Post: #1

While dipping my feet back into night game in the New England area, I've run into a few girls who have waited enormously long periods of time to drop the "oh my boyfriend..." reveal during conversation.

I spent a good 25 minutes chatting up a woman outside a club a few weeks ago, and when I was about to go for the number she says "Well yeah! Great talking with you! My boyfriend's band is coming on next and..."





What takes the prize, however, is the woman whom I opened the other night, who I kissed at the club, who texted me the next morning asking if I got home safe, who sent me a few flirty texts back and forth over the next few days, who I attempted to set up a day 2 with on the next weekend, who then attempted to flake on me by claiming the usual "really busy with work", and then when I pressed forward not giving a shit replied after a few hours "um. well. I'm not sure if I told you the other night but I'm married. we're happily married we're just are allowed to go out on our own sometimes."





Is there any way to avoid this in the future? I wish...

Post: #2

(12-06-2015 04:45 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Is there any way to avoid this in the future?

No

That's assuming they're telling the truth. It's a numbers game.
If they're bringing it up as a way to tell you they're no longer attracted to you... that's a different story.

Post: #3

HB10: "Oh did I mention I have a boyfriend/husband?"
1026: Yeah, you did. Like 5 seconds ago"
*continues to plough ahead*

Post: #4

(12-06-2015 04:53 AM)FireStarter Wrote:  

(12-06-2015 04:45 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Is there any way to avoid this in the future?

No

That's assuming they're telling the truth. It's a numbers game.
If they're bringing it up as a way to tell you they're no longer attracted to you... that's a different story.

Yup, the latter thought did occur to me. It seems like a weird way to bail out, however, if it's not the truth.

I mean, you could just stop returning texts. That's what everyone else does.

Amazingly enough, after all that shit the girl who told me she was married sent a follow-up text: "So, are you going to be at XXXX club again next week?"

WTF.

I'm assuming she's just a severe attention whore who has become dissatisfied with "likes" online and has decided to take it to the next level - pretending to be single and leading guys on. Despite all the risks that entails from men who are not game-aware.

Action to be taken if I see her again: ignore

Post: #5

^ It sounds to me like she is going back and forth on whether she wants to cheat or not.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #6

I don't disagree on the attention-whore verdict.

But I wouldn't assume she's leading guys on. I'd be very surprised if she hasn't cheated on her husband multiple times.

Post: #7

(12-06-2015 05:36 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  ^ It sounds to me like she is going back and forth on whether she wants to cheat or not.

Perhaps. I didn't get upset with her (since she's apparently a reg at this club I want to keep hitting from time to time and I don't know who she knows), I just texted her "Thanks for letting me know. Guess this is where you and I part ways."

Too many single chicks out there to fuck around with a "6" of indeterminate relationship status.

Post: #8

(12-06-2015 05:39 AM)FireStarter Wrote:  I don't disagree on the attention-whore verdict.

But I wouldn't assume she's leading guys on. I'd be very surprised if she hasn't cheated on her husband multiple times.

Yeah, she a ho. But if she's a reg at this club, I don't mind being casually acquainted with her - we know that women generally don't do much to help single men hook up with their friends, but there's always that 5% chance that she might introduce me to someone interesting.

She didn't waste that much of my time at the end of the day, and we also know that calling her out on her ho behavior won't do a thing - she knows what she is. Better to not burn bridges that you don't have to.

"Husband" or "Boyfriend" have become trigger words for me - that is to say when I hear them I eject permanently. No woman could ever possibly be worth the potential drama involved with that.

Post: #9

Girls like getting attention. It's that simple. If they tell you they have a boyfriend/husband
within the first 5 minutes they know you're going to eject so they don't have a problem with
playing the game/being social/etc and clearing things up later on.

The best way to handle this is to not assume that a number/email
means availability or interest. Until you make contact and setup a date
it is just a number...

Post: #10

(12-06-2015 11:51 AM)Apollo21 Wrote:  Girls like getting attention. It's that simple. If they tell you they have a boyfriend/husband
within the first 5 minutes they know you're going to eject so they don't have a problem with
playing the game/being social/etc and clearing things up later on.

And move for the number as swiftly as possible without it coming off as awkward.

In essence:
http://www.rooshv.com/women-are-experts-...-mens-time

Post: #11

(12-06-2015 05:40 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(12-06-2015 05:36 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  ^ It sounds to me like she is going back and forth on whether she wants to cheat or not.

Perhaps. I didn't get upset with her (since she's apparently a reg at this club I want to keep hitting from time to time and I don't know who she knows), I just texted her "Thanks for letting me know. Guess this is where you and I part ways."

Too many single chicks out there to fuck around with a "6" of indeterminate relationship status.

Yes, I agree with that. I personally don't like digging into another guy's stash becasue I wouldn't want to be the one getting cheated on. Not to mention it's a good way to get shot if you end up being the straw that broke the camel's back.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #12

25 minutes? I understand that it feels like a waste of time.

But try 3 hours of your time, half of which was spent banging the living daylights out of her. And only after the fact, she does drop the "I have a boyfriend/husband."

Personally it bothers me because I've been on the other side of that coin.

Post: #13

(12-07-2015 06:52 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  25 minutes? I understand that it feels like a waste of time.

But try 3 hours of your time, half of which was spent banging the living daylights out of her. And only after the fact, she does drop the "I have a boyfriend/husband."

Personally it bothers me because I've been on the other side of that coin.

Shit!

A while back I hooked up with a girl from one of the dating sites. She told me she was in an "open relationship" of some kind and I didn't ask too many questions, but after meeting her she moved with such alacrity to get me home for the SNL that it felt weird and rushed even to a guy.

I wouldn't have minded seeing her again if she really was in some kind of situation where it was mutual, but she ghosted on me immediately afterwards. During the date she told me "Oh, I'm new to this open relationship stuff".

A few days later her profile was deleted.

So it starts to make you wonder what the situation really was. I probably shouldn't hit up those types anymore. I know full well that years ago before I was really serious about game I had a ONS with a young woman who was lying to me about her relationship status; I mean there's fucking gear in her apartment that obviously belongs to a dude. I just didn't say anything, moved forward, and didn't contact her again.

In a perfect world, one could tell the husband after the fact "Excuse me, sir? Your LTR boyfriend/wife is cheating on you" and he would set the process in motion of kicking her to the curb. Unfortunately, there are so many beta/white knight husbands and boyfriends that he's far more likely to come gunning for you while trying to negotiate and "work things out" with the ho wife.

Kind of like when some teenage hacker exposes a flaw in the web security of some government or huge corporation and they try to legal-system him into oblivion instead of saying "Great, thanks for finding that out" and getting their shit in order.

Post: #14

Well, I've found that often I just give a girl very intense eye contact upon first approaching and talking to her, she will usually casually mention her boyfriend within a few minutes of the conversation.

Then there are the other ones who don't mention it until they friend-zone you."Oh by the way, I'm fucking around with some other guy right now so no thanks." I think those are caused by not escalating fast enough.

I guess it comes from sending mixed signals.

If they don't mention it for a long time I guess it's game on. The married ones just like knowing they are still attractive.

One of the first times I was intimate with a girl in college, she didn't mention her drug dealer boyfriend until I was in her bed.

I didn't understand it at the time because there was no RVF.

Just be be non-reactive.

Post: #15

Just text the married one WELCOME TO THE FRIEND ZONE

Post: #16

Player avoids this by pushing for compliance asap, breaking the touch barrier, and escalating.

After the touch barrier is broken, there is a lot of boyfriend-esque touching that falls short of kissing, but conveys intent. If a chick pulls out the boyfriend husband card, you have ample evidence that she's open to getting fucked despite what she says.

If she gets defensive or pulls out early, you don't spend 25 minutes wasting time.

A night game state of mind puts in the time, but he presses forward. The clock is running, so indirect approaches still need to be as efficient as direct.

In terms of remedy, you'll be tempted to react negatively. Like most parts of the game, the key is to remain calm, and show no reaction.

It's up to you to decide whether or not to address the elephant. Instead of interpreting it as a red light, consider it a green light.

We must do this quickly and discretely.

If she mentions it again but at the same time keeps entertaining you, just say "I understand we'll be discrete."

She may have been keeping you around for attention, but she might be able to get into a little mischief anyway. That's the door you open for her. That's when the player uses
1) boyfriend destroyer tactics
2) appeal to her hind brain

You gauge whether to do any of this based on how well she emotionally responded to your pull. If her body is saying yes, you're the french fry to her no carb diet.

WIA

Post: #17

(12-07-2015 11:14 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  ...
If she mentions it again but at the same time keeps entertaining you, just say "I understand we'll be discrete."
...

This statement, in various forms, must be added to your vocab. It's fun to thrown in when you're smirking during a pickup, and it can be very useful as WIA describes above.

- Why don't we get outta here...slip away to somewhere more...discrete
- I trust you'll reciprocate my discretion
- etc

Post: #18

(12-07-2015 11:37 AM)heavy Wrote:  

(12-07-2015 11:14 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  ...
If she mentions it again but at the same time keeps entertaining you, just say "I understand we'll be discrete."
...

This statement, in various forms, must be added to your vocab. It's fun to thrown in when you're smirking during a pickup, and it can be very useful as WIA describes above.

- Why don't we get outta here...slip away to somewhere more...discrete
- I trust you'll reciprocate my discretion
- etc

You guys need to be paying attention to heavy, he has Game with capital G.

Post: #19

It seems like you were stuck in a conversation land. If you had escalated better then and there she would have told you what's up much quicker.

Post: #20

(12-06-2015 05:36 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  ^ It sounds to me like she is going back and forth on whether she wants to cheat or not.

Yeah, the ones who are really serious about cheating won't say a word about the husband/boyfriend until after you've banged them.

It's a case by case basis as to whether she is just wanting attention and telling you she's not sexually interested, or really is waffling and considering it, or is putting it up as an obstacle to see if you are aggressive and want her badly enough to overcome it. Some women are veryturned on by that; they like the idea of giving themselves to the more alpha guy who is willing to just "take" her even if she is already taken.

Post: #21

(12-06-2015 11:51 AM)Apollo21 Wrote:  Girls like getting attention. It's that simple. If they tell you they have a boyfriend/husband
within the first 5 minutes they know you're going to eject so they don't have a problem with
playing the game/being social/etc and clearing things up later on.

The best way to handle this is to not assume that a number/email
means availability or interest. Until you make contact and setup a date
it is just a number...

Until you're balls deep its just a number

Post: #22

The practice strikes me as some combination of attention whoring/benefit of the doubt/shit testing. If they're out at a bar and they didn't bring their bf or husband along, they're just asking for something to happen. By saying they have a bf/husband/whatever, they can screen for the persistent and discrete guys. A nice guy wouldn't push through her fake objections, so she can get the bad boys she wants. She can also rationalize it later that she was somehow taken advantage of because she "told you she had a bf", as if she didn't voluntarily come to a hookup rich environment. Or she can use chick logic and convince herself "that didn't count since I told him I had a bf so its not really cheating."

Out of the women you mentioned in the OP, it sounds like the only one who wasn't open to cheating was the girlfriend of the band member. Though I'm sure she didn't mind the attention, considering half the girls in the crowd would be staring at her bf in a few minutes. Even if she's not trying to bang, she gets something out of it for nothing, win-win. At least you might be able to leverage that into social circle game. "Cool, so who else did you come here with?"

But another big reason for being discrete, aside from making the bang easier, is to avoid an FRA. Most of the FRAs I've heard about were women who were caught cheating on their bf/fiancee/husband and claimed it was rape to avoid being dumped. If this happens and you answer yes when the police ask you "Did she tell you she had a bf before this happened?" game over man. When a woman has more to gain than lose by the accusation, she'll cry rape.

Post: #23

(12-07-2015 12:40 PM)XXL Wrote:  It seems like you were stuck in a conversation land. If you had escalated better then and there she would have told you what's up much quicker.

Ah, we're getting our girls confused here maybe. The first girl indeed told me she had a boyfriend, but yeah I was stuck in conversation-land. We were outside with a bunch of people smoking so escalation was a bit difficult.

The woman who told me she had a husband I did escalate with, we were in the club and I went for the kiss within about 15 minutes of meeting her, and she was good with that. It was only when I tried to set up the day 2 via text that that one mentioned that she was spoken for.

Post: #24

(12-06-2015 04:45 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  I spent a good 25 minutes chatting up a woman outside a club a few weeks ago, and when I was about to go for the number she says "Well yeah! Great talking with you! My boyfriend's band is coming on next and..."

She wanted attention. You provided it to her without pushing forward to levels of intimacy. Now you are disqualified and disposable. Try places where they are dressed down and don't waste nearly a half hour on one bird.

Post: #25

(12-07-2015 02:05 PM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  If this happens and you answer yes when the police ask you "Did she tell you she had a bf before this happened?" game over man. When a woman has more to gain than lose by the accusation, she'll cry rape.

I (fortunately) don't have a lot of experience interacting with the police, but I know the appropriate answer to all police questions, when suspected of a crime, is "I respectfully decline to answer any questions."