Post: #1

As most information on self-improvement is written specifically for extroverts or strongly encourages pursuing an extroverted lifestyle (high-volume approaching, building large social circles, etc.), I wanted to share some advice written specifically for the entry-level introverts in the community. There is no "one size fits all" approach to self-improvement, but hopefully my own successes and failures over the past few years can point our batch of new members in the right direction.

Introduction
Most men can quickly come to terms with having an introverted personality after reading a few forum posts or blog entries, but often make the mistake of accepting it as a character liability rather than asset. They read about the hundreds of approach attempts, wild nights at clubs, and stories of female competition within social circles from leading figures in the community, believing it's a prerequisite trait to do well in life. After several half-hearted attempts to pursue this extroverted lifestyle (often with the help of alcohol), old habits once again become routine, apathy sets in, and progress is lost.

With this in mind, it's helpful to understand the following:

• Introversion is a very common personality type. Natural introverts are no small percentage of the population; many people you know are simply feigning extroversion (at work, in clubs, etc.) the same way you may have in the past without success. Don't be fooled.

• Introversion is neither a weakness nor a flaw, it can be a tremendous asset in every aspect of life. You have the opportunity to excel in areas of self-improvement where extroverts often struggle (wisdom/knowledge, valuable hobbies, spiritual growth, etc.) which provides a competitive advantage in a crowded dating market. Concentrate your efforts here.

• Introversion/extroversion is not a dichotamy; there are various levels and many people fall in the grey area in between absolutes.

• Trying to live as someone you're not is a waste of your time. Honestly assess your level of introversion and adapt accordingly, without putting on camouflage. If you're not cut out for the party lifestyle and perform poorly in such an environment, why not focus on other areas where you excel?

• The key to maximizing your potential as an introvert is in acquiring hobbies and skills suited to your specific personality, and leveraging your natural strengths to end up at the same destinations as an extrovert (success at work, with women, etc.) All men want to end up at the same place, and many paths can be taken to reach it.

Optimal Traits
It's common knowledge what women, generally speaking, find desirable in men. The following graphic demonstrates that the majority of desirable traits can be exhibited by both introverts and extroverts, and that no major obstacles prevent you from maximizing desirability:



Using this information, the following are concrete steps you can take to capitalize on your strengths without overstepping the boundaries you've likely crossed while feigning extroverted behavior. While it's important to also improve in peripheral areas (e.g. social skills in crowded settings) there are often more effective routes to take. The less work, the greater the compatibility with your personality and the greater the ease of maintaining such a lifestyle over an extended period of time.

Music
Taking advantage of the solitary and often sedentary lives of most introverts, music is an extremely valuable hobby to pursue. A high degree of creativity isn't needed, but rather, a level of commitment, concentration, and focus that most extroverts simply don't have the time for. Learning to play guitar, bass, or drums provides you with the rare opportunity to play in a band - an entry point for building the small, reliable social circles introverts rely on as well as playing on stage and meeting women. As several members here and I can confirm, playing in a band opens the floodgate; women will approach you very aggressively, eliminating the need for high-frequency approaching. You're valued for being quiet and mysterious. You gain legitimate status in many scenes (for example, hardcore or indie) few DJ's can compete with. As an added bonus, with a girl at your apartment or house, instruments and rehearsal rooms are also great topics of conversation that will spark her interest.

Literature / Travel
Take advantage of your solo time by reading and growing in wisdom. Like music, this requires the concentration and focus most extroverts don't have. Read the classics, learn a language, and keep your mind in a constant state of growth. This also provides you with interesting points of conversation with women and can help compensate for your lack of energy, or weaknesses in keeping a conversation flowing. The more information stored in your brain, the more will come to mind in awkward moments when you need it most.

When it comes to travel, you have incredible momentum moving forward. Extroverts tend to travel with others, which often restricts movement and time. You have the ability to travel to any point on earth, do what you want, when you want, and with your own money. Book a two-week backpacking trip to Europe for vacation or Spring Break, and explore on your own. Meet people during your travels, write down your observations, and practice a new language to push your boundaries without exhausting social stamina.

Game
Focus on quality rather than quantity. Gaining confidence in your ability to speak to women can only be done by putting in the proper leg work (practicing, actually approaching) but this is still possible within the confines of your daily routine, and without exhausting your social stamina too quickly. Approach girls during your commute, while shopping, and in other natural settings to eliminate the need to set aside separate time. The trick is in maximizing the time you're already out of your natural shell. Since you might avoid parties, simply compensate for the time lost meeting people during the course of an average day.

Hit the gym, and frequently. Even extroverts with packed schedules have time for this. Regardless what kind of personality you have, looking your best physically is an absolute must, in order to make the most out of the fewer social interactions you likely have in comparison to extroverts. I would suggest finding a dedicated gym buddy for mutual motivation or joining a group, as introverts have a natural tendency of sliding off course without structure. After several visits, you'll quickly find the gym to be an extension of the "shell" you have at home, and no longer feel uncomfortable.

Post: #2

As a fellow introvert, i feel this is great advice for all introverted members.

Post: #3

As a natural introvert myself, this post really resonates with me. Thank you! You've convinced me that being an introvert is an asset in more than one type of situation.

Still, the biggest problem I see is in actually meeting women. My daily commute is by car. My car is parked directly next to my house and I drive to the office parking lot. Neither when I go grocery shopping or to the gym, do I see women I'm interested in (8's and above).

I still need to go to clubs, festivals and other kinds of parties to meet said women. These are high energy environments that require an extroverted attitude to have any success imo.

Living an introverted lifestyle to meet quality women feels like playing the waiting game.

Post: #4

I completely agree, it is a an uphill battle when it comes to meeting women as an introvert, just being able to put yourself out there in the environments, where the more attractive women frequent and being social is a challenge in itself. I am always seeking strategies for this problem

Post: #5

Quote:Still, the biggest problem I see is in actually meeting women. My daily commute is by car. My car is parked directly next to my house and I drive to the office parking lot. Neither when I go grocery shopping or to the gym, do I see women I'm interested in (8's and above).

You're in Holland, correct? Ditch the car and use public transport, at least occasionally. It may be a pain in the ass, but I usually get 20-30% of my contacts by approaching in trains and on buses. There will never be a perfect solution without changing your routine, so the key is implementing some minor variations through trial and error to find what works best (e.g. new locations for lunch breaks). Instead of searching for an 8-10 angel, make sure your game is top notch with 6's and 7's to help boost your confidence.

To give you some background, I work in an international field and spend most of my weekdays traveling within Europe. The airport is my home away from home. Since it's nearly impossible to have a steady routine and I'm exhausted by Friday, I began chatting up girls who work at the local airport who I know live in the same city. It's easy to identify passengers who live nearby as well (freshly dressed, look well-rested, etc.) Like others may have mentioned at RVF, airports are a gold mine!

Quote:Living an introverted lifestyle to meet quality women feels like playing the waiting game.

Even for extroverts, meeting a quality woman is a challenge. All personality types suffer from this frustration. Waiting for a girl to fall from the sky will inevitably lead to disappointment, so you'll still need to be active on your search regardless. The most a woman will ever give you is the opportunity to approach; since quantity of approachable women is an issue, make an effort to slam dunk the few opportunities you do have.

Passive game should be running in the background no matter what you do. Hit the gym, buy fashionable / high quality clothes, and have a professional photographer take pictures for your internet profiles. While it's foolish to rely solely on this, it should help build up your pipeline initially.

Post: #6

(08-12-2015 03:36 PM)Blick Mang Wrote:  Introversion is neither a weakness nor a flaw, it can be a tremendous asset in every aspect of life.

This is a really important lesson to learn. It can be reduced to embracing who you are and playing to your strengths.

Being an introvert will give you focus for hours on end, that extroverts can only dream of. You can use it to become a master in your area of expertise and greatly improve your financial position and self-confidence.

I don't have great game by any means, but something that works for me as an introvert is to tell a girl that I normally hold back (since everyone knows that I do), but for her, I make an exception because she's a special snowflake blah blah, and I am more open to just her. It has worked wonders in terms of time-to-bang repeatedly.

Post: #7

Great Post Blick Mang.

Also, if you feel uncomfortable going to places alone, such as cafe's for example, take a book or magazine along. It will substantially reduce any anxiety you may feel at being there by yourself when you "should" be with someone else. And for Heisenberg's sake. Use an actual book or magazine. Not anything electronic. I am often opened by girls in cafes because I regularly hang out in them reading actual books. It isn't in Europe, but here it's so unusual that their curiosity is piqued.

Another "trick" often used by introverts is to take up photography. It's pretty much tailor made for introverts. The camera creates a physical barrier so reduces anxiety, and it keeps the mind focused on the external world rather than the internal. Which provides a good break for introverts. I'm not naturally anxious and never got into photography, but am considering a photographic project. I am expecting good things.

Post: #8

(08-13-2015 02:20 AM)Blick Mang Wrote:  Ditch the car and use public transport, at least occasionally.

(08-13-2015 02:20 AM)Blick Mang Wrote:  Instead of searching for an 8-10 angel, make sure your game is top notch with 6's and 7's to help boost your confidence.

(08-13-2015 02:20 AM)Blick Mang Wrote:  Hit the gym, buy fashionable / high quality clothes, and have a professional photographer take pictures for your internet profiles.

All excellent advice, I thank you! I'm doing good on the looks and fashion part, but the other points are very useful!

(08-13-2015 02:20 AM)Blick Mang Wrote:  since quantity of approachable women is an issue, make an effort to slam dunk the few opportunities you do have.

This is the point where I feel accepting one's introverted self and embracing an introverted lifestyle falls short. By having this strategy I feel too much pressure is being put on these scarce opportunities. For me, such pressure leads to anxiety and bad game. I'd rather put myself out there, learn to spike my energy and force myself to be more social. I feel this, although not natural to me, will lead to greater rewards in the end.

Post: #9

Introverts are better at making connections and don't really thrive on superficial relationships like extroverts do. Yes, you may approach less people but ideally you'll be in a better state for it. Introverts get their energy internally, and need the time to get enough energy for social interaction. It may make things more difficult in some instances, but everyone needs to find their niche anyway. I think that's one thing that's sometimes overlooked on this forum, but it's really important.

Post: #10

Most extroverts I'd just call 'noisy morons'. Nothing to say and much energy spent saying it. On the other hand, introverts are basically relying on luck, or astute predators on their abilities, to get anywhere. Best just to aim for the middle, and get the right balance. You have to sell yourself, but you should have something good to sell.

Post: #11

(08-20-2015 10:30 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  Most extroverts I'd just call 'noisy morons'. Nothing to say and much energy spent saying it. On the other hand, introverts are basically relying on luck, or astute predators on their abilities, to get anywhere. Best just to aim for the middle, and get the right balance. You have to sell yourself, but you should have something good to sell.

Are you familiar with Naseem Taleb's books Phoenix? One of his "things" is that in most cases the middle is to be avoided. He proposes a "barbel" strategy where you spend most of your time, effort or resources at either end of the spectrum. In his view this is actually both safer and more likely to result in "success". For example in investing that approach would result in most of your money being put into very safe instruments, and the rest in ultra high risk, but potentially ultra high return investments.

It's been apparent to me, long before reading his books, that there is a problem with being in the middle. The "malaise in the middle" I call it. But Taleb describes the why's and wherefores very well.

In the case of extroversion-introversion, a barbel strategy would be for a natural introvert to spend most(90-95%, say) of his time in an introverted state, but spend the other 5-10% in an outrageous extroverted state. Think of someone donning a mask at Halloween, or the Venice Carnival, and behaving completely differently to normal.

The problem with the middle is that you're neither here nor there. Nothing stands out.

Post: #12

Here's how introverts can self improve:

1) Live in a walkable city center with hot chicks

2) Day game

Least energy spent best pussy smashed.

Post: #13

(08-20-2015 01:33 PM)Bad Hussar Wrote:  

(08-20-2015 10:30 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  Most extroverts I'd just call 'noisy morons'. Nothing to say and much energy spent saying it. On the other hand, introverts are basically relying on luck, or astute predators on their abilities, to get anywhere. Best just to aim for the middle, and get the right balance. You have to sell yourself, but you should have something good to sell.

Are you familiar with Naseem Taleb's books Phoenix? One of his "things" is that in most cases the middle is to be avoided. He proposes a "barbel" strategy where you spend most of your time, effort or resources at either end of the spectrum. In his view this is actually both safer and more likely to result in "success". For example in investing that approach would result in most of your money being put into very safe instruments, and the rest in ultra high risk, but potentially ultra high return investments.

It's been apparent to me, long before reading his books, that there is a problem with being in the middle. The "malaise in the middle" I call it. But Taleb describes the why's and wherefores very well.

In the case of extroversion-introversion, a barbel strategy would be for a natural introvert to spend most(90-95%, say) of his time in an introverted state, but spend the other 5-10% in an outrageous extroverted state. Think of someone donning a mask at Halloween, or the Venice Carnival, and behaving completely differently to normal.

The problem with the middle is that you're neither here nor there. Nothing stands out.

Post: #14

(08-20-2015 01:33 PM)Bad Hussar Wrote:  ...

In the case of extroversion-introversion, a barbel strategy would be for a natural introvert to spend most(90-95%, say) of his time in an introverted state, but spend the other 5-10% in an outrageous extroverted state. Think of someone donning a mask at Halloween, or the Venice Carnival, and behaving completely differently to normal...

In my experience attempting to be temporarily "outrageously" extroverted can for an introvert easily lead to displaying incongruent and unnaturally energetic behaviour.
At times where I've forced myself to be much more outgoing than normal in brief spurts (whether it's a weekend of partying - once I was past my mid twenties, more dates in a row than I'm used to, or just trying to small talk with a lot of random store clerks, waitresses etc.), I've sometimes - perhaps even frequently - given off an impression that seems a tad fake and in a number of cases have led to some lousy second or third encounters with people who had me pegged as an entirely different person after the first meeting.

For extreme introverts it might be necessary to force themselves to be more social if they don't want to risk isolation when they are past the years where at least a limited social life tends to come relatively easily (making new friends after 30, and retaining them, can be a hell of lot harder than during the first 20-25 years of your life for instance), but for me - also a major introvert, but one who thoroughly enjoys small talk, deep conversations, flirting etc. when I'm in the mood for them - forcefully dialing up my extroverted state tends to lead to cases of "fake it till you make it", but without ever actually making it past the too obvious faking part.

Post: #15

There is some good advice here but in my opinion this post, like pretty much all posts on introversion that I've found, kind of misses the point. I find it interesting to note that I pretty much follow Blick Mang's advice already. I studied in South America and learnt Spanish. I'm passionate about music, both collecting and playing/producing (not that I'm good). I read a lot about things that interest me and because of this make a pretty good dinner guest. I also have hit the gym for years and can get myself pretty ripped if I make it a priority.

However the real crux of being an introvert is this: 70%-80% of the time I just don't want to talk strangers. I logically know that I should if I want to pick up and I know it's self defeating if I just pass by silently, but it's an epic battle against my natural (or learnt?) distaste for talking in general. Hand in hand with this goes the very strong feeling that there is actually nothing to say. This is what led me to game. Wondering what the hell there is to say.

I appreciate the kind of advice offered here, but at least for me it doesn't deal with the real problem of being an introvert.

Post: #16

I think a lot of guys use the "introvert" thing as an excuse.

The whole point of going and doing things like nightgame(where you're doing 10-30 approaches) a night is you're training yourself to be able to be in that environment and make it work. The more you expose yourself the more you're better at getting into a social mood. Especially without alcohol. It's a damn good skillset to be able to approach and pull attractive women from cold approach when you're sober and like any skillset it requires a fuckton of work and its not pleasant at many times.

Of course you'll need to go home and recharge at certain times. And yes, on the longer term you can tailor your strategy to you. But on the short term I think every guy who wants to handle the whole "game" thing needs to go out and do a shitton of approaches. You're essentially rewiring your brain.

Post: #17

(08-31-2015 12:48 AM)Saladin Wrote:  I think a lot of guys use the "introvert" thing as an excuse.

The whole point of going and doing things like nightgame(where you're doing 10-30 approaches) a night is you're training yourself to be able to be in that environment and make it work. The more you expose yourself the more you're better at getting into a social mood. Especially without alcohol. It's a damn good skillset to be able to approach and pull attractive women from cold approach when you're sober and like any skillset it requires a fuckton of work and its not pleasant at many times.

Of course you'll need to go home and recharge at certain times. And yes, on the longer term you can tailor your strategy to you. But on the short term I think every guy who wants to handle the whole "game" thing needs to go out and do a shitton of approaches. You're essentially rewiring your brain.

Great advice and I fully agree. I think this gets more to the heart of the introvert problem more than anything else. It's basically suck it up and put your balls on the line.

For me, the single biggest factor is getting a good night sleep. It's something I've struggled with my whole life and is probably the real cause of my introversion. Feeling like shit because of lack of sleep makes talking to anyone, let alone strangers, pretty unappealing.

Post: #18

I'm a natural introvert and although I don't see introversion as a liability per se, I am trying to at least put the extrovert mask on as often as possible these days. It's a good way to push myself out of my comfort zone and will lead to growth on some level. I just have to not wear myself out and recharge my batteries regularly.

This is, however, still very good self-improvement advice for natural introverts.

Post: #19

(08-31-2015 02:25 AM)rasta87 Wrote:  It's basically suck it up and put your balls on the line.

This is akin to telling an NFL linebacker to "suck it up" and run when training for a marathon. While true, it's beside the point: why is he training for a marathon instead of focusing on his strengths? If you're an introvert doing 10-30 high-energy approaches, I suggest you rethink your goals/methods before you condition your brain to hate spitting game.

Danger and Play has some suggestions on his introvert podcast. My personal recommendation for night game: learn partner dancing (eg salsa, two-step, swing, etc.). While potentially physically taxing, it provides a legitimate excuse to limit social interactions, thus extending your mental energy reserves. Plus, it makes approaching a ton easier.

Other than dancing, I do daygame. Once the approach is done, no high-energy game required. Perfect for introverts.

Note: the approach and the interaction are two different things.

Post: #20

(08-20-2015 09:21 AM)Rang off the Pipe Wrote:  Introverts are better at making connections and don't really thrive on superficial relationships like extroverts do. Yes, you may approach less people but ideally you'll be in a better state for it. Introverts get their energy internally, and need the time to get enough energy for social interaction. It may make things more difficult in some instances, but everyone needs to find their niche anyway. I think that's one thing that's sometimes overlooked on this forum, but it's really important.

Agreed, unfortunately day game is like an introverts worst nightmare and will make most miserable. Not because they are shy or because they can't approach or anything like that but just because like you said superficial relationshis, small talk with no purpose, etc doesn't energize or fulfill introverts.

That's not to say introverts can't daygame, heck I can fake the funk long enough to get laid but it's not really enjoyable...the faking the small talk and what not...the gettinnng laid is always enjoyable lol.

Seriously though, introverts may want to choose to try to do their approaches within an activity so if you're into entrepreneurship or business go to mixers or get togethers for young professionals and entrepreneurs. If your into sailing or some other activity try to meet women there. Extroverts do much better interacting when they are passionate about something and in deeper conversations than shooting the shit about the weather.

One other thing I wrestle with with introversion is like some posters have said most materials out there on introversion seem to try to tell you to be an extrovert as opposed to knowing yourself and crafting things to where they benefit you. At the same time however I think there's some level of compromise where introverts should try to come out of their shell a bit so to speak, step outside of their comfort zone at times, but at the same time don't try to be someone your not or do things you dont enjoy. I think there's a fine balance.