Post: #1

I just tweeted this:

   

Like some of you may also do, I keep a few sets of well-placed condoms near my bed. Well, while restocking these stashes last night, I noticed this:

[attachment=18208]

If you can't make it out in the picture, it's a obvious V-shaped puncture in the packaging--one that likely goes through the condom below. It looks to have been made with a very sharp object. I only noticed because I felt the oozing lube on the outside of the package and decided to bring it into the light.

What's the point in telling you this?

Well, for starters, to advise you to check your condoms periodically. And, secondly, it's to recruit the detectives of the forum in my forensic work. I've already identified the most likely suspects. They're all rotation members who come over to my place with some degree of regularity and spend the night.

(names and non-vital details redacted for protection purposes)

Skinny Bitch
Skinny bitch is the craziest of the bunch, and therefore the obvious suspect at first glance. She suffers from a variety of problems you would associate with a relatively privileged girl who comes from money (e.g., bouts of depression). However, she's a heavy sleeper who never wakes up before me (i.e., has almost no opportunity) and who seems to have a stated (and credible) disinterest interest in having kids. That said, she expressed a lot of interest in where I keep my condoms in the past and playfully snooped around to find out how I "got them on so fast" (I'm astonishingly fast at getting a condom on, to be fair). She also seems bothered by the fact that I never commit to her, though I'm fairly certain she gets dickings on the side.

   

Tiny Bitch
Tiny bitch is an awkward girl whose virginity I took several months ago. She actually holds the record for the longest rotation member in my history. She managed to make it to one whole year, which is the fuck-buddy equivalent of being married for 25 years. She seems very comfortable with only seeing me like once a month, which is precisely how she's lasted. You can also attribute her staying power to her extraordinarily petite stature (and attendant tiny pussy), which fuels the boner. However, she's monumentally boring, and I hate myself as soon as I bust.

She's suspicious precisely because she's never brought up status or relationship-type question--except one time, 10 months ago, over text. I evaded that one move deftly. I can't help but think she's hiding something. Not only that, she's had the most opportunity. She always wakes up before me. I often wake up to her reading a book quietly next to me.

   

Young Bitch
Young bitch is the youngest of the bunch (over 18), and the most recent addition to the rotation. She's suspicious because she doesn't have a whole lot going for her on paper. She works a shitty job and goes to a shitty school (part-time). That said, she appears to come from a decent middle-class family and hasn't ruined her life in any perceivable way (has no kids, criminal record, or obvious emotional damage). I also found out that she's on birth control pills, with she didn't go out of her way to tell me. It actually came up in an entirely different context. She doesn't seem astute enough to have deliberately concealed that information until it came up randomly to lull me into raw-dogging. That said, she's from a small (semi-rural) town and probably has a lot of friends who got married and/or knocked up early (i.e., the behavior is modeled).

   

Other Possibilities

Former Rotationers
It's possible this is a condom that was in the stash for a long time and was punctured by a long-gone weirdo that came and went through the pad.

Accidental Puncture
This seems unlikely since there are no sharp objects anywhere near my condoms, and the cut looks to have been made with a tool of some kind. However, there's some remote possibility that it got punctured one of the drawers that I keep my extra condoms before they go into the "showtime" stashes.

Factory Puncture
It's also possible that it came like that from the factory, and that I simply never noticed. However, I'd be surprised that I didn't feel the lube before.

Opinions? Thoughts?
Should I confront these bitches one by one, like on a detective show? Let it go? I'm amused by the whole thing, but also a little alarmed.

Post: #2

Why would these girls do it?

Do you really think they want to have a baby? Are they all like that?

Seems like it could be an accident.

Post: #3

1. If you confront them, there's no way in hell that any of them will admit it, so that's pointless.

2. Raw dog. Problem solved.

Post: #4

None of them would ever come clean.

What would be funny is to act out this scenario with each of them:

You're both in bed, ready to get it on. You reach over to wrap up, but make your movements a little more obvious and noticeable this time. You pick up the punctured condom, look at it funny, and look at her with a cocked head and surprised expression, as if to say, "Well would you look at that!". You shrug it off, toss the condom aside, and put on a new, factory-fresh one.

If she's not the perpetrator, she might just say, "What are you doing?" and you say "nothing, I think this one's expired."

If she IS the perpetrator, you're sending a loud and clear message:

"I'm onto you bitch."

Post: #5

Yeah, I would! Even just for the hilarity of their reactions. Set up a candid camera for you only, so can rewatch reactions and look for inconsistencies in their story at another point.

Or you could just water board them until one fesses up!

Post: #6

Skinny bitch. Asking about where you keep your condoms? Dead giveaway. Plus, the most common way a deceiver attempts to deceive is feigning the opposite of what they want. In poker its the "tell" rule that fish act strong when their weak and weak when their strong, oftentimes communicating this unconsciously. For instance, the girl wants kids, understands you don't or at least not with her, so, she tells you a "credible" reason why she doesn't preemptively rejecting you in a sense to preserve her ego. Then she punctures your condoms... My advice? Get her out of your life.

But....I could be completely wrong.

Post: #7

lol - sometimes a crime is committed by the person you would least imagine capable of doing it.

But who would have the most to gain.

Therefore...

Maybe it was your Mom?

Think about it. She must want grandchildren!

Post: #8

"Maybe it was your Mom?"

^^^
Well this explains why you've never had a girlfriend.

Kidding.

Post: #9

IT WAS SKINNY BITCH

Post: #10

LOL cardguy -- that's in the movies. In reality, the crime is usually committed by the most obvious suspect.

Tuth -- if there was a culprit that came to your mind in a flash the instant you saw this, she's likely the one.

Very enjoyable post by the way -- it's been a while since the last full-dressed Tuth comic post.

Post: #11

(04-16-2014 04:53 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Tuth -- if there was a culprit that came to your mind in a flash the instant you saw this, she's likely the one.

Good point. I think intuition is often right.

Reminds of some study that said something about people who take exams. When not knowing the answer, often the first guess was the right one.

Edit: If it was skinny bitch like some claim, do we start calling Tuth, Popeye?

Post: #12

CLEARLY TUTHMOSIS HAS PLANTED THIS SO THAT HE CAN GET A CHICK PREGNANT. HE IS CLEARLY PLANNING ON BECOMING A FATHER BUT DOESN;T WANT TO RUIN HIS REPUTATION BE ADMITTING HE WANTS TO SETTTLE DOWN!!!!1

OPEN YOUR EYES SHEEPLE! THIS IS A FALSE FLAG ATTACK!!!

Post: #13

I noticed that the V puncture is almost perfectly aligned to the contour of the O. It could have been a factory accident, but the mark's seemingly punctilious positioning just coincides too much to human mannerisms to have been accidental, atleast IMO. Also considering the observation that it appears to have been very precisely executed (clear V shape) and carried out with a sharp object, I would have to believe it was intentional.

Maybe the V is a clue?

Post: #14

^^^HAHAHAHA

Post: #15

Post: #16

That's a very strange cut. What could make a mark like that?
The obvious things you'd have handy to punch a hole in plastic (A needle, a pen, etc.) wouldn't make an even V-shaped cut like that. The obvious thing would be a pocket knife; do any of them carry one?

Post: #17

Tuth, have you pulled the condom out to see if the condom has been damaged?

I will always run my hand over a condom now to make sure there aren't any holes.

Post: #18

If you have still got it there is likely still fingerprint residue left over. Now you dont need to do much but there are youtube videos detailing how to get fingerprints to show up and these wrappers are made of material which you can grab onto easily.

If you do find a foreign fingerprint on the wrapper you can do a system of deduction.

Post: #19

I'm going with skinny bitch, even though it seems too obvious to me.

Post: #20

Do any of the girls have a hobby that involves ceramics?

That cut looks like it was made using a clay modeling tool.



It can't be a drawer, as that would require a lot of force to even pierce the foil, let alone the latex.

I don't think that's a factory error. This video shows that there are no sharp edges used in the wrapping process.



(Around the 2:30)

Another possible cause:Whoever stocked the condoms at the store you purchased them used a box cutter and stabbed the outside of the case(The large box that carries the boxes of condoms.) the box cutter could have done that.

Personally, I think you have a conniving bitch on your team. You should "take care of the problem" and count your blessings over a nice ribeye.

Post: #21

My first suspicion upon seeing a large post from Tuth outside of ROK is that we're being trolled.

If you ask me, I don't think the pics of the girls are real either, clearly Photoshopped.

I will not be sending any cash or Bitcoin to a condom replacement or video security fund.

Post: #22

Or could this be a play up for "Jimmy cap it" the sponsor of the month on ROK?

Post: #23

The biggest mystery is why that condom isn't a magnum.

Post: #24

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
Sherlock Holmes

I got no clue, but I've waited years to use this quote.

Post: #25

They all did it.