Post: #301

I have my going away party this weekend ( -_-)
MUST resist! Anybody else bored??

Post: #302

Biz,

Thanks for your honest post.

You have your start date, 1/7, and it's a good one. You had your last bender so that's out of the way. You're all set -- now is when the wagon gets rolling for you. Your course is clear -- all you need to do is have no more drinks at any time, for any reason, day in day out, for the next year.

I've already welcomed you aboard so now is just the time to take your seat, kick back, and let the ride begin.

Please keep posting on the thread with more updates. Also, if you have any issues with sleep -- and you might -- re-read some of my posts earlier in the thread about sleep hygiene and really try to take some of those simple steps. In particular, all those Red Bulls are not doing you any justice, so you should really curtail your caffeine consumption.

I'm excited for you and I think that in as a little as a few weeks you might be surprised at the difference in how you feel physically. The deeper changes -- the spiritual ones -- take longer than that but they're well worth the wait.

Post: #303

(01-08-2014 02:51 PM)scubadude Wrote:  Just a quick update. It's only closing in on three weeks for me. But the benefits are really starting to appear.

I'm sleeping fantastic and have significantly more energy through the day.

Even though I wasn't drinking more than a couple times a week when I quit, I have lost a lot of the face and gut bloat.

My head is much clearer, a lot of the brain fog has lifted and I don't feel like a retard nearly as often.

scubadude, that's great to hear. Isn't it a relief to feel better?

Keep at it and let the changes deepen over time -- there is much more to come as the year goes on.

Post: #304

(01-08-2014 07:53 PM)Shooter Wrote:  I have my going away party this weekend ( -_-)
MUST resist! Anybody else bored??

Shooter, here is a little tip:

Don't tell yourself things like "MUST resist".

Just know that you're not going to be drinking so it's not as if it's some sort of threat to be warded off. It's up to you to decide what you do, and you've already made the decision -- now it's just followed as a matter of course.

So just relax into the wagon. You'll feel cravings now and again in different contexts, places, at different times and so on. Acknowledge them, dismiss them, and keep going.

Post: #305

After get rejected 56 times in a row and thinking back how much of a trainwreck my life was, I felted a bit down on myself and temped to grab a beer when I was in a convenient store, but reason won in the end and I will just keep pushing.

Post: #306

I never thought I would say this, but I am in. My whole life was been partying and girls. I have been drinking since I was since and now I am 34 year. I drink pretty much every day and party hard on the weekends. I had lots of problems caused because of drinking. I stopped drinking monday.

Post: #307

(01-08-2014 09:42 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

(01-08-2014 02:51 PM)scubadude Wrote:  Just a quick update. It's only closing in on three weeks for me. But the benefits are really starting to appear.

I'm sleeping fantastic and have significantly more energy through the day.

Even though I wasn't drinking more than a couple times a week when I quit, I have lost a lot of the face and gut bloat.

My head is much clearer, a lot of the brain fog has lifted and I don't feel like a retard nearly as often.

scubadude, that's great to hear. Isn't it a relief to feel better?

Keep at it and let the changes deepen over time -- there is much more to come as the year goes on.

Great to hear! So what are the deeper changes you keep referring to that we can look forward to?

Post: #308

Felix88, even if you get rejected 56,000 times that doesn't make your life a "wreck".

This kind of catastrophizing is extremely counter-productive and is something that will make you miserable if you don't realize how irrational it is.

You should check out Dusty's fantastic REBT Thread on the forum and consider going through the Ellis book that is reviewed there. I think you might benefit from it a great deal.

And of course grabbing a beer solves nothing, as you well realize. So keep going, and also look at that REBT thread and understand that thinking of your life as a wreck just because your approaches aren't working out is precisely the kind of irrational thinking that is addressed by Ellis and REBT.

Post: #309

Masdinero, sounds good and welcome aboard as of 1/6. I hope to hear more from you on the thread as time goes on.

Post: #310

Let's say you're out one night and you see an attractive girl. You start talking to her, and things are going smoothly -- much more smoothly than normal. You're reasonably confident that she wants to have sex with you.

She suggests you guys have a drink -- what would you do in this situation?

Assume that the way the interaction is going, the act of getting drinks isn't a shit test -- it just naturally happens.

The way I see it, it doesn't hurt if you get a water while she gets her own alcoholic beverage if she wishes. But if you have sex with her afterwards, there's always the possibility of a rape charge, especially considering that she imbibed and you did not. We all know the vagaries of women.

Maybe I'm just being incredibly pessimistic, but this is something I have been thinking about a lot when I go out. thoughts from anyone else?

As for my hiatus, I'm still going strong. I feel a lot better about myself because I have no problem waking up early in the morning and just getting stuff done. It helps that I am at home. Going back to school this weekend, and that's when the real challenge begins.

Post: #311

(01-09-2014 10:43 AM)scubadude Wrote:  Great to hear! So what are the deeper changes you keep referring to that we can look forward to?

scubadude, I wrote about this in a number of posts earlier in the thread.

The deeper changes have to with the way hard drinking subtly drains away your interest in life and in the little everyday things that really make it what it is. Alcohol is a crudely reliable way of generating interest and excitement, and going to its well too often and too deeply coarsens your spirit and blunts it to subtler and more modest interests.

As you remove alcohol, you are likely over time to experience varieties of boredom or emptiness since the interest generating machine is gone and there is nothing to replace it. It is very important to let these fallow periods occur and not go back to the sauce, or to other crude fixes like drugs etc. Just let the waves of boredom and emptiness wash over you -- after all, they won't kill you.

If you do this, then over time -- and this can take months and the better part of a year -- you will start noticing the reemergence of a subtler and deeper interest in and engagement with life, with the little things you see every day on the street or online, just random things that make you chuckle or take notice. You will find yourself more thoughtful at different times, and more curious about things that you have no obvious reason to be interested in. You will be drawn out of the shell of the self and into the world of objectivity which is the true and great source of life and interest.

It's a fascinating process, and I'm excited for those who will have the patience and the discipline to let it happen to them.

Post: #312

(01-09-2014 07:03 PM)BasketBounce Wrote:  Let's say you're out one night and you see an attractive girl. You start talking to her, and things are going smoothly -- much more smoothly than normal. You're reasonably confident that she wants to have sex with you.

She suggests you guys have a drink -- what would you do in this situation?

Assume that the way the interaction is going, the act of getting drinks isn't a shit test -- it just naturally happens.

The way I see it, it doesn't hurt if you get a water while she gets her own alcoholic beverage if she wishes. But if you have sex with her afterwards, there's always the possibility of a rape charge, especially considering that she imbibed and you did not. We all know the vagaries of women.

Maybe I'm just being incredibly pessimistic, but this is something I have been thinking about a lot when I go out. thoughts from anyone else?

As for my hiatus, I'm still going strong. I feel a lot better about myself because I have no problem waking up early in the morning and just getting stuff done. It helps that I am at home. Going back to school this weekend, and that's when the real challenge begins.

BasketBounce, trust me, drinking alcohol confers no protection against a false rape charge so your creative excuse for it does not hold much water (pun more or less intended).

There are other things you can and should do to arm yourself against false rape accusations, which have been discussed on the forum -- ideally, record as much of the encounter as possible, and in any case send the dreaded "comfort text" and save all correspondence and texts, etc. Drinking is not on the list.

Post: #313

(01-09-2014 07:19 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

(01-09-2014 10:43 AM)scubadude Wrote:  Great to hear! So what are the deeper changes you keep referring to that we can look forward to?

scubadude, I wrote about this in a number of posts earlier in the thread.

The deeper changes have to with the way hard drinking subtly drains away your interest in life and in the little everyday things that really make it what it is. Alcohol is a crudely reliable way of generating interest and excitement, and going to its well too often and too deeply coarsens your spirit and blunts it to subtler and more modest interests.

As you remove alcohol, you are likely over time to experience varieties of boredom or emptiness since the interest generating machine is gone and there is nothing to replace it. It is very important to let these fallow periods occur and not go back to the sauce, or to other crude fixes like drugs etc. Just let the waves of boredom and emptiness wash over you -- after all, they won't kill you.

If you do this, then over time -- and this can take months and the better part of a year -- you will start noticing the reemergence of a subtler and deeper interest in and engagement with life, with the little things you see every day on the street or online, just random things that make you chuckle or take notice. You will find yourself more thoughtful at different times, and more curious about things that you have no obvious reason to be interested in. You will be drawn out of the shell of the self and into the world of objectivity which is the true and great source of life and interest.

It's a fascinating process, and I'm excited for those who will have the patience and the discipline to let it happen to them.

Excellent post. Thanks!

Post: #314

(01-09-2014 07:19 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  As you remove alcohol, you are likely over time to experience varieties of boredom or emptiness since the interest generating machine is gone and there is nothing to replace it. It is very important to let these fallow periods occur and not go back to the sauce, or to other crude fixes like drugs etc. Just let the waves of boredom and emptiness wash over you -- after all, they won't kill you.

I am still on the wagon. I am 3 1/2 hours away from 7 days. I have had to go through 3 dates (2 with the LTR and 1 new one) without any alcohol. Not pleasant. Had to take the new one (a first date) for coffee rather than the usual bar and drinks. I don't see how you open women initially without alcohol, but I guess I will eventually find out or stay celibate trying.

Sleep has been good--no problems there. Energy wise pretty good.

Like the money saving aspect of no booze.

Boredom is there in my free moments outside of work. Almost makes me want to take up smoking. HA HA.

Hardest part has been the impact on my social life. A lot of my co-workers (and even my boss) like to go out for a drink or two after work. Sitting at a bar drinking sparkling water, etc. while everyone else is casually having a beer or cocktail is not fun.

Post: #315

Last night, I had my first alcohol-free first date in living memory.

Cafe --> Dinner --> Karaoke --> Closed at my place

It felt quite awkward at times, ESPECIALLY when I ordered water during dinner. But the world didn't end. I told her she could drink if she wanted but she seemed fine with water.

I had to consciously raise my vibe to be fun. Also spent more money than usual because I have forgotten how to build comfort without the crutch of a bottle of wine.

But damn. The makeout in the karaoke room was like something from my teens. The singing shit was getting boring so I pulled her towards me and went in for the attack. My heart was racing and I could literally feel the adrenaline surging through my veins. Pretty cool. I guess alcohol must have been numbing these sensations.

Bear in mind that she was only a 6 (nice face but not the thinnest specimen by Asian standards). I am looking forward to seeing how it will be with a hotter girl.

Post: #316

(01-09-2014 06:57 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Felix88, even if you get rejected 56,000 times that doesn't make your life a "wreck".

This kind of catastrophizing is extremely counter-productive and is something that will make you miserable if you don't realize how irrational it is.

You should check out Dusty's fantastic REBT Thread on the forum and consider going through the Ellis book that is reviewed there. I think you might benefit from it a great deal.

And of course grabbing a beer solves nothing, as you well realize. So keep going, and also look at that REBT thread and understand that thinking of your life as a wreck just because your approaches aren't working out is precisely the kind of irrational thinking that is addressed by Ellis and REBT.

It has nothing to do with rejections and gaming, actually, just a thought about wasted opportunities about other things in my life when I was younger enters and goes out of my mind.

I give less fuck each passing day though.

Post: #317

That's ten days on for me, has been much easier than I thought. The first challenge was Thursday just passed when I headed to a club with a few friends. Firstly my crew were late so I was left solo in the city centre surrounded by drunk folk. Pre-wagon this wouldn't have been an issue as I'd simply hit a bar, get a pint, and start making friends. Sitting in a bar with an Orange juice chatting to folk was a strange and unnatural experience. Need to work on my sober solo dolo, I found being at a bar with live music helped, but any tips the forum has for hanging about bars sober would be appreciated. I was tempted to try a strip club roads a la McQueen's article.

When my friends arrived and we hit the club my baller Pal bought some 4 vodka red bulls for each guy out, he likes to live big so whatever. Turning down the drinks was a little awkward, the dude didn't let up. 'you will drink tonight', 'just fucking drink it man', I was staying cool and firm but I'm surprised how riled up he got from me staying sober. After my third refusal one of our shared friends told him to back off, checking his behaviour. Was a dick time though.

In the club I was pretty thirsty, danced a lot, drank a can of red bull. I do social dancing as a hobby so dancing and chatting to strangers sober is no problem for me. Some things I noticed was sober girls at the start of the night really respond to you being sober. Got very flirtatious with a bar tender I'd met before, but from a different club, who at the end of the night asked me to promise to remember her next time.

During the night I noticed how cock blocky drunken friends can be, like when dudes run their hands on your shoulders, or cross the group so you're dancing by yourself. Maybe dudes have always pulled dick moves and I've just been too drunk to notice, though in this case it was mostly a guy I'd never been out with. Again, I stayed cool and just firmly asked him to quit whatever was out of line, but in the end people seem to expect you to tolerate drunken nonsense in clubs. I chose instead to just leave the group and do my own thing, using them as a home base of sorts. A few of my buddies said they'd hardly seen me all night afterwards.

In the middle of the night(around midnight to 1) the club was jumping and I just approached like usual. When girls asked me why I wasn't drinking I'd say 'I've a mortgage to pay', or 'I'm studying for a big exam tomorrow', girls wouldn't comment further and move on. Game ran like usual, plenty of chat and touching, being sober isn't a problem. Your powers of observation are slightly better than everyone else's and your chat and wit is faster, you should be spitting way more original and subtle game than the rest of the club.

Towards the end on the night people have started to split off into couples and the girls who haven't got a hook up but are still looking for one become incredibly obvious. This might be a European thing, or maybe I just looked awesome Thursday, but I was getting insane eye contact for the last couple of hours in the club. At this point every approach went well, opening girls by looking them steadily in the eye and smiling on the dance floor worked fine. Plenty of comments about my clear gaze and such like that I put down to being sober.

All in all a decent night.

Post: #318

I am on day 6. What i realized, was drinking was a habit for me. If i was at the beach, i had to drink. At a baseball game, at dinner, after work. Pretty much everything I did, I had to be drinking.

The first 6 days have been easy for me, but I haven't put my self in a tough situation. Going out on date or going out with friends to a club. That is going to be the test for me.

Post: #319

Alcohol is the lamest drug. I really find it kind of funny how ubiquitous and accepted its use is, including its bad side effects.

Out of everything Ive tried, which is pretty much everything save heroin, crack, or meth, it has the lowest benefit and highest negative effects.

Post: #320

(01-11-2014 12:23 PM)_DC_ Wrote:  Alcohol is the lamest drug. I really find it kind of funny how ubiquitous and accepted its use is, including its bad side effects.

Out of everything Ive tried, which is pretty much everything save heroin, crack, or meth, it has the lowest benefit and highest negative effects.

Its funny, back when I was drinking alot there were some nights where I'd just drink a little but get coked out of my mind or drop an ecstasy pill, and on those nights people would always say something to me like "you are really well behaved tonight" or "why are you taking it easy tonight."

Post: #321

Another night out, another club. I learned my lessons from last time and just used everyone as a home base from the start. Being ultra energetic dance guy while sober works incredibly well. Got kisses and numbers, could probably have gotten a notch but I have work in 5 hours. Sober nights out are way easier with large groups of friends.

Post: #322

Day 16 for me... Getting way more done at work, clear thoughts, better sleep. Have been going to the gym a lot which really helps.. by the time I get home from work, eat dinner, hit the gym and get back home it's pretty well time for bed. Supposed to go for wings next week with a few friends, gonna have to wash it down with root beer which'll be a change but don't see myself slipping up. 2014 is off to a great start. Feeling really good about things, looking forward to what this year will bring.

Post: #323

This is not going well for me.

Post: #324

Fisto,

It will go well for you from the moment you stop drinking. Just give it a quick year and re-evaluate at that time. Suck up the hassles and social changes -- a year is no big deal and you'll feel great when it's done.

You're a tough guy and can do it easily. 365. Pick a day and stick with it.

Post: #325

Coming up on day 10 and it hasn't been as hard as I thought. There have only been a couple of times I wanted to drink and that was to make insufferably boring people tolerable. I found that drinking club soda and lemon or seltzer is good for the cravings though.

Definitely sleeping better, not taking any sleep drugs now. I have found that lifting heavy or lots of cardio + an audible fiction book at night helps.

Quote:This is not going well for me.

I hear ya. I'm headed to SD on the 15th, and I imagine that is when the real test will start.