got me anywhere nearer getting back with her.

She's made her bed, she can lie in it.

I'm probably going to extend my stay out here to a good year, year and a half and she can do whatever she wants in someone else's world with her future. I need to focus on my life.

I think you're right though: she is/was a lovely woman, in many ways a gem. It would have been much better to be the bigger man and stay in touch irregularly. I think that that would have been more Alpha.

In my case I'm just knowing myself here, knowing the disaster that the "happy little friends act" can turn into and perhaps being a bit mean-spirited because at the moment I don't have that much self discipline around these things and the 'block' function is easier.

Maybe in a few months if I'm genuinely over her then I'll unblock her and send her a message request saying "hey, no need to reply, hope all is good, life is going well for you.." Something like that.

Post: #48

New around here but this has happened to me in early relationships after college (mid 30s now). Girls play more games than guys, and like some above have said, they always have their eyes open looking for an upgrade. Be thankful it happened now before you got stuck with her.

Post: #49

I'm not gonna tell you anything new... not even anything that even essentially hasn't been said already. The only cure for old or lost poosay in new poosay. And jesus... it's one chick. There are 7 plus billion people in the world... more than half of which are women. You can find a better one. Move on dude... seriously this is only the beginning of the BS.

Post: #50

(12-14-2017 04:28 AM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  Yeah I can decently see your point.

In defence of macetyrell I think that he miscommunicated himself and was trying to say that its all very well ghosting chicks but when it happens to us then we find out what it feels like.

In my case you might be right.

My issue is that at break up time I get a tad obsessive and Jealous and the last gf I 'unfollowed' and stayed social media friends with I did all kinds of secret online stalking of/ obsessing about.
Blocking people just protects me from myself in that respect.
I've got some old facebook profiles that I use now and again (she's not friends with me on those) and I've blocked her on those too.

The other side is, and this is just my opinion, a la her "I regret that we can’t have had a proper conversation about this.. there’s so much i want to say.." which was a) bullshit - she just wanted an out and b) would have been her opportunity to make herself feel better about herself and the way she's acted..

Anything I would have either read or texted back after the breakup would have only set me back further. It would only have been useful to one of us, her, for all the rationalisations and 'caring, loving' self-image repair work it would have allowed her to do.
It wouldn't make me feel better. It wouldn't have helped me.
It certainly wouldn't have got me anywhere nearer getting back with her.

She's made her bed, she can lie in it.

I'm probably going to extend my stay out here to a good year, year and a half and she can do whatever she wants in someone else's world with her future. I need to focus on my life.

I think you're right though: she is/was a lovely woman, in many ways a gem. It would have been much better to be the bigger man and stay in touch irregularly. I think that that would have been more Alpha.

In my case I'm just knowing myself here, knowing the disaster that the "happy little friends act" can turn into and perhaps being a bit mean-spirited because at the moment I don't have that much self discipline around these things and the 'block' function is easier.

Maybe in a few months if I'm genuinely over her then I'll unblock her and send her a message request saying "hey, no need to reply, hope all is good, life is going well for you.." Something like that.

^ This. Nice post and self awareness insights. OP...youre going to be fine