Post: #1

So my Ex and I broke it off yesterday. We've been with each others for 3 years, relationship has been good for the most part but I am not ready to commit or have kids. For that reason alone, it's pretty much gg for the relationship. "I don't just want to be the girlfriend", that's another part of her reasoning. It sucks because I did love her. Now, I am just trying to get myself back together. Feel sort of loserish because I moved back with my folks. Now I am just going to try to keep working out, box, and try to keep my mind of it.

Post: #2

Welcome back to the club. It only gets better from here.

I actually just went through a similar situation earlier this year.

Moving in with your folks will save you $$$, use this as an opportunity to spring board yourself back to life.

Post: #3

You gotta start from the bottom to build a solid foundation dude.

I left a LTR about 5 months ago. Had a shit box car that was barely running and was technically homeless for 3 months and had to move in with my mum for a couple of weeks.

Still didnt stop me from living my life and banging some of the hottest girls I've ever had.
Keep on your path, keep on your purpose and you will come out the other side awesome.

Good luck.

Post: #4

Thanks guys. Just have to take it one day at a time and man up.

Post: #5

We have all been there, man. Each one of these men have had something happen in their life where the blinders come off and see reality. As you said, take it day by day and continue on focusing on number one, YOU.

This process will suck for a while. Your ex girlfriend is selfish because she was trying to rush you into something you were not 100% sure you wanted. My best bet is that she will come crawling back and hop on the apology bus begging you to take her back. Do not let her back into your life.

Right now, focus on yourself and make yourself more badass than you already are. Travel, do something that will make you feel like you're invincible, anything that will take your mind off her. You will be much more satisfied in life when you create your own experiences instead of being in the passenger seat.

Post: #6

(09-13-2015 05:37 PM)Raccoonpaw Wrote:  Feel sort of loserish because I moved back with my folks.

Just have a story ready for why you moved back in with your folks, the real story should be perfectly fine: was in a long term committed relationship, we broke up, I moved in with my folks before deciding what I was going to do, blah blah.

I recently had a similar situation, and, I quickly figured out: Girls will look past almost anything. As long as the like YOU, they will rationalize almost anything. And, what I also quickly found out, constantly having to go to chicks places instead of them coming to you isn't as bad as I once thought it would be. It's actually pretty nice. True, I had to drive to them, but therefore, I got to eat their food, and drink their booze, and bang and blow my nut all over their bed. Then use their shower, and (sometimes) shit in their toillete. Then, once I was done, I would leave, no worrying about when they would leave, or if they would make a surprise visit. When I wanted to be gone, boom, I was gone.... It was great, then off to my own private sanctuary where most of them didn't even know where it was.

Post: #7

Lol, that's one way to see it. I never thought of it that way. Yeah, so far I've been doing okay. I got all pussied up when I deleted her pictures from my hard-drive. I am trying to use this pent up energy working out or other stuff.

Post: #8

Abundence. Girls can never hurt a man with options. Get your options, build a harem, and welcome back.

Post: #9

Once you are able to go to a bar and have a good chance of pulling a chick you really stop caring

Post: #10

it's been a almost 2 months now. I made the mistake of talking to her again during the middle of October. We actually went to a Halloween party together. I got sucked in because I thought in back of mind I can salvage this, I mean we've been with each other for almost 3 years. So anyway, during the Halloween party we have a few drinks, get drunk, make out and tell each other the whole I love you stuff. Fast forward 2 weeks later, her dad who she hates is sick and she wanted some comforting. Basically she was saying shit how she is worthless and shit, how she doesn't have shit. No kids, she's in love with someone who doesn't want to engage now etc.(this was all through text)

Anyway, I told her she has a pretty good in the sense that at least she isn't a child soldier in Africa forced to fight. I was trying to show things in a different light. She was pissed, in a sense said she can't be with someone who is unsure of stuff, she doesn't want to be just the girlfriend. Here's a bit of what she said. "Everything you And all of my other ex refuse to provide even tho I treated you all the same. Good bye. Please don't write me anymore." "I want this to END. Because I want a LIFE. With positive HOPES and PLANS. And I will NOT see you as anything seriously any more because you do not WANT to put a ring on my finger and MAKE it serious."

There's more but you get the idea. At the end she told me to basically fuck myself. I take blame this for diving back in. She wants to get engage now because after 3 years I should know or not apparently. That text exchange was last thursday and since then the past few days have been weird for me. I've been working out still, played some poker(trying to get into that on a serious level), my friends told me it's a good idea we're not together. In back of my mind I thought what if she was the one.(btw, this was my first long term relationship)

So yeah, that's a quick update lol. It's hard for me to try to go bars and pick up chicks since I can say I have no game. Maybe that's why I've been all bummed out. I guess the routine of it I miss. As I am writing this I sound like a big puss don't I?

Post: #11

(11-09-2015 09:34 PM)Raccoonpaw Wrote:  So yeah, that's a quick update lol. It's hard for me to try to go bars and pick up chicks since I can say I have no game. Maybe that's why I've been all bummed out. I guess the routine of it I miss. As I am writing this I sound like a big puss don't I?

Figure out what it is you want, you want the comfort and security of constant pussy and the safety net of a LTR, or do you want the freedom of being single with the potential highs and lows that may come from it?

Sounds like you're kind of torn, she may have been a bit rash and harsh with all her "fuck you" talk, but in a way she's got a point. At least she's being real and letting you know she wants commitment, if you can't, won't, or don't want to give it to her, than cut her out of your life completely and move on, all this two steps forward, two steps back shit isn't going to work for you.

Post: #12

There is no "one". There are just different girls with varying degrees of compatibility with you and varying degrees of character traits compatible with marriage in general. It's up to you to decide if she is up for it, and if you are up for it.

Post: #13

I just felt like after 3 years things shouldn't automatically go to engagement right away. I didn't feel like I was ready because of economical reasons and also, have a title of being engage won't change anything. I felt like if our situations were better in terms of job, economic stuff etc, it would lead to that but she didn't want to feel unsure. Also she's 33 going on 34. I am 28.

@poutsara: she did, she did all that stuff. She is the girl I eventually want to marry.

Post: #14

(11-09-2015 10:09 PM)Raccoonpaw Wrote:  Also she's 33 going on 34. I am 28.

Nuff' said, it's time to hit the skids on your relationship with her, no way I'd ever recommend wifing up a woman 5 years older unless she's an ageless dime with cash. If you get your shit together you can be out there picking up girls in their early twenties, which is much more preferable.

Post: #15

(11-09-2015 10:09 PM)Raccoonpaw Wrote:  Also she's 33 going on 34. I am 28.

Woah woah woah, this one is kinda huge. No wonder she's getting impatient and wanting to settle down, she's 34 and her ovaries are drying up. Do her a favour and don't waste anymore of her time so that she can move on with finding someone to have kids with.

As for the three years thing, yes it's a sunk cost.... it's done now - There's nothing you can do to change the past. Now don't invest anymore of your future time into it.

Good luck, chin up bro.

Post: #16

Thanks dudes. Yeah, at this point It's done. Even with we got engage, she would have wanted kids like right away even though she wanted to plan everything out. Oh well, have to move on and try to improve my game one step at a time.

Post: #17

Congratulations

Post: #18

Most of what needed to be said has been said already but one thing:

Do NOT under any circumstances hang out with the ex in the future; especially night activities involving alcohol. From the way you are talking and how this chick is acting, you are a prime candidate for a post-break up accident kid. You have expressed mixed feelings and she is dying for a kid/purpose in life/feels like she has wasted substantial time (she has).

That said, mid-30s women without kids are some of most mercenary cunts on Gods green earth and many truly see you as nothing more than a sperm donor and ATM. Throw in the emotional attachment and resentment plus wasted time factors in your particular case and its only a matter of time before she calls you up one late night for a rawdog session and she got you by the balls for the next two decades.

Stay frosty.

Post: #19

That real talk. Thanks, my plan was to finish school, get a better job and when the time is right, you know. Since she's pushing 34, she can't wait and take that risk of waiting. Funny thing is that she said during our second year she said she saw me as her husband. She considered me her best "boyfriend" but now I have to take that with a grain of salt. She had 5-6 long term relationships. Plus she has daddy issues...

Post: #20

Black Knight is absolutely right. I have seen it with a very close friend.

Post: #21

I thought this thread was to do with the OP confessing an admiration for a homosexual guy. Poof is a British term for homosexual.

Post: #22

(11-09-2015 10:09 PM)Raccoonpaw Wrote:  Also she's 33 going on 34. I am 28.

If you're 28 then your future wife is about 10-12 yo right now. You've got about 12 years to go out live your life, bang as many hotties, sluts, chubsters,etc. build a business, learn and generally have the experiences you need in order to be the man she will want and need you to be when she gets old enough.

Post: #23

Haha @ Moma, I didn't know that. Over there Fag is a cigarette right?

Yeah, you're right. I just never realized how hard it is in terms of getting over it even though. I have to learn most of those things one day at a time. One thing I am focusing on is getting in shape because I know that's a bonus not for just getting chicks but for myself. One thing I sort of wish is that this happened a bit earlier in my life instead of now but it happened, so I can't really dwell on it. When someone you "loved" sends you something like this "So Fuck you. Fuck the sperm that made you. And Fuck the stem cells that made the stupid brain you have", it kind of makes you think. This woman is going on 34 and this looks like something a raging kid would write. Just opened a tinder account but I know that is a small start, the real test is going to a bar by myself and approach.

Post: #24

yes racooon, a fag is a cigarette lol.

Post: #25

(11-14-2015 02:26 PM)Raccoonpaw Wrote:  Haha @ Moma, I didn't know that. Over there Fag is a cigarette right?

Yeah, you're right. I just never realized how hard it is in terms of getting over it even though. I have to learn most of those things one day at a time. One thing I am focusing on is getting in shape because I know that's a bonus not for just getting chicks but for myself. One thing I sort of wish is that this happened a bit earlier in my life instead of now but it happened, so I can't really dwell on it. When someone you "loved" sends you something like this "So Fuck you. Fuck the sperm that made you. And Fuck the stem cells that made the stupid brain you have", it kind of makes you think. This woman is going on 34 and this looks like something a raging kid would write. Just opened a tinder account but I know that is a small start, the real test is going to a bar by myself and approach.

She's not really angry at you (though she thinks she is) She's really angry at the entirety of her past decisions that have led her to being 34, unmarried, and childless.

Think of it this way, if she TRULY. purely loved you as a person, not what you represent to/for her, she'd say to herself "You know RacoonPaw would be better off with someone younger, and more able and willing to wait for him to be ready to take on the responsibilities of being a husband and father"...right? Just like you have...right? Won't ever happen though...right?

Short version....The hard part of "getting over" any significant (perceived) life changing event like the end of a monogamous LTR is just human nature. It's a form of fear. Change by definition is going from the known (in this case an LTR) to the unknown (chicks you've never even met yet) Fear of the unknown is wired into us by evolution as a self preservation mechanism:Example-A known cave is a safe haven/ refuge. Running into an unfamiliar cave is likely to get your ass eaten.

What you're feeling right now is basically a version that form of fear of the unknown. Conquering that fear is basically just changing the perspective from a point of what you've lost (known LTR) to what you've gained (opportunity for new ass).

One of the best things in life is new ass. That's why God keeps rolling out a new crop of 18+ yo's chicks every year. That's also why the following statement is true:

"Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one"-Anonymous