Post: #1

Here's my story: been incel for better part of past decade. Got sex every now and then through women I met online, but no skill in day game, never been to clubs, don't know how to pickup a girl for ONS etc.

Started lifting recently but social skills are still grade F. Any pointers will be appreciated.

Post: #2

Stick around.

If you're still here in 6 months that will be an achievement on its own.

As long as you're willing to act, everything will fall into place.

Post: #3

You have to change your mindset, nothing is going to come up free or by itself. You have to change your lifestyle, pussy comes as a result of that. Begin by practicing a masculine sport: Krav Maga, Box -masculinity has to come up naturally. Salsa dancing classes are good for socializing with women.

Post: #4

I wouldn't begin by practising a sport . That's just delaying the inevitable. Your going to have to start cold approaching eventually : Why not start now ?

Do 100 approaches ASAP .

When your in the beginning to intermediate stages of game , literally any problems can be solved by approaching more .

No social skills ? Approach more
No active leads ? Approach more
Haven't figures out your approach style ? Approach more

Etc .

Post: #5

Keep lifting
Like Nas said ^, stick around the Forum
Read Day Bang and begin to practice
Read Bang (Optional)
Read the Approach Thread and get ideas from there and implement.
Develop an approach you're comfortable with (takes time) and make it part of your weekly routine.
In addition to RVF, Maybe read the Rational Male website. Through that and your interactions with women, you will come to understand the true nature of women so that you become desensitized (to the greatest extent possible) to their fickle nature.
You're still young so focus on career and building an attractive lifestyle.
Invest and save money ( at least 10% of income)
Get a dope wardrobe. Look at the Style Threads in "Lifestyle" on this forum for ideas: Think quality clothes that are fitted/tailored to your body. It will make you more attractive.
Try to have a place with great logistics. i.e., meet dates where you can quickly walk them or bounce them to your pad.
Have a nice, neat bachelor pad.
Try to find and get cool friends.

Post: #6

Read this guys posts. If this shit doesn't inspire you to do better, and be better, it's probably means you're already dead.

/thread-44564.html

/thread-47342.html

Post: #7

There is a thread listing posts that had 50 ore more likes, look for that and read.

Glad you recognized you want to change but don't give yourself too hard of a time.

Just read and practice.

But whatever you decide to do, just take some action. Even small steps help.

Post: #8

Use the search function to explore the wealth of knowledge on the Forum. You can find just about anything related to self-improvement here, from game and picking up girls, to health/nutrition and fitness, to style, travel, and business advice. It's a gold mine of information, and applied properly will radically change your life, just as it has mine and many others.

Also, check out Rollo Tomassi's blog The Rational Male-it's the perfect place to help you unplug from the matrix.

Oh, and welcome!

Post: #9

(05-14-2015 02:38 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  There is a thread listing posts that had 50 ore more likes, look for that and read.

Mining the RVF: A compilation of repped posts

Best of RvF: Posts with 50+ 'Likes'

Post: #10

Basically start approaching. Even if you're worried about awkwardness, go out into some huge city where no one knows you. Approach 200 women. You're guaranteed to get somewhere.

Start lifting. So much knowledge on here about that.

Get reading.

Get a hobby, preferably one where you can meet other non ultra-contemporary men and women.

Post: #11

Read the datasheets on the travel forum, pick a place and go on vacation.

Post: #12

Besides Roosh's Bang! books, I also recommend reading Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss, because it goes into everything: posture, voice, conversational skills, style, frame, etc. Also, read Chateau Heartiste's blog from the very beginning.

Post: #13

Approach. Approach. Approach. Learn by experience and failure. Repetition is the key to success. Put on some stylish clothes, go out and have conversations.

Post: #14

Well what do you look like? That's the most important question.

Post: #15

In a similar position (40 yo), with the social skills of a brick (due to being a loner for quite awhile).

My advice: I started out small. For example, when I'd go out shopping, I'd avoid the self-checkouts, and head to a checkout manned by someone. I'd then ask elderly questions, and just use some eye contact, and just be light. For me personally, this is a massive step, but it does get easier when you develop a IDGAF attitude.

As a former misanthrope/curmudgeon, I now try to smile at strangers, esp. older people as they seem more receptive (but try it on people your own age). I've now noticed that you start to feel good about yourself and life.

My next step is to approach females, but without a view to bagging a tel no (i.e. do you have the time? where is the nearest xyz?, etc). And to take it from there.

Post: #16

Once you've worked out what areas you will focus on (lifting, diet, approaching are all musts) achieve something small in each of them every single day. (I mean, if you are lifting 3 days/week then fine. But don't miss a day.)

And feel good about your small wins. If you are fat and usually don't cook a healthy meal, pat yourself on the back and write down in your journal that you made yourself a green salad today. And do the same tomorrow, but even more. Google "don't break the chain".

Post: #17

The number one thing to work on whether you're a newb or a grizzled veteran is your social skills, period.

She's been honing her skills since grade school, and has been approached 100-1,000 more times than you have approached.

Furthermore, developing your social skills pays dividends much greater than more sex.

To do this, talk to someone new everyday. All kinds of people: rich, poor, powerful, powerless, young, old, elderly, teenagers, grade schoolers, toddlers, men, women, other ethnicities, other cultures, people that do not speak your language.

Ask them what the time is, ask them about their day, ask them about their lives. Where they liked to eat, what they do on the weekend.

You laugh but there are posts on here from guys that are asking for conversational topics for dates. It's clear that they have been to the gym and read game material, but don't know general socialization.

If you don't run into strangers regularly, change your routine. Take a class, join a church, volunteer, play a sport.

What's different?

You're going to learn when people do not want to really talk, they give short answers and change their body language so you get the hint. This is where you have to withstand suicidal pressure to cut your chat short, and stay in just a little longer, to see if you can get to the next level.

The issues when you start approaching
- scared to walk up
- don't know what to say
- don't know how to keep going when it gets uncomfortable

So you start approaching regular people just to talk to them, and your game and your life will improve. You'll get over the fear that our culture has engrained in you.

Girls are not afraid of strangers (generally speaking) and they have been socialized to ask for any and everything that they want. They talk and talk and talk. They judge what you say, how you say it, and what you don't say. They will often confer with each other as to what things mean.

So if you're learning how to pick up women, talking is more important than anything else.

WIA

Post: #18

(05-17-2015 09:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  The number one thing to work on whether you're a newb or a grizzled veteran is your social skills, period.

She's been honing her skills since grade school, and has been approached 100-1,000 more times than you have approached.

Furthermore, developing your social skills pays dividends much greater than more sex.

To do this, talk to someone new everyday. All kinds of people: rich, poor, powerful, powerless, young, old, elderly, teenagers, grade schoolers, toddlers, men, women, other ethnicities, other cultures, people that do not speak your language.

WIA

WIA nails it once again, just go back and read a lot of his posts too, thats another good way to start.

Socializing and extending yourself socially(everyday) is really a fundamental piece of your recovery or entrance into your new personality. You are bettering yourself, and improving your personality. Which at some level is really having a flexible Ego to recognize whats wrong with yourself, and the desire and daily work in changing it. Most people are incapable of this at your age, and its good to keep yourself in check.

Look for ways to combine multiple goals. Crossfit is good because while you are getting fit, you will get sucked into the social aspect. You will also meet a lot of girls. Find a good gym with a lot of people. Physical>social>girls, boom.

Post: #19

Here is a beginner daygame routine for you. This is kinda how I started.

Start off with 1 approach a day.

Something simple. "Hi." A question. "Do you know where xyz is?" Or a statement.

Try to make the conversation longer, each time. Shoot for 1min at first. Work your way up to 10.

Aim for a number. Text for a date.

To this day, this is basically all I do.

For more details, use Roosh's Day Bang, and the ton of other stuff posted here.

The benefits of daygame will improve your social interactions. Online game will not. Nightgame is your choice.

Post: #20

(05-17-2015 06:58 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(05-17-2015 09:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  The number one thing to work on whether you're a newb or a grizzled veteran is your social skills, period.

She's been honing her skills since grade school, and has been approached 100-1,000 more times than you have approached.

Furthermore, developing your social skills pays dividends much greater than more sex.

To do this, talk to someone new everyday. All kinds of people: rich, poor, powerful, powerless, young, old, elderly, teenagers, grade schoolers, toddlers, men, women, other ethnicities, other cultures, people that do not speak your language.

WIA

WIA nails it once again, just go back and read a lot of his posts too, thats another good way to start.

Socializing and extending yourself socially(everyday) is really a fundamental piece of your recovery or entrance into your new personality. You are bettering yourself, and improving your personality. Which at some level is really having a flexible Ego to recognize whats wrong with yourself, and the desire and daily work in changing it. Most people are incapable of this at your age, and its good to keep yourself in check.

Look for ways to combine multiple goals. Crossfit is good because while you are getting fit, you will get sucked into the social aspect. You will also meet a lot of girls. Find a good gym with a lot of people. Physical>social>girls, boom.

This is a slight variance from the OP's topic, but I've wondered how to really work this type of 'group game'. I do great with girls on a 1 on 1 basis, and in small group type social situations (i.e. grabbing a drink with coworkers or networking events.)

I've yet to master crossfit and other similiar situations.. seems like the dudes with the most time in, so to speak, the seasoned guys in whatever niche your in, tend to be naturally dominate and protect their territory.

As the 'new guy' it seems you have to walk a line between being confident, but not overly domineering, friendly.. but not too friendly.

Idk, I've lived in 4 states in 5 years, so I'm always meeting new people as opposed to delineating my turf. Anyone have advice on this niche topic?

Post: #21

I'm 37, and just got back into the game last year. After reading Bang, and Day Bang, and this forum, I started building confidence with a very simple approach. Simply walking into a clothing store, and asking a worker's opinion of various clothing was the start. Then I made it a point to try and talk to every female cashier I ever encountered, whether old or young. It has worked WONDERS for my game. Now, if I see a female looking my direction at a bar, I use the same tactic of talking to them as if they are the cashier, but on different topics, such as "that drink looks delicious, what is that?" or something very innocent.

Seriously though read up on this forum, and it will also help tremendously, but you also have to get out and put the readings to work, and start approaching.

Post: #22

(05-17-2015 06:58 PM)Vaun Wrote:  Look for ways to combine multiple goals. Crossfit is good because while you are getting fit, you will get sucked into the social aspect. You will also meet a lot of girls. Find a good gym with a lot of people. Physical>social>girls, boom.

I am in kind of similar situation to OP and I can vouch for Crossfit social aspects. I am working out 4-5 times per week there since January (I live in Poland) and I can see it being a good place to start regarding things discussed here.

Post: #23

Firstly, thanks to everyone for their responses and encouragement.

(05-14-2015 09:03 AM)Nascimento Wrote:  Stick around.

I intend to. Seems there is volumes of material to read up and practice.

(05-14-2015 09:09 AM)Luvianka Wrote:  Begin by practicing a masculine sport: Krav Maga, Box -masculinity has to come up naturally. Salsa dancing classes are good for socializing with women.

Both are on my todo this summer.

(05-14-2015 10:06 AM)Sensei Creation Wrote:  Do 100 approaches ASAP .

Thanks, yes I've started working on this

(05-14-2015 10:30 AM)robreke Wrote:  Keep lifting
Like Nas said ^, stick around the Forum
Read Day Bang and begin to practice
Read Bang (Optional)
Read the Approach Thread and get ideas from there and implement.
Develop an approach you're comfortable with (takes time) and make it part of your weekly routine.
In addition to RVF, Maybe read the Rational Male website. Through that and your interactions with women, you will come to understand the true nature of women so that you become desensitized (to the greatest extent possible) to their fickle nature.
You're still young so focus on career and building an attractive lifestyle.
Invest and save money ( at least 10% of income)
Get a dope wardrobe. Look at the Style Threads in "Lifestyle" on this forum for ideas: Think quality clothes that are fitted/tailored to your body. It will make you more attractive.
Try to have a place with great logistics. i.e., meet dates where you can quickly walk them or bounce them to your pad.
Have a nice, neat bachelor pad.
Try to find and get cool friends.

All of this and similar advice from others noted down and added to my in-progress list.

(05-15-2015 12:35 PM)civpro Wrote:  Well what do you look like? That's the most important question.

Even at this age, I get complimented on being "cute", mostly due to my hairstyle and wardrobe. Looks have never been a problem for me.

(05-17-2015 07:46 AM)Druber Wrote:  My advice: I started out small. For example, when I'd go out shopping, I'd avoid the self-checkouts, and head to a checkout manned by someone. I'd then ask elderly questions, and just use some eye contact, and just be light. For me personally, this is a massive step, but it does get easier when you develop a IDGAF attitude.

As a former misanthrope/curmudgeon, I now try to smile at strangers, esp. older people as they seem more receptive (but try it on people your own age). I've now noticed that you start to feel good about yourself and life.

Thanks, I've been doing both of the above recently and it helps.

(05-17-2015 09:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  She's been honing her skills since grade school, and has been approached 100-1,000 more times than you have approached.

Thanks for bringing this up, its quite insightful.

(05-17-2015 06:58 PM)Vaun Wrote:  Look for ways to combine multiple goals.

This is a good idea. Thanks.

(05-18-2015 12:03 AM)memcpy Wrote:  Try to make the conversation longer, each time. Shoot for 1min at first. Work your way up to 10.

Thanks for this, another good tip.

(05-18-2015 09:33 AM)GoSkins Wrote:  Now, if I see a female looking my direction at a bar, I use the same tactic of talking to them as if they are the cashier, but on different topics, such as "that drink looks delicious, what is that?" or something very innocent.

I'll start trying this. Thanks.

Now for a short rant...

I noticed my social handicaps in teenage years but instead of fighting through them, I accepted them as a fact of life and focused internally on understanding my mind instead. To me social skills were just like a talent which many people were born with, and I wasn't, and therefore I diverted all my energy internally.

To go through superficial patterns of behavior in an attempt to win favors from other superficial people seemed a bit deceptive, so I focused on staying honest, doing the morally "right" thing in every situation, keeping my karma good (i.e. not making moves on taken women, not manipulating women into sleeping with me, catching fish and releasing it back into the water, and waiting for a reward of sorts). I believe many others would relate to this path towards adulthood.

In my last two relationships, I was cheated on and the pain forced me to realize that something needs to change in my life, and that is what brought me to this forum. I am happy to say that the encouragement from everyone here so far has motivated me to be optimistic about the future.

Yes its not possible to go back in time and be the best version of myself when I was 21, but it is indeed possible to make the best of my upcoming years.

Then, there is always reincarnation.