Post: #1

Hey guys,

A little about me: I used to consume a shit ton of pick up material back when I lived in Denmark (unfortunately), but I was paralyzed with the entire 'approach anxiety' shit, and the attitude of Danish chicks / atmosphere of Danish nightlife didn't really help. I eventually just stopped reading stuff and even going out because it just made me feel worse and instead worked on myself: became very disciplined, started lifting, eating somewhat healthy, traveling, etc. A few years forward and I'm now in Japan. I've had a few months of nightlife that haven't really gotten anywhere, so I decided it's about time I try to improve that aspect of my life. I've been approaching for two weeks now (when going out with some friends), with maybe 10-20~ approaches in total, dependent on how picky we're being with the definition. I've been solely focused on night game, in part because day game is intimidating to me and in part because it seems rather difficult to pull off here without speaking Japanese. I've had some mild success so far (1 lay), though it's not particularly anything I'm proud of (a 5-6 range American chick).

With regards to my approaches so far, I've generally just used 'Hi' as an opener, followed by some silence, followed by "I don't think we've met" or just "I'm Fomalhaut". I've also relied on some situational stuff, like "Hey, you just cut me" in a line for a drink, "you look pretty bored" to a girl that did in fact look pretty bored by herself at the bar, or during Halloween, "I like your costume / what are you dressed as / etc. etc.". I also got drunk recently (well, I probably always do) and went for a straight direct approach. It didn't work out but I felt damn amazing afterwards, and it was maybe the nicest rejection I've gotten. I've read some of YaReally's posts on his archives and watched some of the videos he's linked to, which have been pretty useful to me (this one and this one.) My eye contact is a lot stronger than it was 3 weeks ago, and I talk a lot slower and try to let girls fill in the silence. I had one girl pretty much getting to the point of nervousness as she tried to talk quickly and continue the conversation, which was sort of amusing to see happen.

Either way, I thought it'd be useful to get my thoughts down somewhere and be able to write some actual field reports, so I'll be updating this as I go.

Post: #2

posted too early accidently, delete.

Post: #3

Well -- I'm still hungover as I write this, but I figure I should jot it down before my memory of last night slips away. Admittedly, said memories aren't particularly that great to begin with.

After a lot of different bars and dinner with a group of friends we entered an after hours night club around 1 AM. Way too late, not to mention these places aren't as great as the nightclubs themselves but those close at 1~ around here -_-

#1: Enter dance floor, mess around there for a while, the ratio is about 9:1 guys : girls. The club in question has a VIP area that allows girls and bottle buyers to sit there, which doesn't particularly help. After I get over the approach anxiety, either from the alcohol and/or growing a pair, I open up a two set. I just lean over the VIP area gate and say hi. I immediately get hit with "this is my girlfriend" as the girl I'm talking to points to the other. I brush it off and instead use that opportunity to introduce myself to the girl's "girlfriend." I switch my focus to her, ask her if she works there, and manage to talk to her for a few minutes before the other friend pulls her away and they just start talking to each other. I get their attention back a few times by snapping my fingers in front of them and telling them that it's rude to ignore me, but eventually I leave the set by saying I'm going to go speak with my friends. I re-approach later in the night but their shields are even higher at that point, as with the alcohol flowing, late night, and horrible ratio, they've rejected more than a few approaches. They pretty much straight up ignore me, and just state "we're girlfriends", even when I snap to get their attention. Maybe the best English of the night, and it wasn't that great either, though admittedly I'm not sure I remember.

#2: Three set on the corner of the dance floor. Go up to a somewhat tall Japanese girl and say hi. Ask her if those are her friends with her, and introduce myself to them. There's a dude who's dating the other girl there and I talk to him briefly before switching my attention back to the first girl and getting her name. I speak briefly with her, though it's difficult given her English isn't that great. I tell her we're going to dance and lead her to the dance floor, dance for a while, and eventually get shots with her (I'm trying real hard not to get drunk here, but the entire night has been people buying rounds, shots, etc.) Bring her back to the dance floor and she wants to join her friends. We head over and things are going well, still dancing with her. At this point, a 35-40 year old Japanese dude comes in and starts talking with her and pretty much just being a major beta orbiter. He tries to dance with her but I just pull her over and edge him out as he continuously tries to rejoin the circle. What the fuck. Literally this dude is just standing around swaying for 10 minutes as he keeps trying to push in by me and go to the girl and I just lock him out with my shoulder. I eventually move her away from that group, dance with her, get slightly more physical, and things seem to go well. I do two potentially stupid things: 1) I tell her I think she's cute. 2) I tell her I want to go somewhere more private and I want to kiss her. No shit I think she's cute, why else would I be dancing with her and feeling her up, yeah? With #2, firstly, I should've just potentially led her, but that would've also been a problem as she probably wouldn't want to abandon her friends 20 minutes in of meeting a guy, and secondly, I'm not sure she could even hear anything, given the music/language barrier, but she probably recognized the word kiss, at which point ASD kicked in. I should've just turned her around and tried to go for a slow dance and transition into a kiss. She moved away just slightly and guess who shows up? Mr. Beta Orbiter Steal Yo Girl, who takes the opportunity to take her hand and pull her into the massive crowd of dudes. Fuck. He later loses her that night to a pretty well built Japanese dude in a snapback and tank top. Makes me just slightly happier. I see her at the end of the night as she's leaving with her friends, but she just throws me a bye and exits.

#3: Getting hazier and hazier on the memory. Talk to a girl sitting in a corner of the VIP lounge again by herself, though there's a bunch of beta orbiters right outside the VIP entrance who don't say a single fucking word to her or seem to know her but just stand there. Again, WTF. I eventually push past them and introduce myself to her. We actually get along decently well until her friend pops by and just snags her away. She says "I'm leaving, bye". I see her later that night but I think I'm on another set or a bit drunk, and she's on the move again anyways. This was probably the most receptive girl to me of the night, and if I weren't so fucking drunk at this point, I would've maybe locked it down better by at least snagging her LINE.

#4: Walk up to a girl sitting in the VIP area again. This time surrounded by like five dudes. I talk with her for a while, she tells me two of them are her brothers, I talk to all the guys. I think her English was also pretty solid and she was wearing amazing blue contacts. This doesn't really seem to go anywhere though as I've got the five dudes around me and she starts talking to them whenever she wants to exit my conversation. I don't remember this too well, honestly, but I saw her again, talked to her, and one of the dudes said she has a boyfriend.

#5: Girls from my classes that I've never really talked to. I'm just trying to make friends here as I'm not trying to shit where I eat. I talk with them briefly, they give me that "no we don't have classes together" thing until they realize oh yeah we do, I move onto a different set but I rejoin them later that night on the dance floor, introduce a few guys around me to them, and meet my wing for the night while in their group. There's a few more girls from my classes, one that's a solid looker and a little shy/reserved, I talk to her for a while. Get her Facebook, but I'm not particularly sure there's any motivation here besides having some friends to invite out. She's cute, but as mentioned above, I don't want in class awkwardness.

#6: My wing likes to get a lot of drinks. My memory is even worse. Open another two set, he seems to do pretty poorly with his, but she has better English than mine. I switch over to her, talk to her, but he really wants to go back to the dance floor and starts complaining about J-Girls being difficult. My attitude the entire night has been to just plow, even when they say "sorry no English" or try to make Xs with their arms, so I'm slightly annoyed, esp. as my conversation seemed to be going decent, but I roll with it and we head over.

#7: Opened some two set, I think, can barely remember what I said, or even the girl. Hell, I don't even know if I talked to anyone here. This might just be my imagination. Fucking alcohol.

#8: Open another girl, memory still horrible, she makes a lot of X's with her arms and says no English -- at this point I'm so sick of hearing no English, so I just say 'I don't care' and just hold eye contact. This works for a while, I look down at her lips and look back up, she gets flustered, but it doesn't really go anywhere and her friends are sitting right in the VIP. I think I tell her she's cute, she doesn't understand, I say it in Japanese, and I pretty much lose this one as she says thank you and slips behind the VIP. Why do I keep doing this, lol.

#9: Talk to a girl in leather clothes, real hot, she's not too interested, but I reapproach when she's not stuck in the VIP area. She again tries to dip, but for some reason feels my chest and is suddenly in for it, starting to feel me up. I'm thinking 'push/pull' here and decide to push her off me, but I'm a bit drunk. She goes slightly further than I'd like, and into the hands of a beta orbiter that steadies her and occupies her attention. I'm probably going to avoid doing that for the future -- slapping off her hands and then pulling her in would've worked better. At this point, a balding 35-40 Turkish dude comes up to me and tells me "HEY BE NICE." I'm pretty drunk at this point. I'm a bit of a dick to this guy and ask him why the fuck he feels the need to intervene in my conversations and if he's trying to start a fight. He backs off, his friends come and apologize about his behavior, and I feel like a total ass and go up to him to apologize. He just whines about it though and I just switch my attention elsewhere.

#10: Couple of Euro girls in another bar way later that me and my wing head to. Hot one can't speak English too well. And is apparently 15. I'm pretty much done for the night here anyways as it's like 6 AM.

Some things on my mind:

Telling a girl you think she's physically attractive - yay or nay? I'm very much leaning towards no. I did this multiple times in the night, at varying points of the conversation. The first was detailed in #2, and I feel like that was very much a stupid mistake. You're already dancing with a girl and flirting, at this point the attraction is very established and it's clear what my interests were -- no shit I think she's cute. Telling her she was cute didn't really do anything besides boost her own opinion of herself and make me sound a little beta. In my other interactions, it was generally dropped within a minute or two of the conversation, or sometimes slightly later, in the form of "I think you're cute/ anata wa kawaii desu / etc." A lot of times I just relied on this as the conversation couldn't really even happen to due the language barrier. I feel like this personally was not particularly useful either -- you've been talking to them for a minute or two, there's not really any reason to say you're interested in them. They're not stupid, they know, and this also risks the issue of putting them on the spot about whether they want to keep talking to you or not -- I don't remember too well, but I think I got a few 'thank you' and then attempt to leave (though the conversation was essentially dead from language barrier anyways).


Opening wise -- am I doing fine here? I'm not sure if it's even 'direct' or 'indirect' -- I literally just did this for most of the night:

Me: Hi.
Pause.
Girl: Hi.
Me: I don't think we've met / I'm Fomalhaut / etc. etc. (A lot of times here I'd have to repeat myself, because their English was bad or the music was too loud. Sometimes I'd even have to resort to a little Japanese.)
Girl: I'm blahblahblah. (I try to establish kino with a long handshake here, usually ask her to repeat her name, hold eye contact, the usual).
And then initiate conversation, usually by asking her what she does, if she works here, if she's a dancer, etc.

I've been entertaining switching to a direct opener like 'I thought you were cute and I wanted to come meet you'. Despite my lack of success with straightforward compliments, I feel like opening with them comes off as pretty ballsy rather than throwing it in the middle of a conversation later on which just comes off as pansy. At the same time, I feel this is more true with daygame -- the value it adds on top of my approach in nightgame is not particularly strong. They're almost the same thing, except the 'i thought you were cute and wanted to meet you' is implied in my 'hi'.

Anyways, that's it for last night. I met another dude in my social circle that's into PUA stuff and he daygames, so we might go out and do a bit of that later on. I'm thinking about switching over to that a little bit, though it's a bit scary to me as I've only approached at night. It feels so much more natural at night and it's much easier for me to just go up, say hi, and introduce myself. Potentially going out tonight, but I'm still hungover and it's 7 PM.

Post: #4

Don't tell a girl that you think she is cute. If she wasn't cute, you wouldn't be talking to her in the first place.
Sometimes, when the club is a massive sausage fest, it's probably best to change venue. Even if you are good looking and have game, if the girl rejected someone 15 times before you, she is VERY likely to reject you.

Post: #5

Ten approaches in a night, that's decent.
Though I'm concerned about your alcohol intake.
Your level of sobriety directly affects your Game results.
I remember an old Roosh.com post, being sober @ last call
Puts you in the top 10% of all guys in the club.
Maybe try a 1 drink every other hour, nurse that motherfucker
If it ain't like warm on the last sip, you're drinking too fast.

Approach anxiety is a motherfucker, maybe that's why you're using booze as a crutch.
Every man must conquer that demon himself.

Furthermore scrap the cute line.
Keep ploughing.
You need spots with a better number of women, 9:1 is a God awful ratio.
Ignoring the Beta Orbiter isn't enough, orbiters gonna orbit.
Move location.

Post: #6

Thanks for the feedback guys -- I appreciate it.

Like I thought then, that cute shit needs to go out the window. It's almost become a clutch for me to escalate without actually escalating by hoping she responds positively and I'm sure I send off bad vibes with that.

Rawmeo Wrote:Sometimes, when the club is a massive sausage fest, it's probably best to change venue. Even if you are good looking and have game, if the girl rejected someone 15 times before you, she is VERY likely to reject you.

A venue change would've been great, but the nightlife in my area's pretty limited, esp. that late in the night. Solution's just to get to the clubs earlier.

1026 Wrote:Ignoring the Beta Orbiter isn't enough, orbiters gonna orbit.
Move location.

Yeah, I actually did move her. The dude sneakily followed lol

1026 Wrote:Approach anxiety is a motherfucker, maybe that's why you're using booze as a crutch.
Every man must conquer that demon himself.

Two years ago, I could get myself shit faced and I still would be too pussy to approach, so I think I'm not internalizing alcohol = only time I can approach as I know from the past that's not true. I've noticed the alcohol just lets me get over that first approach of the night anxiety -- after that I'm pretty much on a roll and I have pretty much zero approach anxiety, but I think that's a pretty common reaction. I kind of want to move over to daygame to get over the approach anxiety without the alcohol, but at the same time I feel a lot more natural with night game. I'm thinking maybe after I finish this 100 approaches with night game I'll try out some day game, and maybe incorporating some night time street game into my nights out (asking for clubbing recommendations tends to be a pretty easy opener).

1026 Wrote:Though I'm concerned about your alcohol intake.
Your level of sobriety directly affects your Game results.
I remember an old Roosh.com post, being sober @ last call
Puts you in the top 10% of all guys in the club.
Maybe try a 1 drink every other hour, nurse that motherfucker
If it ain't like warm on the last sip, you're drinking too fast.

Yeah, I'm pretty concerned about my alcohol intake too. Ruins my muscle gain, adds extra calories, gives me a hangover, and fucks my game. The first few drinks seem to be fine, but the problem is that I hang out with a lot of heavy drinkers. That particular night people kept trying to buy rounds and I had to keep pushing off my drinks to other people. Ended up getting some tequila shots with a girl too which just made me more shitfaced.

Quote:Ten approaches in a night, that's decent.

Yeah, ten approaches in a week is less decent, sadly. I need to go out more but that hangover wrecked me. I also get inclined to make the excuse "well, a month ago, you had zero approaches a week, you don't need to force yourself to go out tonight too."

Post: #7

I find day game to have a much higher success rate. The other day got a hot milf who was twice my age and an engineers number at the airport and chatted her up for a while. Try that at a bar where she is used to being hit on and has her guard up it is much more difficult. Night game does lead to more immediate bangs though of course.

Get some good scores in during the day it will greatly improve your confidence overall and which will help for night game.

Post: #8

Alright. I was sick this week, but I felt alright last night and decided to push myself to go out at least once. Ended up in a super high-energy dance oriented club. Loud, loud music + crowded dance floor. I kinda found that aspect pretty annoying -- I like my music and dancing, but I also need a sizeable area where I can do some approaches and try to bounce them to the dance floor after.


#11: Danced for a while next to two girls on the dance floor. AA still for the first approach so I take forever to fucking go approach despite making some eye contact. Eventually went up to them, said hi, had a guy I was hanging out with wing me, but it didn't really go anywhere. Couldn't get much of a conversation going with the loud music, and I'm not sure how to roll with dance floor game here in Japan. In western countries I feel like I can just kinda try to move to grinding pretty quickly, but here it's a bit more difficult, especially if they're joint to the hip with their friends.

#12: Went up to two hip-hop kinda girls that were just stuck to the side of the dance floor staring at their phones. Straight up ignored me as I talked to them like I didn't exist. I think that's the first blow out I've gotten to that extent. Lol. Next.

#13: Head to the bar with the same wing -- tall, good looking Japanese speaking man, but his game's not too great. He doesn't seem to open anything and when I approach a set he just stands next to me before finally interjecting in Japanese with something or the other that I can't make out. I open some girls passing by but they don't really stick around and move off.

#14: Girl places herself right between me and my wing. I call out on it and talk with her for a while, but her Japanese is pretty bad and she's not particularly attractive. Not too interested.

#15: Girl's friend places herself next to me, and she knows my wing. I start talking to her. We lose this two-set though; my wing talk for a little and I mention that I don't really feel like pursuing this set, and they depart just as we're talking anyways.

#16: Go up to a two-set, I maintain a strong frame and just keep plowing despite the 'no English' -- I feel like I'm getting somewhere with my target but my wing just interjects in Japanese, mentions he's half, to which they just seem sort of confused/give a thumbs up. I see a lot of these thumbs up actually, seems like some sort of way to say 'thanks for trying, now fuck off!' He wants to depart and drags me off. Eh.

#17: Meet a four set that gets excited about my wing. Want to take some pictures. I talk with one of them briefly but they're all attached to the hip and then I guess my wing gives them the vibe we're departing because they tell us bye and wave us off. Guess we're leaving!

#18: One of the two notable sets of the night. Wing with another friend of mine who's into game -- things go a lot smoother at this point of the night. He opens a two set, potentially the same ones from my first set, can't really tell on a dancefloor with 1-2 min encounters lol. I enter the set, stand there for a bit without saying anything until one of the girls acknowledges me (my wing's target). Talk to her briefly before talking to her friend, chat about some stuff, use some Japanese while speaking to her -- qualify her over music tastes a bit by inquiring into it, telling her I'm not really into electronic when she mentions she likes it lol. I use a lot of kino, rest my hand on her back, grab her sides while talking to her. Take her hand, comment on lack of jewelry, fingernails, etc. peek behind her shirt for any necklace (none) and comment on it. She'd sometimes go a bit quiet, couldn't really get her eye contact locked in all the times, and she was holding onto her friend by the arm so trying to get her to dance was pretty difficult despite being on the dance floor. She apparently studies English but isn't that great at it. She eventually invites me to a party next Saturday and I get her LINE -- she starts sending hearts and telling me she wants me to come to the party, but she's also a promoter so I don't really read into it. Later on in the night she tells me to come meet her so she can give me tickets but we're already out by then and my phone dies. I messaged her today, but there's been no response since I've let her know that I probably can't make it, lol. I was actually vibing with her friend a lot better, introduced for a very long hand shake that she didn't let go of, turned her hand over and felt her palms, commented on it being soft, she felt my hands in exchange and got a bit giggly while I held eye contact. My wing's target tho and he's got first dibs having opened lol

#19: We're in a pretty good mood after this but we don't want to just sit around and jerk ourselves over some number closes. Move to the bar area, can't really remember if we opened anything here, but I'll move onto another notable set of the night. Standing around with my wing in a quieter area when I lock eyes with someone across, she smiles and look down, and boom -- I move instantly, without notifying my wing at all lol. He has a rough time with the other three chicks who just pretty much simultaneously try to blow him out over and over but he's a persistent man. My target has her eyes locked on me and we talk for a while, she tries to tell me later on when she gets a bit over intimidated by my eye contact that she can't speak english. I just switch to one of her friends briefly before she reengages me in english, lol. We talk a bit more about what she does, use some google translating, she's in fashion / is a model (?) lol I give her a little look over and ask her if she's any good but she doesn't even understand wtf that means. Her friends leave at this point but I'm posted against the wall right next to her and just talking, pretty good sign given she's not following her friends, but then i get fucked -- one of the male friends, probably on request of the girl friends, shows up and drags her away. should've line closed or told him to give me a minute to do that but whatever. dude gave me a pretty passive aggressive "ENJOY YOUR STAY IN JAPAN" too, like haha i'm here for a while buddy get used to it

#20: Approach a two set. Talk to them. They ignore and walk off. lol

#21: Two girls with facemasks that my wing opens. I'm not too into the entire facemask, ask them wtf they're wearing it and what they're doing in a club if they're sick but the girl i'm talking with doesn't have enough english to understand that and I don't have enough japanese to figure that out. We bounce.

#22: Dancefloor open and immediate ignore/blowout. Very much disliking dancefloor game atm. Can't talk, need to be very physical, but they're not too into that either.

#23: Reopen the four set and the same girl from #17. She doesn't recognize me, I talk with her for a while, try to dance and she's only half-way into it, eventually ask her for her hand, she gives it, I try to spin it but I do it the wrong way, looool. she's still pretty surprised but she just melds into her four set while i talk to a japanese dude nearby

I think that was all the sets that night? I feel like I might've forgotten a few but they were probably 1-second blowouts.


Some good things:

1. Much less alcohol consumption this time. Maybe 7 drinks over 8 hours that were very spaced out and with a lot of food. Remember everything clearly and I didn't really feel all that drunk at any point of the night.

2. Getting more comfortable with approaching, I guess? Blow outs don't faze me.

3. Getting very comfortable with holding silence and maintaining eye contact.

4. I'm pushing past my comfort zone with some kino stuff -- I tried to spin a girl on the dance floor, and despite the fact it went horribly, I would probably never usually do this, also asking girls for their hands, trying to be aware of what they're wearing and commenting on it, etc. I like to think I'm getting good at pushing my sexual comfort zone as well as I'm pretty certain I never emit 'let's be friends' or dancing clown vibes, but at the same time I guess I'd like to escalate even more rapidly.

5. Getting more used to make some chit-chat in Japanese.




Some concerns:

1. Approaching on dance floors: I'm not sure what to really do here. It's generally too loud to speak, especially when their English is not so great. Shields seem to be way higher here due to dudes trying to grind on chicks.

2. Escalating with friends around: Japanese girls seem attached to the hip with their friends. I've been kinoing and I recently read 60 Years of Challenge's book which emphasizes trying to get on mutual hand caressing going on, so that's kinda where I try to go, but I don't know how to transition to this properly. Just grab their hand? I sometimes just go "Let me see your hand" or I get a lot of long handshakes where I turn their hand over, make some comments on jewelry or how soft it is, etc while maintaining strong eye contact.

3. Text game. I feel like my text game sucks. Just don't really know what I should even be doing. Anyone have any recommendations on what to read re: this?

4. I try to go for the handshake a lot to get some initial kino, but I feel like 50% of the time it's just pretty much ignored. Maybe I'm going for it way too early -- it goes well with girls whose attention/attraction I already have, but those that are kinda standoffish don't really want to shake hands.


Closing thoughts: I think day game is very likely to suit my style more, but it's also kinda intimidating to me. I'll try to get into it after I finish my 100 approaches.

Post: #9

You've mentioned a couple of times that one of the biggest factors holding you back is 'approach anxiety/intimidation', but that you haven't really got anywhere from the last few months of nightlife. You have to change it up.

If daytime approaches are still a bit daunting for you, consider going to a few popular bars, where the music isn't so loud/not that much of a dance floor, so you can actually properly converse with the girls there. Maybe try contacting another more experienced RVF member who lives locally and could help you work on your techniques

Post: #10

Yes, don't use alcohol as a crutch. I like that you're approaching but a theme through your posts is your compensation of inner game with liquid courage. In a way, I think this may actually be a detriment to your inner game.

You really should try day game. Get out of your comfort zone man.

Post: #11

Well, last two weeks of actual dedicated approaching, but yeah. Maybe I need to find a bar/lounge scene, or just get into day game. As for alcohol for liquid courage, that might very well be the case, but I tried to refrain from too much drinking last time around.

Post: #12

Well shit, maybe this doesn't count particularly as a day time approach, but it's at least something of a warm up without me having to run around asking for directions instead. Either way, it's probably not something I'd have usually done without the recent 'talk to everyone' mindset that I've adopted.

#24: Struggling in the Japanese post office paying rent for dorm room at the machine. Turn around and see a chick in line who's obviously another international student. Ask her if she knows how this thing works, she tries helping a bit, but no luck. I tell her she can give it a shot and go find a worker to help me instead.

Post: #13

Well, I had a terrible night last night. I got a nice taste of how negative social momentum can really get to you, as my mood just got worse and worse.

Started off with my wing we hit up a hip hop club. It was near empty but two girls finally walked in, and one was standing on her own. My wing told me to go approach but I pretty much just went "I can't" and he did it instead.

#25: The other girl came over on the dance floor and again I just wussed out on approaching. Eventually she goes over to the table where my wing is talking to the other girl and I decide I have to at least wing him, so I approach, walk over, make eye contact and say hi and she immediately leaves. According to my wing she pretty much just ignored him too while talking to the other girl.

At this point we've been in this club for an hour and it's still dead. We head over to another recommended one in a more touristy area. Almost immediately I kinda dislike this place, and that feeling just keeps growing -- the ratio is terrible, there's 'girls only sections' everywhere that a fair portion of the girls have flocked to, and it's horribly tiny and cramped. By the time we got in, it wasn't too bad just yet, but the night would go from a 4:1 guy to girl ratio on the dance floor to something like 10:1 instead.

#26: We enter and I decide I need to approach. This was my one mildly legitimate set of the night, and it lasted for 30 seconds, if that. Walk up to a two set at the back of the dance floor and look at one of them, say hi, and she does the same response I probably get with half of the J-Girls; shake head, get shy, do a cross with her arms, but I just maintain my position and try to keep talking. A bit pointless as she can't seem to understand English and/or it's too loud, so she just hides behind her friend instead. I call it quits at this point. This set later comes by and positions themselves right next to me on the dance floor, but I again wuss out on reapproaching not knowing what the fuck to do.

This pretty much sets the standard for the night. I'd sometimes have girls stand by next to me in the dance floor and I just wouldn't know what to do. Just saying hi and introducing myself seems a bit odd on a dancefloor, and I'm evidently caught up with what's odd and what's not. Too crowded to try anything like spinning them around and I'm just not particularly a dance floor guy, especially when it's top 40 stuff playing.

#27: Girl dancing next to me that brushes against my arm multiple times. I eventually look over and make eye contact, smile, say hi, she smiles and looks away, and that's that. I have no idea what to do from here.

#28: Girl passing through the really really crowded dance floor. I make eye contact and say hi and her eyes kinda light up and she says hi back (though nobody can really hear each other here). She passes by, her and her friend position themselves right behind me, I don't do anything. :frowning:

Lots of other missed opportunities that night, and I start a pattern of not taking advantage of any of them. Girls standing around the bar looking bored, near the lockers, etc. Pretty girl by herself walks into a convenience store and comes out while me and my wing are talking and I again do nothing.

I don't know. I felt pretty awful last night and am still somewhat down today. I felt like with the last few weeks I'd gotten over the approach anxiety bit and wanted to actually focus on trying to escalate and pull but instead I seem to get obsessive over AA before a night out and this time I just did not seem to really push through on it. All my approaches were half-hearted, and my desire to make further approaches just dwindled both from AA and from the knowledge that my vibe was just awful that night. Going out tonight and tomorrow night, here's to hoping it goes better.

Alcohol-wise, about four drinks over the course of six hours.

Post: #14

It sounds like you are still making progress with your approaches - keep up the good work!

The approach anxiety will eventually fade over time after sufficient approaches, good bad and otherwise. There is no hard and fast rule as to how long this will take but just keep persevering and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and you'll be approaching like a true player in no time.

Day game is a good way of working towards reducing your approach anxiety, as you won't be able to depend on alcohol.

Post: #15

So I went out with the idea that I'm just going to enjoy my night and fuck worrying about everything else. Got somewhat drunk (though not very) and just went out to a club to dance. I was in a really good mood this time around and even had some random chick grab me from behind and start dancing with me. I didn't particularly find her attractive and she bounced eventually. Was more in the mood to approach.

#29: Chick dancing nearby by herself. I open her by saying hi, then ask her for her name and where she's from (Korea). First approach of the night so I think I'm still slightly tense and talking too quickly. I notice her English is pretty solid and I ask why she speaks so well (eh), she replies curtly: "because I've been studying it", at which I say "Most of the Japanese people I know aren't that great despite having studied it" at which point she says "I'm Korean" again and I just cut her off with "Yeah I know." She goes back to dancing lol, that was a pretty awful set on my end.

#30: Girl dancing around, eventually stops at the table I'm near and smokes. I ask her if she's got a cigarette, she says no, I take a drag off hers, ask her for her name but she thinks I'm asking for her cigarette so I go for the handshake and the cigarette goes to the ground. Lol. She picks it up and I recover with a "I didn't ask for your cigarette, I asked for your name." She grabs my hand to shake it and we talk very briefly before she just dances off backwards.

#31: Four set. Go talk to a girl in a coat. I ask her isn't she warm in that, talk briefly, get her name, but she's just doing the usual Japanese girl giggle thing before scampering off with her friends.

There's a bar area where I see #29. I think I should go reapproach, go that direction, but instead just end up ordering a drink and ignoring her. Lol. Reapproaching a bad set never feels too great, but my bigger issue is that I'm sitting around whining about how it's impossible to hold conversations on the dance floor yet I'm not taking advantage of people at the bar, which is probably the easiest place to talk. Club ends, I head off.


End up hanging out with a cool dude for the rest of the night and make some plans for tomorrow (tonight). He has a semi-friend that joins us, and I get perhaps the most entertaining event of the night. London-raised ethnically Indian dude who goes fucking ballistic when I ask him how he's doing. He starts crying and screaming on the streets about Japan being racist, starts shouting 'fuck you' to Japanese girls on the street claiming they only like Japanese guys and white guys, full on Indian Race Troll going crazy here. Goes off about how all women are whores, bitches, and later on starts crying about how he just wants someone to love him and yeah holy shit. Talked with his friends and they're like 'yeah man he's into that weird pick up / game stuff we keep telling him it doesn't work you just have to be a respectable guy and girls'll like you' haha. He's later whining about girls not coming up and saying hi to him and I ask him if he ever approaches -- he says he does but he then goes on a tirade about being blown out, and like yeah, most sets I've had here don't go that great too, but like the dude's taking his blow outs super personal as an attack on his person. I try a bit to reason with him but it's pretty much pointless and I instead just have fun watching him explode.


Good things:
1. Well, I approached after that shit of a night yesterday.
2. Watching that dude explode reconfirmed my desire to work on this shit. I'm not trying to be him, lol.


Bad things:
1. Maybe relying on alcohol again, though I don't know -- sometimes I can drink and still be in no mood to approach at all. I find it's more about my state for the night than anything.
2. Still shit on dance floors. No idea how to play this.
3. Pussying out on approaches, esp. at bars. I guess subconsciously I don't find a dance floor blow out too bad as they can just dance off and it seems normal.

Post: #16

Went out again. Definitely past my intended alcohol intake for the week. Trying not to get drunk is difficult when you get free shots, but I wasn't sloppy drunk so whatever. I'll write a detailed field report some other time, as there's certainly some bits I want to touch upon. I think I did 8 or 9 approaches last night, but some instant-blowouts + the alcohol make it hard to remember the less notable ones. There's the worry of me using alcohol to get over approach anxiety still, but from my experience on Thursday, if I go out with the mindset that I'm just here to game and not drink, then my night is generally awful and I get into a bad mood. If I go out with the idea that I'm going to have a good time, I almost inevitably end up drinking 5-10 drinks with my mates but I also get in a great mood and just sort of naturally talk to everyone around me. It might be a clutch, but I'm probably just going to keep drinking on my nights out while trying to avoid getting sloppy -- it makes it a lot more fun.

Post: #17

Actually, let me just get on with detailing my approaches and issues:


Hanging out with two friends and one of them brings three girls, all pretty, 6-8 range. One of them (arguably the most pretty one) is the most aggressive Japanese girl I've ever seen. Pretty crazy, but kinda sexy because of that too. She likes tequila, so I'll call her Tequila girl. We head over to a foreigner friendly venue and the guy who brought the girls is talking to some other girls he knows.

#32: Approach the one he's not talking to. Her English is pretty much non-existent, so I just try to keep the conversation going, but it's the first set of the night and I'm dropping stupid questions like "oh how do you know X" and blah blah to just try and keep it a float. I go quiet after a while because I have nothing to say and just kinda stand there bobbing my head to the music. She surprisingly starts asking me questions though, but it eventually fizzles out and I tell her I'm getting back to my group. Reapproach her later but she's not particularly into it and with a dude friend (though he seemed to be throwing gay vibes).

#33: Walk around, make eye contact with a girl, approach and say hi. First words out of her mouth: "You're beautiful." lol.
I didn't particularly know how to respond to this, so I just said "thanks", made some pretty dull chit-chat (where are you from, ends up being a half-japanese london chick), and then I take her to the dance floor. She's not up for too much grinding though, but I have some very good opportunities to kiss her as she keeps holding eye contact and then looking down. We're dancing real close now and I don't really go for it. This is something I definitely need to work on in that I want to escalate, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm trying to do the entire dance floor make out thing as I don't particularly like it and I feel like it's not too smooth to pull that in Japan (?). I later go to the bar and introduce this girl to some friends. One of the Russian male models in the clubs comes up, he was trying to get with my target, he strokes her hair but she just throws him a WTF look. I talk with him briefly but like I don't really care about this girl too much -- I take the aforementioned tequila girl in our group for some shots. We dance a bit, get touchy, but she's also flirty with everyone so I'm not really sure where to take this either. #33 hung around, and then I asked her if she wanted a shot as well, and she went off about how she'd already drank a bunch in the night so I just kinda turned back around and ignored her, lol, I didn't want to hear her list off wtf she drank. Might be on me there, but like I didn't particularly enjoy talking to this girl anyways. Later see her making out with the Russian dude, but my mate told me as we left she was just sulking around in the corner. Guessing it didn't work out too well for that guy. Kinda funny though, this dude's with a bunch of hot Russian girls, he himself is pretty good looking and working as a model, good social proof, and yet he can't really seem to keep this chick hooked. Looks + statuses but you can still shoot yourself in the foot if your game's horrible, I guess?

#34: Say hi. She's a bit friendly but on the move with like four friends all holding hands, and I just kinda give her some playful shit about leaving me and being cold-hearted. She just kinda giggles and goes her way with her friends. These blowouts are a lot better when I'm able to reframe them and playfully ejecting instead of taking myself too seriously. Very in-state at this point, and not too drunk. Maybe 6~ drinks in over 4 hours?

#35: I'm thinking I should have another dance floor instant-blow outs, as these just happen all the time and I feel like I did more approaches than three at this venue, lol.

Move to next club which is right downstairs. Get way more drunk here, courtesy of tequila girl buying me two rounds + a free drink ticket with entry where they drop a good 2-3 shots worth into the mixed drink. A few noticeable sets + interaction with tequila girl.

Tequila girl: Interactions throughout the venue. As mentioned, got relatively touchy back at the first venue but she's been flirty with everyone so I don't put much thought into it. She doesn't speak English too well so the interaction's a bit hard to keep going beyond physical stuff. She starts calling me Zayne from One Direction, lol. At the new venue she bounces around and talks to a bunch of dudes before getting the interest of a J-guy. He keeps trying to dance with her but she just sorta dances away, she eventually comes up to me and starts getting touchy again, tells me she doesn't like Japanese guys, so I ask her what she does like and she says gaijin. lol. She then takes me away for a tequila shot, but we join one of my friends and his girl (one of the chicks he brought along) and just make some chit chat and drink. Later on I run to her in the dance floor and she's like flipping people off, before she sticks her middle finger in her nose. I'm genuinely disgusting, say gross, and walk off. Blows her world I guess because she starts hugging onto me, apologizing, saying it was a joke, etc. She buys me another tequila shot. God damn it. I take a sip before telling her to finish it but she doesn't want to drink anymore. I tell her just because she's not going to sleep with her just because she's getting me drunk, but language barrier issues, i don't think she even made sense of that. I hand off the shot to the bartender, who doesn't really want it either but he eventually accepts. Yay.... Except he pours another shot, hands it to me, and we both down it. Trying to not get drunk is hard. Head back to the dance floor, but she's not particularly up for grinding so I just move onto a different set. She later gets in a pretty awful mood, being tired, and explodes on one of my friends who initially invited her out. Definitely crazy. But hot.

#36: Instant blow-out on dance floor. Girl dancing nearby. Say hi. She just kinda moves away. Whatever. Might've had more than one of these, but these aren't really memorable.

#37: Went over to the chicks on the sidelines not really dancing, but I don't remember if I even opened anything -- I'm pretty sure I did, but I think they were instant-blow outs which is why I don't remember much conversation.

#38: Girl with blue contacts dancing with a friend. I focus in on the blue contact girl and the conversation goes pretty well, though her English isn't too great. I try to tease her about wearing contacts but the language barrier makes it pretty much impossible. She comments on my eyes and says I have beautiful brown eyes. Today is the day of getting validated on my appearance I guess. I then engage her friend briefly, and this seems to be a bad move. Her friend sort of ignores me before I finally get her to shake my hand, and by this time my target is less into me I guess? I just eject myself out of this as I don't really know what to do with a two set at the outer edge of the dance floor. I should've told her to come dance with me but there's the issue of the friend -- having her winged would've probably been good.

#39: Talk to the girl at the bar right nearby while with my social group. She's not too great with English herself, but she's got some good looking friends with her. We chat briefly and she introduces herself, relatively smooth, and then she throws the Zayne comparison (second time in a night, I'm flattered lol). I turn to Tequila Girl and mention that she made that comparison to try and merge the sets but I just lose #39 as she wanders off with her friends. oops. Again, moving attention from the target too quickly seems to lose me the set.

#40: Chick at end of the night. I am so tired but I feel like making an approach just for the sake of it. Ask her for her name in Japanese, talk briefly but I think her English isn't too great and she's got a somewhat hostess look going on. She's not particularly into it, she excuses herself to talk with one of the bartenders who I think she knows, she's right next to me though so I open again but she just picks up her drink and moves away, lol

Here are my biggest issues ATM:

#1: Escalating. Had a girl that expressed direct interest to me and I was dancing with, but she'd occasionally move away and play it somewhat coy. I had so many opens for a kiss or I could've just been more aggressive with the kino but I instead just tried to play it cool.

#2: Leaving/ignoring the target briefly. I do this sometimes to go talk to another girl that I know (DHV?), but rather than make the girl more interested a lot of times I guess I ignore them for too long or don't have them hooked enough and they turn around or disappear. Happened with #32 when I ignored her for Tequila Girl, or at least I think she got a bit disinterested, and happening with #37 when I went to go talk to her friend. Am I better off just ignoring the friends and focusing on the target? Should I not try to play the jealousy game by going to talk to another girl?

#3: Isolating girls. I don't know how to get them away from their friends, esp. if they're in a two set. If I see a one-set I generally just say 'let's go dance'. Dance floor game is still awful here, at least in approaching on the dance floor, and I don't know how to escalate well enough on there, funnily enough. If there's a girl at the bar area I can take her to go dance, but if she's already on the dance floor I always feel awkward just grabbing her and trying to rub up on her, lol. See J-guys do it though so maybe I should just try to initiate a conversation as much as possible on the dance floor, wrap my arm around her, and dance for a bit before moving to grinding.

Post: #18

(11-29-2015 04:44 AM)Fomalhaut Wrote:  Dance floor game is still awful here, at least in approaching on the dance floor, and I don't know how to escalate well enough on there, funnily enough. If there's a girl at the bar area I can take her to go dance, but if she's already on the dance floor I always feel awkward just grabbing her and trying to rub up on her, lol. See J-guys do it though so maybe I should just try to initiate a conversation as much as possible on the dance floor, wrap my arm around her, and dance for a bit before moving to grinding.

I agree, its not great. Are you based in Tokyo? Also, i'm curious how old are you and how long are you going to be in Japan for? Are you hitting the gym in between these nights out? Can you give a little bit more a description about yourself.

I think for now, you should put a hold on trying to make the main focus of your night out 'approaching'. Switch to some daytime work. Have you tried Tinder/any other dating apps. There will plenty of local girls on there (who can speak English) looking for foreigners to bang. I know, technically, this is an approach thread, to try and boost your confidence there, but surely working the online game in between can do no harm.

In terms of approaches, maybe set yourself a daytime target. Like. 'I'm gonna keep making approaches until I get two phone numbers' Hit the malls, hang outside the adult English schools (they'll be plenty of them relishing the chance to practice speaking English).

Just hitting the clubs will not suffice, if you are genuinely serious about improving your game, you need to make more effort on all fronts.