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Tytalus · 01-26-2014 11:08 PM

Now, what this means depends on the individual, so I will define what I'm looking for here.

1.) Not using "um, er, ah, uhh" etc when speaking. I've gotten worse in the last couple years about this and don't know why. Probably lack of sleep and stress.

2.) Using correct pronunciation of words. My context is that I read a lot, and I read tons as a kid. Which meant that I learned many words that I had never heard before. Naturally, I developed my own pronunciation for them, and most of the time correctly. But there are still some words that i'll just say wrong.... Because I formed the incorrect pronunciation at age 11 or something. Once I learned the wrong way to say it, unless I heard the word frequently I didn't necessarily hear the word when it was said a different way.

3.) Good grammar. I think I'm fairly good on this one, but doesn't hurt to throw it in.

4.) Using the big words you know correctly.

Any resources, perhaps audiobooks? Would be helpful. Thanks. Smile

Cattle Rustler · 01-26-2014 11:17 PM

1 - Think what you are going to say before you say it.

2 - Google the pronunciation of X word, read aloud instead of using a "silence voice".

3 - Read and writing helps with this. You learn by seeing and practicing.

4 - Reading, the more you read and apply the word, the more the word will stick.

I stutter and often have to repeat myself or use a filler (uhhh, ahh, err, ummm). By thinking before speaking, I get my thoughts out the first time.

Jura · 01-27-2014 12:37 PM

, ^^Cattle nailed it with #1. Make a pause and think about what you're about to say. It changes everything. Speaking slowly also helps a lot with your speech articulation. (Think of Roosh's videos on youtube).

Beyond Borders · 01-27-2014 12:45 PM

Toastmasters.

birdie num num · 01-27-2014 12:53 PM

I second Beyond Borders. Join a Toastmasters club. You'll get critical feedback and they're a very supportive group.

birdie num num · 01-27-2014 12:55 PM

..

Parlay44 · 01-27-2014 12:57 PM

1. Stop hanging out with ghetto-ass motherfuckers.
2. Pick up a book once in a while.

Vicious · 01-27-2014 01:05 PM

1. Toastmasters.

2. Read books.

3. Read great speeches by great orators. Churchill, Lincoln, Thedore Roosevelt, Faulkner, even Hitler (not saying you should care about his ideas)

4. Find a topic you know, like and can speak with passion about.

Saga · 01-27-2014 01:40 PM

Good ideas so far. I'd also recommend paying close attention to well-written dialogues in plays, movies and TV shows...that way you can start to internalize their styles of vocabulary, cadence and pronunciation. Even better, find a character whose vernacular you admire and absorb as much as you can.

Blaster · 01-27-2014 03:21 PM

Get into the habit of taking a full breath of air before speaking, learn to trust people to be patient and wait for you to speak.

Figuring out how to non-verbally assert your turn to speak can be a trick and probably depends somewhat on your language and particular culture.

Beyond Borders · 01-27-2014 03:28 PM

About your turn to speak, in the past, I felt like my conversational speaking got a lot better when I learned to actually listen rather than just constantly anticipating my go. If you listen to people talking, you'll notice that are a lot of them are essentially just trading monologues and not putting any real thought into what the other side is saying.

It seems cliche to say being a better listener makes you a better conversationalist, but it really does make your talks a lot more engaging and dynamic.

RX2 · 01-27-2014 03:54 PM

(01-27-2014 12:45 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote: Toastmasters.

Toastmasters is a great way to become well spoken. A better listener too.

I actually just finished their "Competent Communicator" course last Monday. Which is doing 10 prepared speeches. I've also done other things like participate in meetings as an "ah, um, like, etc counter", timer, speech evaluator, impromptu speaking and other meeting roles that give you the opportunity to listen closely, evaluate others and speak in front of a crowd.

The great thing about a place like toastmasters is that everyone evaluates you, tells you what you did well and what you can improve upon.

When I first started I got a lot of comments on how monotone I was. How I needed to project my voice, speak slower, use mannerism and improve eye contact (I would look at the floor a lot for some reason).

In my last speech which I did impromptu, all 10 minutes. I got many comments on how clear and projected my voice came across. How my tone was smooth and conversation-like. Also, how confident I came across because my eye contact has improved a lot. But there was also other comments about what I could improve upon. But overall it gave me an idea of how much I've improved over the last couple of years since joining.

I see it too in day to day.

Hope that gave you an idea about toastmasters, I definitely recommend joining and making the most of it. It's $50/year but well worth if you make the most of it and get involved.

There's a lot of very seasoned speakers in my group. One guy in particular. Older gentleman, about 50-55. Sales guy. When he speaks he fills the room. He speaks slow and calculated with excellent vocal variety. I love listening to him speak and have found myself imitating him more and more.

Giovonny · 01-27-2014 04:19 PM

Great ?

Here is what helped me:

1) Surrounding myself with well spoken people
2) Watching interviews with well spoken people
3) Watching British television and movies. I love the way they talk
4) Listening to interesting audiobooks or podcasts
5) Talking to people everywhere I go
6) Studying the art and science of charisma
7) Hanging out with old guys who have game
8) Copying what I see in movies and television

Emulating these guys:

Beyond Borders · 01-27-2014 04:38 PM

(01-27-2014 03:54 PM)RX2 Wrote:
(01-27-2014 12:45 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote: Toastmasters.

Toastmasters is a great way to become well spoken. A better listener too.

I actually just finished their "Competent Communicator" course last Monday. Which is doing 10 prepared speeches. I've also done other things like participate in meetings as an "ah, um, like, etc counter", timer, speech evaluator, impromptu speaking and other meeting roles that give you the opportunity to listen closely, evaluate others and speak in front of a crowd.

The great thing about a place like toastmasters is that everyone evaluates you, tells you what you did well and what you can improve upon.

When I first started I got a lot of comments on how monotone I was. How I needed to project my voice, speak slower, use mannerism and improve eye contact (I would look at the floor a lot for some reason).

In my last speech which I did impromptu, all 10 minutes. I got many comments on how clear and projected my voice came across. How my tone was smooth and conversation-like. Also, how confident I came across because my eye contact has improved a lot. But there was also other comments about what I could improve upon. But overall it gave me an idea of how much I've improved over the last couple of years since joining.

I see it too in day to day.

Hope that gave you an idea about toastmasters, I definitely recommend joining and making the most of it. It's $50/year but well worth if you make the most of it and get involved.

There's a lot of very seasoned speakers in my group. One guy in particular. Older gentleman, about 50-55. Sales guy. When he speaks he fills the room. He speaks slow and calculated with excellent vocal variety. I love listening to him speak and have found myself imitating him more and more.

I've never done Toastmasters but I've heard amazing things. I also hear it's fantastic for networking. If I was in the states I would get involved.

I killed it in speech class at college though. I was so intimidated by public speaking that I almost walked out of class the first day, but I stuck it out and it ended up becoming my favorite class. Multiple people approached me outside of class to tell me how inspiring my speeches were and to tell me I should pursue a future in motivational speaking.

I'd like to reignite the interest at some point. Maybe some video blogging would be a way to do that.

In any case, I think it's a highly valuable skill to have for both business and life.

Barry Scrotada · 01-27-2014 06:40 PM

Who knew there were so many Toastmasters around here?
The skill I have most improved is leaving the uh/er/well and other fillers out of my conversations.
My club was not the most happening place in town, but self improvement can sometimes be a bit stodgy. Like anything, you can go go as far as you want with it. Some people just want to be hang out, some want to hone their writing, some want to check the boxes and get awards, some want to network in their metro area - there are numerous trainings and conferences to do so. If you enter speaking contests and do well enough, you can get reimbursed travel/lodging to the district/international levels.

Though the official name is "Toastmasters International", most of the clubs are in the US: http://reports.toastmasters.org/findaclub/
(Not too many here in South America unfortunately.)
*edit: Just noticed you are in Canada, there are over 1000 clubs up north.

Learning Portuguese has helped me notice and eliminate indirect 'dance-around' words when I speak English.
Knew a Ukrainian guy at a previous job. He had basic English - enough to do his job and talk one-on-one with people. Since he had to think about his sentences before spitting it out, it gave him a more 'alpha' way of speaking (aside from his EE mannerisms already). His pace was slow, his voice lower and relaxed, his limited vocabulary more direct.
For instance, if a co-worker screwed up, instead of saying:
"Hey, if you could do XXX task in XXX way next time, I would appreciate it."
He would say:
"You did a stupid thing. Do not do it again."
Channel that inner Ukrainian!

FrenchCanadian · 01-27-2014 07:05 PM

I think reading/writing is by far, the best answer to this question.

Libertas · 01-27-2014 08:24 PM

Make videos or podcasts. Forces you to speak and in some cases improvise. Usually I've found that words like "um..." come when you're worried about an awkward silence. When speaking train your brain to not worry about it.

I still say "um" and "like" at times, but I've manged to minimize them. Now trying to eliminate them entirely as well as reduce cursing to a minimum.

Your vocal tonality will improve a lot as well if you don't think its satisfactory now.

Intl_Rasta · 01-27-2014 10:36 PM

Had all of your problems plus a thick, I mean fucking thick, Jamaican accent.

1). When you feel your going to use "um, er, ah, uhh" PAUSE or employ a Intellectual Stammer see Obama he does it all the time.

2) Get the Audio program verbal advantage.

3) Take an online grammar class...

4) Again verbal advantage for this. I would play it ever night before bed for years.

Benoit · 01-28-2014 04:53 AM

(01-27-2014 08:24 PM)Libertas Wrote: Make videos or podcasts. Forces you to speak and in some cases improvise. Usually I've found that words like "um..." come when you're worried about an awkward silence. When speaking train your brain to not worry about it.

I still say "um" and "like" at times, but I've manged to minimize them. Now trying to eliminate them entirely as well as reduce cursing to a minimum.

Your vocal tonality will improve a lot as well if you don't think its satisfactory now.

Absolutely, I highly recommend recording yourself and listening back to it. I find it really painful to do but it works really well.

If you absolutely have to use filler words to give yourself thinking time (e.g. in an interview), then move away from non-words like um, ah, er, and practice using positive real words to acknowledge the question.

So for a question like "can you tell me about x?"
"Absolutely..."
"I can..."
"Certainly..."
"Yes..."

It makes you appear confident and like you're thinking of the best answer you can give, instead of struggling to find any answer.

~~Draugr~~ · 01-28-2014 05:06 AM

I had the same problems with mispronouncing words I had read but never heard.

The simplest solution is to read poetry, because poetry and verse employ metre and rhythm, pronunciation and ackward pauses can be over come. Read aloud. Shakespeare is great for this, for example if you can master Hamlet's 'To be or not to be' speech, or Yeats 'Second Coming' you will have a gravitas and eloquence to your speech.

Youtube has plenty examples of poetry and Shakespearean speeches.

dads · 01-28-2014 05:14 AM

(01-27-2014 03:28 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote: About your turn to speak, in the past, I felt like my conversational speaking got a lot better when I learned to actually listen rather than just constantly anticipating my go. If you listen to people talking, you'll notice that are a lot of them are essentially just trading monologues and not putting any real thought into what the other side is saying.

It seems cliche to say being a better listener makes you a better conversationalist, but it really does make your talks a lot more engaging and dynamic.

This is so true. Ironically, the show Girls made me take notice to this. Most people aren't really having conversations, they're waiting for their turn to talk.

RX2 · 01-28-2014 09:29 AM

(01-27-2014 04:38 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote: In any case, I think it's a highly valuable skill to have for both business and life.

I couldn't agree more.

(01-28-2014 04:53 AM)crippler Wrote: Absolutely, I highly recommend recording yourself and listening back to it. I find it really painful to do but it works really well.

Painful is an understatement. It's freaking horrible but necessary because it really lets you listen closely to how you speak.

Joe Rogan talked about this on his podcast. When he first started he began recording his bits on stage. He couldn't believe how THICK his Boston accent was, which isn't really an attractive/sexy accent haha. Just didn't realize it until he heard himself.

I've done it and noticed that I would run through some words, that I would stumble and mumble many words as well. Since then I slowed it down a bit, pronounced words and raised my tonality.

But like Crippler said, it's oddly painful and rather uncomfortable.

WestCoast · 01-28-2014 10:07 AM

I have talked about this before on a thread about public speaking.

IMHO there is literally nothing better than live speeches where your ass is on the line.

When the lights come on and you have to take the stage and your job (professionals) or your grade (students) is on the line you can't fuck it up.

You have to find a way to add real pressure to the situation or else it is difficult to get the same level of charisma. You can shoot a million jump shots alone in the gym but what happens when the game is on the line and you know if you miss that shot you're not eating tomorrow.

I would actually say giving a speech that is dependent on your future income is probably one of the most terrifying and rewarding experiences a guy can go through.

Lights are on do you show up? Or do you stutter and sputter?

Maciano · 01-28-2014 10:41 AM

Clearly, well-spokenness is a result of being well-read and/or smart. You can become better at talking, but you should aim to speak of which you know. So, read books.

Another way to have something worthwhile to say, is to think for yourself. Evolve your ideas rationally, w/o taboos, supported w/ empirical claims. You can do that through writing/blogging.

Verbal skills then flow naturally.

Giovonny · 01-28-2014 01:48 PM

(01-28-2014 04:53 AM)crippler Wrote: I highly recommend recording yourself and listening back to it.

Yes. This can not be overstated!

Listening and/or watching yourself on video/audio is an amazing teaching technique. You will instantly become aware of your oratory weaknesses!

(01-28-2014 10:07 AM)WestCoast Wrote: there is literally nothing better than live speeches where your ass is on the line.

Agreed! Pressure is a huge factor.

If we will face pressure in real life then we must practice under pressure.

Giving speeches to an audience is a great way to add some pressure to your training. I know Toastmasters has been mentioned by others.

I put pressure on myself by approaching beautiful women in awkward situations.

When you feel pressure, you are headed in the right direction. Feel it, acknowledge it, accept it and ACT ANYWAYS.

*****

Don't forget to hang around with "well spoken" people. That might be the best way to learn. I'm listening to a radio show right now with some well spoken people. After this, I will google the guy and find more interviews of him.

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