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Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
Approx. 2 years ago I was dating this white girl. About 6 1/2 to 7 face when made up properly, and an 8 (American Standard) body. Actually, we lived together for 18 months of the 2 years we were together. Anyway, She had various anger problems, (Anger even members of her family have born the brunt of) that or course manifested itself in very disrespectful behavior and words. A general lack of appreciation and the famous American Woman -'I'm soooo into you for the first two months, but then I lose interest because I'm bored, you won't put up with my disrespect, or you aren't doing exactly like the guys on TV!' -syndrome. As many of you guys are familiar with, I did nice things for her that made even my mother jealous! I would send her for spa treatments, Vegas trips with the girls, etc. While or course she would act happy at the time, clearly there was a lack of appreciation, since she was always easily irritated, held onto grudges, angry, etc. Since I've never been entirely Beta, I would stike back with equal fury, which in hindsight, I realize wasn't a good idea, and simply leaving her would've been more manly and effective. Our arguing eventually led to her cheating on me. I of course broke up with her, and haven't gone back.

Now, It should be said that admist this arguing and anger, there were times of extreme bliss, friendship and sexual fantasy on a level Hugh Hefner would've been proud of! That being said, even though I don't think she makes for a good girlfriend, she would've made an execellent 'friend with benefits'! Actually, we even discussed during our relationship and both agreed that we should've just kept it sexual, and friendly

Lately, (Actually, it never quite stopped) she has been contacting to discuss issues that pertain to a car we purchased in both of our names. (I know, bad mistake.) However, sometimes these topics are unnecessary, (Stuff she can handle herself) or could be addressed to me thru e-mail, or even text. It should be mentioned that I've asked her never speak to me again, since I don't like the disrespectful tone it ends up taking, especially discussing business. Also, no need to call me at 11pm to discuss it. This has led me to believe that she is sometimes contacting me to talk, but using these other issues as an excuse. With that being said, I have been pondering the idea of utilizing her as a 'friend with benefits'. What do you think?

My only issues is that for 1, I still have some feelings for her, but after 2 years I think I have them under enough control to keep things casual, not worry who else she's dating, etc. Can't pretend it wouldn't sting at all, but the mindset I've developed over the last 2 years I feel would keep me viewing it as just fun and sex, as it's supposed to be. My other issue, and this might be ego talking is, I feel a certain distaste in rewarding a girl who cheated on me. Movies, dinner, etc for a girl who wasn't faithful seems like you're rewarding bad behavior, even if you are getting sex. In fact, I sort of consider just giving her good sex as a form of reward! The idea of that kinda bother me. However, in reality she would make a great occassional sex partner. And of course there's the real possibility that she won't go for it! What do you guys think?
(This post was last modified: 07-14-2011 02:09 PM by Urban Renaissance Man.)
07-14-2011 01:54 PM
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pLAY3r_unD3rcov3r Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
Do you have chicks to bang right now? Feelings for ex would crop in when you ain't getting enough. If .you don't. Get her. If you do. Still get her. What matter's is she's gonna be a good lay as you already know. So what, if she cheated on someone. *"Lames catch feelings". Be a player. She knows you got game. Don't let her catch you with that. It's dangerous and you don't want no more fights. Keep upgrading your game. If you are training hard and delivering, I don't see anything wrong in sleeping with her if she's high on your scale. You wouldn't get into a relationship, I can make out.
07-14-2011 02:41 PM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-14-2011 02:41 PM)pLAY3r_unD3rcov3r Wrote:  Do you have chicks to bang right now? Feelings for ex would crop in when you ain't getting enough.

Funny you should ask that... That was once of my prerequisites for ever going out with her again. I had to make sure I had some other quality females on the team before experimenting with that. I did not want to rekindle feelings into a forest fire, nor did I want to have my ex as my only sexual alternative.
07-14-2011 03:37 PM
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CJ Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-14-2011 01:54 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  I would send her for spa treatments

Spa treatments? I feel like you're trying to say another word? Did you send her for spaghetti treatments?

See the problem here is you rewarded the bad behaviors with trips and gifts, etc. You need to ignore the animal, let it know that you do do not care what it is doing, or how loud its temper tantrum is. You must let it see that you are dom-i-nant, and it is lucky to just be in the room with you.


Ok all jokes aside (bonus points if you can name both those shows), I think she's calling at 11pm just to keep tabs on you, or worse - cockblock you. To me she sounds like the classic, spoiled brat, and she wants to control everything; that includes knowing if you're with another chick late at night.

You broke up two years ago? That seems like enough time, but in this case I'd advise passing on turning her into a fuck buddy. You can do that with another girl that you have no history with, have never been emotionally connected to, and more importantly aren't in any contract with.

You're saying all the right things now, and I don't doubt that you'd be able to stand your ground, but I've heard that same mentality from other guys that faltered after their ex was back in their bed. I guess some girls just have a magic brainwashing vagina.

Ultimately, if in the back of your mind, you know you're going to be wondering if she's banging anyone else, then I wouldn't move on this. If you really couldn't care less who she bangs, and you have your heart set on doing this, then at least set up some ground rules with yourself. Don't tell her these rules because she'll just be that much more gungho to break them:

1. No dates, IE - no movies, no dinners, no trips, nothing, unless it's her taking a trip to your couch for a dinner of pizza and beer, while watching a movie you picked out.

2. No set schedule. That means, she doesn't get to bang you every Tuesday and Friday. You bang when you feel like it, or not at all. Yes this might mean you're stuck waxing your carrot some nights, but you must condition her.

3. Tying in with 2, don't see her too often. Don't be overly available to her, or else you're basically back in a relationship.

4. Make sure you're banging other women, and really trying to pick up other girls. If you're out at the bar and not worried about picking up a girl, because you've got a safety net in your ex, then you're doing your game no favors. You seem to indicate this with your forest fires post, but MAKE SURE you follow through at all times.

5. If it starts to feel like work or starts to feel like a relationship, cut all possible ties. The car thing makes it tricky, but you must get rid of her if she's starting to weasel her way back in.
07-14-2011 11:45 PM
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OGNorCal707 Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
Man, I can relate to your experience in a lot of ways. This girl sounds like a true bitch, with possibly some psychological/emotional issues, (borderline personality disorder?), maybe I'm reaching on that, but she definitely sounds like someone you don't want to get too involved with.

My ex-GF was super charming, fun, sexual, seductive, and intoxicating, but she was also extremely immature, self-centered, manipulative, vindictive, and a pathological liar.

Like you, I also was exceedingly nice and generous with her, and she just acted like an unappreciative, self-entitled, spoiled, little bitch. But, she was extremely wild and giving sexually, I'm talking deep throating my dick and fucking whenever I wanted, anal, plus loads of other freaky stuff. She was the best lay by far that I've ever had, and possibly ever will have... But, she was also a psycho bitch, that manipulated me, used me, fucked me over, and walked away like nothing.

I don't want to turn this into a personal rant or unnecessarily compare our situations, but I do see similarities. I could have continued to see her, fuck her, and have it not be a serious relationship, but that would have meant totally sacrificing all self respect, which I had already done way too much of during the relationship. Sure, I got amazing sexual gratification from her, but I couldn't rationalize seeing her after she burned me so badly.

As far as your situation, I don't know how effectively your ex cast her "spell" on you, but I know for me, it would be hard not to get caught up in old emotions, with all the sex, and past history that you have. Women, are masters at manipulation, playing mind games, etc., to get us jealous, angry, etc.

This chick sounds like she's trying to weasel her way back into your life. If I were you I would avoid getting involved with her, unless you don't have any more entanglements (car issue ?), maybe I would consider hitting it and quitting it, to give her a taste of her own medicine. If you were to continue to see her, even on more of a FWB situation, it would be like surrendering your power, and bowing to the pussy. You'd be giving her a free pass for all the fucked up shit she did to you (or at least the stuff you know about, bc/ there was probably way more), and from experience I think we all know, that if you give a girl an inch, she will take a mile.
07-15-2011 12:06 AM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-14-2011 11:45 PM)CJ Wrote:  
(07-14-2011 01:54 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  I would send her for spa treatments

Spa treatments? I feel like you're trying to say another word? Did you send her for spaghetti treatments?

See the problem here is you rewarded the bad behaviors with trips and gifts, etc. You need to ignore the animal, let it know that you do do not care what it is doing, or how loud its temper tantrum is. You must let it see that you are dom-i-nant, and it is lucky to just be in the room with you.


Ok all jokes aside (bonus points if you can name both those shows), I think she's calling at 11pm just to keep tabs on you, or worse - cockblock you. To me she sounds like the classic, spoiled brat, and she wants to control everything; that includes knowing if you're with another chick late at night.

You broke up two years ago? That seems like enough time, but in this case I'd advise passing on turning her into a fuck buddy. You can do that with another girl that you have no history with, have never been emotionally connected to, and more importantly aren't in any contract with.

You're saying all the right things now, and I don't doubt that you'd be able to stand your ground, but I've heard that same mentality from other guys that faltered after their ex was back in their bed. I guess some girls just have a magic brainwashing vagina.

Ultimately, if in the back of your mind, you know you're going to be wondering if she's banging anyone else, then I wouldn't move on this. If you really couldn't care less who she bangs, and you have your heart set on doing this, then at least set up some ground rules with yourself. Don't tell her these rules because she'll just be that much more gungho to break them:

1. No dates, IE - no movies, no dinners, no trips, nothing, unless it's her taking a trip to your couch for a dinner of pizza and beer, while watching a movie you picked out.

2. No set schedule. That means, she doesn't get to bang you every Tuesday and Friday. You bang when you feel like it, or not at all. Yes this might mean you're stuck waxing your carrot some nights, but you must condition her.

3. Tying in with 2, don't see her too often. Don't be overly available to her, or else you're basically back in a relationship.

4. Make sure you're banging other women, and really trying to pick up other girls. If you're out at the bar and not worried about picking up a girl, because you've got a safety net in your ex, then you're doing your game no favors. You seem to indicate this with your forest fires post, but MAKE SURE you follow through at all times.

5. If it starts to feel like work or starts to feel like a relationship, cut all possible ties. The car thing makes it tricky, but you must get rid of her if she's starting to weasel her way back in.

Thanks for the great advice! To be honest I don't always see the game's a girl is playing. I tend to take people at face value. Plus I always try to be somewhat humble and not jump to any conclusions simply because it might make my ego feel better. The thought that she was possibly calling that late to keeps tabs or even cock block did actually crossed my mind. But I rationalized that since this isn't something she does every night or even every two weeks, that calling to check on me might be a little far fetched and maybe she actually just couldn't sleep that night and in her mind thought the issue was pressing enough to call at 11:30 pm. I just don't understand the tricks, so I don't believe they're playing tricks at first. I mean, if you want someone back or you want to be in their life in some way, why not just say so? Also, when I finally do break down and start speaking to her, if she were missing me so much or so interested to cock block me that she's playing silly phone games, why isn't my phone ringing off the hook with her calls now that I've finally agreed to start talking to her? It's the hot n cold that makes me think it's just my ego talking, wanting to believe she's keeping tabs on me. However, as I rationalize I see how irrational that is. Lol. I can't think of 1 valid reason that doesn't somehow involve some sort romantic manipulation That would cause a person to call their ex at 11:30 at night to discuss car tags that have never been late and aren't due for another month.

No, you read right, I said "spa treatments!" I've always been a spoiler when it comed to women. I rather enjoy 'the idea' of my girl feeling like a princess. I just have never found 1 that actually was appreciative of it. When I say "appreciative", I don't mean just jumping up and down happy and giving me a big hug and some sex. I'm talking about the appreciation that actually affects how she treats me in general. A girl who says to herself, " Despite a flaw here and there, this man treats me like a princess! I'm lucky to have him." Never have I found this woman! She was no exception. Quite honestly, she always acted from what amazed that I would do these things for her. Not in a demonstrative way, but it was just something in the eyes that I could tell she had never received this type of treatment before. Aside from the fact that she said as much a time or two. I don't want to paint her as a monster, because like I said she tried to show appreciation but being easily irritated and angry all the time got in the way. Plus, it was always that unspoken, sometimes barely perceptible attitude that she just wasn't happy with me or wished she had chosen differently. This was a specially frustrating to me because she was the 1 who pressured us into getting into a relationship in the first place, telling me she was gonna look elsewhere if I didn't finally ask her to be my girl. She ended up dating the guy she cheated on me with. Funny thing, three months into their relationship, she called me up crying, I got weak and met up with her a few days later and hit it all night! But it was too soon, and my feelings for still too strong. I asked to reconcile and she said she needed more time to think! I was done at that point and never spoke to her again until the other night. That was over a year ago.

I do want to hit that ass! I'm thinking a couple of times a month, since I no longer live close to her. However, the thought of her being able to say to herself, "Ha! After cheating on him and screwing him over, he still wants me!" drives me crazy! I do think subsequent visits I could go over with the pack of beer and a pizza and hit it but the very first visit will have to be a nice date, because that's what she's come to expect!
07-17-2011 11:13 AM
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dk902 Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
Damn dude, after reading what you wrote you should just completely forget this girl altogether and go get yourself a new one.

You have a serious case of pedestalization my friend, I think that needs to be addressed more than anything else.

"No, you read right, I said "spa treatments!" I've always been a spoiler when it comed to women. I rather enjoy 'the idea' of my girl feeling like a princess. I just have never found 1 that actually was appreciative of it."

Well you answered your own question, the more you spoil them the more they will despise you.

"I do think subsequent visits I could go over with the pack of beer and a pizza and hit it but the very first visit will have to be a nice date, because that's what she's come to expect!"

Who gives a fuck what she expects or any other girl for that matter?
07-17-2011 11:25 AM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-17-2011 11:25 AM)dk902 Wrote:  Damn dude, after reading what you wrote you should just completely forget this girl altogether and go get yourself a new one.

You have a serious case of pedestalization my friend, I think that needs to be addressed more than anything else.

"No, you read right, I said "spa treatments!" I've always been a spoiler when it comed to women. I rather enjoy 'the idea' of my girl feeling like a princess. I just have never found 1 that actually was appreciative of it."

Well you answered your own question, the more you spoil them the more they will despise you.

"I do think subsequent visits I could go over with the pack of beer and a pizza and hit it but the very first visit will have to be a nice date, because that's what she's come to expect!"

Who gives a fuck what she expects or any other girl for that matter?

Maybe you're not reading me correctly ... I am aware I put her on a pedestal, I am aware it was incorrect to do so, and I am aware it was at the root of probably at least 30% of my problems with her! However, idea what I did And those are the facts. I have no intentions on repeating those mistakes because I have no intentions on ever dating her again. But I wanted to lay the facts out to all the fellas on here to see if was possible and a practical to turn her into a friend with benefits. I'm not going to hide facts or downplay the truth simply because its embarrassing. How can anyone give me solid advice with out knowing the truth? My original post was of past performance, not of future plans.
07-17-2011 06:15 PM
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Roosh Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
Forget her forever.

Roosh
http://www.rooshv.com
07-17-2011 06:55 PM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-17-2011 06:55 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Forget her forever.

Lol. Simply put. I agree.
07-18-2011 11:33 AM
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ottoemezzo Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-18-2011 11:33 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-17-2011 06:55 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Forget her forever.

Lol. Simply put. I agree.

Exactly. Been there, the temptation messes up your thinking. Bear in mind that any sex with her at this point (framed whatever way you want) validates her attractiveness/sexual skills in her mind.
07-18-2011 11:50 AM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-18-2011 11:50 AM)ottoemezzo Wrote:  
(07-18-2011 11:33 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-17-2011 06:55 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Forget her forever.

Lol. Simply put. I agree.

Exactly. Been there, the temptation messes up your thinking. Bear in mind that any sex with her at this point (framed whatever way you want) validates her attractiveness/sexual skills in her mind.

But is that necessarily a bad thing? I mean, as long as I'm getting what I want, who cares if it makes her feel she's pretty?
07-18-2011 11:55 AM
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ottoemezzo Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
You should forget her for your sake, that's clear. What I said, apart from being generally true, was in case that the thought of validating her helped you stay clear. If it doesn't then no, it's irrelevant.
C'mon, I know you know what you've got to do.
07-18-2011 12:18 PM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-18-2011 12:18 PM)ottoemezzo Wrote:  You should forget her for your sake, that's clear. What I said, apart from being generally true, was in case that the thought of validating her helped you stay clear. If it doesn't then no, it's irrelevant.
C'mon, I know you know what you've got to do.

I get what you're saying. I definitely agree. She kinda came out of no where, so it was a tempting thought.
07-18-2011 12:49 PM
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OGNorCal707 Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-18-2011 11:55 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-18-2011 11:50 AM)ottoemezzo Wrote:  
(07-18-2011 11:33 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-17-2011 06:55 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Forget her forever.

Lol. Simply put. I agree.

Exactly. Been there, the temptation messes up your thinking. Bear in mind that any sex with her at this point (framed whatever way you want) validates her attractiveness/sexual skills in her mind.

But is that necessarily a bad thing? I mean, as long as I'm getting what I want, who cares if it makes her feel she's pretty?



Trust me, she'll find a way to manipulate you again. Whether that's convincing you that she's "changed" and that she's realized how wrong she was in the past and how much she truly "loves" you. Or, she could engage in what I call "subtle psychological sabotage", where she subtly makes comments, remarks, or talks about other guys, etc., to make you feel jealous, angry, insecure, etc. Like I've said women can be masters at manipulation.

Personally, the sex with my ex-GF was so amazing, that I got hooked on it, like a drug. I will admit, personally, that it would be easy for me to get sucked into and hooked on it again, maybe you're different. But, taking that chance would kind of be like rolling the dice.

When you're going through a dry spell, the thought of smashing that fantastic pussy so easily, is like a mirage off in the distant desert. Not to say that it doesn't exist, but it's often too good to be true, or it comes along with a bunch of negative repercussions.

I think Roosh, got it right. He knows better than us. It's all inner game shit, if the girl disrespects you, than either she's done, or your done. Either you got the inner strength to tell her to fuck off, or you bow to the "power of the pussy", and you concede to the allure of her looks and vagina.

Just my 2 cents, and I think this is a good thread topic BTW... because it applies to a lot of guys.
07-18-2011 12:49 PM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-18-2011 12:49 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  
(07-18-2011 11:55 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-18-2011 11:50 AM)ottoemezzo Wrote:  
(07-18-2011 11:33 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-17-2011 06:55 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Forget her forever.

Lol. Simply put. I agree.

Exactly. Been there, the temptation messes up your thinking. Bear in mind that any sex with her at this point (framed whatever way you want) validates her attractiveness/sexual skills in her mind.

But is that necessarily a bad thing? I mean, as long as I'm getting what I want, who cares if it makes her feel she's pretty?



Trust me, she'll find a way to manipulate you again. Whether that's convincing you that she's "changed" and that she's realized how wrong she was in the past and how much she truly "loves" you. Or, she could engage in what I call "subtle psychological sabotage", where she subtly makes comments, remarks, or talks about other guys, etc., to make you feel jealous, angry, insecure, etc. Like I've said women can be masters at manipulation.

Personally, the sex with my ex-GF was so amazing, that I got hooked on it, like a drug. I will admit, personally, that it would be easy for me to get sucked into and hooked on it again, maybe you're different. But, taking that chance would kind of be like rolling the dice.

When you're going through a dry spell, the thought of smashing that fantastic pussy so easily, is like a mirage off in the distant desert. Not to say that it doesn't exist, but it's often too good to be true, or it comes along with a bunch of negative repercussions.

I think Roosh, got it right. He knows better than us. It's all inner game shit, if the girl disrespects you, than either she's done, or your done. Either you got the inner strength to tell her to fuck off, or you bow to the "power of the pussy", and you concede to the allure of her looks and vagina.

Just my 2 cents, and I think this is a good thread topic BTW... because it applies to a lot of guys.

I agree. I was very into her at one point and it was primarily because of her sex, as she overall wasn't the most pleasant person to be around 40% of the time! But there's nothing like having sex with someone that you alreadyhave a closness and familiarity to, already knows your likes and dislikes and you know hers. Double if she's on the hot side. COmbine that with a drought, and the idea of hooking back up with her for some fun definitely has an appeal. However, I really don't feel like dealing with the inevitable disrespect that's sure to come with it. And then there's always the possibility of wanting her back and her sensing that and using that to hurt you. Lastly, and this is something that a of guys don't consider since we always assume the girl will not really want us back or she'll play games... What if she's cooperative (Temporarily) and you do end up getting her back??? Do you really want to re-enter that nightmare now that you're finally out of it and on the road to recovery, waste 2 more years, spend more money, help some girl raise her kid and she doesn't even appreciate it, etc.?? I've been telling myself all of these things.
07-18-2011 01:36 PM
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CJ Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-17-2011 11:13 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  
(07-14-2011 11:45 PM)CJ Wrote:  
(07-14-2011 01:54 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  I would send her for spa treatments

Spa treatments? I feel like you're trying to say another word? Did you send her for spaghetti treatments?

No, you read right, I said "spa treatments!"

The Spaghetti thing is from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And the other thing was obviously from Caesar, the Dog Whisperer.

Truth be told, a lot of things that Caesar says and does to the dogs, can be applied to your typical American woman.

Anyway, after reading your other posts, I'd strongly advise moving on. Having the car as a link is bad enough, and you should try to get that put solely in her name.
07-18-2011 01:58 PM
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Paideia Offline
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RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
Urban, didn't you already ask this a while back?

No offense - but seriously, do a search on ex-gf threads in here. How many of those guys you think got the girl back?

Stop lol'ing and accept reality. Be a man.

You are still totally smitten with this girl. I didn't even READ your post because simply by asking you've told us all we need to know.

Accept reality, accept you fucked up, and accept she'll NEVER come back to you, not for ANY reason, not even if you were the last cock on the planet. How do I know for sure? I've BEEN there.

Find a girl you can stand, same status as your ex, and blow your load in her a few times, sans rubber - remember to snuggle afterwards. The hormonal release after a few times should be enough to bond you to her, then you can forget your ex. Celebrate by dumping the new girl. Then keep her as a fuck-buddy.
(This post was last modified: 07-19-2011 10:31 AM by Paideia.)
07-19-2011 10:29 AM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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Post: #19
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-19-2011 10:29 AM)Paideia Wrote:  Urban, didn't you already ask this a while back?

No offense - but seriously, do a search on ex-gf threads in here. How many of those guys you think got the girl back?

Stop lol'ing and accept reality. Be a man.

You are still totally smitten with this girl. I didn't even READ your post because simply by asking you've told us all we need to know.

Accept reality, accept you fucked up, and accept she'll NEVER come back to you, not for ANY reason, not even if you were the last cock on the planet. How do I know for sure? I've BEEN there.

Find a girl you can stand, same status as your ex, and blow your load in her a few times, sans rubber - remember to snuggle afterwards. The hormonal release after a few times should be enough to bond you to her, then you can forget your ex. Celebrate by dumping the new girl. Then keep her as a fuck-buddy.

The male ego is really something else. There is always some guy on here who enjoys putting another guy down for the mistakes he's made, even though they've made the exact same mistakes, and sometimes worse!

First of all, I don't recall ever asking this question, though I do not deny that I still have feeling for her. If I didn't like her at all, I probably wouldn't want her for a FwB. On the other hand, I felt at the time I wrote this post that I was in enough control of my emotions that I could handle that type of situation with her. I have been told by experienced guys on here that it's not a good idea, and I agree. I would rather bring the issue to this forum and get advice from the fellas, rather than going off and actually making a mistake and regretting the consequences. I honestly thought that's what this forum was partly about. macks helping macks, men helping men. We all know that in recent years, the 'love game' is rather stacked against the American male, even just by virtue of how we've been brought up to 'be nice' to women. It's nice having some guys who you can bounce ideas and tactics off of. I I know abuot this forum a couple of years ago, I would be in a more drivers seat position with several girls.

Secondly, I don't know about your life, but I can tell you point blank that EVERY ex girlfriend I've ever had has tried to get back with me at some point, or has accepted my advances when I've offered them. (Not that that's necessarily a good thing) So, if your ex decided you were such a loser that she never, ever wanted to have anything to do with you again, even if you were "the last cock on earth", then I'm sorry about your bad luck. That has never been my experience. The reason why I wrote this thread in the first place is because my ex is doing things that lead me to believe that she wants to deal with me again, at least on some level. (Again, not that that's necessarily a good thing.) Now, whether or not I SHOULD deal with her again is a different stroy. The general concensus is "No!" I happen to agree since even if I'm successful in hitting it, I'll probably never be in the drivers seat position that I once was, which will ultimately frustrate me. Plus, if you know the girl is basically no good, it's logical to just move on, even if you do crave her sex from time to time.

As far as how many guys on here have gotten their ex girl back....I feel most guys (except you) have been 'successful' in getting an ex back. The question is, was it worth is? Every time I've gotten an ex back, I ended up disliking her more than I did the first time, and her me!
07-19-2011 12:49 PM
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Moma Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
I've been sexing an ex on and off. Things kind of 'fell' back in place, she ended up at my place to 'help' me with something which was the perfect prextext she needed. I had requested her help several months ago but since she was fondling another penis at the time, she kept fobbing me off but kept me as the proverbial 'dyck on ice'.
Time to get the dyck out of the cooler and she cashed in the favour I asked of her.

Needless to say, around 11pm, I had my hands around her waist, digging out her spine.

How have things been since? Was it worth it? Yea, for the sexual rewards as I mature new prospects. I find lizards prefer to have sex with familiars. They know the score and if I don't meet their requests, they will tend to just drop it and keep me as dycks on ice. For the psychos, it's best not to even entertain them..period.

Generally speaking, I keep it light because now with the actualisation of game, I am realising which lizards play games, and the types of game they play and I am categorising them accordingly.

OUR NEW BLOG!

http://repstylez.com

My NEW TRAVEL E-BOOK - DOMINICAN REPUBLIC - A RED CARPET AFFAIR

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Love 'em or leave 'em but we can't live without lizardsssss..

An Ode To Lizards
07-19-2011 01:06 PM
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jariel Offline
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Post: #21
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
I only fuck with "old flames" when they're just passing through town.

There's always a reason they became an old flame in the first place, and that reason is never really going to change.

I've also noticed that most of the time when people ask for advice as to their way of thinking, plan of action, whatever you want to call it, what they really want is for you to co-sign whatever bullshit they're talking about.

Furthermore, some people have this rebellious, feminine energy in them where telling them to do the opposite of what they should do, makes them want to indulge their stupidity even more.
07-19-2011 04:00 PM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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Post: #22
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-19-2011 04:00 PM)jariel Wrote:  I only fuck with "old flames" when they're just passing through town.

There's always a reason they became an old flame in the first place, and that reason is never really going to change.

I've also noticed that most of the time when people ask for advice as to their way of thinking, plan of action, whatever you want to call it, what they really want is for you to co-sign whatever bullshit they're talking about.

Furthermore, some people have this rebellious, feminine energy in them where telling them to do the opposite of what they should do, makes them want to indulge their stupidity even more.

Well, I'm not sure who these "people" are that you're referring to, but I have every intention on following the good advice I've received here. And contrary to your belief that I was hoping to get someone to co-sign my bullshit. In fact, since most people deep down usually already know the right answer to whatever advice their seeking, I was actually hoping that most of the fellas would agree with my conscience, which was telling me NOT to get back in touch her.

I happen to be one of those guys that tend to go to the extreme the other way. I've broken up with girls for not telling an advancing guy fast enough that she has a man. I have hung up on girls that have told me they were "unsure" of their feelings for me, and have literally gone years without answering their calls and text messages. A part of me feels that this extreme way of dealing with them has caused me to miss out on some possibilities with girls that might have simply need a little more coaxing. I'm either too soft or way too hard I feel. I was hoping to get some balanced advice from people on here more experienced than me. I feel I've gotten that and I intend to follow it.
07-19-2011 04:23 PM
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Thorne Offline
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Post: #23
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
I think I can understand where you're coming from to some extent. That part that's also male-ego-driven where you want to prove to yourself that you can handle her this time around, a sorta "rematch" because you feel better equiped to be able to make the closure on your own terms and regain your pride. To demystify her once you feel you regained control and confirm what your conscience was telling you (which is you don't belong together), so she appears to be less powerful because it was you calling the shots, and not her moodyness and selfishness when she decided it was time to end things.

I did it once a few years ago, and it did work. She dumped me the first time and the second time it was me who did it (not out of revenge, but out of being able to see the things as they truly were and finish the process at my own pace). I managed to disenchant myself. So it was the best way to truly finish that affair to my advantage. Had we not gotten back together for the second time, I think I'd still be pedestalysing her more than she deserved.

That was a few years ago and I've lately sometimes felt tempted to do it again with my last LTR (which I have to say was much more intense the one I mentioned first) but I agree with the guys saying that's really hard to be objective enough to know whether you will be able to control it, or if your mind is playing tricks on you to have that amazing sex your body craves so. (like when you don't wanna wake up and your mind puts the alarm sound inside your dream so you justify sleeping more).

So it's tricky dude, proceed with caution and whatever you do try to be mercylessly objective and brutally honest with yourself.
(This post was last modified: 07-19-2011 08:25 PM by Thorne.)
07-19-2011 08:24 PM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
(07-19-2011 08:24 PM)Thorne Wrote:  I think I can understand where you're coming from to some extent. That part that's also male-ego-driven where you want to prove to yourself that you can handle her this time around, a sorta "rematch" because you feel better equiped to be able to make the closure on your own terms and regain your pride. To demystify her once you feel you regained control and confirm what your conscience was telling you (which is you don't belong together), so she appears to be less powerful because it was you calling the shots, and not her moodyness and selfishness when she decided it was time to end things.

I did it once a few years ago, and it did work. She dumped me the first time and the second time it was me who did it (not out of revenge, but out of being able to see the things as they truly were and finish the process at my own pace). I managed to disenchant myself. So it was the best way to truly finish that affair to my advantage. Had we not gotten back together for the second time, I think I'd still be pedestalysing her more than she deserved.

That was a few years ago and I've lately sometimes felt tempted to do it again with my last LTR (which I have to say was much more intense the one I mentioned first) but I agree with the guys saying that's really hard to be objective enough to know whether you will be able to control it, or if your mind is playing tricks on you to have that amazing sex your body craves so. (like when you don't wanna wake up and your mind puts the alarm sound inside your dream so you justify sleeping more).

So it's tricky dude, proceed with caution and whatever you do try to be mercylessly objective and brutally honest with yourself.

Dude, I really appreciate this post. You pretty much summed up exactly how I feel. The truth is, she and I were having problems long before the cheating began. It was the moodiness/anger that caused me to regret ever meeting her, long before any infidelity. However, along with the sex, I wish I could have a chance to deal with her, not in a relationship, but on a more friendship level where I'm putting her in check more, or just flat out ignoring her moods and complaints, and enjoying just the fun parts. There's also a part of me that thinks she and I would generally have more fun if the pressure of a committed relationship wasn't there. Like I said, she's a blast at parties, while drinking and when in a good mood. If I only see her during those times, and keep conversations light, it would be pretty much fun times anytime I see her.

Still, with all the above in mind, the way to show ultimate strength is simply to walk away from a situation that wasn't right. To try and go back, just for some sort of revenge still shows a weakness and an over importance on proving something to her. In all honesty, she just shouldn't matter that much. Plus, you really are taking a chance revisiting a girl that you obviously miss and still have some feelings for. It's just too risky. Lastly, I honestly belive that disrespectful girls never change once they've become accustomed to disrespecting you. Partly because they've lost too much respect for you and partly because they aren't very respectful by nature. And disrespect can lead to more than just cheating. It can also be dangerous. It's not far fetched to think a disrespectful women could actually set you up to be robbed, beat up, etc. Not to mention the many times guys just standing there has had the police called on him and accused of domestic violence! It's hard, but some girls you should've never messed with in the first place, and it's doubly crazy to go back for a second does.
07-20-2011 12:20 AM
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ANACONDA Offline
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Post: #25
RE: Can You Turn An EX Into A Freind With Benefits And Still Maintain Dignity?
once i dump a girl....i never take her back...no matter wat.

(unless my dick demands for her high enough)
07-20-2011 02:13 AM
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