Post: #176

deleted

Post: #177

(02-15-2015 07:53 AM)EpicBeta Wrote:  deleted

Such a tease...

Post: #178

This thread is quite extraordinary! I thought my Beta tendencies towards oneitus in my teens and 20's was bad enough but Epic Beta's 17 year fixation is something else. Glad you finally ditched her and moved on. Good on you for the self improvement.

Any updates?? New bangs/ relationships??

Post: #179

(02-18-2015 10:31 AM)Guitarman Wrote:  I thought my Beta tendencies towards oneitus in my teens and 20's was bad enough but Epic Beta's 17 year fixation is something else.

Hope it made you feel better to say that.

Post: #180

Thanks, it did Samsamsam. I'm not meaning to be nasty to Epic Beta, it's just that his story reminded me of my younger self. Although I pedestalized multiple unworthy females over several years, not one over 17 years of time which is what is so extraordinary about EB's story. Lets hope with the help of RVF that he is sorting himself out and manning up.

Hence my interest in an update.

Post: #181

Yo dudes! This isn't a very long post for me, but here's the TLDR - the 17 year girl and i reconnected around 6mo ago, spent some time, kissed and had drama. She ultimately decided she's in love with her BF. Yet she couldn't tell me that she'd never have feelings for me again, so I had to tell her that we we're done for good unless she has second thoughts. No communication for six months - good personal development & progress, some new lady friends, and then I get a text from the oneitis girl last night & I'm figuring out how to handle. Details in the full post:

--

Well it has been a VERY long time since I updated here, but a lot happened so I thought I'd share.

"Jessica" (17 year BFF girl) and I did reconnect. I couldn't keep avoiding her bc she was dating someone among my friends (the reason I stopped talking to her in the first place for like a year). So I called her out on pretty much everything, letting her know how shitty her actions were.

There's just no way that what she did was ok, and I've had my anger validated plenty of times. With the relationship we had, and me telling her I was in love with her, she never should've even entertained going out with someone I was becoming friends with. She wasn't even that interested and was still sorta trying to work things out with her ex at the time. If your best friend falls in love with you, and you need to start dating other people, you look else where. These weren't even her friends.

I ask myself if I could ever do that to someone I truly care about, and the answer is -not in a million years. I proved this when my ex's hot friend had a thing for me. I didn't consider it until I heard that my ex was cool with it. And then we banged. More on that later lol.

Anyway, "Jessica" and I start communicating again around last valentines day (forced into it), and I illustrate how shitty and narcissistic her actions were and that's why we're no longer friends. Then SHE suggests getting together to drink whiskey and bury the hatchet. I reluctantly agree.

She comes over. We go out for sushi, get wasted and it's just like old times. Later we talk about love, sex, we start kissing... But her guilt gets the best of her because her relationship has become quite serious. She gets emotional. Misses me terribly. Spends the night in my bed. No sex. Leaves the next day with plans to talk things over later.

Ultimately she can't do anything because she's in love with her BF and it's the best relationship she's ever had. But we have the talk nevertheless; I tell her that she needs to tell me she has no romantic feelings for me and never will. She can't say it. I practically beg her, but she says she'd be lying bc she's had feelings for me before and can't say she never again will with any certainty.

This is some horse shit. I was with my ex for 3 years and I know that I'll never want her again because I'm sure I don't have those feelings for her anymore. Obviously Jessica is not as sure, and is ready to let the cruelty continue indefinitely. That's when I draw the line once again and say that we can't become friends again. I won't see her unless she's having second thoughts.

It's not that I don't want her to be happy. If this really is the best relationship she ever had, and she's really in love with him, then she has to pursue it. But then she also needs to accept the cost of that.

So six months go by. I start seeing this hot co-worker who is friends with my ex. I'm getting lots of signals but, I still love my ex, who also works with me, and I respect her too much to do that. But then she asked my ex if she'd be cool with us dating, and she was. My ex and I had been over for years so there's a lot of water under that bridge.

So I start seeing this chick from work for a few months, ending my 4-YEAR dry spell. Ultimately her personality was too much for me and we ended. But she's definitely smoking; hottest woman at work and often the hottest one at the bar. Gets a lot of attention. So that was good for my confidence. She's in her 30's but you'd swear she's 26 - very petite, cuban & delicious.

Later I got to do some work with a famous PUA, who I do video editing for. He ended up coming to LA for some business and I spent three days on the field with him doing cold approaches, and filming each other.

Very cool guy and we're friends now, so I have a free pass to his bootcamps and can Skype with him any time. Pretty awesome resource for my journey of "beta recovery". Still have a lot of approach anxiety but it was a great experience, and I'm going to keep practicing.

Now I'm seeing a very sexy kinky 20-year-old college girl who sends me naughty texts almost every day. Very cute face. Perfect body. (feminist sadly, but I think I can deprogram her over time haha). So I'm feeling pretty darn lucky right now. Doing a lot of personal development, working out, and gradually creating the life that I want out here, finally.

It's been a steady 6 months of improvement. No communication with Jessica at all. She had said she wished we would've dated so I could see that it doesn't work and feel ok about it. I told her that it couldn't possibly work out any worse than the two of us being friends and what we had before is dead and buried. I'd only want to see her again if it was to explore what else we could have. She never followed up again.

Until last night I get this text:

Hope u had a great holiday
U kno I luv u
And wish the best 4u always

I haven't responded. She was a terrific friend for years and helped me a lot when I moved here, so I'll never forget that, and she knows she can come to me if it's ever a life/death emergency.

I thought about replying - "same" and leaving it at that. OR not replying at all.

Thought I'd see if anyone has feedback, but that's cool if nobody does. I think I've got this, but I wanted to update people who have followed this thread.

Hope all you red-pillers out there are doing well!

-EB

P.S. I recently hung out with her girlfriend at an event and had my 20yo chick with me and they we're chatting it up. I have to admit I was secretly hoping that would get back to oneitis girl and can't help but wonder if that triggered something. haha who knows

Post: #182

Side note: I had followed people's advice to never acknowledge her again, and I held strong. I stuck to it for a very long time and it had a serious emotional impact. If you look back there was one instance of us crossing paths where she tried to corner me and I played it cool - totally indifferent - not nasty by any means, just not giving her any of what she wanted, and she was shocked/angered. Months later we crossed paths again and ended up spending several consecutive intimate events together with mutual friends, so I finally let her have it and explained why I had to cut her out of my life so coldly. It felt good. At the end of the day I'm glad I got to tell her off and I think she knows that she lost a good thing. And I was able to turn my back on her again so she can see that I don't bluff or tolerate being jerked around by anyone, even her. Oh well, life goes on and I can feel that now. Just funny that I'm suddenly hearing from her again. My guess is that this is just her annual "slip up". I've seen it before when her relationships and life are unstable - she'll become insecure and sentimental and reach out to someone who was toxic to her. Feels like one of those. I probably shouldn't feed into it.

Post: #183

(11-28-2015 09:21 PM)EpicBeta Wrote:  Side note: I had followed people's advice to never acknowledge her again, and I held strong. I stuck to it for a very long time and it had a serious emotional impact. If you look back there was one instance of us crossing paths where she tried to corner me and I played it cool - totally indifferent - not nasty by any means, just not giving her any of what she wanted, and she was shocked/angered. Months later we crossed paths again and ended up spending several consecutive intimate events together with mutual friends, so I finally let her have it and explained why I had to cut her out of my life so coldly. It felt good. At the end of the day I'm glad I got to tell her off and I think she knows that she lost a good thing. And I was able to turn my back on her again so she can see that I don't bluff or tolerate being jerked around by anyone, even her. Oh well, life goes on and I can feel that now. Just funny that I'm suddenly hearing from her again. My guess is that this is just her annual "slip up". I've seen it before when her relationships and life are unstable - she'll become insecure and sentimental and reach out to someone who was toxic to her. Feels like one of those. I probably shouldn't feed into it.

Keep on the self-improvement thing, but also quit with the self-delusion.

What you did was slip up again in talking to her and "letting her have it" then trying to get physical again. You didn't show her that she lost a good thing, you just fed her emotionally vampiric ass and spun your own hamster wheel.

I predict you will slip up again with this 20 year old and roll right over into EpicBeta status and she'll leave you. I'd like to be wrong.

Post: #184

Abundance.

She either puts out or gets out.

Post: #185

(12-01-2015 09:59 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

(11-28-2015 09:21 PM)EpicBeta Wrote:  Side note: I had followed people's advice to never acknowledge her again, and I held strong. I stuck to it for a very long time and it had a serious emotional impact. If you look back there was one instance of us crossing paths where she tried to corner me and I played it cool - totally indifferent - not nasty by any means, just not giving her any of what she wanted, and she was shocked/angered. Months later we crossed paths again and ended up spending several consecutive intimate events together with mutual friends, so I finally let her have it and explained why I had to cut her out of my life so coldly. It felt good. At the end of the day I'm glad I got to tell her off and I think she knows that she lost a good thing. And I was able to turn my back on her again so she can see that I don't bluff or tolerate being jerked around by anyone, even her. Oh well, life goes on and I can feel that now. Just funny that I'm suddenly hearing from her again. My guess is that this is just her annual "slip up". I've seen it before when her relationships and life are unstable - she'll become insecure and sentimental and reach out to someone who was toxic to her. Feels like one of those. I probably shouldn't feed into it.

Keep on the self-improvement thing, but also quit with the self-delusion.

What you did was slip up again in talking to her and "letting her have it" then trying to get physical again. You didn't show her that she lost a good thing, you just fed her emotionally vampiric ass and spun your own hamster wheel.

I predict you will slip up again with this 20 year old and roll right over into EpicBeta status and she'll leave you. I'd like to be wrong.

I appreciate the input, but I have no regrets about the way I handled it. I got to take my last shot at her and firmly turned my back again when she chose to stay in her relationship. She was deeply conflicted and regretful for her actions, but that didn't change the end result. Figured I had nothing to lose and I knew the risk going in. Kind of a bummer sure, but it gave me a sense of closure.

So this didn't break me in any sense. I was way past that point with her. I went a full year without talking to her and only had the conversation finally because we were pitted together (and perhaps I had a little too much alcohol that night). I can only imagine why she's buzzing me now. Probably means absolutely nothing, but I haven't responded and I don't plan to. I feel fine about this, even though I was tempted at first. I know I'd regret it. Glad I slept on it.

I believe you have the wrong image of who I am today. This girl was a special case; someone I was close to for almost two decades; best friends. I'm not in any danger of falling in love with sexy college chick or "going beta" on her. Not sure how I would slip up or repeat the same mistake with that one. It's just a fun thing and she seems to be more into me than the other way around. Same with the last chick I dated. So I'm doing just fine in that regard, and also staying open to meet other beautiful women & flirting a lot whenever there's time.

All of that said, if oneitis woman keeps following up, I might engage her with the same -all or nothing- condition/frame that I left her with. I think it's obvious that I got inside her head at least a little bit, and I can't help but get a little satisfaction from that. But I will do my best not to lose perspective, and continue with the self improvement as you suggested.

Thanks

Post: #186

(12-02-2015 12:37 AM)Jesus Christ Wrote:  Abundance.

She either puts out or gets out.

Thank you Jesus lol

Post: #187

Hey guys. I have some updates but I'm starting a new thread, because thankfully I'm moving past this subject. Feel free to check it out if you want to read the latest:

/newthread.ph...myCCDhkMHg

Cheers,

EB

Post: #188

Ok that's weird, my new post got deleted…

"Can not upload file - Too large for php post_max_size directive. Please press the back button."

WTF?

…

OK! Seems to be working now!

/thread-54297.html

Post: #189

i didnt read your post, but to answer yer question. You walk over to her, look er in the eyes, approach slowly towards her right ear, amd whisper "its over". and than walk away MAN what the fuck yer over analysing. Everything can be simple if you make it