Post: #1

Hello guys, I'll give you a little insight about the situation first. So there is this girl I've known for 1,5 years, I met her when she first moved in our city to study for college(she comes from another country) and I was the first she met in town. It's sad, but back then I was more ballsy than I am now and I approached her randomly on a night out and it was a success. We were seeing eachother for like a month but never did get to fuck her because she was still a virgin. Anyway I remember I gave up on her pretty soon because she was only fooling around testing the waters, I think she wanted a relationship material guy so she could feel safe about losing her virginity.

After a while she got a boyfriend, she was in a relationship with him for like 6-8 months and then they broke up. In this timefrime we haven't really seen eachother while she was dating, neither did we keep in touch. Anyway, recently I started going out more and saw her at the usual pubs. We started talking again, like saying hi to eachother everytime we bumped into one another and ocasionally drinking/dancing together, nothing serious though.

One month ago, it was her birthday, and the next day i hit her up and asked her if she wanted to go out to grab a bite and just chat and to wish her a happy birthday. She agreed, we met, chatted, had a great time, nothing sexually. I really like that about her, that I can have interesting conversation with her.

Anyway to jump to the problem at hand, after that night we saw eachother one more time on a short walk with my car, and then one night I was out and texted her my location if she wanted to come and drink. Usually everytime she's out, she's with a bunch of friends and very hard to isolate her, but this time she was alone and very drunk. So she came alone, we grabbed a drink and then she told me she has to go meet some friends and that she'll be back. After 15 minutes she got back, came up to me and said to go out for a smoke(there is an outdoor area for smoking which is usually not used, so we were alone). Out of the sudden she started telling me that she liked me a lot, that I was the first guy she met here, that she's confused, that she only had sex a couple of times and wasn't really good and that she wanted to feel like a woman and literally asked me to take her home and fuck her.

So I did, I took her home, we were naked in my bed, but something didn't work. Yeah, you know what didn't work. Because I drank so fucking much I couldn't get a hard on and shit went sideways. I had to explain to her that it isn't her fault because that's what she believed, and basically I felt like shit. Anyway, we met a couple of more times, talking, kissing, basically just getting to know eachother, the attraction surprinsgly after that failed night was still there.

And here is where I screwed it up the most, because I started to fall for her, I acted like a complete beta that I am. And it's also at a very unfortunate time because I am stressed as fuck and very hard to be around me these days(I have to figure my shit out). So with all this shit built up inside me I've made some retarded mistakes.

Two days ago, we were supposed to meet out at a nightclub. I was planning to fuck her that night, lay down the alcohol and take her home, sounded easy. So I told her I was out pre-gaming with my friends and we'll meet later tonight. At around 12 am I got a message from another girl that just broke up with her bf and wanted to fuck like asap.(I've been prepping the ground with this one for a while and it wasnt the first time we hooked up). So I decided that I will score double tonight, and told my friends I'll get back in an hour.

After I was done, I got back to my friends at like 1:30 am and I saw she was already there with her friends. I went up to her and she hugged me so tight and told me she was very drunk. She was bouncing around all night, didn't even stay for more than 2 minutes with me, and I didn't know what was up. One of my friends told me that she asked around about me all night asking where I am(while I was fucking the other chick).

Anyway, later on she appeared again with her friends, grabbed me and told me to come outside for a smoke. We went for a smoke, but she didn't even stay with me, she was with 2 of her friends and started talking all in russian(i dont understand it). While they were talking she suddenly started crying for no reason and just shouting in russian. I was like WTF, but kept my cool. After she was done, she came up to me, kissed me and said she is going home with her friends. Next day she told me she was sorry that she had to go, that she was very emotional and had a lot to drink.

Anyway, yesterday is the day where I completely screwed it up and made a fool of myself. I had a long day working, all the energy built up inside me, I decided to go out with friends and get hammered. So we started pre-gaming at around 8 PM, and around 11 PM we went out. We were already fucked up(we mixed alcohol with weed). At around 12 I wrote to her that she sould come with her friends and stay with us(we were 3 they were 3). She said they would come, but basically they ditched us. She kept telling me from 30 to 30 minutes that she is coming.

I got tired of her bullshit and didn't even write anymore, just kept drinking with my friends. At around 4 am we switched clubs and I saw her with her friends there. At this point I was so drunk I could barely stand up and I got very frustrated that she ditched me in that way and made me look like a fool in front of my friends(i told them they would come). So I went up to her and said what's up, she had this angry look like she didn't give a fuck and basically just told me hi and that was it.

So ofcourse, that I kept on drinking and at one point I just couldn't stand it and went home. After I arrived home she texted me where I am. I told her that I went home and she got angry that I didn't say anything. I told her that I am just very drunk right now and very angry and that we'll talk tomorrow. She asked what's up, that she feels sorry, and to tell her whats wrong with me that she cares. I told her Im just in a very bad mood, had a bad day, it's a stressfull period for me and that unfortunately I like her more than I want to admit.

She said that she doesn't believe me, and I told her that she is all I can think about and very cheesy stuff(beeing a drunk ass fuck). She asked me why am I doing this, that she prefers to see actions not to hear words. I told her I don't know how to prove to her more than this, and that i really like her. She told me she also started to like me more but she is afraid to go very deep because she doesn't want to get hurt.

I texted her that "whatever happens I'll already be hurt because you are in my mind all the time", after that she told me to go to sleep and stop complicating a simple thing, I just replied "going to sleep now". So I know a made a fool of myself, looked like a complete beta, and the sad thing is that I was really honest with myself, I really like her, actually the first girl that I really care about and I just enjoy every time with her. And I hate to admist it to myself, but I'm probably falling in love with her. Today after I woke up I texted her:"If you could forget everything I wrote last night, it would be awesome, if not it would still be awesome, at least I learned a valuable lesson last night. Never mix weed with excessive amounts of alcohol.(smiley face)".

So, besides the fact that I should quit drinking, stop feeling sorry for myself, and stop writing such long bullshit posts about a single girl, what do you guys think I should do in this situation?

Btw I'm a young 21 guy, take it easy on me guys, still trying to fiure out this thing called "life".

Post: #2

Stop drinking so much and just stick to weed. You really like this girl alot and feel like no matter what you do you can't win. I get it. Been there myself bro. Many, many times. A year from now it will be the same drama but different hoe.

Stop being so hard on yourself. You didn't fuck up, she did. Your the prize not her. Always remember that.

Good luck

Post: #3

(12-17-2016 06:30 AM)Schlep Wrote:  Stop drinking so much and just stick to weed. You really like this girl alot and feel like no matter what you do you can't win. I get it. Been there myself bro. Many, many times. A year from now it will be the same drama but different hoe.

Stop being so hard on yourself. You didn't fuck up, she did. Your the prize not her. Always remember that.

Good luck

Thank you for the advice. Yeah, alcohol fucks everything up for me, it wasn't the first time either when I couldn't get a hard dick because of it. Yeah, I have that "I am the prize" mentality, I even tell girls usually you are very lucky that I spend time with you, and shit like that.

An update anyway, she replied to my text with:"Why are you doing this? Going back on your words. You were just emotional and that's it, and I understand you.". Then I said:"it happens to the best of us." and she replied:"you are weird(smiley face)). Then she told me that her friends said I look "cute". I just replied with "thanks".

Honestly I'm thinking about ignoring her for a while, see if she starts getting more agressive?

Post: #4

You can drink I don't judge but DO NOT TEXT WHILE BEING DRUNK cause that fucks shit up for you. I mean how easy it was to text then "i'm going to sleep, you're sleeping with me, come now. how's that for an action". That would do the job.

OK now keep in touch with her, party with her as usual but let her see you're talking to other girls. Game other girls in front of her. Tell her you like her cause she can help you meet hot girls. Stuff like this. Install some jealousy virus in her head. Treat her as one of "your" girls. Wait till that flip switches in her head and she's invested and then pull the trigger when. That's what I'd do.

Post: #5

I will disagree with the first comment. She did not fuck up, you did. The quicker you understand that, the quicker you can change the way you act. Alcohol has prevented you from banging this broad on multiple occasions. I get that you are in college, but have some control over yourself.

As men in this forum, we do what most women (and men for that matter) cannot do: live in reality, accept consequences, and blame nobody for what happens in our lives but ourselves. You are 21, a young man, and by realizing you made mistakes, already ahead of 90% of other guys out there who do the same things over and over and expect different results.

I wish you luck, you have not blown it with this chick from what it appears. I agree with most of what XXL is saying and agree that you should keep gaming her. You see her out a lot. Let her see you with other chicks, even if just friends. She will get jealous and be more attracted to you. She seems to be "okay" with the fact that you were overly emotional, but do not let this happen again until you fuck her (and even limit it after that). It seems like you were doing just fine with her prior to these small fuck ups, so I won't try to reinvent the wheel here. You seem to be in tune with yourself and honest about your shortcomings. Very respectable. Let us know how it goes man.

Post: #6

You drink too much. You think about this girl too much. Your life is not in order. But you know all of this because you state it in your post.

So stop making it more complicated. Control your drinking. Stop thinking about this one girl. And get your life in order.

And you're not in love with her. You don't even know what love is. Stop trying to rationalize why you're always thinking about this girl. You're thinking about her because she is hot and you want to fuck her. That's all.

Post: #7

Stop the weed AND drinking so much. Totally salvageable. Whether or not you SHOULD salvage it until you're able to evaluate her behavior and values honestly is another matter. From what you've written, a girl who drinks excessively, goes out regularly with friends, and admits to having sex a "few times" to a guy she's interested in (remember the rule of 3s?), she's not one that I'd be wifing up, and it sounds like she'll have you wrapped around her finger in no time. Telling yourself you're the prize (thanks Swinggcat) and believing it are two different things.

If you want to bang there's no point in waiting, some other guy will probably get in there if you don't strike while the irons hot. If she's out with her friends and flakey on weekend nights pick a different night of the week if she doesn't have to get up early, meet her at a quiet bar where you can run game without interference and distractions, and pull her home then. Even daytime if you think you can close without excessive alcohol. But proceed with caution. The first "love" always has a special pull, but every girl was someone's first love, and by definition a minority of them are special.

Post: #8

First, I'm going to tell you something you already know...

Stop drinking and smoking so much.

Use moderation in all things, especially drugs and alcohol. I forget who said it, but "alcohol can make a good servant but a horrible master." If you use it to loosen up a little in order to help facilitate having a good time, it's fine. If you're using it as a crutch in place of game, it's not.

Should you ever find yourself in a situation where you can't get it up and want to save a little face, remember this phrase: "I don't think we should do this yet."

Now we all know it's important to escalate things with a girl as quickly as possible, but if you're unable to do that, it's better to have her think you're choosing not to have sex than you can't get it up. In other words, if you can't wood, flip the script and give her LMR (last minute resistance). The word "yet" is probably the single most important word in that sentence, as it indicates you still want to but maybe you don't want things to "move too fast." Even if that's just a total bullshit excuse on your part.

In cases for guys who have performance-related anxiety, just giving the girl last minute resistance (potentially taking sex off the table) might be enough to help you relax in order to get an erection, especially if she continues trying to escalate.

Ultimately, the worst case scenario in either case will be she won't want to sleep with you again. But isn't it better for her to be "offended" you didn't want to sleep with her than for her to go around gossiping about your not being able to get a boner? The best case scenario is she's somewhat intrigued by your turning down sex (not something typical for guys to do) and you've bought yourself another chance for later, when hopefully you can properly seal the deal.

For you younger guys, you can use the same "I don't think we should do this yet" excuse if you prematurely ejaculate during sex. Or, if you prefer, she can walk away knowing you nut in twelve seconds. It's up to you. I'm just giving you a face-saving option.

Post: #9

Everyone has given you sound advice on the relationship part, but what I will offer to you is to stop drinking and smoking, because while they both can and are in fun when used sparingly wit the right group of people, they will slowly eat away at your life and sooner or later you will be too late in realizing that when already your 20's are gone because of wasting away from the drugs.

I would strongly recommend picking up a constructive hobby like weightlifting where you can monitor your progress week by week and see the changes before your own eyes, that will givbe you an intrinsic motivation to quit the drugs.

Do that and report back to us!

Post: #10

Thank you for all the advices, yeah I will start taking it more easy with the alcohol. Regarding the girl, I will take on the advice of making her jealous and see how she responds.

Post: #11

Well obviously this is a disaster, but what saves this for you are her replies.

She was saying she wants actions not words and that she likes you too, etc...

Implying that you keep dicking around but havent just directly asked her out yet.

Now i wouldnt trust a girls words but maybe theres something there.

Playing an even longer game of making her jealous with a girl youve known for this long? Its a bit too much overdramatizing.

Honestly id just ask her out and get everything else in order in parallel

Post: #12

(12-18-2016 12:25 PM)Beirut Wrote:  Well obviously this is a disaster, but what saves this for you are her replies.

She was saying she wants actions not words and that she likes you too, etc...

Implying that you keep dicking around but havent just directly asked her out yet.

Now i wouldnt trust a girls words but maybe theres something there.

Playing an even longer game of making her jealous with a girl youve known for this long? Its a bit too much overdramatizing.

Honestly id just ask her out and get everything else in order in parallel

We have been on proper dates before, it's not like we just meet randomly when we go out. We just didn't go in depth about her or my feelings about eachother. I couldn't close though the dates with her coming at my place because I had a guest living with me for a week and I had no place to go. We have been on 2 dates after that failed night(when I couldn't get it up) and also met eachother when we went out.

Post: #13

Ok so were your advances rejected during any of those dates?

She was down to fuck you, she still goes out with you (the night with friends excluded) etc...

Im just wondering whats the point of explicitly making her jealous now, if the shortcomings so far have all been your fault (roommate situation or whatever). Thats not to say you shouldnt have a social life while youre single but thats a different subject.

Just get a grip and date and fuck the girl properly.

Post: #14

(12-18-2016 01:03 PM)Beirut Wrote:  Ok so were your advances rejected during any of those dates?

She was down to fuck you, she still goes out with you (the night with friends excluded) etc...

Im just wondering whats the point of explicitly making her jealous now, if the shortcomings so far have all been your fault (roommate situation or whatever). Thats not to say you shouldnt have a social life while youre single but thats a different subject.

Just get a grip and date and fuck the girl properly.

No, she initiated it. I'll try to set up a date with her this week and try to bring her home and fuck her. I just hope it won't be weird when we meet this time, after that drunk night.

Post: #15

(12-18-2016 01:03 PM)Beirut Wrote:  Ok so were your advances rejected during any of those dates?

She was down to fuck you, she still goes out with you (the night with friends excluded) etc...

Im just wondering whats the point of explicitly making her jealous now, if the shortcomings so far have all been your fault (roommate situation or whatever). Thats not to say you shouldnt have a social life while youre single but thats a different subject.

Just get a grip and date and fuck the girl properly.

From what he described she didn't reject him, he kind of rejected her so she was disappointed in him and put off by his passiveness to the point that she had to blatantly tell him what he has to do to get her.

The whole point of trying to instill some jealousy in her is to rebuild his image a bit so she doesn't lose all interest and to bait her to start gaming him [by fighting for his attention]. She might want to fuck him just to re-validate herself and distract him from other girls he's talking to, that's how powerful social proof is.

That's how I'd play it.

Post: #16

^ Do you think he has the skills to keep it together if she turns the tables and starts making out with another guy in front of him though? I agree you're right on for someone with a bit more experience and self control, but could be a risky gambit for an impulsive newbie who's previously missed all the subtle cues.

Post: #17

I don't disagree xxl but i think more drawn out headgames is the last thing this guy needs (like gorgiass said) and so many things can go wrong plus also in a reverse way its making him invest even more time into this girl.

and plus, the destroyed image may be far too worse in his mind than in reality, so basically what hed be doing is just trying to restore his ego.

If she had the idea that he isnt 100 percent after her before, and now he made the whole drunken drama, then its likely his image is now very confused in the girls head and that hes all over th place and hot and cold, as opposed to destroyed (as in what a beta loser).

She already got in bed with him and i think for some girls even if the sex didnt happen or was terrible, thats already an investment for her so any kind of investment hed have made by havinf his epic meltdown might not have hurt that much since shes invested herself as well before.

Post: #18

(12-19-2016 06:04 PM)Gorgiass Wrote:  ^ Do you think he has the skills to keep it together if she turns the tables and starts making out with another guy in front of him though? I agree you're right on for someone with a bit more experience and self control, but could be a risky gambit for an impulsive newbie who's previously missed all the subtle cues.

I don't know how he might execute it, I only give some ideas, he can take it or leave it. Besides, where's the risk here? He's already failing so now he can go hard and do whatever to flip it. He should rock the boat now so to speak and see where it will take him. He will win or learn.

Post: #19

Gonna reflect what a lot of other people in the topic are saying in that you should be stepping away from/cutting down on alcohol in general. Drinking's not doing you good.

Also:

Quote:but I'm probably falling in love with her

Whether or not this is true, thinking you are is going to make you put way too much stock into the situation and its outcome. That tends to only lead to bad things. Just stepping away, taking a breath, and hitting on some other girls should help you relax and handle the situation more effectively, as well as boost your social standing with her.

I can't really blame you for getting all into a virgin though, and you were probably right about her looking for R material in a guy if what you know about her is correct.

I had another friend go through something similar. Found a virgin, she liked him, but he always seemed to beta out and make mistakes he shouldn't be making. For him it wasn't alcohol that screwed him up (though it didn't help), he just wasn't willing to initiate. He got so into the situation that later on it really ruined his mental state, like you could walk into a room and look at him from the other side and be able to tell that talking to him would only get him yelling at you like a child. He just wouldn't separate himself from that situation and consider what HE should do to help things, was focusing on it nonstop, and ruining his mental state and also pissing everyone else around him off with his mood swings. Guy wasn't even badly off either: he was good looking and better off than me financially, it was just his lack of game and the lack of an ability to separate himself from the situation that ruined things for him. Fatefully I told him months before she broke up with him that it was going to happen because of his attitude and lack of boundary pushing, something he didn't, nay, wouldn't, believe until it happened. If he'd stepped away he may have been able to calm down and figure out a way to swing things back in his favor (which in his specific case would have of course been initiating more and pushing the boundaries harder, but I digress)

I really wouldn't go for the jealous thing that some people are suggesting. It's not that I'm against this sort of thing or think that in itself it's a bad idea, I just don't think in your current state you'd be able to pull it off effectively enough. This situation really does call for some time focusing on things other than her more than anything, and re-approaching the situation when you've felt like you're in a good state to handle it. Remember, if you want to do well with any girl you need to be in a good state yourself. When a situation already has you in a state like this one has you, it's hard to avoid making further mistakes if you just keep at it over and over and over.

Post: #20

(12-20-2016 12:51 PM)Fightersword Wrote:  Gonna reflect what a lot of other people in the topic are saying in that you should be stepping away from/cutting down on alcohol in general. Drinking's not doing you good.

Also:

Quote:but I'm probably falling in love with her

Whether or not this is true, thinking you are is going to make you put way too much stock into the situation and its outcome. That tends to only lead to bad things. Just stepping away, taking a breath, and hitting on some other girls should help you relax and handle the situation more effectively, as well as boost your social standing with her.

I can't really blame you for getting all into a virgin though, and you were probably right about her looking for R material in a guy if what you know about her is correct.

I had another friend go through something similar. Found a virgin, she liked him, but he always seemed to beta out and make mistakes he shouldn't be making. For him it wasn't alcohol that screwed him up (though it didn't help), he just wasn't willing to initiate. He got so into the situation that later on it really ruined his mental state, like you could walk into a room and look at him from the other side and be able to tell that talking to him would only get him yelling at you like a child. He just wouldn't separate himself from that situation and consider what HE should do to help things, was focusing on it nonstop, and ruining his mental state and also pissing everyone else around him off with his mood swings. Guy wasn't even badly off either: he was good looking and better off than me financially, it was just his lack of game and the lack of an ability to separate himself from the situation that ruined things for him. Fatefully I told him months before she broke up with him that it was going to happen because of his attitude and lack of boundary pushing, something he didn't, nay, wouldn't, believe until it happened. If he'd stepped away he may have been able to calm down and figure out a way to swing things back in his favor (which in his specific case would have of course been initiating more and pushing the boundaries harder, but I digress)

I really wouldn't go for the jealous thing that some people are suggesting. It's not that I'm against this sort of thing or think that in itself it's a bad idea, I just don't think in your current state you'd be able to pull it off effectively enough. This situation really does call for some time focusing on things other than her more than anything, and re-approaching the situation when you've felt like you're in a good state to handle it. Remember, if you want to do well with any girl you need to be in a good state yourself. When a situation already has you in a state like this one has you, it's hard to avoid making further mistakes if you just keep at it over and over and over.

I'm sorry for your friend, this seems like sound advice. I agree that first you need to be in a good mental state before you start dealing with women.

So I tried yesterday to set up a date with her, but it failed because her family got in town and she spent time with them. Honestly I think I should just distance myself from her and start going out with other girls so I can stop overthinking about this situation too much, and just wait for the right moment.