(05-16-2016 04:52 PM)Lagavulin Wrote:  

(05-15-2016 07:19 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

(05-13-2016 08:33 PM)Lagavulin Wrote:  This is gonna be tough but here is my line in the sand, been thinking about this for a while. Here's hoping I can last the pace.

Lagavulin, are you in for the full year? If so, please post you start date on this thread.

Hi LOZ. Yeah I'm in for the year, my last drink was 14th May 2016.

I've been thinking about this for a while, it wasn't an impulse decision. I'm not a heavy drinker these days but I'm at a stage now where I feel that alcohol takes more from me than it gives. For instance this weekend I had a night out on Friday which was ok, but I didn't sleep well (which is common for me when drinking, I always wake up way too early) my Saturday was a write off and I didn't achieve anything close to what I wanted to over the weekend. I don't have that time to waste, that one night out set me back in various different areas that I'm focusing on right now.

I also don't enjoy drinking as much as I used to so it makes sense to take the plunge and quit. I'm intrigued to see what effect it has on me mentally after a few months of resisting peer pressure. I'm also intrigued to see what it's like to go out with friends and only drink water, the thought actually appeals. I've been off the drink for 2-3 months at a time before but have never really been fully committed to being teetotal, it's time to commit.

Thanks for keeping this thread going, and for some of the great advice you've posted on it. Respect.

You might need a new username

May 21th was my Day 1. Today was the first morning I woke up without having gone to bed fairly drunk the night before.

I did not drink before my mid-twenties because of a neurological condition that I successfully treated. I am thankful that I couldn't drink as a teenager as I would probably be in a far worse condition that I am now.

As soon as the doctor said I was OK to drink, I started with wine since wine drinking is a thing in my family. Lo and behold, I was drinking a bottle or more every evening.

The brainwashing that I subscribed to was that wine is not really alcohol, indeed that it is a cure and that wine drinkers live longer and in better health.

True, I've rarely had a true hangover, and I can count the occassions when I threw up on one hand.

Still, I couldn't quite imagine my evenings without wine, and going to sleep sober was a frightening idea to me. I've been - am - a lone drinker, and fine with it.

I'd obviously drink on social occassions, too, and make a fool of myself a number of times, including a wedding of a (formerly) good friend where I had to be dragged to bed before his speech.

It's this dependency that I hate, and also the vision of deteriorating health, including the reproductive part, where I've had numerous "stiffness issues" in the past few years, to the point that I started taking vitamin V.

I think time is still on my side as I am only turning 40 this year, and unless I already have cancer or some shit, I shall overcome this disaster.

Allen Carr's book helps a lot. It provides the necessary counter-brainwashing as his earlier quit-smoking tome did for me.

Count me in for a whole year, and likely more.

Teekay, thank you for the honest post. It won't be easy for you -- drinking of the kind you describe, solitary and habitually done every evening, is a tough habit to break. All the more important to do so and to stick it out; and of course it's entirely within your power.

Here's one thing I would suggest. It's possible -- not necessary, but possible -- that for a while to come you may have a hard time with sleep initiation now that you are not drinking yourself to sleep. Getting a light box and doing bright light therapy every morning will help a lot, in fact it is optimal for ensuring regular and correct sleep initiation. I would strongly consider it if I were you -- check out this thread and follow the instructions there:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-39799.html

You may find this transition period a lot easier if you are able to maintain a regular sleeping schedule and are waking up rested and refreshed every morning. Bright light therapy used correctly and consistently will make sure of that.

Welcome aboard as of May 21, 2016 and hope to hear more from you here as time goes on.

(05-22-2016 09:02 AM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Teekay, thank you for the honest post. It won't be easy for you -- drinking of the kind you describe, solitary and habitually done every evening, is a tough habit to break. All the more important to do so and to stick it out; and of course it's entirely within your power.

Here's one thing I would suggest. It's possible -- not necessary, but possible -- that for a while to come you may have a hard time with sleep initiation now that you are not drinking yourself to sleep. Getting a light box and doing bright light therapy every morning will help a lot, in fact it is optimal for ensuring regular and correct sleep initiation. I would strongly consider it if I were you -- check out this thread and follow the instructions there:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-39799.html

You may find this transition period a lot easier if you are able to maintain a regular sleeping schedule and are waking up rested and refreshed every morning. Bright light therapy used correctly and consistently will make sure of that.

Welcome aboard as of May 21, 2016 and hope to hear more from you here as time goes on.

Thank you.

I am fortunate that I fall asleep easily, that is to say, I haven't had a problem falling asleep as a drunk, and I expect this won't be a problem. If I'm wrong, I'll have a look at the light therapy, I've noticed that thread before.

Thank you for cautioning me that it might not be easy. At this time I am elated, happy that I don't have to drink anymore. I suppose once I have a bad day or two, the thought to drown it in wine will come. I'll continue to re-program myself so as to remain firm that I do not want to drink anymore.

Admittedly my post was intentionally frank even though I don't normally vent; in this case I wanted to make my intent public, in way to verbalize and declare it in front of others - hoping it'll help me stick to it.

I just completed the two year mark on the wagon and will be rejoining for year three.

One of the changes that I noticed during the second year on the wagon was the lifestyle of sobriety is now firmly entrenched in my thinking and behavior. I do not waver at all in the face of alcohol, which was an issue I faced a little bit during my first year on the wagon. I realize now that taking only one year off alcohol is not really enough to deeply transform your habits and behaviors with alcohol, especially if you had been drinking hard for more than a decade. This additional year on the wagon has really helped cement the habit of being sober in social situations where alcohol is present.

I was thinking back to a period in my life many years ago when I was working in an office job in America. I remember this job because I was very much a functioning alcoholic during my employment there. I had a friend, who was a little bit older than me, who I worked with named Bill. We both loved booze and on our lunch breaks we would go out to my car, drive around, and get fucked up on vodka since vodka is mostly odorless and we could get away with drinking it at work. We choose my car because Bill lost his license after a felony drunk driving incident where he was doing circles at an intersection at the end of a police chase. Matter a fact, Bill had really fucked up his life in lots of ways with booze. He had done two stints in prison for felony drunk driving and for aggravated assault during a drunken fight. He had two children out of wedlock and always had lots of drama happening in his life. Bill was also a funny, gregarious guy who you could count on for a good time and a great drinking buddy.

One time Bill and I were talking over swigs of vodka in my car and he said to me. “You know Bacon, people think being an Alike is fucking easy. But their wrong, it’s fucking hard.”

I nodded as he was known for going on rants.

Bill continued, “I got fucking legal problems from drinking that have fucked my employment options for life. I wake up somedays in a world of pain most people cannot even imagine. My goddamn liver hurts at random times and some days I see blood in my shits.”

This kind of honesty about his drinking was rare from Bill and it threw me a bit off guard.

I remember taking a swig of vodka and jokingly saying, “Yea, but what can you do man. Quit drinking?”

Then I laughed and he laughed too.

Bill then grabbed the bottle from me, took a swig, and laughing replied, “Yea, haha. But we both know that will never happen. ”

Bill and I lost our jobs during a mass layoff during the great recession of 2008 and we went our separate ways eventually losing contact with one another when I left the USA. But recently I did my best to look him up and when I searched for him on google I found that he is currently serving a 10 month sentence for aggravated assault, which was no doubt a result of alcohol.

I bring up this story of my past because I think Bill shared a valuable nugget of wisdom that day. Specifically, that being an alcoholic is a hard, difficult time and not the fun, freewheeling life people might think it is.

Alcohol’s dominate and all-encompassing hold will eventually wear even the toughest man down. Years of alcohol affecting one’s mental and physical health, relationships, employment, financial well-being, and free time is a hard burden to carry.

Conversely, now that I am two years sober I am finding life to be very easy. Whether it was the difficulty of waking up most morning, never maintaining an exercise regime, or being broke from partying, now those are problems of the past. As my wagon moves to year three I feel blessed with the continued ease that living an alcohol free life has become.

bacon, thank you for the great post. This is an important observation:

(05-23-2016 11:56 PM)bacon Wrote:  One of the changes that I noticed during the second year on the wagon was the lifestyle of sobriety is now firmly entrenched in my thinking and behavior. I do not waver at all in the face of alcohol, which was an issue I faced a little bit during my first year on the wagon. I realize now that taking only one year off alcohol is not really enough to deeply transform your habits and behaviors with alcohol, especially if you had been drinking hard for more than a decade. This additional year on the wagon has really helped cement the habit of being sober in social situations where alcohol is present.

For guys who have drunk hard for years, the second year of the wagon is, in many ways, more important than the first. It is the year that really cements and solidifies all the hard-won gains of the first year. I hope the guys for whom this is relevant read bacon's post closely and strongly consider reupping for year 2 when the time comes.

Welcome aboard for year number 3 as of May 24, 2016 and as always I look forward to hearing more from you here over time.

1 month and one week as of this past sunday.

LOZ, thanks for keeping everyone in here accountable for their decisions. You're doing a real service here.

I will continue on the wagon for the rest of 2016.

I originally tried to rationalize that I could get away with having the occasional glass of red wine this year, as it wouldn't be very harmful and would add a little spice to life, but then I thought about it some more. It's all just stimulus, and inevitably leads to me drinking more, and feeling like a turd in the morning.

I also kinda realized that my body just doesn't mesh with alcohol very well in the first place. I get nasal congestion when I drink so I might even have a legitimate alcohol allergy.

Anyway, the point is that my life is unbelievably better on the wagon, and I don't see a reason why I would give that up. I've replaced drinking with fitness and business, and it's working out so far (still a long way to go).

Thanks again LOZ and props to all the bros who can run boozeless game. Being unstifled without alcohol is still one challenge I'm trying to overcome (going out during the day/night)...so any tips that you guys have for that would be great.

LOZ I'm not sure if you've considered this, but you can easily write an ebook about living life on the wagon and sell it on Amazon. Shoot me a PM if you need help with formatting or an outline or anything like that and I can get you set up.

stefpdt, thanks for the post. What was your original start date? Have you now completed a full 1 year wagon, and are you committing to a second year?

Thank you for the ebook suggestion, but for now this thread is my ebook and I'm happy to share it with every single guy who's posted here. I believe that taken together, the posts on this thread constitute the best, deepest, and most comprehensive collection of texts on drinking, alcohol, the wagon, and quite a few other subjects, not just online but in any form. It's a great thread and I feel privileged to be a part of it.

I also want to note again bacon's post above. It's one of the finest and most significant posts in the entire thread:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-30625...pid1308561

Edit: wrong thread

Reporting in 6 months. Shoulder is finally healing up, so I can slowly get back into proper lifting at gym. I've cut fast food outta my diet and caffeine drinks (still have 1 choc coffee every morning), as last year I was having Mcdonalds and 2 redbulls for breakfast 4 times a week because of my awful hangovers. Are there any other foods/drinks I should try to avoid, while staying sober?

I've lost contact with a lot of my old drinking friends from college and that's kinda bothered me, since I've known those guys for years. But I feel I can't go out and drink with them anymore, since one thing will lead to another.

(05-25-2016 01:02 AM)Kizman Wrote:  Reporting in 6 months. Shoulder is finally healing up, so I can slowly get back into proper lifting at gym. I've cut fast food outta my diet and caffeine drinks (still have 1 choc coffee every morning), as last year I was having Mcdonalds and 2 redbulls for breakfast 4 times a week because of my awful hangovers. Are there any other foods/drinks I should try to avoid, while staying sober?

I've lost contact with a lot of my old drinking friends from college and that's kinda bothered me, since I've known those guys for years. But I feel I can't go out and drink with them anymore, since one thing will lead to another.

You can still go out with those guys. When I started I was given a lot of shit by the people in my circle over stopping drinking. They've all come to accept it now and I don't think they even notice anymore.

(05-16-2016 04:52 PM)Lagavulin Wrote:  

(05-15-2016 07:19 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

(05-13-2016 08:33 PM)Lagavulin Wrote:  This is gonna be tough but here is my line in the sand, been thinking about this for a while. Here's hoping I can last the pace.

Lagavulin, are you in for the full year? If so, please post you start date on this thread.

Hi LOZ. Yeah I'm in for the year, my last drink was 14th May 2016.

I've been thinking about this for a while, it wasn't an impulse decision. I'm not a heavy drinker these days but I'm at a stage now where I feel that alcohol takes more from me than it gives. For instance this weekend I had a night out on Friday which was ok, but I didn't sleep well (which is common for me when drinking, I always wake up way too early) my Saturday was a write off and I didn't achieve anything close to what I wanted to over the weekend. I don't have that time to waste, that one night out set me back in various different areas that I'm focusing on right now.

I also don't enjoy drinking as much as I used to so it makes sense to take the plunge and quit. I'm intrigued to see what effect it has on me mentally after a few months of resisting peer pressure. I'm also intrigued to see what it's like to go out with friends and only drink water, the thought actually appeals. I've been off the drink for 2-3 months at a time before but have never really been fully committed to being teetotal, it's time to commit.

Thanks for keeping this thread going, and for some of the great advice you've posted on it. Respect.

Lagavulin, I seem to be in the same place as you. I've gone from heavy binge drinking on the weekend to drinking maybe once every few weeks, and then the occasional drink at a music concert, however I still find even occasional drinks still has an annoying effect and you get to a certain point where it just doesn't make sense to drink anymore.

I've been meditating more often recently too, and am part of a Buddhist community in the UK, and I think once you begin to expand your level of consciousness by doing meditation (or something else), and begin to actually enjoy your life and the simple pleasures, you feel more happy and centered, and grounded in day to day life and the feeling of drinking alcohol seems to take away the good feeling.

Most people seem to drink to somehow 'improve' (well why else would they take it ) their mood and mindset, but the insane thing is that (obviously) you are only detracting and making yourself worse from where you already are.

I still struggle with the idea of social acceptance, and that's why I have been drinking here and there. Its coming closer though, and most of the team I reckon people wouldn't give a shit. I was at a jazz concert last night, and sipped one pint of beer through out over two hour set, and you know what? I didn't enjoy the taste of the alcohol at all. The slower I drunk, the more I realized what a fraud it kind of was. It wasn't a refreshing drink in anyway. Sparkling water would have been much more satisfying and refreshing.

I don't feel hungover as such from the one beer, but I've got a certain point where I'm thinking what's the point?

My health and fitness has been good, stopped smoking over 7 months ago now! I don't look back at all. What is stopping me from getting to the next level of aesthetics is alcohol for sure. Has definitely impeded gains.

So anyway, just some reflections. Thanks for reading.

I am experiencing REAL temptation to drink for the first time after 13 months. It has nothing to do with being social, or going out and trying to meet girls.

I'm just really depressed and lonely and I can't stand it. It would be the easiest thing in the world to down half a bottle of whiskey as fast as I can, and just black out. Just turn my brain off for a few hours.

I've managed to resist but it's getting harder. I had a small bottle of sake in my kitchen and I just dumped it down the sink cause this is the first time I've felt like there's an actual danger of giving in and just saying "fuck it" and getting hammered.

(05-28-2016 11:06 AM)etwsake Wrote:  I am experiencing REAL temptation to drink for the first time after 13 months. It has nothing to do with being social, or going out and trying to meet girls.

I'm just really depressed and lonely and I can't stand it. It would be the easiest thing in the world to down half a bottle of whiskey as fast as I can, and just black out. Just turn my brain off for a few hours.

I've managed to resist but it's getting harder. I had a small bottle of sake in my kitchen and I just dumped it down the sink cause this is the first time I've felt like there's an actual danger of giving in and just saying "fuck it" and getting hammered.

etwsake,

This is an important time but you're doing better than you know. Dumping that bottle is a good move, because it teaches your brain a lesson.

I'm just really depressed and lonely and I can't stand it.

That's not true -- you can stand it. Getting through this period will make you stronger.

For any guy who really needs it, the wagon will eventually go through a very difficult time. It may happen in the second year like it is for you. This is the time you just need to get through.

Regarding being depressed: you should get a light box and start doing bright light therapy every morning:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-39799.html

It will rout your depression. Do it now.

(05-28-2016 11:16 AM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  For any guy who really needs it, the wagon will eventually go through a very difficult time. It may happen in the second year like it is for you. This is the time you just need to get through.

Regarding being depressed: you should get a light box and start doing bright light therapy every morning:

It will rout your depression. Do it now.

Based on reading TLOZ's lightbox thread, I started the lightbox therapy on March 8th of this year. I have gone off and on it and have found significant reduction in depression, better sleep, and some reduction in overall anxiety when I am using it. I set it up in my main living room next to my desk and have it on all morning with a few minutes of reading while it is directly in my line of sight. It has helped me to maintain my mental energy level which has helped me be more active which has been a virtuous cycle. (thanks again TLOZ)

I was thinking about your act of pouring out the sake. You might think that it was a moment of weakness. However, I view it as a moment of profound strength.

Dissatisfaction is the foundation of change.

As TLOZ says, for anyone on the wagon you will go through a tough time maybe once, maybe ten times or a thousand. I would add that it is a much more normal state, to correctly perceive challenges and go through an emotional and mental cycles to deal with a challenge. For years you may have avoided this process by the use of alcohol. So your "muscles" in this process could be somewhat atrophied.

I find that I have these challenges often, many times a year, and last year I succumbed to them after an injury sidelined my exercise and I sat at home for five months and indulged in food and movies. I finally had enough in December and "poured out my sake".

It has been a challenge this year, climbing out of a hole that I dug last year. Using this thread and the larger forum, sobriety, my lightbox, new activities, new friends, doing Get Out of The House game. I'm changing the patterns as I see them, one at a time, not without some setbacks.

Just checking in after roughly 17 months on the wagon. I just read your post etwsake and the things you mentioned really resonated with me.

Since gaining some distance from the alcohol and party lifestyle i've realised that staying sober is not a fix all for one's problems. I was depressed before I started drinking, then used the booze the live the carefree fun student lifestyle and self-medicating without really realising it. And it all worked out fine until that point where you suddenly wake up and realise that it's not fine, that slowly but steadily the alcohol is worsening the depression and life in general and the only solution it seems to present, which is to keep on drinking, is actually the thing that's making it all worse.

I've realised since being on the wagon that by stopping drinking i haven't actually adressed my underlying problems like social anxiety, depression and loneliness. But at least now i'm in a place in my llfe where I can stand up to those things without poisoning myself first.

A few weeks back I had some real temptation to drink too. I was scared because I thought that i'd gained some distance from the drink but then realised that slipping up was closer than ever. Had a bottle of craft vodka at home which I wanted to gift a friend for his birthday. But i never attended so the bottle just sat in the kitchen drawer until someday I just gave it to a friend randomly because I didn't want the temptation right in front of me all the time.

There are ups and downs in life even without alcohol. I secretly wished that everything would fall into place with sobriety, but sadly it does not. But at least now I can fully experience them and stand up to them. I have good weeks. Meditation, eating well, keeping an exercise routine, using the light box and sleeping regularly are things that have definitely helped me out. But depression is a tricky thing and sometimes when I least expect it it comes back around full force and throws me off track.

But I'm certain that alcohol will do nothing whatsoever to help me in those periods when I'm down. The momentary high and loss of thinking are not worth it when it's hangover time the next day and everything is so much worse.

I hope you'll stay strong etwsake and I also hope that some time in the future the days of "white knuckling" through the wagon will ease off again and it will be a much smoother ride.

One week in and things are starting to settle down.

I expected some cravings but there haven't been any. I'm thirsty a lot, and drink a lot of water and tea. I suppose I must have been dehydrated, though it's also possible that I'm just satifying some mental urge that I've developed as a drunk.

On a few social occassions that I attended this past week, I felt just fine drinking tea or water.

To cement my resolve, I congratulate myself that I've escaped the alcohol trap whenever I think of it, and tell myself that I feel much better now when sober.

And I don't have to fake that: I reckon that I've gained 3-4 extra productive hours every day. Before, I'd start drinking at 6PM at the latest, and quickly lost the ability to do anything that would require advanced brain function. Now, I can work on my business or just read on my Kindle. My new evening habit is reading until I start dozing off.

With all that said, I realize that I'm at the very beginning and many trials will come. For instance, I can't quite yet imagine going through the summer without a single beer. Strike that; I CAN imagine that; it's gotta be a different summer this year.

The second thing I realize is that I am a fucking drunk and always will be, so no "just one drink" for me. I've tried cutting down before and always came back drinking more eventually. Wagon it is.

Passed the 2 year mark without realizing it. I guess by default I'll extend my challenge another year.

Going out at night sucks usually so I'll be trying to improve skills like Salsa and karaoke to make things bearable.

My life is much better without it and has taken on a very positive direction, I think as a consequence.

(05-29-2016 08:00 PM)Fisto Wrote:  Passed the 2 year mark without realizing it. I guess by default I'll extend my challenge another year.

Going out at night sucks usually so I'll be trying to improve skills like Salsa and karaoke to make things bearable.

My life is much better without it and has taken on a very positive direction, I think as a consequence.

Fisto, have been waiting for your post since May 24th.

It's the right decision for you and I'm glad that it seems like an easy one. The wagon is so good for you -- so good -- that it's easy to forget sometimes just how good it is. Just keep rolling.

Welcome back aboard for year 3 as of May 24, 2016 and I look forward to hearing more from you as time goes on.

(05-13-2016 08:33 PM)Lagavulin Wrote:  This is gonna be tough but here is my line in the sand, been thinking about this for a while. Here's hoping I can last the pace.

Lagavulin, are you in for the full year? If so, please post you start date on this thread.
[/quote]

Hi LOZ. Yeah I'm in for the year, my last drink was 14th May 2016.

I've been thinking about this for a while, it wasn't an impulse decision. I'm not a heavy drinker these days but I'm at a stage now where I feel that alcohol takes more from me than it gives. For instance this weekend I had a night out on Friday which was ok, but I didn't sleep well (which is common for me when drinking, I always wake up way too early) my Saturday was a write off and I didn't achieve anything close to what I wanted to over the weekend. I don't have that time to waste, that one night out set me back in various different areas that I'm focusing on right now.

I also don't enjoy drinking as much as I used to so it makes sense to take the plunge and quit. I'm intrigued to see what effect it has on me mentally after a few months of resisting peer pressure. I'm also intrigued to see what it's like to go out with friends and only drink water, the thought actually appeals. I've been off the drink for 2-3 months at a time before but have never really been fully committed to being teetotal, it's time to commit.

Thanks for keeping this thread going, and for some of the great advice you've posted on it. Respect.
[/quote]

Lagavulin, I seem to be in the same place as you. I've gone from heavy binge drinking on the weekend to drinking maybe once every few weeks, and then the occasional drink at a music concert, however I still find even occasional drinks still has an annoying effect and you get to a certain point where it just doesn't make sense to drink anymore.

I've been meditating more often recently too, and am part of a Buddhist community in the UK, and I think once you begin to expand your level of consciousness by doing meditation (or something else), and begin to actually enjoy your life and the simple pleasures, you feel more happy and centered, and grounded in day to day life and the feeling of drinking alcohol seems to take away the good feeling.

Most people seem to drink to somehow 'improve' (well why else would they take it ) their mood and mindset, but the insane thing is that (obviously) you are only detracting and making yourself worse from where you already are.

I still struggle with the idea of social acceptance, and that's why I have been drinking here and there. Its coming closer though, and most of the team I reckon people wouldn't give a shit. I was at a jazz concert last night, and sipped one pint of beer through out over two hour set, and you know I didn't enjoy the taste of the alcohol at all. The slower I drunk, the more I realized what a fraud it kind of was. It wasn't a refreshing drink in anyway. Sparkling water would have been much more satisfying and refreshing.

I don't feel hungover as such from the one beer, but I've got a certain point where I'm thinking what's the point?

My health and fitness has been good, stopped smoking over 7 months ago now! I don't look back at all. What is stopping me from getting to the next level of aesthetics is alcohol for sure. Has definitely impeded gains.

So anyway, just some reflections. Thanks for reading.
[/quote]


-------------------


I think this is a hugely important point. When you wake up and see what a massive scam the whole thing is, that gives you strength to keep going. You also start to see the other people who are doing the same as you.

I'm not a big drinker at all, for example last night I went out to a jazz gig, smoked some weed, drunk four beers on an empty stomach thinking I would eat later. Felt completely drunk when I got in, threw up, but I was too fucked to even move from where I was. Then I passed out, woke up a few hours later and had to clean that shit up. I had a terrible nights sleep.

I just saw a documentary where they measured someones sleep after a glass of whisky, and apparently you have one or two hours of deep sleep followed by hours and hours of light sleep where you wake up and fall asleep again, that's why people think it helps you sleep, but really it doesn't.

I have had a mild hangover all day and have been very unproductive, I'm reading this thread and I'm thinking what's the point? I was a lot more social and could really zone into the music and enjoy it much more but my productivity and health suffers even being a moderate drinker. I'm considering giving it up for a while, the thing is I love the bravery and social freedom I feel I have when I drink, I have very little approach anxiety, although I can be somewhat goofy with approaches when drinking.

I've also been out to clubs and bars sober and it was fucking terrible, I end up drink driving to be honest. I have a mental block about being sober when out even though I only go out about once a week at the moment on average.

One year. One month. 2 weeks.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

There is a very good chance that by the time I hit "post reply" I'll be on my way to getting blackout drunk.

I'm so fucking miserable. I hate myself. I don't want to be awake anymore.

I'm a fat fuck with no future. I gained THIRTY POUNDS in the last two months. I give up. I fucking give up.

I know it's not very "red pill" of me. Well, I was never a red pill. I'm the very definition of blue pill beta piece of shit loser through and through. I have been my whole life and I always will be.

I'm gonna pull a Leaving Las Vegas. I already walked out of work today after lunch...don't really see the point in going back. I'm just gonna drink. And as fucked up as my blood pressure/rhythm is, it probably won't take long.

Hope the rest of you do better than me. I have little doubt you're all stronger men of higher character.

It's a few hours later.

I didn't drink. I took a nap instead.

So I'm still on the wagon for now.

I apologize again for airing my dirty laundry here. If mods are able to delete these posts and wish to, feel free.