Post: #126

Everyone here has my sympathy, I went through all this and unfortunately you should probably prepare yourself for long term fuck-fuck games.

I got divorced in 2008 and because we have kids together it's difficult to totally escape the mind games. About twice a year I get texts from the ex telling me how much she hates me and detailing her numerous affairs. In addition to this about twice a year I get texts from her apologizing and attempting a reconciliation.

I used to wish she would find some other sucker so she would just leave me alone but then I realized it wouldn't matter. Even if she ensnared a male underwear model packing a magical ten inch penis capable of ejaculating $100 dollar bills she would probably just text me to describe the $1000 load she just took to the face. The reality is that until the last kid turns 18 I'm going to have to deal with some degree of game playing from her.

All you can really do is refuse to engage, no matter how sincere she sounds apologizing don't reply...It won't lead anywhere you want to be. No matter what kind of hateful things she says, you got to ignore it. No matter what kind of shit my ex pulls I only engage if it is explicitly about the kids.

It gets better/easier with time.

Post: #127

(04-13-2017 02:25 PM)Peekay Wrote:  The reality is that until the last kid turns 18 I'm going to have to deal with some degree of game playing from her.

Trust me, it's going to go on long after they turn 18. It won't end until one of you dies.

Post: #128

Damn! I was hoping it would stop after they reached legal adulthood.

Post: #129

(04-13-2017 02:51 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

(04-13-2017 02:25 PM)Peekay Wrote:  The reality is that until the last kid turns 18 I'm going to have to deal with some degree of game playing from her.

Trust me, it's going to go on long after they turn 18. It won't end until one of you dies.

I know a guy that knows a guy

Post: #130

(04-13-2017 05:15 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(04-13-2017 02:51 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

(04-13-2017 02:25 PM)Peekay Wrote:  The reality is that until the last kid turns 18 I'm going to have to deal with some degree of game playing from her.

Trust me, it's going to go on long after they turn 18. It won't end until one of you dies.

I know a guy that knows a guy

How bad can it be if you aren't forced to interact with each other? Counting down....

Post: #131

(04-13-2017 02:51 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

(04-13-2017 02:25 PM)Peekay Wrote:  The reality is that until the last kid turns 18 I'm going to have to deal with some degree of game playing from her.

Trust me, it's going to go on long after they turn 18. It won't end until one of you dies.

Hey Turnus,

Could you elaborate on this a bit? I was thinking about this last night and was wondering just how bad it could be after the kids turn 18.

The only time I engage my ex is when it is time to make plans for visitation. She lives in the Mid-West U.S. and I live in the Pacific NW U.S. so the logistics require active communication with her. I was assuming that once the kids turned 18 I would never have to talk to her again; she can send as many texts as she wants and I can ignore them like I do now when they do not involve the kids.

If you or anyone else can share how an ex can continue to mess with you after the kids have grown up I would appreciate it. I automatically assume the worse case scenario with my ex, but maybe I have not heard or seen what the worse case scenario can be for the long term.

Post: #132

(04-14-2017 08:35 AM)Peekay Wrote:  

(04-13-2017 02:51 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

(04-13-2017 02:25 PM)Peekay Wrote:  The reality is that until the last kid turns 18 I'm going to have to deal with some degree of game playing from her.

Trust me, it's going to go on long after they turn 18. It won't end until one of you dies.

Hey Turnus,

Could you elaborate on this a bit? I was thinking about this last night and was wondering just how bad it could be after the kids turn 18.

The only time I engage my ex is when it is time to make plans for visitation. She lives in the Mid-West U.S. and I live in the Pacific NW U.S. so the logistics require active communication with her. I was assuming that once the kids turned 18 I would never have to talk to her again; she can send as many texts as she wants and I can ignore them like I do now when they do not involve the kids.

If you or anyone else can share how an ex can continue to mess with you after the kids have grown up I would appreciate it. I automatically assume the worse case scenario with my ex, but maybe I have not heard or seen what the worse case scenario can be for the long term.

I'd appreciate that too. I can imagine this would be an issue if you were paying alimony, or there were grandkids and everyone lives in a small town where they have to run into each other. Or if you are still emotionally/financially attached to your ex. But aside from that, I dont see a reason why you would engage your ex outside of events for the child.

Post: #133

Yeah I'm not seeing where this is an issue once the kids have turned 18 and the child support ends and the parenting agreement becomes null and void. Even with long term alimony which I'm stuck with, I could be anywhere in the country and just mail the payment to the government agency and never have to see the ex. Sure, you have to see her at weddings, college graduations and other special events but that's it though. Those events are far and few between. I have a friend whose been divorced for 20 years and he hasn't seen his ex since his kids went off to college many years ago, only had to interact with her to pay his alimony off which he just finished. It's definitely not like the day to day bs you have to go through when the kids are still young. I think guys need to explain things better rather than just making off the cuff remarks. Seems like we have a bunch of newer members who are older guys doing this lately and its making the 40+ and other older guy threads unreadable.

Post: #134

I think the point is that if you're both involved in your children's lives it doesn't just stop when they turn 18. There's graduations, marriages, births, grandkids life events, etc. My parents got along reasonably well and are able to attend functions like that together but I've heard horror stories from friends where the parents are bitching at each other at their kids graduation or wedding. That's nuts, I just ignore my ex for the most part when we are at the same event, the kids are fine running back and forth between us to play or hang out.

Post: #135

I suppose, if people are ego maniacs and they act like bitter, bickering idiots, when they have sit together in the same room for two hours. It reminds me of those ridiculous divorces from the 70's and 80's, where people are "at war" for the rest of their lives. What a miserable way to live your life after divorce, who cares, put it in the past and put your precious ego aside. Besides that, I only have my perspective, and I dont have any financial attachment to my ex other than CS, so I am literally counting down the minutes.

Post: #136

I have to meet with the GAL on Monday evening. He is a contemptible piece of shit.

One of the bailiffs was telling me that he is friends with a guy who knows him and the GAL will get trashed and make random drunken calls. The bailiff told the judge and she refused to believe him.

The GAL is a large guy. Think of the guy who gets drunk and clasps your hand and smacks you on the back and laughs uproariously. That is him.

He never turned over the session notes from his meeting with my ex and the girls or his final report to the court where he justified why the ex should get more time than me. I asked him for this and also told my former attorneys to get it from him. He never met with me and the girls.

The ex's attorney asked that he be reappointed since he is "intimately familar" with the case. I objected but the judge agreed.

I am now representing myself. I told the judge there is no more money for lawyers. She told me I had to pay $1750 to the GAL. Half of his retainer.

He has already sent out a $900 bill. He claims it took him two hours (at $450/hr) to review their claims and my responses. Fuck all of them!

Most recently the ex took the girls to Missouri and never told me. I spoke to my former in-laws in July and they said they would like to see the girls in August. No hard dates.

Monday the ex texts me that they are leaving for MO the following day and I will get them back on the 11th. No prior notice.

I texted my former in laws the following day asking them to confirm that the girls were with them. They responded that they were getting them later in the week.

Two minutes later the ex texted me where they were (not what she originally said) and that the former in laws were picking up later in the week.

I'm tired of this bullshit. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean anything. But I am tired of the ex doing whatever she wants and I am supposed to sit back and take it.

I want to tell the judge, her attorney and the GAL what I think of them and what I want to do to all of them. But that doesn't help me. THey can just point and say

"See! Caractacus Potts is crazy. He needs to be kept away from the kids. (and needs to pay all of the bills."

I'm tired of all of this shit.

DOes anyone have any recommendations?

I'm drunk rightnow by the way. lol

Post: #137

I met with the GAL earlier. He kind of listened to what I had to say. The biggest take away is that he told me he is going to recommend to the judge that my daughter and I not have our time diminished. He said that is only going to hurt her.

He told me to get ready - that the judge is probably going to dress me down for some of my texts. Whatever. I will check back in on Wednesday.

CP

Post: #138

I was back in court this morning. The GAL was there, her lawyer and I was representing myself. It was a busy morning and my case was called 40 minutes late.

The GAL spoke first. He took it upon himself and took me to task for the one and only text that I sent to my older daughter regarding her "mother's affair partner." I don't know if his plan was to beat me up so the judge wouldn't do it or not. I am ever so slightly giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Her attorney got shot down on some of his requests. The judge ordered me to see a counselor because of my anger issues. I told her that my employer has an employee assistance plan (EAP) and that I will speak to someone.

She said, "no, no, no. You have to go back to Dr. G or someone else that is acceptable to the parties." WTF? They have to make sure that the gravy train to their accomplices keeps rolling. She gets paid. The ex's lawyer gets paid. The GAL gets paid. The anger management counselor gets paid. It really is a scam.

I brought up to the judge that school starts in less than two weeks (8/21) and the ex had not enrolled our daughter. She also had not paid her share of last year's tuition. I paid my share and I paid to enroll our daughter in 7th grade.

I asked the judge to remind her lawyer that per the terms of the settlement agreement that she is required to stay at the school through 8th grade. Her lawyer followed up that as the primary residential parent she has final say on schools. "Besides, he said, "ex-w already told Caractacus about changing schools."

Absolutely false. The judge said that she couldn't remember what was in the SA so I read it aloud and handed it to her. She glanced at it and said ,"Mr. Potts I know you think you know what it says but I am not sure that you are 100% right." WTF?

We all have to meet back on Sept 18th for a status update. Her attorney then asked that my parenting time be cut to every other weekend. I started to bristle but held my tongue. THe GAL cut in and said that we should wait to see what happens over the next few weeks.

When I got outside I told the GAL I absolutely will not surrender any time with my daughter. He told me let's all meet up and see what we can figure out. Yeah, lets all get together (at $450/hr- just him) and see how we can screw CP anymore than we already have.

I am debating if I go back to work or just grab a drink.

Post: #139

Uggh man I'm so sorry, this is so gut wrenching to read. You're right though the divorce system is a total scam and is about nothing more than lawyers, GALs and the state getting paid at the expense of the male participant. All of this just to get to spend some time with your kids. Do your best to hang tough man.

One question for you though, how are your kids feeling about all of this? Are they mad at their mother for wanting to restrict time with their dad? How do they feel about mom's boyfriend?

Post: #140

Post: #141

(04-13-2017 02:25 PM)Peekay Wrote:  I got divorced in 2008 and because we have kids together it's difficult to totally escape the mind games. About twice a year I get texts from the ex telling me how much she hates me and detailing her numerous affairs. In addition to this about twice a year I get texts from her apologizing and attempting a reconciliation.

I know this is an old post, but if she's bothering to do this, it's because she still hates you. Love and hate are two horns on the same goat. Bitch thinks about you every day, even while she's blowing other dudes.

I'll bet you don't think about her while you're balls-deep in some slut.

Post: #142

Hey Caractacus Potts, wanted to check in and see what's new with your situation...