Post: #1

I have. I literally just had her. she was drunk, naked, in my bed, waiting to be fucked. we'd already agreed upon what would happen. then she said one thing, and suddenly I found her attitude unacceptable. I could have brushed it off and fucked her. in that moment, I knew it. but I said, "you know what dude? you're already irritating me." she said "fine I'll just leave" so I went in the other room, she got dressed, and left. I felt bad about it. not the first time I passed on a sure thing, but it was the first time I felt bad.

I'd already had a depressing enough night. I tried exploring some new places, but they weren't my scene. weren't enough girls there, and the few that were there...well, weren't the sets I wanted. tried to salvage the night at my usual spot, but I barely managed to do a single approach. there were a couple huge groups of girls, the kind I know better than to approach now. a few two sets wearing sports shirts, which I know by now not to approach. must've been a game recently, judging by all the cards shirts I saw. I saw only one girl I wanted to approach the whole night, on the dance floor, but didn't, because I was in such a foul mood. she was a bit chubby, but with a pretty face, hanging with a four set, dancing her ass off alone. but the other two were fat, extremely unattractive, and the other one had just left, leaving me the optimal approach opportunity. I'm 80% sure she would have welcomed my approach, but I am 80% sure I would have either gotten cockblocked or rejected in front of her friends, and ultimately, would not have left with her...but I still wish I would have just approached, so I wouldn't be thinking about it now. what's wrong with me? besides that, it was a huge sausage fest. I regret going out tonight...but I'm going to go out tomorrow night, and the night after, and to be honest, I'll probably regret it then too.

I have three fuck buddies...but I don't even want to fuck them anymore. they aren't super attractive, just average. decent lays, barely friends with them...that's all. I haven't had a real girlfriend in about two years. I am sick of this life. I'm sick of the girls I've been meeting. I work my ass off. I'm sick of the fucking attitudes. I'm a fucking doctoral student, in three years I'll make six figures anywhere in the country. I know I deserve better. that's why I started doing this. that's why I dumped my beautiful but otherwise mediocre girlfriend two years ago. now to be honest, I feel like I'd be lucky to have her, yet I still don't want her back...or anyone else I've had, even the one girl I thought I loved. I've had more than most guys, and better. but right now, I just want to give up. I've had some low nights, believe me, but this is the lowest I've felt in awhile.

has anyone else felt that way? how do you get through it? what is the light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to? I know I have a great career ahead of me, but what else is there? I hope you don't think I'm trolling. I really need help here.

Post: #2

Yes, I also turned down a woman who was naked in my bed because my dorm had a curfew. She didn't live in the dorm and they called for "all guests to vacate" and I didn't want to get into it with the people at the front desk. But I should have left with her for a hotel room -- I had a credit card.

It's also funny you should post this because just yesterday I came across a Facebook post by a girl I knew as a high school intern at my first job (the post was on a mutual friend's page). This girl had asked me to prom and kept finding reasons to hang around and ask me to things -- all of which I turned down. She was 18 and I was 22 but I was BIG-TIME picky.

Looking back I was a BIG-TIME idiot. She wasn't exactly beautiful, but 18-year-old snatch is not something you are offered for most of your life. So I should have got while the getting was good. She replied to my Facebook comment with some sarcasm. I got annoyed until I remembered how callously I spurned her advances. Now I wonder why she wasn't meaner!

Moral: if it's offered take it. Both of these are major regrets -- and this gets worse as the years go by and I remember those tight 18-year-old bodies. Ouch.

Post: #3

You think you're entitled to the best, that's probably a large part of your problem. You're a doctoral student, so you deserve better? To be blunt mate, so fucking what? There're guys on here that own their own businesses, guys that are on their ways to earning millions, guys that do honourable work for communities, etc, but they still have to bust their balls to get what they want.

You don't deserve anything. Life doesn't give you a free pass because you feel deserving of something. Not a year has gone by in my life since I was 12 years old where I haven't had a job to support myself. I had 3 jobs when I was 14-16 years old just so I could buy things to keep up with my mates because my mum was so poor. I haven't been on holiday for 5 years. Do I feel I deserve a break? No, I'm working my ass off this year to become financially independent so I can go and enjoy life. I don't feel I deserve a break just because I haven't had it easy and I've been working hard for half of my life.

Drop that part of your attitude immediately, especially the part where you mentioned money.

You've become uninspired by girls, I've been there and am probably there at the moment too. It's part of the red pill. Luckily you're in the right place to meet and talk to other guys that are and have experienced the same. One of the things I've come to realise recently is that you have to prioritise what's important to you. For example, as I mentioned, I'm working hard to become financially independent this year and am concentrating on that rather than girls. Work out what is most important to you. Don't have fuck buddies for the sake of having fuck buddies. Have fuck buddies because it suits your life. You sound comfortable with it all, I'd suggest possibly dropping all the girls from your life and starting again. Put your back against the wall and get your hunger back.

I don't mean to sound like a cunt, but I didn't want to sugarcoat it for you.

Post: #4

I get turned off easier than I get turned on. Being a cunt is never acceptable.

Post: #5

Sounds like the anatomy of a false rape case to be honest. Watch yourself man, this is exactly how a lot of those types of things happen. You turn down a girl in a situation like that and you never know what can happen.


I agree completely with what MattC said. So you will have a doctorate degree in a few years and be making six figures(maybe)? Who cares, women wont, that is for sure. First of all, don't believe everything you read about high salaries these days. I know ivy league law graduates that aren't even pulling down six figures off the bat like that. Not sure what you are studying but most companies wont pay for you like that until you have some real experience under your belt.

Let me fill you in on a little something, sure women love money but they wont give a hoot about your degree. In one ear and out the other; you are still going to have to work for it. I know doctors and lawyers who only focused on their degree expecting women to drop their panties once they graduated and it just doesn't happen.

A year ago, I had an idea for a product, developed it, began marketing it an now I am about to enter into a major partnership with a media and production company that will financing well into the 7 figures. It feels great but let me tell you it doesn't make a difference to women. Sure they find it cool that I was passionate it about something and turned nothing into something but its about a 15 second conversation where they say something like "that's cool", and then the conversation turns into some ridiculous shit about the latest reality tv show or something equally useless. And you know what? That is fine, I didn't do it for women, I did it for myself. If it helps me land a few notches, great but if not it doesn't make a difference to me. I will have financial freedom to do what I want and wouldn't have been possible without swallowing the red pill and putting in countless hours of hard work. I still dont feel like I am owed anything and work for every notch I get.

Carmo

Post: #6

I can verify that most women do not give a shit about a doctorate and a six figure income. There are a few that do but it's not enough to justify any kind of attitude about it. Most girls seem to get a kick out of it after they've decided to fuck me for other reasons, I think it plays into the authority figure/daddy thing, but it doesn't do much for the initial pull.

I never kick girls out of bed but sometimes I wont sleep with them. Just a finger bang to get them off and keep everybody happy.

Post: #7

Take the bang and enjoy the moment. Some day you will be 40 and might be married, and the chick always has some emotional bullshit going on (which translates to zero bang for you).

Besides, you might be making 6 figures, but you will have a mountain of debt to clear and need to buy medical insurance. Ouch. Obamacare (if you live in the states) is going to completely change the medical world, so I wouldn't pat yourself on the back yet.

Live simply, pay off the debt, resist the urge to drop yourself into a bigger hole with the "doctor's lifestyle". Get out of debt and be free: that needs to be a goal, mate.

Post: #8

(05-18-2013 04:36 AM)DrZoidberg Wrote:  I have three fuck buddies...but I don't even want to fuck them anymore. they aren't super attractive, just average. decent lays, barely friends with them...that's all. I haven't had a real girlfriend in about two years. I am sick of this life. I'm sick of the girls I've been meeting. I work my ass off. I'm sick of the fucking attitudes. I'm a fucking doctoral student, in three years I'll make six figures anywhere in the country. I know I deserve better. that's why I started doing this. that's why I dumped my beautiful but otherwise mediocre girlfriend two years ago. now to be honest, I feel like I'd be lucky to have her, yet I still don't want her back...or anyone else I've had, even the one girl I thought I loved. I've had more than most guys, and better. but right now, I just want to give up. I've had some low nights, believe me, but this is the lowest I've felt in awhile.

has anyone else felt that way? how do you get through it? what is the light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to? I know I have a great career ahead of me, but what else is there? I hope you don't think I'm trolling. I really need help here.

If your sick of the attitudes now, then your in for a surprise when

you are making six figures and still getting the same results.

Like MattC said there are guys here making a ton of money.

I am only 22 and make almost six figures. I don't think my

income has really help my game much. It can only give you access to

hotter looking girls with the same type of attitude.

Post: #9

Income means shit, this has been proven many times before. There will always been someone who makes more money than you in your social circle, if there isn't your not reaching high enough.

Besides that it sounds like you care way to much about the minute things in life. Your depressed and thats because something in your life isn't working. It's not the people around you, its you!

Post: #10

Not followed through on a sure thing loads of times. Recently I was in London to meet a virgin who wanted me to de-flower her. I even tried getting Bojangles out so he could do it instead ( he was meeting some Polish girl at the airport though ) because I just wasn't that into her. I ended up meeting her in Camden and getting other random guys to chat her up whilst I closed other women in front of her. I left her crying at Angel Islington tube whilst I went and met a French girl instead because I told her I would not bang her.

Why? Numerous reasons... I didn't think she was up to my standard. I fuck hotter girls than her. I was bored of her company. Her nail polish was cracked and I don't like that. I have abundance mentality. She is English. I was flying to the Cote d'Azur a day later so knew I'd be having an adventure. I knew she would be shit in bed her first time and I would not be around long enough to train her etc. etc.

The OP DrZoidberg is getting beat up for his post but I say good on him. I like his attitude. He feels superior to these chicks. Good for him. He feels no doubt he deserves better women. Good for him. He thinks his shit doesn't stink because he is a doctoral student. Good for him that's a good attitude ( as long as you have humility with your friends and family ). I feel the same when talking to girls sometimes. I'll be at a bar with an attractive girl who has done fuck all in her life, never been anywhere, who thinks that the world is her nights out in her shitty provincial town and has nothing to say to challenge or intrigue me about life and I just can't be bothered even when I can see it is on.

Nobody says you have to run around banging every woman you are kind of attracted to. You can go down the 'I only bang women who I deem are my equal' route whether financial equal or looks or intelligence. Sure it means less bangs but it's your choice nobody else's. I have turned down women for all kinds of reasons, often simply through apathy and not enough of a challenge.

I think the most attractive men stand for something and have strong boundaries. Communicating those boundaries and desires is what creates attraction. So I won't put up with certain things from women. I won't fuck women who are not feminine enough, it's a fundamental thing I stand for. I don't chase overly shallow women or women with low intelligence even if they are attractive and I know they are into me. I won't go near boring women, life is too short. And when you sub-communicate those boundaries I think other women notice and your attraction level goes up with the type of women you do find attractive and that do have the qualities you seek. You find non-needy women find you more attractive and hang around your orbit more.

So yeah if the OP feels superior to these women good for him. Keep your levels up, chase the ones who genuinely excite you and tick the boxes. The only person who sets the rules in the game are you.

Post: #11

I also like the OP's attitude. I didn't read it as him thinking his doctorate entitles him to the best women, but rather that he is achieving something in his life (yes, despite all the criticism Universities get these days, I do believe that a doctorate is still a remarkable achievement), whereas most of the women around him have done little with their lives besides carouselling. They have no comprehension of what it takes to do what the OP is doing, and so I imagine it makes him see them something like children. It's a good attitude to have as it manifests as indifference. I also have a similar mentality, and the only problem I have is that I need to be horny as fuck to be able to abide them for long enough to get to fuck them.

Post: #12

I agree largely with you Vorkuta, but the attitude displayed in the OP is what I think is wrong. I'm like you, and things like cracked nail polish get to me. I have high standards, always have and always will and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I also carry an entitled attitude, but there's a big difference to believing it should fall on your lap and working for what you think you deserve. The OP sounds very much in the former.

Post: #13

Wow, totally not what I thought I was going to read when I saw this thread. I feel the OP had alot he wanted off his chest.

There is this girl from high school I knew that is (unfortunately) part of my extended social circle and some of my friends pal around with her which frustrates the fuck out of me. She's on her way to being a veteran carousel rider as she's taken the D fives times before she turned 18. She was always asking me about sex and how big my dick was it was almost pitiful. I was on track to being number 6 when we were at this party and all of us were smashed. Alcohol makes some shit decisions sometimes. I took her outside to the park at like midnight and we started making out by some parked cars. It was going good before she said something along the lines of "Wow I don't think I'd fuck you if I wasn't drunk."

What bitch? After all that thirst you were showing me? She was probably saying that to make herself feel more valuable then she really was (6.5 at best, not my most glorious moment) so I simply said "Fuck off" and walked away. I wouldn't lower myself and dignity just for some mediocre ass that I would regret later anyway.

Post: #14

The only time I turned down a sure thing was with one girl back in 2011. I had met her in a club, slightly below average, a bit chubby, horrible fashion sense, but I'd been experiencing a brief cold streak at the time, so I decided to take the opportunity. We made out outside the club for hours, fondled her tits, may have fingered her, can't remember. I suggest taking her back to my place, but she's not up for it, so we exchange numebrs. A few days later she texts me, writing "hey, what's up?" I don't respond. Minutes later, I get. "Sad you forgot about me. This is so-and-so. We had a long walk on Wednesday evening. Take me home with you. Text me your address if you're up for it, and get condoms." She had seemed a bit clingy at the time, and I wasn't about to let anohter clingy woman know where I lived, plus I wasn't that interested.

Post: #15

(05-18-2013 12:09 PM)Sargon of Akkad Wrote:  The only time I turned down a sure thing was with one girl back in 2011. I had met her in a club, slightly below average, a bit chubby, horrible fashion sense

I assume any man over the age of 21 who can talk to women has already turned down more than 1-2 sure things in their life. There is zero chance I will sleep with a chubby.

Post: #16

wow, just read all the replies here. a couple things I wanna clear up. first of all, I KNOW that a great education or six figure income doesn't mean shit to women these days, or at least American ones. I don't feel that it entitles me to anything, per se. still though, I spend so much of my time talking to people who have never aspired to do anything with their lives. the people I grew up with, most of them still live exactly where I left them working minimum wage jobs or not working and living with their parents, and trying to raise their kids, most of which were accidental pregnancies.

the thing that really kills me is the entitlement and attitudes of girls I meet, or really people in general. most of them have never worked hard for anything in their life. most of them have no passion for anything, no skills, and no purpose in life. I know that the typical person on this board doesn't fall into that category, which is why I thought maybe more people could empathize with me. most of you are well educated, hard working, and successful, like me.

a couple people asked what I was studying...I am in a pharmacy program. when I get out, I plan to work retail a few years to pay back my loans, then my ultimate goal is to become a consultant pharmacist and hopefully have location independent income that will allow me to travel. still need to work out all the details. I also plan to relocate to a different state immediately after I finish...I'm thinking Nevada, texas or florida. in this country, the average pharmacist earns anywhere from 120 to 150k a year, after being in practice a few years. last time I checked, average starting salary was around 97k, but all of the people I know who graduated from my program made more than that, and got hired right out of school. it's one of the few careers left that still has good prospects, but that could change in the future...probably not for awhile though. it also used to be ranked the most respected profession, for about 17 years. I think it is number 2 now. it's funny, because aside from a handful of people who know me well and know what I'm doing, I don't feel respected at all. also, it is one of the most challenging academic programs in the country. just look it up if you don't believe me. just getting in is considered a major accomplishment in itself. I love pharmacy too...I can't imagine anything else I'd rather do with my life.

when I first started college, I was about as beta as the next guy. I believed everything women said. I thought that having a good and respectable career would enable me to basically find my soul mate and have the kind of life I always dreamed of. I found out that wasn't true when I started studying game. the things I've learned in the past two years have completely changed my perspective on everything. I've worked really hard, not just to have a good career, but to try to find a quality girl. I have a notch count of 56 girls right now. I'm sure that probably won't impress most of you guys, but still, I'm pretty sure you also know that most guys out there have not had anywhere near that many girls. I've worked hard to have girls in my life. yet out of all those girls, only two of them were really even girlfriend material...and there are still reasons why things didn't work out with those two.

I've done everything possible to try to make myself attractive and meet quality women. I've worked out a lot and am in incredible shape. I read a lot, because I think the type of girl I would want would like a guy who is well-read. I play guitar, and I build and customize guitars and amps. I've developed my own sense of style and fashion. I've studied game and I've done hundreds of approaches. and of course, I worked my ass off in school. don't get me wrong. I didn't do all these things JUST for girls...I do them for myself too. I'd keep doing them, even if there were no girls. it's a good thing, because it doesn't seem like it's made much difference. but when you do all that and get not just rejected, but treated extremely disrespectfully by girls who have never exercised, have poor diets, mediocre looks, no skills or education, have not read a book since high school, who can't cook, and have masculine looks and attitude, it really starts to make you question things. what really blows my mind is the way these women are treated by other guys. they are worshipped, treated as goddesses, for absolutely no reason at all. you only have to look at any of their facebook pages to see. the lethal combination of smartphones, facebook pages, and dating sites has turned them into hideous monsters.

when I started studying game, I accepted that I probably wasn't going to find a wife here. I figured everything would be good if I could just keep banging lots of girls. now I question that too. it doesn't really make me happy anymore, hasn't for a long time. yet I can't imagine my life without girls. I don't have anything to replace it with. I don't think I could stop, even if I tried. I don't know what else I would do. but I'm just getting sick of it...it is making me more and more bitter, hateful, and distrusting. I keep going, because I think maybe the next girl I meet will be feminine and sweet, but they just keep getting worse and worse. I keep going, because I think maybe I'll be able to take everything I've learned to a new city, or country, and find better women there. I'm still stuck here for another three years though. it feels like a prison sentence.

anyway, sorry for the long, rambling post. I guess what I was asking earlier, is if anyone else has felt this way. I want to know if you pushed through it, and found a better life for yourself. I want to know what my endgame should be. I want to know what I have to look forward to. I want to be inspired. by you.

Post: #17

(05-18-2013 03:12 PM)DrZoidberg Wrote:  when I started studying game, I accepted that I probably wasn't going to find a wife here. I figured everything would be good if I could just keep banging lots of girls. now I question that too. it doesn't really make me happy anymore, hasn't for a long time. yet I can't imagine my life without girls. I don't have anything to replace it with. I don't think I could stop, even if I tried. I don't know what else I would do. but I'm just getting sick of it...it is making me more and more bitter, hateful, and distrusting.

My dear friend DrZoidberg;

There is a reason for my username. Doulos2game (Slave to game).

You just need someone to talk about what you are going through.

You didn't just ramble, you told us your whole life story basically.

Endgame is different for every man. For some it is getting married with

the best possible mate and still being able to cheat on the side. For

others it is a unattainable goal. But don't listen to everything you hear

there is someone out there for you that will fit into your plans perfectly

BUT IF YOU GIVE UP NOW, YOU WILL NEVER FIND HER.

Post: #18

(05-18-2013 04:04 PM)Doulos2Game Wrote:  

(05-18-2013 03:12 PM)DrZoidberg Wrote:  when I started studying game, I accepted that I probably wasn't going to find a wife here. I figured everything would be good if I could just keep banging lots of girls. now I question that too. it doesn't really make me happy anymore, hasn't for a long time. yet I can't imagine my life without girls. I don't have anything to replace it with. I don't think I could stop, even if I tried. I don't know what else I would do. but I'm just getting sick of it...it is making me more and more bitter, hateful, and distrusting.

My dear friend DrZoidberg;

There is a reason for my username. Doulos2game (Slave to game).

You just need someone to talk about what you are going through.

You didn't just ramble, you told us your whole life story basically.

Endgame is different for every man. For some it is getting married with

the best possible mate and still being able to cheat on the side. For

others it is a unattainable goal. But don't listen to everything you hear

there is someone out there for you that will fit into your plans perfectly

BUT IF YOU GIVE UP NOW, YOU WILL NEVER FIND HER.

thanks man. you know it's weird, but I do feel as though a bit of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders...and I realize that everything you said was true. some nights can be harder to shake off than others, and last night was definitely one of those nights...maybe I just need to stay focused on the positive, remember my goals, and find more people I can talk to about these things.

Post: #19

Sure, on more than one occasion I've passed. You have to assess whether or not a particular chick is worth the bang. I've passed on chicks because I knew they'd be cling-ons after I hit, and I wasn't into her enough to want to deal with that. I try to minimize drama whenever I can, and if are able to tell yourself that there will always be other opportunities, passing on bangs for whatever reason isn't that big of a deal.

Post: #20

1. I have turned down lots of hot girls because I refuse to accept a bad attitude. I don't care how hot a girl is, if she's going to be unreasonable or disrespectful I won't accept it. I will never sacrifice my self-respect for pussy. I can always get pussy I can't simple get back my self-respect.

2. I know how you feel BUT I only feel this way in this country. I tell people, America is my office, it's where I go to work.

With that said, it helps to have some cool male friends to hang with. It also helps to have some cool female friends. BUT, most important to me, is that I need to feel loved. I need to feel there are some women out there that care about me but maybe that's just me. For me, it's more important than pussy and it's critical to my mental well being.

Post: #21

I turned down a girl I was "dating" all the time.
She waited till 11pm to call me to take a 30 minute ride to spend the night with her.
I said..fuck no..I got class tomorrow morning.

Passed up a one night stand with a girl..cause she was dressed shitty.
One of my friends invited a bunch of girls..and this one eyed my from the moment she walked in.
But she was dressed so frumpy that I wouldnt even look her in the eyes..

But then the next night I realized I was leaving on a work trip for a week and would be around nothing by guys and ugly girls.
So I caved..took her to a room and banged the fuck out of her.
Turned out..her body was actually pretty tight and i could barely get 2 finger in her.
she probably thinks she gamed me or something...I just wanted to leave with empty nuts

if they pass the boner test..
dont turn down women cause you can do better, turn them down because you have better things to do

Post: #22

Turning down sex is one of the biggest displays of male dominance you can have over a woman, seeing as it's the only real power women have over men. It's basically saying:

Post: #23

(05-18-2013 06:09 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  1. I have turned down lots of hot girls because I refuse to accept a bad attitude. I don't care how hot a girl is, if she's going to be unreasonable or disrespectful I won't accept it. I will never sacrifice my self-respect for pussy. I can always get pussy I can't simple get back my self-respect.

2. I know how you feel BUT I only feel this way in this country. I tell people, America is my office, it's where I go to work.

With that said, it helps to have some cool male friends to hang with. It also helps to have some cool female friends. BUT, most important to me, is that I need to feel loved. I need to feel there are some women out there that care about me but maybe that's just me. For me, it's more important than pussy and it's critical to my mental well being.

yeah, those are really good points, I agree 100%. and the truth is, I shouldn't be so quick to write my fuckbuddies off as meaningless, I have two that are really good that have come through for me in tough times like this. one of them started acting kinda flakey and ended up getting a boyfriend...we still fuck though, and I can still call her up and have her come over and make me feel better. she will cook for me, say/do sweet things, let me dominate her in bed with handcuffs and sex tape, which are things she actually gave me to use on her.

the other one I'm seeing later tonight probably after I go out if I don't wind up taking someone else home. I can always crash at her pad...she actually almost gave me a key to her place but I turned it down, thought it would be a bit weird I guess. we have a lot of good times hanging out too, not just sex. she is also submissive, lets me use her however I see fit.

sometimes I have a really shitty night, and I start thinking all pessimistic...then I think about it for awhile, and realize it's actually not so bad, and I'm really pretty lucky. just haven't quite found what I'm after yet...and it's a rough journey, as you guys all know, but if it was easy then would there even be a point in doing it?

(05-18-2013 07:02 PM)Gmac Wrote:  Turning down sex is one of the biggest displays of male dominance you can have over a woman, seeing as it's the only real power women have over men. It's basically saying:

haha hadn't really thought of it that way, but you're absolutely right. suddenly I'm feeling a little more alpha and masculine! sweet vid too



anyway to all the rest of you, I just wanted to say thank you. every single one of you has given me great input and really turned things around for me. also, it's just really nice to know there are other guys out there doing the same things as me, working hard, going through the same shit, who understand what it's like. but you guys give me hope, and show me that it still means something to be a man, even if there are very few real men left in this country.

Post: #24

Rejecting a beautiful woman that you have in the palm of your hands (or the folds of your blankets) is one of the subtle pleasures of the game.

WIA

Post: #25

I have done it many many times, I personally think too much. Nonetheless, some women get in a bad way by the end of the night or being completely imbecile (dancefloor game) that spending the night with them becomes a mission. I agree with the notion of male dominance 100%, all of the women I have turned down have ended up begging for it or respecting me to the point where they would offer their friends or privately mention it when I see them a few weeks later. Of course, this also builds the sexual tension and you can have them on the backburner in case you ever change your mind...