Post: #1

Yeah I've been reading some Roissy lately, and he talks a lot about grace under pressure.

What is this exactly? He seems to tout it as a pretty high game concept, alpha male type shit. Does anybody have any examples of this? How do you develop it?

Post: #2

watch every James Bond movie. Even when their lives are in danger they are calm. If they can do that when their lives are in danger, you can keep that same cool when a girl or somebody is teasing you or something doesn't go your way.

Post: #3

(11-09-2012 12:45 PM)Hades Wrote:  Yeah I've been reading some Roissy lately, and he talks a lot about grace under pressure.

What is this exactly? He seems to tout it as a pretty high game concept, alpha male type shit. Does anybody have any examples of this? How do you develop it?

Logic and acceptance help immensely.

During test and exam days, my peers would exasperate themselves cramming to the final moment. My preparations were more than acceptable, so fretting seemed irrational when one could relax. Often, I'd test higher than my classmates. We were of comparable intellect, so it wasn't a matter of intelligence. While others were overthinking, I sought to clear my mind. The analysis portion was over. When it comes to the test, it's time to execute.

Bruce Lee said, "A good martial artist does not become tense but ready."

At one job, I was in charge of two trainees. Even after their training was complete, they still had to learn self-control. They'd ask "How do you stay so calm?" My rationale was "If a mistake is made, it's correctable. People won't die if I am wrong. I work indoors. No one is shooting at me. The fate of the world is not in my hands. There is a low probability of dying at this job."

Maintain inner and outward calm in the midst of a problem, and people are none the wiser. Time is spent formulating a solution instead of allowing oneself to be emotionally overwhelmed.

As the old ad copy goes, "Never let them see you sweat."

Post: #4

Pulp Fiction-
"Jules: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda what's Fonzie like?
Yolanda: Cool? "

Samuel L Jackson is a cool m-fcker in this pulp classic!!!

Calm, collected response to other people is the key. For me, I like to breathe 3-4 times before I answer/respond to somebody/something that revves my emotions up.

Personal anecdote-
Some girl disses me at the bar.
Hold the line. breathe a few times. I smile...then say "be nice".
Girl- "ahh, stutter, im sorry its just im having a bad day. my...blah blah blah."

Post: #5

It's simple: always keep your cool, no matter what, be it a hot girl, a fight or an exam, like on that Sean Connery slap video, where he kept his cool and stuck to his opinion and was unfazed even when the interviewer tried to shame him into apologizing or backing down.

Post: #6

Great thread.

Post: #7

Hemingway coined the phrase. It's how he defined "guts."

Post: #8

This is important for game, but it's useful for so much more than that. Eg, coming out ahead in an argument is 90 percent about appearing like you're not even arguing, just laying out the facts and everybody else can take 'em or leave 'em. A little grace goes a long way in situations like that.

I'm by my nature a hot-blooded motherfucker, so this is something I've worked at. If you're not a born Fonzie, it's handy to memorize some calm, confident responses you can use whenever someone starts getting to you. Nothing long or complicated, just a few words that make you seem cool and under control. If necessary, you can follow these canned openers with a more detailed explanation of your point. The key really is starting out cool. That sets the tone for everything else you say.

Speaking of Roissy, he recently had a great post with a bunch of ready-made responses to girls who give you shit. My favorites:

- Arch eyebrows. Stare at her for three seconds. Look away.

- “I bet you say that to all the men who secretly make you a little nervous. Like a schoolgirl.”

- “Well.” Raise your glass to her. Smile. Nod in appreciation. “Just what I expected.”

- Duct tape her mouth. “That’s better.”

Roissy's full post

Post: #9

There's also my personal favourite which I like to use: smirk and say "Hm... cute.".

Post: #10

(11-09-2012 02:10 PM)20Nation Wrote:  watch every James Bond movie. Even when their lives are in danger they are calm. If they can do that when their lives are in danger, you can keep that same cool when a girl or somebody is teasing you or something doesn't go your way.

Exactly 20; Go watch the new trailer for Skyfall, sums it up perfectly, Daniel Craig is a flawless modern day Bond, include some of this style body language etc in your game.

Post: #11

Being cool was always a recurrent theme with my dad when giving advice. Always just remain cool. You have to be able to compartmentalize shit and really that nothing is really that serious. It is what it is and is gone be what it's gone be. That's that. You getting all riled up and overwhelmed wont help or change anything so just be cool

Post: #12

This is a good thread. You learn grace under pressure through experience. How will you react in a life or death situation? It's easy to imagine what you would do if, for instance, somebody pulled a knife on you in a dark alley at midnight, you think well, I would go Bruce Lee on his ass. In the real world you don't know how you would really react.

This is why the police and military train over and over for different situations until the desired action/reaction becomes second nature. And once you're prepared/trained the experience transfers to different situations. In the USA we've mostly become pussies because life is very easy, nobody is starving or freezing, we take daily showers, have refrigerators full of food and easy access to so many comforts and when a situation comes up requiring grace under pressure most people are not prepared.

So how do you gain this experience? Martial arts training is a good way to prepare the mind, body and spirit to be ready when the unexcpected happens. Your reactions should be automatic, no real thinking required, you're mind is literally prepared for whatever happens and that mindset is key.

Another way to gain this type of experience is to go solo camping. There's only one way to find out how you'll react to being lost and alone in the middle of nowhere with nobody else to depend on except yourself and that is by putting yourself in that situation.

I was camping in the desert solo and went for a hike. About ten miles out I realized I was fucking lost. Nobody in the world knew where I was and for about twenty seconds I panicked until my inner voice told me to calm down, concentrate, and figure the situation out. The alternative was death by dehydration and exposure. By the time I got back to camp the sun had set, I was out of food and water but I had found my way back and the sense of that accomplishment has never left me, I literally saved my own life by staying calm.

A good example of this is the James Franco movie 96 Hours (I think that's the name) about the guy who got stuck and cut his arm off with a pocketknife. You think there's anything that can ever stress that guy out?

Post: #13

Doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu helped me with this... learned it there applied it to every aspect of my life. When
I first started rolling and there was some 275lb guy laying on top of me smothering me an trying to isolate my arm or put me in a choke hold I would freak out an squirm an jerk. After a few months of doing it when someone was on me I stayed calm as shit an thought about my options what to do what not to do. I found I started applying that keeping cool under pressure to everyday situations to. True story

Post: #14

Experience and repetition build comfort.

I am comfortable in that situation because I have been in that situation many times. I have failed, I have learned, I have adjusted, I have succeeded. I have done thousands of repetitions.

This is how you become comfortable and graceful.

Here is a tip...

The more dangerous, scary, and death defying experiences you have. The more this core level of comfort will transcend to less dangerous, less scary, everyday experiences.

Example: You are a trained fighter = the typical bar fight, shouting match, or drama doesn't even raise your blood pressure.

Example: You have approached 1000's hot chicks = you have no fear in talking to hot women in any situation

Example: You have played soccer for 20 years = you are comfortable and graceful on a soccer field.

You wanna be graceful in pressure packed situations? Practice! Put yourself into more pressure packed situations. The scarier, the better.

Post: #15

I tend to be excitable, but have helped along how the years mellow me by trying to notice this constant: every time something truly horrible happens to me, I seem to always find some sort of workaround, eventually. So that from the moment that something bad happens until the moment I know what to do about it, I can let myself relax a bit and "don't sweat the small stuff", because every time I sweated in the past it was always a waste of sweat.

I work best under pressure, so I never want to remove all of it. I actually thrive under tension, and seem to even enjoy it a bit. But if there is too much tension my productivity drops. So sometimes I realize that the worst thing that can happen is that I die, and if I can't stop that then I have to really just let it go anyway.

The stress of worry is a sort of mental addiction. It's actually a useful drug in small doses, but you have to moderate your intake. When anxiety causes a negative feedback loop for me that I can't get out from, I take some valium. I rarely need it, but that cuts right through the worst of distress and allows a clean reboot.

A long period of unsolvable crisis can also lead to feeling depressed, and that is the opposite attitude to the confident, in charge, high T masculine male. It gets harder to find balance from that point without actually solving the problem, and so for me I just use the depression and brooding and anxiety to wring every last resource of attention out of me to put to bear to solving the problem until it's done - damn the rest of the world - just get that one thing fixed.

But then when it's fixed, I flash back again to thinking: "See? It always works out in the end." But to be truthful, without the stress to motivate me, often times it wouldn't have worked out in the end.