(12-28-2014 06:38 PM)robreke Wrote: (12-28-2014 05:52 PM)XXL Wrote: 2 things that really improved my game were learning how to GO IN STRONG & LEAD on every level possible even without needing a girl to put any effort into the interaction.
I used to be much more "careful" and too passive in general which in real life manifested with giving girls too much power in the interaction, trying to be too casual and "accidental", waiting for signals, etc. Basically I treated game like a dance where both parties put in their 50% so it can flow naturally. And because both sides, me and the girl, put in their half assed effort and kind of hoped for smooth sailing and waited for each other to show their cards a lot of times things ended nowhere.
Lessons learned:
#1. GOING IN STRONG
I learned that breaking the ice is done best when I take over the interaction with my presence and own it. Whether it's cold approach or introduction by a friend or whatever strong subcommunication [body language, eye contact, voice/projection] is the key thing that makes all the difference. When it's all there it just hooks. People notice. Girls perk up. Energy around changes. Balls are present. Vibe is set. Intent is felt. People focus on you. If interactions don't hook at first it's because of going in too weak.
#2. LEADING HARD
Leading hard from start to finish is the way to go. What does it mean? If I like a girl I talk to her whether she notices me or not. If she doesn't leave it's going good. Moving around early on by default even if it's just few meters. Talking about what I feel like or changing topics as I wish without trying to transition smoothly from one topic to another. Coming up with random things to do. Trying to move things forward even without having a plan. Constantly making moves whether overt signals are there or not. If things go nowhere later on it's because of lack of leading.
That's how I view pickup now. Go in strong & lead. This is it.
XXL,
This is excellent and I've been waiting to hear something like this. I have been too 'timid' and sensitive in my approaches meaning...if she's not giving IOIs or asking me questions about myself....I usually eject. I gather by reading this, basically what you're saying is you will stay in set literally until the girl walks away. Is that it?
When you say "going in strong" can you elaborate? I gather that to mean you're making statements, telling stories, asking her questions and playing of of that. In other words , you're just being very chatty. Am I reading you right here? Could you give an example?
OK
By GOING IN STRONG I mean simply strong presence in general. Verbal game is just one ingredient of that. That's why I emphasized that "take over" phrase my previous post cause essentially this is how it looks. You break the ice in a way that people instantly focus on you and pay attention to you just because you're loud enough, take up space and expect people to listen to you.
Good example is watching Denzel movies. I know it's all fiction but the way he carries himself as a character and especially how he introduces himself to others is what I'm talking about here. People just can't ignore his presence.
Making statements, telling stories, asking her questions [verbal content] is secondary to that. You can say "hey [little pause to catch attention first]... what's that?!" [saying it slow with clear voice and strong cheeky eye contact]. When you do it decisively like that [what I called strong] girl will stop, zoom in on you and listen to you trying to answer or just say something back. It's the power of "how you say it". That's why
breaking rapport tonality thing is mentioned in all pua programs seminars etc. Brad Branson even wrote a short book about this one little thing alone.
OK enough theories let's get practical now..
Daytime
Let's say there is a girl in book store near you browsing around and you want to chat her up. You look at her book and go in saying "hey [you speak clearly slowly and loud enough to catch attention, you hold strong eye contact, chin up, open body language, half facing her, etc]... don't buy that crap, seriously [you hold strong eye contact, you don't look around].. is it required to read for your studies or are you into psychology for real? [slightly breaking rapport tonality so that your question sounds more like a statement, holding strong eye contact, not looking around, your subcomunications convey interest, verbal content is whatever].. then don't buy that.. [little pause] really there's like 5% good stuff there.. btw why you're into psychology? do you like reading people?" [same good voice, face her more, looking straight into her eyes, relaxed body language].. [you keep on digging who she is etc cause you're interested in her]
You go in with strong enough presence for a bookstore to focus her attention on you. She should not ignore you. It doesn't look like you accidentally blurted out few words out over the shoulder commenting on that book. I should look like you actually wanted to talk to her and you're interested about what she says. It's engaging. That's the magic word. You're engaging right upon the approach. This way you are never creepy this way so to speak. It's the timid guys that creep girls out even before they open their mouth. The perfect balance is like a combo of stepping up to the girl but not hitting her. This girls can feel your presence. It's much better to go in stronger and leaving empty handed than chatting up meekly and softly trying to carry on that not engaging conversation out of pity doomed to bomb.
Lunch break at work
Let's say it's my break time and I go to kitchen to make a coffee. As I'm opening the door I see a couple of people there hanging out. Some drink some wait for coffeemaker. I open the door and I say just loud enough to grab everyone's attention "hi everyone, quite a party here [i move to the center of the room]... oh you're so unlucky [little pause, i talk to those who wait in line for a coffee] this coffeemaker breaks down every time I come in, we should bet who will not get the coffee today [little engaging small talk].. have you watched the game last night? [small talk to engage guys].. girls! you must have watched it, Real Madrid played in their new pink outfits how could you miss it?" [small talk to engage girls].
What happened? I went in. Said hello to everybody loud enough grabbing attention. Moved to the middle of the room. Engaged everybody with small talk. Threw some jokes. Dictated the vibe. Became the anchor of the conversation and the source of "good energy". Basically I turned sleepy vibe of the room into more fun and vivid. The verbal content is not important. You could say "I watched the last episode of smurfs yesterday.. guess what? smurfette got pregnant.. finally!". The takeover part is key. The way you focus their attention, they way you move and talk and set the vibe.
Getting introduced
Let's say you are invited to a party and you friend introduces you to her friends there. You can say hi and wave your hand or you can engage every friend one by one as you're shaking hands. My favorite way is spending few moments on every person to remember their name. So for example Jessica says hi. I'd say "the only Jessica I heard of is some actresses but they're not even real to me but now as I have a chance to meet real person named Jessica I'll never forget you" [holding strong eye contact and shaking her hand a little bit longer]. Stuff like that. And I say a few words [relative to their names or their looks/clothes] to every person when I'm getting introduced to.
Few times I entered the room and people were positioned in a way that I could run and high five everyone one by one left and right like a #1 star entering the pitch. It was great first impression.
Also the other way to make good first impression is to prepare shots and make a toast "to new friends" right after getting introduced. Works wonders 100%.
Party time
I was in a bar sipping my beer. I locked eyes with a girl sitting down with her 3 girls few meters away from me. We smiled at each other and I immediately put out my hand for her like I was expecting her to grab it haha. She stood up and reached out her hand too like trying to grab mine. It's on. As I stood up and started to walk up to them we were still having our hands reached out. So we finally touched and she brought me to her group. I said "hey girls look what your friend found!.. [pause].. is it because I look like Italian?". That's so superficial I even hate fucking pasta". Girls were happy to talk to me. Again, I engaged all girls at once. I leaned back a bit, talked bit slower and loud, held hands with one, shook hands with other, etc.
From distance it looked like I really got them on the hook. No guy would dare to interrupt me then so it looked like I took over the group.
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The one thing that all those examples have in common is making
strong first impression. Even when it's very "indirect" [most situations start directly] it's not gay/chode/blase/meek energy at all cause your overall presence/behavior/vibe determines how you come across.