Post: #26

(07-20-2011 12:20 AM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  

(07-19-2011 08:24 PM)Thorne Wrote:  I think I can understand where you're coming from to some extent. That part that's also male-ego-driven where you want to prove to yourself that you can handle her this time around, a sorta "rematch" because you feel better equiped to be able to make the closure on your own terms and regain your pride. To demystify her once you feel you regained control and confirm what your conscience was telling you (which is you don't belong together), so she appears to be less powerful because it was you calling the shots, and not her moodyness and selfishness when she decided it was time to end things.

I did it once a few years ago, and it did work. She dumped me the first time and the second time it was me who did it (not out of revenge, but out of being able to see the things as they truly were and finish the process at my own pace). I managed to disenchant myself. So it was the best way to truly finish that affair to my advantage. Had we not gotten back together for the second time, I think I'd still be pedestalysing her more than she deserved.

That was a few years ago and I've lately sometimes felt tempted to do it again with my last LTR (which I have to say was much more intense the one I mentioned first) but I agree with the guys saying that's really hard to be objective enough to know whether you will be able to control it, or if your mind is playing tricks on you to have that amazing sex your body craves so. (like when you don't wanna wake up and your mind puts the alarm sound inside your dream so you justify sleeping more).

So it's tricky dude, proceed with caution and whatever you do try to be mercylessly objective and brutally honest with yourself.

Dude, I really appreciate this post. You pretty much summed up exactly how I feel. The truth is, she and I were having problems long before the cheating began. It was the moodiness/anger that caused me to regret ever meeting her, long before any infidelity. However, along with the sex, I wish I could have a chance to deal with her, not in a relationship, but on a more friendship level where I'm putting her in check more, or just flat out ignoring her moods and complaints, and enjoying just the fun parts. There's also a part of me that thinks she and I would generally have more fun if the pressure of a committed relationship wasn't there. Like I said, she's a blast at parties, while drinking and when in a good mood. If I only see her during those times, and keep conversations light, it would be pretty much fun times anytime I see her.

Still, with all the above in mind, the way to show ultimate strength is simply to walk away from a situation that wasn't right. To try and go back, just for some sort of revenge still shows a weakness and an over importance on proving something to her. In all honesty, she just shouldn't matter that much. Plus, you really are taking a chance revisiting a girl that you obviously miss and still have some feelings for. It's just too risky. Lastly, I honestly belive that disrespectful girls never change once they've become accustomed to disrespecting you. Partly because they've lost too much respect for you and partly because they aren't very respectful by nature. And disrespect can lead to more than just cheating. It can also be dangerous. It's not far fetched to think a disrespectful women could actually set you up to be robbed, beat up, etc. Not to mention the many times guys just standing there has had the police called on him and accused of domestic violence! It's hard, but some girls you should've never messed with in the first place, and it's doubly crazy to go back for a second does.

Dude, I hope you're not black .....pedestalizing some white ho like that.

If so, you need to hand in your membership card right now. I know your type. That chick is not a 7 or 8. She more like a 5 at best. She's the type that white dudes use a cum dump but black and asian dudes with complexes put on a pedestal.

...to answer your question, can exes become friends with benefits......YES...that the whole point of exes. Just remebr to cool things off as soon as "feelings" catch on again. rinse and repeat.

Post: #27

(07-20-2011 08:18 PM)kdolo Wrote:  Dude, I hope you're not black .....pedestalizing some white ho like that.

If so, you need to hand in your membership card right now. I know your type. That chick is not a 7 or 8. She more like a 5 at best. She's the type that white dudes use a cum dump but black and asian dudes with complexes put on a pedestal.

...to answer your question, can exes become friends with benefits......YES...that the whole point of exes. Just remebr to cool things off as soon as "feelings" catch on again. rinse and repeat.

There's always someone who has to go there...

Dude, first of all, I've never dated a "5" in my life! I don't know the ghetto blacks whom you must hang out with and possible are one of, that find white women rare and exotic, but I have always lived among whites and have always dated white women. (Along with every other race) I do not find them special, exotic, etc., since I've always had access to them. I've treated women good in the past because I felt and was taught that was the right thing to do! It didn't matter her race or color, if she was my girlfriend I treated her like my princess. I honestly wish I could actually meet a girl who could deal with that type of treatment and respect it for the gift it is, rather than see it as some form of weakness, but I know the likelihood of that is remote, so I'll try to keep it 'playa' from now on.

As far as my ex being someone that I pedestalize, while other guys just pump and dump. I don't doubt that I fell in love with her, while there have been guys before me and since that have only seen her as a booty call. However, the same can be said for EVERY other woman on the planet Earth! There is a guy someplace that views your ma'ma as someone just to hit and quit, so what you sayin'?

I really hope keyboard playas like yourself don't discourage other guys on this board from telling their story, (truthfully) so that we can continue to learn from their success and mistakes. I know I've made mistakes in the game! However, I'm trying to make sure I don't make anymore, or at least minimize them.