Post: #326

What a thread! What a great place this forum is! In a very real sense you guys saved a life.

Post: #327

I read the thread, unbelievable transformation! I was surprised with negative first comments and then change of thinking.

Post: #328

(10-25-2016 07:31 AM)Chowder Head Wrote:  I'm a bit surprised that someone who received so much help from this forum isn't that active on it now. He hasn't been here since June. I guess he got what he needed and bounced. This is a thread that he should give updates on his life.

He kind of has a pattern of completely disappearing for a while, then coming back with extremely detailed updates.

Post: #329

RVF is fucking awesome! People reached out and helped this man! There is kindness and beauty here outside of the Everything Else section. This thread has restored my faith in empathy and humanity! People are really good at their core when they see another human in real pain and desperation.

Post: #330

Holy shit!
Just read-skimmed through the whole thing...
And I just got one word: Amazing

This thing was no less than a move for me

Post: #331

(12-03-2016 02:01 PM)Atlanta Man Wrote:  RVF is fucking awesome! People reached out and helped this man! There is kindness and beauty here outside of the Everything Else section. This thread has restored my faith in empathy and humanity! People are really good at their core when they see another human in real pain and desperation.

You should read RexImpersonator's thread. He got laid too after 12 years.

Post: #332

I agree this was a hell of a long read but well worth it. This is what the forum is all about. I wonder if greenman is still around? He hasn't popped back in the thread in over a year now. Waiting for the epic next update where greenman is now pimpin it with full on harem of ukranian models, or maybe a nice accidental pregnancy scare or something.

Post: #333

Great thread! Legendary work guys. Read this thread after reading the Rex thread and the similarities are there. Improve yourself and the results will follow. Looking forward to updates Greenman.

Post: #334

Bumping so we can get OP to 200 reps. Come on RVF you can do it!

Post: #335

I read the OP's original first post. Everyword. I couldn't help a stray tear come to my eye, because I can totally relate. I know exactly the frustration, loss of hope, the depression when all hope seems to be lost. But ending life is just stupid, so you trudge on with even the most minute spec of hope. Thankfully I went to Poland and Russia and got laid, even met the person I would have a 4 year relationship with, and believe it or not, they wanted sex more than me.

I mean, I got introduced to this stuff like back '07 with David D, just like him. I never applied it because it was so generalized, he would often have maybe 1 routine/line about a very broad point. Then I would think so mechanically like greenman. I had friends who just refused to go out anywhere, or even worse, would go out without me, and give me lame ass excuses for not inviting (oh I wasn't sure you would want to...)

I read the eBooks, bought dvd's and shit, went to a venusian arts bootcamp, went through my whole highschool and college days with no luck.

Like him, I traveled abroad to break the spell. I did get laid with 3 women, one who became my wife and later I divorced so now I am back to square one here in America, but with some experience with success.

This guy just inspires me. As he shows, there is no excuse for not approaching. He has/had the same issue with flirting and touching women like I do now.

This was a huge boost to read this guy's 2 year story. I am going to a boot camp in March, and I am already making friends who are more going out types, including a club orginizer.

Dude live on! I hope you will report back in. Commend the guy who resurrected this, I really needed to read it.

Post: #336

^Anarchist I responded to your PM by sending you an email instead as yours PMs are disabled by the way.

Post: #337

(01-04-2017 05:04 PM)Anarchist101 Wrote:  Like him, I traveled abroad to break the spell. I did get laid with 3 women,

Where did you travel too? Was it much much easier to pull when you were travelling?

I'm considering travelling with the sole goal of getting laid a few times, as it's literally impossible for me in the UK. Both you and the OP do better with girls than me, I can assure you of that!

Post: #338

(01-05-2017 05:40 AM)subterfuge Wrote:  [quote='Anarchist101' pid='1478367' dateline='1483567488']

Like him, I traveled abroad to break the spell. I did get laid with 3 women,

Where did you travel too? Was it much much easier to pull when you were travelling?

I'm considering travelling with the sole goal of getting laid a few times, as it's literally impossible for me in the UK. Both you and the OP do better with girls than me, I can assure you of that.

Just get yourself in a hostel somewhere like Spain, either as a travelled or a volunteer. Most girls at hostels are looking for it and not only that, the majority of travellers seem to be girls, I would say 10 girls for every 3 guys.

Post: #339

(01-05-2017 05:40 AM)subterfuge Wrote:  

(01-04-2017 05:04 PM)Anarchist101 Wrote:  Like him, I traveled abroad to break the spell. I did get laid with 3 women,

Where did you travel too? Was it much much easier to pull when you were travelling?

I'm considering travelling with the sole goal of getting laid a few times, as it's literally impossible for me in the UK. Both you and the OP do better with girls than me, I can assure you of that!

From 2000 to 2015 I had traveled to over 16 different countries. I love to travel, but I don't travel for site seeing and museum going. While I like that as well, and despite being naturally introverted, I go to meet people. I want to know what makes them different, and how they view the world. Therefore when I lived abroad I went to these four locations in chronological order:

Prague, Czech Republic: 3 months for TEFL certificate training

Kielce, Poland: 2 years of work and running my own business

Volgograd, Russia: 2 years of work and got my face on billboards at one point

Shanghai, China: 3 months internship for International Business Development

I lived in Kielce and Volgograd because I did not give a damn really for the touristy capital cities where I would most likely get sucked into my fellow foreign coworker's social circles. I went to those cities where English was least likely to be known, and the people to be stereotypical to that country. These were my primary reasons for choosing those locations. The results of choosing those locations were more of the "foreigner Effect". Since almost nobody in the States or any English speaking country for that matter, know about them.

Post: #340

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Post: #341

Um, I'm trying to post my update... but the forum is saying: "Can not upload file. Too large for php_post_max directive." Wtf does that mean? I'm not even uploading a file!

Post: #342

Ok, I'll try it one piece at a time...

Here's your update:

I think the last place we left off was in Thailand, where I was living with the Filipina girl. That relationship fell apart in January 2016. I think it had to do with these factors:

1) I didn't have a job, and she resented that she was working while I wasn't, especially since she was sending money home to her family while I was receiving money from mine
2) We just didn't have enough in common.
3) She sensed that I was really unhappy in Bangkok, and wanted to set me free by cutting the cord

I did get a brief English teaching job in Thailand - and by "brief", I really mean that. It lasted 1 day. It was in a far-flung town in some remote province that no tourists ever go to. No tourism, no farangs, no English. After a 6-hour bus ride, I get to the school, they plop me down in the teacher's lounge and tell me to wait. Wait for... something. Several hours go by, and nothing's happening. Finally, I decide to call the hiring agency and ask them what's up. They call the school, and then call me back, informing me that the school principle says that I'm not "handsome" enough, so they changed their mind. Really, that's what they said. This would have really hurt me, if I hadn't been obsessed over by 200 teenage Thai chicks in the school's cafeteria immediately prior to receiving this pronouncement. A hour of being stared at, giggled at, approached and asked "where you fom?" in broken English, and gazed at longingly and with awe by dozens upon dozens of teenage girls inoculated me against the principle's (clearly wrong) judgment, but it did cement my already growing belief that Thailand and I were not a good match. I always felt the country and I wouldn't get along. And there was the proof in the pudding.

On the bus ride back to Bangkok, I called my girlfriend, and told her I was coming back that night, and she told me to get a hotel because she wasn't letting me stay with her anymore. Dumped over the phone.

It wasn't that much of a surprise, since I had sensed it was falling apart. I had sensed it for quite a while. In fact, the expert Game player in me knew that she was getting tired of me, so I kept taking trips - first to Laos, then to Vietnam - looking for jobs there, in order to "give her the gift of missing me" and to play the "unavailable" card, and to give her an excuse to tell herself, "ok, ONE more time"...

And in the end, in our post-relationship debriefing talk, she confirmed that my strategy had worked. She kept telling herself, "ok, after THIS trip, if he still doesn't have a job, I'm dumping him." But then she'd start missing me, and when I would come back she'd be glad to see me again, and the process repeated.

Anyway...

When I got back to Bangkok after my modelling (excuse me - teaching) job petered out, I managed to convince her to let me stay for 2 more nights, so I could get my stuff in order. Then we parted ways, and I headed to Ban Phe (a little beach town about 3 hours east of Bangkok), where I stayed for about 3 weeks, thinking about what to do next.

After 3 months of huge, crowded, bustling cities and pollution, I decided to return to my roots. I needed mountains and forests again. This would clear my head and get me back in touch with my true self.

So I flew back to my old home in China. The same place where I had found my first two girlfriends, the Christian girl and the rich girl. I planned to spend the next couple of months hiking on the mountain and in the hills, and savoring the fresh, upland air that I had missed so badly when I was in Thailand.

And a mere 3 weeks after arriving, I met the next major chapter in my romantic story!

Introducing...

The Russian Girl ™

Ok, so this is gonna be a long one. Grab your beer and get comfy.

Post: #343

Ok I don't know wtf is up with this forum programming... I'm breaking the post into smaller and smaller pieces and it's still giving me the same error message.

Post: #344

I decided to look for locals on Couchsurfing to hang out with. I met a Chinese chick, hung out with her for a day, and then didn't talk to her again for more than a week. Then she texted me saying she wants to introduce me to some of her foreign friends who had just arrived at her hotel (she's a manager of an expensive hotel here).

I go over, and meet a Russian couple. Husband and wife, with a 2 and a half year-old daughter. We chat and have a good time. I tell them about the mountain, and how I know the secret trail up it where you don't need to pay the entrance fee to the park. The girl says she would like to go some time.

5 days later, we're hiking up the mountain together. We make it to about 12,000 feet, where we sit and picnic. We stare deeply into each other's eyes for hours. We both realize we might be soulmates.

The whole way down the mountain, we're finishing each other's sentences.

Guys, I have not met anyone else who I connect with on such a deep, fundamental, spiritual level. This is not the Filipina chick in Thailand, not the rich girl, not the tongue-talking girl. This was real. I had never met anyone like this.

And she felt it too.

But one little problem... her husband.

A few days later, she called me, almost crying, saying that her husband has forbidden her to see me or talk to me anymore. She wishes me luck, hopes I succeed in everything I'm doing, and bids me farewell.

But it's not over. Faaaaaaar from over.

I know what I'm doing, so I give her a few days of silence, to contemplate what it will be like if I'm really out of her life. Then, I send her a message. Immediately, we're talking again like soulmates, as if nothing ever happened.

Post: #345

***DISCLAIMER***

Before I continue with the story, I just want to say that I'm aware of the... let's say "moral downsides" of dating a girl who's married. I did a LOT of wrestling with this. I'm not just one to intrude on someone else's sacred bond. Moreover, I believe in some sort of God, and see the Bible as being a hit-or-miss description of his true nature and will, with some portions being accurate and some not, and recognizing that it's not always easy to tell which are which. In general, I believe that if someone is married, it's usually best to let them be, and that it's wrong to fuck a chick who's somebody else's wife. Usually.

However, this is not just any girl. This isn't some street meat that I found in Nana Plaza. This isn't some chick that I thought it would be more fun to be with than to be alone. When you're talking about a soulmate - a person who seems to be specially designed for you by God himself - especially when you've never ever had such a connection with ANYONE previously, EVER - it's not such a cut-and-dry decision. Do you really just walk away? Do you turn this down? Do you say, "sorry soulmate, but the piece of paper you signed takes precedence over the knowledge in our hearts. Have a nice life"?

Of course not. You don't dismiss them. You might not throw them down on the bed and tear their clothes off... you might not even put your HANDS on them. But you don't dismiss them.

So for almost two months, we stayed friends, and I made it a deliberate point not to have sex with her, not to kiss her - in fact, not to even touch her physically at all.

This was actually convenient for me, since Kino was always my weakest link. To tell you the truth, I must confess that I had always wondered - fantasized even - about what a really old-school traditional courtship would be like. You know the kind from our grandparents' time, where you see the person a lot, but don't touch them, don't stay in a room alone with them, and only see them on highly-structured, public dinner dates and stuff like that. It was a fantasy of mine. Maybe it's kinky, or maybe it's just the traditionalist in me yearning for the days of yore. Maybe I just really, really wanted to get to know someone first, to bond with them spiritually and emotionally, and have that as a foundation before laying anything physical on top of it. Whatever the explanation, it was something I always saw myself doing, with my eventual long-term girlfriend or wife. Maybe it was part of the reason why I sucked so bad at getting laid.

So I was cool with the arrangement. We really got to know each other super well. We collaborated on some projects for her hotel (she came here to create a cafe in the lobby of her friend's hotel). I translated her Russkish into English. I took her guests on hikes in the nearby hills, and gave them yoga lessons. She gave me gifts, including magical cedar oil from the remote depths of Siberia. We got to know each other better and better.

Post: #346

Then, one day, on a hike, while sitting down on a flat spot overlooking the city, she confessed to me.

"I love you."

Omg yo.

I told her that's a huge relief, because I love you too, and I was afraid to admit it cuz of your whole... um... husband thing.

We snuggled there on the hill, and experimented with very light, G-rated touch (my first time deliberately touching her).

Over the next few days, I found out that her marriage was not going well, and that she had been contemplating divorce for quite a while. Her husband is extremely controlling and obsessive (as I had already seen first-hand), and the marriage no longer felt right to her. For two years, she had known that it was in trouble, and for two years had been trying to fix it. She tried to be the perfect wife, thinking that the fault was hers, and that if she would only take care of him better, the marriage would heal. She had grown ever more exhausted doing this.

Before she came here, they were working in another Chinese province, and there she had finally realized that it wasn't going to work, and that she had truly made an error in marrying him. She fell into depression, realizing that her life was totally off course, and unfixable.

Then, they came here to create the cafe in their friend's hotel, and she met me.

She told me she was probably going to divorce him. A week or two after we confessed our feelings to each other, she went home and had "the talk" with him. He did not take it well. Apparently he said he would commit suicide if she left him, or something like that.

But after much more talking, she somehow convinced him to accept it. Or so we thought.

I felt some significant guilt at being the spark that ended someone else's marriage. But she took pains to detail to me how it was already over before I even showed up on the scene, and that at most I was a catalyst that ignited a keg already filled with powder.

This all happened in May.

Post: #347

In the beginning of June, she decided to tell him that we had kissed each other. That night, when I came over to return her bike that I had borrowed, he was waiting for me outside the hotel.

"Come walk with me", he said.

I knew what was coming, so I was very alert.

"What do you want? What do you want from (insert her name)? Why are you destroy my family?"

I tried to be as diplomatic as I could with him. I explained that I love her, and I want to do whatever is best for her. If that means she goes back to him, fine. And if it means she decides to be with me... then that's her choice, and it's up to her. I'm ok with whatever choice she makes, because I love her unconditionally."

His consciousness wasn't evolved enough to understand what I was saying. He sucker punched me in the face, and shouted a bunch of cusses at me in Russian. I stood there looking at him.

"Why are you staring at me?" he asked.

"I'm staring at you because you just punched me, and I'm keeping an eye on your hands to be able to dodge the next one."

"You leave my family alone! Get out of here! Don't come back! Never come to our hotel again! Leave her alone! Don't talk to her anymore! If you do, you will regret!"

I told him: "Look, you're going about this the wrong way. You don't control her. You don't own her. Her choices are up to her."

More cussing in Russian.

Then I told him: "Violence is not the way to solve this. I'm trying to be diplomatic with you. Can we try to solve this without resorting to violence?"

He looked at me for a second, and then he turned around and started jogging back to the hotel.

That was that.

I won, right? I mean, blow for blow it was 1 to 0, but I was the one standing there after he ran away. That means I won, doesn't it? It was my first physical altercation with anyone since highschool, so I'm not really sure how these things work.

Post: #348

Anyway, the next day, she told me that she's really sorry he hit me, and that we should probably not see each other for a while, in order to give Punchy a chance to cool off. I told her this was a bad idea, since it gives him exactly what he wants. Now he knows that in order to get what he wants, all he's gotta do is just hit someone. That's going to be bad news in the future, if she decides to stay married to him.

But she said we should avoid each other at least until the grand opening of the cafe (18 days later), because she was going to be extremely busy those days anyway, (understandably), and she would use the time to talk to Punchy and help him accept the fact that it's over between them. It would be easier for him to accept if he didn't have to look at me or see me hovering around.

So after the grand opening, we start seeing each other again. She assures me that her plans haven't changed, and that she wants to be with me, and is going to divorce him. We escalate a bit more physically, and we're now up to making out in the yoga room. We go on more hikes in the hills, where we divulge even more details about ourselves and our life stories. We grow ever closer and more in love.

I even start pushing the envelope of communication, by playing a game where we take turns revealing our deepest darkest secrets. Neither of us has anything truly dark, so we come up with a few things that are kind of unimpressive in the darkness department, but we share, and then reaffirm our unconditional acceptance of one another.

We also share things we love about each other: She loves my eyes and my face, and my voice, and my confidence, and like 20 other things. I love everything about her, including how she matches me better than any other person I've ever met, and how I can talk to her about absolutely anything and she understands exactly where I'm coming from. She says I can improve by reading more books and doing more exercise. I say she can improve by standing up to people who want to boss her around. Our communication is WIDE open, and we can literally share ANYTHING.

Seriously guys, this is unlike ANYTHING I've ever done with ANYONE.

Post: #349

Being with her, I've been inspired to accomplish many goals that I had long put off. I stopped eating mammals, birds, and junk food. (She's very into eating healthy, is vegetarian, and the cafe she created is about vegan, mostly-raw food, and so it was natural that my diet was one of the first things she inspired me to improve). I also drastically reduced my porn habit. Not eliminated - I mean, it's extremely ingrained after 14 years of loneliness - but I was able to reduce it to a fraction of what it was. I even got to a point where I didn't even want to watch it anymore - it was purely out of habit, and felt almost like a chore). But I wasn't sleeping with her yet, so I found myself each night alone in my room, alone with my computer, and so the temptation was still there, powered by incredible inertia. But it gradually reduced. I also started going to bed earlier, waking up earlier, pushing myself to hike further, and all sorts of amazing stuff.

Oh, I should also mention that I got a full-time teaching job, my first truly full-time employment in.... ever.

So I've got a job. I've got an apartment. I'm in a beautiful place with mountains and trees and clean air. And there's this girl who absolutely loves me and is obsessed with me and says I'm the most amazing person she's ever met, and is going to divorce her husband for me.

But for some reason she's always really, really busy working on her cafe, and doesn't have time to actually see me. She swears she's head-over-heels in love with me. But can't find time to hang out with me. We see eachother once every two weeks. Then a whole month goes by without seeing each other. We talk everyday. Every hour, in fact. We both have Wechat (the Chinese version of messenger), and are sending hearts and emojis and little love messages over Wechat on practically an hourly basis. We're sending incredibly long, complex messages about our lives, our stories, our wants, our dreams, our fears, our insecurities, and everything a couple of lovebirds could possibly talk about. We're just not seeing each other in the PHYSICAL more than once every few weeks. I did find it kind of odd.

Then, in August, she tells me that since this whole relationship started, and caused a crisis for her husband, she's been talking to him more openly and candidly than before, and they've actually managed to sew up some rifts in their relationship, and things are better. Not good - but better than they were before. They can actually communicate now, whereas before, they barely even spoke to each other. They would work together in silence, sleep together in silence. But now they're communicating again, and things have improved somewhat.

I know not to be clingy, so I say ok. If that's what you want to do, I respect it. (The last thing I'm gonna do is say "No! You promised you'd be with me! Raaaaaah!") I'm smarter and more Game-trained than that. So I play it cool. I figure I'll give Punchy McPunchington enough rope to hang himself.

She tells me that she's going to go back to Russia some time in early 2017, and there, if she finally makes up her mind about divorcing him, she'll file the papers. She can't do it in China anyway. In the mean time, she will totally understand if I want to date other girls.

So I do. I go out to the club, get some phone numbers. I hang out with this cute Chinese chick. We have nothing in common. But she's cute.

A couple weeks later, my soulmate and I go on another hike together. She asks me how I'm doing, now that our status is ambiguous. I say I've missed her quite a lot, but I'm handling it ok. In fact, I started dating.

Oh really? She's intrigued.

Post: #350

I tell her about the cute Chinese chick. I tell her I have nothing in common with this chick, but she's cute, and nice, and feminine, and would make a good wife. I could marry her. It wouldn't compare with being with my soulmate... but it would be satisfying, in a very basic, physical kind of way. And we do have a few things in common... we both like rice. And fish.

I say that, knowing that it's going to come out funny and slightly sarcastic. She laughs long and hard. We both laugh about it. We both know it's true. I COULD get any chick I want, here in Asia. She knows about my long string of failure in the USA, and about how Asia opened up the world of dating to me. She already knows about all that. So I reminded her that I CAN easily find someone in Asia, someone to take care of me, cook for me, have sex with me, etc.

But how many of those chicks are going to truly CONNECT with me, the way you do? How satisfied am I really gonna be, on a emotional and spiritual level, if I don't have YOU?

On the ride back, she holds me closer and tighter than on any previous ride.

As I'm driving, she confesses again how much she loves me and wants me.

She starts really falling for me again. We grow closer. We start making out again, this time in my room, with the lights off. Eventually we start inching towards nakedness.