I recently met a chick from POF. I mentioned her briefly in
this thread. In my eyes, she is a definite LTR prospect, which is essentially what I’m looking for at the moment.
At the risk of sounding like a One-itis sufferer, and having already “lost” her due to the mere mentioning of this story, I seek the guidance and wisdom of fellow RVF members.
It started out like this. I received a message from her on POF. It was detailed, insightful and genuine. She’d obviously inspected my profile, and wanted to know more. She had no pics on display, so I was fully prepared to be underwhelmed when I received some after my reply to her initial message. Definitely the best looking girl I have engaged on the site thus far. It was interesting to see how she was going about things, not displaying pics and taking on the more “masculine” role of approaching.
After a few exchanges, we make the change to WeChat. I seamlessly make plans for us to meet later in the week, which she enthusiastically accepts.
She turns up at the venue, acceptably 10 minutes late, and is even more stunning in person. You know that feeling of pride you get when you’re patrolling a venue in the presence of a hot chick? I’m not ashamed to admit, I had that in spades, even though nothing had escalated at that point.
Conversation is flowing well early on, and about 15 minutes in, she mentions that she is on the site just to make friends (this was confirmed as legit upon looking at her profile the next day), and queries if that is ok with me. I make it clear to her that I don’t have any female friends (which I don’t). I think she was more shocked at the fact I don’t have female friends, more so than the ultimatum I was giving her. Her demeanour did not change at all after this however, and we carried on our light, jovial conversation, which I deftly peppered with negs every now and again to get the all important push-pull dynamic happening. Kino was occurring; not in an abundant fashion, but enough to get her acquainted with my touch. At one point she offered to show me her small tattoo on her ankle. She did this by putting her arm around my shoulder and jutting out her leg for me to grab it. I was only too happy to inspect.
More on the friends angle. At that stage she had come out of a 3 year relationship two weeks prior, of which she was heavily invested in. She’d moved to my city to “work on the relationship”. I see this as an admirable quality, that she was loyal and committed enough to not throw in the towel when things started to get rough. I let her know this. At this point, in the back of my mind, I knew I had an uphill battle as it would be difficult to get her to open up enough to let me in.
About two hours and a few drinks into the night, I suggested that we go for a walk, all the while intending to walk her straight to her apartment – which I did, and was invited in (with the caveat being that “nothing is going to happen”). When I heard her say that, it gave me a tiny bit of hope, much like the line “I’m not having sex with you” being an almost sure sign that sex will happen.
We’re inside her apartment, and after a quick tour, she pulls out her guitar (I play guitar, as does she, but she’s just started) and asks me to play something. I play one of my original songs (it’s ok, I’ve been at it for a while and am quite competent) to which she is suitably impressed. She plays me a song, but is stumbling, blaming it on “being tipsy”. I take the guitar away, lean in for the kiss, securely plant it on her lips but get nothing back from her. I pull away and say “you’re not into this are you?”. She says no, and wonders why I thought she’d be interested (shit test?). I didn’t reply. If I was in my apartment, I would probably just do a freeze out and try again later, but being in her apartment it didn’t feel right. I left straight away, obviously dejected. As I closed the door and said goodbye, she looked at me with a worried/concerned/apologetic face. I firmly believe that if I had stayed there and plowed ahead, the result would not have been different.
A couple of important take-aways from this encounter:
Despite my best efforts (I thought I did my best), she was not open to my advances. I attribute this squarely to her recent break-up, but probably can’t discount the possibility of her not being into me, although all prior indicators pointed to her being keen.
Despite being rejected, to me her behaviour is admirable. Here is a girl who was so invested in the relationship, that she was not even susceptible to having casual sex with a virtual stranger (comfort suitably established) after the relationship had ended.
Since that night, over the course of a week, we have exchanged a handful of messages where instigation has been equal. I’ve maintained tight text game, and kept it as minimalist as possible.
I’m looking for opinions on what the best course of action would be from here. Keep in mind that I’m still seeing other women. Here are the options that I see available, in order of preference.
1. Don’t contact her for a considerable amount of time, maybe 3 or 4 weeks, then call her and see if she is receptive to meeting for a drink.
2. Don’t contact her for a few months (giving her ample time to get over the break up), then call her and see if she is receptive to meeting for a drink.
3. Contact her via text every few days, to keep the fire smouldering, but don't push for a meet up for a while (this one may come off as a little needy I think, and give her what she wants - attention)
4. Don’t contact her again, essentially “Next” her.
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